Feed Your iPod LXXXIV: One More Minute

Yesterday I was going through “Weird Al” Yankovic withdrawal which was the first day i9n over a week he did not release a new music video. Of those eight videos I was not too keen of the originals when I made my list from best to worst with the four original making up the bottom of the list. Sure Weird Al is mostly known for his parodies, his latest album notwithstanding, he still has plenty originals that are just as good as the parodies. My favorite of his originals is One More Minute, a sad bastard song in a doo-wop style with Al hilariously breaking up with his girlfriend. I like to believe that You Don't Love Me Anymore, Al’s second best original, is a response song to One More Minute from the person on the other end of the song. At any rate, both songs are worth just watching the music video, the second of which parodies Extreme’s More than Words.


One More Minute – “Weird Al” Yankovic

I Want My Music Videos: "Weird Al" Yankovic Edition

When Beyoncé air dropped her album before Christmas I wondered what artists could also do the same with some sort of success. Taylor Swift and Adele first came to mind (the latter of which is rumoured to be doing just that this fall) followed by a few rapper like Kanye West and Jay-Z (who both did limited roll outs last year). Who would have guess that “Weird Al” Yankovic would be the first to successfully pull it off? Okay, he did announced the album a month ago but did not give any preview tracks until the day before the release leading many of us to guess which songs he was parodying just by the song titles.

But this paid off as Mandatory Fun is looking like it could be Al’s first number one album ever (it is down to him and Jason Mraz) and his best selling week in the Soundscan era. Boosting these sales was Al’s new marketing plan of releasing eight new music videos over eight straight days starting last Monday. Since record labels do not have large budgets for videos ever since MTV started ignoring their first letter, he partnered up with various websites like Nerdist, Funny or Die, and, um, the Wall Street Journal to underwrite the videos to various degrees of success. So here are those eight videos ranked.


1. Word Crimes – Everyone has parodied Robin Thicke in the past years and each made fun of the video usually having haft naked dudes. Not Weird Al, of course he turns the song into an English class and of course the video is a lyric kind. Sure Al got some digs in at the video with the obnoxious hashtags and “Weird Al Yankovic has a big dictionary” but I liked the subtle two decade old dig at Alanis Morrisette.


2. Foil – A Lorde parody seemed obvious, the only question would be the subject. Apparently my guess of a Game of Thrones parody was a bit too on the nose, instead the parody turned out to be food adjacent. Well until Al take a sharp left with Al going the darkest he has ever gone after putting the tin foil hat on his head. And who did not have a sinking suspicion that Patton Oswalt was one of those secret lizard people from V?


3. Tacky – The video that started off the eight days of Al was also the most star studded with Aiesha Tyler, Margret Cho, Eric Stonestreet, Kristen Schaal, and Jack Black all don their tackiest clothes in a one take shot version of the Pharrell video. Yes Al ran done five flights of stairs for each take for the video.


4. Handy – You really cannot parody the Fancy music video because you would essentially just be parodying Clueless, instead he went with the Schneider from One Day at a Time look. But hey, dancing plumbers will always be funny.

5. First World Problems - Al’s non-parodies this time around were not his best. This was probably the best I pretty much had three of them happen to me.

6. Sports Song

7. Lame Claim to Fame

8. Mission Statement

Bonus: Now That’s What I Call Polka: There was not an official video for the album’s polka (always a highlight for one of Yankovic’s records) but of course someone synced up the original with the Weird Al version and put it on YouTube.

I Want My Music Television: 7/21/14

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Angel in Blue Jeans - Train


Sure the new Train song kind of sucks in a jumping on the folk rock trend two years too late kind of way but if you are going to release a bad song you might as well pay Danny Trejo copious amounts of money to lip-sync your lyrics making an actual entertaining video. So congratulations to Train, you almost got me to almost like your crappy Mumford and Sons rip off simply by getting me to watch the music video multiple times.


You and I (Nobody in the World) – John Legend


Just when you think John Legend was going to release yet another music video based around his Sport Illustrated it turns into a very real look at the various types of women that populate the nation. It is empowering and heartbreaking at the same time. Seriously, if you did not break out crying at the breast cancer victim, you very well may not have a soul.


Try - Colbie Caillat


If that is not enough real women for you Colbie Caillat takes that John Legend idea one step further (to be fair, Try hit YouTube two days earlier and is exactly what the song is about; I just put You and I first because it is a much better song) as Colbie and another group of ethnically diverse strip themselves of all their numerous beauty products.


Mother and Father – Broods


We have hit that time a year when people start posting their silly half-year lists. One thing that stuck out to me on these lists is that music so far this year kind of sucked. Making things worse is that are not many good new artists. Around this time last year there were already great albums or EPs from Lorde, Haim, Kacey Musgraves, Daughter, and Chvrches. It is depressing to think Iggy Azalea is probably going to get a Best New Artist nomination basically there is no one else (granted since Ed Sheeran got nominated in the category last year, maybe Lorde will get nominated this year) even though she only has only been on two songs anyone cares about and is the worst part of both songs. Sure there have been a couple songs by new artists that have piqued my interest this year but I really not interested in full albums by Hozier, Bleachers, Jamie N Commons, or X Ambassadors (I have not even been bothered to see if the last two are the same act or two separate ones collaborating on Jungle; which is not to be confused with the new band Jungle that I do not really care for that much) but there is only one group that I am looking forward to hearing more from and that is Broods. They put out a solid EP earlier this year and next month they are releasing their debut album Evergreen (apparently it will not be released stateside until October but sometimes these foreign releases show up on Spotify here before we Americans can buy them). The first single from the album is actually better than anything on that original EP and shoots the album up my list of what may be a crowded most anticipated fall albums (even though many of the biggest names do not have a release date as of now).

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 7/20/14

Falling Skies: Juts when I thought it was unnecessary when they killed off the old dude last week, they brought back Weaver’s daughter only to have her in the middle of a skitter transformation (that is happening quick now) and just when I thought they would just bring her to Lexi to “cure” her, they just kill her off. What?!? This show is just getting too depressing.
You can download Falling Skies on iTunes.

The Strain: I had high hopes going to the show and it came very close to meeting those. The old dude is all sorts of awesome and he owing Weevil was a great introduction to the character. The CDC guy was a bit much in the court mandate therapy but was much better when he got on the job. And those the show had been pitched as a vampire project, these are definitely not your father’s vampires (or little sister’s for that matter). They kind of seem like zombie vampires which manage to be scarier than both originals. Especially with those worm infested hearts (so that is what was in the old dude’s mason jar which he creepily feeds with his own blood). The first episode does ask a very interesting question, at what point do you believe the crazy old dude with the snake handled sword who wants to burn everyone who was on the plane, even the four “survivors.” Of course, we the viewers know they should have done as he said, but the characters do not have the same information as we do. You really cannot take him at his word at first, especially considering if you did, there probably would not be a show. It seemed like the CDC guy was coming around when he say the worms in the dirt. And if not then, when you learn all the corpse up and left the morgue, that is indefinitely time to start believing the crazy old dude. So I guess the show from here on out will be the CDC guy, his team, and the old dude going around killing everyone on the plane. But who will be the one to chop off the little girl’s head? Samwise better take that one for letting the coffin leave the airport.
You can download The Strain on iTunes.

Switched at Birth: Was no one at all suspicious that Clarence Weidman was Angelo’s doctor. I personally would not have trusted that guy to do brain surgery on a loved one. Granted Clarence did us all a favor because Angelo could have been killed off a long time ago.
You can download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

Under the Dome: I think I said this when he was on Wilfred, but Dwight Yoakam without the cowboy hat is extremely creepy. Somebody give him his own horror franchise. And now he apparently has some of the answers but of course did not spill any yet. Instead we got the start of quite possibly the lamest love triangle of all time between the teenagers. At least we got one answer in that the new girl actually went to Chester Mills High back in 1988, probably not so coincidently the same year the picture of Junior’s mother, uncle, and Dwight Yoakam was taken. Wait, are we really supposed to believe Dwight Yoakam was a teenager in the eighties? (a quick scan of Wikipedia… Dwight Yoakam turned 32 in 1988.)
You can stream Under The Dome on Amazon Instant Video, free for Prime users.

Pretty Little Liars: Mona always seemed like the most likely candidate to be the latest incarnation of A, if she ever really stopped but considering the height of the attacker and her wanting Ali to leave and A making Ali stay I guess we can rule out Mona out (though I bet whoever was under the mask was probably a random stunt person and not the actor who will turn out to be A; and Mona vocally wanting Ali gone could just be her misdirecting everyone from thinking it was her). That would leave Melissa and a not so very blind Jenna as the prime suspects. Also Paige has been extremely squirrelly this season two, there is definitely something going on there (plus she wanted no part of Mona’s let get Ali to leave town cabal).
You can download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Best of the Week: 7/19/14

Quote of the Week: I don’t wear pink. It’s for (expletive deleted) and little girls who want to grow up and be princesses. (Eleanor Nacht, The Bridge)

Song of the Week: Who'll Stop the Rain – Dwight Yoakam (Under the Dome)

Big News of the Week: Christopher Walken Is Your New Captain Hook: After the success of The Sound of Music Live!, NBC was quick to announce that the live musical would happen this year (and probably for the foreseeable future) and it was eventually announce that Peter Pan would be the next one. We finally got our first casting news and surprisingly it was not for the titular character. Instead we learned this week that Christopher Walken would be the antagonist. Awesome. Sure the seventy-one year old actor may be two decades too old for the role, but thanks to Fatboy Slim we do know he can dance. And he will definitely be a better Captain Hook than the Abercrombie model they have on Once Upon A Time.

Back when Peter Pan was announced I suggested Jack Black whom probably would have been a better fit age wise, but that the Walken casting does is bring star power to the show and do not have to reach for the lead with name recognition like they did with Carrie Underwood and instead can cast someone who is competent and does not have to be a household name. So let me again suggest Brie Larson who may not be a big a name as Underwood, but we know she can act (see the critically acclaimed Short Term 12), that she can sing (see Scott Pilgrim vs. The World); and this week we learned she is even a passable as a boy when she popped up in Jenny Lewis’ video for Just One of the Guys (which sadly is not the theme song for a reboot of the awesomely bad eighties movie of the same name).


Preview Picture of the Week:

“Hail Mary” Tyrant, Tuesday at 10:00 on FX

Free Download of the Week: Busy Earnin' – Jungle (iTunes)

New Album Release of the Week: Nobody's Smiling - Common

New DVD Release of the Week: Godzilla Vs. Megalon [Blu-ray]

Video of the Week: It was just a couple weeks ago when I suggested we needed more Keira Knightley in our live. And just when that film who trailer made me make that declaration is hitting theaters, here is yet another Keira Knightley film trailer which is yet another indie film set in modern terms with Keira doing a surprisingly good American accent. Now that the Keira Knightley revival it is time to get her into a superhero movie or one of those super high quality miniseries that are all the rage lately. Oooh, since she is so good at period pieces and the character would need a sidekick, how about getting Keira Knightley into the upcoming Agent Carter television show. That would have the potential of being the greatest show ever in the history of the medium.


Next Week Pick of the Week: The Lottery, Sunday (tomorrow) at 10:00 on Lifetime: A year or two ago I was offered access to Lifetime screeners despite being a dude (I was also granted access to History which is more aligned with my idea of gender roles). Since they were nice enough to think of me I occasional check what is available and every that I watch I came away thinking, I am just too male to enjoy this. I check out their latest project The Lottery because who does not need more Marley Shelton in their life? Sure the women in the dystopian future all being infernal really preys on women’s emotion but I came away thinking it is the best thing they have ever produced and could actually appeal to the less fair sex. You can check out my full review here: Previewing The Lottery: A Dude's Review of Lifetime vol. VIII.

Around the Tubes: 7/18/14

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Hemlock Grove, Face Off, The Line, Wicked Tuna: North vs. South, Chop Shop, Bert Blyleven, Guster, Smashing Pumpkins, and The Expanse.

- What is lurking within the city limits of Hemlock Grove? Werewolf transformations of course! Netflix has released an all-new exclusive clip showcasing the behind-the-scenes of this fan-favorite moment of Season two! The clip features new Season two executive producer/showrunner Charles "Chic" Eglee as well as cast members Landon Liboiron and newcomer Madeline Brewer discussing how these special effects came to life! Fans of the Emmy-nominated Eli Roth Netflix original series can now witness new transformations, thrills, chills, murder, suspense and more blood for themselves, as Season two of Hemlock Grove is now available for streaming at Netflix.com/HemlockGrove. Check out a clip below:


- Premiering Tuesday, July 22 at 9:00, season 7 of Syfy’s special effects makeup competition series Face Off begins with two of the aspiring artists being eliminated before the competition even begins, a twist that shocks the 16 aspiring hopefuls the moment they arrive to Los Angeles. This begins Face Off’s “Life and Death” season, in which the contestants face creative challenges that will inspire them to explore themes of rebirth and mortality. In the premiere, the contestants must incorporate a prosthetic into their audition makeups in a stressful four-hour challenge. As the artists are working, host McKenzie Westmore introduces a special guest advisor for the challenge, horror icon Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street’s Freddy Krueger). In the end, two artists are eliminated before ever moving into the Face Off house or stepping into the lab. Syfy also rolls out an interactive social element for season 7, Tweet Off: The Fan Favorite Sweepstakes. Every week, viewers can tweet which of the contestants is their favorite using #FaceOff. At the end of every episode, there will be a reveal of which contestant garnered the most positive sentiment for the week. And at the end of the season, the contestant who has the most cumulative weekly wins is named Fan Favorite and will be awarded $10,000. Tweet Off: The Fan Favorite Sweepstakes also gives viewers the chance to win. Starting with the premiere on July 22 and running through the end of Face Off’s season 7, viewers can enter the sweepstakes at www.faceoff.syfy.com to win a Kryolan make-up kit and a tutorial from the season 7 Fan Favorite.

- Game Show Network, the leader in game shows and competitive entertainment, announced this week it has greenlit a new traveling game show, The Line, from High Noon Entertainment. Hosted by Jeff Davis (Whose Line is it Anyway?) and Candace Bailey (Attack of the Show), the series offers people the chance to win cash and prizes by playing outrageous games while waiting in a line for their shot at answering a series of trivia questions. The Line, which will shoot five episodes in Nashville beginning July 19, is a unique traveling game that invites hundreds of people to line up each day for a chance to win cash and prizes. Though the goal is to get to the “Trivia Vault” at the front of the line, where each contestant can attempt to win a jackpot by answering eight true/false questions, many will have an opportunity to play and win while waiting in the line itself. Those who make it to the front of the line will see the jackpot grow with each contestant who fails to answer his or her eight questions. Still, everyone who gets in “The Line” may have the chance to be a contestant and a winner – one way or possibly both!

- On the heels of its third and highest-rated season for hit series Wicked Tuna, National Geographic Channel pits Gloucester’s finest against good ol’ Southern fishermen in an exciting new series, Wicked Tuna: North vs. South, premiering Sunday, Aug. 17, at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT. n order to succeed, the Gloucester rod-and-reel veterans will need to master the different method of fishing — greensticking, in which artificial squid are trolled from a 30-foot fiberglass pole in order to entice bluefin swimming near the surface — and best a fleet of North Carolina captains battling for the same catches. Bluefin season in the Outer Banks only lasts a limited time, and there is a highly restricted government catch quota. But if the captains can reel in some “monstah” fish before the quota is reached, the winter months could potentially yield a greater catch than in Gloucester. In fishermen’s terms: a cash bonanza.

- Paramount Digital Entertainment and Machinima have partnered on a gritty, new action drama Chop Shop to premiere today. Chop Shop follows a crew of car thieves as they rise from the mean streets of Los Angeles to become high level international players. The series will premiere exclusively on Machinima’s channels. Elliott Lester (Blitz) directs the Bandito Brothers (Act Of Valor) and Joshua Weinstock produced series, alongside writers Josh Baizer and Marshall Johnson (Mortal Kombat: Legacy). Series stars John Bregar, Rene Moran, Ana Ayora, along with Robert Patrick. Check out the trailer below:


- On Monday, July 14 in Minneapolis, legendary pitcher Bert Blyleven teamed up with 2 GINGERS® Irish Whiskey to face brave batters in a Wiffle® ball battle heading into the 2014 MLB All-Star Game®. Blyleven pitched his iconic curveballs, and every batter who struck out took a pie in the face. For every pie thrown, 2 GINGERS® donated to the Wounded Warrior Project and the Major League Baseball Players Alumni Association, resulting in a combined total of $10,000.

- PledgeMusic is excited to announce a freshly launched pre-order campaign with Boston alternative rock band Guster for their upcoming album. Produced by Richard Swift (The Shins, Foxygen), the new album is the follow up to 2010's Easy Wonderful. With the album fully recorded, Guster wants to offer exclusive merchandise and experiences and create frenetic fan engagement leading up the album's early 2015 release. Fans can purchase pre-order exclusives such as signed CDs, handwritten lyrics, and a skydiving adventure with the band. Among the unique experiences available for pledgers, they can welcome Guster's Ryan Miller to DJ a house party while wearing a Chewbacca costume or accompany the band to a local Tesla dealership where they will test drive a Model S with you and then purchase it for you (for a cool $150K USD). In addition, fans can spend a day with Guster on the idyllic Maine seacoast with paddling, lawn games & archery followed by a sunset BBQ and acoustic set, hosted by the L.L.Bean Outdoor Discovery Schools. For more details visit Pledge Music.

- When it was first released on June 1, 1998, the Smashing Pumpkins’ Adore, the follow-up to their mega-successful 1995 double album Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, fans were puzzled by its lack of rock guitars, its folk and electronic elements and relative intimacy. Even the album title, as Billy Corgan mentions in the booklet that accompanies Universal Music Enterprises’ 107-track, six-CD/DVD reissue of the epic disc—due Virgin/UMe on Sept. 23—was misunderstood. “The funny thing was [it] was a joke that no one ever got,” says Corgan, explaining that Adore was meant as a play on “A Door.” In addition, Adore will be available as a single CD, a double-vinyl version and a deluxe, 90-track digital package.


- Syfy and Alcon TV today announced that three-time Golden Globe nominee Thomas Jane (Hung, The Punisher) will star as the world-weary Detective Miller, a native of “the Asteroid Belt” between Mars and Jupiter, in The Expanse, the new 10-episode space opera based on the international best-selling book series, premiering on Syfy in 2015.

Previewing The Lottery: A Dude's Review of Lifetime vol. VIII

Near future dystopias have been all the rage in multiplexes lately it is surprising it has taken this long for it to make it to the small screen. Since the future dystopian movies are like comic book movies for the fairer sex, it should not be surprising that Lifetime got in on the ground floor. And they are really hitting at female fears with what went wrong in the near future: In The Lottery all women become infertile. As the opening scenes describes: “In 2016 there was an alarming drop in worldwide human birth rates. No specific cause could be identified. In 2019, only six children were born. They were the last ones. Every effort to reverse infertility has failed.”

See, every young woman’s nightmare. But here is the thing; the show may be the first project Lifetime has ever done that can actual appeal to dudes too. Except instead preying on possible dystopian fears for women, the world that The Lottery lives in is a utopia for men. Seriously, a future where even chubby dudes with receding hairlines can get to hook up with absurdly attractive doctors because if you also decent from Ethiopia, you are extremely fertile (oh yeah, dudes are still fine in the future, it is the woman’s uterus that is the problem; there are even billboards plastered everywhere that says, “Sam wants you to donate sperm”). Seriously, sex is so prominent in this future there are beds inside the bars because people cannot even be bothered to spend the time to drive home. Awesome, if not kind of extremely unsanitary.

The Lottery picks up in 2025, so those final six kids are now six years old. One of course is raised by a single dad who has to be getting more action than even your average chubby Ethiopian with receding hairline. And though there are no kids under six (sorry kindergarten teachers, you are now out of work in this near future) at least there are now televisions inside gas pumps and virtual treadmills for those who what to feel like their outside without actually having to be outside. But do not fret women of the future, Marley Shelton was able to fertilize one hundred embryos (of course the chick from Sugar and Spice plays the smartest doctor in the world).


So why The Lottery? As you can probably guess the show is not based on the short story you probably read in school about the dystopian future where kids are stoned to death. No, the president, facing low poll numbers and a possible recall (apparently you can also recall the president in the future too; wait until the Tea Party hears of this idea) has decided to host a lottery where the one hundred women of America will get to carry one of the embryos to term. Yeah, Lifetime is really going hard at the female viewer. But I am just watch for the thought of the future where I can easily hook up with any random hot chick with a ticking biological clock without fear she would actually get pregnant barring some miraculous super sperm. But in all seriousness, this is the best project from Lifetime that I have seen yet.

The Lottery airs Sundays at 10:00 on Lifetime.

Previewing Expecting Amish: A Dude's Review of Lifetime vol. VII

I can be stubborn, stuck in my ways, and fear change but no one is more stubborn than the Amish who shun fancy things like electricity. Now I have to admit the about ninety percent of what I know about their culture I learned from “Weird Al” Yankovic. Then the other ten percent was half an episode of Amish in the City which probably not the best representation. As the latest Lifetime Movie, I am not sure if Expecting Amish is a better representation of the culture.

One of the aspects of the Amish life I learned about Amish in the City was a rite of passage Amish young adults take where they live in the modern world and after a month they decide if they want to come back and be baptized in the church or stay in modern civilization and be shunned (which was the basis of the show). It has a name, but it long and weird and I am too lazy to look up the correct spelling so let us just call it Amish Spring Break.

Amish Spring Break is the basis of Expecting Amish where AJ Michalka (Cow Belles) and her three Amish buddies go to Los Angeles where they are amazed by self closing car doors and toaster ovens. They are so naïve they are even enamored by One Republic, just wait until they get to hear some real music like The Clash. How the Amish are able to afford such a swanky LA pad goes unexplained, but I guess when you are not spending all your money on disposable income on iPads, Playstations, or even groceries because you grow and kill your own food, it is easier to save a nest egg.

Then the Amish go to a college party to party like it’s 1699 with the “faithless” including Jesse McCartney (Beautiful Soul). Since this is a Lifetime Movie, it from there can go one of two ways: they can be roofied and taken advantage of or fall in love with a modern boy who teaches her there is more to the modern world than toasters and computers. (Granted the ultimate Lifetime Movie, both would end up happening.) But with a title like Expecting Amish, the result of the trip to Los Angeles is fairly obvious. Then, of course, hilarity ensues (well depending if you take Lifetime movies serious or watch them semi-ironically).

Expecting Amish premieres Saturday at 8:00 on Lifetime. Two more Lifetime movies premiering this month includes Guilty at 17 premiering on Sunday at 7:00. It is a thriller starring Erin Sanders who co-stars on Melissa and Joey. She plays 17 year old Traci, who falsely accuses a teacher of sexually harassing another student. When the teacher commits suicide and Traci finds out the teacher was really innocent, she confides in a substitute teacher who places both of them in danger when she takes matters into her own hands. Also there is The Chocking Game premieres on Saturday, July 26 at 8:00. Based on the YA novel called Choke by Diana Lopez, Freya Tingley (Jersey Boys), Peri Gilpin (Frasier) and Alexandra Steele (De Grassi) star in the drama that follows a teenager who flirts with disaster after being introduced to the "game" of intentionally cutting off oxygen to the brain to get high.

Previewing The Hotwives of Orlando

The Bachelor is a pretty deplorable franchise, targeting young women who think they could one day find Prince Charming via reality television even though ninety percent of the contestants on the show are not there for, dare I say, the right reasons. I never watch one second of The Bachelor or any of its spin-offs, but I did watch Burning Love, a web series that parodied the show including its two spin-offs in later seasons.

Bravo’s numerous Housewives in another deplorable franchise that I would never watch. But a parody of the shows? Sure. Just like Burning Love, you will need an internet connection to watch The Hotwives of Orlando which premieres on Hulu today, but if you are reading this, that should not be a problem. But it looks like Hulu is taking a page out of the Netflix notebook and instead of releasing one or two episodes every couple days to a week, all episodes are available now.

None of the cast may be household names, but you will undoubtably recognized. Yep that is the chick from The Office and the other is from Happy Endings. You may not even be able to place the token drunk housewife, but you know you have seen her on multiple sitcoms before. The dude from The League even pops up as the Andy Cohen after show host to tell you what he is going to talk about on his show (sadly this show does not actually exist… yet).

All the Housewives tropes are here, The Trophy Wife, The Religious Zealot, The Entrepreneur, The Bankrupt Overspender, The Cougar, and of course The Drug Addled Former Child Star. The first episode naturally features a charity party that makes little to no sense (high heels for dogs, because it is just an excuse to throw a party and stir up drama.

For those that fear that there may no be enough material to fill up a full season, the This Season On package (which tends to be the best part of any reality show, even parody ones), includes a Pimps and Ho’s party (which ends up being even funnier than the charity party), an intervention, infidelity, plastic surgery, Botox, a strip club, rehab, a heavily auto-tuned pop single, hair pulling, and “Weird Al” Yankovic. Yes, Weird Francking Al makes a special appearance. There is a very good chance you will laugh more times than you do on your usual network sitcom.

The Hotwives of Orlando premieres today on Hulu. Why are still reading this, click the link and go there now, you can watch all seven episodes (well if you have Hulu Plus, just the first two episodes now for the free version), which includes the prerequisite reunion show.

Previewing Brain Games and Going Deep

On Mondays this spring, the National Geographic Channel, the viewers IQ were raised when they aired Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey for those that missed it a day before on network television. Learning done in fun ways continues tonight with the return of Brain Games. First up host Jason Silva dives deep into seeing a human brain’s capacity for compassion and just how to manipulate people to be more compassionate (not very surprising, it is to express compassion for them). The show explores if we are born naughty or nice with actual newborns and a puppet show. Next week Jason tackles the brain and language which includes a very special version of the telephone game. And like usual, you can play along at home. Other subjects covered during the summer season include Addiction which shows that we are all addicted to something. Risk looks into how t6he brain calculates and evaluates risk.

Brain Games airs Mondays at 9:00 on National Geographic Channel. You can download Brain Games on iTunes.

New to the learning Mondays lineup is Going Deep which more than lives up to its name by going deep on what you may think is the most mundane tasks. Case in point, the first episode is about making an ice cube. That is it, the whole episode is dedicated to the task of freezing water in a geometric shpe. But as you will learn making the perfect ice cube, the perfectly clear kind you see in beverage ads (I hate to break it to the host, those “perfect” ice cubes are likely fake and made of plastic so they will not melt over a long shoot). Along the way you will learn why your ice cubes may be “cloudy” and why a little imperfection in your water that you make ice with is actually a good thing.

Sure the host David Rees tends to fluctuate between annoying and extremely annoying but this is a guy who quite literally wrote the book on how to sharpen a pencil. Seriously: How to Sharpen Pencils: A Practical and Theoretical Treatise on the Artisanal Craft of Pencil Sharpening for Writers, Artists, Contractors, Flange Turners, Anglesmiths, and Civil Servants. I told you the guy goes deep.  Though pencil sharpening is not on the docket (yet) other topics this season will include How to Tie Your Shoes where Rees tries to perfect the ancient art (somehow overlooks the most obvious advancement in the shoe wearing arts: Velcro). Each episode sees Rees visit experts to help him perfect that topic for instance for ice cube he seeks the advise of mass icemakers, ice sculptors, glaciologists, and, why not, a Buddhist Monk. Other mundane tasks that Rees will undoubtably make fascinating this season include How to Dig a Hole, How to Flip a Coin, How to Swat a Fly, How to Open a Door, How to Climb a Tree, How to Throw a Paper Airplane, How to Shake Hands, and How to Light a Match.

Going Deep with David Rees airs Mondays at 10:00 on the National Geographic Channel.

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 7/13/14

Falling Skies: C’mon, did they really have to kill the old dude in front of his old wife? Couldn’t they just kill a nondescript Red Shirt instead? Seems a little cruel. Well at least we know now just how exactly Lexi came to have alien DNA too, that was a creepy scene.
You can download Falling Skies on iTunes.

Switched at Birth: As I have stated multiple time I have when episodes start in the third act and flashback. It was bad enough last week’s promo said this is how the episode ends as someone is rushed to the hospital. From the promo, my instant prediction was that it had to be Angelo with an outside chance of Toby or some minor character no one cared about. Nothing happened during the episode that made me think I was wrong that is was Angelo so I was not at all surprised when it was him in the car accident. Now the question is if he will survive, not that it matter. The reason I always thought I would be Angelo because he was the most expendable so it does not really matter if he dies or not.
You can download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: After a lackluster start of the season, I assumed they were saving any big plot twist until the one hundredth episode. Except the hundredth episode started out pretty boring unless you have a vest invested in seeing the Liars reunite with their longtime beaus (except for Emily and Alison who hocked up with each other). It was so uneventful, we did not even get to meet Hermie’s new girlfriend and Caleb, who cut off his faux-Riggins haircut, basically yadda-yadda-ed how he got out of Ravenswood.

But finally something happened at the end of the episode when they quite literally blew up a house. Oh snap. And of course A is back because anyone who thought Shawna was the A is a moron. Since she just returned, Jenna has to be on the top of the list… except that would involve blowing up her own house. And if she was in it, that would make it slightly less likely that she would be A (although Alison faked her own death so even if Jenna’s body is found I still would not count her out). And just like that, I am almost back in on the show.
You can download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Perception: The vision’s Dr. Pierce sees usually are the best part of the show and Lionel Luther as the Devil may have been the best one yet.
You can download Perception on iTunes.

The Bridge: The first season felt really disjoints and when you learn that one of the writer wanted to make a serial killer procedural while another wanted to look at the underbelly of the border it made perfect sense. The writer that wanted the show to be a procedural is not gone and the second season, for at least one episode, is much better for it. The show got weird, and essentially more entertaining. With a serial killer you knew where the show was going (he would be eventually caught), now I have no clue where the second season going. That is something to look forward to.
You can download The Bridge on iTunes.

Best of the Week: 7/12/14

Quote of the Week: Eclectic car: I care about the polar bears. (Eleanor Nacht, The Bridge)

Song of the Week: Every Breath You Take – Denmark and Winters (Pretty Little Liars)

Big News of the Week: Apparently You Can Go Home Again: There is an old adage that you can never go home again, which of course is silly in the most literal since, but in reality that heart of the saying is that you should not go home again. Especially if you are LeBron James. But he announced his return to Cleveland and not surprisingly those who burned his Jersey and lionized owner Dan Gilbert’s open letter are welcoming him back. But to me it is like an abused wife taking back her husband who went on a very public four year affair that produced two children and is only asking to return because the mistress got old and ugly quick. And a returning LeBron is in no way an instant championship, which would be a first in my lifetime and the vast majority of Northeast Ohio. Sure the Cavs have an easy path to the finals with a now depleted Miami, and question marks for the two biggest challenges in Indiana and Chicago, but if Cleveland was in the West they probably would not even get home court advantage for just the first round of the playoffs. Of course if Kevin Love comes the Cleveland, go ahead and start measuring the banner then and get his Uncle Mike to perform at the championship parade. Oh wait, this Cleveland, someone undoubtably will get hurt first.

Preview Picture of the Week:

"Pilot" The Strain, Sunday at 10:00 on FX

Free Download of the Week: Wild One - Nikki Lane (Amazon Digital Music)

New Album Release of the Week: Mandatory Fun - “Weird Al” Yankovic

New DVD Release of the Week: Orphan Black: Season 2

Video of the Week: There is a show premiering Thursday called Dating Naked. For some reason it is on Video Hits One. The link to the video claims it is “uncensored” but any frontal shots are pixilated, but for the faint of heart, any backside shots are not. I am too much of a prude to embed the video, but you can watch it here. Yes it was a slow news week.

Next Week Pick of the Week: The Strain, Sunday (tomorrow) at 10:00 on FX: I was a big fan of the Buffyverse back in the early 00’s but by the end of Angel I was already starting to have vampire fatigue. Since then the only vampire themed entertainment I partook in was Let Me In. That all changes tomorrow when FX debuts The Strain. First off I am in on most anything the cable channel does (it landed three show on my list of the Ten Best Shows of 2013-14 for the second straight year). Add to that the show is created by Guillermo del Toro who know creepy (see Pan's Labyrinth). Sure the show is also being overseen by Carlton Cuse one of the guys behind Lost, but if a show must have a guy behind Lost on it, I would rather it be the guy who also did The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. than the dude behind Crossing Jordan. Plus Eli “Weevil” Navarro makes an appearance on the show.

Around the Tubes: 7/11/14

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Sons of Anarchy, Cold Justice, Camp Stew, Survive the Tribe, Sharknado, Dirty Heads, Charlie and the Foxtrots, and You're the Worst.



- Ride straight to the gates. The final season of Sons of Anarchy is coming.


- TNT's real-life investigation series Cold Justice has helped secure three more arrests – including a double arrest in a 10-year-old case from Columbus, Ga. – in its ongoing quest to help local law enforcement officers in small towns across the country close long-unsolved cases. In tonight’s episode, airing at 9:00, former prosecutor Kelly Siegler and former crime-scene investigator Yolanda McClary help put two suspects behind bars in a case involving a messy divorce, a bitter custody battle and a cold-blooded murder. Cold Justice has also assisted in bringing about an arrest in a 39-year-old case from Vigo County, Ind., with that investigation currently slated to be featured in the show's season finale in August.

- Illusionist and magician Penn Jillette is teaming with Sportsman Channel, the leader in outdoor television for American sportsmen and women, for the launch of the network’s newest original program Camp Stew, exclusively premiering on Thursday, July 17 at 8:30. Camp Stew – a reference to a favorite hunters’ dish comprised of a mishmash of ingredients including ground beef, chicken, pork, beans, corn, tomatoes and other additions – on Sportsman Channel will comprise of a variety of clips from all facets of the outdoor lifestyle. The new and exciting 10-episode program will showcase some of the craziest outdoor videos ever recorded, with Penn adding his unique brand of commentary to these incredible clips. Each 30-minute episode will feature host commentary from Penn Jillette in front of clips of some of the wildest adventures ever caught on tape.

- Premiering Thursday, July 24, at 10:00 on National Geographic Channel, Survive the Tribe tracks wilderness guide and survival instructor Hazen Audel as he journeys to some of the world’s most remote and inhospitable places, immersing himself into local cultures to learn survival skills that have kept tribal people alive against the odds for thousands of years. He has 10 days to study each tribe’s skills before taking on the toughest tribal challenges that will force him to the very limit. In order to survive, Audel must rely on natural instinct, ancient wisdom and a high tolerance for drinking cow’s blood.

- Following the successful launch of Sharknado branded merchandise, Syfy and The Asylum today announced two new brand extensions of the global social media and pop culture sensation. Sharknado 2: The Second One premieres on Syfy Wednesday, July 30 at 9:00. Syfy and The Asylum have partnered with Three Rivers Press, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group at Random House, Inc., on the trade paperback original How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack. On sale now, How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disaster is the first and only comprehensive guide to surviving the dangers of a post-apocalyptic world where Mother Nature is angry and monsters are hungry. Inside this life-saving reference book, readers will find vital information on everything from firenados and swamp volcanoes to arachnoquakes and piranhacondas.

- Syfy and The Asylum, through their licensing and merchandising agency Earthbound, are also partnering with game developer Other Ocean and publisher Majesco Entertainment Company to release Sharknado: The Video Game for the iPhone, iPad and iPod Touch. Designed in the popular ‘infinite runner’ genre, players assume the lead role as Fin as they race to destroy a series of shark-infested tornadoes threatening New York City. The game will release prior to the July 30 premiere of Sharknado 2. To learn more about Sharknado: The Video Game visit: www.otherocean.com.

- Dirty Heads have released the official music video for the debut single "My Sweet Summer" from their new studio album Sound of Change. The video, conceived and directed by the band, can now be viewed below. Sound of Change is available in stores and online everywhere now.


- Golden is the first full-length from Nashville's neo-folk band Charlie and the Foxtrots. Intertwining poppy, energetic writing with country instrumentation, the band "combines alt-folk, bluegrass and rock elements with an Americana sensibility." (Groundsounds) Since their debut in January 2013, the seven members have wowed their listeners with their "Southern-fried slow burners" (Elmore) and Golden is nothing less of excellence. Watch the Big Bad Wolf video below.



- Sandra Bernhard will guest star in FX’s new comedy You’re the Worst. She will play herself in the episode titled Equally Dead Inside. You’re the Worst premieres Thursday, July 17 at 10:30) on FX following the series premiere of Married at 10:00.

Previewing Masters of Sex: Season Two

Back in the earlier days of the internet when message boards were a big part of going online, I was a big spoiler reader. That was up until the sixth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer when I was spoiled very early on that Willow would end up being the season’s Big Bad which ruined my enjoyment of that season as I waited for her heel turn (sorry to those not caught up, but the season aired twelve years ago and Evil Willow does appear on the DVD cover art). Since then I unbookmarked all the spoiler sites I subscribed to and pretty much stay out of comment sections of non-spoiler sites because there are always a few trolls. And I have been much happier watching television ever since. With one exception: historical dramas. It took a lot of willpower to not go to Wikipedia while watching Deadwood to see what exactly happened to the real Seth Bullock and Al Swearengen (it was somewhat satisfying when the show ended premature to see what really happened to the characters after the show ended).

So after William Masters got fired at the end of the first season of Masters of Sex for his graphic sex study, it again took a lot of willpower to not go to Wikipedia to see where he went next or if maybe he was able to get his job back. I did make it the six months without peaking (thankfully the show is premiering earlier this year, a trend I hope continues next year when it premieres during the spring). For the spoilerphobes like me, I will not tell you where he end up, but of course Dr. Masters does find a place to continue the sex study by the end of the season premiere.

This season Annaleigh Ashford, who was the best part of the early episodes as one of the prostitute Masters observed before moving his study into the hospital, has promoted to the main cast and surprisingly plays a role in Masters ability in continuing his study. Despite being stuck on crappy CBS sitcoms, Beau Bridges and Allison Janney managed to find time to film a couple scenes for the premiere so you will not have to wait long to see if Barton decided to go through electroshock therapy (the youngest Scully also returns for a couple episodes even though she also booked herself a zombie show on The CW which may be the worst fate of all the Scullys).

Aside from homosexuality, this season also tackles some other taboo subjects from the fifties, some that are still talked about only behind closed doors today including nymphomania, abortion and birth control, and ambiguous genitalia in a newborn. Television geeks will undoubtedly enjoy the third episode of the season which is a bottle episode. But really anyone who likes television should continue to enjoy the new season of Masters of Sex, the best new show of last season.

Masters of Sex airs Sundays at 10:00 on Showtime.

Previewing Ray Donovan: Season Two

Showtime had a lot riding on Ray Donovan. It was the next drama they launched after Homeland became the premium channel’s first show to challenge HBO’s prestige brand at award shows and year end critics list. To give it an extra boost, Showtime debuted it after the final season of its most successful show Dexter. And that worked as the first season became Showtime’s most watched new show ever.

The problem thought was that of all the people who watched it, you would be hard pressed to find anyone who thought Ray Donovan was great. And it lacked the critical acclaim though it did pick up two acting nominations at the Golden Globes, but those are really considered the drunk Emmy’s where nominations can be bought (you will have to wait until tomorrow to see if it gets nominated got any real Emmy’s, but do not hold your breath; it will certainly will not get any wins.)

Ray Donovan was good on paper, the show was created by the same person who did the critically adored (but little watched) Southland. Titular character was movie star Liev Schreiber while Jon Voight was hungry for a comeback. The cast was filled out by notable character actors Paula Malcomson (Deadwood) and Eddie Marsan(V for Vendetta) with appearances by Elliott Gould, James Woods, and Rosanna Arquette. But at this point it seemed like people were sick of antiheroes like Ray who are more “anti” than “hero.” Certainly no one wanted to relive the Boston area priest abuse scandal that more than one of the Donovan brothers were a part of and Ray’s cases were just extremely clichéd.

Without the Dexter lead-in, Ray Donovan is now tasked with anchoring its own night (this time with the show being followed by the second most watched debut in Showtime history, the vastly superior Masters of Sex which actually showed up on Best of the Year lists, including mine). Bu here I the thing, the second season is dramatically more entertaining than the first and that is because they actually brought in characters finally worth caring about.

First you will meet Hank Azaria (The Simpsons Movie) as the head of the FBI who wants to know just what happened on the docks when Sully Sulivan was killed and instantly has the best lines in the whole show and some extracurricular activities that, although are not the kind Ray can exploit, are extremely entertaining. Next up is Wendall Pierce (Treme) who pops up next week as Mickey’s parole officer and even though his easier to exploit extracurricular activities, Pierce continues to be great in everything he does, even if the material is not great.

Even the where has she been hiding the past decade Vinessa Shaw (Ladybugs) is a better addition than most of the original cast as a Boston Globe reporter who does not believe the FBI’s story of what happened to the West Coast to see how exactly the Donovan family is connected with the death. Not only has the guest stars been upgraded this season, Ray’s cases are more interesting including a singing competition contestant getting shot and a producer that will do anything to have sex with a porn show. The first season of Ray Donovan may not have made any Best Of lists last years, but for those that stick around and watch the second season just may find space for the second season on this year’s list.

Ray Donovan airs Sundays at 9:00 on Showtime.

The Ten Best Television Shows of 2013-14

For my list of best shows of the year, I only consider shows that air a majority of their episodes during the past year so I did not consider the most recent season of Mad Men which stupidly was split into half season with the remaining episodes not airing until spring of 2015. Here are the ten best shows that aired their episodes in the same twelve month periods.

1. Hannibal, Season 2 (NBC)

2. Justified, Season 5 (FX)

3. Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey (FOX)

4. Masters of Sex, Season 1 (Showtime)

5. The Blacklist, Season 1 (NBC)

6. Orphan Black, Season 2 (BBC America)

7. The Americans, Season 2 (FX)

8. Penny Dreadful, Season 1 (Showtime)

9. Parenthood, Season 5 (NBC)

10. Sons of Anarchy, Season 6 (FX)


And for fun, here are the shows that had the most Quotes and Songs of the Week from the past year.

Quotes of the Week:
Justified – 8
The Bridge – 6
Mad Men – 5
Homeland – 4
Shameless – 3
The Big Bang Theory – 2
Masters of Sex – 2
Once Upon a Time – 2
Orphan Black – 2
Penny Dreadful – 2
Pretty Little Liars – 2
Survivor – 2
The Challenge – 1
Community - 1
How I Met Your Mother – 1
King of the Nerds – 1
Nashville – 1
NFL Draft – 1
The Neighbors – 1
Ray Donovan – 1
The Sing-Off – 1
Tyrant – 1
Under the Dome – 1

Songs of the Week:
How I Met Your Mother – 6
Pretty Little Liars – 5
The Goldbergs – 4
The Americans – 3
Nashville – 3
Ray Donovan – 3
The Blacklist – 2
Growing Up Fisher – 2
Orphan Black - 2
Revenge – 2
Suburgatory – 3
The Big Bang Theory – 1
The Bridge – 1
Californication – 1
The Colbert Report – 1
Community - 1
Crisis – 1
Dominion – 1
House of Lies – 1
Mad Men – 1
Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – 1
The Millers – 1
Perception – 1
Sons of Anarchy – 1
Tyrant – 1

The Tenth Annual Scooter Television Awards

Welcome to the 10th Annual Scooter Television Awards honoring show that aired a majority of their season between June 2013 and June 2014. Without further ado, here are the winners of the 2014 STA's:

Best Scripted Show: Hannibal

Best Sitcom: The Big Bang Theory

Best Sci-Fi Show: Orphan Black

Best Reality Show: Survivor: Blood vs. Water

Best Talent Competition: The Sing-Off

Best Talk Show: Pardon the Interruption

Best Talk Show Host: Norm McDonald

Best New Show: Masters of Sex

Best Mini-Series: Bonnie and Clyde

Guiltiest Guilty Pleasure: Pretty Little Liars

Best Awards Show: 2014 Grammy Awards

Best Hour of TV: Mizumono – Hannibal

Best Half Hour of TV: Goldbergs Never Say Die – The Goldbergs

Biggest Shocker: Hannibal Lecter leaves his house with everyone else near death

Worst Idea: The How I Met Your Mother ending

Worst Moment: Kat not making the merge on Survivor: Blood vs. Water

Biggest Disappointment: Homeland season three

Best New Title Sequence: Penny Dreadful


Best Song Placement: Ants Marching – Dave Matthews Band (Community)

Best Karaoke: Islands In the Stream – Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton (as sung by Wayne Brady and Wayne Brady, How I Met Your Mother)

Best Singing Competition Performance: The Scientist – Holly Henry


Best Dance Sequence: Bert Cooper’s exit (Mad Men)


Best Fight (Scripted): Dr. Hannibal Lecter vs. Special Agent-in-Charge Jack Crawford (Hannibal)

Best Fight (Unscripted): Nany Gonzalez vs. Camilla Nakagawa (The Challenge: Free Agents)

Hottest Token Hot Chick:

Best Character: Alison Hendrix (Orphan Black)

Best New Character: Raymond Reddington (The Blacklist)

Best Recurring Character: Dewey Crowe (Justified)

Best Guest Appearance: Nick Fury (Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Best Duo: Leo Fitz and Jemma Simmons (Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Most Entertaining Reality “Star”: Ciera Eastin (Survivor: Blood vs. Water)

Most Annoying Reality “Star”: Brad (Not-Dante) Culpepper (Survivor: Blood vs. Water)

Best Quote: Spare us the wiener act. Bullying is a vital part of every ecosystem, it teaches kids resilience. The world is a rough place. Bullying is like getting inoculated: it’s a vaccine. And you little (expletive deleted), you got to learn to stay away from people like my son. That is what you learn when you get punched in the face by a bully. How do you think Steve Jobs turned out so great? Bullies. And I guarantee Junior here will be getting the hottest chicks when he’s thirty because he got bullied today. Do you want to peak now? My kid will be picking up roadside garbage in an orange jumpsuit in ten years and you’re kid will be in med school curing cancer and getting laid. You’re welcome. (Frank Gallahger, Shameless)

Best “Unscripted” Quote: Our relationship is just starting and now I've, like, embarrassed all his friends. Who wants to date someone that doesn’t make the merge? (Kat Edorsson, Survivor: Blood vs. Water)

Show That Should Be Brought Back: Suburgatory

Most Anticipated New Show of Next Season: Marvel’s Agent Carter

Biggest Question for 2014-2015: Can Homeland ever be great again?