Hey, How Long Till the Music Drowns You Out?

Ashlee Simpson’s take 2 on Saturday Night Live has come and gone and for some reason, I felt inclined to watch it yet again. Yeah she actually sang, but that’s not necessarily a good thing for her. I also love the new keyboardist who has been added to her band after her tone deaf performance during the Orange Bowl last year singing every single word along with her. After Saturdays poor performance I wouldn’t be surprised it the make the keyboardist a little louder on her next live performance. And even though she didn’t pull out the jig again she still performs like a contestant in a middle school talent show.

The sad thing is that the writers did nothing to poke fun at last year’s debacle at any time during the performance as if it never happened. Seriously the joke wrote itself and most likely would have been funnier than anything else on the show. The Kanye West and Mike Myers bit was the funniest part of the show last week, why not try it again? And herein lies the problem of this season of SNL – no Tina Fey. She has carried the show in recent years as the head writer and the best Weekend Update anchor since Norm McDonald. And with Fey and Maya Rudolf out with babies, why did they not bring in new females to the cast this year. Now we are stuck with a solid Amy Poehler and a not very funny Rachael Dratch to carry the load and sadly, I’m sure we’ll see a lot of Horatio Sanz in a dress this year. Speaking of the guy who break characters so much he makes Jimmy Fallon look professional, how did Sanz get to take Fey’s spot at the Update desk? I am now convinced that he has something over Loren Michaels. And surely it doesn’t help when you bring in hosts that simply are not funny like the dude from Napealon Dynamite. Then later they are bringing in Chatherine Zeta-Jones and Lance Armstrong, and so it won’t get much better.

But with all the trash talk of Ashlee, I do have a confession to make – I actually like the Boyfriend song. And it’s not like LaLa that was entertaining when hearing it sung by an old dude at karaoke kinda way either (you have not lived until you heard my version). When she continually yells “ha” just adds the cheese factor to the point it’s entertaining. And after going threw her ugly black hair period, she actually looked hot in the video too. Granted I have a theory only the most beautiful girls in the world can pull off dark hair yet just anyone can look hot with blonde. The quick editing hide her bad dancing and when she slaps her butt during her many “ha’s” makes me laugh every time. But the best part of the video is how anemic the drummer looks every time the camera is on as if he just came back from a lobotomy. You can almost hear his inner voice saying “This is what my career has come to – drumming for the least credible artist since Milli Vanilli.” Unfortunately, Ashlee when with the killed any buzz she gain by going blonde with the weird hair extensions she was sporting on SNL.

One quick baseball note, I mentioned yesterday that it looked like the Berkman grand slam and Burke walk off home run were hit in the same place and apparently I was right as the same guy caught both balls. Somebody better give that guy season tickets for life for coming up with both balls that should make their way to Cooperstown someday.

The New Killer B(urke)

I was planning on ripping Ashlee Simpson’s latest poor outing on Saturday Night Live, but I was sidetracked today by the six hour, eighteen inning playoff game between the Houston Astros and Atlanta Braves. After being down 6-1 in the bottom of the eighth, one of longtime killer B, Lance Berkman hit a grand slam into the Crawford Boxes to get within a run. Then in the bottom of the 9th, down to their last out, Brad Ausmus tied up the game with a home run that was so close to the yellow line, ever time they replayed it at regular speed, I couldn’t see it hit above it. Major props to the umpire that had the great eye to see it. Then after that score, there was essentially a second game play as the game went another nine innings after that. There were some close plays on both sides with Luke Scott coming within inches of a walk off homerun in the 10th and the Braves left them loaded in the 14th. In the end, the box score ended up looking like that of an all-star game with all the switches to the roster with all but one position player not getting into the game. The Astros even had four different players at first base and Eric Bruntlett coming in the eighth as a short shop only to move to center field the back to short only to end the game at center.

The ending finally came after Rodger Clemens coming in to pinch hit in the 15th and follow that up with three scoreless innings. Then in the bottom of the 18th, after Clemens struck out, the newest killer B, Chris Burke hit a ball into the Craford Boxes, almost exactly in the same place Berkman, who Burke pinch ran for way back in the 10th, ten innings earlier for the walk off home run. And just like that, the longest playoff game ever was over.

Now the Astros will travel to St. Louis to start that series on Wednesday. So much for Lost and Veronica Mars (hopefully it will be an early start and won’t go 18 innings). With Pettitte starting game one with Clemens and Oswalt to follow and in a possible seven game series, having those guys on the mound for most likely six of the games, I am very confident that the Astros can make it to the World Series this year. I really hope Carlos Beltran is having fun watching this from his multimillion dollar couch.

I Guess it Wasn't Really Right

Everyone knows who Nickelback is; they exploded back in 2001 after How You Remind Me exploded onto radio and was played everywhere from football stadiums to bar mitzvahs to the point where they had those five word in our head, are we having fun yet (of course this is not to be confused with the five words Bon Jovi swore to us). Well I recently got those five words out of my head just in time for the release of their latest album, All the Right Reasons.

By now most people have heard the first single off the album, Photograph (no it’s not the Def Leppard song, nor is Animal the Def Leppard song either). The song is like a musical version of having your parents sit you down and force you to watch their photo log of their vacation that they didn’t bother to invite you on. Not necessarily what you want people to originally associate with your record. Luckily the most of the album isn’t as sappy as Photograph except for the depressingly sad (and I mean it in a bad way) Far Away or the tree hugging hippie sounding If Everyone Care. The last song, Rockstar and it’s weird pseudo-bluesy sound and so bad they are funny lyrics about the life of a rockstar are saved by the appearance of one of the bearded dudes from ZZ Top.

The band has never been known for any thought provoking lyrics, check out the uber-perverse Figured You Out from their last record, and their reputation won’t changed on All the Right Reasons. Follow You Home takes the “No Means Yes” philosophy to dating. Fight for All the Wrong Reasons take a page out of the Figured You Out lyric book with lines like, “It's just a little hard to leave when you're going down on me.” What girl wouldn’t be swept off her feet with a line like that?

Silly lyrics aside, the band does get down to rocking a little with the help of Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top on two tracks and the late Dimebag from Pantera on another. Bringing in a couple Americans to rock is a good idea from the band because Canadian rock about as good as American can play hockey. But really after listening to the album a couple times I really hope the Canadians stop importing horrible rock music (see also: Sum41 and Avril Lavigne) and go back to importing the best Canadian resources, comedians and beer. And thank goodness hockey is back, or at least I've heard.

Song to Download – Follow You Home

All the Right Reasons gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Toss Up: Lost vs Veronica Mars week 2

Wednesday was the second head to head meeting between Lost and Veronica Mars, luckily my Astros played the early game and thus didn’t conflict with the two best shows on television today. Hopefully, I so lucky in upcoming weeks but the upside would be if the Astros are playing on Wednesday that means they are still in the playoffs. But back to the scripted entertainment, I am toying with the idea of doing this segment this season and will be spoiler heavy if you haven’t seen them. So onto this week’s competition:

Guest Stars
Lost: Peggy Bundy as Locke’s former flame sans Al.
Veronica Mars: Silent Bob playing a shady convenience store clerk sans Jay.
Winner: Veronica Mars.

New Cast Member
Lost: Ana Lucia as a captive turn captor who may or may not be consorting with the Others.
Veronica Mars. Jackie as newly stuck up 09er who is the daughter of baseball player, Terrence Stamp.
Winner: Lost (I’m really not liking Jackie so far, it may be the actress)

Daddy Issues
Lost: Locke is still bitter that dad used him solely for his liver.
Veronica Mars: Jessie is bitter that everyone thinks her bus driving dad committed suicide.
Winner: Lost

Biggest Shock
Lost: The bunker is some sort of University sponsored experience.
Veronica Mars: Meg survived.
Winner: Lost

MIA
Lost: Shannon
Veronica Mars: Weevil
Winner: Veronica Mars (How dare Lost leaved off the token hot chick?)

Best Cultural Reference
Lost: Sawyer call one of his captor’s Shaft.
Veronica Mars: Veronica wonders why birds suddenly appear when she is close to Sheriff Lamb.
Winner: Veronica Mars (Yeah, Shaft is way cooler than the Carpenters, but it’s all about the delivery and situation)

Ending
Lost: Jack gives into temptation and hits execute. (Yawn)
Veronica Mars: A body washes on-shore with Veronica’s name written on his hand. (Wow)
Winner: Veronica Mars

So this week goes to Veronica Mars who once again had the stronger overall episode while Lost once again had a lot of boring points including seeing the same scene for the third week in a row. Did we really need to see it twice, let along three times? And like Michael’s flashbacks last week, nothing interesting came out of Locke’s flashbacks. Looking ahead:

Next Week
Lost: Jin speaks perfect English.
Veronica Mars: Veronica becomes a suspect in the bus crash.
Early Predicted Winner: Lost

Current Theories Based on Last Week
Lost: Locke was paralyzed when shot by his dad while trespassing.
Veronica Mars: Beaver and Dick are not blood brothers.


While I’m on the subject of television, I wanted to make a quick note on Survivor. How could they possible kick off all the hot chicks in three consecutive weeks? Seriously, how could anyone vote for the hotties with great bodies Morgan, Brianna, and Brooke over Lydia and her old, out of shape with hip surgery? Even if all of them didn’t contribute anything physically to the tribe, you should at least keep them around for something to look out. I hope Judd goes insane in the next couple days when he has nothing better to look at than Margaret. Quite simply worst Survivor ever. EVER. If fact I am switching my Thursday pecking order to:

1. Smallville
2. Everybody Hates Chris
3. Survivor
4. Sorry Alias, you’re still off the radar.

I will leave you with one last look at the fallen. (Cue It's so Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday)

Do You Really Know Me at All?

For a long time Liz Phair was the queen of indie-rock. The only problem with that is that indie-rock doesn’t do a very good job at paying the bill. So on her last album, entitled, um appropriately, Liz Phair, she teamed up with the production team the brought us Avril Lavigne, The Matrix. The album, full of soft rock very reminiscent of the previously mentioned Lavigne, finally got Phair onto the radio with catch songs such as Why Can’t I. Keeping with the formula that made the self-titled album a hit, Phair is back with her latest effort, Somebody’s Miracle.

The first track, Leap of Innocence can sum up the album as a whole, because where on the last album, she made a hop into the realm of pop music, but with Somebody’s Miracle, Phair takes a leap into innocent music. Throughout most of the album, it sound like a high school choir member trying to read sheet music for the first time as she carefully tries to hit every note just right and the same goes for the musicians backing her.

There are very few songs here that are even worthy of listening to more than once. The best of them being the current single, Everything to Me which is as cookie cutter as everything else but its lovelorn lyrics do have a sense of emotion that is lacking elsewhere on the album. But the other songs sound like they belong on a Hilary Duff album.

Song to Download – Everything to Me

Somebody’s Miracle gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Promise You Everything Will be Just Fine

With music companies worried about shrinking music sales, they have gone to extreme measure to ensure a hit. A couple years ago, it was rumored that executives at Dave Matthews Band’s record companies rejected what would be known as the Lilywhite Sessions because there wasn’t a “hit.” Dave and boys would end up shelving that record and wound up releasing a far more pop, and inferior record, Everyday. The Lilywhite Sessions ended up seeing the light of day a couple years later after reworking the tracks with a new producer on the album Busted Stuff.

The latest battle between the record companies and the artist (and fans for that matter) was spearheaded by the shelving of Fiona Apple’s album. But much like the DMB incident, the fans protested and the record company decided to put the album in the pipeline and Apple decided to rerecord much of the album. In a bit of irony, the original producer who also helped out with Apple previous albums, Jon Brion, went on to co-produce Kanye West’s Late Registration while Apple brought in Mike Elizondo, best know or his work with Dr. Dre’s extended musical family, to replace Brion.

So now we can finally hear for ourselves the finished album, Extraordinary Machine. The album starts off with the title track, one of the few leftovers from the Brion sessions, it's a light song that utilized sparse instruments such as a stand up bass and an occasional ringing of a bell. Apple also uses her voice almost as an instrument itself making it very reminiscent of the jazz singers of early last century. From there, the album utilizes many different interments that many other artists don’t even think of using like a xylophone on Tymps (The Sick in the Head Song). Apple does go simplistic on the beautiful Parting Gift where it’s just here and her piano.

Extraordinary Machine does have it spots though. Upon multiple spins, the chorus to Window, started to get on my nerves. Also the back to back songs with repetitive titles, Please, Please, Please and Red, Red, Red also wear thin after listening to the album a couple times. It’s odd that Apple would slip into these devises when she goes out of her way to push the boundaries of music elsewhere on the album.

Apple has always been a talented lyrist, but this album seemed to get an extra boost thanks to the break up between her and her most recent boyfriend as seen in titles such as Get Him Back, Parting Gifts, and Not About Love. She even starts off Get Him Back with the lines, “One man, he'd disappoint me. He'd give me the gouge and he take my glee. Now every other man I see remind me of the one man who disappointed me.” So obviously the breakup wasn’t a good one. But at least it makes for a good album.

Song to Download – Extraordinary Machine

Extraordinary Machine gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

What's Wrong With a Little Destruction

The first time I heard Franz Ferdinand was a couple years back when I got one of the Madden Series and Take Me Out was on it. Since I plated the game way too much, the song got on real tired to me by the time it hit the radio to the point I would always turn it off and play Madden on mute to avoid the song. A couple months went by, and I had moved on from playing Madden for hours a day, I saw the song again on the original PSP commercial and the song began to grow on me again.

Franz Ferdinand named for the dude who started the First World War, is back with their second album, You Could Have it so Much Better. Much of the songs are so upbeat ands danceable, it make you sad that summer is over, but at least you will have something to put on at your Halloween party when Monster Mash gets overplayed. The party gets started with The Fallen, the catchiest of all the dance songs, but still has a dirty feel to it. The new single Do You Want To sounds like something that would be at home at the disco in the 70’s. Well That Was Easy has the type of time changes that made Take Me Out a hit. And oddly enough, the start of Evil and a Heathen sounds exactly like the Theme to 9 to 5.

When the band slows things down, such on Eleanor Put Your Boots On, they come across sounding like a Beatles cover band, except the lead singer, Alex Kapranos, sound as if he can’t decide whether he wants to channel Lennon or Dylan. Fade Together, another slow one, sounds like something out of the Beatles psychedelic phase. But if you take out the slow songs that drag down the album, you will have something to party to until at least the New Year.

Song to Download – The Fallen

You Can Have it so Much Better gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Don't Ever Call Me Again

From the trailer, Cellular looked intriguing. A kidnapped woman is able to fix a broken telephone to the point where she can make a call to an unknown person. My only problem is that I completely and utterly hate cell phone. Everyone I see yapping on the phone at the stoplight, grocery story, bathroom, and virtually everywhere else, I just want to scream “you are not that important that you need to contacted at any given moment.” I only carry a cell phone when I drive just because my hoopie can give out on me at any given moment. So needless to say, I had a bias against the film going in.

The movie stars Kim Basinger, best known for Final Analysis, as the previously mention damsel in distress, while Chris Evans, who has such gems as Not Another Teen Movie and Fantastic Four on his resume, as the knight in shinning amour, except a sword he carries a cell phone that probably cost a couple hundred. Filling out the cast is William H Macy, challenging Samuel L Jackson for number of movies he’s in regardless of quality, as a cop investigating the case, Jessica Biel as the token hot chick even though she rarely can fill the role properly, and Kim’s husband is played by Susan Mayer’s ex-husband.

There were plenty of plot holes throughout the movie, the one that bugged me the most was the school schedules in the movie. First the little kid gets out of school at 1:45, who actually get out that early. Then his mother is a high school science teacher, yet she has enough time to walk to him to the bus stop and take a shower, and still not be late for school herself. How much later does high school start after elementary school in California, in all the schools in my area, high school starts about an hour earlier? And speaking of the shower, why didn’t the housekeeper answer the phone while Kim was in there and even is she isn’t allowed to answer it, why didn’t she her the warning message? But I did like how her science job helped her out later in the film.

The movie also falls flat when it tries to interject humor into the script. Kim’s son having the same name as a cheesy singer just doesn’t work and ruins the urgency of the moment and Evan’s character being introduced as he was in a romantic comedy complete with a ex-girlfriend he wants to get back with and Stifler type sidekick also seems out of place too. There were even more scenes of this included in the deleted scenes including a token performance this time by G Love. The only thing that actually got me to chuckle was Macy’s porn star mustache. The movie also utilizes everything that could wrong with cell phones, tunnels, running out of juice, crossing signals, the latter being the most entertaining which involves a evil LA lawyer.

Cellular gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Now We Grieve Cause Now Is Gone

With all the new shows that needed to be reviewed, I really haven’t had the time to review a summer show that just ended. The first season of Rescue Me was so entertaining that it won the inaugural STA for Best Cable Show for its first season. That season we were introduced to the gang that included the ultimate alpha-male Tommy, the chief Jerry, the old dude Kenny, the new guy Probie, the ladies man Franco, and the idiot Garrity. The season ended with Franco condition unknown after getting hurt due to Tommy’s mistake with Tommy adding anger to his guilt when his wife took off with their kids.

As the second season starts, Tommy asks for a transfer and is ship off to the suburbs where nothing happens, Franco recovered but picked up a painkiller habit, and Tommy’s kids were nowhere to be found. But each episode is started with the heart pounding C’mon, C’mon. Other main storylines that were introduced was Kenny now was living at the firehouse after getting a divorce, and the chief having to care for his wife who is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s.

Tommy does still drive the show. In an attempt to look like a better father in hopes to win custody of his kids once he finds them, he decides to sober up. This eliminates the ghost he continually would see last season. Grant the side effect of being sober was that he now kept on seeing Jesus and on occasion Mary Magdalene who, at least in the entertainment department, was more entertaining than the many ghosts that haunted the alcoholic Tommy.

There were a few storylines this year that I could have done without, most notably the one with Tommy’s half-brother priest. But as a whole the second season was just as entertaining as the first. The most entertaining is whenever Garrety walk on the screen and show some great comic chops, from helping Probie to determine whether he had ball cancer to debating the existence of God with Tommy’s youngest daughter, Garrety always brings his A game. And with everything that happened at the end of this season, it looks like season three is shaping up to be as good as the previous two.

Rescue Me 2.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Who You Gonna Call?

As we begin the fall season and a march to Halloween, and the commercials for haunted houses start to air, what better induction to the Scooter Hall of Fame than the best movie of all time that deals with the other worldly, Ghostbusters. I loved the movie as a child and even watched the cartoon that somehow turned Slimer into a good guy. Looking back, it ruins the continuity, but luckily as a little kid I didn’t care. I even enjoyed the widely panned sequel, yeah it wasn’t as good as the original, but it is still funnier than much of what Hollywood releases today. Not to mention the numerous memorabilia such as bed sheets, lunch box, and action figures.

The movie also introduced me to the comic geniuses that are Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, and Harold Ramis. Keep in mind that Saturday Night Live, Caddyshack and previous movies they were in were before my time or were in movies that my parents wouldn’t let me see at the time. Murray plays Dr. Peter Venkman, the reluctant leader of the group who would rather pick up some hot chick than further his science career. Aykroyd is Dr. Raymond Stantz, the naive one of the group who enjoys his work a little too much. And Ramis, the perennial straightman, plays Dr. Egon Spengler. All of them hit each joke perfectly.

In addition to the main cast, the supporters are just as perfect. First is the scene stealer, Rick Moranis as an accountant turned Keymaster. Sigourney Weaver, who did look good back then but the frizzy hair hasn’t aged well, is Venkman’s love interest turned Gatekeeper. Then there are Annie Potts as the token New Yorker secretary and Ernie Hudson, the only ghostbuster without a Dr. in his name that keeps the group grounded and keeps thing in perspective from a regular guy’s point of view.

The movie itself maybe not be as quote worthy as other 80’s classics and some of the CG has not stood the test of time (where George Lucas when you need him) but the movie as a whole is still worth watching especially with Halloween coming up. So fire up the DVD and let the Ray Parker Jr. blare (which I don’t think sounds anything like Huey Lewis’ I Want a New Drug). And don’t forget to roast some Staypuft Marshmallows over the fire.

Next Impressions – Smallville / Everwood

Okay, so I sort of cheated on the title because I had no desire to count up how many seasons but two shows I’ve watch faithfully from their fruitions started back up yesterday. Granted I watched neither of them live rather I trusted the good ‘ol VCR to help me out.

Smallville

I was really unhappy when I heard that the show was moving opposite of Survivor and my most anticipated new show Everybody Hates Chris. But I grew up on the Christopher Reeves Superman and have affection for the franchise even though I’m not much of a comic book geek. Plus I still believe Lana Lang is the hottest chick on television today so I have no reason to stop watching unlike another anemic show that moved into the same timeslot on Another Broadcast Channel (and I capitalized the letters for a reason).

We left Smallville (see my review - I'm More Than a Man in a Silly Red Cape) last season after yet another meteor shower hit the town which left Mama and Papa Kent in mortal danger (yet again), Lana climbing out of a crashed helicopter and looking into a crater left by a meteor (or so I thought), Lex and Chloe in the caves that just transported Clark into the artic. So in the premier last night we learn that the Kent’s made it out all right, no surprise there. Also Clark, while stuck in the artic, witnessed the construction of his Fortress of Solitude as I predicted he would find at the end of last season. But the big surprise was that Chloe also made the trip there. Also the crater that Lana climbed up was not made by a meteor but by a spaceship much like Clark’s.

Out of the spaceship came to Kryptonians very reminiscent of the baddies from Superman 2 on a search for Kal-El. I was really sad to see Clark dispatch the baddies so easily but it was cool how they were eliminated in the cool 2-D effect that the same baddies from the movie were vanquished. But it would have been nice to see the two be a thorn in Clark’s side for most of the season. But considering the closeness of Lana’s mystery tattoo resembled the one on the females back, we may see them again. And they just may be brought back by the black oil (very X-Files looking) that changed into the form of William the Bloody.

Elsewhere Lois Lane has officially joined the cast and promptly pissed off the visiting Kryptonians nearly getting a broken neck for her troubles. Of course she just a nice precursor until we get to see Kate Bosworth patrolling the Daily Planet when the new Superman movie comes out next year. Also it looks like we may finally witness a pure evil Lex this season which could make this the best season in a while. Granted we have seen that before only for Clark and Lex to be buddy-buddy again by the third episode.

Verdict: If the premier was any indication, I made the right chose in watching Smallville and skipping a slipping Alias and will be battling Everybody Hates Chris for number two in the pecking order at its timeslot.


Everwood

One of the most solid shows in recent memories, even without any monsters, conspiracies, or superpowers has been Everwood. In it run, it has been a well crafted, well written, and well cast. Last night was the start of the new season, now on a new night. The big news last season (see my review - Rocky Mountain High) was that Andy professed his love to Nina, Mama Brown has cancer, and Ephram left for Europe, hopefully never to be seen again, or at least I hoped as his character got extremely annoying last year.

This season started off with a wedding where Andy and Nina are dancing, oh those wacky writer making you think one way but throw you a curve. They then go back a week to retell the story, and within that flashback we see many flashbacks throughout the season. As I predicted, not only was it not Andy and Nina’s wedding, the dude from Party of Five not currently stranded on a deserted island got the girl.

The big new of the season though is Amy’s new haircut. She went from the long flowing, best seen in a slow motion flip, type hair to a shorter, almost mini-Rachael. I have yet decided which I like better, but I’m currently leaning towards the newer version. And I hope that she someday films a comedy because her reaction to finding out her crush was a gay homosexual was priceless. Speaking of which, Bright extra exertion in mentioning Colin was not his partner were great too. Everwood could become the new Will and Grace now that it’s no longer on the air. (Wait it’s still on? I could have sworn it hasn’t been on for about three years now. But anyways.)

Sadly the solid episode was spoiled by the return of Ephram. I seriously don’t like this guy. Hopefully he goes back to Europe soon, because I’m not sure if I can stand another season of him whining. And if he does, with any luck Amy will spend more time trying to convert the homosexual American and ignore Ephram.

Vertict: No much how much I like Everwood and mock Reunion for its poor acting and predictable storylines, I’m drawn to Reunion like passing a car wreck on the side of the highway and will end up taping Everwood and watch it with Smallville on the weekend.

Second Impressions – Veronica Mars

While all the lemmings were watching yet another answerless episode of Lost, I instead was watching the premiere of what was truly the best show of last year, Veronica Mars. When we last left Ms. Mars, we found out who raped her, whether her and Duncan were related and, most importantly we learned who actually killed Lily Kane. But they did leave us with a little cliffhanger of who was at the door that Veronica was hoping to see.

The show started off with Veronica at her new job as a waitress explaining how normal became the watchword after the events of last season. This includes who in fact was behind the door. When Veronica opened the door and said her line, I swear that the silhouette looked like Duncan, but alas it turned out to be Logan. I really doubt after all that just happened that she was happy to see the son of the man who just tried to kill her and that she, like I, thought it was Duncan at the door.

After the synopsis of the summer, the episode quickly transitioned into the mystery of the week formula, this time including many varsity athletes failed their drug tests. Veronica quickly exposes the perpetrators to give time to set the main mysteries of the year. The first came early when Logan was acquitted of killing Felix. Oh and Logan also seemed to hook up with the new token hot chick/trophy wife. Big mystery number two came at the end of the show in a jaw dropping moment (I still haven’t quite recovered) when the bus that Veronica was supposed to be riding on went off the cliff. Holy (expletive deleted)! When the Lily Kane murder investigation was over I wasn’t sure how they could come up with a plot that Veronica could be equally invested in but they really set this plotline up perfectly as not only was Veronica supposed to be on that bus, and was somehow saved by Lily’s ghost, but Meg, who Veronica was trying to make up with after basically stealing her boyfriend, was killed on the bus. And had Meg had not been at odds with Veronica and Duncan; Meg would had joined Dick’s limousine party. Welcome to guilt city.

Speaking of Dick, he and his brother Beaver made it into the credits this year. I never realized how dirty their names are until Duncan asked their step-mom, “Can Dick and Beaver come out to play?” Nor did I even realize that they were related in the first place. And apparently Veronica Mars didn’t meet UPN’s minority quota, a new black girl has also joined the cast although she didn’t make an appearance last night. But we did meet two new recurring characters Cordelia Chase as the pre-for mentioned trophy wife of Dick and Beaver’s dad and Sgt. Carey Mahoney as a new mayoral candidate and owner of the baseball team. And I really doubt that it a coincidence that the candidate’s daughter was supposed to be on the bus that went over the cliff.

Of course the best part of the show is its pop culture references and there were enough last night to make Buffy jealous including West Side Story, Ordinary People, The Godfather, South Park, Bark’s Root Beer Dumass commercial, and Nelly’s spelling of Dirrty. And fore anyone who has not caught the show yet, next week is the best week to start as there will be an appearance of Kevin Smith as a convenience store clerk. No word on if he will have lines or will remain silent yet. And if you miss the first season, don’t forget to buy, rent, or borrow the DVD when it comes out October 11th.

Verdict: You should be watching this while taping Lost. Hey, you can do it the other way, but you must watch Veronica Mars, truly the best show on television today.


As for Lost, I did tape it because, I too am a lemming. I found the episode to be the most boring of the whole season so far. Michael’s flashbacks told us nothing, the scenes set at sea were equally nonsense. They even retold the descent into the hatch seen threw Locke’s eyes with very little news we couldn’t already decipher from last week aside that Kate is in the air vents. And how exactly did Jin make to shore before Michael and Sawyer and how did he not hear either of them screaming the night before when he finally came up for air? Not to mention, how does he know what the word “Others” meant? I doubt he just picked it up in conversation or that Sun put that word in his tutorial. Next week it looks like Lost will get back on track with the (re)introduction of Ana Lucia and we may finally figure out why Desmond is down the hatch and how he came across Jack years ago.

Toss Up: Lost vs. Veronica Mars

Tonight is the first head-to-head battle between my favorite new shows of last year, Lost and Veronica Mars. Now both are worth watching, but here I will break down which one you should watch live and which one you should watch afterward, not like Invasion is worth watching. (Warning: If you do not want to know what happened last season on either show, you may not want to read this post.)

Token Hot Chick
Lost: Had the inaugural winner of the Hottest Token Hot Chick at the STA’s.
Veronica Mars: No real token hot chick in the cast, has to rely on a new guest token hot chick every week. Granted that may change with the addition of Cordelia Chase to the cast this season.
Winner: Lost

Ickier Inbreeding
Lost: Step-siblings Boone and Shannon hook up after Boone comes to the rescue even after growing up together.
Veronica Mars: A drugged up Duncan has sex with Veronica even though he thinks he’s her brother.
Winner: Lost

Theme Song
Lost: Five seconds of weird sounds.
Veronica Mars: One of the catchiest songs in recent memory, We Used to be Friends.
Winner: Veronica Mars

Death Scene
Lost: Boone falls off a cliff while trying to make contact over a radio.
Veronica Mars: Lily Kane is bludgeoned to death trying to blackmail some one.
Winner: Veronica Mars

Celebrity Guests
Lost: Carol Vessey, The Terminator, and the chick from Sisters
Veronica Mars: Paris Hilton and the dude from LA Law. Granted Joss Whedon and Kevin Smith will be appearing this season, the latter as, of course, a convenience store clerk.
Winner: Lost

Bigger Surprise
Lost: Locke was in a wheelchair.
Veronica Mars: Duncan was the one who rapped Veronica granted he was doped up too.
Winner: Lost

Scarier Setting
Lost: A tropical jungle inhabited by weird creatures and even weirder natives.
Veronica Mars: A concrete jungle where Alpha males and B-girls attend high school.
Winner: Veronica Mars

Better 80’s flashback
Lost: Jack sporting a near mullet.
Veronica Mars: Veronica dressed up like Madonna and Duncan with a Flock of Seagulls hairdo.
Winner: Veronica Mars

Bad Boy You Love to Hate
Lost: Sawyer gets people to hate him to punish himself.
Veronica Mars: Weevil, a gang member with a sweet spot for blond chicks.
Winner: Lost

Love Triangle
Lost: Sawyer and Jack fight for Kate’s attention. Sawyer, unlike Jack, made it to first base, but he’s currently lost at sea.
Veronica Mars: Duncan got there first, not that either one remembered, Logan on the other hand was the most recent to come close. Of course she will have to pick between two guys who have parents that one tried to convince was her brother and the other tried to kill her.
Winner: Veronica Mars

Best Finale
Lost: Arntz blows up, some dudes straight out of Deliverance steal Walt yet over three hours, nothing gets answered.
Veronica Mars: We actually learned who killed Lily Kane but not sure who’s at the door.
Winner: Veronica Mars.

And there you have it; Veronica Mars pulls out the win 6-5. (Blatant trolling for comments alert) What will you be watching tonight?

Broken Glass Everywhere

As a young white kid growing up in the suburbs, I listen to nothing but hip-hop throughout the Middle School years. My love of the genre has died down as I have grown mostly due to the blandness rap has gotten with it endless talk of bling over the same bland beats. I was ecstatic last year when VH1 started up their Hip-Hop Honors awards giving props to the innovators and reminding me of a time when rap was truly king. Last year honored some of my favorites such as Run-DMC, Public Enemy, and KRS-One. This years festivities did a better job of focusing on the inductees with only one performance of a song not made famous by an inductee whereas last year there was about three or four. Other highlights included:

- LL Cool J was the first inductee. I have always been on the fence about him as he was the guy who brought love songs into the culture. Buy on the other hand, Mama Said Knock You Out is a top 5 rap song of all time. LL is paid tribute by Nelly and Ciara, the black Britney (can’t sing, moderately attractive but shows a lot of skin). But how much of a tribute can it be when both need guided vocals to sing the songs.

- Next up is one of the mainstays of my Middle School years, Ice-T. To this day I can recite both the clean and dirty versions of New Jack Hustler. Ice-T is joined on stage by the only other gangsta rapper who has somehow crept into the mainstream Snoop Dogg. Had anyone guess back in '92 that one would be on the most successful TV show franchise and the other would be doing commercials with Lee Iacocca, you would have been accuse of dipping into one of their stashes.

- Many point to Rapper’s Delight as the start of rap, but The Message by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious 5 is where hip-hop started. I did find it odd that during there performance of the song the threw in a line from Matthew Wilder’s Break My Stride just like Diddy did back when he was Puff Daddy when he sampled The Message for Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down. What was stranger was Morbidly Obese Joe inclusion in the whole thing.

- Salt-N-Pepa are next with a hyped performance with En Vouge as the first time they performed together. Am I mistaken or didn’t they perform the Whatta Man during one of the Video Music Awards. Can someone give me confirmation for this? Then during the perfomce the for some reason threw up pictures of Barack Obama, Nelson Mandela, Ray Charles and I swear I saw Dave Chappelle too. Um, okay.

- I’ll go ahead and admit it, I’ve never seen Boyz 'N the Hood.

- Who invited the dude from Entourage? Was he there just to fill the token white person quota? Wasn’t Ice-T’s wife enough?

- Kanye West comes out and give the most entertaing performance of the night. I don’t say that because of anything he did but that there was some old fat white dude in the second row that had an Art Garfunkel receding afro that had me cracking up thought the whole thing.

- The midget Jermaine Dupree comes out with charms on his watch. No wonder why anyone with credibility makes fun of the dude.

- The induction of Big Daddy Kane is next and the dude can still move. He gets a tribute from Biz Markie on the turntable, T.I. (or Antoine Merriwether as I like to call him), Black Thought of The Roots, and Common sporting a “I Love Black People” t-shirt which seems to be in response to his boss’ “George Bus hates black people” remark.

- Diddy is up last to induct his friend/meal ticket and mentioned Biggie duets album. I have a feeling I’ll pass on that. The finale with Kanye, Ludacris, and Lil’Cease wasn’t as cool as the VMA tribute, but the choir was a nice touch.

If I were on the selection committee for Hip-Hop Honors, here is who I would nominate for the 2006 class (feel free to add anyone you would nominate in the comment section):

A Tribe Called Quest
Beastie Boys
Eric B. & Rakim
N.W.A.
Slick Rick

Second Impressions – Desperate Housewives

For a long time, I was a closet Desperate Housewives watcher when it first came out. The main reason I started watching was to see the token hot chick is as little amount of clothes that the censors would allow. The main plot was intriguing, trying to piece together why some suburban housewife would commit suicide. There were many twists and turns that kept me guessing right up to the final reveal, all along with the dead chick giving rather boring monologues throughout the shows. Overall, I wasn’t impressed with the show (check out my review of season one – Desperately Wanting) as many of the awards shows. Seriously, the Golden Globes declared it the funniest show on TV? But anyways.

I was really on the bubble of whether I’d watch it again this season but with Family Guy not being as good since it came back from cancellation and American Dad is nearly unwatchable, I decided to give Desperate Housewives a second look. Plus the apple infused commercials with Better Than Ezra’s Juicy as a soundtrack had be intrigued again.

The season started where last season began, with the plumber dude returning home while his creepy son held Lois Lane captive. Of course no one ended up dieing but at least there was a decent chuckle when the booze hound loses her bottle in the process. But nonetheless, very anti-climatic. Elsewhere, the token hot chick still doesn’t know the who the father of her child is, but at least she isn't showing yet, and the funniest actress on TV, at least according to the Emmy’s, somehow got a job by changing a diaper in her interview. Umm, okay.

What was really disappointing to me was Rex had an open casket funeral, which totally ruins my “Rex faked his death” theory. This then leads to a potential shark jumping scene where the psycho chick from Melrose Place stalks the church for a new tie when her mother-in-law had a tie psycho chick thought was tacky. Yet she then picks a tie that was equally tacky and proceeds to put the tie on Rex. All I have to say is, “Ewww.”

The big mystery of the season was also set up in the season premiere with the addition of the token black family that briefly featured last season. We finally learn the dark secret, that that they are hiding someone in there basement. Granted I guessed that secret the moment they let Edie inside. Now the easy money is on that its dad downstairs but I think dad hightailed it out of there tears ago and the “bad” son is downstairs ala Sloth. The son we did meet is very straight laced and a momma’s boy, I think because he’s seen momma wrath when the “bad” son did something wrong he doesn’t want to join him down there.

Verdict: Much like a car crash, I know I should turn away yet I keep on looking.