57 Channels and Only This Is On - 3/25/12

Once Upon a Time: When Rumplestilskin combined the hairs of Snow White and Prince Charming, I thought he was creating a child from the hair which made me wonder if that kid grew up and became the mysterious writer. That was until I remember that would make him Emma’s brother, who he asked out on a date (but then again Luke and Leia flirted in the first fourth Star Wars movie, so not out of the realm of possibilities). Since he showed up in Storybrooke, I theorized he was banished from the fairy tale world much like Emma, and this at least this new theory would explain his existence.

Elsewhere, it is a little creepy that it turned out to be Katherine’s heart in the box; I assumed it would turn out to be an animal’s heart. Of course it can still turn out that Regina (or even Gold) had someone tamper with the results and my theory that Katherine is hanging out with Belle in the dungeon could still be correct.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Shameless: The show likes to come up to the preverbal line and then jump across it, but Mandi’s baby daddy turning out to be her own father just went way too far even for this show. Naturally whenever Mandi shows up I get visions of Tessa Altman and I glad she is off in the suburbs so she was not around for this storyline.

House of Lies: Was Pop-Up Videos even around in 2002? I thought it was off the air by then.

The Voice: I have been down with Cee Lo Green from the Goodie Mob days through his Prefect Imperfection all the way up to Gnarls Barkley (okay, no one really loved his Perfect Imperfections). But I am now out on Cee-Lo after he picked the horrible Erin Martin over the awesomeness of Wayne’s World The Shields Brothers!. But at least Dia Frampton can now rest easier now that she no longer owns the title of worst Battle Round duet in the history of the show.

I understand Cee-Lo can enjoy weirdness, but there is good weird (i.e. Heart-Shaped Box last week) but Erin is just bad weird, and even if you do like her voice, she still hit some painfully bad notes during this performance. What was almost as disappointing as Cee-Lo pick in the winner was his choice of song. Yes Tina Turner was an inspiring, but if you are going to have one of her songs, how could it not be We Don't Need Another Hero (Thunderdome)? Can you image how awesome that performance could have been, Erin was already dressed for it. And by awesome, I mean awesomely bad. I feel cheated.

Yet Erin over the Shields Brothers was not even the biggest shocker of the night, I was shocked, shocked, SHOCKED when Ashley De La Rosa, who I assumed was just a tomato can considering her Blind Audition was relegated to a montage (please note that the three singers last year just happened to go up against three finalist during the Battle Round), beat Jonathas who got all the girls in a tizzy when he auditioned. Thankfully Christina Aguilera did give him the boot now so the teen girl faction cannot vote him further than he should go. I do blame his early exit on his bad tattoos. Whoever is pictured on his arm (his wife? Daughter? Jon Bon Jovi circa 1988?) should be offended at how bad the depiction of them is. But why not show Ashley’s Blind Auction, it was not a train wreck. Did she not have a sobby enough of a sob story? (her The Voice page boasts she is a, “trilingual straight-A student”.) Or is America not cool enough to get a V V Brown song, which she performed?

Actually much like last week, upsets were plentiful this week, aside from the Shields Brothers, I would have guessed that Angel Taylor Gwen Sebastian would have an easy time getting to the Live Shows. That is seven times this season I have been really shocked by the outcome of the battle based solely on the contestants Blind Audition and how they were portrayed on the show.

One final comment: how does Blake Shelton not know Heart Shaped Box but has Get Outta My Dreams (Get Into My Car) at the ready? I think much like presidential candidates have to release their financial records; Blake should have to release the songs he has on his iPod.



You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. Check the widget at left to download the songs from this episode.

Switched at Birth: Holy Rodger Dorn sighting! I guess that means Wilkie will not be going to boarding school next season because you do not bring in Roger Dorn for just one scene. Plus the deaf third wheel was a great addition to the Daphne / Wilkie relationship this week.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

The River: Of course the river will not let them leave. Not that we will get to see how it turns out.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The River on iTunes.

Justified: The problem with a great promo it can overshadow an episode and this is a prime example. With a couple more episodes left in the season, I kind of knew nothing much would come out of Raylan’s “Why wait” suggestion to Quarles and the barmaid did end squashing it. And that really made the rest of the episode feel like filler because of it. Though I came to the realization this week that even despite the plastic face, Win has some of the greatest reaction shots to Quarles’s craziness.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: One World: I am conflicted about this week, usually I do not wish pain on anyone, but if someone deserved it, it definitely is Colton who even manage to up his douchebagary before being hauled off on a stretcher when he suggested, twice, and even to her face that Christina should jump in the fire so she does not have to wait to be voted off. I would have live to see Christina manage coup and vote Colton off instead with an Idol in his pocket, but I am glad he is gone by any means.

But what know? It was an odd bit of editing that they gave so much screen time to someone who was gone before the merge to the point the only other people I know that are left are Kat and Tarzan and I only know them because they are complete morons (or is it Troyzan that is the idiot?). Should be interesting who emerges as the leader without Colton there. Hopefully it is not Alicia. And I was really disappointed that they did not vote right after the merge, I have longed for the time Survivor would have a surprise vote before anyone has time to strategize.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.



Bent: I am glad to have Landry Clarke back on television, but I am not entirely sure what the show is all about. It seems to me the show should have been a hour long drama that just happens to be funny because it is not funny enough to be a sitcom. And just how many failed sitcoms is NBC going to give the male lead whose name I have not bothered to learn because his shows never stick around? Plus naming him Riggins on a show with Landry Clarke is a bit distracting.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bent on iTunes.

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes: My favorite part of the episode was the running temperature gauge. My second favorite, how CT dove right in after the dude said not to.
You can stream recent episodes over at mtv.com. You can also download The Challenge: Battle of the Exes on iTunes.

Community: Of course Fresh Stewart was playing a French Stewart impersonator who was now too old for the role. Welcome back Community.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Awake: My favorite part of this episode was the name: Kate Is Enough. It nice to see a show that takes itself overly serious would name an episode so cheesily.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Awake on iTunes.

Best of the Week - 3/24/12

Quote of the Week: Why wait? (Raylan, Justified)

Song of the Week: Silver Springs – Fleetwood Mac (as sung by George Bluth Sr., Bent)

Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: Tim Tebow Heading to New York: As a Cleveland Browns, I was a bit worried with all the talking head claiming the Browns must upgrade at the quarterback position even though I was content with Colt McCoy and though the team should upgrade around him, making Colt better in the process. Serious, his number one receiver last year was a kick returner. I do not like mobile quarterbacks like Robert Griffin III because they have a short shelf life, and free agents like Kevin Kolb and Matt Flynn were not going to do much better than McCoy and I did not want to overpay for the same production we already had. A week after free agency started and all the high profile names were out of the pictures and I let out a sigh of relief. Then Peyton Manning landed in Denver.

Naturally all the talking head pointed to Cleveland as a potential landing spot for Tim Tebow which made more worried than the previous possible because Tim is the single worst starting quarterback ever in the history of the National Football League. Sure he made me believe me in God again because not only was he the worst, he also was the luckiest playing teams after major upheaval, the Bears a week after Jay Cutler got hurt, the first game back for Carson Palmer after sitting on the couch the last year and a half. They were even to win a playoff game because the Steelers best defensive players couldn’t even set foot in Denver because a medical issue could have killed him because of the thin air.

Thankfully the Jets quickly traded for Tebow, not just because he would not be playing for Cleveland, but Tebow’s presence in New York could possibly cause the city, or very least the team, to self combust. Seriously, is it too late to get a Tebow / Rex Ryan reality show on this fall? Sure I may have some karma coming back to be for badmouthing Tim Tebow (as Pat Robertson humorously suggest will happen to Peyton Manning for daring to step into Tebow’s shoes) but to see Tebow singlehandedly bring down NYC can only be summed up by the Jet’s own Bart Scott: “can’t wait!”

Preview Picture of the Week:

Make it or Break It returning Monday at 9:00 on ABC Family

Free Download of the Week: Blood for Poppies – Garbage (Garbage.com; e-mail required)

Deal of the Week: $3.99 Albums: Amazon has secretly released another batch of albums for only $3.99 including ones from The Throne, Florence + the Machine, Snoop Doggy Dogg, and Maroon 5. Grab them quick because the sale may npt last long.



New Album Release of the Week: Covered - Macy Gray

New DVD Release of the Week: South Park: The Complete Fifteenth Season

Video of the Week: All the pretentious Man Men fans like to whine how it’s been about five hundred days since the last new episode. Screw you hippies. It has been 1,677 days since R. Kelly released the last chapter of Trapped In the Closet. Well the wait is almost over because IFC recently announced that new episodes are “coming soon.” No word on when exactly or how many new chapters will be released this time, but Kels stated last year that he has already written thirty-two chapters. Can’t wait.



Next Week Pick of the Week: Mad Men, Sunday at 9:00 on AMC: After all the hype, I finally got around to watching Mad Men a couple years ago and was bored to tears. Unfortunately I already owned season three before I even started on the first season, so I went ahead and forced myself through the second which also did not do much for me aside from cure my insomnia (and make me want to drink and smoke and work; two things I rarely even do at home). The third season got better and had a season finale that I really enjoyed and for the first time I really wanted to see where the show would go with the new agency. And the fourth did not disappoint the promise mostly because of Don Draper’s secretaries, the first who hilariously had a mental breakdown that Don chose to ignore and then was replace by Mrs. Blankenship who was straight out of a sixties work sitcom. As I write this, I still have three episodes I need to get through to be caught up by the fifth season premiere, and even though I doubt I will ever enjoy it like all the annoying pretentious people who claim Mad Men is the best thing on television (seriously, do they just not watch Justified or refuse to think a show about rednecks could be any good?), but I am for the first time actually looking forward to the show.

Around the Tubes - 3/23/12

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Girls, Veep, Leave it to Niecy, Game of Thrones, Full Metal Jousting, Saturday Night Live, Mad Men, and more summer premiere dates.

- HBO has recently released new posters for two of their upcoming new shows, Veep starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Judd Apatow produced Girls. Take a gander of both below:



- For more on Veep, check out this week’s New Yorker for a piece on the show.

- Do not ask me what a docu-sitcom is, but Reno 911 star Niecy Nash will be starring in just that when her new show Leave it to Niecy premieres Sunday at 10:00 on TLC where she is on a mission to make her family eat healthier. Take a look below:

Just Robbed a Farmer


- Fans of Game of Thrones will want to head to its Facebook page where Fans can watch videos on each of the 5 Houses of Westeros, and then pledge their allegiance to one of them. Those who pledge to the House with the winning votes, will be eligible for a sweepstakes.

- While on the Full Metal Jousting Facebook page, you can enter a sweepstakes to win a suit of armor from the show.

- April Saturday Night Live hosts have been announced and Sofia Vergara will host April 7 with musical guest One Direction. Then on April 14 the combo of Josh Brolin and Gotye will hit the stage.

- Last week I listed a bunch of summer premiere dates, and here are a couple more for you to mark on your calendars accordingly:

Thursday, May 24 at 10:00 on TBS: New sitcom Men at Work starring Danny Masterson, Michael Cassidy, Adam Busch, and James Lesure
Tuesday, June 5 at 8:00: The third season premiere of Pretty Little Liars
Tuesday, June 5 at 9:00: The continuation of the freshman season of Jane by Design
Monday June 11 at 9:00 on ABC Family: New show Bunheads about a Vegas showgirl turned small town dance instructor
Wednesday, June 20 at 8:30 on ABC Family: New show Baby Daddy about a new single father
Wednesday, July 11 at 9:00 on ABC Family: New realty series Beverly Hills Nannies which should be self explanatory
Thursday, July 19 at 10:00 on TBS: New sitcom Sullivan and Son produced by Vince Vaughn and Peter Billingsley (you know, the kid from A Christmas Story)

- Mad Men returns this weekend and HellaWella examines how attitudes towards key issues have changed since the 50’s and 60’s.

I Want My Music Television - 3/22/12

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.

Good Girl - Carrie Underwood



Yeah, Carrie Underwood definitely needs to wear glasses more often.


Never Let Me Go - Florence + The Machine



Just when you think Florence + the Machine cannot get anymore epic, here comes their latest video. Though it is hard to see two people at an ice skating rink without thinking of Happy Gilmore, you know, if Claire Dunfey excreted some weird dirty water from her forehead.


Tonight (Best You Ever Had) - John Legend



I have not added a song to my Baby Making playlist in a while because of the sad state of RnB the past decade, but the new John Legend song may have to go into heavy rotation, if only if there is a non-Ludacris version of the song because he is a bit of a mood killer.


Blue Jeans - Lana Del Rey


After the universal hate, you would think Lana Del Rey would go into hiding with Salman Rushdie and Bartman, but Lana del Rey is back with a mini tour and a new video that looks like something Herb Ritts would have directed in the nineties but with a random alligator thrown in foe no reason at all.

I Know Things Can Really Get Rough When You Go it Alone

Nothing ever lives up to expectations after being overhyped. After a bunch of Emmy’s and every critic raving over it like it was written by Jesus itself, I decided to give Mad Men a chance and was bored to death. Nothing happened, Don Draper is a humongous douchebag, and the acting from Betty Draper and Pete Campbell are so horrible is surprising that they are not currently employed by The CW. Could I have liked Mad Men more if people had not over sold it before I watched it? Possibly, the further I got away from the hype, the more I have enjoyed the show.

Possibly the worst case of overhyping came courtesy of Natalie Portman eight years ago when she proclaimed to the world that The Shins would change your life. Naturally you just had to give Caring Is Creepy a listen and there was no way not to be let down no matter how much you liked it. It had a nice wall of sound and encapsulated the indie movement about to pop, but in no way life changing. It surprisingly took them three years after the release of Garden State to release their next album and essentially broke up after that when lead singer James Mercer replaced the entire band and started recording with Danger Mouse as Broken Bells.

Mercer is back with an entirely new backing band still on the name The Shins (five years since he last used the name) for his first post Danger Mouse work with new album Port of Morrow. Though he did not produced the album (that was done by Greg Kurstin of The Bird and the Bee) or play any instruments on it but Danger Mouse’s influence if felt on the album with a more consorted effort to use electronic instrumentation than in previous incarnations of The Shins. Even the title track could have fit easily on the Broken Bells album.

The added textures are felt all over the album like on the album’s lead single Simple Song which sonically anything but with a lot going on in the background. The simple motif continues during Bait and Swich whe Mercer tries to claim, “I’m just a simple man.” September almost goes the opposite route from Simple Song as an actual simple and sweet song. While Fall of '82 sounds like something out of the Steely Dan catalogue. The Shins may never change many lives, they are still putting out solid albums.

Song to Download - Fall of '82

Port of Morrow gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

You Can Join the A Team or You Can Disappear

Pacing is a major issue with serial television these days. I am always a fan of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer route where you set up a big bad at the beginning of the season and defeat them at the end. Without a distinct goal you wander aimlessly around an island for unknown periods of time like Lost. Then there are series like The Killing that has a goal it is reach for, but as we found out in the first season finale, we have no idea when we will actually learn the killer of Rosie Larson.

Pretty Little Liars. fell into the latter category; we knew the goal for the titular characters was to figure out who the omnipresent A was. For the first three blocks of episodes, the show set a good mystery with plenty of suspects who could have been the mad texter, but the show started to lose steam as the mystery stretched out too long. Sure there was no throw the remote at the television moments like when the mystery was left unsolved on The Killing, but it was starting to get frustrated.

Then as Pretty Little Liars returned for its fourth block and we were finally promised that by the end of the season, A would be revealed which jumped started the show again as you had to pay attention to every little detail because like I said earlier, anyone could have plausibly have been A. One moment that struck me in what could have easily have been a throw away special Halloween episode, separate from the other episodes was a look at the end that former Allison tormentees (yes, I just willed that word into existence) Mona, Jenna, and Hermie the Hermaphrodite gave each other.

So that triad went straight to the top of my list of possible A suspects (after a not so dead Allison, which was more based on my hope that is was her because it would have made for the most interesting storyline). It turned out I was thirty-three percent right on my prediction when Mona revealed herself to Spencer after a dramatic costume change. Or am I more correct than I currently know? Not only did Mona threaten Spencer that should could join the A “Team” suggesting that Mona had some help. And just in case anyone though that Mona was just referencing the awesome eighties television show (if there is The A-Team on Pretty Little Liars, is Mona the Face of the team or Hannibal?), she also hints at multiple people during her weird inner monologue in her padded room and the telling a mysterious figure she did everything she asked her to at the very end. Of course the mysterious figure just happened to be wearing a jacket similar to Vivian Darkbloom’s coat.

So now the question is who is in that red jacket and just who Mona was working with? There was the black swan that looked exactly like Melissa who was talking to my previous suspected Mona cohort Hermie the Hermaphrodite. And of course the person with the biggest vendetta against Allison, the newly sighted Jenna, who gave her own mysterious figure a package prior to the masquerade ball. Oh yeah, and we will also have a murder mystery next season when Mya showed up dead at the end of the episode. Was it the crazy lesbian swimmer? Melissa, who had a front row seat at the crime scene? Another member of the A Team? Hopefully the show learns that two season is too long before the reveal something and we get at least one answer by the end of season three which will be starting up in two short months on Tuesday, June 5 at 8:00.

Pretty Little Liars 2.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

My Hands Are Clean

It is never a good sign when the behind the scenes drama of a show is more entertaining than what happens on screen, but the feud between The Walking Dead. creator Frank Darabount and AMC got more heated than most of the zombie battles on screen when the network decided it would rather spend more money on Mad Men, a show that got three times less the viewers of The Walking Dead. But with all the turmoil, the second season of the show got off to a great start with the zombie parking lot, a better sequence than anything in the slow moving first season. And it was all downhill from there.

In the mist of the zombie parking lot, little Sophia just had to run off into the woods, not to be seen again for two month. If it were not bad enough that we had to sit and watch characters we do not care about spend all that time searching for a kid we did not care about, all the searching was for not because she was hanging out with the other zombies in the zombie barn that became the group’s camp. Of course none of the people that fed the zombies in the zombie barn bothered to think to themselves, “hey, they are looking for a little girl, maybe the little zombie girl in our zombie barn is her.” Nope, we had to wait until Shane went off his rocker, the second of four times this season, and opened the zombie barn to find her.

To think how much worse that could have been if I actually cared about Sophia, but like the rest of the cast, I just did not care. Anyone in the cast could have been eaten by a zombie and I would be fine with it. I would have been content had Hershel went on a murdering spree post-zombie barn incident or if the dude from Terriers had gotten the best of Rick in the bar. The writers even managed to ruin the two more entertain from the first season as both Daryl and Glen got too whiny as the season progressed.

The season finale started much like the season premiere, with a horde of zombies, presumable the same ones (who, they moved slower than the plots on the show if they are just now getting to the farm). And we finally got the massive zombie fight I have been waiting for since the start of the show and the show finally delivered on something and thinned the cast some more (goodbye Hershel’s family whose named I never bothered to learn, but to the son, why did you not drive off as soon as Rick and Carl were on the roof, and how about locking the door in a zombie apocalypse?), but unfortunately Lori was not one of them. And Andrea inexplicably was able to escape hundreds of zombies to be saved by some Assassin's Creed looking person with arms zombie minions. Wait, what?

But as soon as everyone was safe and sound at the Sophie camp, the show started slowing down with the characters back to being whiny except for Rick who looks to be morphing into Shane. Great. And much like the end of season, the characters are stuck in the middle of nowhere with no plans (aside from the giant prison a mile away, seriously, they could not end the season at its doorsteps?). Even with the awesome zombie battle, The Walking Dead remains the single worst television show I have watched this season (and I made it through every episode of Pan Am.). Or at least until The Killing returns in two week. AMC: telling the slowest stories on television.

The Waling Dead 2.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 3/18/12

Once Upon a Time: Did they really rip off that unwatchable Amanda Seyfried movie for Little Red Riding Hood’s back-story? That really isn’t rhetorical because I have pretty much blocked the entire movie out of my mind except the sight of Amanda in the Red costume. But I vaguely remembering that they wanted you to think that it was her boyfriend, but it turned out being her family that is cursed.

I was a bit surprised that the wolf did not turn out to be the Doctor. When he showed up early in the episode I figured it would turn out to be him. But I am really getting sick of this Katherine search plot. Just show us that the Evil Queen has her locked up in the dungeon with Belle soon and get it over with.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Shameless: It looks like Lip’s nursery is going to be bigger in a couple months. But I wonder if he will get Ian to pretend to be the father for him?

The Walking Dead: You know all those annoying videos that seem to pop up every month or so that shows every time in movies where things happen over again and again like how no one has cell service or characters that tell you what doesn’t kill you make you stronger? I wonder how long until the “Smashing Your Own Face to Set Someone Up” will get made. Just this season we have seen Shane do it and the Rent Boy on Revenge (and I just finished up the first season of Boardwalk Empire which also saw someone do it back in the prohibition days). I guess it is to show us that the character is unhinged; because they could Shane could have easily said he escaped and saved the broken nose. But I did like the zombie Woodstock shot that ended the episode.
You can stream recent episodes over at amc.com. You can also download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: I have had a long standing belief that A is Alison back from the dead, the problem is that there has not been a hint of the supernatural elsewhere on the show until the creepy doll kid. Except he turned out to be a plant by A. Oh well, one week and we will no for sure. And could we finally be done with the Aria / Ezra creepfest? The storyline has been so painfully to watch, it has felt like a lifetime sitting thought it. But I have a feeling this is a fake out because the writers have always treated them as some grand love story, and not the statutory rape that it is, so I would not be at all surprised if he gets a job in the town over. Over even worse Ella somehow gets Ezra his job back.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

The Voice: Did I really see Christina Aguilera and Lionel Richie give advice to some on how to sing a Nirvana song? But anyway, it was not a very good week for people high on my Post-Blind Audition Power Ranking. Gone are Jamie Lono (#4), Whitney Myers (#5), Lex Land (#8), and Geoff McBride (#10). Thankfully Lindsey Pavao (#3) staved off elimination but did so by bumping off Lee Koch (#20). After watching all my favorite gone down, it was when the four chair turning Whitney got shown the door I came up with an idea that going into the live show, each coach should be able to poach someone another coach sent home in the Battle Rounds. Or even better, have the viewing public vote on their six favorite eliminated contestants and introduce a fifth judge and see if they can defeat the original four.

It also became obvious that the coaches are giving songs that give one singer a clear advantage. Ever song selection this week clearly gave an advantage to the person who eventually won. Granted this may just be an anomaly because last week the pairings seemed more down the line with the exception of Ironic. Also my theory that your adviser can also give you an advantage went out the window when Geoff still lost despite getting to spend time with Lionel Richie (granted he should have won).
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.

The River: I am surprised the Spanish chick who knows everything did not take heed from the dog because certainly the dog knows something the humans do not. I do not know if it was the zombies on the ship or it is something else coming later, but I would have totally followed the dog.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The River on iTunes.

Justified: Limehouse said last episode he likes to back the winner so I wonder how long until he swings over Boyd because his candidate looked much better in the debate than the one with the planted moderator (if I were Quarles, I’d want my money back). The bomb scene was just another classic Justified moment in a long line of great Justified moments.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: One World: Wow, both tribes almost split right down the middle with alliances staying together on both tribes. And now Colton is stuck with all the misfits and unfortunately quickly voted out the only one that seems to have the mental capacity to vote him out so it looks like we are stuck with him until at least the merge. This then begs the question with the buff guys on the other tribe rejoining the boys at the merge or stick with the girls? All I know is Survivor really needs to recruit more players with Tarzan’s name recognize affection (something I also have but never knew there was a name for).
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.



Suburgatory: So Dallas went to an all back college with Robin Givins? Excuse me while I let that sink in for a while.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Suburgatory on iTunes.

Modern Family: Is it wrong that I laughed histarically at the clown funeral?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.



The Challenge: Battle of the Exes: I know there is not many brain cells among them already, but breathing in all that jet exhaust cannot be healthy. But it least it was entertaining especially when the picnics items flew high up in the air or Camilla falling down. And it is pretty amazing to learn this was the very first time Mark was in an elimination round.
You can stream recent episodes over at mtv.com. You can also download The Challenge: Battle of the Exes on iTunes.

Community: Oh, Annie’s Boobs, how have I missed you.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Awake: I know I do not watch many cop shows, but from the very few that I have seen in my lifetime, I have upon the realization that ever former partner is dirty.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Awake on iTunes.

Best of the Week - 3/17/12

Quote of the Week: Now I am off to lead a pack of tiny testosterone animals to victory. Got to warm them up and give them my best Friday Night Lights speech about hearts or eyes or some (expletive deleted). (Steve, Shameless)

Song of the Week: King of Rock – Run-DMC (Happy Endings)

Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: It’s March Madness Baby!: The first round is less about how many games you won but how many teams you have going deep in your bracket still around. And when one half of your Final Four is out on the first day really is not a good sign. Thanks Missouri and Duke. But like it is the last couple years, the big story is Barack Obama’s bracket which surprisingly is not completely chalk this year and even has an eleventh seed in the Sweet Sixteen. Sure his other three regions are pretty much chalk and has the overall top two teams in the finals.

Preview Picture of the Week:

Pretty Little Liars Season Finale

Most Worthless The Walking Dead Character of the Week: T-Dogg (so when they are rounding up a posse to hunt down an armed dude, they choose the ten pound Asian Glen who got trigger shy a couple episodes back over T-Dogg; which begs the question, who else is above T-Dogg in the hunting queue? Maggie? Hershel? Carl?)

Free Download of the Week: Beautiful Day - U2 (Google Play)

New Album Release of the Week: Tuskegee - Lionel Richie

New DVD Release of the Week: The Muppets

Video of the Week: I gave up on spoilers almost a decade ago after finally realizing they were ruining my television experience, but the one concession I make is that I still watch the promos that follow the shows which are like my nicotine patch that keeps me from spoiler site. Granted I should just turn off my television when the credits run because the promos routinely spoil the show anyway or are just misleading. With all the crap I do give to the promo monkeys, the promo for next week’s Justified is the single greatest promo ever in the history of television. “Why wait?” More like “Can’t wait!”



Next Week Pick of the Week: Pretty Little Liars, Monday at 8:00 on ABC Family: Monday is the big day when we will finally learn who A is on the season finale of Pretty Little Liars. Check out my odd of who is behind the texts here: Oddsmakers: Who Is A?

Around the Tubes - 3/16/12

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Make it or Break It, Game of Thrones, Finding the Lost da Vinci, Archer, My Strange Addiction, Peter O'Toole, Pretty Little Liars, Titanic’s Final Mystery, and 17 season premiere dates.

- The new season of Make it or Break It returns a week from Monday at 9:00 on ABC Family and for those that need a refresher, check out the video below:



- Game of Thrones released another fan poster (Spoiler Alert!) and you can gaze upon it below. Also the show will have a booth (#438) at the upcoming WonderCon in Anaheim this weekend (March 16-18) where you can get your head on a spike like below for free. Well, a FX artist will create a photo of it for those that do not want to be beheaded.



- The Battle of Anghiari vanished 500 years ago and not scientist and art enthusiast Maurizio Seracini has spent 36 years trying to track down the missing mural as documented in Finding the Lost da Vinci, premiering this Sunday on the National Geographic Channel at 9:00. Check out a preview below:

The Real Life Da Vinci Code


- Next Thursday, Byran Cranston will be lending his vocal talents to Archer as an astronaut with the International Space Agency. Take a look at his animated self below:



- Nothing like the subject “Addicted to Drinking Urine” to catch your attention. Yep, that is the affliction for the season finale of My Strange Addition airing Sunday at 10:00 on TLC.



- On Wednesday, April 11, TMC will premiere Peter O’Toole: Live from the TCM Classic Film Festival at 8:00 where TCM host Robert Osborne will interview the legendary actor in front of a live audience. The special will be followed by The Lion in Winter, Lawrence of Arabia, and The Day They Robbed the Bank of England.

- Pretty Little Liars in the New Jersey era, tonight at 7:00 Shay Mitchell will be signing copies of her Seventeen Prom issue at the Barnes and Noble at 765 Route 17 South in Paramus, NJ.

- The Smithsonian Channel will be celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Titanic disaster with the two hour special Titanic’s Final Mystery premiering Thursday, April 5 at 8:00.

- A couple different networks announced the premiere dates for their show recently and here they are in chronological order:

Sunday, April 1 at 10:00 on the National Geographic Channel: New series Wicked Tuna following fishermen trying to catch bluefin tuna

Friday, April 6 at 10:00 on Nat Geo Wild: Python Hunters season 3

Tuesday, April 17 at 10:00 on the National Geographic Channel: New series Amish: Out of Order that follows former Amish members in the “real world”

Wednesday, May 30 at 8:00 on ABC Family: Melissa and Joey second season with back to back episodes

Tuesday, June 5 at 9:00 on TNT: Rizzoli and Isles season 3

Tuesday, June 5 at 10:00 on TNT: Franklin and Bash season 2

Wednesday, June 13 at 9:00 on TNT: New show Dallas, a reboot of the 80’s classic with original cast members Larry Hagman, Patrick Duffy and Linda Grey

Sunday, June 17 at 9:00 on TNT: Falling Skies, two hour second season premiere

Sunday, June 24 at 10:00 on TNT: New reality show The Great Escape from Ron Howard, Brian Grazer and the creators of The Amazing Race

Sunday, July 1 at 10:00 on Showtime: Weeds season 8

Sunday July 1 at 10:00 on Showtime: Episodes season 2

Monday, July 9 at 9:00 on TNT: The final season of The Closer

Monday, July 9 at 10:00 on TNT: New series Perception starring Eric McCormack as an eccentric neuroscience professor who is recruited by the FBI

Sunday July 15 at 8:00 on TNT: Leverage season 5

Monday, August 13 at 10:00 on TNT: The Closer spin-off Major Crimes starring Mary McDonnell reprising her role as Police Captain Sharon Raydor with other The Closer vets G.W. Bailey, Tony Denison, Michael Paul Chan, Raymond Cruz and Phillip P. Keene also in the cast with guest appearances by Jon Tenney and Robert Gossett.

Sunday, September 30 at 9:00 on Showtime: Dexter season 7

Sunday, September 30 at 10:00: Homeland season 2

Lyrics Quiz: Shamrocks and Shenanigans

St. Patrick is in two days away, and what better way to celebrate that with a little House of Pain (maybe Dropkick Murphys). So I thought I would put their Shamrocks and Shenanigans (natch) through iTunes’ Genius function and here are the twenty-five songs it gave back. As always leave your guesses, both artist and song title, in the comment section or e-mail me. If you are correct I will un-bold the lyric and give you credit. Please keep in mind the lyrics quiz is for entertainment purposes only so please only use your own meandering mind to guess them.

1. Hey yo kids, remember when I used to be dope? I owned a pocket full of fame. But look at what you’re doing now. (Fallin' - De La Soul and Teenage Fanclub; guessed by Doug)
2. I can only guess what’s happening. Years ago he would have been the ship’s captain. Getting me bruised on a cruise, what else I gotta lose?
3. I got a squad with a list of complainers. I should’ve started R.A.P.E.: Rappers Against Phony Entertainers.
4. Sleep on silk like a politician, my Uzi is my best friend, cold asd a mortician. Lock me up, it’s genocidal catastrophe, there’ll be another on after me. (New Jack Hustler (Nino's Theme) - Ice-T; guessed by Doug)
5. You’re about to witness the strength of street knowledge. (Straight Outta Compton - N.W.A.; guessed by Doug)
6. I gotta get my props; cops come and try snatch my crops. These pigs trying to blow my house down. (Insane In the Brain - Cypress Hill; guessed by Doug)
7. Now I rock a house party at the drop of a hat, and I’ll beat a biter down with an aluminum bat.
8. Recruiting suckers, Mac and Mike, and making men of ‘em. Tears and Fears were my peers, they ripping. You think that it is, it is, if not it isn’t. (Down With the King - Run-DMC; guessed by Doug)
9. I was on 1-2-5 and St. Nick, waiting on a cab, standing in the rain. Under my heart: big clouds of pain. (Sometimes I Rhyme Slow - Nice and Smooth; guessed by Doug)
10. Don’t punch girls and we don’t punch a clock. Gotta go, gotta go, see you later by the cat and you can’t beat that with a bat. (The Choice Is Yours - Black Sheep; guessed by Doug)
11. You gotta gave heart, son, if you wanna go. Watch this sweet chariot swing low. Ain’t nobody crying, ain’t nobody dying, ain’t nobody worried, everybody’s trying.
12. Fools get foolish neither them or Parker Lewis knew us. You could have crews wit shoes and can’t step to us. (Hip Hop Hooray - Naughty by Nature; guessed by Doug)
13. They say you look like MC Hammer on crack. (The Humpty Dance - Digital Packets; guessed by Doug)
14. Calvin Klein’s no friend of mine so I don’t like Marky or the monarchy. (On Point - House of Pain; guessed by Doug)
15. Just then a figure had caught my eye, a man with a sombrero who was four feet high. I pulled over to ask where we was at. His index finger, he tipped up his hat…
16. No I’m not a sucka sitting in the house of pain. And no I’m not the butler, I’ll cut ya. You say you can’t touch this and I wouldn’t touch ya. (Check Yo Self - Ice Cube; guessed by Doug)
17. I’m causing more family feuds than Richard Dawson. And the survey said: you’re dead. (Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nuthing ta F' Wit - Wu-Tang Clan; guessed by Doug)
18. Gap teeth in your mouth so my (expletive deleted)’s gotta fit. (Dre Day - Dr. Dre; guessed by Doug)
19. Then she lost her mind and did the ultimate: I asked for Adidas and she bought me Zips! (Parents Just Don't Understand - DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince; guessed by Doug)
20. I’ll chill like Pacino, kill like DeNiro, Black Gambino, die like a hero, living on shaky ground too close to the edge. (Juice (Know the Ledge) - Eric B. and Rakim; guessed by Doug)
21. You start to shiver, then you scream, my friend. You wake up Muttley, because you’re dreaming again.
22. Slide ‘em across from New York down by your Virginia. Tickling you around Delaware before I enter. (Rump Shaker - Wreckx-n-Effect; guessed by Doug)
23. Stop, drop, shut ‘em down, open up shop. (Ruff Ryders Anthem - DMX; guessed by Doug)
24. Take it off the rack, if it’s wack put it back. I like the Whopper, (expletive deleted) the Big Mac.
25. I don’t have no trouble with you (expletive deleted) me but I have a little problem with you not (expletive deleted) me.

Oddsmakers: Who Is A

After two long, and at time excruciating, seasons, we will finally learn who A is on Pretty Little Liars (assuming the promo monkeys are not playing with us). Sure the show has some issues, but one thing the show has gotten right is setting up the mystery of who A is. (S)He could be anyone who has walked the streets of Rosewood and it would not shock me. Seriously, they can dig up a long dead character and I could totally buy it, nor be that surprised. The intelligently impaired Hanna can beat Emily over the head with a folding chair, rip open her shirt to reveal another that reads “I’m A Snitches” well yelling I am not as dumb as you all thought and I’d go, sure, why not. Since we are just five days away from learning who the infamous texter is I thought I would dust off the old Oddsmakers game so you can place your bets on who A is (or are if my one my main theories of multiple A’s is correct).

Aria (503:1) - Her first name starts with A, how has no one pointed this out yet? And why is she the one that does the shhh-ing sign in the title sequence?

The Liars’ Fathers (150:1) - One of the few people that would shock me if one of them turned out to be A would be the Liars’ mothers. They have even talked with each other about their children being bullied. The father’s on the other hand are highly suspicious and shady with the exception of Mr. Fields who has been off in the military for most of the show. Mr. Montgomery and Mr. Hastings on the other hand seem to like to manipulate their daughters. Of course some of A’s demands have hurt the fathers like ruining a wedding and blackmailing an adulterer.

The Liars’ Boyfriends and / or Mya (68:1) - With the exception of Toby, the other three, Ezra, Caleb and My just happened to show up in Rosewood right around the time the Liars started receiving texts from A. Coincidence? Plus Caleb has the technical knowhow to spy on the girls. And who better than Erza to pull off something so devious? The big question though is motive.

The Field (50:1): Everyone not mention elsewhere in this post. So lay your money here if you think A will be Detective Wilden, Hanna’s half sister, the English doctor, the crazy lesbian with bad hair, or even Dr. Sullivan who somehow kidnapped herself.

Melissa Hastings (25:1) - She looks so guilty even her father hired a private investigator to spy on her.

Jason DiLaurentis, Garrett Reynolds, and / or Ian Thomas (13:1) - A plausible group of A’s who even listed one of their high school activities as part of the “We See All” club. Sure, A (presumably) killing Ian may hurt my theory that the band got back together, but that is not to say that Jason and Garrett got back together to torment the Liars and killed Ian to keep their secret under wraps.

Jenna Marshall, Mona Vanderwaal, and/or Lucas Gottesman (5:1) - A seems to be everywhere which makes multiple people acting as A a very plausible possibility and all three could have started up an I Hate Alison fan club that went too far. Plus it has long been assumed that the final scene of every episode is A scheming and Lucas admitted to destroying Alison’s memorial, something we saw A do in a final scene episodes earlier. They all seemed to have a moment at the Halloween flashback special. I also find it suspicious that this season all three have been targeted by A, giving them all an alibi.

Alison DiLaurentis (3:1) - My very first suspect while watching the Pilot was Alison. Of course by the end of the episode, they found her body and laid her to rest putting a crimp into that theory unless the show went supernatural. But who else but Alison would know all of the Liars’ deep dark secrets? Then recently Alison was found to be using an alias. But what is Vivian Darkbloom was not just Alison in a wig but a totally different person or a long lost twin, the DiLaurentis family has been known to hide the true identity of a child, and the real Vivian is the one under Alison’s headstone?

I Want My Music Television - 3/13/12

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.

Everybody Talks - Neon Trees



A month ago Neon Trees released an animated version for this video, but I definitely the Zombie Bikers from Hell version much better. But this begs the question, why are there not any drive-in movie theaters with roller skating waitresses?


Is Anybody Out There? - K'naan



Another week, another new K'Naan music, this time with 100% more Nelly Furtado. And I am all for anti-bulling sentiment, but how about not defacing property with profanities?


Drive By - Train



As a dude, I have naturally never seen an episode of The Bachelor, but I guestimate that the latest Train video is basically every episode of the reality show but with twenty extra chicks hanging around.


Co-Sign - SWV



Who knew that Survivor: Tocantins could actually sing?

It's March Madness Baby! 2012 Edition

It is time of year again, that time where you suddenly get that mid-march flu that keeps you bed ridden for four days with nothing but a remote control and a six pack of Shamrock Shakes. Yep, it’s March Madness. Last year was the first time that every game aired on television, so it will still take some time to get used to navigating between games. Of course the best part of the week leading up to the actual games is filling out your bracket (or in many cases, brackets), and here is a guide to what mine looks like (or at least the first one I filled out):

South
Finals: Duke over Indiana
Upset Special: Xavier over Notre Dame

West
Finals: Missouri over Michigan St.
Upset Special: Long Beach State over New Mexico

East
Finals: Ohio State over Wisconsin
Upset Special(s): Harvard over Vanderbilt, Texas over Cincinnati, Kansas St. over Syracuse

Midwest
Finals: Georgetown over North Carolina
Upset Special: Ohio over Michigan

Final Four
Ohio State over Georgetown
Missouri over Duke

Finals
Missouri over Ohio State 69-60