It seems as the years go by the music on the radio gets worse and worse. Even though I severely limited my radio listening this year thanks to my iPod and my custom made radio station on yahoo (check out the side bar if you give it a listen), every once I’d tune in just to see if they started playing anything good, and the resounding answer was no. Before I list the overplayed crap, I would make special note of Kevin Federline who released a song to the internet that I heard pieces of because I’m sure had I heard it in it’s entirely it or new its name would have made this list. And to Kevin, I’m pretty sure everyone will hate a lot longer than 2008. Now here are the worst forty songs the corroded the air worse than any Hummer could and in honor of the top 40 radio stations that have ruined radio even though I bet playlists are down to 25-30 these day (Feel free to leave the songs that really irritated you this year in the comment section):
1. Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father) - Lindsay Lohan
2. Rich Girl - Gwen Stefani & Eve
3. L.O.V.E. - Ashlee Simpson
4. Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
5. Like You - Lil’ Bow Wow & Ciara
6. Get Right - Jennifer Lopez
7. Laffy Taffy - DL4
8. Twisted Transistor - Korn
9. Lose Control - Missy Elliot, Ciara, & Fat Man Scoop
10. Hung Up - Madonna
11. One, Two Step - Ciara & Missy Elliot
12. Mockingbird - Eminem
13. Oh - Ciara & Ludacris
14. When I’m Gone - Eminem
15. Over and Over - Nelly & Tim McGraw
16. Wordplay - Jason Mraz
17. It’s Like That - Mariah Carey
18. Caught Up - Usher
19. Goodies - Ciara & Petey Pablo
20. Do Somethin’ - Britney Spears
21. Cold - Crossfade
22. The Ghost of You - My Chemical Romance
23. Solider - Destiny’s Child, Lil' Wayne, & T.I.
24. Grillz - Nelly, Paul Wall, Ali, & Gipp
25. Shake it Off - Mariah Carey
26. The Great Divide - Scott Stapp
27. Get it Poppin’ - Fat Joe & Nelly
28. Bat Country - Avenged Sevenfold
29. Candy Shop - 50 Cent & Olivia
30. Photograph - Nickelback
31. Just Want You to Know - Backstreet Boys
32. I'm Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance
33. Untitled - Simple Plan
34. Blue Orchid - The White Stripes
35. Helena (So Long & Goodnight) - My Chemical Romance
36. Don’t Lie - Black Eyed Peas
37. Have a Nice Day - Bon Jovi
38. Don't Cha- Pussycat Dolls & Busta Rhymes
39. How We Do - The Game & 50 Cent
40. Don’t Phunk with My Heart - Black Eyed Peas
Before I get into the list, anyone who is smart probably has stopped watching Saturday Night Live after the Sandler, Myers, Rock era ended, yet for some reason I still turned but last week I was treated to the funniest sketch since the S/M/R era featuring Chris Parnell and newbie Andy Samburg. If you know what I’m talking about iTunes and NBC have given us a Christmas present in the form of the sketch for free download. If you haven’t seen it, I won’t go into it that much it as it will slightly ruin the hilarity, but watch out for the line "You can call us Aaron Burr by the way we're dropping Hamiltions." You definitely want to download it. Unfortunately iTunes doesn’t have a feature where you can link to videos but if you click on any of my iTunes links and go to the store’s main page, it’s will rotate on one of the top ads. So go ahead and download it, it’s free and I promise you won’t be disappointed.
And before I get into the best of coming after Christmas, I first want to start with those albums that you should all avoid. I would like to note that this list was compiled from albums that I reviewed this year and may not truly represent the worst of the worst, just those that I was willing to listen to. I’m sure albums released this year by Madonna, Korn, or the dude from Creed were even worst than most of the albums on the list, but I couldn’t bring myself to give them a listen. If there were any albums you absolutely hated in the past year feel free to leave them in the comment section. For those that are interested to check these albums on the list out, the link on the album goes directly to iTunes (and you can use it to get to the SNL skit too) while the links in the parentheses go to my original reviews.
1. A Little More Personal (Raw) – Lindsay Lohan (You Turned Something So Good So Bad)
2. The Real Thing – Bo Bice (Is He All the Things You Tried to Change Me Into)
3. I Am Me – Ashlee Simpson (Hey How Long Till You Face What’s Going On)
4. Switch – INXS (It Ain’t Pretty After the Show)
5. A Bigger Bang – The Rolling Stones (I Think I Made the Biggest Mistake of My Life)
6. Get Rich or Die Trying Soundtrack (The Top Is So Much Better Than the Bottom, Yet More Boring)
7. All the Right Reasons – Nickelback (I Guess it Wasn’t Really Right)
8. Almost Honest – Josh Kelley (Hard Times Happen)
9. Mr. A-Z – Jason Mraz (It Takes a Thought to Make a Sound)
10. Tommyland: The Ride – Tommy Lee (I’d Rather Play You on My TV)
11. Somebody’s Miracle – Liz Phair (Do You Really Know Me at All)
12. TP.3 Reloaded – R. Kelly (I Hope Y’all Got Yo Playa Cards)
13. Unpredictable – Jamie Foxx (Things Have Come So Mundane)
14. Oh No – OK Go (Who’s House Are You Haunting Tonight)
15. Seventeen Days – 3 Doors Down (If I Get Boring Would You Still Call Me Superman)
Musical history is littered with no hit wonders of actors who tried to sing like Bruce Willis and Jennifer Love Hewitt. Even those who manage to score a hit or two like Jennifer Lopez still lack any credibility from critics or true music fans. But the preconceived notions of actor turned musician shouldn’t be hung upon Jamie Foxx because unlike the dude from 30 Seconds to Mars and the like, Foxx is a classically trained pianist who even landed a scholarship because of it. Also his appearances on the two Kanye West albums were surprisingly good. So with that said, Foxx’s new release, Unpredictable, could possibly not be just another vanity record like any Dogstar record.
Unpredictable if fact isn’t even Foxx’s first music album as he put out a little heard album in the early 90’s. Unfortunately the new album would fit in the time period because many of the songs on this album would fit well in the era when R&B songs like Do Me, Freak Me, and Knockin da Boots ruled the charts. Many songs on the album are littered with sophomoric lyrics like, “Do you want to get high, you want to get fired up, you want to get sexed, you want to get tied up?” (Do What It Do). Personally I’ll pass. Then there’s “I know you’re used to dinner and a movie, why not be my dinner while making a movie” (Unpredictable). I guess they can name that movie Booty Call II. Then there is Three Little Words where Foxx ends every line in the song by singing “sex.” I have a feeling those three little words really don’t have anything to do with love.
What is most disappointing is that even though he’s a skilled pianist who easily learned all the parts for his role as Ray Charles, there is very little piano on the album and Foxx instead primary sings over aggravated hip hop beats. And even the litany of credible artist can’t save these songs. Mary J. Blige shows up on the trite duet Love Changes that Mary wisely didn’t include on her album that was also released this week (see my review - Anybody Who's Ever Loved You Know Just What I Feel). Then Kanye gives an uninspired verse on Extravaganza while Ludacris, Twista, The Game, Snoop Dogg also lend sophomoric raps to go along with the songs they are on.
The album starts to get better near the end with the appearance of Common on U Still Got It (Interlude). That is followed by a glimpse of what the album should have been with Heaven where Foxx is on the piano with little accompaniment singing a love song in vein of Luther Vandross. The album is capped off with the emotional Wish U Were Here, a touching song about the Grandmother who raised him. Sadly these songs were too little too late to save the album.
Song to Download – Heaven
Unpredictable gets a ![Terror Alert Level: Guarded [BLUE]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzCbHfExiuXqojow1zxkBUX6j-9BHg9IyrfzqR77jnja2Xq6dbv-7iiqMFzp_UKXGcUF9FyAHqCkNxa5uitXa5Xu2Q1OboN9-TLjsaeI1a2eoGLORU4vkTQ54l1C-_cZyn81QHyQ/s400/small_guarded.png)
on my Terror Alert Scale.
Ryan Adams is the most prolific artist of the decade releasing nine albums so far including two earlier this year. Now he’s back with his third and presumable last of 2005 and the first this year without his backing band The Cardinals, 29. With the band taking this album off, 29 is more sparse and reminiscing of old time country albums that evoke cowboys sitting around a campfire with an acoustic guitar telling tales.
Even though most of the album has that campfire feel to it, 29 starts off with its most rugged track that shares the name of the album which sounds like it would best be performed behind a chain link fence in a southern bar. The later on the album there is The Sadness that sounds influenced by old time mariachi band but without the horn section.
What have always drawn me to Ryan Adams though are his sad songs and there is no shortage here. For those who enjoy their sadness accompanied with an acoustic guitar instead check out Strawberry Wine and Night Birds. While those who prefer a piano there is Blue Skies Blue and Elizabeth, You Were Made to Play the Part where your heart will break when he sings the line, “I'm not strong enough to let you go.” And his storytelling as a whole has improved most notably on Carolina Rain a song about the hardships some people have faced throughout their lives.
Song to Download - Elizabeth, You Were Made to Play the Part
29 gets a ![Terror Alert Level: High [ORANGE]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhebDZ0qqwOVKMZj7oFSUe8Hm3ax54U9Hp1fThJPgiddTyzcdwx_5SV6E3b7hkKyxbaDiym4COmUXT2YJnsKCUjBHI_a2xZtNoY7qFQRslP5AGO5gLkJwn2ZbO0wIF80ycbKrgPPA/s400/small_high.png)
on my Terror Alert Scale.
Long before every R&B artist was infusing hip-hop elements into their songs, there was Mary J. Blige who created a new genre onto itself. But unlike her imitators, Blige has something they don’t, soul. While they relay too heavily on the hip-hop the reason Blige has stayed on top is that she finds the right balance between that and soul. Mix that all together with the heartbreak that seem to seep into most of her songs and you have a recipe that’s worthy of a first ballot into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Even though Blige declared No More Drama on her last album, luckily for us the listener, there is still enough to fill her latest album, The Breakthrough. The drama of finding, and keeping, a good man are at the center of Enough Cryin’, Baggage and Father in You. And the music doesn’t falter when she migrates into more traditional love songs such as No One Will Do, About You, and Can’t Get Enough.
Very rarely does the hip-hop beats drag down the album except on the bongos on Ain’t Really Love overpower the song. But Mary does sample both old school and new school tracks. As for new school, Mary builds MJB da MVP around 50 Cent’s chorus from Hate it or Love It. Then on Gonna Breakthrough Blige sings overtop KRS-One’s Step Into a World (Rapture’s Delight).
Then instead of settling for sampling, or even bringing in studio musicians, she gets U2 to make an appearance on the cover of their classic One from Achtung Baby. They even brought along a choir which helps convert the song into a gospel song much like they did on I Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For on Rattle and Hum. Mary even outshines Bono, who trade verses, and hits the line “Love is a temple, love is a higher law” like she finally found what she’s looking for. That passion carries over to her new song like Be Without You and I Found My Everything, a duet with Raphael Saadiq of Tony! Toni! Toné! fame.
Song to Download – One
The Breakthrough gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.
You would think with a week until Christmas, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
would be the perfect movie last night, or even Scrooged another holiday favorite of mine. Yet somehow I got conned into watching Hitch instead. How festive, but anyways. The film follows the artist formally known as the Fresh Prince (sadly D.J. Jazzy Jeff is nowhere to be found) around as the mystical Date Doctor as he helps the hapless men of New York land the girl of their dreams because as Hitch says, “Any guy can sweep any girl off her feet, he just needs the right broom.”
His latest client also stands to be his biggest triumph as a goofy account Albert, played by Kevin James hires Hitch to help catch the eye of the socialite, Allegra Cole, who is a client at his firm. But with about ten other accountants on her case, it’s hard for Albert to stick out. Granted whenever Allegra’s name was brought up I couldn’t help wondering how much the filmmakers were getting paid from pharmaceutical industry.
But Hitch’s greatest success could be in trouble when he meets a jaded woman that he tries to woo who just so happens to have a gossip column that regularly focuses on Allegra’s dating life. But since this is a romantic comedy, hilarity ensues instead, or at least tries too. The movie tries a little too hard at the physical which is fine when James is on screen, but when it’s left up to the Fresh Prince and Eva Mendez as the gossip maven, it sometimes fall flat.
Overall it was a decent movie with a couple good laughs even though most of the movie, much like every romantic comedy, was extremely predictable. There were also a few scenes that didn’t really need to be in the movie like Hitch’s flashback to his dorkier college days or the scene with movie killer Michael Rapaport. As for the extras on the DVD, there were a couple of run of the mil featurettes and boring deleted scenes that were rightfully left on the cutting room floor along with your typical gag reel. Also there was a video for 2005’s summer anthem, Amerie’s 1 Thing which will undoubtably show up on my Best Songs of 2005 that will be showing up next week.
Hitch gets a ![Terror Alert Level: Elevated [YELLOW]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6-iVFV0hXCTSYP16K_V0Rrxp3GqFrtBIJKeTUyQ2LpxZQ9XKHFj6QGtqqa7oxhLadLV8vUj8R84AftD8IKUSfN0u_u0CYDtJwhrpCPN2DBWquAIDv0jbVlhZL0mDFKlPKluGyxw/s400/small_elevated.png)
on my Terror Alert Scale.
After Kelly Clarkson won my unofficial guilty pleasure of the year award and I enjoyed Carrie Underwood’s debut album guilt free (see my review – Oh There’s Nothing Like Oklahoma) I could be warming up to the whole American Karaoke thing. So I decided to check the dude Carrie beat in the latest installment, Bo Bice.
After my first listen through his debut, The Real Thing, I thought, “How horribly bland.” It is really hard to write a review of an album that constantly puts you to sleep out of boredom. The songs are very familiar to his sup-par outing on Santana’s album (see my review – Your Fire Fills My Soul) except Bice Bice Baby doesn’t have Carlos’ guitar to bail him out here. Instead Bice brought in members of Bon Jovi, Chad Kroeger of Nickelback, Ben Moody fresh of his work with Lindsey Lohan and Ashlee Simpson, and John Shanks who is also best know for working with females who try to rock. That’s not necessarily a Murderer’s Row of rock music. At least with pre-for mentioned Lohan and Simpson, their music strikes an emotion, even if that emotion is hatred, which is still better than the uninspiring music that Bice has made here. I would much rather have people hate me than to have no opinion at all.
But the music isn’t even the worst part of the album, the writing here makes Lohan’s confessionals on her latest album (see my review – You Turned Something So Good So Bad) look like Keats compared to the lyrics on The Real Thing. You’d think someone who doesn’t write their own lyrics (Bice only have co-writing credits on two tracks) would at least pick out songs that didn’t sound like a middle schooler who relies way too much on trying to rhyme like, “I’ll open every car door, I won’t go out anymore, I’ll even eat off the floor” (You’re Everything). It’s not too surprising that Kroeger didn’t save that gem for his band.
So with The Real Thing, American Karaoke’s miraculous streak of good music has ended and hopefully Bice Bice Baby will say hello to Justin (whatever his name is) on his inevitable trip to obscurity, or even worse, The Surreal Life house.
Song to Download – For the first time ever, I have absolutely nothing to recommend, although if there is someone you really hate on your Christmas list, this is the perfect gift. Although if I must make a suggestion, check out Bono and Alicia Keys team up on the charity single Don't Give Up (Africa)
The Real Thing gets a ![Terror Alert Level: Low [GREEN]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV5jUNMqnrEt-A-laO7HQcvH_2mssvEmU-3Ljc21QB95bE8gBS-ozxxmgUMEDQnUAPq4VYFmBlF5RIkGoiRjdCR8euNAtMTAaPmay8ZF4Lg3LY4TNqjAOq_3qDmalmC9AxLMIoVw/s400/small_low.png)
on my Terror Alert Scale.
Today officially starts my year end spectacular with this month’s lyrics quiz culled from some of my favorite lines uttered this year and even expanded to thirty songs this month so I didn’t have to scale it down any. This doesn’t though reflect my upcoming Best Songs of 2005 that will arrive just after Christmas because I really hate publications that do their year in review in late November or early December thus missing an entire month of the year. For my full list of upcoming festivities, click on the Holiday Schedule on my sidebar. As for the lyrics quiz, leave your guesses in the comment section, both song title and artist. If you are correct, I will un-bold the lyric and give you credit. Just a little hint, the lyrics are in chronological order from when they were released so for the first couple think January while the last couple will be more recent songs. And though I disapprove of using search engines to find the answers, I don’t mind if you look threw my archives as most of the lyrics have been mentioned on the 9th Green before typically in album review (click on the Terror Alert Scale link in my sidebar for those). Now on to the lyrics:
1. I’m so moving on. (Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson; guessed by Julie)
2. Hypocrites, you’re all here for the very same reason. (Breathe (2 A.M.) - Anna Nalick; guessed by Julie)
3. I can’t take my mind off of you. (The Blower's Daughter - Damian Rice; guessed by Russ)
4. With a name I’ve never chosen, I can make my first steps. (Chocolate - Snow Patrol; guessed by Dane Bramage)
5. I’ve found I’m scared to know I’m always on your mind. (Collide - Howie Day ; guessed by Ang)
6. And that REM song was playing in my mind. (A Lifetime - Better Than Ezra; guessed by Dane Bramage)
7. Sing like you think no one’s listening. (Existentialism on Prom Night – Straylight Run; guessed by Dane Bramage)
8. Still gotta let you know, a house doesn’t make a home. Don’t leave me here alone. (Sometimes You Can't Make it on Your Own - U2; guessed by Dane Bramage)
9. Please don’t make me cry. (Telescope Eyes - Eisley; guessed by Dane Bramage)
10. If you wrote me off, I’d understand it. (Landed - Ben Folds; guessed by Dane Bramage)
11. If a stripper named Porscha and you get tips from many men, then your fat friend her nickname is Minivan. (Diamonds from Sierra Leone - Kanye West; guessed by Dane Bramage)
12. Your favorite fruit is chocolate cover cherries, seedless watermelon; nothing from the ground is good enough. (Chariot - Gavin DeGraw; guessed by Russ)
13. Girl I’m in love with you, this ain't the honeymoon, past the infatuation phase. (Ordinary People - John Legend; guessed by Dane Bramage)
14. I don’t know why I can’t keep my eyes off of you. (You and Me - Lifehouse; guessed by Jetting Through Life)
15. While others are puzzles, puzzling me. (Speed of Sound - Coldplay; guessed by Russ)
16. Little Red Corvette, no, she was faster. (Go - Common; guessed by Dane Bramage)
17. Now watch me rise up and leave. (Ashes - Embrace; guessed by Dane Bramage)
18. The talking leads to touching and the touching leads to sex and then there’s no mystery left. (Portions for Foxes - Rilo Kiley; guessed by Dane Bramage)
19. Where can a teacher go, wherever she thinks the people needs the things she knows? (When in Rome - Nickel Creek; guessed by Dane Bramage)
20. And when he get on, he’ll leave your (expletive deleted) for a white girl. (Gold Digger - Kanye West; guessed by Prozac Chic)
21. Your top was untied and I thought how nice it would be to watch the sweat down your spine. (Dreamgirl - Dave Matthews Band; guessed by Angie)
22. I got soul but I’m not a soldier. (All These Things I've Done - The Killers; guessed by Luka)
23. A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere. (Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie; guessed by Dane Bramage)
24. I’m dieing to tell you anything you’d want to hear cause that’s just who I am this week. (Sugar We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy; guessed by Julie)
25. It’s like I wrote every note with my own hands. (The Mixed Tape - Jack's Mannequin; guessed by Julie)
26. I like studying faces in the parking lot. (Doesn't Remind Me - Audioslave; guessed by guessed by Dane Bramage)
27. The Bush twins want you back. (Ohio (Come Back to Texas) - Bowling for Soup; guessed by guessed by Dane Bramage)
28. When I go home, I’m going home alone. (Boyfriend - Ashlee Simpson; guessed by Dane Bramage)
29. I have too been playing with 52 cards. Just cause I play so far from my vest. (O' Sailor - Fiona Apple; guessed by Dane Bramage)
30. Cause tonight’s the night the world begins again. (Better Days - Goo Goo Dolls; guessed by Dane Bramage)
Congratulations to Dane Bramage for becoming the first two time winner of the lyrics quiz.
R&B has really fallen as a genre in recent years with most artists trying to hard to reach the hip-hop audience by singing over beats that should be reserved for rap songs. This had led to a shrinking amount of artist who sings over smooth soul grooves like Al Green and Donnie Hathaway (no relations to Anne) did in the heyday of the genre. Yeah today we have Alicia Keys and John Legend, but that’s about it. Another guy that can be added to that list is Anthony Hamilton who, even though he may be best known for singing hooks for rappers like Nappy Roots and Jadakiss, has recently arrived to help keep soul music alive.
Hamilton’s latest album, Ain't Nobody Worryin' focuses on all the tried and true soul theme of love whether it lost love (Where Did It Go Wrong?), trying to hold on love (Can’t Let Go), and right in the middle of love (Truth) as well as the general I Know What Love’s All About. And singing the hook on Jadakiss’ Why stirred some political awareness too in the vein of Marvin Gaye with songs like the title track (How the children gonna learn when they gotta take turns cause they ain’t got books to read) and Preacher’s Daughter (She had a habit that she couldn’t really stop, needed money so she had to hit the block) which also features Tarsha McMillian, who added some gravity to the already deep song, and just happens to be Hamilton's wife
Pass Me Over is the best song here as it’s the total package. The song is a gospel like ode about waiting for your Savior and is highlighted by a space piano and crescendos at the end with a choir backing Hamilton up, in his best vocal performance on the album, then comes down and concludes in a beautiful instrumental as Hamilton tells us he will “meet you on the other side.” There are a few speed bumps on the way through the album including Southern Stuff that has too much of a heavy hip-hop beat and the almost reggae Everybody. But Hamilton’s voice does a good job at trying to save those songs.
Be warned, this CD is copy protected, so buy it at your own risk.
Song to Download – Pass Me Over
Ain’t Nobody Worryin’ gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.
