The Best of INXS

One show you will not catch me watching this year is Karaoke Star: INXS for the same reason I don’t watch American Karaoke: if these singers had any real talent at all, they would have a record contract already. And here are 20 other reasons why that chronicle the best INXS, with the irreplaceable Michael Hutchence, had to offer. This album clocks in at 75:46.

1. The One Thing - Shabooh Shoobah
2. What You Need – Listen Like Thieves
3. Need You Tonight – Kick
4. Mediate – Kick
5. New Sensation – Kick
6. Devil Inside – Kick
7. Never Tear Us Apart – Kick
8. The Stairs – X
9. Disappear – X
10. Bitter Tears – X
11. Suicide Blonde – X
12. Heaven Sent - Welcome to Wherever You Are
13. Baby Don’t Cry – Welcome to Wherever You Are
14. Beautiful Girl - Welcome to Wherever You Are
15. Not Enough Time - Welcome to Wherever You Are
16. Never Tear Us Apart – Live Baby Live
17. This Time – Live Baby Live
18. The Stairs – Live Baby Live
19. It Takes a New Sensation – INXS vs. Rob Base
20. Intergalactic (Soulwax Remix) – Beastie Boys vs. Herbie Hancock vs. INXS vs. AC/DC

Record People Are Shady IV

The record companies are at it again. The executives at Sony BMG Music Entertainment have settled out of court to cease its pay for play practices, otherwise known as payola. Even more proof as to why radio sucks massively. So not only has play lists shrank in recent years, some of the few songs being played on the radio were so lame, the only way the radio program mangers is if they were given lavish gifts in returned. Oddly enough these program managers were not punished for accepting what amounts to a bribe (yet). Some horrible music that the radio listening public were forced to sit through include Jennifer Lopez’s I’m Real, Get Right, and I’m Glad, Good Charlotte’s Hold On and I Just Wanna Live, Jessica Simpson’s Take My Breathe Away. It was also found that the Sony hired people to request these songs and instructed the girls to sound drunk because if they were more excited the more likely their request would make it on air. And Sony’s response:

"Despite federal and state laws prohibiting unacknowledged payment by record labels to radio stations for airing of music, such direct and indirect forms of what has been described generically as 'payola' for spins has continued to be an unfortunately prevalent aspect of radio promotion. Sony BMG acknowledges that various employees pursed some radio promotion practices on behalf of the company that were wrong and improper and apologizes for such conduct. Sony BMG looks forward to defining a new, higher standard in radio promotion."

How nice of Sony to throw their employee under the bus because we all know that the higher up’s encouraged this. For their efforts, Sony has to donate $10 million to local charities fund programs aimed at music education and appreciation. We can look forward for other record companies to be caught doing the same thing as they are currently under investigation. And hopefully we can look forward to no more J-Lo or Good Charlotte on the radio because neither makes music that anyone would listen to without getting paid for it.

Hopefully Grandma Will Get Run Over By a Reindeer

A couple days ago, I posted a tidbit on Hilary Clinton fight against Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (check out my review – Welcome to the Jungle). Well it seem that another old, dumb, woman is joining the fight. A grandmother from the Bronx has filed a civil suit Wednesday for engaged in false, misleading and deceptive practices. A quick recap of the hoopla – you can find a key on the internet that can unlock a scene involving two digital characters having sex. The grandmother bought the game for her 14 year old grandson and is now distraught that her grandson would be witness to such an act. Keep in mind, on the cover (see right) there are pictures depicting multiple guns, gambling, gang colors, and a woman in a bikini licking her lips while on the back there are more guns and text talking about “dealers and gangbangers.” It is also clearly stated that the game is rated M for Mature (17+) and contains Blood and Gore, Intense Violence, Strong Language, Strong Sexual Content, and Use of Drugs. Keep in mind she bought this for a 14 year old. Even without a sex scene, a 14 year old shouldn’t be playing this. I haven’t found out if this grandmother is the legal guardian for the kid, but if she is, and I was social services, I would take that kid away from her.

One of the few things I agree with George Bush on is the need to get rid of frivolous lawsuits and this case is warranted. The only problem is, like many of his campaign promises, he has yet to do anything about this. It time to stand up and get rid of this frivolous lawsuit, and ones like it and then go after the real culprit, the grandmother for buying the kid the game in the first place even with the 17+ warning on it. Of course if she wins, I’ll have no problem collecting my portion of the payout. And it will set a presentiment that will let me sue the makers of Who Framed Rodger Rabbit for adding a from of a naked Jessica Rabbit in their movie, the makers of The Little Mermaid for inserting multiple phallic symbols in their movie, and the makers of White Chicks for stealing 90 minutes of my life that I can never get back.

Back to the Ice

Ladies and gentlemen, the first shoe has dropped; Bob Goodenow has stepped down as the head of NHL Player’s Association. Now all we need is Gary Betman to follow him into early retirement, then maybe we can actually enjoy hockey this season. It was pretty obvious that Goodenow would jump ship after being beaten down like a red-headed step child in the labor negotiations. Had he just given in to a salary cap last year at this time instead of just a couple weeks ago, we would have had hockey last season.

So we will have the NHL draft this weekend and the Pittsburg Penguins won the Sidney Crosby sweepstake. Didn’t they just have the last savior of the NHL? It is interesting that will be conducting the draft like your normal fantasy draft, so Tampa Bay will have the 30th and 31st pick even thought Pittsburg get the number 1 pick, their next pick will be the 60th overall. And the draft will be really important for some teams as many have as few as seven players currently signed to their rosters.

And it didn’t take long for Congress to get on the NHL about their drub policies stating it has too many loopholes. The Congress need to understand that, much like basketball, hockey is a sport of agility, something that steroids would actually hurt you instead of helping. Just stick to football and baseball guys (and dolls).

And speaking of baseball, apparently the trade deadline is also this weekend. This has to be the weakest rumor mill since the inception of free agency. The biggest names on the block this year are Danny Baez and some dude from the Pirates. Seriously, this is really sad.

Staying with baseball, Kenny Rodgers finally folded ‘em last night and served the first game of his suspension this almost a month to the day of the altercation. And people wonder way it took so long to get a steroids policy into place. Bud really needs to take a page out David Stern’ playbook and hear the appeal the next day and go, “thanks for the talk, but the ruling stands.” Then he could revoke the all-star appearance to boot, but Bud shows why he’s the biggest push-over in sports.

Lastly, with a win tonight, my Astros can pull into a tie for the wild card. Hopefully they don’t waste some good prospects just to pick up Baez or that dude from the Pirates, as long as the Clemens back is good, the Astros are almost a lock for the playoffs.

What We Have Been Waiting For

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to welcome the return of rock. And by rock, I don’t mean the pseudo-punk bands that sound more like the Backstreet Boys than The Clash (think Good Charlotte) or the pretentious rock coming out of New York (think The Strokes). I’m talking about the old time rock and roll Bob Seger talked about. This rock can be found in the form of Daphne Loves Derby. O.K., the name is cheesy in a Jonnie Loves Chachi kind of way, but it’s not anywise than Hoobastank or Limp Bizquit, and the music is definably better than those bands. On the rock spectrum, Daphne Loves Derby falls somewhere between Better Than Ezra and Jimmy Eat World.

The music stays upbeat throughout On the Strength of All Convinced, slowing down for Birthday Gallery, a song about a guy trying to accept everything a girl tells him, “Believe me, I believe everything you say. Even if you claimed you heard a ghost sing songs.” They also slow it down for the acoustic Pollen and Salt and the mellow Debussie. With the song Kirby, Daphne Loves Derby channels their northwest roots with a grunge influenced vibe (they grew up not far from Seattle). On the downside, it’s hard to distinguish some song from other and with only ten songs; the album can get repetitive real quickly.

Lyrically is where the band shines, topics range admiration of a girl (You, Are the strength inside my veins. Oh, I want to feel the strength you know. – Sundays), pondering the end of a relationship (Don't ask me to think good intentions will change everything. This could be the last day that I hold my breath and wait for you. – Hammers and Hearts), and regret (Please let me take your pain away for one day – Middle Middle). Hopefully this album is only a sign of what’s to come. If they can branch out musically in the future, they will be around fort a long time.

Song to Download – Sundays

On the Strength of All Convinced gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

It Take a Thought to Make a Sound

Jason Mraz burst onto the scene a couple years back with the hit, The Remedy (I Won’t Worry). The song combined rapping and singing that hadn’t been heard since Snow was licking boom booms down. And much like Snow, Mraz slipped into one-hit wonder territory even though the uber-catchy You and I Both was wrongly overlooked by the mass public. Mraz is back with the follow up to his debut album and hopes that he breaks the one hit wonder curse with Mr. A-Z. Mraz is very aware of this as he sings, “For people who write me off like a one hit wonder, gotta find a way from going under.”

The album starts off with the slow, Life Is Wonderful. The song builds up just like the lyrics spell out, “It takes two floors to make a story.” “It takes an egg to make a hen. It takes a hen to make an egg. There is no end to what I’m saying.” Next up Mraz tries to capitalize on the success of The Remedy with Wordplay where Mraz declares himself the “wizards of oh’s and ah’s and fa la la’s”. Van Morrison fans might have something to say about that. Not to mention looked what happen the last time some one made up a fictional title, King of Pop anyone? The video for the song is even more inexplicable featuring Santa playing a guitar out of the Megadeath collection, some dude playing a keytar and Mraz rightfully getting stoned (with actual stones like in The Lottery, get your mind out of the gutter). After Wordplay comes the ill-advised Geek in the Pink which he tries to pass off as a rap song in the beginning.

Elsewhere on the album, Did You Get My Message sounds as if Mraz started to listen to too much Beach Boys, but not enough sunk in for it to be a good song. Mr. Curiosity starts out as a slow song that, for no reason, goes operatic in the middle. Seriously, opera. He gets back on track with Clockwatching, the closes he gets on this album to the quality of You and I Both although he could have done without the crowd sounds near the end of the song. Please Don’t Tell Her is another keeper. More wordplay shows up in The Forecast, “Let’s hang out the do not disturb (sign) me up for the storm." The album ends with Song for a Friend and much like the opener; it takes its time to build to a climax. The song then ends with a choir (this could possibly be an entirely different song put on as a hidden track) and is a good way to end the album.

Song to Download – Clockwatching

Mr. A-Z gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

We On Award Tour - 2005 MTV Video Music Awards Nominations

The king of all award shows is on the horizon, the MTV Video Music Awards. Yes the last couple years have been disappointing, especially last year host-less edition that spawned zero water cooler moments. This year we do have a host, P. Diddy, who could do a good job as long as Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle are writing jokes for him. Already set to perform are Green Day, Kanye West, and Kelly Clarkson. The Viewers Choice is still in the preliminary stages so if you would like to vote for that or the MTV2 Award, or Best Soundtrack From a Video Game, hop over to MTV.com and voice your oppinian. As for the nominees:

Video of the Year
Coldplay, "Speed of Sound"
Green Day, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"
Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl"
Kanye West, "Jesus Walks"
Snoop Dogg w/Pharrell, "Drop It Like It's Hot"

Who Should Win: Jesus Walks
Who Will Win: Jesus Walks
Should Have Been Nominated: Vertigo

Jesus Walks is the best video by far the best video on this list and MTV loves rap, so it looks like it’s Kanye’s year this year. Although MTV also loves Stefani as I think No Doubt has the highest winning percentage in VMA history. I find it odd that U2’s Vertigo was left off as Speed of Sound is just Coldplay playing in front of light show and Drop it Like it’s Hot really isn’t visually striking.

Best Male Video
50 Cent, "Candy Shop"
Beck, "E-Pro"
John Legend, "Ordinary People"
Kanye West, "Jesus Walks"
Usher, "Caught Up"

Who Should Win: Jesus Walks
Who Will Win: Jesus Walks
Should Have Been Nominated: John Mayer, Daughters

Kanye should take this one too, but E-Pro and Ordinary People are worthy contenders. Usher is so 2004 and 50 has gone way downhill since his mix-tape days

Best Female Video
Amerie, "1 Thing"
Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl"
Kelly Clarkson, "Since U Been Gone"
Mariah Carey, "We Belong Together"
Shakira w/Alejandro Sanz, "La Tortura"

Who Should Win: Since U Been Gone
Who Will Win: Hollaback Girl
Should Have Been Nominated: Joss Stone, You Had Me

Personally, I’ll go with the video with a chick breaking stuff. That’s totally my form of entertainment. Plus throw in a blatent rip-off of the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s Maps and I’m set. I always find it interesting when a dude shows up in the best Female catergory. MTV always seems to throw one in every year.

Best Group Video
Black Eyed Peas, "Don't Phunk With My Heart"
Destiny's Child w/T.I & Lil' Wayne, "Soldier"
Green Day, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"
The Killers, "Mr. Brightside"
U2, "Vertigo"

Who Should Win: Vertigo
Who Will Win: Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Should Have Been Nominated: Jimmy Eat World, Pain

The one thing that is hard to peg the winners so early with the VMA is that they tend to award those who show up. If U2 show up this year, they most likely take home this award. But since they weren’t nominated for the top prize, I’m thinking they turned down a performance and won’t show up and show Green Day win by default. I have already explained why I dislike Destiny’s Child’s Soldier (If You Know What I Mean), so I won’t go into that again.

Best Rap Video
Eminem, "Just Lose It"
The Game & 50 Cent, "Hate It or Love It"
Ludacris, "Number One Spot"
T.I., "You Don't Know Me"
Ying Tang Twins, "Wait (The Whisper Song)"

Who Should Win: Number One Spot
Who Will Win: Just Lose It

All these songs suck massively so I’ll give my award to the video that sports Slick Rick and Mini Me. It’s interesting to compare this award with Best Hip-Hop Video where are but Missy Elliot are quality rappers where the Best Rap Nominees only appeal to kids in Middle School. And as an added bonus, we get the Antoine Merriwether himself, T.I. to boot in this catergory.

Best R&B Video
Alicia Keys, "Karma"
Ciara w/Ludacris, "Oh"
John Legend, "Ordinary People"
Mariah Carey, "We Belong Together"
Usher w/Alicia Keys, "My Boo"

Who Should Win: Ordinary People
Who Will Win: My Boo

Ordinary People has heart, My Boo has the star power. If Alicia Key was to win, it should be for Karma instead, but the voters will kill two stars with one stone with hear song with Usher.

Best Hip-Hop Video
Common, "Go"
Kanye West, "Jesus Walks"
Missy Elliott w/Ciara & Fat Man Scoop, "Lose Control"
Nas w/ Olu Dara, "Bridging the Gap"
Snoop Dogg w/Pharrell, "Drop It Like It's Hot"

Who Should Win: Jesus Walks
Who Will Win: Drop it Like it’s Hot
Should Have Been Nominated: Mobb Deep, Got it Twisted

Sans Missy Elliot, all the videos are worthy. But I would have gone with Common’s The Corner rather than Go.

Best Dance Video
Ciara, "1, 2 Step"
Destiny's Child, "Lose My Breath"
Jennifer Lopez, "Get Right"
Missy Elliott w/Ciara & Fat Man Scoop, "Lose Control"
Shakira w/Alejandro Sanz, "La Tortura"

Who Should Win: La Tortura
Who Will Win: Lose My Breathe
Should Have Been Nominated: 1 Thing

Seriously, nothing beats the Shakira patented breast shake in her video. Aside from Destiny’s Child, I don’t know anyone who could actually dance to the other three nominees, so they should be thrown out by default. Amerie on the other hand is one of the few songs that could get me dancing.

Best Rock Video
Foo Fighters, "Best of You"
Green Day, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"
The Killers, "Mr. Brightside"
My Chemical Romance, "Helena"
Weezer, "Beverly Hills"

Who Should Win: Mr. Brightside
Who Will Win: Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Should Have Been Nominated: Vertigo

For me it a toss up between Playmates and Eric Roberts, and you can see by my prediction who wins that battle. Too bad there is no Best Pseudo-Celebrity Cameo award so we can see Roberts take on himself with his other video with Mariah Carey.

Best Pop Video
Ashlee Simpson, "Pieces of Me"
Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl"
Jesse McCartney, "Beautiful Soul"
Kelly Clarkson, "Since U Been Gone"
Lindsay Lohan, "Rumors"

Who Should Win: Since U Been Gone
Who Will Win: Hollaback Girl
Should Have Been Nominated: Vanessa Carlton, White Houses

They should really change this award to best Teen-Pop award because not many people above the age of twenty or male like any artist that MTV has thrown into this category. Pop is short for popular which means it should be something everybody likes, not just under-aged females. But enough for a semantics lesson, No Doubt has ruled this category in the past, so expect them to win. Simpson and Lohan are throwaway video, although Rumors has some nostalgia appeal since it harkens back to a day when Lohan actually was attractive. And should I even know who Jessie McCartney is? Is he related to Paul?

Best New Artist in a Video
Ciara, "1, 2 Step"
The Game, "Dreams"
John Legend, "Ordinary People"
The Killers, "Mr. Brightside"
My Chemical Romance, "Helena"

Who Should Win: Ordinary People
Who Will Win: Mr. Brightside
Should Have Been Nominated: Anna Nalick, Breathe (2 A.M.)

This is a two way battle because Ciara, the Game, and My Chemical Romance suck massively. Although if Best New Artist of the past are any indication, maybe I should root for one of the three instead.

MTV2 Award
Akon w/Styles P, "Locked Up"
The Bravery, "An Honest Mistake"
Daddy Yankee, "Gasolina"
Fall Out Boy, "Sugar, We're Going Down"
Mike Jones w/Slim Thug & Paul Wall, "Still Tippin'"
My Chemical Romance, "Helena"

Who I Voted For: Still Tippin'
Who Will Win: Helena

Remember the good old day when MV2 didn’t become a haven for all things frat boys? So what we get is an award to see who is most metro. And since MTV allows you to vote as many times as you want, the award doesn’t go to the most popular, rather it goes whoever fans are the biggest losers (think AFI). And since fans of My Chemical Romance have nothing better to do than sit in front of the computers and vote all day, they’ll win. Even though I hate blatant self promotion, Mike Jones is so over the top when he does it, it become entertaining.

Breakthrough Video
Eminem, "Mosh"
Gorillaz, "Feel Good Inc."
Missy Elliott w/Ciara & Fat Man Scoop, "Lose Control"
Sarah McLachlan, "World on Fire"
U2, "Vertigo"

Who Should Win: World on Fire
Who Will Win: Lose Control

Let play a little “Which One of These Videos is Not Like the Other.” If you said World on Fire, go get yourself a cookie. The breakthrough behind that video is that it only cost $15. McLachlan turned around and donated the $150,000 allotted to the video to various international charities. But I’m sure the charity will go unnoticed again as the video outlets ignored it when it initially came out.

Best Choreography in a Video
Amerie, "1 Thing"
Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl"
Jennifer Lopez, "Get Right"
Missy Elliott w/Ciara & Fat Man Scoop, "Lose Control"
My Chemical Romance, "Helena"

Who Should Win: Helena
Who Will Win: Hollaback Girl
Should Have Been Nominated: Vanessa Carlton, White Houses

Stafani can’t dance, J-Lo gets a pity nomination because he album tanked, and the daning in 1 Thing and Lose Control weren’t even memorial. Helena should win by default.

Best Direction in a Video
Green Day, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" (Director: Samuel Bayer)
Jennifer Lopez, "Get Right" (Director: Francis Lawrence/Diane Martel)
Missy Elliott w/Ciara & Fat Man Scoop, "Lose Control" (Director: Dave Meyers/Missy Elliott)
White Stripes, "Blue Orchid" (Director: Floria Sigismondi)
U2, "Vertigo" (Director: Alex & Martin)

Who Should Win: Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Who Will Win: Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I really have no comment on direction.

Best Special Effects in a Video
Coldplay, "Speed of Sound"
Gorillaz, "Feel Good Inc."
Ludacris, "Number One Spot"
The Mars Volta, "The Widow"
Missy Elliott w/Ciara & Fat Man Scoop, "Lose Control"
U2, "Vertigo"

Who Should Win: Vertigo
Who Will Win: Lose Control

I was unaware that there were any special effects in Speed of Sound. And the effects in Number One Spot and Feel Good Inc. were not that special. I’d give the U2 because unlike Missy Elliot, their music doesn’t make my ears bleed.

Best Art Direction in a Video
Green Day, "American Idiot"
Gwen Stefani, "What You Waiting For?"
The Killers, "Mr. Brightside"
System of a Down, "B.Y.O.B"
White Stripes, "Blue Orchid"

Who Should Win: Mr. Brightside
Who Will Win: What You Waiting For?

I have no comments on art direction.

Best Editing in a Video
Coldplay, "Speed of Sound"
Foo Fighters, "Best of You”
Green Day, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"
Gwen Stefani, "What You Waiting For?"
Jennifer Lopez, "Get Right"
Simple Plan, "Untitled"

Who Should Win: Best of You
Who Will Win: What You Waiting For?

Editing is a hard category to choose because all you have to do is make sure the lips move with the words of the song. Untitled was a cool video, it just too sad that it was paired up with one of the worst songs of the year. Man those Canadians are a whiny bunch.

Best Cinematography in a Video
Coldplay, "Speed of Sound"
Green Day, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"
Modest Mouse, "The Ocean Breathes Salty"
Simple Plan, "Untitled"
U2, "Vertigo"
White Stripes, "Blue Orchid"

Who Should Win: Speed of Sound
Who Will Win: Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I really shouldn’t comment here because I’m not entirely sure what cinematography is.

Best Soundtrack From A Video Game
Def Jam: Fight for NY
Dance Dance Revolution Extreme
Madden 2005
Midnight Club 3: Dub Edition
Tony Hawk’s Underground 2

Who I Voted For:: Def Jam: Fight for NY
Who Will Win: Tony Hawk's Underground 2
Should Have Been Nominated: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

He in lies the biggest snub at the awards with that absence of GTA. OK, so no one on the soundtrack has been on MTV since Dr. Dre last appeared in an Eminem video. But unlike all the games on the list, when playing GTA, there is no need to reach for the remote to throw the mute on because you keep on hearing the same songs ad nausea.

Here Come the Judge

It has been a couple of days since George Bush named his appointee to the Supreme Court to fill the vacancy of Sandra Day O’Conner. You most like been inundated with reasons why John Roberts Jr. is the greatest American ever born or the worst humanity has had to offer since, well, the guy who appointed him. Now that the blowhards have had their say, let you give me my opinion of Roberts: I don’t have one. And here is the problem with the current state of news today. The anchor sets up a topic then brings on two guests to “discuss” the topic, both with opposite extreme views. And at the end, we, the viewer, have to decide for ourselves which view we disagree with less. No one reports the news anymore, they prefer to create it. And anyone who keeps on brings up Roberts wife, stop it, they are not confirming his wife, they are confirming him. Granted this is almost poetic considering Bush’s people made John McCain’s wife out to be a crack addict in the 2000 primary, so what goes around always comes back around.

So in the end, this leaves me without a quality opinion on Roberts. Now this is what I would like to know about John Roberts, what are his thoughts on Eminent Domain? One thing that I do not want to happen to me is that the government to take away my home so they can build another outlet for the evil empire (Wal-Mart). Then and only then could I form an opinion about the judicial nominee. I know Eminent Domain it is not a hot topic of the day like abortion and the like, but here's the thing; I don’t really care if abortion is illegal or not. Nothing in my life would change if abortion was legal or not. Same thing with gay marriage – doesn’t affect me either way. I won’t wake up one morning, look at the headline on the paper that read “Gay Marriage Legalized,” and think to myself, “Darn, not I won’t be able to buy a house now.” Yet another thing that won’t affect me either way – flag burning. Of course that’s assuming that they don’t do the burning while in my home.

So Eminent Domain is something I hope senators will be bring up at the confirmation hearings in about six week. And hear in lies one of the biggest problems in America today, how slow it takes anything to get done. O’Conner announced her intent to retire about a month ago. Roberts wasn’t nominated until last week. Confirmation hearings are about six weeks away. And if everything goes swiftly, Roberts won’t be on the court until October at the earliest. That is almost a half a year it will take for us to get a new judge and that’s only if there are no problems. This should take no longer than month to able to push through.

In other Supreme Court news, recently when ask if or when he was going to retire, Chief Justice of Supreme Court, William Renquist replied, “That’s for me to know and you to find out.” It’s nice to know that our nation’s top judge is quoting PeeWee Herman. We really need to reevaluate that life term thing.

Lost Ones

I was recently pointed in the direction of an extremely interesting trailer for the launch of Lost in Britain (You can check it out here). It was directed by David LaChapelle, so if you are familiar with him, you know it will be strange. And if you don’t know who he is, LaChapelle is responsible for Moby’s Natural Blues, Bink182’s Feeling This videos and the Burger King commercial featuring the dude from Hootie. And if you remember the Rolling Stone cover that started Brittney Spear not so innocent phase, David LaChapelle. But he has nothing to do with Rick James though. But back to Lost, since the file is quite big, I’ll give a play by play for the dial-up viewers.

First the ad is features a song by Portishead and the cast is located on the beach with the plane on fire in the background. The first shot focuses in on Hurley who is carrying luggage. Then we get a shot of Jin and Sun, Sayid and Shannon, and Boone and Claire dancing. Cut to Michael also carrying luggage backwards, but it looks extremely tired. Then we get Jack and Kate dancing and Charlie dancing by himself, and for Charlie, I use the term dancing loosely as it is possible he might be having a seizure. Then were are back to some of the couples dancing some more then on to Locke who looks like he’s conducting an orchestra. Cut to Michael cutting and dancing with Sun. Cut to Kate and Sawyer dancing then back to Locke conducting some more only this time he’s been joined by Walt. Then we get a stare down between Jack and Sawyer only to reveal Kate in-between them and then floats towards Jack (not literally floats but she defiantly looks high here). And now Sun is back with Jin and Kate with Sawyer. Then we get a bigger view with most of the cast and something explodes in the background. Then Clair is off by herself. Cut to Jin and Sun and Sayid and Shannon dancing then Charlie by himself. Another wide shot is next and Kate is back with Jack and Sawyer is wondering, looking at everyone else. Then we get a scene where it looks like Boone and Sayid are catching Shannon, possibly fighting over her. Cut to Kate walking backwards into the ocean and back to the regular couples dancing again and Jack and Hurley talking. Last we see Clair sitting in front of some burning wreckage.

Even though the ad was made for the first run of the show in Britain, I can’t help but think that it has some foreshadowing for the upcoming season two here in the U.S. The first thing that struck me the coupling of Boone and Claire. Why isn’t Claire with Charlie? She really didn’t have any interaction with Boone in the first season and probably won’t in the second on account of Boone’s death. Although, that does help two theories that I currently have, 1) Claire dies and 2) Boone (and everyone else who died is) what’s in the hatch. The ending with Claire in front of the fire also helps my Claire dies theory. It was also interesting that Michael and Walt do not interact. With Walt and Locke conducting, one can assume that they are controlling what happens on the island. More specifically, I believe that Walt is the key to controlling the monster.

In American commercial news for Lost, there is a hidden ad on the Oceanic Air website (granted I bypassed the absurdity and just downloaded it from another website). All the pictures and sounds are from the last season, but the text that goes across the screen is interesting:

They survived on luck.
They survived on instinct.
But on the other side of the island…
They will discover…
They’re not the survivors.
They’re NOT the survivors. (Repeat that a couple more times)
They’re not the survivors they thought they were.
Ok, I’ve already concluded that Rose’s husband and Ana Lucia are on the other side of the island and it just so happens that is where Michael, Jin, and Sawyer end up. What I’m lost on (get it lost, oh never mind) is why they are not the survivors they thought they were? On the other side of the island, do they have people dissing them on the internet (even though their momma should have taught them better than that)? Does everyone have the eye of the tiger? Do they have to put up with a naked, fat, gay-homosexual walking around all of the time? I just don’t know. But the biggest question is, could they possibly have a hotter token hot chick on their side of the island? The second season of lost can’t start soon enough for me. (Check out my review of season 1 here - Guys (Dramatic Pause) Where are We?)

Musings From the Back 9 vol. VII

I mentioned a while back that Kanye West’s remix (with Jay-Z) to the song Diamond (From Sierra Leone) and how it talked about the atrocities that happen just to bring your bling to the US (Throw Up Your Diamonds Like You’re Bulimic). If you haven’t read that already, I highly recommend it. Also if you were interesting to hear the song for yourself, the remix is now currently available on iTunes. I can’t recommend this song enough.

After week of doing insane stunk after insane stunt, Tom Cruise have finally did something of importance, he pissed off the French. It was reported recently the Cruise is no long welcome in the country. Welcome back to humanity Tom.

There was a lot of backlash with John McCain appearing in the R-rated movie, Wedding Crashers with Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. One reporter even printed a title reading “Sen. McCain stars in ‘boob raunch fest.’” McCain responded by saying, “In Washington, I work with boobs everyday.” He even seemed more upset that he appeared in the same movie as James Carville than with a bunch of boobs. So all the prudes out there that think this is a bad thing, relax, and go see the movie because it’s hilarious. Not to mention, McCain gave his entire paycheck from the film to charity.

Speaking of boob raunch fest, it looks like Mike Tyson is looking at getting into porn. He has already contacted Jenna Jemison’s production company. Just when you think Tyson couldn’t get any more entertaining, he always seems to out do himself.

Much like me, it seems like the original Cooter from Dukes of Hazzard wants you to boycott the new movie. Now I think people should boycott the movie because it doesn’t star John Schneider and Tom Wopat. Cooter on the other hand doen’t want people to see it because Hollywood is sleezing up a “family show.” I was unaware that rasist imagry, short shorts, and dudes named Cooter qualify as family entertainment. Does he even know what Cooter means? But it looks like family values to Cooter (at right) is having girls that could be you daughter rub up against you.

It appears that Hilary 2008 is in full swing when the Senator attacked Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas for having a hidden scene with a naked woman. So let me get this straight, in the Clinton household, dudes blowing each other up with rocket launchers – O.K. Naked pixilated women – bad.

Weird search of the week:
arab chick stereotypes forums (AOL)

Here are the results of the Live 8 Lyrics Quiz that were not guessed:

13. She couldn’t afford a car so she named her daughter Alexis. (All Falls Down – Kanye West)
18. I can’t wait for the first time. My imagination is running wild. (You Don’t Know My Name – Alicia Keys)
20. You’re talking so much sex, but you’re not telling us about AIDS. (It Takes More – Ms. Dynamite)
23. She said her name was Donnie but her shirt said Marie. (Then She Bit Me – DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince)

Congratulations to Pure Mood for make the most correct answers (4). Since this was fairly successful, I will be bringing back a new lyrics quiz with a new theme on the 15th of every month. I have also put up a winner’s circle in the margin so be sure to come back each month (or just come back everyday) to try your hand at the new lyrics quiz.

I'm Going to Win a Blog Design From Digitally Essential!

A wise man once said
That, “A Change is Gonna Come”
Let’s prove Sam Cooke right.

The ladies over at Digitally Essential are holding a contest to win a free blog design. I do like the whole earth tone vibe the current template has, but recently, I had an idea to put a golf themed banner at the top and go with more of a grassy type background. I was also toying with the idea of adding another margin on the right side and I’ve also wanted proper headers for the sections in the margin. Unfortunately Haikus have never been my strength, as the contest requires. As my long time readers know, I tend to write quite lengthy entries so writing something that only has 17 syllables would not be easy for me. I thought about asking Mr. Slice, who has been churning out Haikus regularly recently. Then I realized one of my favorite sayings, “A wise man once said” was exactly 5 syllables, and one of my favorite songs, “A Change is Gonna Come” was 6, I figured the rest was easy, so I decided to though my hat into the ring. Contest ends tomorrow for anyone else who want to give it a try. I’m not sure how long the judges will deliberate, but if things go my way, you may see some extra maintained to the 9^th green. Maybe I’ll even change the pin location, throw in a bunker, and try to Tiger-proof it too, not that it’s possible.

These Are Things I Feel

Riding the wave of the Garden State Soundtrack a year too late is Marjorie Fair. With its melodic beats and soothing voices, any song off their first album, Self Help Serenade, would have fit well in the Zach Braff film. The band also has a strong retro-pop vibe and at times on the album conjures up thoughts of breezy 70’s bands like Supertramp and Seals & Croft.

An album like this is very hard to review because it is so mellow, you just space out and it’s over before you know it. The group itself finds it hard to classify as lead singer, Evan Slamka tried to explain, “If I'm bored or doing some psycho-therapy on myself, I'll maybe look through the lens of the record and try to figure out what it's about, what it means.” I think I even zoned out when I first read that.

And like artist on the Garden State Soundtrack, a lot of the lyrics are introspective. On the stand out track, Empty Room, Slamka sings, “I don’t want to die young. But if I do, fill my empty room with the sun.” Even gloomier is Waves where he mourns, “The person I thought I was, is something that I don’t thing is coming true.” So if obsess over Garden State, Self Help Serenade is right up your alley.

Song to Download – Empty Room

Self Help Serenade gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Even More Flip-Flops in Washington

Today’s big new is that Northwestern Women’s Lacrosse team wore flip flops to the White House. Apparently the blow hards think this was disrespectful to the integrity of the building. But let’s be honest, the integrity of the White House has been ruined by the people who have inhabited it for the last 13 years. They have done more to discredit the honor of the White House more than any flip-flops could. It also seems appropriate that flip-flops would be worn in the White House (get it, flip flops and politicians, oh never mind). It’s also good to hear about articles of clothing in the White House that didn’t have, um, never mind, I won’t go there.

What I’m outraged about is when does winning the Women’s Lacrosse College National Championship warrant a visit to the White House? I guess the local T-ball champions should save up their allowances because it looks like anyone who has won anything can get a picture with the president as long as they have airfare to get to Washington. I mean it’s not like the guy is busy with wars, finding a new Supreme Court judge, White House leaks, hating gays, ignoring our borders, and social security. Wait, what happened to social security? Did that get scrapped?

But it looks like this story will have a happy ending. The offending players are planning to action off the infamous footwear with all the money raised going to a fund to help a 10 year old girl with a brain tumor.

We On Award Tour - 2005 ESPY Awards

ESPY Awards were on last night although if you have visited ESPN.com lately, then you were bombarded with articles about the winners, best dressed and all that goes with the awards since the awards show was actually last week sometimes. I really hate that not only are they not live, but they let out all the secrets before it airs and for those of us that don’t want anything spoiled, we have to be very careful at what we look at. But anyways, here are my highlights from the festivities:

- In the opening “Images” montage it mentioned the major athletes that have retired this year including Emmett Smith. I seriously missed that announcement, I guess I never though that he would retire. I fully expected him to be the Ricky Henderson of football.

- Also in the opening montage was multiple Ron Artest sightings which made me wonder why they don’t have “Worst Sports Moment” award.

- Dwayne Wade wins the Breakthrough Athlete award. They might have as well given the award to Shaq, because without him in Miami, Wade is just another decent player with no personality. I’m sure if guys would have known what Maria Sharapova would have been wearing, the voting might have gone a different way. That dress catapulted her over Anna Kournikova in the hotness ranking.

- It makes sense that Jessica Biel was a presenter at the ESPY’s because she is built like a linebacker.

- I have to admit I was totally conned by the Hoosiers 2 bit. I extremely mad when Amare Stoudemire and (um, was I supposed to know who the other dude was?) introduced the film. Luckily it was just a joke but I wouldn’t be surprised if there is a remake the way Hollywood is pumping out recycled ideas. (FYI – next up in the remake department, and sadly this isn’t a joke, LL Cool J in Fatal Attraction.)

- Nothing say “Know way I’m seeing this” like hearing a movie is starring Tyrese, the weird dude from OutKast, some random dude, and Marky Mark. But somehow this makes them eligible to be presenters. I haven’t looked, but I’d put sizeable money that their movie is being distributed by one of Disney subsidiaries. And if you are unaware, ESPN is one of them.

- It was funny during the Best Coach montage that all the coaches had elaborate plays filled with X’s and O’s to go along with their part and Terry Francona’s bit was just a steal. If any baseball manager wins this award, there is a serious problem.

- Natalie Coughlin was robbed as the Best Female Olympic Performance went to the USA Softball Team. It wasn’t the Best Females Olympic Performances, so a team shouldn’t even have been eligible. Shame on anyone who voted for them.

- Maria Sharapova wins Best Female Tennis Player yet we don’t get to see her accept it as it was thrown in with the awards previously given out montage. Bad mistake as ESPN once again screwed its make demographic another shot of her in that dress.

- Holy Carly Patterson sighting! It might just been the camera angle, but it sure looked like she has packed on the pounds since last August. I guess that’s what happens when you are allowed to eat for the first time in your life. But she may want to slow down or she just might find herself on Celbrity Fit Club 3.

- The Spelling Bee bit rivels anything Vince Vaugn has done on the MTV Movie Awards. “Spell Sharapova.” “Can you use it in a sentence?” “I would like to go on a date with Maria Sharapova.”

- Can some one tell how Wilmer Vanderama got so lucky? First he dates a barely legal Mandy Moore, then he lands the not so legal Lindsey Lohan before she got ugly, now he’s presenting with Maria Sharapova. And he’s not on an ABC show nor does he have a Disney venture to promote. I really need to find out how to become Ashton Kutcher’s sidekick.

- Next up is the best segment on any awards show, The Arthur Ashe Award, given this year to Jim McLaren, a Yale football star who was pronounced dead after being hit by a bus. But he recovered and set multiple records for a one legged athlete only to be hit by a van while riding a bike in a triathlon and was told by doctors he would not be able to feel or move anything below his head ever again. The awards was also givin to a man who was inspired by McLaren, Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah who was born without a bone in his leg in Ghana, a country where disabled children are routinely killed at birth. Yeboah went on to ride a bike across his home country, 370 miles, on a bike that was donated by a program that was inspired by McLaren. The highlight of the segment came when originally diagnosed paraplegic, McLaren, was seen wiping away his tears with his own hands while accepting the award in front of a stand ovation.

- There was a Monday Night Football reunion between Terrel Owens and Nicollette Sheridan. For those keeping track at home she joined Patrick Dempsey (Grey’s Anatomy), Michael Vartan (Alias), James Denton (Desperate Housewives), Nick and Jessica (Nick and Jessica's Tour of Duty), and Kelly Preston (Sky High) as blatant Disney product placement at the ESPY’s. I’m sure if you look at the other actors at the awards you will also find they are Disney products. Yet surprisingly no one from Lost made an appearance. Could they not at least brought in the token hot chick from the show.

- Blake Hoffarber won the Best Play award. I don’t want to tell Mr. Slice I told you so (although just by typing it I think I just did. Sorry.)

- Friday Night Lights wins Best Sports Movie, the director picked up the trophy but when you’re dating Estella Warren, that’s really award enough.

- It seems like The Rock will be soon dropped from his name as he is starting to be introduced as Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Bad move as The Rock sound much cooler than Dwayne. Dwayne always conjures images of Dwayne Wayne and his flip glasses. This is a potential career killer. Granted this affect Wayne Wade marking ability much worse.

- The night closes with a perforce by Destiny’s Child with some weird Riverdance type chorography. This just may give us an insight in the post-Destiny’s Child careers on the two members of the group not named Beyoncé as they soon may be Michael Flattley’s sidekicks.

Final Scooter Talley:
Voted For: 6 for 17 (.353)
Predicted Correctly: 7 for 17 (.412)

Welcome Back Hockey, Now Here are Some Changes

With the return of hockey, I have a few suggestions.

1. Get Rid of the Blue Lines – This is a rule that everyone who plays EA's NHL Series turns off immediately because it is extremely annoying and in real life slows down the game to a grinding halt either because some one violated the rule or a team holds the puck while avoiding the infraction. Basically all this rule does is award teams that are to lazy to guard players.

2. Get rid of all teams below St. Louis – Who ever though that people would fans would want to watch the Stanley Cup in June when they could be going to the beach is a moron. Why would anyone want to watch hockey in place where they would never see ice outside ever in their lifetime? Some team should just be eliminated because there are way too many to begin with. Basically the Southeast and Pacific divisions both should be dissolved. Although some teams should be moved back to their original homes for instance move the Carolina Hurricanes back to Hartford where people actually play hockey.

3. Shorten the Season and Playoffs – Even places where there are not any beaches don’t want to see hockey in June, or May for that matter. Shorten the season by about 20 games and go with a best of 5-5-7 system for the playoffs. That should shave a month and a half to two months off the season

4. Bring Back the Old Divisions – Back in 93, the NHL decided to change the unique named divisions and conferences to bland geographically correct names. By doing this, the NHL lost some mystic and history and became like all the sports. They should really changes those back to the Norris, Smyth, Adams, Patrick Divisions and the Clarence Campbell and Prince of Wales Conferences.

5. Lower Ticket Prices – The best way to build the league up again is to make it the only sport in town where families can see professional sports without breaking the back or postpone the trip to Disneyworld. Have the good seats sell for around $15 and $5 for the nosebleed and watch the fans come back in droves.

Most importantly, the NHL owners and NHLPA need to fire Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow. Both are the faces and names most associated with the 2004-5 lost season and the best PR move is just to cut ties with both men. If fact they should make it a public firing at the first game of the upcoming season and televised on ESPN. You can even make a prize out of it and let two lucky fans to the honors.