We on Award Tour - 2006 Oscar Awards

I didn’t really plan on watching the Oscars last night. I thought I’d just turn in to see John Stewart’s monologue and turn off, but I ended up keeping the television on even though I didn’t really pay attention to the whole thing. Too bad they didn't do the awards in the isles or have everyone on stage bit like last year, that was the best part. But anyways. Best line of the night, “For those keeping track at home, Martin Scorsese: no Oscars, Three 6 Mafia: one.” Here are some other thoughts from last night.

- I typically hate those lame Brokeback Mountain jokes but having Chris Rock poking out of the tent during the “And now your host…” opener with Billy Crystal had me laughing for a while. Granted after that the skit just went too long, and how could they not have Letterman being too busy babysitting Uma and Oprah or at least cardboard cutouts of them.

- You know it’s going to be a bad night when they scan the crowd at the beginning and in lieu of nominees they bust out shots of Will Smith and Jennifer Lopez instead.

- Even though both are old hat, the Dick Cheney shooting Björk joke was hilarious. Also the look George Clooney gave after Stewart made fun of him was priceless almost as good as when he brought up Batman in his acceptance speech.

- Yeah, the Were-Rabbit bow-ties were creepy.

- It’s odd during the Dolly Parton performance it was only her while the other two got weird interpretative dance including the re-enacting of the molesting scene from Crash. But Dolly wrote a song for a transsexual movie; Willie Nelson just released a song entitled Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly (Fond of Each Other), what’s next? Is Toby Keith going to duet on Don’t Go Breaking My Heart with Elton John?

- For those keeping track at home, the stars they brought in to present that will never even be nominated for an Oscar includes Ben Stiller, Luke and Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lopez, Will Ferrell, Steve Carrel, and Jessica Alba.

- The bio-flick montage was lame. I really wish they’d put a ban on those types of movies.

- The very clothed Rachel McAdams gets relegated to the technical Oscars. Ouch. Maybe had she gotten naked for Vanity Fair she would have been invited to the big show.

- The slander pieces were great especially how it made Reese Witherspoon look mortified afterwards.

- How can they reunite Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves and not mention Speed. Why even put the two together if you don’t?

- During the big “Issues” montage, why was Thelma & Louise featured. And the liberal Hollywood types still clapped like mindless drowns afterwards.

- I love how Stewart mocked the token old dude (the academy president) and he didn’t even realize it. Then token old dude for some reason rails against DVD’s saying how movies are meant to be seen on the big screen with strangers not realizing that most of us have big screens and hate how those strangers constantly talk during the movie.

- During the “Epics” montage - Grease and Back to the Future. Um, yeah, okay.

- And the most entertaining moment of the night has to go to the Three 6 Mafia performance and win leading to many Stewart jokes including “Why are they the most excited ones here tonight?” I loved how the spanned the crowd after the win and everyone was laughing. It’s like the autistic kid that’s been on ESPN recently who got in to play some garbage time and ended up hitting six three pointers in less than five minutes. But I was a little disappointed that they didn't work "Whoop that trick" into their performance, that was the best part of the movie (well I mean the trailer, I didn't see the movie). And was I hearing things or the chick say "ship" at the end of the chorus instead of another s-word? And anyone who was in third grade knows what happens when you hold your tounge when you say "ship."

- Jennifer Garner's appearance made me think of this song. (opens iTunes)

- So let me get this straight Charlize Theron is a South African-American. For a community that is so liberal I love how the avoid calling her just an African American.

- The best part of the Reese Witherspoon acceptance speech was watching Ryan Phillipee sweat while hoping he doesn’t become the next Chad Lowe while Reese rambled on without naming him.

- Crash wins. Wow that movie sucked (see my review - The Closest You Ever Came to Being Black Was Watching the Cosby Show). Horrible end to a boring awards show.