Rules of Engagement Preview

I’m not sure if I am going to watch the new show Rules of Engagement which premieres this Monday, Feburary 5th at 9:30 on CBS. On one hand the show is a Happy Madison production (Adam Sandler’s production company). On the other hand I’m not the biggest fan of David Spade. Then add that to Monday not being the best time for me as I have a late class and Everybody Hates Chris, How I Met Your Mother, Heroes, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and The (White) Rapper Show already on my schedule that day. Seriously, can’t any network put something worth watching on Tuesdays or Sundays beside Veronica Mars? But anyway. Here is the show synopsis, some promotional pictures (click to enlarge) and some clips from the show:


RULES OF ENGAGEMENT, a comedy about different phases of the male/female relationship as seen through the eyes of a newly-engaged couple Adam (Oliver Hudson, Kate’s brother) and Jennifer (Bianca Kajlich, Boston Public), a long-married pair Jeff (Patrick Warburton, Seinfeld) and Audrey (Megyn Price, Grounded for Life) and a single guy on the prowl, Russell (David Spade, Saturday Night Live). As the five find out, the often confusing stages of a relationship can seem like being on a roller coaster. People can describe them to you, but to really know what its like, you have to take the ride yourself.

Sun Is in the Sky, Oh Why, Oh Why, Would I Wanna be Anywhere Else

For years the British have tried to break into the American market, some that have lived up to the hype (Arctic Monkeys), some have haven’t (The Darkness), but one thing they all have in common is that none have really made any impact stateside. And the ones that are able to score a hit (James Blunt) fall back into obscurity once that one song has run its course. But even though there hasn’t been many breakout stars from England since the second British Invasion back in the eighties, they continue to come, the latest import being Lily Allen. The sassy Brit has seen her album Alright, Still hit the top of the charts across the world except the largest market in the world.

The album was released across Europe back in July of last year and the buzz here in America started coming in not too long afterwards thanks to a mention in Rolling Stone’s Download Now section long before most American’s knew her name and the globalization of the internet with sites like MySpace and YouTube (I mentioned her here at the 9th Green back in October). And anyone who watches Aerie Tuesdays on The CW (and if you aren’t watching Veronica Mars, you should be) have already been introduced Ms. Allen whether you knew are not as her song, Say What You Say, is the song that plays in the Aerie commercial.

After all the hype, we Americans were finally able to get our hands on the full length album and it definitely was as advertised. The album opens with one of the best piss off songs of all time, Smile where Allen ends up getting the last laugh when the guy that broke her heart comes crawling back and she can turn him down this time. She’s not done with the dude as later on the album there is Not Big about, um, well I’m sure you can figure that out and being not big is actually one of the nicer insults slung throughout that song. But the funniest stuff is reserved for her very own little brother Alfie who gets a song named after him where Lily, in true big sister mode, rags on him for sitting around all day smoking weed and playing computer games.

Ladies, Allen has you in her crosshairs too. On Friday Night, she takes on the Queen B’s and Wannabe’s that hang out in clubs and warns them, “Don’t try to test me ‘cause you’ll get a reaction.” Look out old people because you are on her list too because after hearing a list of cliché’s like “All that glitters is not gold” on Say What You Say, Allen shoots back to who she referenced to as a horse with, “What the (expletive deleted) do you know? Just ‘cause you’re old you think your wise.” Her own friends aren’t above ridicule either as seen in the hilarious bonus track on the American release, Nan You’re a Window Shopper, a send up of the 50 Cent song (watch out “Weird Al”). Allen actually shows her softer side on Littlest Things where she actually fondly reminisces on a past relationship that borrows a little too much from Radiohead’s Karma Police at the start of the song.

Allen’s wordplay is refreshing and you’ll spend a good chuck of your first listen going “Oh, snap” at the things to say, the best of the worst being, “Oh my gosh you must be joking me if you think that you’ll be poking me” in Shame for You as well as everything in the stop hitting on me song, Knock ‘Em Out. Plus she gets extra points for being to rhyme “al fresco” during LDN. Every once in a while some British slang seeps in, but unlike most other foreigners (Lady Sovereign), the way Allen delivers them, it more enduring than annoying like when she talks about the filth (cops), and feel free to insert your own Grey’s Anatomy joke regarding the line, “She looks in her bag, takes out a fag, tries to get away from the guy on a blag.”

What sets Allen apart from the long list of white girls ripping off black music (see Fergie, Gwen Stefani, their many copycats) is all in the delivery. Each lyric play off the music brilliantly, thanks in part to producer Mark Rondon. This isn’t more evident than on LDN that bounces along with happy horns and Allen singing “Sun is in the sky, oh why, oh why, would I wanna be anywhere else” in the chorus, but at heart, the verses deal with pimps, crack whores, and hooligans robbing old ladies. A close second is the brother bashing Alfie but the track is backed by an upbeat brass section that wouldn’t sound out of place in a musical.

Song to Download - LDN

Alright, Still gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.



Want to see what all the hype is about, be sure to check out Ms. Allen tomorrow on Saturday Night Live. Also with all my take about chicks with ugly looking bangs (see Public Service Announcement), if you want to see how bangs can look good on a woman, check out how Lily sports them.

Dearly Beloved, We Are Gathered Here Today

… 2 get through this thing called life. Electric word life, it means forever and that's a mighty long time but I’m here 2 tell u there’s something else… The afterworld. A world of never ending happiness, u can always see the sun, day or night. So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills, u know the one - Dr Everything Will Be Alright. Instead of asking him how much of your time is left, Ask him how much of your mind, baby. ‘Cuz in this life things are much harder than in the afterworld. In this life you're on your own. And if de-elevator tries 2 bring u down: Go crazy.

And with those lines starts the greatest movie soundtrack of all time. And unlike other soundtracks that cherry pick the best from multiple artists, the only one who wrote and preformed all the songs on the soundtrack to Purple Rain was Prince, along with The Revolution who get their first billing on the album, which is why it is this month’s induction to the Scooter Hall of Fame. Even over twenty after the fact, that opening, Let’s Go Crazy can kick start any party into high gear with its infectious beat and sing along lyrics. I Would Die 4 U which morphs effortlessly into Baby I’m a Star is another great dance track that is sometimes lost amidst all the classic songs on the album but still hold up to this day.

But without the classic tracks on the album, there is still one song that stands above the rest, be it this album or the broader range of eighties songs: When Doves Cry. The song actually does a much better time conveying the message of the movie in six minutes than the actual movie does itself. And you have not lived until you have heard my drunken karaoke version of When Doves Cry. The Beautiful Ones is in the same vein as When Doves Cry but instead of family the song deals more with other personal relationships but is just as funky as well as delivered in Prince’s trademark falsetto. Plus “the beautiful ones always seem to lose” is one of my favorite lines to quote. The album closes with the title track which doesn’t get the deserved credit of being one of the greatest epic songs of all time up there with Free Bird, Stairway to Heaven and November Rain.

Aside from being one of the best albums of all time, the Purple Rain Soundtrack is historic in a different way. You can thank it for the Parental Advisory stickers that sporadically pop up on album covers. As the legend goes, Tipper Gore, as in Al’s wife, and her young girls enjoyed Let’s Go Crazy that they kept on hearing on the radio, she decided to buy the album. Apparently Tipper didn’t like her young children hearing the opening line to Darling Nikki, “I knew a girl named Nikki I guess u could say she was a sex fiend. I met her in a hotel lobby (expletive deleted) with a magazine.” Instead of placing the blame on herself for being a horrible parent who didn’t fully monitor her children’s life, she instead got her senator husband to call a Congressional Hearing on the matter which led to the stickers. If only Tipper had listened to the song backward she would have heard the subliminal message, “Hello, how are you? I'm fine, ‘cause I know that the Lord is coming soon. Coming, coming soon” playing at the end of the song.

Prince will most likely be playing one or two songs from this album during the Super Bowl halftime show this weekend even though he said he was retiring his old hits a couple years back. I really doubt the Super Bowl committee signed him up to play the song from Happy Feet. Anyways, it is someone an odd choice to have Prince play considering I believe the last time CBS held the Super Bowl the term “wardrobe malfunction” was coined even though the first “wardrobe malfunction” I ever remember seeing on television was during Prince’s performance of Gett Off during the MTV Video Music Awards. Hopefully this time around he doesn’t have any holes in his pants.

I Like This Show, it’s Tawdry week 5

Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. Holy Madison Sinclair sighting! If you haven’t seen Poughkeepsie, Tramps, and Thieves, or you are like me and need to see it again, you can check out Veronica Mars two different ways; first you can download it at iTunes are stream it over at CWTV.com. For those that did see it, let’s start with the most important news of the week, the return of Madison Sinclair and boy has time not been good to her. Serious ladies, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the uber-bangs make you look horrible, just stop it.

But it wasn’t how bad she looked that made me have to scrap my jaw off the floor, no it was the revelation that she and Logan hooked up in Aspen. When she first showed up (and finally realized that it was her) I was fully expecting she was going to turn out to be a hooker. But the Logan thing was way more shocking. And even though we didn’t actually hear it this episode, it is safe to assume this is what Ronnie just can’t get past that was alluded to in last week’s promo. I really can’t blame her because if I were a chick I wouldn’t want to date someone who hooked up with someone that has both Dick and Lamb on her résumé. Granted having sex with Kendall while I was in the very next room would have been a deal breaker for me, but I’m silly like that.

The shocking return of Madison Sinclair aside, this episode possibly had the best one-liners ever when Dick was MIA. Yeah they laid on the Battlestar Galactica references a bit too much (I don’t speak geek, although I’m semi-fluent in nerd) but at least they ended the conversation with the best line of the night, “and then you frakked.” Then Lamb spotting Keith in his sheriff outfit was just another classic scene. And after Keith’s visit to the Lilth’s Girls I’m beginning to think that maybe who Dean said, “What are you doing here?” may not be the same person that killed him and he may have had multiple visitors that night.

As for the case of making the happy hooker not so happy, this was one of the better mysteries of the week and does good paralleling the Logan/Vee relationship where the dude was willing to look past her, um past, as long as she is truthful. And of course we know how that turned out. Plus the scene where Ronnie was searching for the hooker on the escort website with the friends was again classic Veronica. I wonder who the lucky writer that got to do the research for that scene was. But I was a little surprised that Vee seemed sad for the guy for spending all the money on the girl just for her to leave him when she knew that he got money from his term paper business though I loved their discussion about cheating for an Ethics class.

And to anyone who thinks that Ronnie is really pregnant: You, my sir, are a moron.

Love in the Time of War Is not Fair

It’s not even May yet but the best Mother’s Day present was just released today. And if you are a mother, I hate to spoil what you will be getting, but there is a good chance if you don’t get the standard bouquet or chocolates in four months, you will be unwrapping Not Too Late, the latest album from Norah Jones, to complete your set of the singer’s albums. The previous two of which sold an astounding thirty million copies and garnered her eight Grammy Awards solely on the strength of just one hit. Of course back in 2002 the slow jazz feel of Don’t Know Why was a breath of fresh air back hip-pop and pseudo-punk ruled the radio. Well maybe not that much has changed in the five years since.

Norah rarely deviates from her trademark, insomnia curing sound for most of the album. But there are some signs that she is breaking out of the mold and going back even deeper into Americana. My Dear Country does a much better job at making a speakeasy ditty than anything from the Outkast movie set in the same timeframe. Thanks to some cellos and bowed bass Sinkin’ Soon also has an old-time feel to it while at the same time sounding like it wouldn’t have been out of place on the latest Fiona Apple. Even though it still sounds more like her pervious work, The Sun Doesn’t Like You drives along like a summer afternoon. Well maybe drives Miss Daisy along like a summer afternoon.

The biggest change on the album though is that she has a writing credit on all thirteen tracks; for those keeping track that is six more than on her previous two albums combined. And from the lyrics it seems she’s not that happy with titles like The Sun Doesn’t like You, Not My Friend, and Broken. She’s not too happy about our government either as seen in the biting My Dear Country with lines like, “’Cause we believed in our candidate, but even more it’s the one we hate.” Is she talking about Bush? Kerry? Gore? Does it really matter because we always seem to lose either way? The song opens up with the irony that our elections are held not that far away from Halloween.

The war also gets mentioned as Jones plays the role of a consoler for a wife who has lost her husband in the opening track Wish I Could. With some of the political leaning in other songs it easy to assume that Sinkin’ Soon could be a metaphor about the botched post-Katrina cleanup effort. And again, choose your favorite scapegoat to play the captain in the line, “With a captain who's too proud to say that he dropped the oar.” Do we really need Norah Jones on a soapbox? Not really. But no one’s really paying attention to the lyrics anyways, so just put the album on and relax. Well until you pass the album onto your mother in May.

Song to Download - The Sun Doesn’t Like You

Not Too Late gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Don't Know About Friends but Partners, Definitely

So just how far down do you wanna go where we can talk it out over a cup of Joe and you can stare deep into my eyes like I was a Supermodel. Oops, that’s the opening to The Refreshments Banditos. That’s not to be confused with the little seen Bandidas. Of course the team of Salma Hayek and Penélope Cruz don’t really scream comedy gold. But oddly this buddy flick works being at the very least entertaining. Although this asks the question, if the two leads are female, should it instead be called a gal pal flick? Obviously the name “chick flick” is already taken for a different genre.

The film takes place in the turn of the century Mexico where an evil land baron (is there any other kind), played by Dwight Yoakam (Friday Night Lights, the movie not television show), is doing everything he needs to do get a railroad built across the country. He also did some nefarious deeds to get control of the local banks for us Yankees. Two of his targets include a farmer and the owner of various properties who both get shot by his hand. This leads the daughter of the farmer (Cruz) and property owner (Hayek) to rob the same bank in revenge not knowing the other had the same plan. But under the tutelage of famous bank robber Sam Shepard (The Notebook) they learn to trust each other (don’t they always).

With comedy not being their forte, the girls bring in Steve Zahn (Sahara) to play up the laughs as a clumsy but brilliant criminal investigator (is there any other kind) brought in by Yoakam to catch the Bandidas. Unfortunately Zahn is responcible for the only nude scene in the movie despite the massive amount of cleavage throughout. And it’s that cleavage that helps them take Zahn a hostage not as if any red blooded male wouldn’t willing go with Hayek and Cruz. Hilarity ensues, much of which is predictable and clichéd but the movie still is worth the time f you have an hour and a half to spare.

Bandidtas gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. IV

Quote of the Week: “Listen, I’m gonna break it down for you alright. If you switch over to my side I’ll give you my solemn word of honor I will have sex with you.” “I long to see the sunlight in your hair and tell you time and time again how much I care. Hello.” “Please, stop singing at me.” “Hello” (Rockefeller Butts trying to change the Token Hot Chick’s vote, Knights of Prosperity)

Song of the Week: One Week - Barenaked Ladies (Veronica Mars; see the scene below thanks to YouTube)




Big News of the Week: The Knights are on the move. Starting this week, ABC is switching the funniest new show of the season, Knights of Prosperity with According to Jim so be sure to turn in a half an hour earlier this Wednesday at 8:30 to see if the Knight get closer to robbing Mick Jagger. Unfortunately this conflicts with Friday Night Lights and Beauty and the Geek but all three are available for streaming on their respective websites so no excuses to miss any of them.

This week should be another instant classic when Eugene has to decide whether he will take one for the team when one of Jagger’s bodyguards comes on to him. I’m not sure if this will be a weekly occurrence but you can catch an extra episode this Tuesday at 9:30 featuring the one where the Token Hot Chick gets the guys some self defense training. And you can always check out the latest episodes of the show over at ABC.com.


Surreal Life Fame Games: I’m not sure what I find more disturbing: Brigitte Neilson hooking up with Chyna or Brigitte Neilson hooking up with Ron Jeremy.

How I Met Your Mother: I really didn’t like how they depicted Barney in the past couple week almost humanizing him, but it was nice to see the original Barney back this week.

Everybody Hates Chris: Chris hauling around an egg brought back some painful memories. Needless to say I failed. Luckily there aren’t any little Scooters running around… that I know of. Hopefully I don’t get a call from Montell or Maury anytime soon. Check out this episode at CWTV.com.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: After a week opening segment, the show gets back into fine form where it is hard to decide which storyline was the best this week, Jordan’s battle with the new VP of Illiterate Programming, Simon battling the new writer, Chandler battling to win the E-bay action, or Ed Asner battling the board. Granted I’m not entirely sure what he and Jack are up to with the Asian deal. Check out this episode over at NBC.com.

The (White) Rapper Show: I loved how the dude from Brand Nubian grilled Jon Brown on that silly Ghetto Revival crap. I guess when you are an entity you don’t need to fully think your catchphrases.

The State of the Union: I peeked in on it during the commercial breaks of Veronica Mars and I love how they show you the name when they do reaction in the crowd shot like it’s the Oscars. I’m just waiting for when one of the networks brings in Joan Rivers for a red carpet before one of these things because who doesn’t want to know where Nancy Pelosi got her pantsuit from.

Veronica Mars: Check out my thoughts of this week’s episode over at I Like This Show, it’s Tawdry week 4.

Friday Night Lights: After the opening scene of this episode, I’m ready to call the Taylor’s the best nuclear family on television. Then I don’t know what was funnier, when coach used the same motivational speech the radio host used or that his offensive coordinator loves that show. One of the great parts about this show is how each character, big or small, is pitch point, but after two episodes, Tyra’s mom is the one misstep. Also two weeks without Landry is two weeks too long. Check out this episode over at NBC.com.

Smallville: Mmm, a superhero who after hit with something then all of the sudden wakes up in a mental institute where the last five years was all a dream. Yeah this was a complete rip off of a season six episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And totally inferior as Normal Again was one of my favorite hours of television ever.


Pick of the Week: Super Bowl XLI - Sunday, 6:25 CBS - Chicago Bears, Indianapolis Colts, Prince at halftime, Billy Joel does the anthem, and the best commercials of the year including one moron who dropped $2.5 million to propose to his girlfriend during the game. If you are like me and want to make a day of it, Road to the Super Bowl starts at noon.

Born to Gaze into Night Skies

Garden State had to be a blessing and a curse for The Shins. On one hand you have Natalie Portman claiming the band’s song, New Slang, will change your life which is some pretty lofty praise. But on the other hand, it sets up almost unreachable expectations and failed to, at the very least, change my life. Although it has been three years since Portman’s declaration and four since the band has last put out an album and now is set for their biggest release Wincing the Night Away, a title that may come from singer and guitarist’s James Russell Mercer bouts with insomnia which could also be credited to being the inspiration for the opening track Sleeping Lessons.

Whereas most bands would have tried to go more mainstream after all the hoopla surrounding the exposure in Garden State, The Shins not only decided to stay with indie label Sub Pop instead of signing with a major label like many of their peers in recent years, but the ended up making an album more experimental then in the past. Wincing the Night Away is even darker at times than previous album too which, aside from the insomnia, could also have been inspired by Mercer’s house being robbed including the masters of New Slang. In a bit of irony, that song was licensed for a McDonald’s commercial, the money Mercer used to buy the house where the masters were stolen.

It’s not surprising that insomnia is a major inspiration for the album because it is at it’s best when you are listening to it at night with little light as the synthesizers pour over you while you teeter in half awake, half dream territory. The best here is the soothing Phantom Limb, the funky Sea Legs, and the closer A Comet Appears which is the most stripped down song here and a good way to end the album. But don’t expect any song on Wincing the Night Away to change your life, unless you are on whatever drugs Natalie Portman’s character was on during the Garden State.

Song to Download - A Comet Appears

Wincing the Night Away gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Come Fly Away with Me

Every once in a while I get contacted by major marketing companies that sends along some cool news and has even lead to some cool opportunities like giving away a Knights of Prosperity t-shirt to one of you. The latest is for a DVD that comes out next week, January 30th, Flyboys. I don't ever recalling hearing about this movie before, maybe it's a straight to video type deals, but the movie looks right up my alley as I am a big history buff especially when it comes to war movies. Here is the product description, "Inspired by the true story of the legendary Lafayette Escadrille, this action-packed epic tells the tale of America's first fighter pilots. These courageous young men distinguish themselves in a manner that none before them had dared, becoming true heroes who experience triumph, tragedy, love, and loss amid the chaos of World War I. Hang on for the ride of your life!" To commemorate the release of the DVD, they are running a cool contest:

Win the chance to fly in a real air-to-air combat scenario with Air Combat USA! Submit video content, photos or written stories to our special Flyboys MySpace Group!

- Show your respect and appreciation to our American Veterans by submitting photos, uplifting stories (written or video testimonials) to the Flyboys MySpace Group. Highlight your own personal experience, a friend, or a family member who is a Veteran or current service person.

- Eugene Bullard, made history in the Lafayette Flying Corps as the first African-American aviator. As a part of Black History Month, submit written stories, video testimonials, and pictures of how African American leaders (or moments in African American History) have affected or shaped your life.

- Do you know a volunteer who makes a difference in your community (fire fighters, red cross volunteers, etc)? Tell us their story in either in written or video format and why they should be honored.


To learn more about the movie an other contests check the Flyboys Official Online Team. Below are some stills from the movie:

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

Okay, the title is a little sarcastic because I fully believe that it should only snow on December 24th, two to three inches, and melt by the 26th. Instead it was snowing when I woke up today and the ground was already completely white and it rarely stopped all day netting about five inches so far with a chance of more to come. Yippee. Shoveling today made it twice for this winter which was the exact amount I did the last two winters. What happened to this global warming that Al Gore went on and on about? Do I need to buy a bigger SUV to keep it from snowing again? Should I shell out for a Hummer?

What’s worse that actually looking out your window while the snow piles up is driving through it. I though I would be saved from having to trek all the way out to class tonight because all the snow but the cancellation didn’t come. Is there a worse feeling then hearing all the school closings and yours is the only one missing? I remember in grade school our superintendent had his own snow plow so he would refuse to close down our school system. One time we were out at the bus stop after every other school had closed and he actually drove by with his plow and said school was just going to be delayed one hour while he finished plowing.

But back to driving in the snow, I know all you Sammy Hagars out there can’t drive 55 but when visibility is less than a hundred yards could you please avoid weaving threw traffic like you were part of the Turn Left Only Circuit at Daytona on a clear day in the summer? Seriously, if you have a death wish can you please just put the shotgun in your mouth so you don’t take any innocent bystanders with you? Because instead of getting to your destination a whole two and a half minutes early what you actually end up doing is make everyone behind you late after you bring the traffic to a halt while the police scrap the remains of your car off the highway divider.

There are reasons why the government set speed limits the way they do and it’s not solely to spite you because you are too lazy to leave on time. If you have a lead foot you need something to take your mind off needing to break the law, you can always try listening to Have You Ever Been Mellow, look how well it worked for Dean O’Dell. Personally with all the driving I’ll be doing the next couple months I plan on passing the time listening to my main CD collection, which is already alphabetically ordered, all the way through. After two weeks I have been threw eight albums and is up to the self titled Audioslave album. Maybe I’ll give a prize to anyone who can guess the eight albums I have already listened to. Just a hint, I don’t have any Greatest Hits, Soundtracks, Live albums, or Compilations in my main collection.

Oh and by prize, I mean a pat on the back. And by pat on the back I mean a virtual pat on the back.

I Like This Show, it’s Tawdry week 4

Wow, now that was an exciting State of the Union speech. Just kidding, of course I was watching the new episode of Veronica Mars. Although I did flip over during commercials and was I smoking something illegal or was that Dikembe Mutombo sitting next to Laura Bush? That’s pretty random. But back to show that didn’t give you that creepy feeling that if anything were to happen to George Bush or Dick Cheney that Nancy Pelosi would be the president, Veronica Mars. If you missed the episode, head over to CWTV.com where you can stream the episode for free or hop over to iTunes where you can download it. While over at iTunes, check out the Official Veronica Mars Podcast to hear who was supposed to be the “Meat Is Murder” rocker and why the monkey (as in “Touch My…”) looked so familiar from the writers of the episode.

So six week have gone by in Neptune also and Lamb in Lamb fashion was quickly ruled Dean O’Dell’s death a suicide because, well, it’s more work if you have to track down a killer. And how nice of his widow to decide to find out if it was really a suicide not right away, but after realizing she was going to run out of money fast since life insurance doesn’t cover suicide. Of course the bottle of Scotch that the Dean was adamant about saving remained unopened leading Keith to take the case. Although this brings up the question; since the case was closed a couple weeks ago, why is the Dean’s office untouched?

But this episode really wasn’t about the Dean’s death, no, it was more about mocking our lovely neighbors to the north. It’s great to know in a time of political correctness and when someone says something stupid, equally stupid people come out in droves calling for their firing that it is still perfectly okay to make fun of Canadians, eh? I had the watch the scene again people I was laughing way to hard when Ronnie fired up the Barenaked Ladies and the subsequence dance by the girls. Although I was a little disappointed that back in my college years that I never thought aboot picking Canada for the Around the World; put on some Barenaked Ladies, have some Molson on ice and the latest NHL game for the Playstation all while wearing a hockey jersey.

Equally as entertaining was Dick’s idea of a good time even if it brought back memories of random dude’s junk appearing on my camera back in college. This episode actually brought up even more bad memories for me most notably Piz’s soliloquy to Ronnie that inspired her to go back to Logan even though everybody but Ronnie knew it was about her. I don’t even want to count how many times my speechifying moved a girl to hook up wit a dude that wasn’t me. Also bringing back bad memories was when the plant lady complained about the temperature and said, “If you wanted to see my nipples you should just ask” prompting the dude to raise his hand only for the chick to ignore him. Again, that type of exchanged has happened way too many time. Ladies if you offer, you have to come threw with your threat.

Speaking of Vee running back to Logan, may I point out; Vee with uber-bangs, Logan breaks up with her; Vee without uber-bangs, Logan takes her back. Not a coincidence. On more of this phenomenon, check out my Public Service Announcement. But hopefully this getting back together stuff doesn’t last long because Dick is right about Logan when he is with Ronnie, personally I prefer my Logan as an obligatory psychotic jackass. Will hookers be the final straw for Ronnie; or now that Ronnie seems to figure out what Piz’s speech was really about she will finally ditch Logan for good. Whatever the reason, hopefully it happens. Those two characters are much more entertaining apart.


My Way out Theory of the Week: Professor Landry did it. This is way out there in that it is too obvious. Maybe this mystery will be less about who did it like previous one, but instead how they did it and got away with it. I’m really rooting for this after the scene with Landry and Keith in the bar where Keith tried to get some sort of confession while Landry just swatted him like a fly. Them playing this cat and mouse game for the next couple episodes could be more entertaining than your usual who-done-it style.

I Like My Heroes to Be Honest and Strong

Long before Puff Daddy morphed into Diddy with forty name changes in-between, there was Johnny Cougar who is better known today as John Mellencamp. Unlike Puffy, who name changes may be to avoid being associated with his last failure of and album, Mellencamp had to do with shady management and shadier record companies. Throughout the eighties, Mellencamp played second fiddle to Bruce Springsteen when it came for being a voice for the working class and much like The Boss he is still around giving a voice to Middle America.

During the eighties, Mellencamp built his following looking at the underbelly of Reaganomics with anthems like Pink Houses releasing five albums during his presidency. Things have gotten much worse during the Bush era but Mellencamp has been conspicuously absent during the time taking his longest break between records, so there is plenty of material for Mellencamp on his latest album, and first since 2001, Freedom’s Road.

Undoubtedly you have heard the first single from the album and if you watch football I’m sure you are sick of My Country already. Luckily the song it stuck near the end of the album song you are already immersed in it and the song almost sounds fresh again. The rest of the album is much like My Country in that it isn’t overtly political so the songs don’t sound preachy, but if you want to be preached all you have to do is listen closely to the lyrics. Mellencamp saves his most biting commentary for the hidden track Rodeo Clown, but the drunken pool hall sing-a-long may even have the most ardent Bush backers humming along.

That’s not to say the album is even close to perfect, most notably The Americans with it’s overtly simplistic and patriotic lyrics sounds like something that was written by a fifth grader, well or Toby Keith. Aside from The Americans, the rest of Freedom’s Road spends its time giving mention to things that have gone unmentioned for way too long. Ghost Towns Along the Highway deals with the vanishing small towns across the nation. The title track reminds us that sometime people hide behind the word Freedom. Jim Crow, a duet with Joan Baez, is how racism has changed in post 9/11 America. Then Rural Road is a sad story about drugs, abduction, and murder in a small town and how the press deals with it all. Hopefully Mellencamp doesn’t wait as long for his next album as there are only two years left in this administration. Granted there is always Jeb ’08.

Song to Download - Ghost Towns Along the Highway

Freedom’s Road gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Didn’t Come Here Looking for Trouble; I Just Came to Do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Before I wax poetic about the Super Bowl match up, I would like all of you to check out this post: Are You Ready for Some Football 2006 and scroll down to bottom. Okay for those who are too lazy, the post from back in September I predicted a Colts vs. Bears Super Bowl. So suck it Line Junkie and everyone else who laughed at me for picking Chicago or told me Peyton Manning couldn’t win the big game, which is one of the worst sports superlatives; it’s not that someone can’t win a big game, it is just someone else beat them. But enough of the gloating.

Of course now we have to wait eight weeks until they actually play the championship game, wait, what’s that? It is only college football that waits two months after the regular season to play the championship game. Sorry. Granted two weeks it kind of a wait in itself especially considering I’ll stop caring about the game by Thursday at the latest and will be anticipating the commercials more than the game. Although my interest may be extended a couple days if the Chicago Bears remake the Super Bowl Shuffle. Seriously, who doesn’t want to see Rex Grossman don a headband and try rapping? And really no one could be worse than The Fridge (of course the video is on YouTube, scroll down to the bottom of the post to see it). And is it basically a lock to see George Wendt on Saturday Night Live in two weeks? So before I stop caring, here’s my pick, and since I had them in the preseason, I’ll stay with Indianapolis 27-12 over Chicago.

However the close the game is, and they rarely are, the game can’t be as close as the championship game for my fantasy football league where I lost by half a point. What only added to the agony was that vaunted Cincinnati wide receiver Chad Johnson netted me negative one fantasy points in the finale. So had I just sat him and had and empty slot at the position I would be champion.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. III

Quote of the Week: “Last week I had a gang-banger tagging a dumpster. T looked so real the rival gang came in and shot him again.” (John Waters as a funeral director on My Name Is Earl)

Song of the Week: Humpty Dance (My Name Is Earl)

Big News of the Week: Stream the latest episodes of Veronica Mars, Everybody Hates Chris, Beauty and the Geek, Supernatural, Girlfriends, All of Us, The Game and One Tree Hill over at CWTV.com. Right now you can watch the last three or four episodes of the shows. The latest episodes will be up the day after it airs.

I gave the viewer a test drive and it’s much better than say ABC.com (which I routinely have problems with). The video can go larger than ABC or NBC but not complete full screen like CBS’s Innertube. It says that the video quality is near HDTV but my monitor isn’t so I really can’t tell but overall it is one of the best video experience on the web from the one video I watched.. And unlike the big three there are not even limited commercial breaks (yet).


I’m From Rolling Stone: I never knew that Wait (The Whisper Song) by the Ying Tang Twins was available in karaoke version. I’ll have to check out if old school misogynistic songs are know available because what group of guys wouldn’t like jumping onstage to give a rousing drunken rendition of Automobile.

Beauty and the Geek: A sad week as not only did Misfit get the boot on The (White) Rapper Show but Andrea Ciliberti didn’t survive the elimination round this week. Cue up It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday. And with her exit, Friday Night Lights is back to the must see show at that timeslot.

Let's Rob Mick Jagger: If I were to pick a theme song for my crime syndicate, I’d go with Take the Money in Run, not only is it a much better song than Tom Sawyer it has the built in hand claps that can help in building team unity.

Smallville: Even though he was The Flash Impulse first, it’s hard to see Beaver Casablancas as a good guy. And what was up with the medieval hairdo? Well he was recruited by a Robin Hood wannabe. After this episode I’m ready for the end of Smallville and a Justice League spin-off. Get rid of Martha, Lionel, and Lois, move Lex and Lana to recurring and keep the Clark, Green Arrow, Cyborg, Auqaman, Impulse, with Chloe holding down the fort at headquarters.

My Name Is Earl: John Waters as a funeral director may have been the best stunt casting of the year. Every one of his lines had me cracking up. Though an Honorable mention to Randy’s, “I’ve never had a legal massage before. What’s the point; it’s like drinking non-alcoholic beer.”

Pick of the Week: Veronica Mars, 9:00 Tuesday, The CW: After around two months of waiting Mars Investigation dives into the Dean O’Dell murder investigation. Personally I can’t wait to see Lamb’s reaction to the Dean’s murder mirrors a certain “Plan a Perfect Murder” paper (It’s safe to assume that that is how the Dean was killed and Ronnie wrote that paper, right?). Since this is the start of the new mystery arc, anyone can jump right in with little confusion. And since there is absolutely nothing else on against it (The State of the union will be broadcast on all the other stations, and since he spoke just last week, there won’t be anything new to say), might as well give Veronica Mars a try. Extra reason for all the dudes to watch; the possibility of Veronica getting naked as seen in this clip from the episode:




Promo of the Week: Of course it coincides with the Pick of the Week, a little more to wet your Veronica Mars appetite, really how can you go wrong with seduction, shame, and scandal?:

Public Service Announcement

Ladies and gentlemen, well, mostly this is for you ladies out there, there is a grown problem that has been plaguing our nation in recent months: chicks with uber-bangs. Some once hot chicks have for some reason have got caught spotting this trend and have become instantly unattractive. Recent causalities include:


Alicia Keys




The Asian Chick From Lost




Reece Witherpoon




and even Kristen Bell




In fact I was recently talking to my mother about the midseason finale of Veronica Mars and she told me, “I know why Logan broke up with Veronica.” Why? “Her new haircut.” Yes ladies, sporting bangs like these are break-up-able offence. So don’t do it. And it’s not even hot chick that are doing it, some ugly chicks have been seen sporting theuber-bangs but only look uglier than they did before much like:


Gwen Stefani




as well as the very manish Fergie




Somehow even newcomers have gotten jobs with this horrible trend much like:


Coach Taylor's Kid




and Jennylee from Beauty and the Geek



I’m not entirely sure where the trend started, all I know that it needs to stop now. If I wanted to look at chicks with bangs, I’d open up my Middle School yearbook. If you look in the mirror and cannot see your either of your eyebrows, it is time to try something different. If you were thinking of emulating one of your favorite stars that are doing it, don’t. Seriously ladies, dudes don’t like the look, other females are mocking you, and it’s time to put an end to the uber-bangs and only you can stop it. This has been a public service announcement from Scooter McGavin.

Record People Are Shady VII: Winter Preview Edition

It was a month ago today when I last posted an album review for Hip Hop Is Dead from Nas, and it will still be a couple of days until I publish my first review of the year with the first album in five years from John Mellencamp, Freedom’s Road sometime next week. As it has been for the last couple years, the record business placed all its eggs in one basket releasing all there big name albums within two months before Christmas while releasing very little in the first quarter of the year. This of course has lead to record lows for record companies including this week where the Dreamgirls Soundtrack broke the record for the least amount sold for a number one album on the Billboard charts with just 66,000 albums sold breaking the low record that is only three years old by Outkast’s Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, which was also set in January of that year. And I won’t be surprised if that record is broken next week as there were no big titles released last week.

Of course this is all because the music industry is the worst run industry in America (well, it’s neck and neck with the airlines). All they have to do is look in the past to cure the winter sales blues. Like in January 1992 where Nirvana shot to number one with their debut Nevermind when all the teenagers traded in Michael Jackson’s Dangerous that they got for Christmas for the new band their parents never heard of at the time. But instead, this year in the three Tuesdays since Christmas we have gotten nothing. Luckily things will start to pick up a little nest week with Mellencamp’s album as well a new album from the band that was supposed to change my life (but didn’t), The Shins.

The record sales will get a big boost at the end of the month with the latest from Norah Jones who has already sold 24 million albums in her career. Also out that week will be the debut of karaoke loser Katharine McPhee who will most likely have a decent first week before heading of to obscurity or The Surreal Life house. But while moms across the country will be picking up those two albums all us cool hipsters will be picking up British sensation Lily Allen’s first album, Alright, Still. Here a complete run down of winter releases (dates subject to change):

January 23
Freedom’s Road - John Mellencamp
Wincing the Night Away - The Shins

January 31
Alright, Still - Lily Allen
Never Too Late - Norah Jones
Katherine McPhee - Katherine McPhee
Oh, My Nola - Harry Connick Jr.

February 6
Infidelity on High - Fall Out Boy
Headstrong - Ashley Tisdale (A High School Musical alum)


Nothing really worth mentioning past early February that this set in stone but you also expect albums to be released by spring from Joss Stone, The White Stripes, Maroon 5, Arctic Monkeys, Avril Lavigne, as well as a solo outing from Chris Cornell which I hear will feature a cover of Billie Jean. Oh and Chinese Democracy by Guns n’ Roses is supposedly going to be released March 6th. But don’t expect new albums from marquee names like Dr. Dre, Green Day, Kanye West, and U2 until late 2007. Feel free to drop me a line in the comment section if there is anything I missed that you are looking forward to coming out this winter.

Technology Can Be Scary

Recently the good people over at Give Me My Remote asked me about some latest technology and I had to laugh a little because I’m the last person you want to ask about the newest gadgets, or even older ones. I’m not cool enough to own a Tivo, my camera still uses film, and if it weren’t for my Playstation 2 I probably wouldn’t own a DVD player yet. My cell phone is only that, a phone, no games, internet or cool ringtones, not that I use it anyways, I don’t think anyone outside of my mother knows my number. And long time readers may be surprised that the music fan that I am, I may have been the last person in the middle class to get a CD player and only did so because record stores stopped stocking cassette tapes of the latest releases. I didn’t get an iPod until around the fifth generation and I still have yet to upgrade to a surround sound system. I even am typing this with a desktop computer while browsing the internets with Internet Explorer.

With my low-fi life there were plenty of things that went over my head with the technology gone wrong thriller Pulse. The movie stars Kristen Bell (Pooty Tang) whose computer wiz ex-boyfriend has seemed to fall of the face of the Earth. Unlike most ex’s, Bell seems to be worried when her ex stops calling which prompts her to pay him a visit only to see him swinging from the ceiling of his apartment. Although the next day her and her friends, including Horshack from Veronica Mars and singer Christina Milian, all get an IM from the dude.

This leads Bell to Ian Somerhalder (The Rules of Attraction) who knows his way around a computer himself and theorizes that the dead dude opened some frequency to the beyond wehre all the spirits want to suck the life out of the living. Why? Who knows. But wherever there is a wireless connection, there they will be, well except if you have red tape. Why red tape? Who knows. And there is the problem with the movie is there are way too many plot holes add to that the death are uninspired and of course there are plenty of gadgets that I have no clue what they do so they take me out of the movie.

The one saving grace is Bell who almost makes you believe the things on the screen are actually scary. But it’s a bad sign when the most entertaining thing on a DVD is a trailer for another movie, in this case Fan Boys, which also happens to star Bell.

Pulse gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Win a Knights of Prosperity T-Shirt - Sticky

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Check out this post: 57 Channels and Only This Is On, for your chance to win your very own official Knights of Prosperity t-shirt as seen worn by the cast at right. Want more chances to win Knights of Prosperity swag? Swing over to Ducky’s brand new website to win the contest he's running. And don’t forget to watch Knights of Prosperity Wednesdays at 9:00. Or you can stream the latest episode at ABC.com.