Lyrics Quiz: Wussiest Songs Ever

A couple weeks ago I brought to you a list of Blender’s 25 Biggest Wusses and now another publication has gone even further by listing the 111 Wussiest Songs Ever. I’m not sure what it says about me, but of the 111, forty of them could be found on my iPod (one of which I can even play on the piano, two bonus points to anyone who guesses that correctly), although I don’t have number one, Shiny Happy People even though I do have that REM album.. So I whittled those down to twenty-five for this month’s lyrics quiz. Now I won’t give you a link to that list as it would make things easier (but once all the songs have been guessed I will) and if you have come across this list, please don’t reference it to help yourself. Also please don’t use search engines as you don’t actually win anything, just pick your own brain (or a brain of a friend if you want). As always, put both the song title and artist in the comment section and if you are right, I will un-bold the song and give you credit. Be sure to come back later if you want the link to see the complete 111 song. Now onto the quiz:

As I mentioned in the paragraph above, the songs were compiled from a list, well here's the list and you are more than welcome to look at it to help you in answering the remaining songs, 111 Wussiest Songs of All Time.


1. But I wonder does he know, has he ever felt like this and I know that you’d be here right now if I could have let you know somehow. (Every Rose Has its Thorn - Poison; guessed by Dane Bramage)
2. I’ll bring fire in the winters; you’ll send showers in the spring. (Longer - Dan Folelburg; guessed by Dane Bramage)
3. If its love you want from me, then take it away. Everything’s not what you see, it’s over today. (Do You Really Want to Hurt Me - Culture Club; guessed by Katy)
4. You know just what to say and you know just what to do, and I want to tell you so much, I love you. (Hello - Lionel Richie; guessed by Monique)
5. No matter the distance I want you to know that deep down inside of me you are my fire. (I Want it That Way - Backstreet Boys; guessed by Mel)
6. See I was on the verge of breaking down sometime silence can seem so loud. (I Believe I Can Fly - R. Kelly; guessed by MC)
7. I wonder how we can survive this moment but in the end if I’m with you I’ll take the chance. (Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx; guessed by Mel who also got the bonus question correct)
8. There’s something about the way the hair falls in your face, I love the shape you take while crawling towards the pillowcase. (Your Body Is a Wonderland - John Mayer; guessed by MC)
9. I wish I could carry your smile in my heart for times when my life seems so low, you make me believe what tomorrow could bring when today doesn’t really know. (All Out of Love - Air Supply; guessed by Monique)
10. Only a man in a phony red sheet looking for special things inside of me. (Superman (It Ain't Easy) - Five for Fighting; fuessed by MC)
11. What would you say if I took those words away, then you couldn’t make things new just by saying “I love you.” (More than Words - Extreme; guessed by MC)
12. I used to think maybe you loved me now baby I’m sure. (Walking on Sunshine - Katrina nd the Waves; guessed by Dane Bramage)
13. Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime and never let go until we’re gone. (My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion; guessed by Dane Bramage)
14. I still can’t believe you’re gone, give anything to hear half you’re breath I know you’re still living you’re life after death. (I'll Be Missing You - Puff Daddy; guessed by MB)
15. I’m trying hard to figure out just how I ever did without the warmth of your smile, the heart of a child that’s deep inside, it keeps me purified. (God Must Have Spent a Little More Time On You - *NSYNC; guessed by Dane Bramage)
16. People can be so cold. They’ll hurt you and desert you, they’ll take your soul if you let them, but don’t you let them. (You Got a Friend - James Taylor; guessed by Dane Bramage)
17. I had to settle down, now I’m playing it real straight and yes I cut my hair. (Hip to be Square - Huey Lewis and the News; guessed by Natsthename)
18. Need to know that you will always be the same old someone that I knew. What will it take for you to believe in me the way I believe in you. (Just the Way You Are - Billy Joel; guessed by RHCP)
19. There’s no love like your love, and no other could give more love, there’s nowhere unless you’re there, all the time, all the way. ((Everything I Do) I Do it For You - Bryan Adams; guessed by MC)
20. You sing a sad song just to turn it around. (Bad Day - Daniel Powder; guessed by Lisa)
21. Sweet Freedom whispered in my ear, “You’re a butterfly and butterflies are free to fly; fly away, high away, bye-bye.” (Someone Saved My Soul Tonight - Elton John; guessed by Dane Bramage)
22. Hold on little girl, show me he’s done to you, stand up little girl, a broken heart can’t be that bad. (To Be with You - Mr. Big; guessed by Lisa)
23. She was there through my incarceration; I wanna show the world my appreciation. (Angel - Shaggy; guessed by RHCP)
24. I’m standing on the edge of time; I’ve walked away when love was mine. Caught up in a world of uphill climbing, tears are in my eyes and nothing is rhyming. (Mandy - Barry Manilow; guessed by Dane Bramage)
25. Would you run and never look back? Would you cry if you saw me crying? Would you save my soul tonight? (Hero - Enrique Iglesias; guessed by Mel)



Also for those who are interested, my sister site, Scooter McGavin Takes Pictures has a press release on the latest season of America's Next Top Model, so check that out to see the names of this year's girls and a group picture.

It’s a Superhero’s Welcome When You Finally Come Back Down

In a story I broke yesterday, this blog hit the big 5-0-0 and in the year and a half I’ve been doing music reviews there has seemed to be a resurgence of mid-nineties frat rock as in that time I have reviewed albums by Better Than Erza, Hootie and the Blowfish, Spin Doctors, Live, Oasis, and Blues Traveler as well another mainstay of the time Jewel (click the band’s name to go to my reviews). Well it hasn’t been that much of a resurgence because none of the bands seem to make much of a dent on the radio aside from a minor hit from BTE. Next up to try to revive their nineties dominance is the reunited Gin Blossoms with their new album Major Lodge Victory. Now if only we can get Toad the Wet Sprocket and the Refreshments back together and I’ll feel right back in high school.

Now of all the bands listed above, I’d put Gin Blossoms at the bottom of the list and really I’d only put them above Matchbox Twenty from that time period although I seemed to amass a few of their earlier albums. When it comes down to it they were able to write a bunch of good songs, but they were lacking that one great song that I could latch onto. I’m sure we can easily list our favorite song from the other bands but how many can do that for the Gin Blossoms? Didn’t think so. (For the record, I’d go with Until I Fall Away).

It’s much of the same on Major Lodge Victory with a bunch of good songs, but nothing great. But that’s actually an improvement above some of the over nineties refugee’s latest who struggled to even write a good song. Whereas those bands can’t seem to find their signature sound anymore, the Gin Blossoms’ latest album southern rock with a modern twist sounds like it was a lost album that could have been released between New Miserable Experience and Congratulations… I’m Sorry.

Half of the songs here could have found its way onto the radio a decade ago with their breezy, laid back rock much like Learning the Hard Way or Someday Soon, but unfortunately you have to have a reality show to get on the radio these days. End of the World is a decent mid-tempo song they mastered earlier in their career. The band even expands on that sound as Come on Hard has a cool overlapping vocal in the middle of the song. Super Girl is where the band expands the most with a chorus that can easily get stuck in your head.

That’s not to say the album is perfect. Heart Shaped Locket is kind of cheesy with it’s lyrics about Cleopatra and Sandra Dee. Let’s Play Two sounds like it was commissioned by a minor league team and the band didn’t bother to put much time on it because it was for a couple hundred fans in Duluth. Jet Black Sunrise is a slow song that just gets boring after a while; in fact the last couple songs just fall flat. But when it comes down to it, if you never like the Gin Blossoms, this won’t be the album to change your mind, but if you find yourself hoping for a third volume of I Love the 90’s so you can here Hal Sparks wax poetic on Hey Jealousy, then you should pick up this album. (Did VH1 really skip over them or am I having a brain freeze and forgot the segment?)

Song to Download - Super Girl

Major Lounge Victory gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

The Big 5-0-0

This post you are reading marks the 500th post here at the 9th Green. Yippie. I really don’t have anything to celebrate the occasion even though I realized I was coming up on the milestone over a month ago. And in lieu of cards, presents, or money, really all I ask of you the reader is to take three minutes out of your day and watch the video below courtesy of YouTube. If you venture the blogs I do, no doubt you have seen it already, but this promo is more for people who haven’t seen the show the video promote. So everyone please give it a watch. And for those keeping track at home, the song in the second half is The Killers All These Things That I've Done.




Okay, I do have a small, but very cool announcement; “Weird Al” Yankovic has a new album coming out next month. Pre-order your copy of Straight Outta Lynwood from Amazon below. I’m a little worried about the quality considering he had to reference an almost two decade old record. But as long there is a polka or two on it, I’ll be happy. There is no track list yet but expect parodies of Chamillionaire, Green Day, Usher, R. Kelly (I’m not sure he can top Dave Chappelle’s parody, link definitely not safe for work) as well as some karaoke winner and the duel disk also contains six new music videos. One parody you won’t here is one of James Blunt, but you can still download it from Weird Al’s website. Oh, and if you really, really want to congratulate me by sending gifts or money, I guess there is really no way foe me to stop you.

Scooter Update: It just came to my attention after watching the latest episode of Flavor of Love that season one of the show will be available on August uncensored so you at home can watch the spit seen round the world in crystal DVD imaging rather than watch the grainy YouTube version (again link not safe for work or for people with class). “Weird Al” and Flavor Flav: what more can a man ask for? (And yes both are on my wishlist over at Amazon.)

First Impressions: Three Moons Over Milford

Where the music industry fail at every turn when it comes to the internet, television on the other hand seems to get everything right. And no one is above the curve more than ABC. They were the first to put up their shows on iTunes and also were one of the first to give viewers the ability to stream shows for free after they aired with very little commercial interruption. They have also been out in front promoting their cable outlet ABC Family last month giving people a chance to download their new series Kyle XY (which I skipped on account that the no belly button dude creeped me out) for free and continued that trend with its latest series Three Moons Over Milford (click image above to download it yourself). Much like The Amazing Screw-On Head (see my First Impression), I probable would have never scene the show had it not been available on the internet. Now if only the music companies would take note and stop suing people and make the music more accessible not less.

Three Moons Over Milford focus on a small town in Vermont where all the townspeople think it’s the end of the world as they know it (and they don’t feel fine) after an asteroid hits the moon splitting it into three segments, one of which is forecasted to hit squarely on the town sometime in the future, when no one is really for sure. Most specifically, the show centers around a family in the small town whose post-moon split was affected the most when the patriarch, some big science dude with a major company, decides to spend out the rest of his days in a teepee. A very high tech teepee. It’s not very clear if he and his wife, played by Elizabeth McGovern (She’s Having a Baby), got a divorce because of the spilt and I’m not sure if the townspeople know either as one asked if he should call her Ms. or Mrs. (she did reply Mrs.).

The kids in the family seem to be spiraling out of control with the eldest just getting his license and he wants to make the most of what may be his short life. This includes getting involved with a worker at his dad’s company who was most likely in high school when he was born, not that she knows this as he lies to her and tells her that he was in college (keep in mind this is airing on ABC Family). The there is the younger daughter who turns to witchcraft (keep in mind this is ABC Family) in hopes to put the moon back together, but things don’t go well for the novice. Rounding out the cast is the resident lawyer/plumber (which isn’t as cool as Ed’s layer/bowling ally combo) played by Rob Bolton (nothing you would know) and Saturday Night Live veteran Nora Dunn as a ruthless real estate agent, and surprisingly business is boom despite the whole end of the world thing.

Despite the interesting concept of people facing the end of the world (beating out the CBS the end is near show Jericho by a couple weeks), at heart it’s still a small town dramedy, but unlike similar shows like Northern Exposure, Everwood, Gilmore Girls, and the previously mentioned Ed, there is a sever lack of quirky characters to play off the straight lead. Also there is something to be said about the show being on ABC Family with it’s un-family like storylines like statutory rape, Wicca’s, and the occasional swear word. Ever since ABC took over the channel from Fox, they have treated it more like a secondary channel outlet than an alternative for families. Seriously, what family sits down to watch The Bachelor marathon? But when it comes down to it, Three Moons Over Milford is too edgy for families, but really not edgy enough for regular viewers.

Verdict: There is a possibility that the show could get better, but unless it continues to be free to download at my convenience, it’s not something to go out of your way to watch. Three Moons Over Milford airs Sundays at 8:00.

I’ll Sing this Song and All My Friends Will Sing Along

Most people will know Nina Gordon by the nineties alternative band Veruca Salt. But much like the other female led alt-girl bands of the era (think The Breeders) I really didn’t care for them and didn’t mind that they went back into obscurity as quickly as they escaped it (although I did like Belly). But after leaving the band, Gordon drifted more into the silly named adult alternative genre and released one of my favorite songs of 2000 with Tonight and the Rest of My Life (coming in at number eighteen in my end of the year list) that feature a more mature artist that got rid of the bratty persona that her former band was named after (think Willy Wonka). But that was six years ago and now Gordon is back with her sophomore effort Bleeding Heart Graffiti.

It’s easy to compare Nina Gordon to Liz Phair as both were indie-rock chicks who have morphed themselves into more of a pop/rock acts, but where Phair has started to come off as an older version of Avril Lavigne or a better singing Ashlee Simpson which means more catchy songs but tend to be disposable, Gordon has transitioned herself more gracefully as her music is accessible without losing any integrity like an Americanize version of Sarah McLachlan. Bleeding Heart Graffiti is an album in every sense of the word with the mood setting intro of the title track all the way to the short outro of The Crickets Sound like Sleigh Bells which really isn’t a holiday song much like Christmas Lights early on the album.

There are plenty of stand out tracks here like the previously mention Christmas Lights that hits all the right notes and when she sings the line, “Tonight I’ll sing out as loud as I can like a die hard fan for my favorite band, loud as I can,” you want to be there stand right beside her. The vulnerability in Gordon’s voice on Don’t Let Me Down can melt your heart. The song Turn on Your Radio is exactly what you should do with this song if you ever find yourself driving on a country road at night in the summer time. It also doubles as a great post-break up song with lyrics like, “I wanna write a song that will break your heart.” The guitars that start off and end When You Don’t Want Me Anymore have a cool Baby I’m Amazed feel to them. Bones and a Name starts as a slow moving introspective acoustic song that builds and builds only to be brought back down to the bridge and crescendos again for the end of the song.

There are a few songs though that are skipable. It may be the chauvinist pig in me, but Suffragette (much like The Man Show dudes, I think we should put an end to the suffrage) just didn’t do for as it seemed a little too poppy for me. Pure is a little sappy, but the track does finish up strong with its overlapping vocals. But even though nothing on this album as good as Tonight and the Rest of My Life (there is an acoustic version of the song on the iTunes version of Bleeding Heart Graffiti), there are plenty good songs that much the album worth listening to.

Song to Download - Bones and a Name

Bleeding Heart Graffiti gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Wait, Why Do I Get the Girl Gun?

The movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith will always be remembered more for what happened off the set with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie then what happened on screen. But since this blog doesn’t deal with salacious news, I won’t comment on any off the off screen happenings or the irony that the movie that stared Jennifer Aniston’s future ex-husband also featured future (alleged) husband. Nope, not gonna talk about that kind of stuff.

The plot features something I’m sure more than a few people can relate to with a married couple in a stale marriage that is filled with lies, except their lies are a lot bigger than most couples in that they both are hired assassins. In the beginning we spend some time watching their mundane lives which is, well mundane to watch. I know I said this when I reviewed The Matador (see my review - Oh, So Now Killing People is a Good Time), but movies about assassins should never be boring at any point. Seriously, is it that hard when you run into a down spot to just randomly have a cut scene with some dude getting off-ed in some creative way?

Another problem early in the film was the introduction of the Adam Brody from The O.C. as some random dude who seemed important and just disappeared. His storyline gets resolved late in the movie, but I spent the middle part wondering if I missed something. Also not given enough screen time was Vince Vaughn as ironically Pitt’s buddy/co-worker. Another way they could have solved the mundane scenes was inject more Vaughn throughout the movie. At least he faired better compared to Jolie’s buddies/co-workers who had less screen time and then had divide the time with four other actresses. How you don’t exploit a group of female assassins in beyond me.

But with all those complaints, when the movie did kick into high gear it was gripping. Each action sequence is more jam packed then the next all peppered with the right amount of humor and violence. This is highlighted by when the Smiths go after each other in there own home. And when they both lose their weapons there, the battle only gets better because well, guns are for wusses; real men (or women) will beat you down with their hands. There is also a great car chase where with a soundtrack of oddly enough of Making Love Out of Nothing at All (which the person I watch it with wrongly tried to argue Meatloaf when I said it was Air Supply; a lesson to all, never question my knowledge of cheesy music). Mr. and Mrs. Smith may have some down points but at the very least it’s a good waste of ninety minutes.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

If You Love Me, Come Find Me

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober



This is the coolest video based on a children’s story since Tom Petty’s Don’t Come Around Here No More. Granted I think it’s the only one besides the cheesy claymation video by Green Jello Jelly (am I the only one that remembers it?). This sounds pretty mosh like previous Evanescence songs so it will be interesting how the rest of the new album sounds without Ben Moody.


Better Than Ezra - Juicy



Please don’t think less of Better Than Ezra because this song was featured in a Desperate Housewives commercial last year. I do kind of wonder if the line dancing older woman is a slight jab at the show, so in a way, they may have redeemed themselved.


Red Hot Chili Peppers - Tell Me Baby



Now that there really isn’t an outlet for music videos, more and more of them have gone with cost efficient video, it seems to spawn creativity especially with the Red Hot Chili Peppers surprising some fans by jamming with them. Interestingly enough this video was directed by the Dayton/Farris team that was behind 90’s iconic high concept videos by the Peppers and Smashing Pumpkin among others


OK Go - Here it Goes Again



Speaking of low budgets, this could possibly be the lamest video I have ever seem, yet I couldn’t stop watching the dancing fools of OK Go.


Everclear - Hater



Here’s a video for those that subscribe to Us Weekly or watch too much of the E! channel. I’m not the biggest fan of salacious news, but I couldn’t stop laughing throughout the video. Yeah a few of the break-up’s were a while ago and I’m not sure why Everclear brought up such forgettable break-up’s by Joey and Phil Collins (is there a good story behind that one that I missed?).

It's Not That Deep

Things are definitely changing in the music business with new ways to find artist the biggest of which is the social networking site MySpace. Now I have never been to the site on account that dudes my age on the site tend to end up on Dateline NBC. But anyways. For the most part the site has catapulted bands into record contracts before they have ever played live. But now the site has its first R&B success story in Cassie who sparked a bidding war after she uploaded some demos to her space including the current hit, Me & U. Unfortunately for Cassie, Bad Boy ended up winning because Diddy is notoriously (pun intended) for not properly promoting his artists that don’t change their name every six months and with his own album slated for the fall it’s only going to get worse.

So to capitalize on her MySpace buzz, a self titled album was rushed to supply the demand and the rush job shows as every song on the album sound pretty much the same and Cassie’s singing on Prozac sound doesn’t help. She makes Rihanna’s vocal stylings sound like Mariah Carey in comparison. Throw in the uber-short run time, I have EP’s that are longer, and the album isn’t worth it at any price. Well maybe except for free. Cassie only switches things up on Long Way to Go where she goes the Promiscuous pseudo-rap route, but comes off a lot less catchy. Cassie also brings in some other singers to duet with on Kiss You, Just One Night and What Do U Want but the nondescript dudes are just as anemic as she is.

The songs are your basic run of the mill R&B lyrics that are slightly changed to protect against plagiarism charges while the beats are barely tweaked from song to song. The only lyrics that stand out are on two songs (in not necessarily good ways). Fist there is Ditto, a song based on a cheesy movie that is probable older than Cassie herself. Then on Call U Out (what’s with all the numbers and letters in the title, who does she think she is, Prince?) where she proclaims, “I’m the illest chick you ever met you know that’s a fact. I’ll cut you up in a minute if you made me.” Whoa, slow down chica. When Carrie Underwood admitted to destroying some guy’s car for cheating is understandable (see my review - Oh, There's Nothing Like Oklahoma), but can’t be going around cutting dudes. That right there makes Cassie undateable. Yeah she’s attractive, but I could go down to the local dormitory and find five to ten co-ed that are hotter. And there in lies the problem with MySpace (asides from the previously mentioned dudes who show up on Dateline) wherein marginally attractive chicks (or pseudo-punk bands) with no discernible talent can score a record deal just because the have enough “friends” on the site.

Song to Download - About Time

Cassie gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

First Impressions: Celebrity Fit Club 4

My sources tell me that Flavor of Love (see my First Impressions) wasn’t the only Celebreality show to debut last night on VH1 as Celebrity Fit Club also started its fourth season last night. Although it was obvious which show the channel cared more about as a running clock let us now just how much time until Flavor of Love started (get it, a clock, so you know what time it is, oh never mind). But Celebrity Fit Club, albeit without ghetto fighting within the first twenty minutes, is more educational as you can take actual health tips away from the show.

Celebrity Fit Club first started out basically as a Biggest Loser clone but with Surreal Life level celebrities (or lower) filling in for regular people as the compete to see who can lose the most. But instead of people getting booted every week until there is a winner; Fit Club instead splits the pseudo celebrities into two teams of four to see which team loses the most weight. And although there hasn’t been any ghetto fights in Fit Club history, each season has been good for a meltdown or two (see the fat Baldwin, Kenickie, and the other guy from Charles in Charge not named Scott Baio).

In the beginning, it looked like it was hard to fight eight overweight celebrities, even the lower level ones, to come on the show and they even had to re-use the Snapple Lady twice. But now it seems like not only are they able to fine worthy celebrities for the show but many of this season’s cast even contacted the show in hopes to get on. This season on one team we have captain Bone Crusher, who it would nice to call a one hit wonder because it would be saying Never Scared was an actual hit. Hanging out with Bone is Angie Stone who’s Wish I Didn’t Miss You still gets play on my iPod. Rounding out the team (no pun intended) is NYPD Blue and Baywatch vets Nicholas Turturro and Erika Eleniak. Hopefully I don’t have to tell you which one is which.

On the other side of the isle is the other captain Carnie Wilson who is quickly returning to her Wilson Philips weight even after her much publicized gastric bypass surgery. Hopefully she is much better at keeping off the pound the real way as apposed to the hard way. Also on her team is not surprisingly Tina Yothers who was always referred to as the chubby one on Family Ties, that can’t be good for the psyche. Then there is the aptly titled Big Pussy who apparently wants the moniker to become ironic like having a bodyguard named Tiny. Filling out the team (again no pun intended) is some dude from the 70’s, but unlike VH1, I did not love that decade so I really don’t know the guy.

The first episode ran let every previous season with the contestants having one last splurge (which I always find to be a bad idea, but it does make for good TV) followed by an actual workout so they can assess the participants abilities. This led to the funniest moment with Big Pussy taking a face plant while attempting the long job but I was a little disturbed by Angie Stone’s four-plus minute quarter mile. For those keeping track at home, that’s over a minute per hundred meters. Then they had the first official weigh-in which was overseen by host Ant, the unfunniest gay dude ever. He should take notes from the gay dude from Will & Grace not named Will.

Verdict: As long as VH1 shows repeats of the show constantly, I’m sure I’ll see every show if I wanted to or not and sadly I’ll most likely be watching with a box of Ho-Ho’s and a bottle of Gatorade beside me.

We Gon' Get it, Get it Started Again

There is no rapper more quotable than DMX especially when you need a good insult or need to describe a female that won’t be mistaken for a lady my personal favorite being, “You’re walking around like a brand new chicken about to be plucked” (there’s an unedited version of the same line that is arguably better). DMX also holds the distinctive honor of being the only rapper (possible only artist at that) to have their first five albums debut number one on the charts, and he is quick to let you now this at the start of his sixth Year of the Dog… Again.

The latest album can be divided into two different camps. For most of the first half of the album is classic DMX with club banger one after another. But the later half of the album is bogged down with over-semimetal song like on Goodbye where X gives his last farewells just in case. Now a couple of these types of songs are good for the diversity of the album, but when theirs is a bunch and all put in the back of the album, it just makes it seem long especially for a rap album.

But the first of the album will definitely get your heart pumping starting with the Intro that is too good and long just be labeled as on with the house party staple of call and response. And X brings in plenty of friends (maybe too many) to help him keep the party going. Long time collaborator Swiss Beatz plays the hype man on the first single We in Here. Busta Rhymes, always good for a classic guest appearance, shows up and cranks out the best track Come Thru (Move). Amerie plays the token R&B hook singer on the borderline cheesy Dog Love. The Lox, who were on X’s first hit, show up again on It’s Personal. DMX even brought in newcomers Big Stan for I Run (Expletive Deleted) (I could make a Happy Gilmore type joke here, but X scares me) and Bizarre Royale for the rock track Wrong or Right (I’m Tired).

Besides the latter track that bring done the album, the other aspect of the album that keeps Year of the Dog… Again from being as good as its predecessors are its beats, none of which come close to the ones on Get at Me Dog or What’s My Name? The one’s here are nondescript at best. The beat behind It’s Personal sounds like a second rate Dirt Off Your Shoulder while the rock track just fall flat. Maybe DMX needs to bring in some more producers the next time around to finally bring back his past glories.

Song to Download - Come Thru (Move)

Year of the Dog… Again gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Big Head Floyd and the Monsters

Every morning when I fire up the computer and hop onto the internet, the very first place I go, considering it is my homepage, is ESPN.com. And when the page loaded I met with the not so surprising lead story of Floyd Landis “B” sample coming back positive for abnormal levels of testosterone. After a week of hearing excuses after excuses of why he failed the first test, from shots of whiskey to cortisone shots, it was almost as if they were bracing for a second failed test instead of expecting the test to exonerate Landis. With all of his excuses, as well everyone else's, there is something to be said about the steriod user that looks the best now is the only one to come out and said, yeah, I used them to make me better in Jose Cansaco.

Speaking of other athletes and their excuses, if there was one bit of relief for Landis was that there was another positive test recently by an athlete in a sport that people actually care about with Justin Gatlin, the supposed fastest man in the world. Big Head Justin was even able to come up with a more insane excuse than Big Head Floyd with the “a masseuse with a grudge rubbed him down with the infamous The Cream” excuses. This begs the question, why go to a masseuse that doesn’t like you? He was also able to pull out the most guilty excuses out, the one patented by the biggest oversized dome of the all Barry Bonds with the “I never knowingly took any banned substances.” And to further prove Gatlin’s guilt, much like Bonds, his trainer/coach, Trevor Graham, was linked to the BALCO probe. Oh, and for those keeping track at home, Graham has coached six athletes that have received drug suspensions.

With these two high profile cases the latest of a laundry list steroid abusers dating all the way back to Ben Johnson back in Seoul (seriously, like a Canadian can run fast, talk about red flags) the best show currently on television, Pardon the Interruption even with the hateable Dan LeBatard, debated if we can trust any athlete to be clean. Mike Wilbon brought up Derek Jeter but I’m not sure if I can trust anyone who place baseball, football, or hockey not too mention the lesser sports. They only sport I can remotely trust is clean basketball, and by clean I mean of performance enhancing drugs because they have plenty of other problems including reports from players that over fifty percent of the league enjoys the sticky icky and there is even a franchise nicknamed the Jailblazers, although the Cincinnati may have to co-opt that name soon.

I know some of you may think I’m a hypocritical for the time I mentioned I coerced a young cousin to move my ball during the bi-annual McGavin Family Croquet Deathmatch, but to me there is a big different with cheating and chemically altering you body. Growing up, I loved hearing of stories of pitchers doctoring the baseball with nail files and storing Vaseline in their pocket or even dudes, much like George Brett, who lathered a little too much pine tar on their bat. I grew up being taught if you aren’t cheating you’re not trying. But I draw the line with putting things into my body, especially the kind that makes Little Scooter, well, more little. Not only is it wrong, it’s downright creepy.

But it will be the baseball writers will be the one who will be determining the legacy of steroids as more and more oversized domes become eligible for the Baseball Hall of Fame in the next couple of years starting next year with Big Head Mark Mcgwire. Personally if it were up to me, I would induct Cal Ripkin Jr. and Tony Gwinn next year and not induct anyone else for the next fifteen years except some old timers that were overlooked the first couple times they were on the ballot.

And there is an easy solution to the steroids problem. It is no coincidence that the use of performance enhancing drugs skyrocketed at the same time player salaries did. Back in the eighties no one made more than a million dollars but today even players that haven’t play a game routinely make millions of dollars. And what is one to do with all that disposable income, one would make sure that income keeps coming in especially when others are trying to get an unfair advantage. So here is my solution, one that have advocated for a long time and would be the first thing I would implement if I Ruled the World (right after I freed all my sons, you know, because I love ‘em, love ‘em baby) would be a salary cap. Now this salary cap wouldn’t be like the one’s today that put a cap on players salary, no this one would instead benefit the fan, it would be a cap on ticket prices and here it is the max places would be able to charge for different sports.

Baseball - $10
Basketball, Hockey, Soccer - $15
Football - $20
World Cup, Olympics, other special events - $25

So a family of four could go out to a ballgame for less than forty buck, what a novel idea. And of course to keep from pouching other aspects there would be a cap on parking and food too.

Every Mother's Child Sings a Lonely Song

With a name like Five for Fighting you would think it would be a band that would get a few spins on Headbanger’s Ball. Instead the band broke out five years ago to the delight of moms everywhere with melodic piano driven songs that have been adult contemporary radio staples since, mostly due to the woe is me song through Superman’s eyes. Not that we need another whiny Superman, that's what Smallville is for. But anyways. And of course when I say band I mean John Ondrasik who is basically the whole band and obvious hockey enthusiast. As a piano enthusiast myself, I been trying to get into his music, but nothing has really locked on for me yet.

What was surprising at first listening to a Five for Fighting album was how political Two Lights is. Granted it is not all that overt or even takes sides. This starts with the opener Freedom Never Cries with lines like, “I never loved the soldier until there was a war” and a verse about seeing a father and son on television with the younger holding a gun. World is a pseudo-environmental song asking, “What kind of world do you want?” And also warns, “Be careful what you wish for, history starts now.” On the other hand there is the tongue in cheek (I think) California Justice where he wonders why people care about him killing another dude. Although I have no clue why he claims Lance Armstrong is the new sheriff in town. I'm sure he’s no Sheriff John Brown. Another song that could go into the sarcasm category is Policeman’s Xmas Party where the cops are likened to Inspector Clouseau and they like to dance to Everybody Wants You.

But it’s not all pseudo politics on Two Lights as there are plenty of song that will keep your moms tuned into the radio for the next year. The current single The Riddle sounds like it’s a sequel to 100 Years. If there were proms for middle aged people, I Just Love You would be a staple at them for years to come. On Road to Heaven Ondrasik trades in his piano for an electric one, but the song is bogged down by its sappy message. But when it comes down to it, his voice is an acquired taste that I still haven’t obtained yet. In fact, his voice is most palatable on Policeman’s Xmas Party where he pulls a Biz Markie circa Just a Friend. Now that’s entertaining.

Song to Download - I Just Love You

Two Lights gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

First Impressions: Flavor of Love 2

In yet another 9th Green exclusive^*, I had the pleasure of seeing an advanced copy of the new season of Flavor of Love days before it premieres on Sunday. First off we get a long rundown on how we got to the second season including his stints on the Surreal Life 3, Strange Love with Bridgette Neilson and of course the first season of Flavor of Love which ended with Hoopz knowing what time it is. But between the season one finale, which just so happened to be the largest audience of any show in VH1’s history, and the reunion show, Hoopz no longer knew what time it was leading to the inevitable second season.

This time around Flavor Flav took a hands on approach to the casting as this time he didn’t want any gold diggers. But with Flav in charge in the casting, this led to, um, larger contestants and shockingly, girl that seem crazier than the first batch. And even more surprisingly, there were actually a few chicks I found attractive this time around. But when it comes down to it, the show still feels like a ghetto version of The Bachelor that they’d show on public access in Compton with some white chicks thrown in for affirmative action purposes.

The show’s format didn’t really change much though where the girls first show up and claim beds, and then it’s off to get drunk. Then there is the ceremonial nickname banding, also know as where Flavor first gets to grope the girls, and then the girls go off to drink some more. After that is the mixer where Flav gets to meet and chat with the girls and gets his first chance to make out with them, all the while the chick drink some more. And finally the passing out of the clocks at the first elimination, followed by drinking to celebrate those who made the cut while Flav pours some out for the chicks that didn’t know what time it was.

Even though it was very repetitive from last season, there are plenty of reasons to watch the premier including someone getting tossed before the third commercial break. And seeing why she was tossed was entertaining which they showed multiple times including in slo-mo. The one big change this time around is Flav brought in a spy to make sure all the gold diggers and reality shows professionals didn’t slip through, although it’s surprising that Trishelle hasn’t shown up yet as this is one of the few reality shows she hasn’t been on yet. And for the first time ever we get Flav-lation where they translate what Flav is saying so those of us white people in the Midwest can understand.

And they save the best, and by best I mean the worst for last. And all I have to say make sure you don’t eat before you watch the show because the most discussing thing I’ve ever seen on television happens in the last act.

Verdict: With Jerry Springer no longer entertaining, Flavor of Love has become the best train wreck on TV. As much as I don’t want to watch it, I’m sure I’ll see every episode by the time the finale comes around.

^* Okay, so this wasn’t so much a 9th Green exclusive because you too can watch the first episode of Flavor of Love, along with the new season of Celebrity Fit Club, on VH1’s Broadband channel VSPOT with limited commercial breaks. Or you can still see it on VH1 this Sunday at 10:00 and of course since its VH1, it will be repeated constantly throughout the week.

We Would Say Our Rhymes to the Beat Right

I know I’ve said this whenever I talk about rap, but as a youth, I was a huge hip-hop fan. For most of Middle School that was all I listen to. Then as I grew, I listen to less and less because I found it, for the most part, uninspiring. Just the same raps about bling over the same tired beats. Seriously, how hasn’t anyone figured out that Lil’ Jon only has just one song. But anyways. One of the few rap troupes worth listening to, Jurassic 5 is back with their latest album, Feedback. Don’t expect the normal rap fair of recent times because, as they say, “we would say our rhymes to the beat right, but we never indulged in the street life.”

The boys came up around the same time as another underground sensation, the Black Eyed Peas, but unlike the Peas, this group didn’t become Jurassic 6 by adding a cast off from Kids Incorporated and not so coincidently Jurassic 5 has yet to have a breakout hit. But on Feedback, the 5 do some things that could be considered selling out. First they brought in Scott Storch, one of many new producers they worked with after longtime DJ Cut Chemist left to pursue a solo career. Storch is best know for being responsible for bringing Paris Hilton and Brooke Hogan to the radio, thanks for that by the way (end sarcasm), produced Brown Girl (Suga Plum). Needless to say this is the weakest track on the album. The other and more successful way the boys try to crossover is the addition of the Dave Matthews Band on the track Work it Out.

The collective expands their horizons more than just bringing talented guest, and Scott Storch, like on How Did We End up like This, a smooth track where the group look back at themselves, and possibly hip-hop culture as a whole and wonder what went wrong. But the backpackers are at the top of their games when they kick it old school like Radio. They seamlessly switch between each other before coming together for the chorus and the song should be coming out of your radio’s speakers this summer. In the House sounds like something that could have been heard in New York City in the early eighties. Hopefully the next time around Jurassic 5 don’t call up Scott Storch, because they don’t need him.

Song to Download - Work it Out

Feedback gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Huh, Huh, Huh, Huh, Huh, Huh, That Was Cool

In a story I broke yesterday, MTV turns twenty-five today, not that you would learn that from watching the channel as they are too busy showing a mini-marathon of Real World:… um, actually I have no clue where they are this time around. Shouldn’t you be on the wrong side of thirty before being ashamed of your age? But anyways. Yeah, it’s been decades since the channel has shown videos on a regular occasion, and you may not remember due to all the trash on now, but MTV has had a few great shows like the Unplugged series, Remote Control, Rich Girls, and even the Real World didn’t suck in it’s pre-Chicago days. But for my money, the best show was the one the featured the only two high school students even more dumb than the cast of Laguna Beach, Beavis and Butt-head. So in honor of MTV’s birthday, someone’s got to celebrate, the boys will be the first television show inducted into the Scooter Hall of Fame.

As the legend goes, the show started after the Mike Judge cartoon appeared on the weird collection of animated shorts, Liquid Animation. This particular short introduced America to the greatest inventions to sports since fantasy sports, frog baseball. Shortly there after the duo got their own television show. When Beavis and Butt-head first aired, I was definitely smack dab right in the middle of their target demographic. I, like most f my male classmates, watched obsessively and discussed at length the next day in the lunchroom, quoted every line, did the laughs, but were drew the line at burning down our mobile homes (thanks dude who did that which forced MTV to push the just to 11:00 just because you are a moron and your mother was too lazy to be a parent).

There were many classic episodes in the cartoon’s run, my favorites being the time they weren’t allowed to laugh, anytime Cornholio made an appearance, the time Butt-head choked on his chicken (huh, huh, I wrote choked on his chicken) then Beavis had to perform the Heimlich (he, he, I wrote Heimlich), the time the boys had to buy jockstraps but all that fit were eye patches, when Bill Clinton came to speak at Highland High, and many, many more. But the highlight of every episode was when the boys would sit down and watch, mostly obscure, music videos. I doubt Rob Zombie would have had a career had Beavis and Butt-head not made fun of a White Zombie video.

Another great part of the show was when the boys would dream about being other people, most notably when Big Daddy Butt-head stood in for David Letterman with Beaver as his Paul Shaffer. And the secondary characters always added to the show, my favorite being Major Buzzcut, but you were sure to get a laugh whenever Principal McVicker, Mr. Van Driessen, or the dude with the Winger t-shirt.

Unfortunately Mike Judge eventually got bored with his imbecilic creation and pulled the plug on Beavis and Butt-head after their movie was released so he could focus more on the less funny King of the Hill, although we did get the brilliant Office Space in the post-Beavis and Butt-head era. Another unfortunate postscript to the show is it looks like we will never get season sets from the boys with all videos included. Instead it looks like the three set Mike Judge collections (the third and final one being released today) will be as close as a definite set that we will get, well until in about five years when MTV and Judge want to suck even more money out of fans. I’m sure I will break down and buy this collection in the near future (hey Christmas is only five months away, hint, hint.) So happy birthday MTV even though the only music shown on you channel nowadays is the soundtrack to crappy reality shows, and congratulations to Beavis and Butt-head for being inducted to the SHoF.




In honor of Beavis and Butt-head's induction, I compiled a bunch of my favorite clips over at my sister site, Scooter McGavin Takes Pictures.