Before I get to your favorite songs of the year I first want to mention that just before Christmas I had ordered a gift for someone through Amazon and among the usual spam advertising slips that they stuff into their boxes there was an envelope where you can place old cell phones to send to the troops. So if you got a new cell phone for Christmas or are just like me and is a pack rat who keeps everything for no reason and had three just lying around collecting dust, please check out this website: Cell Phones for Soldiers to see where you can send any of your unused cell phones. They say the phone can be in any condition and don’t even need to still have a battery.
Last year was the first time I ever let you my readers influences the 9th Green (aside from the occasional pandering for comments) and this year I got four times more responses than last. Thanks to each and everyone who took time to compile your favorite songs of the year to make this list possible. With the more responses I think this ended up being a better list for the most part than last year. This year Rihanna was as close to consensus as it got this year being the only artist appearing on more than half of the lists I received. Keep in mind this list is solely your opinions and I in no way influenced it as I will be unveiling my favorite 100 songs of the year coming this Sunday. But here are your favorites:
Since I have been completing my favorite songs of the year list for over a decade, thought out the years I hear five or songs and think, there a potential overall number one for this year. The thing is, this year not one song that came out that made me think that making me wonder if 2007 could be the worst year for music in my lifetime overtaking 1999. That was until I started compiling this list of the worst albums of the year and noticed that there were not that many bad albums. This year only two albums garnered the Low Terror Alert level compared with five last year (plus Paris Hilton who is still the only artist to get the elusive Terror Alert Black), and six the year before.
This could also be because there just seemed to be a lot less music period this year. Last year I reviewed about a hundred albums but this year just over fifty got reviewed. But looking over potential songs that will make the top 100 songs of the year, there does seem to be an overabundance of good songs, just not any great ones. In face, the fiftieth best song this year may be the best fiftieth song of all time. So I am ready to declare 2007 the Most Mediocre Year Ever.
With that said, there are a few albums that need to be noted for their unlistenablity. Here are the worst of the worst album that I reviewed in the past five months. If you are interested in reading my original review, click the link below the album, the album link goes to iTunes if you enjoy torture.
There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.
Just in time for Halloween, quite possibly the scariest music video since Thiller. Seriously, the Marilyn Manson pop bride and uber-bangs looks just are not working for Avril Lavigne. Although in a measure of full disclosure the green get up almost makes Avril look attractive. Now if only she would get rid of the silly pink extension.
In a shocking twist to a Maroon 5 video, it doesn’t feature Adam Levine (not to be confused with the previously mentioned Avril Lavigne) making out with various token hot chicks. And if I am not mistaken, the chick that Levine doesn’t make out with looks a lot like Rousseau’s daughter on Lost after a couple showers. Can anyone get confirmation to if that is her?
Well that well was gratuitous. Um, not that I am complaining or anything. The song is actually kind of catchy too, which is a plus so I don’t have to watch it with the mute button on. But should I know who this NeYo character is?
Speaking of gratuitous, did we really need the five minute intro of some Lohan type being dropped off at some weird model detox place? The Notorious riff at the end was a nice touch though. As for the song, with Timbaland as the producer, it still sound what one would expect a Duran Duran song would sound like. Hopefully there are better tracks when the Red Carpet Massacre is released later this year.
Remember the catchphrase from what I think was the eighth installment of the Lethal Weapon franchise when Danny Glover (or was it Mel Gibson) said, “I’m getting too old for this (expletive deleted)!” Well that is how I have felt after ever Video Music Awards since, um, when was the last time Chris Rock hosted? But I thought this year was different when the show was announced thanks to scheduled performers Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse. Apparently MTV got word of this and since they have been trying very hard to keep anyone that is actually older than they are, both ended up not being able to make it to the show.
And so went the interest as most anyone who isn’t a fourteen year old white girl that still thinks Fall Out Boy are cool. But in the end I guess it is good that neither made it because they probably would have just been relegated to singing for thirty second with Mark Ronson before MTV cut to commercial. Seriously, if I wanted to hear less than a minute of a song I’d watch TRL. Eighteen different acts were featured but only five get to perform a full song. Why bother? Apparently you can watch all the suite performances at MTV.com but you might as well wait until someone rips the best to mp3. Here are some other thoughts on the show:
- We start off with the fairly worthless pre-show where they roll out John Norris again. Did this guy sign some sort of life-long contract? MTV has a stricter age limit than Menoudo yet he still gets rolled out every year with his boyband circa 1999 haircut. And there is something to say that even though T.I. was in the building, he didn’t bother to show up for the chick from the Pussycat Dolls performance, who relied heavily on guided vocals, even though he appeared on the song.
- The big show started of with the much hyped Britney Spears performance and despite with expectations were so low she could walk over the bar, she still found a way to slither under it. Now I have never watched America’s Got Talent, but her performance is what I would imagine what a Britney impersonator’s that was let on the show just so the Hoff would have something to laugh at would look like. She didn’t bother to lip-sync half the time and was a half to full step behind her back up dancers half the time and looked lost half the time. But I guess it would be hard to remember the steps and to move your lips when you spent three minutes trying to hold in your gut. Note to Britney: fat people don’t walk around in their bra and panties. Yeah you could have pull that look off thirty pounds ago but you now either need to put some clothes on or work in a thousand sit ups a day.
- MTV seriously dropped the ball with the opening. They usher out a train wreck that hasn’t been musically relevant for half a decade for an embarrassing performance when they should have convinced Vanessa Hudgens open the show asking the crowd, “heard any good jokes lately?” (Thanks to everyone who pointed out why people she all the sudden became the most popular search to the 9th Green). Everyone would have talked around the watercooler today how great the opening was instead of how horrible it was. Well actually most of the watercooler talk today was, “wait, the VMA’s were last night?”
- Apparently MTV had a contingency plan in case the Brittney performance died like it did with Sarah Silverman coming out to make fun of her. Granted the best line was, “that’s not nice calling Madonna a python” as well as her backhanded comments to Paris Hilton who once again tried to look upset before breaking out laughing.
- Rihanna wins the Monster Single of the Year as well as the monster cleavage of the year award.
- Jennifer Hundson (as Alicia Keys calls her) comes out to give the most worthless award of the night, the quadruple threat award. Since when is having a clothing line a threat?
- Holy Pat Smear sighting!
- Kanye West and 50 Cent come out to hype their release date. I have said this before and I will say it again, for the love of hip-hop be sure to pick up Graduation this week so 50 retires for coming in second. Anyone find it interesting that no one even mentions Kenny Chesney who has a legitimate chance to outsell either of the rappers. Don’t underestimate the buying power of hillbillies. But any ways. Be sure to look out for my Kanye review tomorrow and 50 on Wednesday.
- Forty-five minutes into the award show and we get our first full performance by Chris Brown who did a much better job lip-syncing that Britney. But that really say much about it. But is does say something that Rihanna stole the show from him.
- Justin Timberlake’s music sucks massively and acts like a complete tool ninety-five percent of the time but I like his blast at MTV and their reality programming while accepting an award from The Hills (but I’d like to state for the record that I would definitely stand underneath the brunette’s umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh). But then lost points when saying that The Simpsons were part of MTV’s reality programming.
- Seriously, Cee-Lo singing Prince while being backed by the Foo Fighters only gets thirty seconds of airtime?
- I must take this time to apologize to CBS for creating the most appalling reality show ever with Kids Nation. I didn’t realize MTV would counter with A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila (whoever that is), your token Bachelor rip-off but with sixteen lesbians and straight dudes. But there is something to say that both channels are owned by the same company (keep in mind this is also the same company that axed Veronica Mars).
- Are we really supposed to believe Shia LeBeouf didn’t really have express written consent to reveal the new Indiana Jones title (Kingdom of the Crystal Skull). That is just insulting our intelligence.
- Who keeps inviting Pamela Anderson to these things? She and Carmen Electra should be well into their begging to get on the Surreal Life point in their life but somehow they still get on big name events. What’s worst is supposedly she is the reason for the most interesting thing that happened all night (Kid Rock sucker punching Tommy Lee) and MTV didn’t even bother to air it.
- Speaking of overrated chicks, Megan Fox may be one of the few people that rival Anderson in that category. She announces Timbaland who does some weird thing before tossing it to Linkin Park. What was that? Why even bother? Why not just have Fox toss to Linkin Park. Timbaland is just completely worthless.
- During the pre-show Rihanna mentioned she was going to rock out tonight and I thought maybe she would be backed by New Order (Shut Up and Drive samples Blue Monday), but now it is just Fall Out Boy who just took home Best Group. Yawn.
- Alicia Keys adds some class to program even if she was wearing that looked like Olivia Newton-John combined her wardrobe from the final scene from Grease and the Physical video. The new song was decent, but I’m not sure where I come down on Freedom ’90. I was hoping that maybe she would bring out George Michaels but alas no.
- Jamie Foxx comes out to show everyone how much he has had to drink while in Vegas then shuts ups just long enough for Jennifer Garner announce the Best New Award as Gym Class Fallout. Yeah, that seems just about right.
- MTV then rolls out a week old joke that really wasn’t that funny a week ago in the Miss Teen South Carolina who flubs while pretending to flubs. Nice. At least she gave the Wu-Tang Clan a shout out.
- The big surprise guest of the night is Dr. Dre (who is disturbingly showing his age). No he didn’t perform or even receive a Lifetime Achievement Award or anything interesting, no he is just relegated to handing out Video of the Year to Rihanna.
- The show ends with Nelly Furtado, Timberlake and Timbaland each performing a verse from their latest song before getting together as the song they did together start only for the track to stop so abruptly that Timbaland had to inform everyone five seconds later that that’s the end of the show. How apropos of an end.
- I’m really getting too old for this (expletive deleted).
Yesterday I covered part one of my 2007 Fall Music Preview, and before I get to part two I have to remind you that somewhere in part one you can find a free iTunes download from not one, but two musical legends. And I want to look back at the summer before going into the fall real quickly. I have made it known my displease of Umbrella by Rihanna until I heard the Mandy Moore version (see You’re Part of My Entity) and I didn’t think I could like the song anymore until I heard the DJ Top Cat mash-up with UB40’s Red, Red Wine which you can download over at Mashup Town. Now we at the 9th Green in know way condone illegally download music so if you like either song be sure to use the links below to buy the songs from iTunes.
Chase This Light - Jimmy Eat World: Despite that last album being wrongfully overlooked, Pain is one of the great full out rock songs of this decade. Hopefully this album is as great as their previous ones and gets some success they received for The Middle back in 2001. Preorder Chase This Light on iTunes. If you preorder the album you will get a Ticketmaster code that will allow you to purchase Jimmy Eat World concer tickets before the general audience.
Chrome Dreams II - Neil Young: Some of you might be thinking to yourself, when was Chrome Dreams I released? Well, despite being recorded a couple decades ago, it was never released, but releasing a follow up to an unreleased album still isn’t in the top five strangest things Neil Young has ever done.
Ultimate Victory - Chamillionaire: Okay to be honest, the only reason I am spotlighting thing album is just in case there are any songs worthy of another great “Weird Al” Yankovic parody. And the album features hip-hop legend Slick Rick.
October 23
Carnival Ride - Carrie Underwood: Underwood easily put out the best post karaoke album ever with Some Hearts and unlike other former karaokers, she is smart not to change the formula too much like demanding that she write all her own songs so you can expect some more country pop.
Black Fingernails, Red Wine - Eskimo Joe: I know absolutely nothing about this band or album except their name for some reason gave me a few laughs when they played the Australia venue of Live Earth. Granted I shouldn’t laugh too hard in case they become the next INXS, but then again they could become the next Men at Work.
October 30
The Cool - Lupe Fiasco: In the lead up to his debut, Lupe had been labeled the savior of rap, and himself even said in one of his songs, come in Hip-Hop, we’ve come to resurrect you” yet never quite completely lived to the hype. Hopefully he builds on the last album and finally lives up to the hype on this one.
Long Road out of Eden - Eagles: Someone said this is their first studio in almost three decade, but didn’t they put one out not too long ago with the Hole in the World song on it? When Hell Freezes Over came out I was completely on The Eagles bandwagon, but I can’t say I really care that much anymore.
November 6
I Am Me - Alicia Keys: After Graduation, this is my most anticipated upcoming album. Yeah her first two album were just good, but there is definitely a great to classic album in Alicia Keys and this may be it and my sources tell me that John Mayer may make an appearance. I have been playing the song she debuted at Live Earth constantly since.
Saturday Nights, Sunday Mornings - Counting Crows: The Counting Crows are in the discussion of the best first two albums ever. But you can also argue that they had one of the steepest drop-off in music history. Adam Duritz stated that he has rededicated himself to his craft so maybe this will be a comeback of sorts. The album also may be a double album divided into songs about Saturday Nights and the other surprisingly being about Sunday Mornings
You can also look for a re-release of the inaugural induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame, August and Everything After on September 18. It features six bonus tracks and a bonus live disk recorded on the last date of the tour to support that album.
The Carnival II: Memoirs of an Immigrant - Wyclef Jean: It has been ten years since Clef released the first Carnival. Coincidentally, it has also been a decade since he had a hit (granted Two Wrongs should have been one) aside from when he rode Shakira’s coattails. The album will feature your usual cavalcade of token rap guest spots including Akon, Mary J. Blige, Lil’ Wayne, T.I. and, um, Paul Simon?
November 13
8 Diagrams - Wu-Tang Clan: A wise man once told me that Wu-Tang Clan ain’t nuntin’ to (expletive delegated) wit. Expect an ODB tribute song (who will appear courtesy of previously record material), guest spots from Q-Tip, some dude from System of a Down and John Frusciante who appears on a song based around George Harrison’s While My Guitar Gently Weeps.
Frank - Amy Winehouse: Many of you man not realized that Back to Black was not Winhouse’s first album, instead Frank was her debut, but hasn’t been released stateside until now. Although this album does predate her work with producer Mark Ronson who helped develop the cool retro vibe of some of the best songs on her current album.
November 20
Untitled - Mariah Carey: Some would call The Emancipation of Mimi her comeback album; personally I don’t think anything post-Honey is worth listening to. One of the main reasons she has become unlistenable, Jermaine Dupri, will be back to produce some tracks.
No dates have been confirmed yet, but you may also expect albums from The Roots (Rising Down), Gnarls Barkley, Q-Tip (The Resistance), Mary J. Blige, and Duran Duran (The Red Carpet Massacre). There are also some live albums coming from R.E.M. (their first ever), Daft Punk, and Brian Setzer Orchestra. And being the holiday season, of course there are the prerequisite greatest hits albums from Nas, Santana, The Goo Goo Dolls, Matchbox Twenty, Faith Hill, Spice Girls (seriously?), and Eric Clapton which, despite being called The Complete Clapton, does not include Layla or anything pre-1980.
Rumors abound that there will be albums from Michael Jackson and Eminem (yawn) and a music preview wouldn’t be complete with the obligatory, maybe this is the year Chinese Democracy comes out.
Like I said in part 1, if I left off your favorite upcoming album or just want to say what you are most looking forward to the fall, drop me a comment.
For most of the summer I have decried Umbrella by Rihanna as one of the worst songs ever in the history of recorded music. Back in May I said “Rihanna is good for at least one good song per album. But Umbrella definitely isn’t going to be that one for her upcoming release.” (see Don't Download These Videos vol. XVI) Then in June after calling the chorus annoying I added, “Seriously, how could no one, from the writer, producer, anyone at the label or Rihanna herself not hear that chorus and think, ‘yeah, that doesn’t work.’” (see Now That it's Raining More than Ever) But my hated for the song started to loosen up as I mentioned last week about the absurd rumor that the song is a euphemism for a lady’s kootchiepop.
Well it may be time to break out some crow because I am beginning to straight out like this song. Well not Rihanna’s overproduced version with her grating vocals, over exaggerated hip-hop beat and an unnecessary cameo from Jay-Z, but instead two cover versions that are currently floating around cyber space.
Yesterday I received a message from my good friend Mandy Moore suggesting I check out her version of the song that she did for Yahoo’s Cover Art. And since I’d certainly like to stand underneath her Umbrella (ella-ella-eh-eh-eh) I went to check it out. Ms. Moore takes everything wrong with the original and fixes them, so gone is Jay-Z, the hip-hop beat is replaced with a soothing acoustic sound that brings out the romantic lyrics to forefront (well assuming that the songs isn’t actually about, um, you know what), and softens the annoying ella-ella-eh-eh-eh part. Oh, and Mandy has a much better voice. Check it out for yourself below:
And Mandy isn’t the only one reworking Umbrella. Earlier this week in my normal Tuesday routine of checking out what’s new in the iTunes store I came across some chick named Marié Digby who has a new song that happened to be called Umbrella. I had to check out the 30 preview to see if it was in fact the same song, which it was. And after some research it turns out she is one of those annoying YouTubers who upload them singing other people song which I avoid because, much like I avoid American Karaoke, if these people were any good they wouldn’t need the internet, or reality show, to get a record deal. But even though Digby certainly won’t be winning any singing competitions anytime soon, her version, slightly faster than Mandy’s, is much better than the original. Check out her performance on Carson Daily (sorry you have to sit threw some Carson taking first) and you can download Marié Digby’s version of Umbrella here:
And in a completely unrelated note last week I got an e-mail about a new documentary by Leonardo DiCaprio called the 11th Hour about the impending climate crisis. So if you wanted to see An Inconvenient Truth but were like me and had absolutely no desire to see Al Gore talk about a bunch of slide for ninety minutes, this may be the film for you. The movie opens tomorrow in New York and Los Angeles, next week in selected cities and August 31 nationwide. Below is the trailer and you can check out the website at 11thhouraction.com:
Big News of the Week: Rescue Me Now on iTunes: For those who accidentally miss an episode or just like watching your television show on small screen you can now download the current season on iTunes. You can download the current episodes that have aired already or buy the season pass for $25.99.
Greek: Last week I mentioned the most entertain part of the show so far were the blink and you miss them cameos from Lonelygirl15 and I must have blinked because I missed her if she showed up last this week. Although they didn’t really need her this week as the episode was as solid as the first episode but without the dull points. I was a little disappointed that the sport they went with was floor hockey. If you are going with an iconic college intramural event you have to go with broomball or at the very least flag football. And no matter how much it is over done, the utilization of the slow motion for comedic effect works every time. Download the current season of Greek on iTunes.
Rescue Me: This season by far has been the most uneven of the series and the show may have had the first potential jump the shark moment last week with Tommy holding baby what-his-name over the rail. Tommy has done some despicable things over four seasons but this will bring him to the point of being unredeemable. Not that I am all that worried for the welfare for the kids considering the out of the blue admission from Lou that he know wants kids. All this after what started out being a great episode with one of the most intense fires in the history of the show.
Pirate Master: Finally caught up online this week after the show got ranked from television last week. Oddly I can carve out an hour to watch the show every week at a specific time yet it is more daunting to watch the show at my leisure over the internet. But anyways. I did correctly predict that they would shake up the show last week and the number dwindling by eliminating the captain mates and lowering the number of black spots to two. The more surprising twist being the captain gets to keep all the gold and they retired the royal pardon (something they did a little too soon). Krista replaces the creepy dreadlock dude who is promptly set adrift two weeks ago and gets annoying by the next episode like every other captain before her. But I was surprised it took this long to think about throwing an expedition, this time with Jay trying to keep Krista in power. During the run of creepy dreadlock dude I’m surprised that no one thought about throwing one to get him out of power. Watch the current season of Pirate Master on Innertube.
Pick of the Week: The Knights of Prosperity, Wednesday at 8:30 and 9:30 on ABC: Even though were in the middle of the heart of summer, there are a few things worth watching this week including the return of Meerkat Manor on Friday on the Animal Planet and next Sunday is the Comedy Central Roast of Flavor Flav (on a side note: if anyone watches Mission: Man Band on VH1 this Monday, I will totally think less of you and may even publicly mock you for doing so). But for my money must see TV is the brief return of Let’s Rob Mick Jagger Ray Romano. The show at times rivaled My Name Is Earl as the funniest show on television only to be screwed time and time again by ABC first yanking it from the fall schedule only to debut it against the National Championship Game, Later going head to head with American Karaoke only to move it to a half an hour earlier without any announcement. The show was then yanked again hours before the Ray Romano arc was supposed to start because the president said it wanted to re-launch the show at a later date. But when the show didn’t end up on the new ABC schedule the president of the network said they just couldn’t find a spot for the show yet he was able to find a spot for Cavemen which doubtfully will make it to Thanksgiving. So we only have four more episodes of the show, two being burned and the other will presumably will next week. And just so ABC continues its extremely poor scheduling decisions, the show alternates every half hour with According to Jim so you can’t just watch an hour of the Knights. For other networks who hope to kill off their own great shows just see the above template. If you want to catch up on the show, ABC.com still has all the previous episodes available for streaming.
On a completely unrelated note, I heard the most absurd thing the other day and I just had to share: Someone told me that Rihanna’s Umbrella was a metaphor for a woman’s downstairs lady parts. Can anyone confirm or denied this? And if this is true please don’t tell me what the line, “Now that it’s raining more than ever” means in this metaphor (especially if the song was written by R. Kelly). But if it is or isn’t there is a good chance the next time I am out at a club and see a token hot chick pass by I will turn to my nearest drunken buddy and say, “I’d sure like to stand underneath her umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh.” And is it wrong that I have started to like this song solely because of this rumor?
There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.
Whenever Kanye West drops a new video and this is no exception as Stronger even debut at a film festival. And this is by far the most expensive video to date. But more expensive doesn’t quite equate to better as this probably cost more than all three Jesus Walk videos combined and all three were better than this. But this video does have Cassie who shows that she is a much better video hofessional than singer. As for the song, of the two songs that sample indie acts, this is the stronger (bad pun intended) song but what is up with the OJ shout out and I don’t even care for the white Kate Moss why would someone want the black one?
Okay, so certainly we could have all done without the intro to the video, but for my money, this is the best song on the debut album from Lily Allen. Plus it is also the best video of the four that have been released. I love the juxtaposition of Lily’s fantasy world and the real world. And the song has finally been released as a singe here stateside so be sure to request it at your local radio station.
And that isn’t the only Lily allen sighting as she also shows up in this Mark Ronson video. Well or at least an animated version. For those who have never heard of Ronson, he is responcible for two of the best albums of the first half of this year producing Lily’s album as well as the American debut from Amy Winehouse.
After three album this may be the first time I have ever seen Rihanna show anything that closely resembles a personally. She may not be a Fembot as I originally suspected. But the best part of the video is nowhere does she repeat “ella-ella-eh-eh-eh” over and over again. Add a New Order sample and I call that an upgrade.
With her previous two albums released over the previous two years, Rihanna was always good for at least one great summer jam that most people have forgotten by the time the leaves began to fall. For the third straight summer, the Barbados native attempts the three-peat of summer anthems but unfortunately Umbrella falls way short of Pon de Replay and SOS. Not surprisingly, the song was rumored to be passed on by artists such as Hilary Duff among others, but the song actually could have been as catchy as her previous hits if it wasn’t for that annoying chorus (“Umbrella-ella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh”). Seriously, how could no one, from the writer, producer, anyone at the label or Rihanna herself not hear that chorus and think, “yeah, that doesn’t work.”
But even though the highs are not as high as previous outings, Rihanna’s latest album, Good Girl Gone Bad is the most solid as a whole that her previous. This is thanks to a diverse range of songs that range smooth R&B (Hate That I Love You with Ne-Yo which is a much better anti-love song than Unfaithful) disco (Don’t Stop the Music), rock (Shut Up and Drive), Caribbean (Lemme Get That), and old school R&B with a modern twist (Say It). And with the success of the Tainted Love sampling SOS, Rihanna has dug into the eighties hit to be the basis of a couple songs on this album including Running with the Night on Push Up on Me, Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’, and Blue Monday on Shut Up and Drive.
That’s not to say there aren’t some clunkers, Breakin’ Dishes is a Ring the Alarm wannabe but without the siren in the background or even the sound of breaking dishes. Plus you could tell Beyoncé was legitimately pissed, Rihanna sounds like she is singing just another song. Then the three Timbaland tracks, Sell Me Candy, Lemme Get That and Rehab just song like cookie cutter filler. And sadly Rehab isn’t even an Amy Winehouse cover instead the rehab in the song is just a cheesy metaphor because “you’re my disease.” Yawn. But what can you really expect from a song written by Justin Timberlake? If you are asking me if you should download that song then I say, “No, no, no.”
After years of just having random hot chicks host, we finally have an actual comedian host the MTV Movie Awards. But as soon as the get something right, they do something as equally wrong to cancel out the goodness, namely replacing professionally done movie spoofs with amateur ones which after seeing the final three, was a huge mistake. You know the spoofs were really bad when the best actually spoofed United 93. You know, the movie that documented the flight that went down in Pennsylvania on September 11th. But the show wasn’t all bad; here are some more thoughts on the festivities:
- We get are very first commercial free pre show and it is pretty clear the Transformers was the one that picked up the tab. I would say a good twenty minutes of the half hour was devoted to the movie. And even though I was a huge Transformers in my youth, there is no way you can get me to see a live action movie version. I have leaned my lesson from the live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies.
- One of the few non Transformers interviews was with Mandy Moore and the dude from The Office (I choose not to type his name not because I can’t spell it but because, well actually, that pretty much sums it up) who hilariously pull out the sarcasm when it is mentioned that Paris Hilton arrive.
- That may have been the worst opening in the awards history. Obviously someone was smoking something when they wrote that.
- At least that was saved but the monologue when Sarah Silverman has even more fun at Paris Hilton’s expense. Is it wrong that my biggest laughs of the night were when people started cheering when Silverman mentioned Hilton’s impending jail team and the subsequence look on her face when Hilton realize everyone hates her.
- We are live for the first time tonight and it seemed there were a lot more cursing then usually even if you take away Silverman’s closing song.
- The cast of Fantastic Four is out first to present. Pretty much every presenting team was a cast of a movie (I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Live Free or Die Trying, License to Wed, Transformers, Hairspray). It’s like MTV doesn’t even try not to hind they are a complete industry shill. I guess they don’t have to when people like me come back every year. Not surprisingly they handed out the award for best villain to Jack Nicholson because he was prominently shown during the monologue and Jack isn’t showing up if he didn’t win. And since there were no gratuitous shots of him after the award, I bet he walked right out of the auditorium after picking up his award.
- Seriously, the Mac guy is going to be in the next Die Hard movie? Did Bruce Willis just okay this to get iPods for his family? And did he get the Windows guy a cameo?
- They really needed to black out more than they did in the Borat fight scene.
- Apropos that Dane Cook introduced all of the laughless amateur spoof. Almost as unfunny as the spoofs and Cook were those Human Giant spots. Now I know to never watch that show.
- In the rare non-cast presenting team, they took the time machine back to 1997 to team up Posh Spice and Chris Tucker.
- Is Umbrella really the number one song in the country? The live rock version is was a little better than the album version. Although Rihanna must really be talented if she can sing if we can hear her without her lips movie like at the ends of the performance.
- At least we got one good spoof with Silverman trying to find a presenter. Unfortunately it ended with another poor idea, having a random webcam user present an award.
- Why have an Orbitz Dirty Mouth if they don’t even show the winner let along the nominees. Oh yeah, it was just for a blatant cooperate sponsorship.
- They are resurrecting the Unplugged series for Bon Jovi? Or are they reshowing one from twenty years ago?
- It was nice that MTV made fun of all the annoying people who quote Borat ad nausea with the Boratititus segment. Yes random frat boy, I’m talking to you, stop it, it is not funny when you do it.
- When I heard Mike Myers was going to win the Generations Awards I was excited thinking they were going back to their roots like the great Lifetime Achievement Awards. That was until I realized they were awarding it to Austin Powers not the unkillable homicidal maniac. What was really sad was Myers pulled out an old Wayne’s World joke with the whole sell out part of his acceptance speech.
- As much as I like Amy Winehouse, her performance was a little disappointing as it was the same as her Letterman performance and every other show of the like. They could at least show pictures of Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, et al, behind her. In fact, they just released a remix of the show with Jay-Z, he was already there, he could have jumped on stage.
- I would personally like to thank whoever decided to turn Amanda Bynes into a stripper. She didn’t quite pull it off entirely, but it still worked for me.
- It was nice to see a movie that was universally panned by critics and viewers alike, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest actually took home the Best Movie award. And it is not a good sign when your live awards show actually ends two minutes early. No wonder we rarely saw the morbidly obese dude with the freakish bellybutton.
- Jay-Z
![Terror Alert Level: Guarded [BLUE]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzCbHfExiuXqojow1zxkBUX6j-9BHg9IyrfzqR77jnja2Xq6dbv-7iiqMFzp_UKXGcUF9FyAHqCkNxa5uitXa5Xu2Q1OboN9-TLjsaeI1a2eoGLORU4vkTQ54l1C-_cZyn81QHyQ/s400/small_guarded.png)
on my 
. You know, the movie that documented the flight that went down in Pennsylvania on September 11th. But the show wasn’t all bad; here are some more thoughts on the festivities:
