The Five Most (and Least) Anticipated Questions of Fall 2013 Television

Tomorrow sees the unofficial start of the fall television season with the return of Sons of Anarchy (Survivor and The Neighbors start next week and then almost everything else debuts the following week). So once again this year I am poising the five biggest (and five least interesting) questions going into the new season.

1. How Will Dan Harmon Address His One Year Sabbatical on Community? In a bizarre twist, Community creator and showrunner Dan Harmon was fired and then brought back a year later. Harmon has been vocal in his displeasure of the fourth season that went on without him so one would easily assume that the hugely pop-culture referencing show will take a page out of the Dallas playbook and make the entire last season a dream. I really do not see Harmon at all picking up where his predecessors left off. Another thing Harmon has to explain is the absence of Pierce and considering his hatred of Chevy Chase, it may be dealt a kin to when Isaac Hayes unceremoniously left South Park.

2. Will Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Live Up to the Hype? There is no more anticipated new show this fall than S.H.E.I.L.D. and it has to do mostly because of the Marvel association. Sure it will be helmed by Joss Whedon who gave us Buffy the Vampire Slayer but he may be more focused on The Avengers 2 then the television show. Then there is the cast of unknowns, both actors and characters, none of which I am told are a part of the comic books aside from Agent Coulson who was last seen bleeding out. Colbie Smulders may make an appearance or two this season but How I Met Your Mother will stop any major arc. Sure that show is ending this season making Maria Hill available full time next season, but if the show does not come out of the gates like gangbusters there may not be a second season. S.H.I.E.L.D. does go against last season most watched scripted show N.C.I.S. and is launching ABC completely new Tuesday line up (it did luck out that NBC pushed The Voice to 9:00 and only has to go against the aging Biggest Loser and what looks to be a very vulnerable FOX comedy hour that also features two new shows including the much maligned Dads). If the show does not get a second season, it may go down as the biggest flop on television ever.

3. Will Once Upon a Time or Revenge Break Out of Their Sophomore Slumps? These two were the best two new network shows of 2011. Revenge dropped off the bigger cliff with The Initiative storyline which managed to be complicated and boring at the same time. I do not recall Emily crossing one person off her list. Apparently someone at the network thought the same thing, gone for season three is the showrunner and Ashley will soon fallow. While on Once Upon a Time, it became clear that the introduction of magic into Storybrooke just did not work. But unlike Revenge, the network is doubling down on the fairytale and launching Once Upon a Time: Wonderland in its Thursday 8:00 deathslot in hopes for its first hit there since Ugly Betty way back in 2006. (Since then there have been one and done seasons of FlashForward, The Deep End, My Generation, Take the Money and Run, Charlie’s Angels, Missing, Duets, Last Resort, and Zero Hour).

4. Will Miniseries Make a Comeback? NBC sure hopes for. They have been going with the spaghetti philosophy for a while throwing everything against the wall, putting Jay Leno on five nights a week, a three hour comedy block, not filming pilots, comedy four nights a week, launching shows off the Olympics, they even tried ripping off Mad Men (R.I.P. The Playboy Club). Yet The Voice may be their only big success story since the start of the disastrous Ben Silverman era back in 2007. Now they are getting back into the mini-series business, a staple of the network television last century. This may be wise because many of their full “series” do not air more than four hours as it is or just get burned off on Saturdays. NBC made their first slash by acquiring the rights to the sequel to History’s blockbuster mini-series The Bible (who knew there was a Bible sequel?). They made an even bigger splash by announcing a Hilary Clinton mini-series starring Diane Lane (who is way too attractive to play Hilary; she better get Charlize Theron’s make-up artist from Monster) who naturally made FOX News talking head’s explode claiming it would be unfair advertising for her inevitable White House run two years later, and even angered MSNBC anchors who do not want to be inadvertently linked to a political movie. Of course NBC is probably courting the controversy because it will only drive up its ratings because liberals will watch hoping for a fluff piece while conservative will watch because they like complaining about stuff. NBC also announced they will be jumping on the Stephan King bandwagon (whose Under the Dome adaptation is the most watched new summer series in decade) by airing a new The Tommyknockers miniseries (which already happened in 1993) as well as a reboot of the move Rosemary’s Baby and Plymouth about the Pilgrim’s journey across the Atlantic and the difficulties of settling in a new country. No other network is currently getting into the mini-series game, but on cable FX has already announced a couple limited series including a new Fargo show from the Coen Brothers starring Billy Bob Thornton.

5. Will Masters of Sex Live up to My Expectations? It stars Lizzy Caplan, in a show called Masters of Sex, all signs point towards yes.


As the great philosopher Butt-Head once pondered, “If it weren’t for things that sucked, how would we know if something was awesome,” so here are the five least anticipated questions of the new television season.

1. When Will Ted Meet the Mother? I stopped caring who the mother was back in season two and even though we finally met the mother, I still do not care how Ted meets her. Making things worse, rumor has it that the whole season will take place over the course of Barney and Robin’s wedding day which means the meeting will not come until the end of the season. Ugg. At least this is the final season.

2. Can Mixology Really Cram an Entire Season into One Night? The only thing worse that a full season taking place over one day is a full season taking place over one night. That is the hook for new show Mixology which follows ten single twenty-something’s, most that do not know each other at the beginning of the night, as they try hooking up before last call. And you though Work It would be ABC’s worst decision this decade. And yes I will be hate-watching all five episodes that air before it is mercifully canceled.

3. Who Needed to See Colton on Survivor Ever Again? I rolled my eyes when he showed up on the spoiler list and now that it is official I have to wonder who needs more racist gay Republicans from Alabama on their television screens. Now there are players you love to hate, most notably the first season winner Richard Hatch, but Colton was a contestant you just hate and I cannot image anyone wanting to see them on their televisions again. But I have to give Colton some credit, to this day, whenever I am accused of being racist (or even anti-gay), my stock response is that I cannot be racist (or anti-gay) because I would push through a crowd of women to make out with Shamar Moore. That never gets old.

4. Will The Voice Continue to Be the Blake Shelton Show? It has been reported that returning coach Christina Aguilera joke during the filming of the season five Blind Auditions that she heard The Voice turned into The Blake Shelton Show in her absence. Honey, I hate to break it to you, it always was The Blake Shelton Show and you were the least interesting and least competent judge on the show the first three seasons. I was fine with The Blake Shelton Show the first seasons when he cultivated diverse teams and pushed them to be better artists. But last season Blake went country or bust (which was a shame because Caroline Glaser could have been his Dia Frampton or Cassadee Pope this past season), turning The Voice into a Nashville Star, and if the show goes hard on the single genre again (or any single genre), it will start getting Nashville Star type ratings, which only lasted one season on NBC before getting canceled.

5. Seriously, the CW still exists? Who knew? Wake me up when they turn the Veronica Mars Movie into a weekly television series.


Enough with the questions, here are the shows I will be watching this fall and their premiere dates (new shows I will be giving a trial run in italics):

Mondays
8:00 – How I Met Your Mother (September 23)
8:00 – The Voice (September 23)
9:00 – 2 Broke Girls (September 23)
10:00 - The Blacklist (September 23)
10:00 – Castle (September 23)

Tuesdays
8:00 – Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (September 24)
8:00 – The Voice (September 24)
10:00 – Sons of Anarchy (September 10)

Wednesdays
8:00 – Survivor: Blood vs. Water (September 18)
8:00 – The Middle (September 25)
8:30 – Back in the Game (September 25)
9:00 – Modern Family (September 25)
9:30 – Super Fun Night (October 2)
10:00 – Nashville (September 25)

Thursdays
8:00 – The Big Bang Theory (September 26)
8:00 – Once Upon a Time in Wonderland (October 10)
8:30 – The Millers (September 26)
9:30 – The Michael J. Fox Show (one hour premiere starting at 9:00 on September 26)
10:00 – Parenthood (September 26)

Fridays
8:00 – Last Man Standing (September 20)
8:30 – The Neighbors (September 20)
9:00 – Grimm (October 25)

Sundays
8:00 – Once Upon a Time (September 29)
9:00 - Homeland (September 29)
9:00 – Revenge (September 29)
10:00 – Masters of Sex (September 29)
10:00 – Betrayal (September 29)

The Five Most Anticipated Albums of Summer 2013

It has not been a very good year for music. If you think about this time last year we had Fun. and Gotye blowing up while The Lumineers were still bubbling up. This year: nothing. There is not even anything this year as annoyingly catchy as Call Me Maybe (sorry Macklemore). It is probably not a good sign that were are almost halfway through the year and my personal favorite album so far was a traditional country album (Kacey Musgraves debut). Hopefully that will change soon, possibly as early as tomorrow as there are a few worth wild albums coming our way in the second half of 2013. Unfortunately most of them are currently listed under the dreaded TBD which usually means we will not get them until around Christmas. Here are five or six albums that we should hear before the leaves start turning.

1. The Civil Wars – The Civil Wars (August 6): The duo put out one of the best debut albums this decade but a couple months ago they canceled their tour due to “internal discord and irreconcilable differences of ambition.” They were not breaking but it was ominous nonetheless. But as Fleetwood Mac showed “internal discord and irreconcilable differences of ambition” can lead to great music. You could not claim anything on their debut to be cheerful, but first single The One That Got Away (as in I wish you were the one that got away) actually sound darker than their first batch of songs. Who knows if we will ever get a third album (The Mac did manage to release six after Rumours), but the second one is shaping up nicely.

2. From Here to Now to You – Jack Johnson (September 17): Jack got some early promotion for the new album when he filled in as the headliner for a last minute cancellation by Mumford and Sons. First single I Got You is another laid back acoustic, sitting on the deck at the end of the day song that Johnson excels at. It is too bad we will have to wait until the end of the summer to hear most of the rest of the album.

3. The Blessed Unrest – The Blessed Unrest - Sara Bareilles (July 16): I am not totally sold on the first single Brave which was co-written with one of the dudes from Fun, but Sara’s first two album s were solid, so hopefully there are better things to come on her third.

4. Yeezus – Kanye West (Tomorrow): This would have been number one on my list, and then I heard Kanye perform two songs on Saturday Night Live and got a horrible 808's and Heartbreaks flashbacks. But instead of the crappy emo and auto-tune drenched songs inspired by the mope rock of last decade, New Slave and Black Skinhead sounded like Kanye was listening to way too much Joy Division and other moody new wave acts of the early eighties. Not a very good first impressions. Hopefully the rest of the album is much better.

5. Haim / Churchill (TBD): Neither new band has had the bust out moment that Gotye or Fun had last year, but both released solid four song EPs over the past year and are both are aiming at a full length debut later this year that hopefully live up to the early hype building around both bands.

And here are the rest of the albums worth at least one stream on Spotify coming your way this summer. Click on the album name to pre-order the album on Amazon or the artist’s name to go to their iTunes page.

Tomorrow
Anthem – Hanson
More Light – Primal Scream

June 25
Love Is the Future – John Legend
Vh1 Storytellers – Alicia Keys
One True Vine – Mavis Staples
Moonlander - Stone Gossard
Sound The Alarm – Booker T.
Gifted – Wale

July 4
Magna Carta Holy Grail - Jay-Z

July 9
Dont Look Down – Skylar Grey
My Name Is – Pusha T

July 16
Last of the Great Pretenders – Matt Nathanson
Where Does This Door Go – Mayer Hawthorne
Amelita – Court Yard Hounds
Electric – Pet Shop Boys
Lickety Split – Robert Randolph & The Family Band
Walk Through Exits Only – Philip H. Anselmo and The Illegals
White Teeth, Black Thoughts – Cherry Poppin' Daddies
One – Sarah Miles

July 23
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros – Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
Stars Dance – Selena Gomez
A New Era Begins – Mariah Carey

July 30
In a World Like This – Michael Franti & Spearhead

August 6
Give The People What They Want – Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings

August 13
Paradise Valley - John Mayer

August 27
Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action – Franz Ferdinand
Electric Slave – Black Joe Lewis
Age Against the Machine – Goodie Mob

September
Mechanical Bull – Kings of Leon
Wise Up Ghost – Elvis Costello and The Roots
The Last Ship – Sting
New Constellations – Toad the Wet Sprocket
Hesitation Marks – Nine Inch Nails
Spreading Rumours – Grouplove
The Worse Things Get, The Harder I Fight, The Harder I Fight, The More I Love You – Neko Case

October
Mountains of Sorrow, Rivers of Song – Amos Lee

TBD
& Then You Shoot Your Cousin – The Roots
The Last Zulu – Q-Tip
Speak a Little Louder – Diane Birch
The Electric Lady – Janelle Monáe
A Better Tomorrow – Wu-Tang Clan
The Diving Board – Elton John
James River - D'Angelo
Girl Power – Cee Lo Green
Fly International Luxurious – Raekwon
Fading West – Switchfoot
Crystal Meth – Method Man
Blackout 3 – Method Man & Redman
Matangi – M.I.A.
Broken – Nelly Furtado
Street King Immortal – 50 Cent
All Over the Place - Avril Lavigne
AC/DC
Arcade Fire
Beck
Beyoncé
The Black Keys
Broken Bells
Eminem
Foster the People
Lauryn Hill
Pearl Jam

And of course, let me end with the obligatory this may be the season we finally get to hear Detox by Dr. Dre.

The 10 Most Anticipated Movies of 2013-14

Yesterday I created ten fake movie remakes (see 10 Remakes I would Pay to See) and today I come back to reality with ten movies that I will actually get to see over the next year or so.

10. Inttersteller (November 7 2013) – Not much is known about this movie based on a treatment from theoretical physicist Kip Thorne, something about wormholes, maybe, but it will be directed by Christopher Nolan who will team up with The Dark Knight Rises collaborators Anne Hathaway and Michael Caine along with Jessica Chastain and Matthew McConaughey. There is a good chance this will be much higher, if not number one by the time I do my next Most Anticipated Movies list.

9. The Wolf of Wall Street (November 15): Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio team up for the fifth time and considering the previous ones include Gangs of New York, The Aviator, The Departed, and Shudder Island, this should be another good one. And that is before you add in the co-stars Kyle Chandler, Johan Hill, Matthew McConaughey, Jon Favreau, along with Margot Robbie who was last seen filling out a Pan-Am uniform very well.

8. Now You See Me (May 31) – I am always done for a good magic movie, and though this may not be as good as Christopher Nolan’s The Prestige, the trailer makes it look really good with the magician robbing a bank thousands of miles ago in front of a studio audience. Bonus points for reteaming Zombieland’s Jessie Eisenberg and Woody Harrelson.

7. Man of Steel (June 14) – I am still tepidly optimistic for the latest Superman movie. None of the trailer have given me goosebumps yet, but then none of them really give us much of a glimpse of Michael Shannon as General Zod, and lets face it, superhero movies are only as good as their antagonists and very people do creepy scary like Shannon does.

6. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (October 11) – The first Sin City was a visual masterpiece and Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller have teamed up again for the sequil that will see Jessica Alba, Rosario Dawson, Jamie King, Powers Boothe, Mickey Rourke, and Bruce Green reprising their roles with Eva Green, Josh Brolin, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt adding new flavors to four shorts that will comprise the movie. If this is good as the first, hopefully we will not have to wait another eight years for a third installment.

5. Thor: The Dark World (November 8) – Phase 2 of The Avenger’s saga kicked off earlier this month with the third Iron film but for me, of the four precursors to the second Avenger’s film, I am most looking forward to the net Thor movie (Captain America: The Winter Soldier arrives April 4, 2014 while the new kids on the block Guardians of the Galaxy featuring a gun toting raccoon and a talking tree debuts in August of next year). The original was my favorite solo film and Natalie Portman (along with sidekick Kat Dennings) is back along with Loki, who Thor actually calls on for help in the trailer. This should be interesting.


4. This Is the End (June 14) – This may very well be one of those comedies where all the funny bits are in the trailer, but then again, this trailer has more laughs in it than most comedies. And the Apatow family tree rarely disappoints. And speaking of the Apatow family tree, basically everyone associated with him appears in the movie, it is brimming with so many collaborators, most of them do not even make it out of the trailer alive: Aniz Ansari, Jason Segal, David Krumholz, Michael Cera: dead, dead, dead, and dead. And with everyone dead, they will need someone to replace those friends, and so Emma Watson enters with an ax. Awesome. There is no way this ends badly, at least for the viewers.


3. Kick-(Expletive Deleted) 2 (August 14) – Hit-Girl was one of the most memorable characters of the past decade and sure a fifteen year old girl may not be as entertaining as a twelve year old with a mouth of a sailor, but the sequel looks just as fun as the hero formerly known as Red Mist build an army of supervillains to combat Hit-Girl and her ever-growing posse of superheroes which includes Jim Carey doing his best Marry Hamlin impression.


2. The World’s End (July 19) – Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost kicked off the zombie crazy with Shaun of the Dead, lampooned the police with Hot Fuzz, and will end their trilogy with aliens with what will probably be the greatest drinking movie ever in the history of time.


1. Veronica Mars (Early 2014) – Rob Thomas almost destroyed the internet when he created a Kickstarter campaign for the prematurely canceled Veronica Mars. A month later it broke the record for fastest to $1 million dollars (four hours), $2 million (11 hours), most backers ever (by over four thousand), and was the highest funded film on the sight (it more than doubled Zach Braff’s film that was launched after Veronica Mars) and was third overall. Filming starts next month, and as of now only Kristen Bell and her on screen father Enrico Colantoni are officially signed on (along with the waiter who got his role through Kickstarter) but you can expect Logan, Dick, Wallace, Mac, Weevil and surprisingly Rob said there is also parts in the outline for Piz and Parker will not be far behind (here are ten other Neptune residents I hope pop up in the movie). Even though the show has been off the air for six years, if the movie is half as entertaining as the Kickstarter video, it should be thoroughly entertaining.

The Five Most (and Least) Anticipated New Shows of Fall 2013

A surprising thing happened this week, most every show I watch got renewed. The only shows that got the ax that I watched every episode of were Deception, Happy Endings, Last Resort, and Go On (Hannibal still hangs in the balance which may not a very good sign). And really the latter of the three was the only one I will be sad to go (maybe TBS will pick it up to make a post-Friends hour with Cougar Town). So I really am not looking forward to adding many new shows, but here are a few that piqued my interest as the most promising shows of the upcoming season

1. Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Tuesdays at 8:00 on ABC) – I am not sure if airing the most buzzed about new show of the fall against the most watched show on television. Sure ninety percent of the NCIS audience is in nursing homes and S.H.I.E.L.D. looks to attract a much more younger and hip audience so even with the stiff competition it should debut big. But will people stick around after they realize Robert Downey Jr., Samuel Jackson, Scarlette Johansson, Mark Ruffalo (in human or CGI form) or even Chris Evans probably will never even make a cameo on the show. All you will get is the reanimated corpses of Phil Coulson (and I am guessing maybe Maria Hill if there is a second season when How I Met Your Mother is no longer on the air). But Joss Whedon has already made three extremely entertaining television shows and if this is show is anything like the Item 47 short (which I assume it is), it should be entertaining in its own right even without any superheroes flying around.


2. The Blacklist (Mondays at 10:00 on NBC) – For the last two season, all the networks have been greenlighting a bunch of shows that look like they would be better as a movie than a twenty-two episode season, and most of them do not even make it to its fourteenth episode let alone its twenty-second. The Blacklist is another in that phylum, but two things make it more palatable than its predecessors. It looks like they will be crossing one person off “the blacklist” every episode making it very procedural. It also has the benefit of airing after The Voice which means it will likely make it to a second season before it is sent off to die on Wednesdays in the fall of 2014 (sorry Revolution, have fun being burned off on Saturdays by Thanksgiving). Though I am not sure what to think of James Spader slowly morphing into a combination of Corbin Bersen and Hunter S. Thompson.


3. The Michael J. Fox Show (Thursdays at 9:30 on NBC) – I may have been the only person who enjoyed Matthew Perry’s dead wife show so I am not sure if there will be an audience for Michael J. Fox’s Parkinson’s show, but I have to admit I laughed pretty hard at his daughter exploited class video presentation.


4. The Millers (Thursdays at 8:30) – There is probably no one happier at the Arrested Development reboot than Will Arnett because he has not been funny since the show went off the air. So maybe things will be turning around for Arnett. He is headlining the new show from Greg Garcia (My Name is Earl) except it is a multi-camera laugh track comedy. It also stars Mags Bennett as his mom. But it is Mags Bennett doing comedy. This show can go either way.


5. Back in the Game (Wednesdays at 9:30 on ABC) – I have always like Maggie Lawson but she always cast in crappy one and done sitcoms (anyone remember Inside Schwartz, It’s All Relative, or Crumbs?). I got excited when she showed up on Justified only to be show dead by Raylan. Hopefully her new show breaks the curse even if it sounds a lot like the recently canceled How to Live With Your Parents (For the Rest of Your Life). But this could work if they go full on Bad News Bears and not the watered down television sitcom version I fear it may be. Then again, the trailer opens with Lawson saying, “See you on the field, Dick,” so there is hope.


As the great philosopher Butt-Head once pondered, “If it weren’t for things that sucked, how would we know if something was awesome,” here are the least anticipated shows of the season (click on their names to check out their trailers).

1. Mixology (Midseason ABC) – An entire season takes place at one bar over one night? Wow, this sounds like the dumbest premise ever. Even at midseason with about twelve episodes, that is still six hours at the same bar. Did no one actually think this out?

2. Ironside (Wednesdays at 10:00 on NBC) – It is not a good sign that my only take away from the trailer of this show is that the chick from Greek may overtake Rachel Leigh Cook on Perception as the most unrealistic law enforcement agent currently on television. It is so absurd I may watch all four episodes it airs before being cancels just to see her try to act like a cop.

3. Killer Woman (Midseason ABC) – I got a good laugh at “executive produced by Sofia Vergara”. Sadly this is not a comedy. And Canadian Trisha Helfer as a Texas Ranger may rival Spencer Grammer for the title of most unrealistic law enforcement agent currently on television.

4. Mom (Mondays at 9:30 on CBS), Dads (Tuesday at 8:00 on Fox) – Chuck Lorre and Seth McFarlane are two of the least funny people on television, yet CBS and Fox keep giving them more and more shows. Even worse, America keeps watching them.

5. Dracula (Fridays at 10:00 on NBC), Sleepy Hollow (Mondays at 9:00 on Fox), and Once Upon a Time in Wonderland (Thursdays at 8:00 on ABC) – After the success of Once Upon a Time and Grimm, it was only a matter of time before we got a bunch of famous retellings. Now we get three including a Once Upon a Time spin-off and they all look dreadful.


Of course the most fun part of the schedule release is guessing which shows will be canceled first and here are the five most likely candidates.

1. We Are Men (CBS)
2. Lucky 7 (ABC)
3. Sean Saves the World (NBC)
4. Betrayal (ABC)
5. Hostages (CBS)


And here is what I will be watching next far including the new shows in italics that I will at least check out once or twice.

Mondays
8:00 – How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
8:00 – The Voice (NBC) (assuming it does not become the country and RnB show this season became)
9:00 – 2 Broke Girls (CBS)
10:00 – Castle (ABC)
10:00 – The Blacklist (NBC)

Tuesdays
8:00 – Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC)
9:00 - The Goldbergs (ABC)
9:00 – The Voice (NBC)

Wednesdays
8:00 - Survivor (CBS)
8:00 – The Middle (ABC)
8:30 – Back in the Game (ABC)
9:00 – Modern Family (ABC)
9:30 – Super Fun Night (ABC)
10:00 – Nashville (ABC)

Thursdays
8:00 – The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
8:30 – The Millers (CBS)
8:00 – Once Upon a Time in Wonderland (ABC)
9:30 – The Michael J. Fox Show (NBC)
10:00 – Parenthood (NBC)

Fridays
8:00 – Last Man Standing (ABC)
8:30 – The Neighbors (ABC)
9:00 – Grimm (NBC)

Sundays
8:00 – Once Upon a Time (ABC)
9:00 - Homeland (Showtime)
9:00 – Revenge (ABC)
10:00 - Masters of Sex (Showtime)
10:00 – Betrayal (ABC)

The Thirteen Events That Will Make 2013 Awesome

Thirteen is supposed to be an unlucky number, but there are a few things worth looking forward to the thirteenth year of this decade.

13. Detox – Dr. Dre: It is becoming an annual tradition to start off this list by saying this may be the year Dr. Dre finally releases Detox, but considering he was not able to get it out before the Mayan apocalypse, I think it is a safe bet to take the over on the release of Detox compared to any other event, be it the Cubs winning the World Series, a Veronica Mars movie, or Hayden Panettiere winning an acting award. It does not help that last year 50 Cent said that Dr. Dre is no longer interested in Detox (much like the general public) and it may just be released as an EP at some point.

12. The Mayans Were Wrong (Probably): Sure we are in the unlucky thirteen year, but hey, we are still here. Unless of course you did not think the world was going to explode in mid-December and instead the world would die slowly and we were too busy looking for some big apocalypse we missed the small catalyst that will being on the end of the world as we know it. Since you are still alive, make sure you go out and enjoy life this year. I would say that you only live once, but I do not want to get sued by Drake. Plus Nancy Sinatra is significantly better than Drake and she said you only live twice.

11. Sequels That Won’t Suck (Hopefully): The Last Exorcism 2 (March 1), Kick-(Expletive Deleted) 2 (June 28), Grown Ups 2 (July 12), RED 2 (August 2), Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters (August 16), Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (October 4), and Thor: The Dark World (November 8) all had entertaining to great original films and statistically speaking a couple of the seven will probably have a good serial. Okay I do not have high hopes for the second The Last Exorcism because, well, it is an oxymoron but hopefully the other live up to the first movies or at the very least half of them do.

10. S.H.E.I.L.D. the TV Series: Joss Whedon back doing television would be awesome enough, but continuing his work in the Marvel universe makes this doubly awesome. The only way it could have been more awesome is if Lizzy Caplain, who starred in the Item 47 short film, would have continued her character on the new show (she is otherwise busy, but more on her later). No superheroes on the television show (unless you count the reanimated corpse of Phil Coulson) and a cast of unknowns but I have full faith in Whedon. Hopefully the show will be ready by the fall and does not flutter out like the Wonder Woman reboot that never ended up making it to air.

9. No National Elections: I am sure most of those that live in the United States do care either way, but for those of us living in swing states, no political ads or robocalls are very welcome in this off election year. Unfortunately it looks like 2016 will be worse than last year because Sheldon Adelson, who may have been the biggest loser after backing numerous losing candidates with what is believed to be over $100 million (almost a dollar for every vote cast), plans to double down in the future.

8. Man of Steel: I am still cautiously optimistic about the latest Superman reboot. Zack Snyder’s last movie was so poorly received that there was a groundswell to kick him off the movie. I love Christopher Nolan’s Batman movies, but as executive producer of the movie I fear he may make Superman more serious than he should be. But on the flipside, it cannot possible be worse than the Krypton in the Atlantic Ocean plot from Superman Returns. Can it? We will find out June 28.

7. A New U2 Album: Ever since U2 released No Line on the Horizon in 2009, the group has been teasing that the session had enough songs for another new album which they even dubbed Songs of Accent. That album has yet to materialize but the group, but their record company announced that they would be releasing a new album this year. No word on if the album will be Songs of Ascent, work they have done with Danger Mouse, or a dance album they have also supposedly been working on.

6. Warm Bodies: After Zombieland I declared the 10’s (the tens? The teens? What exactly are we calling this decade?) the decade of zombies. Since then there has been numerous movies, even the kids in The Cabin In The Woods ended up summoning zombies, The Walking Dead is crushing cable ratings records, and thanks to the bath salt epidemic that created actual living zombies. Of course there would eventually be someone who would come along and bastardize zombies with a crappy Twilight with zombies type movie. At least that is what I thought Warm Bodies was going to be until I saw the trailer and, surprise, not only did it not look painfully bad, it actually looked like it will be good. Warm Bodies, coming February 1, is not the only major zombie movie making its way to theaters this year as the oft delayed Brad Pitt World War Z is set to premiere this summer.

5. The Evil Dead: Does the world need a reboot of The Evil Dead? No. Even if Sam Raimi is involved? Not really. Does it need one where Ash is a chick? Goodness no. Even if it is the chick from Suburgatory? Probably not. Will I get excited if this movie leads to Tessa Altman vs. The Army of Darkness? Frack yes!

4. More From The Black Keys: The duo just released El Camino thirteen months ago but it does not sound like we will have to wait very much longer for the next album as the band expects it to be done by the end of Spring. It seems like only Rihanna releases as much music (seven in eight years), but where a Rihanna album is lucky to have one to three catchy songs, The Black Keys always release great albums. No word yet if the album will again be produced by Danger Mouse, who did two of the band’s last three albums.

3. Gangster Squad: After watching Crazy, Stupid, Love, I decreed that every movie should star Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling. Apparently someone was listening because the duo will be playing opposite each other in the period piece set to hit theaters next week. I am sure the duo could even make an Innerspace reboot awesome (McLovin of course would then play Martin Short, make this happen Hollywood).


2. Grand Theft Auto V: After all the massacres, people wondered if the upcoming Grand Theft Auto will be the last of its kind. It is doubtful as long as there is money to be made. And it is always cheap to blame entertainment for society’s ills when it is the parents that should be accountable for letting their kids to watch or play such violent games. I have played all four GTA games released on the two Playstation games and remain fiercely anti-gun. Plus the games are not all bad, you can also steal ambulances and cop cars and do good through the city. GTA V takes the game out west to San Andreas for the first time in modern times and the first modern game to take place outside of Liberty City. Little else is known about the game except it is supposed to be even bigger than the fourth installment and it is expected to be released sometime this spring.


1. Masters of Sex – Seriously, Lizzy Caplan is starring in something entitled Masters of Sex. The show cannot premiere soon enough (but will probably hit Showtime no sooner than April).

The Five Most (and Least) Anticipated Questions for 2012 Fall Television

Tonight starts the slow rollout of the fall network schedule with the return of The Voice (Go On, Parenthood, and Sons of Anarchy all return tomorrow) so I thought I would share some of the biggest questions going into the fall season of television.

1. Is Carrie Still Cray-Cray? Last season on Homeland, the crazier Carrie got, the more entertaining the show got culminating in the great episode where Carrie went off her meds and created some crazy genius wall collage. Unfortunately like every other crazy person on television last season she elected to have electo-shock therapy. I cannot image she will be sane enough to rejoin the CIA even if everybody learns she was right about Brody all along. Of course this is television so they will probably find away unless she becomes a private contractor for Saul.

2. What Will the Purple Mist Bring to Storybrooke? Okay, the clear answer is that the purple mist we saw in the season finale of Once Upon a Time was magic, so the real question is what that means for the characters? And how do the relationships change now that everybody knows each other’s past? Oh yeah, and Captain Hook better be epic.

3. Will The Governor Be As Awesome as the Comic Book People Say? During the long slog that was the second season of The Walking Dead, all I heard from the comic book people was just wait until they get to The Prison. The Governor, who runs the place, is awesome. And Michonne, who made a cameo in the season finale with her armless and jawless slaves, is also up there in entertainment value. I have come to distrust The Walking Dead writers, so call me skeptical.

4. Will NBC’s Comedy Bet Pay Off? The last two times NBC doubled down on comedy did not really pay off. Two seasons ago they had their three hour comedy block on Thursdays that only lasted about two months. And of course there was the Jay Leno Hour disaster before that. Now they are going to a comedy block every weekday except Mondays (unless you consider Christina Aguilera’s coaching style on The Voice laughable). Surprisingly they ear not even laughing any new comedies during their much vaunted (but lowly watched) two hour Thursday night block. Instead Animal Practice and Guys with Kids are put out on an island to start Wednesdays. Go On and The New Normal do get the cushy post-The Voice slot on Tuesdays (except in Utah where the gay-homosexuals got banned, natch). While returning shows Whitney and Community get sent off to the Friday death slot in what may be the weirdest pairing ever. Will all this funny work out? Of the ten shows on the fall schedule (and four waiting for midseason, including The Office spin-off) I would be surprised if over half make it to Fall 2013. If I were Vegas, I would put the over/under at four, which would mean ten get the ax.

5. Is Beavis and Butt-Head Returning? Seriously, Beavis & Butthead was one of the few reboots that were just as good as the original run (aside from the boys watching crappy television). But after the show ended I have not heard anything about the show since be it renewed or canceled. Yet MTV keep on churning out unfunny live action comedies.


Speaking of the great philosopher Butt-Head who once gave us this gem, “If it weren’t for things that sucked, how would we know if something was awesome?” Here are five questions no one cares enough to have answered.

1. Who Is the Titular Mother? Unless they somehow explain that Victoria was the mother on How I Met Your Mother all along, I still do not care.

2. What Turned Off the Lights on Revolution? Do not care. J.J. Abrams is a hack.

3. Has Haden Panettiere Learned How to Act Yet? A couple weeks ago, someone asked me if I thought that Brody’s wife on Homeland was the worst actress of all-time. I laughed at the assertion, not only is she not the worst of all time, she is not even the worst actress that currently has a job especially considering Hayden is co-headlining Nashville this fall. What is worse is she has to share the screen with one of the greats in Tami Taylor. Hurmph. It is too late to recast her with Julie Taylor?

4. Will Blair from Facts of Life Be Annoyingly Religious? In a word: yes. Why does Survivor always recruit these religious zealots that make normal Christians look bad? Is this some sly anti-Christian crusade by the show? Of course the better is will she make it to the family / friends reward, and did she choose to bring Tootie to the island?

5. Wait, The CW still exists? Who knew?


And here is what I will be watching this fall and when they return. Mark your calendars.


Mondays
8:00 How I Met Your Mother (September 24)
8:00 - Switched at Birth (Already premiered)
8:00 – The Voice (Tonight)
9:00 – 2 Broke Girls (September 24)
10:00 – Castle (September 24)

Tuesdays
9:00 – Go On (September 11)
9:00 – Happy Endings (October 23)
9:30 – Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 (October 23)
10:00 – Parenthood (September 11)
10:00 – Sons of Anarchy (September 11)

Wednesdays
8:00 – Survivor: Philippines (September 19)
8:00 – The Middle (September 26)
8:30 – The Neighbors (September 26 premieres at 9:30; moves to 8:30 on October 3)
8:00 - Animal Practice (September 26)
9:00 – Modern Family (September 26)
9:30 – Suburgatory (October 17)
10:00 – Nashville (October 10)
10:00 – The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons (September 19)

Thursdays
8:00 – The Big Bang Theory (September 27)
8:00 – Last Resort (September 27)

Fridays
8:00 – Last Man Standing (November 2)
8:30 – Community (October 19)
9:00 – Grimm (time slot premiere, September 14)

Sundays
8:00 – Once Upon a Time (September 30)
9:00 – Revenge (September 30)
9:00 – Dexter (September 30)
9:00 – The Walking Dead (October 14)
10:00 – Homeland (September 30)