First Impressions: Survivor: Samoa

Without any bells, whistles or catches of recent seasons, not even an Exile Island, the one thing Survivor: Samoa promised leading up to the season the “Biggest villain in Survivor history.” Really? A bigger tool than last season’s Coach Ben Wade? More facetious than Johnny “Fairplay” Dalton? More annoying than Boston Rob Mariano? More calculating than Lex van den Burghe? More pompous than the original Survivor villain Richard Hatch? It is hard to considering someone the biggest anything after one episode, but Russell Hantz might very well be.

Let’s rundown everything Russell did in the first episode. He poured out everyone’s water, put Jaison Robinson’s socks in the fire, made up a story of living in New Orleans as a fireman during Katrina in which his fake dog got swept away, created what he calls the “Dumb Blonde” alliance with three separate girls as well as well as another secret alliance with another then conspired to get one of them kicked off, Marisa Calihan, when she dared to say she is going to have to keep an eye on him who was as close to tears as anyone has gotten on their exit to the show. Yeah, it may be safe to say he is the biggest villain in Survivor history even if he gets voted off next week after being an angel all episode. But by the preview, at least the preview part won’t be happening.

Russell even overshadowed who should have been the breakout star of Samoa: Shambo, the forty something ex-marine that derived her nickname by mashing her God given name Shannon Waters and Rambo all the while sporting a greater mullet than Sylvester Stallone ever had. Other include the other Russell, Russell Swan who another contestant called a more attractive Lennox Lewis. Alrighty. Then there is personal chef Mike Borassi who has so much weird facial hair one has to wonder who would let him touch their food? And what would Survivor without hot chicks in bathing suits, and there are a plenty this time around even with the departure Marisa. But above all, Spa Salesman (huh?) Ashley Trainer takes home this season Chick Who I Would Have Dirty, Dirty Sex with Even if They Haven’t Bathed in 30 Days Award.

Swan was also a part of the small twist in that each tribe would pick, without actually talking to each other, their “leader.” Then the leader then in turn pick had to choose who they thought was the best swimmer, strongest, most agile, and smartest. Pretty cool twist with the winner taking back to their camp fire. With the evilness of Hantz running around the island, it is even harder to try and pick a winner this season. My preseason pick of rocket scientist John Fincher doesn’t look very wise after he botched his swimming leg of the relay. So I will put my fake money behind the moderately attractive law student Monica Padilla.

Survivor: Samoa airs Thursdays at 8:00 on CBS. You can stream recent episode on Innertube. You can also download Survivor on iTunes. Survivor came in at #10 on The 100 Greatest Television Shows of the 00's.