We on Award Tour: Big in 2006 Nominations

Yeah we havn’t even reached November yet, but that hasn’t stopped media outlet’s from trying to be the first to get out their Year End Wrap Out. I wouldn’t be surprised that within five years someone will be doing their Year End Extravaganza in August. But anyways. The first to reminisce about the year that was is VH1 that recently opened it’s voting for the Big in 06 Awards, click the link to vote yourself and much like the mid term elections next year, be sure to vote early, vote often., but don’t vote for the incumbents. The Big show will air December 3rd and be hosted by D.L. Hughley of the hopefully not canceled Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip who did a great job hosting the show a couple years back during the Paris Hilton sex tape era. No performers have been announced yet buy if there are any VH1 executives that are reading this, you must do everything in your power to make sure a “Weird Al” Yankovic / Chamillionaire duet happens.And now this years nominees as well as who I voted for in italics:


Big Entertainer
YouTube
Dane Cook
Jessica Simpson
Steve Carell
Johnny Depp

Gee, it looks like someone has a vested interest in the DVD sales of Employee of the Month. Way to honor Cook long after no one finds him funny anymore. And since when does two movie flops and dismal sales of an album make you a Big Entertainer? Two spots that could have went to Gnarls Barkley. Personally my vote is based on who took up the most of my time in 2006 and that was easily YouTube.


Big Reality Star

No nominees just yet. Right now you can nominate your favorite. I nominated Casey from the Real World/Road Rules Challenges: Fresh Meat/The Duel. Casey is easily the most entertaining reality star that MTV has produced in years. From fights the fights with her partner Wes, to making it to the finals without any physical attributes. Then coming back for The Duel admitting she spent her prize money on a new set of breasts. The final four will be announced November 14th and you can vote on them then. And here is who would fill out my top four: Flavor Flav (Flavor of Love), Josh (Beauty and the Geek), and Danielle’s Breasts (Survivor: Exile Island).


Big TV Star
John Stewart
Ellen Degeneres
Patrick Dempsey
Keifer Sutherland

Who would have thought back in the late eighties that twenty years later that the dudes from Can’t Buy Me Love and The Lost Boys would be nominated for this award. Granted I don’t watch either show, so I’ll go with who used to have a talk show on MTV. And where is Earl Hickey?


Big Musical Artist
Justin Timberlake
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Pussycat Dolls
Shakira

No Gnarls Barkley, no, Fray, no Christina Aguilera, no Killers, no “Weird Al” yet the Pussycat Dolls get nominated. It’s official, 2006 sucked.


Big Download
Jump in My Car - David Hasselhoff
London Bridge - Fergie
White and Nerdy - “Weird Al” Yankovic
Here it Goes Again - OK Go
What’s a Date - Lonely Girl Fifteen

This is an odd category because most of these were YouTube phenomenon and you can’t actually download those videos. But I’m just knick picking. If we are going by number of YouTube views though, then OK Go should win by a landslide, but nothing beats “Weird Al” in entertainment value.


Big Mama
Madonna
Britany Spears
Katie Holmes
Brooke Shields

Yeah, this is a pretty lame category. And you can tell that the nominees were chosen in the short span between when Madonna adopted her African baby and when the father wanted the boy back.


Big Breakthrough
The Cast of High School Musical
Jamie Pressly
Steven Colbert
Sasha Baron Cohen

It looks like VH1 also has vested interest in the Borat movie by putting Cohen in the category before he even broke threw. And not to sound like a broken record but where is Gnarls Barkley. When VH1 does I Love the 00’s you know Crazy will get plenty of screen time for the 2006 episode. But of the nominees you have to go with Pressley because after staring in cinematic gems like Poison Ivy 3 and the Jerry Springer movie, she somehow became the most entertain part of the funniest show on television.

Big Comeback
Rosie O'Donnell
Al Gore
David Hasselhoff
Howie Mandel
New Orleans Saints

Much like Madonna not getting her African baby, the Saints got spanked in New Orleans shortly after the nominees were announced. Yet another reason not to do your best of the year thing before Halloween. But I voted for them just because the other nominees are iffy with two coming back via a reality show and a game show. And how can Rosie be considered a comeback when she went from her own talk show to sharing time with the chick from Survivor and two other blowhards. Maybe I should vote for Gore because the last time I didn’t vote fore him bad things happens.


Hot It Girl
Katherine Heigl
Katharine McPhee
America Ferrera
Vanessa Minnillo

Four chicks from four shows I avoid like the plague. Let’s see here, one stared in a movie that not only did no one see, I don’t must people have even heard of it (Side Effects anyone? And did anyone see the Ringer while I’m at it?) another can pull off ugly way too easy (remember the nerdy version of Rachel Lee Cook in She’s All That was stilly pretty hittable), and one has Nick Lashey stench on her. And I don’t really follow the karaoke circuit, but didn’t the last one lose? And not only lost but lost to a dude even older than me? I went with Minnillo just because she the one I’d most want to have dirty, dirty sex with which says a lot considering the whole Lashey thing. Seriously where’s Scarlett Johansson, Evangeline Lilly and Kristen Bell, can’t we resurrect Rachel McAdams career for this please. I’d even take the chicks from High School Musical or Cassie over these girls.


Big Outlaw
Paris Hilton (DUI)
Willie Nelson (Drug Possession)
Mel Gibson (DUI)
Dick Chaney (Shot Dude in the Face)

Another reason why the awards are too soon in the year, they missed Snoop Dogg’s double whammy of drug and weapon charges on two separate occasions at an airport. Despite being the only one on the list that wasn’t actually charged, I went with Cheney solely in the hope that he shows up to accept the award and inadvertently shooting Hilton in the face.


Big Power Couple
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
Beyoncé and Jay-Z

Another lame award. I just went for the boys again just to see the acceptance speech which could be interrupted by Jake Gyllenhaal who was jealous that he wasn’t nominated with them.


Big Shocker
North Korea Tests a Nuke
Mark Foley Gets Caught
John Mark Carr Confesses
Bill Clinton Losses His Cool

It is well known that Kim Jong Il love Hollywood so if you tell him Clint Eastwood id there, he may just show up to accept the award so that why I voted for him. And if he doesn’t show you have the potential for the Kim Jong Il marionette from Team America to accept the award; either way this could be the most entertaining part of the whole show.

Ehlo's Revenge

Despite rarely ever watching the sport lately, I still participate in the fantasy version. Like much of my drafts lately, I got yet another late draft position drafting here eleventh out of twelve. But that only makes it sweeter when I win. Now here is the roster for Ehlo’s Revenge:


PG - Kirk Hinrich (Chicago Bulls)
SG - Ray Allen (Seattle Supersonics)
G - Jameer Nelson (Orlando Magic)
SF - Carmelo Anthony (Denver Nuggets)
PF - Adam Morrison (Charlotte Bobcats)
F - Shane Battier (Houston Rockets)
C - Chris Bosh (Toronto Raptors)
C --empty--
Util - Randy Foye (Minnesota Timberwolves)
Util - Speedy Claxton (Atlanta Hawks)
BN - Danny Granger (Indiana Pacers)
BN - Shaun Livingston (Los Angeles Clippers)
BN - Tyrus Thomas (Chicago Bulls)
BN - Rajon Rondo (Boston Celtics)

Yeah I didn’t draft enough centers, but there are only about five quality centers in the league, so getting centers were not high on my priority list. But I did work out a trade after the draft to send Granger to another team for Nendad Krstic who I was looking into drafting with my pick after Granger before other team poached him. But in the end I’ll be trading a bench player for a starter which is always a good thing.

I inadvertently went young this year with only one player with more than five years of service as well as four rookies, two of which I have starting so hopefully they all live up to the hype because this will be a really good or really bad season for me. And even though I haven’t watched and NBA game in two years, I still going to give my picks for the year:

Atlantic Division: New Jersey Nets
Central Division: Chicago Bulls
Southeast Division: Miami Heat
Southwest Division: San Antonio Spurs
Northwest Division: Denver Nuggets
Pacific Division: Phoenix Suns
Eastern Conference Championship: Heat over Bulls
Western Conference Championship: Spurs over Suns
NBA Championship: Spurs over Heat

Musings From the Back 9: Music Edition III

Ludacris - Release Therapy
Before Release Therapy dropped, Ludacris declared that this would be the album that the rap game would take him seriously not just a jester who would sport five foot afros and The Hulk hands in videos and even shaved his trademarck braids in the process. Then he goes and releases Moneymaker as the first single off the album with such thought provoking lyrics, “Took yo momma nine moths to make you, might as well shake what yo momma gave ya.” Okay, so Rakim he is not. But trying to be may not have been the best idea because the Luda created a nice niche for himself in rap but with this album, without the usual wit, he just sounds like everyone else. Then when he tries to grow out his boundaries, like with his soft diss track War with God, it just falls flat. And who exactly is he dissing here? He includes the line “Just do what your song says and shut the (expletive deleted) up” which is a line from his own Get Back. Being a rap album there are plenty of guests rappers including Young Jeezy, Field Mob, Pimp C, Beanie Sigel, and C-Murder along with hook singers, Pharrell, Bobby Valentino, R. Kelly and Mary J. Blige on the way too sentimental Runaway Love. Luda does save the best for last with church inspired Freedom of Preach where Luda takes the pulpit with Bishop Eddie L. Long. But it’s too little too late to save the album.

Release Therapy gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.


Sister Hazel - Absolutely
Remember the musical landscape of the nineties? It started out with the dark and bleak Grunge era and end with the onslaught with the uber-fluff of boy band. But somewhere in the middle there was a few years where rock music that were reminiscent of old time rock and roll ruled the charts with bands like Hootie and the Blowfish, Toad the Wet Sprocket and Better Than Ezra. One of the best songs from this period of music was All for You by Sister Hazel that was pretty much their only hit. And much like other bands from that era, are releasing an album to try to get back past success. But much like all those other bands (Better Than Ezra excluded), their new album entitled Absolutely sounds very nineties and is just a rehash of previous work granted with nothing as catchy as All for You. That doesn’t necessarily make it a bad album, This Kind of Love should be included on your next mixtape for a significant other, but the retro sound does it make a good one. Give it another decade before the nineties sound comes back in style.

Absolutely get a on my Terror Alert Scale.


Method Man - 4:21… the Day After
Method Man was always the breakout star of the Wu-Tang Clan. But to his credit, whenever the troupe reconvened for an album or tour, he was always there and would routinely recruited Clan alums to appear on his album or produce his tracks. But something seems different with his new album 4:21… the Day After, name after, well, just think of what the day before 4:21 is, and if you still don’t get it, the opening starts off with a “make marijuana legal” chant. But the album sounds overproduced thanks to weak tracks from Scott Storch, the guy who brought us Paris Hilton and Brooke Hogan. And for a guy from the dirty slums of Shaolin, his music should never sound overproduced. Bad production aside, Meth can still spit some quality although he lets his guest outshine him occasionally like the late great Ol’ Dirty Bastard on Dirty Mef and running mate Redman on Walk On, the standout track, and Red even has the best line on the album with “I’ll blow your mind like Kurt Cobain.” Lauryn Hill also makes a great appearance on Say. But some of the guests, like Morbidly Obese Joe on Ya’Meen, turns what should be a great track into a mediocre one.

4:21… the Day After gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Yippee-I-Yay Yippee-I-Yo

When it comes to “Weird Al” Yankovic, it’s always the parodies that get all the press, but for me, it’s the polkas that make the album. The parodies are always hit are miss, but Al has never made a bad polka and can usually turn an unlistenable song, much like the Pussycat Dolls Don’t Cha on his latest album, into thoroughly enjoyable medleys. If you are like me and find Al’s polka medleys entertaining, here’s a band for you: Me First and the Gimme Gimmes who take pop songs, but there genre of choice is punk. Comprised of members of NOFX and Foo Fighters, the band has been converting songs into punk since 1995 and you have not lived until you have heard their rendition of R. Kelly’s I Believe I Can Fly.

After albums featuring songs from the 60’s and 70’s (Have a Ball), show tunes (Are a Drag), R&B (Take a Break), as well the live album Ruin Johnny’s Bar Mitzvah which was recoded live at some dude named Johnny’s actual Bar Mitzvah. But on Love Their Country, the boys naturally focus on country music. Now even if you are like me and avoid country like the plague, you will most likely still recognize most of the songs here like On the Road Again (Willie Nelson), I’m So Lonely I Could Cry (Hank Williams Sr.), Looking for Love (Johnny Lee). Also look out for other country artists that actually don’t suck like Johnny Cash, Kenny Rogers (not to be confused with the cheating baseball player), John Denver, and The Eagles, and yes Desperado is basically a country song.

But the highlights of the album are their versions of Dolly Parton’s Jolene and the Dixie Chick’s Goodbye Earl if only it’s extremely hilarious hearing a dude singing very female specific lyrics which they don’t change at all. If there is one complaint it would be that the band chooses Garth Brooks Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old) with the begging to be mocked Friends in Low Places. Well that and the under a half an hour run time. Plus the album has the potential to get old real quick, but I’m just knit picking here.

Song to Download - Goodbye Earl

Love Their Country gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Toss Up: Lost vs Veronica Mars week 4

Before I get to this week Toss Up between Lost and Veronica Mars, I just have to say Dick making a house call to the Mars apartment may have been the greatest scene in the whole series, from Dick saying he once picked up his maid there, to “Why rape a cow when you’re swimming in free milk,” to Dick calling the Mars kitchenette cute, and Dick saying thanks threw the door because Ronnie told him to leave now before she changed her mind. The Dick and Ronnie scenes are always the best so it make me wonder how long until Vee sports an “I (Heart) Dick” t-shirt. And seriously how has this scene not made it to YouTube yet? But anyways. Onto the Toss Up:


Tour around the Habitat
Lost: Not- Henry takes Sawyer up a hill to see that there are two islands
Veronica Mars: Dick invites himself around and scouts out Ronnie’s cute kitchen
Winner: Veronica Mars


Caught on Tape
Lost: Sawyer plotting his escape
Veronica Mars: The possible rapist was caught having Claire use her ATM
Winner: Lost


Back Together
Lost: Apparently the dude from The Drew Carey Show has worked with the creator of Lost before
Veronica Mars: The cast of Just Shoot Me
Winner: Veronica Mars


Welcome to the Family
Lost: Sawyer’s daughter
Veronica Mars: Logan’s half brother
Winner: Lost


Reading Material
Lost: Of Mice and Men
Veronica Mars: Heart Free Press
Winner: Lost


Double Cross
Lost: Sawyer used the dude from The Drew Carey Show to get out of jail
Veronica Mars: The dude from Calico Girls used the other Logan to scoop a story
Winner: Veronica Mars


Not
Lost: Not-Henry
Veronica Mars: Not-Charlie
Winner: Lost


Form of entertainment
Lost: Golfing with apples
Veronica Mars: Baywatch pinball machine
Winner: Veronica Mars


Forced Form of Entertainment
Lost: Watching cartoons in a shark tank
Veronica Mars: Being groped in a Boo Room
Winner: Lost


Follow the Money
Lost: Sawyer tries to make it hard for his daughter to find out who gives her money
Veronica Mars: Logan’s business made it hard to find out where his trust fund is going
Winner: Lost


Working for the Enemy
Lost: Jacks helps operate on an Other
Veronica Mars: Ronnie clears the Pi Sigs of any wrong doing
Winner: Veronica Mars


Work Clothes
Lost: Juliet wears her Dharma scrubs to operate on the dying Other
Veronica Mars: Vee wears a pants suit when interviewing the Pi Sigs
Winner: Veronica Mars


New Guys
Lost: In four episodes we’ve seen a fleeting glimpse one of the new chicks and not much more of the new dude
Veronica Mars: In four episodes, Piz has been MIA half the time and Parker was missing for one
Winner: Veronica Mars


A close win for Veronica Mars this week with both shows rebounding from poor outings last week. But here is something that is bugging me with both shows that I hinted at in the lat toss up of this week that both shows are not really doing a very good job handling the new cast members. Veronica Mars has done slightly better when they introduced Piz and Parker in episode one but Piz was missing from two of the next three episodes and Parker “went to the gym” after the previous episodes mini cliffhanger where she may have gone back home with her parents. Then on Lost aside from, Juliet, we have barely seen the two newbies and four episodes in and I done even know their names. What makes this more disturbing is how bad both show did last year introducing new characters leading to Jackie being written off while Ana Lucia and Libby both got killed off. Even the regulars seem to be missing this year as we have only seen Weevil, Lamb, Sun, Jin, Sayid, Eko once each this year. Of course I’m just saying this because I want to see more of Parker especially if she continues to wear her Jersey Mall hair wig.


Some big news on Lost this week, of course none of which answered any questions but instead raised some more, the biggest being that there are two islands. Now we know exactly why Not-Henry didn’t want Sayid to have the yacht. But this raises some big questions like how did Desmond not see the second island. And where exactly is the town we saw on in the opening scene of the season? It has to be on the main island if both Ethan and Goodwin could get there by foot, right? Or are there underground tunnels that we don’t know about? The other big unanswered question is who has the tumor on the back that Jack saw? Is this is why he was taken? Keep in mind only two more episodes new episodes until February. Oh and Sawyer is apparently a dad and Desmond can still see into the future.


Then on Veronica Mars, there was actually more happening than Dick visiting Ronnie. Dick, of course, was there to ask Vee to help get the Phi Sigs off the hook for all rapes because she did such a good job last year getting the brothers off for that rape case. Umm, did I miss something? I remember her clearing Troy’s name, but not the Phi Sigs. If fact didn’t she get them in trouble for their points board? But you got to love when she addressed the Phi Sigs as, “Dick, Chip, random Star Trek dudes.”

Then there was the whole Not-Charlie storyline, although I believe Ronnie called him Fake-Charlie instead. Great job by hyping the Logans being brothers all summer only to pull a fast one on us. I’ve never understood why people that run or act in shows don’t lie more to fight spoilers, it would at the very least more entertaining than the standard “I can’t answer that.” And then the other plot twist with the chick from Just Shoot Me who finds out that not only is her husband not cheating but he actually turned down someone’s advances.

And now for my way out there theory of the week: the rapist and the head shaver are two different people. Okay, so here’s how this plays out, after a rape occurs, the feminists swoop in and shave the heads to help their case in getting the fraternities and the Lampoon guys kicked off campus.

Don't Download These Videos vol. IV

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Hurt - Christina Aguilera



Yeah the big plot twist under the big top has been done before and to better effect by U2 and in claymation by Alice in Chains, the chair spinning thing is annoying, and Christina Aguilera continues her decent in to looking more and more like a drag queen, but when it comes there are very few videos that give me the chills and this is one of them. And even though Johnny Cash’s song with the same title is much better, Xtina’s song may have something to do with the chill factor. And am I the only one who thinks her “dad” looks like the new James Bond.


Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall



Keeping with the big top theme, here’s the latest video from KT Tunstall off of her debut not the recent acoustic one. Now my courses tell me that the song has been featured in a few crappy television shows, but don’t let that negatively effect the song (same goes for Chasing Cars that has wrongfully co-opted by even crappier shows). There is also a cool CGI version (for the British I think) of the video if you can hunt that one down.

Wanted - Rhymefest



There is something seriously wrong with the charts that a fill with disposable rap songs that pretty much are the exact same song, yet the originally refreshing Rhymefest can seem to get a hit. Here’s his latest album from the film Half Nelson. To be honest one of the reasons I’m showing this video is to get more face time for the dude from The Notebook whom I used to get mistaken for back before he fell into obscurity. So hopefully this movie put him (and Rhymefest) back in the spotlight so I can get some “you remind me of the dude from The Notebook” lovin’.


Save Room - John Legend



In a story I broke yesterday, John Legend released the best baby making album of the millennium so far. Need proof? Look no further than the first single from Once Again where over the course of four minutes, Legend hooks up with as many as eight video hofessionals. My personal favorites are the token white chick and the chick in the cab. And once again, if there are any video hofessionals who would like to test out the baby making ability of the album and will be greater Cleveland area soon, shout me a holla.

Tonight I Wanna Groove and Let the Music Make You Move

Much has been made of the poor track record for the Grammy’s Best New Artist winners, but the award has also been handed out to such artists as Tom Jones, Carly Simon, Mariah Carey, and a little band out of Liverpool, England, called The Beatles. So don’t write off last year’s winner John Legend just yet. Plus it’s not like Best New Artist was the only golden gramophone that Legend took home that night as he also nabbed two other awards that night. Fun Best New Artist fact, Bob Newhart is also a winner. Yes that Bob Newhart.

On the Best R&B Album of last year Get Lifted, Legend effortless blended classic rhythm and blues with modern day hip-hop thanks to guest producers Kanye West, who also provided a verse, and will.i.am as well as a memorable spot from Snoop Dogg. But even though West and i.am are back behind the boards on the follow up Once Again, gone are the guest rappers as well as any resemblance to a hip-hop beat. Instead the album is inspired by some of his favorite singers. You can hear Tony Bennett’s influence, whom Legend recently did a duet with, on the opener Save Room where Legend croons over some mellow organs. Then on Show Me, Legend channels Jeff Buckley and puts it over some soul music. While Slow Dance sounds like classic Temptations had John Mayer played guitar for them.

There are times on the album where it sound like Legend is trying to recreate past hits like with Stereo, a song about a golddigger whose “favorite colors are platinum and gold” that might as well be called Used to Love U II. Thanks to the sparse instrumentation aside from the piano and lyrics dealing with relationships, Again could also go by Ordinary People Again. Although the diversity on the rest of the album makes it worth picking up and you might as well start engraving Legend’s name on the Best R&B Album Grammy for the second straight year.

But when it comes down to it, fore those who are missing great baby making albums that seemed to have disappeared along with Babyface’s career this is the album for you. If can’t get things done with songs like Slow Dance or PDA (We Just Don’t Care), where Legend encourages his companion to hook up whenever, wherever, it may be time to look into joining your local monastery. If fact if there are token hot chicks that are (or will be) in the Cleveland-metro area and would like to test out the baby-making ability of this album shout me a holla. (Scooter’s Note: This will only be a test so no actual baby will be made in the test run, just the act of baby making)

Song to Download - Slow Dance

Once Again gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Don't Have to Raise My Voice

Earlier this year, KT Tunstall released one of the best pop albums in recent memory with Eye to the Telescope even garnering a rare Severe rating on my Terror Alert Scale (see: Her Face Is the Map of the World). A couple months after that album, Tunstall released Acoustic Extravaganza, a collection of songs that was recorded in one day, through her website. But now it’s getting a proper release along with an accompanying DVD which includes a making of the album documentary. Don’t expect an acoustic rendering of the big hit Black Horse and the Cherry Tree or even the follow up single Suddenly I See.

Instead, the album is comprises mostly of material that didn’t make the first album and work as acoustics songs instead of converting her hits like a poor version of MTV Unplugged. The last three tracks though are from the album, Miniature Disaster, Universe & U, as well as Throw Me a Rope, which was on the British release of the album but got cut from the Yankee release. But the newer tracks are the real gems most notably the opening track Ashes that bounces along like a country track and is also the song that gets the album its Parental Advisory sticker so be warned. Then One Day could have fit perfectly somewhere on her first album is polished up a little.

As Eye to the Telescope was close to pop perfection, Acoustic Extravaganza fall short of its predecessor thanks in part to the theme of the album. Acoustic songs lend themselves to be mellower than there plugged in counterparts which lead to a lull of too many mellow songs in the middle of the album. Add to that the holdovers from the first album just are not as good as the originals. But with that said, had this had been album that was released first; it would be up there as one of the best of the year.

Song to Download - Ashes

Acoustic Extravaganza gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

First Impressions: Ice T's Rap School

Back in 2003, in a time when Jack Black was still funny, he made a movie called School of Rock where Black played a long term substitute teacher at a private school who taught his class how to rock so he could enter a battle of the bands. This then spun off a reality show where Gene Simmons of Kiss did basically the same thing, but with the private school’s approval that naturally appeared on VH1. VH1 is now taking the same concept but with rap and the original gangsta himself, Ice-T as the educator in the appropriately titled Ice-T’s Rap School. Iceberg now has a couple weeks to school the Middle Schoolers in all that is hip-hop before the final exam which is opening up for Public Enemy. Of course it’s Public Enemy because VH1 much fill their minimum requirement to feature Favor Flav on their channel.

But the stars of the show are the students that have no clue how to rap and weren’t even born when Ice recorded New Jack Hustler. The standout is Sophia who complained after Ice announced they were taking a field trip to the South Bronx that she would be shot, murdered, and raped. Then later she endured herself less to Ice when she said that sunglasses he handpicked for her to were “Ghetto.” If Sophia moved out to the west coast in two or three years she could easily be the new star of Laguna Beach. Then there is Dodge who wears pinstripe suits over his prep school uniform and listens to old school music. And by old school I’m not referring to Ice-T, no even older like stuff from the forties.

The cast is rounded out by a student with a stutter, your token kid with a bad case of attention deficit disorder, the stock market playing kid, the uber-shy fat chick, the poor girl who attends the school on scholarship, and another token mean girl that is Sophia’s running mate. The very British headmaster may be showing up quite often as Ice got called to the principal’s office in his first week complaining that he was dressing the kids up like little gangstas. Apparently Mr. Headmaster didn’t do his homework before letting Ice-T supervise his students. Not to mention I don’t think Ice is Highly Qualified under the No Child Behind Act.

Verdict: For a guy who made his living on very aggressive lyrics, Ice surprising is very good around the kids (maybe it’s all those years seeing the bad side of adults and how they treat children with his tenure on Law and Order). Ice-T’s Rap School is a show that is actually something for the whole family, which is rare on television these days. New episodes of Ice-T’s Rap School airs Fridays at 9:00 on VH1 (of course the episodes will be repeated constantly) and you can check out deleted and extended scenes on VH1’s broadband channel VSPOT.

I’m from the Eighties NYC Five Percent of Culture

There are very few artists that would open up their album with another artist’s song, but not even VH1 loves the eighties more than Diddy, seriously, this guy even sampled Christopher Cross. So at the start of Diddy’s latest album Press Play, the first sounds you hear are those of Tears for Fears. But surprisingly this is the only eighties sample on the album. What’s more surpising is that as a guy who came up as a producer, Diddy handed over the production reigns for the majority of the album to those that have surpassed him in recent years like Kanye West, the Neptunes, will.i.am and the underappreciated Rich Harrison who has brought us such club bangers as Crazy in Love and 1 Thing.

The artist formally known as Puff Daddy claims the name of the album Press Play comes from what the album would make you do, sit down and press play without having to skip any tracks. Granted that concept was thrown out of the window with the release of the first single Come to Me featuring the only Pussycat Doll that I think actually sings. What exactly are the other Dolls there for, to stay in the background and do things that embarrass their daddies? But anyways. This really hasn’t been a good year for artists who over hype their albums (see Angels and Airwaves, The Killers, and Ludacris). Who would have thought that Paris Hilton would be the marketing mastermind who set the bar so low that even though her album was by far the worst released of the year, possibly ever, people actually thought it was good compaired to what they expected.

Much like his previous ones, this album is guest appearance heavy. On almost every song, Diddy brings in someone to sing his hooks ranging to big names like Mary J Blige to lesser known artist such as Keri Hilson. The best though is Christina Aguilera who shows up on the Just Blaze produced Tell Me. Unlike previous album, Diddy doesn’t push down his Bad Boy rappers down our throat, in fact there are very few guest rappers on the album as side from Big Boi of Outkast, Twista, and Nas who shows up on the Kanye West produced Everything I Love. Naturally when you throw together Nas and Kanye with Cee-Lo, one half of Gnarls Barkley, singing the hook over some great horns that sound like they are from the Late Registration sessions, you got a hot track.

Unfortunately Diddy didn’t have Kanye and Nas to save the rest of the album. The Neptunes fall from grace continues with another bland track in the album closer Partners for Life featuring the past expiration date Jamie Foxx. The back to back Though the Pain (She Told Me) and Thought You Said blend together making one extremely long ten minute song that will make you look at you watch wondering when it will end. Puffy does try out different styles which is a novel idea. The Future is his attempt at hard core militant sound in a track produced by Havoc from Mobb Deep who was also behind the boards for the grimy Hold Up. Continuing his futuristic techno from Justin Timberlake’s latest album, Timbaland adds that same sound to Diddy Rock. But it doesn’t say much about the song when it’s a leftover beat from an already poor album. But Diddy is back to loving the eighties on the will.i.am produced Special Feeling that sounds like classic Prince. Well that’s if you take out the charismatic Prince singing and replace it with the anemic rapping of Diddy.

Song to Download - Everything I Love

Press Play gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Your Chance Has Come and Gone

Scooter Note: To make this review hopefully more entertaining than it already is, a prize to the first person who correctly counts to the amount of Chris Hansen references throughout the review. And by prize I mean a pat on the back. And by pat on the back I mean a virtual pat on the back. Good luck.

There really isn’t anything more annoying than thirteen year old white girls who act black, yet JoJo’s debut single Leave (Get Out), Ebonics and all (You was just a waste of time), was disturbingly good in a Chris Hansen will be waiting for you in your kitchen kind of way. After taking a break from music to make a couple movies that I avoided to see for fear that Chris Hansen would jump out from behind the concession stand with a bunch o cameras. Now the former reality show loser (remember America’s Most Talented Kids hosted by reality star in his own right Mario Lopez? No? Oh never mind) is back much to the delight to underage girls who love Ebonics with the release of The High Road.

Also thanks to the release undoubtedly Chris Hansen has been busy especially with the rain drenched first video of the album Too Little, Too Late topping iTunes most downloaded video for most of the past month. The song is yet another kiss off to a bad boyfriend. Wow this girl has had her heart broken more times before she’s gotten a driving license than I’ve had in my entire life. Well that would be wrongly assuming that JoJo actually writes her own song. In fact there were nineteen people with writing credits on the album. For those keeping track at home, there are only twelve songs on the album. And with titles such as The Way You Do Me and How to Touch a Girl, some of those songwriters should be expecting a visit from Chris Hansen sometime soon.

And now the top 10 lyrics from JoJo’s The High Road that if you hear spoken in the kitchen of a girl you met on the internet there’s a good chance Chris Hansen will be surprising you:

10. We can go the distance homie. (Good Ol’)
9. The morning in, I know you wanted to. Come on let’s go, you know just what to do. (Like That)
8. Yo I don't know what you do when you do what you do boy. (Anything)
7. Don’t be in a rush to end mid night, feel something happening. (How to Touch a Girl)
6. I’m ready to, make this thing official cause I don’t want to lose you. (Like That)
5. Promise me when I see you, you’ll do me like that. (Like That)
4. This time I’m gonna let you take it where it should be this time I wont say no. (This Time)
3. Cause every time that we rendezvous I don't wanna go back home. (Anything)
2. We can get it poppin even thump in the parkin lot. (Good Ol’)
1. Boy the way you do me. Why you gotta be so good when you give it to me? (The Way You Do Me)

What is really disturbing is after forty minutes of all these double (and sometimes single) entendres, the album concludes with a Note to God where JoJo does just that by asking all the hate to go away and all the other things you would here from Beauty Queen contestants after they just got done strutting around in a bikini in a room full of dirty old man. Mmm, that ended up being a better comparison than I expected.

The album starts off with This Time which sounds like a lost track from the Cassie album, which isn’t a good thing (check out my review: It’s Not That Deep). You need more reasons to hate the song? Well it was produced by Scott Storch, the guy responsible for Paris Hilton and Brooke Hogan. Then in the middle of the album it was as if someone switched the dial on the radio to an eighties station as Toto start singing Africa in mono, then the beat comes only for JoJo to start singing over the song which she calls Anything.. Even though he isn’t credited I have a sinking suspicion that Puff Daddy was involved. But let’s hope that the lead singer of Toto doesn’t get a visit from Chris Hansen as a result of the song.

Song to Download - Anything

The High Road gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.