I Need to Hear that Sound

Back in middle school, Eric Clapton changed my life. Up until then, I had listened to exclusively hard core gangsta rap. Than a tape trader friend of mine passed me along a copy of Slowhand and I quickly realized why people called him God. Shortly thereafter, Clapton participated in the legendary Unplugged series showing a different side to his already accomplished guitar repertoire. I have picked up every one of his new albums since then. Which lead me to today with the release, Back Home.

The title Back Home can be linked to Clapton returning to more of his 60’s sound of blues rock after his recent affinity for straight blues including last years album of Robert Johnson songs. Listen to the opening track, So Tired, Back Home can also mean being back home with his family, including his three young girls. The song chronicles the life a new dad who can’t seem to take it in but at least, “momma’s a natural.” The song even features a baby screaming at the end.

Clapton also rediscovered his love of reggae on this album, but instead of a Marley cover, he decided to write his own in Revolution. The slowed down song deals with a person who want to start a revolution not necessarily because he feels the cause deep down in his heart but rather because he has nothing better to do. The album does feature a couple cover songs including George Harrison’s Love Comes to Everyone and the Stevie Wonder penned I’m Going Left. And just like B.B. King had Clapton come play with him, Clapton has brought in a few of his disciples to play on the album including John Mayer and the current king of the slide guitar, Robert Randolph. Steve Winwood and Vince Gill, who wrote One Day for the album, also appear along with Billy Preston who contributes on the keys throughout the whole album.

Song to Download – So Tired

Back Home gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

You Gotta Love it Though, Somebody Still Speaks From His Soul

For the last couple years, rap has become very anemic, the same rappers saying the same thing talking about how much ice they have and how many groupies they have scored with. Yawn. Then along came a guy with a backpack and a teddy bear mascot with the vibe of A Tribe Called Quest (by his own admission) and clever wordplay that rivals the Beastie Boys in their prime. Kanye West’s The College Dropout was not just the best rap album of last year but it was easily the best rap album of the last five year. On the album, West pushed the boundaries of rap touching on topics that most rappers found on the radio and MTV including religion and even admitting he was self conscious.

West is now back with his sophomore effort, Late Registration and is pushing the boundaries of rap even further. This is most notable in the addition of Fiona Apple’s producer Jon Brion helping West out on the boards. Brion presence is definitely felt on tracks Touch the Sky with horn the rival those sampled on Crazy in Love, and string section featured in Bring Me Down, Diamonds from Sierra Leone, and Gone. They even bring in full orchestration on Celebration. With Brion by his side, West even stepped up his own game, avoiding the easy way out by copying his signature sound of sped up vocals (not counting the hidden track, Late), and instead created a whole new sound for this album.

Kanye is pushing the boundaries with his choice of topics on this album too. Instead of an ode to Jesus, Late Registration had a song devoted to another subject much ignore subject in rap, his mother on Hey Mama. West saves his best production for this song with a choir of multi-layered la la’s playing throughout the song and Kanye even gives a shot at sing a verse and a chorus.

Late Registration is also more political than most major rap releases in recent years. But Kanye comes off more like Oliver Stone than Public Enemy with accusations like, “And I know the government administered AIDS” (Heard ‘em Say), “How we stop the black panthers? Ronald Reagan cooked up an answer,” and, “Who gave Saddam anthrax? George Bush got the answers” (Crack Music). Kanye also takes on the state of the health care in our country on Roses, but this time no conspiracy theories are needed and he asks a question that needs to be posed to our political leaders: “If Magic Johnson got a cure for A.I.D.'s and all the broke (expletive deleted) past away, you tellin me if my grandma was in the N.B.A. right now she'd be ok?”

Unfortunately, with all that said, Late Registration does not entirely live up to the promise of The College Dropout. One thing that really disappointed me was when the album was being made, Kanye mention that he wasn’t going to any guest except John Mayer and Common. But West decided to bring in more guests some with better results then others. Out is John Mayer, instead we get the new token white accessory to rappers, Adam Levine of Maroon 5 helping out with a soulful performance on Heard ‘em Say. Also Jamie Foxx shows why he got the Oscar for his portrayal of Ray Charles as I originally though Gold Digger had a sample of Ray’s I Got a Woman, until I realized that it was different lyrics. Other decent appearances include Jay-Z on Diamond from Seirra Leone (Remix) along with Consequence and Cam’Ron on Gone. But on the flip side Brandy can’t carry a tune and lives of to the name of her contribution, Bring Me Down. Lupe Fiasco gives an uninspiring verse on Touch the Sky. The Houston inspired Drive Slow featuring Paul Wall and GLC drags the album down too much. And even though Nas is in my top 5 rappers, his contribution We Major falls flat.

Another major different between Kanye’s two albums is that The College Dropout sounded like a concept album revolving around college with track flowing into each other perfectly. The thoughts on Late Registration sounds more like great songs that are thrown together. For instance, there is a bad transition between Touch the Sky that goes straight into Jamie Foxx’s acapella beginning of Gold Digger. The only thing that barely hold Late Registration together are the four skits throughout the album dealing with a fake fraternity, Broke Phi Broke.

The highlight of this album, much like his last, is Kanye’s quirky wordplay. He doesn’t drop references as obscure as the Beastie Boys, but he’s working on it. But what other rapper would quote John Denver; “I'm going on an airplane, and I don't know if I'll be back again” (Touch the Sky). Tim Hardaway, Gil Scott-Heron, Shirley Bassey, Sam Cooke, Forrest Gump, Nicky Giovanni, The Jeffersons, Gone with the Wind, Anakin Skywalker, and Jennifer Aniston all get namedropped throughout the album. But like his last album, the best line involves Michael Jackson, “She was suppose to buy ya shorty Tyco with ya money. She went to the doctor got lypo with ya money. She walkin around lookin like Michael with ya money” (Gold Digger). But honorable mentions go to “Ask the reverend was the strip club cool if my tips help send a pretty girl through school” (We Major) and “If a stripper named Porscha and u get tips from many men, then your fat friend, her nickname is Minivan” (Diamonds from Sierra Leone).

Song to Download – Hey Mama

Late Registration gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Hate the Way They Portray Us in the Media

“I hate the way they portray us in the media. You see a black family and they say we are looting, you see a white family and they say they are looking for food. And, you know, it’s been five days because most of the people ARE black. And even for me to complain, I would be a hypocrite because I would turn away from the TV because it’s too hard to watch. I’ve even been shopping before even giving a donation, so now I’m calling my business manager right to see what is the biggest amount I can give. And just to imagine, if I was down there and those are my people down there. If there is anybody out there that wants to do anything that we can help about the way America is set up the help the poor, the black people, the less well off as slow as possible. Red Cross is doing as much as they can. We already realize a lot of the people that could help are at war right now, fighting another way. And now they’ve given them permission to go down and shoot us.”

“George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”

“You gotta love it though, someone still speaks from his soul.” – Diamonds from Sierra Leone

I had planned to put up a review of Kanye West’s latest album, Late Registration, but I haven’t quite finished it, but it looks like I’ll still be writing about Kanye today. Last night on NBC’s telethon to help Hurricane Katrina, Kanye went of scrip to give a passionate speech. People have torn down West for saying it wasn’t the place, but where else to criticize those exploiting hurricane victims than at a relief effort. If you read his statement, all of his initial rants are true. Every time I turn on new reports it’s either human interest stories featuring white people or stories featuring black people looting local stores.

As for West’s assessment that they do have permission to go down and start shooting looters, this is most likely in response to Governor of Louisiana Kathleen Blanco’s statement regarding National Guard returning from Iraq and heading straight to the area,

“They have M-16s, and they're locked and loaded. I have one message for these hoodlums: These troops know how to shoot and kill, and they are more than willing to do so if necessary, and I expect they will.”

Did the Governor seriously advocate killing off her constituents who are trying to provide for the families because the relief efforts were moving so slowly? Now I hate Bob Taft, but at least he has never advocated killing Ohioans. I’ll take a Governor who has a few free rounds of golf over one who want to unload M-16s into her people.

Now, I’ll admit Kanye did go overboard with the last statement about Bush. Bush does not necessarily hate black people, he hate anyone who cannot help him or his cronies, which just happens to include poor black people in New Orleans. Remember back a couple years ago, 2003, when a fire broke out in a Rhode Island club killing 100 people and injuring many more, federal aid was refuse multiple time even though lives were destroyed. It just so happened that this happened to working class people who lived in a “Blue” state. On the flip side, let us not forget last year when Hurricane Charles hit Florida, Bush ordered federal aid two hours after it hit, like he should have responded, it just happened that this Hurricane hit his brother’s state that also happened to be a swing state in the upcoming election. Yet when Hurricane Katrina hit a predominately “Blue” and poor area, the National Guards from other states couldn’t be accessed because the paperwork didn’t get through until Thursday. I’ll have to agree with Bush that this is unacceptable.

Back to Kanye West, if anyone was affected by his statements, NBC should be the one’s to blame for not doing the homework on a guy, who at Live 8, change lyrics to All Falls Down to “Drug dealer buy Jordon’s, crackhead buy crack and George Bush gets paid off of all of that.” He would later in an interview that day with MTV claims the AIDS was planted in Africa to kill black people. NBC should have known what they were getting when signing this guy up. Not too mention his recent political statements about the diamond trade in Sierra Leone (Throw Up Your Diamonds Like You're Bulimic). And don’t expect for Kanye West to lose any album sales as some suggest, because unlike the Dixie Chicks who has a larger conservative country fan base, West fan tend to be more liberal or they just don’t care about politics either way. Keep in mind Green Day sold over 3 million records of an album named American Idiot, so if anything, Kanye's sell will increase due to his speech.

Ironically it was already announced just hours before that Kanye West made his statement, that he will be joining of another Katrina relief special, ReAct Now: Music & Relief, this time to be aired on MTV, VH1, and CMT along side Kelly Clarkson, the Rolling Stones and previously announced Maroon 5, Good Charlotte, Audioslave, Simple Plan, Common, John Mayer, Kid Rock, Sheryl Crow, Dashboard Confessional, Paul McCartney, Neil Young, Brian Wilson, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Melissa Etheridge, Mötley Crüe, Goo Goo Dolls, Staind, Alan Jackson, Trent Reznor, 3 Doors Down, Cash Money's Baby and Lil' Wayne, the Neville Brothers, Marc Broussard, the Radiators, Green Day, Usher, Alicia Keys, Ludacris, Dave Matthews Band, Rob Thomas, David Banner, Linkin Park's Chester Bennington and John Mellencamp. This concert will air September 10 starting at 8 EST.

For anyone who wants to donate their money beforehand, please click the Red Cross link at the top of the page.

Oye Mi Canto

Earlier this week after my lengthy MTV Video Music Awards (click here) I received a comment in regards to a small, off the cuff remark of one of the surprise performances:

“- Morbidly Obese Joe presents a medley of Reggaeton artists. That was extremely horrible. This could be to my generation what rap was to my parents and rock and roll was to their parents. I really hate the whole getting old thing.”

Apperently this struck a cord in one of my readers who promply relies to my orginal comment, please note that I have taken out the all caps to make it easier to read and made two small changes that I viewed to be spelling error, otherwise the comment was left as is. If you would like to see the unedited version, look under the VMA recap, now on to the coment (also, if anyone no Spanish, if you could translate this for me and leave it in the comment section):

“Este mama bicho! Que coňo te crees tu? Mira cantode cabron! Im gonna explain this only once to you! Im Latino and proud, I been living in South Florida for 6 years now! Im Im gonna say sorry in advance!!! You are a white Anglo-American living in “Ohio” ja, ja, ja... You haven’t experienced Las Discotecas (nightclubs) Latinas, while Im Latino and live surrounded by them! Again I apologize for this. But what do you know of the fastest and biggest minority on the United States of America? (We’ll soon become a majority) By the year 2025 the numbers of Latinos living in the U.S. will be over 50 millions!!! It’s a fact by the time you read this there will be over 35 millions of Latinos changing this country for the better! We are the biggest consumers of products in the present and will continue to influence North America and the entire world!!! You must realize that we are an essential fuel that drives the U.S.A. economy!!! >>>>Now let me tell you about Reggaeton, it a genre of music that combines and blends (while being very original itself) most of the world’s music genres and sounds into (what is it -world music-) a very danceable, singable, likeable, sellable genre of music around the whole globe!So to wrap things up, first you should learn, then take part of the biggest movement in music history (because Reggaeton it’s the futuro of music), and remember its the 21st century so get use to the idea of changes, like Latinos being a majority in this country!!!!!! Chao y visita una discoteca o escucha la radio y oiras Reggaeton donde sea!!!!!"

Elcangriman69

After I read this I was originally going to apologize myself for offending him and his culture, but then realize that, the same review, that I made positive remarks about other Latinos such as Shakira, Eva Longoria, and some chick named Paulina Rubio, not to mention that I brought up my love of the steel drum. And I didn’t even have something bad to say about Ricky Martin’s appearance. And that's no small feat.

So I decided to ask my token Latino friend, whom I like to cart out every once in a while to show that I’m cultured, what is so entertaining about Reggaeton and his response was basically like mine, “What’s that?” So apparently not every Latino is familier with “the futuro of music.” That notion is enforced by your assumption that you “are the biggest consumers of product in the present,” where are all the sales of Reggaeton music, I don’t see them on the top of the Billboard charts.

Aside from my token Latino friend, I am very cultured in the way of my music collection with genres ranging from Rock, Pop, Reggae, Rap, Country (real country, not the hillbilly music that many people mistake for country music today), Jazz, Blues, Afro-Cuban, Soul, some that are by Latinos artist, most prominently Santana.

Now there is a possibility that I am wrong about Reggaeton as I’ve been wrong before about certain music that later has grown on me. Not to mention that at the awards show, MTV didn't give the genre a decent amount of time and I couldn't imagine anything endorsed by Morbidly Obese Joe could sound good. I am more than willing to give it another listen and the next time I’m in South Florida, I’m more than willing to check out a Las Discotecas Latinas, if you are willing to be my guide, Elcangriman69.

Wait, did I really spend all this time responding to a dude with the numbers "69" in his handle?

With a Little Peace, and Some Harmony

Recently, I review the latest Hootie and the Blowfish album (State Your Peace) and was disappointed with how mediocre Lucking for Lucky was, giving it a Terror Alert: Elevated. Granted I may be a little harsh on the band considering they were my favorite band for most of the mid-90’s. The three albums that Hootie released in the 90’s, Cracked Rear View, Fairweather Johnson, and Musical Chairs get massive play from my CD players to this day. In the new millennium, the boys have been spotty, at best, except for Darius Rucker’s solo album, but at least we have their earlier work, in including their debut, Cracked Rear View, which is September’s induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame.

The album starts out with an explosion of sound in Hannah Jane then transitions into the three big hits off the album beginning with the biggest of them all Hold My Hand. I remember hearing them performing the song as an unknown band on Letterman one night and made my way to the local record store the next day. The song, aided by David Crosby on backing vocals, slowly became an anthem for drunk people everywhere, especially frat houses. The song was followed by equally big Let Her Cry, the go to break up song of its time. Hootie got back to the upbeat pop with the next song, Only Wanna Be with You, whose ESPN themed video still remains one of the most entertaining videos of all time. Of course Dan Marino was featured to clear up the line, “I’m such a baby, yeah, the Dolphins make me cry” because crying for men is only socially acceptable when its sports related.

Even beyond the big three, the album is very listenable and doesn’t feature a song that worthy of the skip button. Running from the Devil, with its violin and bongos, give the song a down home feel, and I love how Darius delivers the line “I gave up on you along time a go, but there’s something I want you to know.” Every great pop record isn’t complete without a monosyllabic chanting, and I’m Coming Home delivers that with it’s, “Sha la la, sha la la,” chorus. The song is another good down home sing-along. Look Away starts earnestly enough with, “Saw her standing there,” and continues from there with a mellow look at a failed relationship that shouldn’t be ending.

Being in a pop band, Darius and the boys aren’t afraid to talk about serious topics. Drowning deals with living as a black man in the South and asks the important questions such as, “Why is there a rebel flag hanging from the state house walls?” The song later features a line that has puzzled me for years, “PE’s coming.” I’ve been wondering since I’ve first heard it if PE stands for Public Enemy, another group that talked about the plight of the black man. Time, which I believe was the tenth single off the album, also deals with some tough subjects such as, “Children killing in the street, dying for the color of a rag.”

The album closes with a couple of sadder songs starting with my favorite track from the Cracked Rear View, Not Even the Trees. The song deals with the loss of a loved one. The song was very conforming to me as I lost a few friend and family around the release of the album. There were many times I would rewind the song to hear the lyrics, “Does he realize, he came down and took you too soon.” I love hearing this song live as Darius slows this line down to give it an extra impact. The official closing song, Goodbye, is the perfect closing time anthem set against an elegant piano melody. Just a great, cry in your beer type of song that is easily relatable to any college aged person. “So baby while we’re young, lets figure out together.” The album really comes to a close after Darius gives a soulful acapella version of the old standard, Motherless Child.

Over the years, people have drifted away from Hootie and the Blowfish in a case of being too big too fast and a natural backlash came. This was unwarranted as the boys never presented themselves as anything but who they were, a bar band from the South. All of their songs sound better in a bar as the album deals with great college experiences that will eventually happen in your local watering hole. Even though they haven’t put out a quality album lately, the boys can still pull off a great live show as I seen them throw in covers such as Soft Cell’s Tainted Love and Stone Temple Pilots’ Interstate Love Song showing their strengths of a bar band. In fact, their cover album, Scattered, Smothered & Covered, rivals their earlier albums in quality. And then there is the video Summer Camp with Trucks featuring a show circa their major label debut which is also worth checking out if just hearing Darius trying to rap. But it’s Cracked Rear View that has the greatest impact on my life and thus makes it a worthy entrant in the SHoF. I still consider this group of songs as the most perfect pop-rock album ever made.

A Melody Softly Soaring Through My Atmosphere

Usually I’m on the cusp of what’s going on in music; the guy people come to find out what’s good. One band with a lot of buzz I missed out on so far is Death Cab for Cutie. I’ve had heard of the band before, but never took the time to check them out. Without listening, I pegged them a pretentious band with an unfortunate name. But with the release of their major label debut, I figured I should take a listen.

What I found on their latest album, Plans, were lush melodies and soft chords that wouldn’t be out of place on the Garden State Soundtrack. Except Plans, as a whole, is more polished and better put together than most of Zach Braff’s mixtape. You can easily get lost in the music without knowing where you’re time has gone. The lead song, Marching Bands of Manhattan, takes the signature crushing guitars of Coldplay and softens them up with great results. A drum cadence drives Summer Skin almost into a march. Different Names for the Same Place starts off with a bare bones piano track that turns into spacey song half way threw.

I Will Wait for You in the Dark is a stripped down love song with an acoustic guitar accompanying the singer. With lyrics like “If heaven and hell decide, That they both are satisfied, Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs, If there's no one beside you, When your soul embarks, Then I'll follow you into the dark,” This song will send every hopeless romantic to their guitar to try to learn this song so they can serenade a loved on with it. What Sarah Said is a sad song that deals with the unbearable task of sitting in a hospital knowing this is it, “And I'm thinking of what Sarah said, but love is watching someone die.”

The main strength of the album is the verdant lyrics such as: “Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole” (Marching Bands of Manhattan), “I've no words to share with anyone. The boundaries of language are quietly cursed” (Different Names for the Same Place), “Fall fades how it ages when you're away, Spring blooms and you find the love that's true” (Your Heart Is an Empty Room), and what college girl not get swept off her feet by a line like “You're so cute when you're slurring your speech” (Crooked Teeth).

Song to Download – I Will Follow You Into the Dark

Plans gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Who's House Are You Haunting Tonight

I was introduced to OK Go a couple years back when their song Get Over It was featured one of the Madden games. The song was a catchy power pop with a sing along chorus that gave me the impression that they were Midwest’s version of Weezer. But like most songs that are featured in EA Sports games, the song got so overplayed thanks to my hours devoted to the games and would finding myself muting the game because each song sent me into instant spasms.

Getting back to present day, I was intrigued when I heard the band was releasing a new album, sans video game promotion, Oh No. In the first half of the album, they follow the formula of Get Over It with it fast, guitar heavy sound over bratty lyrics. The opening track, Invincible, explodes over the speakers. Then we get Do What You Want another fast one that sounds like a lost song from the Primal Scream’s library.

Whenever the band tries to slow things down, the music really isn’t as good. Songs like Let it Rain and Maybe This Time just don’t stand up to their faster counterparts. Oh Lately it’s So Quiet is the only exception of the slower sect here with the singer trying his hand and falsetto and background singers repeating “Oh no”, throughout the song. But in the end, the band just seems too bratty; the allure of Weezer songs is Rivers Cuomo’s occasional self-loathing. OK Go should learn some of that humility.

Song to Download – Invincible

Oh No gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

We on Award Tour - 2005 Video Music Awards Recap

The MTV Video Music Awards have come and gone this year. A lot of cool thing that happened this year, but much like last year, there was not a defining water cooler moment again granted I was at the water cooler today gushing over the return of Beavis and Butthead. Diddy was your host and he didn’t suck as bad as the Wayans Brothers yet he came no where close to Chris Rock, Dennis Miller or even Arsinio Hall. And why has no one pointed out the Diddy has adopted the name of a cheesy rap song from the early 90’s yet. Am I the only one who remembers that song? “Do the diddy if you won’t do me cause damn I can see that you want me.” But anyways, here are some of my highlights from the show:

Pre-Show
- So there was a car show of the pimpest rides on the pre-show with Green Day’s car from the Holiday video stealing the show. But can we retire the word “pimp” as a positive adjective. Let’s not forget a true pimp is someone who forces women to sell their bodies for money. This is a word that should ever be glorified.

- Also part of the car show was Ludacris who drove in a custom Louis Vuittan car. Did I miss something; I thought LV was for chicks. Any guy I see with LV gets mocked thoroughly.

- The Game also rolled up in his car. Although the commentator called him just Game. So what is it, “The Game” or just “Game?” Did he drop the "The" like Diddy dropped the "P?" I’m just a corny old white dude; I need help figuring these things out.

- MTV apparently has a new fashion consultant, Coltrane. Just what MTV needs, their very on Joan Rivers critiquing clothes.

- During the pre-show, they were hawking a new Madonna concert DVD. Is there anyone who would actually spend money to see a 40 year old lip-sync?

- Okay, it seems that Houston is the new hot rap city, but after hearing the medley of Houston rappers perform, I think it may be time to move to the next city. Topeka anyone?

- Yes, those were Ice-T’s wife’s nipples you saw. Brings back fond memories of Rose McGowan.

- John Norris was heard asking everyone who is going to win the big prize but would always interject, “A lot of people say Kanye will take home the big one.” John, actually you were the only one who was saying it.

The Main Show
- Odd choice with a Green Day performing a relatively low key Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Not quite as good as my suggestion.

- Yes that was a teleprompter you saw in Diddy opening “performance.” He comes out to Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Relax, Diddy is the only one who loves the 80’s more than VH1. And for those keeping track, that’s the second gay anthem that Diddy has associated himself with, Diana Ross’ I'm Coming Out.

- The opening itself was cool, but reminded me too much as a mini version of the Olympics ceremony. The water theme was also cool, especially how they transitioned the video nominees.

- Winning the Carrie Fisher Award for hot chick that has fallen the quickest goes to Lindsay Lohan. She just gets uglier and uglier. Someone buy her a Big Mac please.

- Interesting to mix up the Best Male and Female Videos together. Kanye West and Kelly Clarkson win, okay mash-up artist, it’s time to give that a try. Behind These Gold Digging Eyes anyone?

- Big Daddy Butthead and fire loving Beavis are back. Now where exactly can I vote for them to get back on MTV?

- I have a theory that Ciara is the black Britney Spears. Marginally attractive but shows a lot of skin – check. Limited vocal range – check. Attaches herself to an equally talent less boyfriend – check. Focuses more time on her dancing than singing – check. Make music that makes my ears bleed – check.

- Now I’m a sucker for steel drum, but I was still disappointed there was no Mike Myers during Ludacris’ performance, instead we get some dude named Bobby Valentino.

- Did Diddy really call Orlando Bloom the prettiest person in the world?

- It was nice to see Grandmaster Flash. Too bad it was ruined with a dance off between Diddy and Omarion. Which then led to the biggest surprise of the night, an appearance by Hammer? Hey, anything can happen. And yes, I still know every word to U Can'T Touch This. And thinking about it, I know Hammer wasn't a one hit wonder, but can anyone name another one of his songs?

- Worst outfit award goes to Jessica Simpson weird backless, yet still wearing a bra, French Maid ensemble. She also takes home worst hair award.

- Am I mistaken, or did Alicia Keys wear the same unfavorable, form fitting, dress as last year?

- What was with the dude with Shakira and his guitar? He only strummed it about two times; it was like members of N’Sync performing with microphone. I wonder if the dude was carrying it because he needed to hides something.

- Umm, should I know what clowning or crumping is? My spell check doesn’t even know what the crumping is.

- Missy Elliot wins Best Dance Video. Shouldn’t this award go to a song you could actually dance to?

- Holy Eric Roberts sighting! Nice plug for his step-son’s, Keaton Simons, album and website. Now how exactly do I go about getting my refund that he offered?

- Now typically I rip anyone who lip-syncs, but I’ll let R. Kelly slid on account they he gave the most entertaining performance o the night. And just when I thought nothing could top Chapters 1-5 videos for Trapped in the Closet, Kelly goes and tops himself with a one man show debuting Chapter 6. I can’t wait for Chapters 7-12. Kelly was also seen on the red, oops, white carpet wearing an “I’m Rick James’ Bitch” shirt. I’m sorry to hear that and I sure hope your crack-pipe burns have healed by now R.

- Did we really need to see a naked Sean Combs? Although Kunta Combs was funny. It was nice to see Diddy take a pot shot at half the country when he brought up his Vote or Die campaign. Which reminds me, when is Diddy going to get around to killing Paris Hilton, she didn’t even register to vote.

- Diddy announces that Hilary Duff and Joel Madden are the Jay-Z and Beyoncé of rock. Well except Jay-Z waited for Beyoncé to be well past 18 before they started dating. Now Joel may be the Roman Polanski of pseudo-punk, that might be a better comparison. I wonder what the age of consent is in Florida.

- The Killers are remote from some hotel. Very Miami Vice setting, fitting for the band’s love for the 80’s is only trumped by Diddy.

- Holy Lil' Kim sighting! Shouldn’t she be in jail by now, wasn’t she convicted a couple months ago. Oh, I forgot, she’s famous (relatively), she can show up to jail whenever she want. It’s odd that all the famous guys get off yet the famous females get jail time.

- We are then treated to by an appearance by Big Daddy Poseidon and the Roman God of feces and manure. Seriously, where can I vote to get Beavis and Butthead back on the air?

- Nice tribute to Biggie although it was surprising that they went with lesser known Juicy and Warning instead of smashes like Big Poppa or Hypnotize. And they even censored the line “blow up like the World Trade,” I’m not sure that was needed. He wasn’t even alive for reason they bleeped it for. And as the ten year anniversaries of their deaths creep closer, I’m starting to begin to think that maybe Biggie and Tupac are really dead, not hanging out in Hawaii with Elvis as I previously thought.

- The classiest and least classy people, Common and Johnny Knoxville present together. I shouldn’t have to specify which is which.

- Morbidly Obese Joe presents a medley of Reggaeton artists. That was extremely horrible. This could be to my generation what rap was to my parents and rock and roll was to their parents. I really hate the whole getting old thing.

- Missy Elliot defies conventional wisdom again by winning Best Hip Hop. But then again, this category hasn’t had any credibility since Jennifer Lopez won it.

- Worst Bling of the night goes to Pharrell. This is saying a lot with all the mouth bling the Houston rappers were sporting.

- I wonder why Coldplay is now putting MTF on its piano. I’m not sure many people realized that it stands for maketradefair.com. It was nice to see Chris Martin run up to the cheap seats and get surrounded by a bunch of drunken people.

- Should I know who B5 is? And all they do is present other presenter. Was that really needed?

- Kelly Clarkson wins best pop and walks through the fountain of water to accept the award. I love the gratuitous Gwen Stefani shots after she losses. It almost like MTV was jabbing at her for threatening to not show up is they didn’t let her perform. They didn’t even show any of the Moonmen she won on the big show.

- Not since Andrew Dice Clay has MTV given a comedian air time at the VMA’s for some stand up, and this year they give time to… Dane Cook? Should I know who he is? Actually the guy was pretty funny, especially the part about putting a detonator in your kid. Maybe they should get this dude to host next year.

- The Killers win Best New Artist and for the first time ever, and drummer actually gives the acceptance speech.

- Stefani win best Diddy’s best dressed challenge even though she’s wearing some leopard spot dress out of the Soprano’s wardrobe. Obviously the female population voted for this as is it was judged by dudes Eva Longoria would have won by a landslide.

- Guided Vocal Alert! As I predicted, Mariah Carey’s performance made for a good bathroom break and her little midget showed to move around like an idiot. And if The Lox ever want to get some street cred, maybe they should stop showing up on J-Lo and Mariah songs.

- I don’t know who Paulina Rubio is, but I’m glad she wore that dress. And I like how she kept trying to say the Gorillaz couldn’t be their as the cartoon’s acceptance speech ran behind her.

- Remember when 50 Cent had credibility? His guided vocal performance was quite boring, and then brings out Mobb Deep, who just became hype men. Then come out the winner of the Macy Gray Award for lamest self promotion, Tony Yayo to perform the worst song of the medley. But thing were almost salvaged as 50 went on a tirade against Morbidly Obese Joe with plenty of obscenities making it on air. For those of those not paying attention 50 said, “Fat Joe is a…” um, as Naughty by Nature put it, “It’s another why to call a cat or kitten, there’s five letters missing here.”

- More reasons why My Chemical Romance suck, they are Diddy favorite band. I recently read in Rolling Stone that the group members are pushing thirty. That’s kind of creepy considering that their fan base is moody 14 year olds. Granted Eminem is on the wrong side of thirty and his fan base are 16 year old brats. And on the subject of MCR, is it wrong that I think the dead chick in their video is hot?

- Can anyone explain why Lil Bow Wow and Paris Hilton are still around? This did lead to the funniest awkward moment and Lil and Billy Joe could figure out if they should shake hands, hug, or give a chest bump.

- Did Michelle from Destiny's Child really just quote Fall Out Boy?

- Green Day wins Video of the Year and gets much love from Hammer on their way to accept the award. That should be award enough.

- As for a wet Kelly Clarkson and you shall receive a wet Kelly Clarkson. I wonder if anyone let the audience know they were going to be drench because I saw a few unhappy faces in the crowd. And some one should have told Kelly that when she performs in the rain, she may not want to go barefoot, but then had they done so, we wouldn’t have seen her slip in a puddle.

And then that was it. The surprise performances were Hammer and My Chemical Romance. That can’t be a good sign for an awards show. Also, no one got shot, unless you count Suge Knight who was shot at a pre show. But he was not critically injured and neither Lohan nor Hilton got caught in the cross-fire. For those who missed the show, it’s MTV, they will repeat it constantly for a month. And in response to getting panned over AOL’s coverage over Live8, for those with Broadband, you can see the whole show, plus extras, on MTV’s Overdrive internet channel.

My final tally:

3 of 21 (.143) thought should have won.
8 of 21 (.381) I predicted correctly.

Just as I Find My Footing Here You Come Again

The MTV Video Music Awards are tonight and I thought I would wax poetic about some new videos that were too late for consideration for this year’s show, but maybe you see them come next year. Click on the bold-faced names to follow a link to the video.

Dave Matthews Band – Dreamgirl

The most interesting part of this video is that it is the first time we see Julia Roberts on film of her twins, insane baby name #1 and insane baby name #2. The video follows Matthews watching a movie of a blank faced man who turns into various members of the band and a surprise ending. What I find odd about the video is the inclusion of Roberts who appears in her first video months after her older brother got some recognition after appearing in a pair of Mariah Carey videos and the Killers' Mr. Brightside. Did she really need to undercut her brother’s thunder? Eric had some success in the early 80’s, but Julia quickly became America’s sweetheart and Eric then became relocated to B-movies. I even recent read an article in TV guide talking about Eric’s daughter starting in a new show, but she was regarded as Julia’s niece and Eric wasn’t even mentioned. The least Julia could have done is let Eric corner the video market in the Roberts household.


Green Day – Wake Me Up When September Ends

A poignant look at how the war can affect today’s youth. I like how it subtly highlights that some people have to join the military because it’s the only work they can find. The video also does a good job at not really picking a pro-war or anti-war stance. It just put the images out there and lets you decide. Rachel Evan Wood, who has taken over Christina Ricci role as go to teenager in indie films but without Casper on her imdb page, gives a tour-de-force performance as the girlfriend. Too bad MTV doesn’t give out best acting awards at the VMA’s. And for anyone who says that you can’t be anti-war and pro military need to pay attention to the end when the Wood’s character says, “I just want you to know, no matter what, you always have some one here for you. I’m never gonna leave you.”


Backstreet Boys – Just Want You To Know

An interesting faux-documentary following heavy metal fans of the 80’s going to a concert of the faux-band Sphynkter. I mean it was interesting a couple years ago when American Hi-Fi had the exact same concept for their Flavor of the Week video. But it’s not like the Backstreet Boys have ever done anything original before, so why should they start now?.


Weezer – We are All on Drugs

A nice commentary on suburbs today where everyone seems to be on drug, and I don’t think the band is talking about the illegal variety, but as in Ritalin, Zoloft, Paxil and the like have everyone medicated these days. Rivers runs into many of those people throughout the video.

I'm Not Part of a Red-Neck Agenda

I really try to avoid hot button topics, not that I don’t have an opinion or I don’t want to offend, it is because I usually have nothing to add to the discussion that hasn’t already been said. One of the biggest story of the day that has seem to grab the headlines over the token missing hot chick of the month is the story of Cindy Sheehan. Of course she is the mother of a soldier who was killed in Iraq who is now camping outside George Bush’s ranch in Crawford, Texas as he takes his five week vacation. Cindy wants to speak with Bush about what her son died for and this puts Bush in a no win position. If he doesn’t meet with her he looks inconsiderate but if he does meet with her (again as he met with her once already) he looks like he’s caving in. But I’m sure everyone knew that already. And now there is a new group heading to Texas named “You Don’t Speak For Me, Cindy,” or YDSFMC for short. That could be the lamest name ever conceived. Couldn’t they get some vowels in there somewhere? But anyways.

Now I have no problem with Cindy protesting the war or YDSFMC for protesting Cindy or Bush for choosing to avoid Cindy. But my problem is who exactly are these people that can spend weeks at a time protesting (not too mention having a five week vacation)? I remember passing various people on campus back in college and think that I a big a fan of social activism as the next insane person, but I always have better thing to do than handcuff myself to a building because some one was putting eyeliner on monkeys.

Another interesting topic on this issue is how no major Democratic Party leader has stepped up in support of Cindy Sheehan. Well that was until now, going down to Texas is no other than… The Reverend Al Sharpton. Sharpton, I believe last seen at the Michael Jackson trail, will join Sheehan in a peace vigil. And the insain train doesn’t stop with Sharpton either as a group of white supreminist are planning their own rally. No they are surprisingly not joining the Sheehan/Sharpton vigil or YDSFMC, but they will be in Crawford to throw their hats, err, hoods into the ring to oppose the war because they believe it is helping out Israel. As James Kelso, assistant to David Duke and a senior moderator of a website that will go unnamed put it, they are down there to,

"let the world know that white patriots were first and loudest to protest this war for Israel. We don't want leftist Johnny-come-latelys who are misleadingly protesting this war – as if the war is about oil (not true), or as if it's right-wing patriots who launched this war (not true) – to hijack the issue from us. We want to challenge these leftists with the fact that their leftist leaders, like Hillary Clinton, are on the same war-for-Israel team as the cowardly Republicans who have been bought and paid for in the Senate, House, White House and media by the Jewish Neocon political machine."

That could be the funniest thing I have read in a while. And I always thought Neocons were the religious fanatics of Christianity not part of the Jewish political machine. But I digress. But to get back to my main point of this whole post, do any of these people actually have jobs?

We on Award Tour - 2005 VMAs Predictions

We are just a couple days until the MTV Video Music Award, the pantheon of all award show. I have already given my predictions (We on Award Tour – MTV VMA Nominations) but I did miss one award because it hadn’t been finalized.

Viewers’ Choice
Snoop Dogg w/Pharrell, "Drop it Like it’s Hot"
Green Day, "American Idiot"
Kelly Clarkson, "Since U Been Gone"
My Chemical Romance, "Helena"
Shakira w/Alejandro Sanz, "La Tortura"

Who I Voted For: Drop it Like it’s Hot
Who Will Win: Since U Been Gone

I think the pseudo-punk of Green Day and My Chemical Romance will cancel each other out and Shakira is a non factor, so this is basically a two man race. On a side note, MTV made a game out of the voting this year, check out their website to play/vote.

But let’s be honest, the VMA’s are not about the awards, c’mon, they gave Jennifer Lopez a Best Hip-Hop moonman, the show is about the performances and a platform to give us things like the triumphant return of Pee-Wee Herman, a Van Halen reunion, and Fartman. With last year’s lackluster show, I fully expect MTV to pull out all the stops to make this year memorable. I have already got wind of the first must see moment, the return to MTV of its greatest personalities, Beavis and Butthead. That alone should make up for last year’s flop. Hear are other things you should expect from the performances:

50 Cent – Medley alert! He has yet to have a big hit off his latest album, so there is going to be a medley of 2-3 of his songs. The performance will be very ghetto, but don’t expect too many people around him as most of his posse got arrested recently. The Game will make an apperence, well not actually the game, but some one posing The Game, who will get punked out by 50. And if we are lucky, a gun fight will ensue and Ashlee Simpson and Lindsay Lohan get caught in the cross fire.

Coldplay – They are there to sing Fix You, and there will be the weird light thing that appears in the video, aside from that, don’t expect much else except for a lecture about maketradefair.com.

Ludacris – At first glance, this seems like an odd choice considering Ludacris didn’t really have a big hit this year, or really ever had a cross-over hit. But her is why Ludacris is there: because Mike Myers will show up during his performance as Austin Powers, who Ludacris wax poetic about during his song #1 Spot. Just remember you heard it her first.

Shakira – This will be much like her performance a couple years back, lots of percussionists and lots of booty shaking, but this year it will be to La Tortura.

Mariah Carey – Expect her to sing the new song her new song, Shake it Off. There will be a lot of back up dancers and most like an appearance by the midget named Jermaine Dupree. Like her Movie Awards performance, this will make for a good bathroom break.

The Killers – The big hit, Mr. Brightside will be on the playlist and hopefully Eric Roberts and the Kate Bosworth look-alike make an appearance too.

Green Day – They will be performing the poignant Wake Me Up When September Ends with images from that video playing in the background. I also have a feeling there will be an encore with Green Day bringing out possibly members of the Ramones to take on Blitzkrieg Pop.

Kelly Clarkson – Medley Alert! Since You Been Gone and Behind These Hazel Eyes will both get some airtime, which can only mean Kelly will be breaking stuff while wearing a wet wedding dress. That could turn out to be entertaining.

Kanye West – The early frontrunner to be the best of show. Kanye will be surrounded by his posse, John Legend, Common, Jamie Foxx while performing his latest hit Gold Digger. After the song comes to a conclusion, Kanye will be the original backpack rappers on stage, A Tribe Called Quest, to do their classic Scenario. Don’t be surprised by a Busta Rhymes appearance her too.

R. Kelly – R. Kelly was just recently announced to be performing, I guess it took a while to get the paperwork done because of that whole thing about Kelly needing permission to leave Illinois. My first thought would be he’s would act out the most talked about song in a while, Trapped in the Closet. But then I realized that it would be silly to do just one chapter and doing all five would take up over 20 minutes. And the other songs on the album haven’t actually caught on. So what we will get to see is the premiere of Trapped in the Closet chapter 6, the next in saga.

But none of this may not happen because the VMA’s might debut a new diva down in Miami named Katrina. And even if she is out of the area by Sunday, she may do enough damage outside that puts a damper on the two-hour pre-show. I originally though Chris Martin would start his performance outside and wonder into the venue like the video, but Katrina most like ruined that idea. As for the opening, I think MTV should mock one of their more famous openings and bring out currently the most entertaining rumored couple, Quentin Terantino and Sharr Jackson, make out and announce, “And people said we wouldn’t last.” Now that’s pure humor.