Last week,
Grantland featured a story on the art of the comeback explaining how to do it (
Daft Punk) and what not to do (
Guns N' Roses). Not surprisingly the writer suggests not letting the back-story overshadow your record, you know, like taking fourteen years and thirteen millions dollars to record it and certainly do not wait until Dr. Pepper guilt you into releasing it because it will turn out bad for the both of you (five years later I still have not bought a Dr. Pepper after getting stiffed on my free can that I was promised). But in the article, the writer suggested that
Chinese Democracy is better that you probably remember which made me pop up Spotify to give it a first listen in five years (nope, still extremely disappointing). I bring this up because while on Spotify I had a big laugh at who was listed as Guns n’ Roses top “Related Artists” according to Spotify. I got such a good laugh out of it I decided to comb through the sight for the most absurb “Related Artists” according to Spotify and here are the top ten I found.
1. Guns n’ Roses – When I think Guns ‘n’ Roses I think eighties Sunset Strip and the hair bands of the era or possibly the other hard rock heavyweights of the time
Metallica who they had an ill fated tour with back in the nineties. But nope, the most related artists to Guns n’ Roses is
The Proclaimers. Yes the creepy twins one hit wonder from Scotland who sang
I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles).
2.
Beastie Boys – Most people think of the Beastie Boys as rappers but they have released punk albums too back in the day, and this may very well lead to the most random top five related artists currently on Spotify: classic rock God the
The Jimi Hendrix Experience, underground hip-hop group
Jurassic 5, the industrial
Nine Inch Nails, alternative rockers
Smashing Pumpkins, and the indie group
Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Pull up the full Related Artists page and it gets even more random:
Justice (dance),
The Heavy (funk),
Soundgarden (grunge),
The White Stripes (garage rock), Wu-Tang Clan (hardcore rap), and Blind Melon (one hit wonders).
3.
The Chemical Brothers – Here is another group that is listed as a Related Artist of the Beastie Boys but just because their top Related Artist is another Related Artist of the Beastie Boys (though I have no idea how either group are related to the Beastie Boys) does not make it any less head-scratching because do not ask me how the electronic group from the nineties is at all related to punk forefathers
The Clash.
4.
Taylor Swift – Taylor is a country artist whose records get poppier and poppier as they are released and other female contry crossover artists
Carrie Underwood,
The Band Perry and
Sugarland are all in her top five, but number one? The YouTube superstars and elecro-pop duo
Karmin.
5.
Rage Against the Machine – Sure Rage and
Thin Lizzy are both technically rock artists that were featured on VH1 Classic’s
Metal Evolution but it was two entirely different episodes, sub-genres, and eras. Granted if I were Rage Against the Machine, I would not want to be linked to the horrible nu-metal moment that came after them either.
6.
Snow Patrol – Earlier this month when I posted my
Greatest Eras in Rock and Roll History, Snow Patrol was featured in the Pop-Rock wave of the early 00’s and I would have figured other acts I had with them,
Coldplay,
David Gray,
The Killers, would be among their top artists. Nope, instead it is the teenaged cover artists who takes every song and turns it into a mopey depressing ode,
Birdy. Snow Patrol is not even one of the bands she covered. The rest of Snow Patrol’s top five which includes
Lissie,
Paloma Faith, and
Counting Crows is almost as head scratching).
7.
Lionel Richie – Lionel was one of the biggest acts of the eighties and I fully expected to see other RnB-pop acts of the time like
Michael Jackson or
Prince in his Related Artists or even his former group
The Commodores. Instead his top five in order are new wave band
Berlin number one followed by
Cyndi Lauper,
Phil Collins (who is also absurdly Jackson’s top Related Artist),
Chicago, and
Eric Carmen.
8. Robin Thicke –Considering he has the biggest song on the planet, Spotify would get this blue eyed soul man some artist of his ilk like contemporary
Mayer Hawthorne or maybe the greatest blue-eyed soul man ever
Daryl Hall, either solo or with
Oates, but no, his top artist is
Janet Jackson while other female nineties RnB acts
TLC and
Aaliyah also populate his top five.
9.
Weezer – Sure Weezer and
Stone Temple Pilots both are under the very large alternative rock of the nineties tent, but I would like think Spotify would be smart to have Weezer grouped together with other geek rockers
Barenaked Ladies or
Ben Folds Five instead of the second wave of grunge.
10.
The Breeders - The Breeders were an alternative rock one hit wonder off shoot of The Pixies from the nineties,
Robert Johnson was a blues singer who was born 102 years ago. Seriously Spotify, how does this even happen?
