You Need Two Things to Survive: Sex and Fire, One's no Good without the Other

For almost two seasons it was clear someone was not going to make it to the series finale of Rescue Me. It has been a long time since anyone lst their life in the line of duty, Damien came the closest being relegated to a vegetative state. If someone were to go Tommy would be the obvious choice because creator Denis Leary seems like the guy who would like to watch his own funeral as a fallen hero. Lou’s health made him another prime candidate as well as Chief Finberg who had some mental health problems. Black Shawn just got married and being happy never tends to last on shows like this. But it never crossed my mind the whole crew would go out in a blaze of glory, but there was Lou eulogizing five caskets in a church. Oh, wait, that was just a dream sequence. Nevermind.

That pretty much sums up the last couple seasons of Rescue Me: big build up with little payoff. Off the top of my head I cannot think a show the utilized the “Just Kidding, it’s Just a Dream Sequence” plot more than this show. Tommy fantasizing about taking a drink accounted for about half of them. And that does not even take into account the time he was drinking and talked to all the dead people in his life (or that one season where he saw Jesus and Mary Magdalene) or the times he would take a drink, talk to the dead, and then spit the liquor out. Apparently he has finally learned to chat up the dead with drinking as shown in the final scene.

After Tommy wakes up at the beginning of the finale, we learn that Lou was the only one that did not make it out the building alive and the remaining guys were left to memorialize the fallen lieutenant. After another rocky season, the death brought the show back to its roots focusing on the guys in the firehouse ranging from heartwarming to hilarious, Rescue Me really did locker room talk better than any show ever on television. Sure the scene where Tommy delivering his kid by himself in under a minute was completely absurd. And how can Tommy reject baby names for being to gay when Shea Gavin sounds like the gayest French restaurant ever? But anyway.

As strong as the series finale was, it does not hide the fact that Rescue Me should have ended about two seasons ago when the show shifted from being about the firefighters to a show about the Tommy, Shelia, and Janet love triangle. At that point the show seemed like it was just feeding Leary’s ego where he got to simulate sex with every hot guest star that walked on the set then the tribute to the profession it started out as. Then we started getting more painfully long scenes that left you looking at the clock seeing if it was actually lasting as long as it felt. Even though it could have ended a couple years ago and everyone would have been happier for it, the final shot was a fitting ending for a show born out of 9/11 just days before its tenth year anniversary.

Rescue Me 7.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Rescue Me: The Series gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Actually I’m Attached to my Toxins, We’ve Been Through a Lot Together

For anyone hoping to one day own ever season of Spin City on DVD, you probably have Mr. Tiger Blood to thank because just months after his Adonis DNA started to creep out for everyone to see, Spin City: The Complete Fifth Season, and the first to feature Charlie Sheen, has finally hit shelves. He replaced Michael J. Fox who off screen had to bow out due to his fight with Parkinson’s and on screen left after taking blame for Mayor Randall Winston’s association with the Mafia. Unfortunately Connie Britton left the show with Fox so anyone looking to see a pre-Tami Taylor Britton will have to pick up earlier seasons of the show.

Heather Locklear did return for her second season as the mayor’s Communications Director to get co-top billing with Sheen which lead to the funniest moment of the season during the credits where they share a scene where Locklear has a look on her face that read “why did they bring in the bum, I could have led the show by myself” while Sheen’s face read, “why won’t she have sex with me, I thought it was written into my contract?” On the show, Sheen took over as Deputy Mayor who had a reputation as a womanizer with a history of substance abuse named Charlie. No, seriously, that was how his character was actually described on the show.

With two leads whose comedy was not their strong suits, thankfully Spin City brought back some characters that could actually deliver a joke correctly. Barry Bostwick is back as the absentminded mayor as was resident kiss butt Richard Kind who may have the biggest mouth in the business. But the comedic standouts continued to be the bickering roommates Alan Ruck, the inept womanizer and the gay homosexual Michael Boatman. Lana Parrilla (who plays the Evil Queen in the upcoming Once Upon a Time) was also added to the cast as the office secretary but I do not remember one storyline she was given this season or was even spotted outside the office.

Throughout the season you will be able to spot such guest appearances by Marcia Cross, Raquel Welch, Rena Sofer, Jason Priestly, Vanessa Marcil, Kelly Monaco, Scott Wolf, Alyssa Milano, Willie Garson, Samm Levine, as well as Regis Philben, Barry Melrose, Rosie O’Donnell, Roy Firestone, and the disembodied voice of Bob Costas as themselves. You can also see a pre-fame Dakota Fanning, Kal Penn, Geoff Stults, Sarah Shahi, Bonita Friedericy, Kevin Rankin, Jack McGee and Seth Myers and blink and you’ll miss them cameos from Eric Stonestreet, Beth Riesgraf and Jenna Fisher.

You can now buy Spin City: The Complete Fifth Season now with all twenty-three episodes on four DVD’s (those who hate extra content wil be glad to know there is none on the set). Check out a clip below with new castmember Charlie Sheen and pre-Alias Sarah Shahi:



Full Disclosure Notice: This DVD set was given to me by Shout Factory for review.

I’m More of a Cat Person

In recent years, ABC Family has been a go to channel for guilty pleasures. But much like the channel they took the guiltiest pleasures crown from, VH1, the channel is teeter on being guilty without any of the pleasure. Pretty Little Liars is becoming more cumbersome to watch by the episode and The Lying Game debuted as a bit of a bore (see my First Impressions).

Then there is The Nine Lives of Chloe King which would be in the pleasureless guilt category had I not created the Chloe King drinking game where you take a shot whenever the show rips off Buffy the Vampire Slayer. As much grief I gave the show for its similarities to The WB classic, one of the show’s biggest problems is that it did not steal from Buffy enough.

Yeah, the best friends, chosen one, forbidden love were all Buffy staples, but what Chloe King should have adopted from Buffy was the monster of the week format. Instead of battling a new baddie every week, we only a small handful of them so the show could focus on the less interesting love triangle between Chloe, her protector, and a human she could kill if they ever kissed. The whole death thing took any intrigue of the love triangle. And let’s face it, in the finale, Chloe clearly did not kill the dude, she just paralyzed him and I bet there will be simple sure that will have him up and walking by the end of the season premiere.

It is a shame that the first season was not as interesting as the finale twenty minutes. We also got some cool action sequences (though I do not know why Chloe did not bust out her claws, We finally got some interesting plot twists: Chloe’s mom was dining with the evil dude, grandma had been poising as Chloe’s dad all along, the leader and her daughter were killed (okay, I bet the daughter survives and would not be surprised if the mom does too), and it turns out it was done so by the hand of the British dude’s brother. But I was disappointed he did not go into James Bond villain and give a monologue of his master plan when he poisoned the leader.

Had Chloe King spread those twenty minutes across the first season instead of cramming all the good stuff at the end, maybe the show would have been more please than guilt.

The Nine Lives of Chloe King gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. You can stream episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Nine Lives of Chloe King on iTunes.

This Is the Most Rocking Game of Charades Ever

Aw, summer television. When else can a show entitled Switched at Birth become a viable option to watch? The title alone makes it sounds like it would be better suited to be a Lifetime movie than an actual series. But considering that I am deaf and was switched at birth (okay, only one of those is remotely true) I felt obligated to tune in. Plus I wanted to see how, or even if, they would explain how someone did not realize that their kid was of a different ethnicity (granted I am still waiting Big Love to explain how the original Hendrickson’s managed to have three kids with three different hair colors).

As it turns out, at least one of the parents actually realize that the blonde kid may not actually be his which means the others are pretty much idiots. Not that I expect someone who tried to hook up with her son and JD McCoy’s father to be a MENSA members but just because a distant relative was Italian does not explain a half Italian half Hispanic daughter when you are both very WASPy.

Bad parenting aside, Switched at Birth managed not to so bad its good, or really even just plain bad at times. Sure there were some overtly primetime soap clichés like gambling additions, the warring mothers, the boy from the wrong side of the tracks, and the most egregious soap cliché which went into high gear in the finale and will no doubt carry into the next season: the love triangle between the girls that were switched at birth. But the show managed to find a heart that other new shows this summer never found (see yesterday’s Falling Skies season review). Katie Leclerc (who’s first acting gig was ironically on the episode of Veronica Mars where Mac learned she was switched at birth with Madison Sinclair) was a great find as the deaf Daphne and it is hard not to root for her on the show. While Vanessa Marano is, well, entertaining in a mini-Eliza Dushku kind of way. Hopefully ABC Family is smart enough to hold off new episodes until next summer because much like last year’s Pretty Little Liars, the show probably is not good enough to catch when it is up against real competition.

Switched at Birth 1.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Being the Leader of a Post-Apocalyptic Gang of Outlaws Has Been Exhausting

Spielberg! Aliens! The Dude from ER! It was hard not to get excited for the Falling Skies (well maybe not the Noah Wiley part) as producer Steven Spielberg made the most beloved alien movie of all time. Of course the aliens in Falling Skies did not come in peace or for Reese’s Pieces. But the problem with the television is that unlike the eighties movies, he was unable to create any likeable characters. Ten episodes later and the only one I can name off the top of my head is Pope (even worse, I do not even care enough to look the other ones up), yet almost thirty years later I can still recall Elliot and Gertie.

Where Falling Skies lacked in character development, it almost made up for with its sci-fi parts of the storytelling. The skidder upped the creep factor whenever crawled across the screen with their menacing four legs and only became creepier when we saw them cuddling with the children they kidnapped (which it looks like the harnesses that are put on the kids are turning them into skidders, which begs the question, will they grow two more legs or are the skidders a different entity). Then you had the nearly indestructible mechs with their sonic boomsticks. Although the aerodynamic aliens shown to be controlling the skidders like pets: not so scary looking.

Watching the final two episodes of the inaugural season of Falling Skies, I could not help but think about the first season finale of Lost where we spent two hour trouncing around the island looking for dynamite and kidnapped Aaron only for the episode to end with us not being able to see what was down the hatch. The first hour of Falling Skies seemed like a stall tactic while we are forced to watch a power struggle between Noah Wiley and the commanding officer while we are left screaming at the television, just bomb the alien structure already. And much like Lost, we leave the season with the biggest question unanswered, in this case why are the aliens here? I was expecting the chick from Veronica Mars to interpret their masterplan James Bond villain style in that last scene but it never came.

But it was that last scene which will be the reason to tune in next season (well that and much like this year, it’s not like there is anything much better on in the summer). What do the aliens want with Noah? How long do they plan to keep him? Will the resistance try to rescue him? Will they tell him their masterplan Dr. Evil style? Will we care about them more any anyone else in the cast? I am almost excited for next season. Almost.

Falling Skies 1.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Kenny Wasn’t Like the Other Kids, TV Mattered, Nothing Else Did

I am not one of those people the bemoan that MTV does not play music videos because I bet most of the people who do complain would not bother to sit through an hour of Lady GaGa and Katy Perry videos in hopes they may play the latest from Mumford & Sons when you can just go on the internet and see it on demand. But watching the channel’s retrospective on VH1 Classic all weekend (apparently the actual channel is too busy with a Jersey Shore marathon to get nostalgic) I realized just how horrible the channel’s line up these days compared to the classic days when even non music video shows did not suck.

If I am not mistaken, Remote Control, this month’s induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame, was the first show on MTV that did not resolve around music videos except for the lightning round where characters who have a wall of televisions in front of them and had to name the music videos that were playing on the ten screens. As the name suggested, Remote Control had a much more focus on television than music with many categories devoted to classic television shows like Leave it to Beaver and The Brady Bunch (Jerry Mathers even made an appearance while Barry Williams, Eve Plumb, and Susan Olsen actually played).

The game was simple, three contestants would come to the basement of Ken Ober, sit in easy chairs and buzz in for point with bizarre characters (my favorite being Dead or Alive, where contestants would have to guess, well, you know). In between commercials there would be a snack break, which was delivered from above the contestants. And when a contestant was eliminated, they were yanked “off the air” through a brick wall where they were tormented for all damnation.

Remote Control was surprisingly a launching pad for many of the cast. Ken Ober, rest his soul, would go on to star into the original Parenthood television show before returning to MTV in a trio of Blues Traveler videos. Co-host Colin Quinn would parlay the gig into a cast member on Saturday Night Live. While token hot click Kari Wurhrer would go on to be a staple during the Skinamax block of movies throughout the nineties. Ever her replacement Alicia Coppola would go on to have many recurring roles on shows like American Dreams, Jericho and most recently popped up on The Nine Lives of Chloe King.

But the most surprising breakout stars of the show included Adam Sander, who beat Quinn to Saturday Night Live by a half a decade before going on to become the biggest comedic actor for a decade and a half. Also performing skits on the show was another comic who would eventually make it huge, Denis Leary, including some famous commercials he would go on to film for the network.

Watching classic bits during the MTV of Remote Control like celebrity edition where LL Cool J goes head to head with (not Downtown) Julie Brown and "Weird Al" Yankovic and another featuring the Red Hot Chili Peppers (where Anthony and Flea played as a Two Headed Monster)makes me wish that MTV would add Remote Control to the list of shows the channel is rebooting along with Beavis and Butt-Head and 120 Minutes. If only for selfish reasons because I would be the Ken Jennings of the show.

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts… We’ll Deal with that Later

In my 2000 plus posts her on the 9th Green, I am sure I have made my fair share of stupid statement; it is probably a weekly occurrence (if not more often). But none is dumber than when I trashed the Friday Night Lights pilot equating it to one of the funniest unintentional comedy of all time. Let’s hop into the Scooter Time Machine all the way back to 10/10/06:

I’ll have to admit, there were a few chill scenes throughout the first episode like in practice like the guy that fumbled the ball who had to go in front of the tackling squad. But the show is brought down by the same reason I don’t watch sports movies, it is filled with too many cliché. The worst being the quarterback predictably going down, I knew this was going to happen the moment the backup quarterback came on screen. Then they had the backup comeback from not just a touchdown deficit, but two in the final six minutes to win the game. You know, just like Varsity Blues.

And if that is not bad enough, I even predicted that Friday Night Lights would be canceled before the then new to NBC Sunday Night Football aired its final game of the season. And here we are five years later and I do not know why I continued to watch after such a bad first impression (probably Lyla Garrity’s ponytail, the single greatest ponytails ever in the history of ponytails) but it is a good thing I did because the show finished its run as one of the five greatest shows ever to grace out television screens, topping my list of the Best Television Shows the last four year and racking in seventeen Scooter Television Awards (the most of any series).

In defense of my first impressions of Friday Night Lights, my main problem with the show was the football, from the Varsity Blues rip off of the first episode to the sixty yard hail Mary in the last one, the football was riddled with clichés throughout the series’ run. Seriously, the Panthers won way too many games in the final seconds that a perennial Texas state championship contender had any right to win. There had to be a few tomato cans on their schedule.

But Friday Night Lights was not about football, it was about the people that inhabited a football town. And the show created more characters worth caring about then any show in the history of television. Jason Street adjusting to his new life. Tim Riggins sacrificing himself for his brother. Matt Saresen balancing his new position and life at home. Trya Collette getting herself into college. Vince Howard, with one foot in prison, turning his life around. Becky Sproles dealing with the hardest decision of her life. And with many television shows unable to create even one character to root for, Friday Night Lights even had a multitude of recurring characters that could have a whole show focused around them: Buddy Garrity, Mama Smash, Grandma Sarasen, Billy Riggins, Mac McGill, Herc, Tinker, all of which I would have watched a spin-off featuring them.

As great as those previously mentioned characters are, at the heart of Friday Night Lights were Coach Eric Taylor and his wife Tami. There is a good reason why many of the characters listed them as role models individually or what they inspire to be in a relationship. They managed to support each other but still managed to keep their own voices. In a show that had depth in great relationships (Eric and Buddy, Landry and Tyra, Landry and Matt, Matt and Julie, Tami and Julie, Tyra and Tami, Trya and Lyla, Coach and Lance, Tim and Billy, Tim and Becky, Billy and Luke, Vince and Coach, Tim and Jason, Tim Jason and Lyla, Smash and Tim, Smash and Mama Smash, Matt and his grandma, Vince and Jess, Coach and Jess) the coach and his wife stood above them all and may be the greatest duo in the history of television. To do all these relationship’s justice would require a 400 page book to cover them all rightly.

Sure there were a few hiccups throughout the shows run aside from the football, most notably the second season. Landry killing a dude gets plenty of hate, but people seem to forget that season two also gave us Matt hooking up with his grandmother’s nanny and if it were not for the writer’s strike, Julie could very well have hooked up with her English teacher (which I guessed just got postponed for four seasons). But it was the strength of the characters that whenever the writers took a misstep, the characters were still worth rooting for. It is because of that it was a little disappointing when a handful did not show up in the final montage.

Since reboots are all the rage these days, is 2012 too soon for a Friday Night Lights reboot? C’mon, FX, how about fast tracking that. And for those that missed the series, were watching the ABC Family re-airs before they were yanked (then why are you still reading), or just want to watch the series again, ESPN Classic just began rerunning the series from the beginning.

Friday Night Lights 5.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Friday Night Lights the series gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

He’s Going to Tell Them About... Eh, Nevermind

There was a lot of chatter after the abysmal Lost finale that people were going to swear off network sci-fi shows indefinitely. But I am a glutton and went ahead and signed up four months after the Lost letdown for The Event (and No Ordinary Family, and The Cape). One byproduct of the travesty of the Lost finale is that I would no longer let a heavily serialize show give me false of being a grand, transformative television show.

Say what you will about The Event, it did aim high, throwing an alien invasion, government cover up, and a love story complete with plenty of time jumping that put Lost’s flashbacks to shame, for better or worse. But the time jumping faded away quickly for a more linear approach which is a shame because when done right (most notably the first season Lost and least notably the last season of Lost) it can bring about great character exploration, and when dealing with characters that seem not to age The Event could have benefited from sticking with it. Of course the time shifting could have answered long lingering questions that I no longer care about to brainstorm.

The shift in the timelines was not the only thing that changed as the show went along as I am pretty sure what the event as presented in the title changed in the writers’ minds a couple time. Silly me wrongfully said in my Preview of The Event series premiere that the event happened within the first hour. By the second episode I realized what I thought was the event was not actually The Event. Then when the show returned from a four month hiatus, the promo monkeys all but confirmed that the extinction of the human race was The Event. But in the finale, Simon clearly stated that The Event was, um, something that I am not sure I can explain without re-watching it a couple times. But he did definitely said The Event.

You have to take writers at their words when they say they have their series mapped out with benchmarks they want to hit but the problems with most sci-fi shows that have failed miserably in the Lost era and beyond is those benchmarks are clearly too far apparent. Then there are too many episode in-between where you just yell at your television screen, “Just get there!” Certainly the closing scenes of the season were visually stunning with an entire planet entering out orbit, but by the point it happened very few people were around to care. Had this happened in, say, the sixth episode instead of the twenty-second, you would have a much compelling story. Instead it took six episodes just to get Sophia to escape Inostranka.

And since the writers took too long to make anything interesting happen, we will not get a second season where there was going to be a lizard baby born to Layla and Sean. C’mon, you knew that storyline was coming from miles away, long before she broke the news to the father. But at least the serioes did not last long enough where all the characters met up in a church in purgatory.

The Event gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

The Five Most Anticipated Shows of Fall 2011

Looking at their list of new shows you have to wonder if NBC and ABC did a bit of spying on each other, they both have fairytale based shows and shows about iconic hot chicks of the fifties (there was almost a third of seventies retreat starring Friday Night Lights Alums but the Peacock decided not to pick up Wonder Woman). But only one of each nabbed a spot on my most anticipated shows for next fall.

1. Once Upon a Time (Sundays at 8:00 on ABC) – When I first saw the description for this I was hoping for something whimsical like Pushing Daisies and after seeing the promo I was a bit disappointed with the visuals in the fairytale world but the show still tops the list of shows I most want to see. Plus it will be nice to see Diane Snyder back on free television.



2. The Playboy Club (Mondays at 10:00 on NBC) – Sure it will be easy to call this a Mad Men rip off, Eddie Cibrian certainly gives off that Don Draper douchebag vibe, but I am intrigued by the murder subplot in the promo. And seeing Amber Heard in a Bunny outfit every week does not hurt at all.



3. Two Broke Girls (Mondays at 8:30 on CBS) – Whitney Cummings is executive producing two new shows this fall and she probably choose the wrong one to star in. Whitney looks like a bland retread while 2 Broke Girls is a better bet and looks to be greater than 2 and a Half Men (at least in quality). Really nobody does snark better than Kat Dennings. Hopefully the chick not named Kat Dennings finds her comic timing because she looks a little too ridged in the promo. Though not in the promo below, bonus points for casting Garrett Morris in the role of Mel Sharples.



4. Free Agents (Wednesdays at 8:30 on NBC) – Here is something that really was not on my radar until I watched the trailer, who new Rupert Giles could deliver a punch line?



5. Apartment 23 (Midseason likely during Dancing with Has Been’s and Nobody’s hiatus) – Ever since seeing her go head to head with Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino, I thought Dreama Walker had star potential and she is finally getting a starring role on television and looks primed to breakout. And Krysten Ritter is the perfect evil foil. It should make for a great pilot, but I am not entirely sure how they stretch it into a series. And I am not sure how James van der Beek as James van der Beek plays into this all. In the clip that ABC show they reference Paula Cole and a whip cream bikini, isn’t that his whole career? Where do you go from there?



Honorable Mention. Work It (Midseason-ish): I would have put this at number one but let’s face it, this will not air for very long, if at all. But for the three episodes that air I will enjoy it. It has been too long since Bosom Buddies has left the air.



There were some notable changes in network schedules next season, after trying to launch a three hour comedy block, NBC and ABC went back to two hours their signature nights and launch another hour block on Wednesday and Tuesday respectively. As I predicted, Chuck gets shuttled off to the Friday death slot (paired with the other fairytale show Grimm which looks like it may be this years The Cape). But the more surprising move is for the first time in recent memory; a network is airing new scripted programming on Saturdays. Granted it is only for a half hour and it is Rules of Engagement for CBS. But it should be interesting how it does and if any other network follows. Here is what I will be watching next fall:

Mondays
8:00 – How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
8:00 – The Sing Off (NBC)
8:30 – Two Broke Girls (CBS)
10:00 – Playboy (NBC)
10:00 – Castle (ABC)

Tuesdays
10:00 Parenthood (NBC)

Wednesdays
8:00 – Survivor (CBS)
8:30 – Free Agents (NBC)
9:00 – Modern Family (ABC)
9:30 – Happy Endings (ABC)

Thursdays
8:00 – The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
8:00 – Community (NBC)

Fridays
8:00 – Chuck (NBC)

Sundays
8:00 – Once Upon a Time (ABC)

Midseason
Awake (NBC)
Work It (ABC)
Apartment 23 (ABC)

Russians, So Many Russians

The winds of change were blowing this season on Chuck. Sarah and Chuck got engaged, Casey and Chuck (re)connected with long lost family members, Ellie and Awesome had a kid, even Buy More got a CIA make over after getting destroyed last season. But the more things change, the more things stay the same as the Buymorons Jeffster stay unevolved (and that is a good thing as they performed Push It while Ellie was delivering her kid).

This season though belonged to one man: Timothy Dalton as this year’s big bad, a CIA handler turned arms dealer turned English scientist. He commanded every scene he was in with vigor which was a grand contrast to last year with Superman’s boringness (and this year’s Sarah Conner blandness). Superman aside, this was really the first real singular big bad after Chuck and his team battled institutions like Fulcrum and The Ring. There has never been anyone on television that could effortless switch between menacing and humorous like he did this season most notably during the Thanksgiving episode.

The season built up to one last battle between Chuck and the family Volcoff after Vivian poisoned Sarah at their rehearsal dinner. And the episode delivered as Chuck went on a search for an antidote against the wishes of the wishes of the dude from Desperate Housewives (I geeked out when originally I thought it was Lost’s Man in Black who popped up on the screen until realized my eyes deceived me), one of the few men who strikes fear into Casey.

The episodes had so many chill moments that seem to have been missing since the second season including when the Russian army dropped in on at the hospital. Although the actual wedding was a bit disappointing in its subtleness compared the Jeffster infused nuptials of Awesome and Ellie. They could at least have performed at the reception. Oh well.

But all that good will was lost with the cliffhanger (silly me thought the title Chuck vs. the Cliffhanger was going to be homage to the Sylvester Stallone film). Sure Team Bartowski going rouge was telegraphed when Chuck gave his secret identities to Vivian and that should lead to some freshness next season (though how they will get cases is yet to be seen, but if The A-Team could find clients it should not be too hard or maybe General Beckman will be looking for work, and I assume the C.A.T. Squad may be out of jobs too). But what disappointed me was Morgan downloading the Intercet. I always hope for less screen time for Morgan and this probably means more screen time next season. I am already dreading it. Why couldn’t it been a member of Jeffster to find the glasses?

Chuck 4.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Guess You Forgot My Title: Undercover Specialist

I’m a purist at pretty much everything, I hate the designated hitter, David Lee Roth is the only lead singer of Van Halen. So when Survivor announced not one, but two twists for this season I cannot say I was thrilled. Make things worse is not only was one of the twists bringing back two past contestants, they were two of my least favorite of all time, Russell Hantz and “Boston” Rob Mariano. But surprisingly Redemption Island started out watchable enough with entertaining contestants such as Federal Agent (!) Philip Sheppard, Chewbacca impersonator Ralph Kiser, and two of the more attractive contestants in the history of the game, Andrea Boehlke and Natalie Tenerelli.

But then the Zapatera tribe had to go and anger the Survivor Gods and threw a challenge just to get Russell out after taking a quick 9-7 tribe advantage. But after quitting at a challenge they only one more after that, seeing their torches get stuffed eight straight times (if you do not count Matt getting his snuffed for the second time). This let Boston Rob and Manson Family style disciples to take hold on the game and made his reign the most boring stretch of episodes on any season of Survivor.

As for the other twist, Redemption Island also turned out to be an epic fail. Matt Elrod reenters the game and promptly gets voted out. Andrea reenters the game and promptly gets voted out. Redemption Island was an interesting concept, but the problem with introducing it into a game like Survivor where you almost always go with the easiest vote at tribal council and there is no easier vote than the person you already voted out.

In the end, a guy who played four times, half the time could not even make it to the jury, was the easy winner because he was saddled with the dumbest tribemates ever, lucked out that the other tribe was stupid enough to throw a challenge, and somehow competed in the season where all the immunity challenges had puzzles, even the last one which is always an endurance challenge (yes I am suggesting that Survivor helped Rob win). But congratulations to Rob, you won the most boring season ever. You join Barry Bonds as the least worthy person in the record books. Hopefully Survivor looked at the ratings, their lowest ever and never invites Rob back again. Also do not bring back Russell (which I was surprised Jeff flirted at considering it was revealed Russell leaked the outcome of his seasons. They should be suing him, not bringing him back).

But Rob is not the biggest problem with Survivor these days, after two of the three worst seasons back to back, the biggest problem with the show is casting. Seriously whoever did the casting these past seasons need to be fired quick. How does someone like Natalie get through the casting process? She got less screen time this season than the first person voted out this season and we saw why at the final tribal council when she could barely form complete sentences. Sure she is moderately attractive, but surely you can find token hot chicks that actually play a competent game much like former winners Parvati and Jenna. I would rather see a season full of Shambo’s than one full of Natalie’s.

Even though both twists were massive fails, Survivor is bringing them both back for next season. After twenty-two season, I may be out. I will give next season one episode but it is hard to think I could sit through another season like the last two. Maybe if the two they bring back are Coach and Philip for a showdown of the crazy people, which will up the comedy for the first three episodes, because I do not see either lasting longer than that unless they go on a Matt style Redemption run.

Survivor: Redemption Island gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

P.S. Is Vegas taking bets on how long the engagement of David Murphy and Carolina Eastwood will last because I would like to take the under. She definately wanted to say no.

I Can Still Arrest People You Idiot

The first season of Justified was as good as a television season gets, it kept building and building until the payoff of the season finale. Season two switched thing up almost ditching stand alone storylines completely with most episodes devoted to Hatfield’s and McCoy’s type relationship between Raylan and the Bennett clan, the area’s top marijuana export or to Wynona’s money problems thanks to her estranged husband poor business practices. (It should go without saying what the better storyline was this season.)

What was amazing, as great as the Crowder family, The Bennett’s managed to one up them this season in no small part thanks to Margo Martindale who commanded every scene she was in this season. She was blessed with the Larry, Curly and Moe of sons which makes you wonder whatever happened to Papa Bennett. When the police chief is the smart one, who you can actually see wheels spinning whenever he is around Raylan as he tries to figure out how he could kill the marshal and get away with it, you are in trouble. This is probably she took the spitfire Loretta under her wings, so she could pass down her legacy to someone who was not a complete moron.

Without too many stand alone episode, there were much more peaks and valleys this season unlike last season that kept building with ever new episode. First things built to Winona’s bank robbery, then to the Black Pike Mountain whoop-di-do, then to Coover’s demise, and the last couple episodes built up to the finale for the biggest showdown between the Gibbons’ and Bennett’s with Boyd stuck right in the middle.

Going into the season finale, the question was not who was going to die, but how many, and by whose hand. So many permutations going into the episodes and many more were added as it went along. Loretta finally exacted some sort of revenge of her father’s killer by putting a hole in Mags. Surprisingly the only Bennett to survive was the one with the biggest bullseye on his back, Dicky, who got a bit of his own revenge on Raylan in the form of a baseball bat. More surprising was that Mags drank some of her own apple pie upon learning a second son died by the gun thanks to her actions.

So as we go into season three both Raylan and Ava have a bullet each in them. And I have sinking suspicious that will not sit well with their significant others for different reasons. It is hard to think after putting bullets in both girlfriend and wife and aunt of Boyd, Arlo and Raylan respectively, the lone remaining Bennett may not be long for season three even in police custody, though he may not want to be sprung this time around. And with child Wynona may rethink her relationship with Raylan seeing him with a sizable flesh wound after telling him not to go down to Harlan. Should make for an interesting third season as long as Raylan does not get transferred to gun training.

Justified 2.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. You can stream episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Got a Secret, Can You Keep It

Despite posting a list entitled The 100 Guiltiest Guilty Pleasures of the 00’s, I really do not feel guilty about any of the music I listen to or television I watch. Yeah I have Hilary Duff’s Come Clean on my iPod, if you don’t like the song than that’s your problem. But Pretty Little Liars during its first season really asked the question of when does a guilty pleasure becomes just plain guilty.

The premise was primed for guilty pleasurness: four friends who drifted away after their Queen B disappear are reunited a year later when she is found dead, each of who are harboring a dark secret of their own that a mysterious figure is harboring over them claiming to be the dead friend.. Best case scenario is the show would be a poor girl’s Veronica Mars, who was even mentioned during the first season. Unfortunately it turns out the four Liars have a combined IQ of the junior private detective.

The dumbest of the all being Aria, who, despite catching her English professor dad in a torrid affair with a student that ruined her family, carried on a torrid affair with her English teacher for the entire season. What’s worse is the writers made this seem like a grand forbidden love story on the lines of Romeo and Juliet instead of the creepy statutory storyline that Nancy Grace would have dedicated a month of shows to if it happened in real life.

The other liars didn’t have much better success with the opposite sex. Or same sex in the case of Emily who announced her lesbianess only to attract every other gay chick in a five mile radius. Hanna, who took over the mantel of Queen B when Allison went missing didn’t have much luck when she was trying to decide between the captain of the football team (who may have had his own sexual questions of his own) and the Yearbook nerd only to choose the skeevy bad boy who was paid to get close to her. But worse choose in boys goes to Spencer who kept on hooking up with her sister’s boyfriend (include the one who may have killed Allison (but probably not) and then tried to kill her) only to end up with the town pariah.

At least the season ended on somewhat of a high note when we got more back story about Jenna, the chick that Allison, who was aided and abetted by the other liars, blinded. The lead suspect for “A” since the beginning we learned that Jenna had to stay away from town because Allison was blackmailing her because she found video of Jenna blackmailing Toby that was made by Ian (or possibly not, it is never confirmed, Ian may had thought the video Spenser was blackmailing him with was the one where he “killed” Allison). This revelation may cross Jenna off the suspect list of being Allison’s killer because she never returned to town until Allison’s body turned up dead. But her hooking up with the cop adds to the theory that she is “A” with the officer being her eyes.

Unfortunately the season didn’t end with the curtain being pulled off of who is “A” though we may have gotten a look at her (him?) as the person who pushed Ian off the bell tower (worst death scene ever). Even though Jenna still remains at the top of the list, with Toby, Mona, Melissa, Lucas, or some combination of them also ranking high on the list, I still hope that “A” turns out to be a not so dead Allison. Though I am not sure I will still be watching when they finally get around to the reveal.

Pretty Little Liars gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

College Has Been Everything I Ever Imagined it to Be

Back in college, one thing all the graduate assistants I worked with agreed on, do not do graduate work at the same school you did your undergrad. I could not help think of those words of wisdom when watching this season of Greek. Though I did not have any plans of going to grad school after graduating, watching Casey Cartwright this season I could see exactly why everyone suggested not continuing even higher learning at the same school.

Sure hanging out with undergrads you were friends with just three months ago may not seem that band, but how quickly you turn into that old guy at the college bar. And I got that vibe that Greek itself may have stayed one season too long and may have been better if the series would have just ended when Casey and Even Chambers graduated. Instead Casey and Cappie end up riding off into the sunset one semester too late (leaving Evan to wallow by himself yet again).

We even got a steady parade of returning alumni this season with Frannie, Katherine, Ashleigh, and Wade all finding their way back to Cypress Rhoades this season to mixed results but with one common theme, they did so with their tails between their legs. Again, you may be able to go home again, but that doesn’t mean you should. Even Lonegirl15 inexplicably popped up for no apparent reason. Who knew she was still attending CRU? Which begs the question whatever happened to Ben Bennett?

That is not to say season four was a complete waste. Dale, always the series MVP, finally got a major storyline worthy of the spotlight when the former president of USAG (fun fact: Abed from Community was also a founding member) actually rushed a fraternity and taught the guys who only gave a bid to get back at Rusty a thing or two about brotherhood. And his work as the ZBZ hasher was always comedy gold especially whenever Rebecca was involved.

Greek did miss the usual ten years later epilogue you expect at the end of college stories, but at least Dale finally got that kiss from Casey he had been pining for since he first laid eyes on her at his Darwin Lied concert. Here is hoping they do not come back to Cypress Rhoades except for the occational Homecoming weekends.

Greek 4.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Greek the Series gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.