We on Award Tour with Muhammad My Man Goin Each and Every Place with the Mic in Their Hand

Even though I mentioned the time during the latest 57 Channels, but it didn’t really don on me just how late this year’s Hip Hop Honors started until I switched over from Heroes (seriously, when is Kristen Bell showing up, the show is really getting painful to watch). A ten o’clock start time is just way too late for a two hour special. VH1 should know I like to get to bed promptly at ten-thirty so I can get my twelve hours of beauty sleep in. The late start time is most likely because of the absolutely horrible I Love New York, although if Midget Mac sticks around I may watch. Does anyone know if he did? (Be warned if you know the answer I will think less of you as a person). But anyways. You can (re)watch the performances and more over at hiphop.vh1.com. Here are some thoughts of this year’s festivities:

- Tracy Morgan is you host this year and fails to garner a laugh. And this is why I always have to scratch my head whenever someone tries to convince me that 30 Rock is funny because he is part of the show. Not to mention how overrated Tina Fey is. People always seem to forget she was the head writer for what is considered the least funny Saturday Night Live era ever (although the current era is trying to take that title). Yeah she was funny during Weekend Update, but that segment is idiot proof, even Jimmy Fallon was able to be funny during it. See, rants like this happen when I only get ten hours of sleep. Okay, back on track.

- They get the token female honoree out of the way earlier with Missy Elliot, the first misstep the show has had. If you insist on having a female, why not Queen Latifah, Roxanne Shanté or Mary J. Blige. I would even take the chick that sang Pump Up the Jam over her. Elliot is completely overvalued as a rapper just because of her eye-popping videos, but all her songs are mediocre at best. Her tribute was skippable with Eve, Nelly Furtado (don’t ask me what she was wearing), Ciara, and Tweet out of obscurity and yet no trash bag dresses in sight. Yawn.

- What, is the producer born Sean Combs going back to P. Diddy? I thought he was going as Diddy these days. Why bring back the “P”? Inquiring corny white dude minds need to know.

- He is out to honor New Jack Swing. I could name a dozen hip-hop artists more deserving, but I’ll let it go because long before the 9th Green existed I still made my best songs of the year lists for my own amusement and the very first list I made back in 1996 had No Diggity at number one. And to this day whenever I find myself in front of a microphone I find myself going through the whole, “Check, baby, check baby 1, 2, 3, 4” routine and sometimes bust out an entire verse depending on the audience. Fun Fact: Rump Shaker was actually written by an unknown Pharrell Williams who showed up twice last night yet for some reason was not involved in the Teddy Riley segment. But if you are going to pay tribute to New Jack Swing do you really need a Michael Jackson song? But we did find out why T-Pain uses that voice box thing because dude has a horrible singing voice.

- Wild Style is honored next. Never seen it, let’s move on.

- Whodini is a little before my time, but Freaks Come Out at Night is still a classic. I do feel bad for the group that they were resigned to having Nick Cannon, Nelly and Jermaine Dupri as part of their tribute. They really deserve better than that.

- Harvey Keitel fills this year’s token white dude quota to honor Snoop Dogg. Dr. Dre, who has been conspicuously absent for all the Hip Hop Honors, again isn’t present this year even though half the songs performed are technically his song. Maybe he will make an appearance once he finally finishes Detox because he really need to be honored himself or with N.W.A. as a group.

- And now what I have been waiting for four years, Q-Tip, Phife Dawg, Ali Shaheed Muhammad, and Jarobi: A Tribe Called Quest. Common does a decent job with Bonita Applebum, one of the few great rap love songs, and the hair on the back of my neck stood up when the beat for Scenrio started up. You know you are a great performer when you can just spout jibberish like Busta Rhymes did, I think he only rapped four actual words from the orginal verse, and still get everyone excited, yet Lupe Fiasco flubs a line and gets universally panned. Of cource how do you mess up the BBD line? But that all paled in compairison when Tribe themslves hit the stage for thilling renditions of Check the Rhyme and my presonal favorite Award Tour.

Now that A Tribe Called Quest is no longer the most deserving to be honored next, it is time to pick someone to replace them and I think I’ll go with Slick Rick to fill that void. In fact, here are the rappers who would be honored if I were running the show (who you got?):

Slick Rick

EPMD

Doug E. Fresh and the Get Fresh Crew

Too $hort (if Dr. Dre passes)

The Pharcyde

Yo! MTV Raps (Fab 5 Freddy, Ed Lover, Doctor Dré, Ted Demme)

We on Award Tour: 2007 MTV Video Music Awards

Remember the catchphrase from what I think was the eighth installment of the Lethal Weapon franchise when Danny Glover (or was it Mel Gibson) said, “I’m getting too old for this (expletive deleted)!” Well that is how I have felt after ever Video Music Awards since, um, when was the last time Chris Rock hosted? But I thought this year was different when the show was announced thanks to scheduled performers Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse. Apparently MTV got word of this and since they have been trying very hard to keep anyone that is actually older than they are, both ended up not being able to make it to the show.

And so went the interest as most anyone who isn’t a fourteen year old white girl that still thinks Fall Out Boy are cool. But in the end I guess it is good that neither made it because they probably would have just been relegated to singing for thirty second with Mark Ronson before MTV cut to commercial. Seriously, if I wanted to hear less than a minute of a song I’d watch TRL. Eighteen different acts were featured but only five get to perform a full song. Why bother? Apparently you can watch all the suite performances at MTV.com but you might as well wait until someone rips the best to mp3. Here are some other thoughts on the show:

- We start off with the fairly worthless pre-show where they roll out John Norris again. Did this guy sign some sort of life-long contract? MTV has a stricter age limit than Menoudo yet he still gets rolled out every year with his boyband circa 1999 haircut. And there is something to say that even though T.I. was in the building, he didn’t bother to show up for the chick from the Pussycat Dolls performance, who relied heavily on guided vocals, even though he appeared on the song.

- The big show started of with the much hyped Britney Spears performance and despite with expectations were so low she could walk over the bar, she still found a way to slither under it. Now I have never watched America’s Got Talent, but her performance is what I would imagine what a Britney impersonator’s that was let on the show just so the Hoff would have something to laugh at would look like. She didn’t bother to lip-sync half the time and was a half to full step behind her back up dancers half the time and looked lost half the time. But I guess it would be hard to remember the steps and to move your lips when you spent three minutes trying to hold in your gut. Note to Britney: fat people don’t walk around in their bra and panties. Yeah you could have pull that look off thirty pounds ago but you now either need to put some clothes on or work in a thousand sit ups a day.

- MTV seriously dropped the ball with the opening. They usher out a train wreck that hasn’t been musically relevant for half a decade for an embarrassing performance when they should have convinced Vanessa Hudgens open the show asking the crowd, “heard any good jokes lately?” (Thanks to everyone who pointed out why people she all the sudden became the most popular search to the 9th Green). Everyone would have talked around the watercooler today how great the opening was instead of how horrible it was. Well actually most of the watercooler talk today was, “wait, the VMA’s were last night?”

- Apparently MTV had a contingency plan in case the Brittney performance died like it did with Sarah Silverman coming out to make fun of her. Granted the best line was, “that’s not nice calling Madonna a python” as well as her backhanded comments to Paris Hilton who once again tried to look upset before breaking out laughing.

- Rihanna wins the Monster Single of the Year as well as the monster cleavage of the year award.

- Jennifer Hundson (as Alicia Keys calls her) comes out to give the most worthless award of the night, the quadruple threat award. Since when is having a clothing line a threat?

- Holy Pat Smear sighting!

- Kanye West and 50 Cent come out to hype their release date. I have said this before and I will say it again, for the love of hip-hop be sure to pick up Graduation this week so 50 retires for coming in second. Anyone find it interesting that no one even mentions Kenny Chesney who has a legitimate chance to outsell either of the rappers. Don’t underestimate the buying power of hillbillies. But any ways. Be sure to look out for my Kanye review tomorrow and 50 on Wednesday.

- Forty-five minutes into the award show and we get our first full performance by Chris Brown who did a much better job lip-syncing that Britney. But that really say much about it. But is does say something that Rihanna stole the show from him.

- Justin Timberlake’s music sucks massively and acts like a complete tool ninety-five percent of the time but I like his blast at MTV and their reality programming while accepting an award from The Hills (but I’d like to state for the record that I would definitely stand underneath the brunette’s umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh). But then lost points when saying that The Simpsons were part of MTV’s reality programming.

- Seriously, Cee-Lo singing Prince while being backed by the Foo Fighters only gets thirty seconds of airtime?

- I must take this time to apologize to CBS for creating the most appalling reality show ever with Kids Nation. I didn’t realize MTV would counter with A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila (whoever that is), your token Bachelor rip-off but with sixteen lesbians and straight dudes. But there is something to say that both channels are owned by the same company (keep in mind this is also the same company that axed Veronica Mars).

- Are we really supposed to believe Shia LeBeouf didn’t really have express written consent to reveal the new Indiana Jones title (Kingdom of the Crystal Skull). That is just insulting our intelligence.

- Who keeps inviting Pamela Anderson to these things? She and Carmen Electra should be well into their begging to get on the Surreal Life point in their life but somehow they still get on big name events. What’s worst is supposedly she is the reason for the most interesting thing that happened all night (Kid Rock sucker punching Tommy Lee) and MTV didn’t even bother to air it.

- Speaking of overrated chicks, Megan Fox may be one of the few people that rival Anderson in that category. She announces Timbaland who does some weird thing before tossing it to Linkin Park. What was that? Why even bother? Why not just have Fox toss to Linkin Park. Timbaland is just completely worthless.

- During the pre-show Rihanna mentioned she was going to rock out tonight and I thought maybe she would be backed by New Order (Shut Up and Drive samples Blue Monday), but now it is just Fall Out Boy who just took home Best Group. Yawn.

- Alicia Keys adds some class to program even if she was wearing that looked like Olivia Newton-John combined her wardrobe from the final scene from Grease and the Physical video. The new song was decent, but I’m not sure where I come down on Freedom ’90. I was hoping that maybe she would bring out George Michaels but alas no.

- Jamie Foxx comes out to show everyone how much he has had to drink while in Vegas then shuts ups just long enough for Jennifer Garner announce the Best New Award as Gym Class Fallout. Yeah, that seems just about right.

- MTV then rolls out a week old joke that really wasn’t that funny a week ago in the Miss Teen South Carolina who flubs while pretending to flubs. Nice. At least she gave the Wu-Tang Clan a shout out.

- The big surprise guest of the night is Dr. Dre (who is disturbingly showing his age). No he didn’t perform or even receive a Lifetime Achievement Award or anything interesting, no he is just relegated to handing out Video of the Year to Rihanna.

- The show ends with Nelly Furtado, Timberlake and Timbaland each performing a verse from their latest song before getting together as the song they did together start only for the track to stop so abruptly that Timbaland had to inform everyone five seconds later that that’s the end of the show. How apropos of an end.

- I’m really getting too old for this (expletive deleted).

You Know What Time it Is

From the first inception of the Roast, there hasn’t been an easier target than Flavor Flav. If fact the only easier targets out there would be Paris Hilton and George Bush (who was mentioned three times last night, my favorite: “You treat birth control like George Bush treats the constitution - you pretend it doesn't exist”). So naturally the Comedy Central Roast of Flavor Flav was the funniest in recent year, not that it had much competition after the Pamela Anderson and William Shatner failed to deliver any laughs. I guess some of the credit goes to Flav himself who laughed at ever single joke like he was sitting through a Richard Prior concert film. He was even the only one laughing when Jimmy Kimmel made his Chris Benoit comment. Hopefully ABC took note of this and yanks his show, seriously, is this any worse than Bill Maher comments that got him canceled?

And really you know a Roast is going to be good when even Greg Gerardo can get a laugh. Um except for went he went after Ice-T. I don’t care if it is a Roast, you don’t make fun of Ice-T. If Greg is conspicuously absent from next year’s Roast, I think we all know what happened. Well not that anyone would notice he was missing. But even though everyone else killed, well except for Brigitte Neilson, Lisa Lampanelli who once again remained unfunny even with the easiest target. And seriously, someone needs to teach that girl how to cross her leg. And whenever someone made fun of her, she actually laughed harder than Flav.

Even though this was one of the better Roasts that most lately it was still bogged down a little by things that brought down previous Roasts. First and foremost is that each Roaster tries to out ranch the previous one. You really don’t need every other word bleeped to be considered funny. Also the Roasters again spend way too much time on each other than the actual Roastee. There may have been more jokes about Neilson than Flav this year just like in past years when Sulu, Bea Arthur and Andy Dick took more abuse than the person they were supposed to be Roasting.

If you missed the Roast or would just like to see it again, head over to ComedyCentral.com to see uncensored clips included the unaired Lil’ Bush segment which was actually funnier than anything that was on his show. You can also download The Uncensored Roast of Flavor Flav in its entirety from iTunes.


And I would be remised if I didn’t bring up Chapter 13 of Trapped in the Closet. I have to admit after waiting a year and a half it was a bit of a letdown. Maybe it is just because it is a transition chapter before Sylvester and Twan get to wherever they are going, but I think we may have to brace ourselves just in case Trapped in the Closet takes a Lost season two type nosedive in terms a quality. But at least Kells did have one great line which my censors won’t allow me to repeat here but I will say it was the one when he brought up a fish.

We on Award Tour: 2007 MTV Video Music Awards Nominations

The MTV Music Video Awards: once was the cream of the crop of all awards show now it is barely the most entertaining award show on its own network. Yeah this could be because of poor choices of hosts. No host announced for this year (yet?) but Timbaland has been named the music maestro whatever that means. There were some huge shake ups in the categories this year with a significantly less number of them than before including the category that were voted on by the fans, Viewers Choice and the MTV2 Award. Also gone are all the genre categories, so no rap, hip-hop, r&b, rock and pop. Although this year you can vote for the Best New Artist here. Also it looks like this year most of the categories are more about a portfolio of work rather than a specific video by an artist, a change I hate because it puts more focus on the artist instead of the video. But anyways.

The show airs September 9th and as part as being the music maestro Timbaland got to picvck the performers that will include himself (naturally), Chris Brown, Fall Out Boy, Foo Fighters, Rihanna, Kanye West, and Amy Winehouse. Lily Allen is also scheduled to perform but considering her work visa got yanked she may have to do so via satellite. Also Mark Ronson with be the house DJ this year. Now here are this year’s nominees:


Video of the Year
Amy Winehouse - Rehab
Beyoncé - Irreplaceable
Justice - D.A.N.C.E.
Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around ...
Kanye West - Stronger
Rihanna (featuring Jay-Z) - Umbrella

Who Will Win: What Goes Around…
Who Should Win: Stronger
Should Have Been Nominated: Signal Fire - Snow Patrol

Timberlake and Beyoncé so conventional wisdom says one of them will take home the biggest prize, not that either deserve it. Yeah What Goes Around… was entertaining in a they were actually taking it seriously kind of way but it doesn’t even rank in the top ten of the past year. But to look on the bright side, if either win Kanye just may storm the stage.


Male Artist of the Year
Akon - Don't Matter, I Wanna Love You (featuring Snoop Dogg), Smack That (featuring Eminem)
Kanye West - Can't Tell Me Nothing, Stronger, Classic (Better Than I've Ever Been - DJ Premier remix, featuring Nas, KRS-One and Rakim)
Justin Timberlake - Let Me Talk To You/ My Love, SexyBack (featuring Timbaland), What Goes Around ...
T.I. - Big Things Poppin' (Do It), You Know What It Is (featuring Wyclef Jean), What You Know
Robin Thicke - Can U Believe, Lost Without U, Wanna Love You Girl (remix, featuring Busta Rhymes and Pharrell)

Who Will Win: Kanye West
Who Should Win: Kanye West
Should Have Been Nominated: Common

Here is my big complaint on the multiple videos thing; if Akon were to win do Snoop Dogg and Eminem get an award too or even allowed on stage? They may just give this to Kanye to appease him from getting too upset.


Female Artist of the Year
Amy Winehouse - Rehab, You Know I'm No Good
Beyoncé - Irreplaceable, Beautiful Liar (featuring Shakira)
Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry (Personal), Glamorous (featuring Ludacris), Fergalicious (featuring Will.I.Am)
Nelly Furtado - Maneater, Say It Right
Rihanna - Umbrella (featuring Jay-Z)

Who Will Win: Beyoncé
Who Should Win: Beyoncé
Should Have Been Nominated: Lily Allen

It is a shame that Lily Allen isn’t included here because her trio of videos are more entertaining than any other anything else on this list, most of which are downright boring. Of course MTV would rather nominate the bigger stars in exchange for them to show up at the awards to perform or present. And did MTV run a test to make sure Fergie belongs in this here?


Best New Artist
Amy Winehouse - Rehab, You Know I'm No Good
Carrie Underwood - Before He Cheats
Gym Class Heroes - Clothes Off, Cupid's Chokehold/ Breakfast in America
Lily Allen - Alfie, Smile, LDN
Peter Bjorn and John - Young Folks

Who Will Win: Gym Class Heroes
Who Should Win: Lily Allen
Should Have Been Nominated: Cold War Kids

It is odd that Underwood only has one video listed because she has released five videos off here album. Of course that is almost as odd as here getting a nomination at all because 1) her album was released a year and a half ago, 2) she doesn’t appeal to MTV’s core demographic. I wonder if she has ever been played on the channel. Again, you can vote for the Best New Artst. I am not going to say who you should vote for, but be sure you vote for Lily Allen


Best Group
Fall Out Boy - This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race, Thnks Fr Th Mmrs
Gym Class Heroes - Clothes Off, Cupid's Chokehold/ Breakfast in America
Linkin Park - What I've Done
Maroon 5 - Makes Me Wonder
White Stripes - Icky Thump

Who Will Win: Gym Class Hero
Who Should Win: Linkin Park
Should Have Been Nominated: Arctic Monkeys

This will most likely come down to Fall Out Boy and Gym Class Heroes but I think it will go to the latter signifying the end of the Fall Out Boy era. Hooray. As for quality it comes down to Linkin Park and the White Stripes, with LP having a slight edge.


Most Earthshattering Collaboration
Akon (featuring Eminem) - Smack That
Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar
Justin Timberlake (featuring Timbaland) - SexyBack
Gwen Stefani (featuring Akon) - The Sweet Escape
U2 (featuring Green Day) - The Saints Are Coming

Who Will Win: Beyoncé and Shakira
Who Should Win: U2 (featuring Green Day)
Should Have Been Nominated: Mark Ronson (featuring Lily Allen) - Oh My God

In an attempt to remain cool we get lame category names like Eathshattering. Yawn. You are showing your age MTV. And don’t ask me why all the videos are “featuring” someone except the Beyoncé and Shakira one.


Quadruple Threat of the Year
Beyoncé
Bono
Jay-Z
Justin Timberlake
Kanye West

Who Will Win: Justin Timberlake
Who Should Win: Bono
Should Have Been Nominated: Scooter McGavin

What does this even mean and why should we care?


Monster Single of the Year
Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend
Daughtry - Home
Fall Out Boy - Thnks Fr Th Mmrs
Lil Mama - Lip Gloss (No Music)
T-Pain (featuring Yung Joc) - Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin')
Timbaland (featuring Keri Hilson, D.O.E. and Sebastian) - The Way I Are
MIMS - This Is Why I'm Hot
Plain White T's - Hey There, Delilah
Rihanna (featuring Jay-Z) - Umbrella
Shop Boyz - Party Like A Rock Star

Who Will Win: Umbrella
Who Should Win: Hey There, Delilah
Should Have Been Nominated: Rockstar (Nickelback)

Just to show how out of touch I am with the current MTV generation (keep in mind I was part of the original generation), six of the ten nominations have a very good chance of showing up on my Worst Songs of 2007 list. And the other four won’t be charting very high on my 100 Best Songs of 2007 list either if at all. And can the Fall Out Boy single really be considered a “Monster” single? And why are the Video Awards honoring single? Well I guess it is better than the ring tone catagory last year. I could easily rattle off at least ten song that were bigger hits this past year. As for Nickelback, I am going to talk more about this song tomorrow (or by Friday at the latest).


I am not really one to comment on the technical awards but here are those:

Best Director
Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar (director - Jake Nava)
Christina Aguilera - Candyman (directors - Matthew Rolston and Christina Aguilera)
Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around ... (director - Samuel Bayer)
Kanye West - Stronger (director - Hype Williams)
Linkin Park - What I've Done (director - Joseph Hahn)
Rihanna (featuring Jay-Z) - Umbrella (director - Chris Applebaum)


Best Editing in a Video
Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar (editor - Jarett Figl)
Gnarls Barkley - Smiley Faces (editor - Ken Mowe)
Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around ... (editor - Hollee Singer)
Kanye West - Stronger (editors - Peter Johnson and Corey Weisz)
Linkin Park - What I've Done (editor - Igor Kovalik)


Best Choreography in a Video
Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar (choreographer - Frank Gatson)
Chris Brown - Wall To Wall (choreographers - Rich & Tone and Flii Styles)
Ciara - Like A Boy (choreographer - Jamaica Craft)
Eve - Tambourine (choreographer - Tahesha Scott)
Justin Timberlake - My Love (choreographer - Marty Kudelka)

We on Award Tour: 2007 ESPY Awards

Surprisingly ESPN’s ESPY Awards have quickly become the most entertaining award show on the circuit these days. Sure there are some major flaws including that of the fans voting which has lead to a football dominated show thanks to the NFL being the most popular league, even though some of the times it doesn’t actually deserve the awards. And I was disappointed this year that they didn’t do their parade of the best of their respective sports this year like they did in the past. But that is made up for thanks to the best montage package each year as well as the emotional high because of the yearly Arthur Ashe Award for Courage segment. Here are some thoughts on this year’s festivities:

- Another glaring problem with the ESPY’s is that it is continually scheduled behind a baseball game leading the show to start late every year, granted the ten minutes this year was a lot better than the over a half an hour last year. And I also totally forgot the pre-show because, again, they relegated it to ESPN2. Oh well.

- The show starts off with shots of athletes in attendance as well as a gratuitous Kate Walsh sighting. Well at least Disney, who owns both ESPN and ABC, didn’t go overboard this year with its blatant synergy plugs with her being the only one this year.

- It is never a good sign how well your monologue is going when a reaction shot of Shaq not laughing at a Shaq and the Beanstalk joke gets a bigger laugh than any of your jokes. When will people realize that Adam Corolla was the genious behind The Man Show, not Jimmy Kimmel? Although TI sitting next to TO makes the least famous Jackson way be the most underappreciated joke since Uma/Oprah.

- At first I thought the whole shower sketch was just a ploy to see Danica Patrick wet but Frank Tarkanian with the towel had me on the floor. Yeah they went a long way for that joke but it was definitely worth it.

- Can we please stop pretending that Carmen Electra is hot? Her and all the chicks with clown boobs on the wrong side of thirty-five just need to go away sooner than later.

- LeBrentourage: good idea, bad execution. Too bad they couldn’t do a live action version, which would have been a lot more entertaining. But obviously there would been too many scheduling conflicts.

- We get our very first Jimmy V Perseverance Award this year. Great, another segment that will make me bawl like a twelve year old girl each year. And the inaugural recipient, NC State basketball coach Kay Yow, hit a little too close to home as she battle breast cancer for the third time.

- Ironic that they show Shawn Merriman, who got an invite to the show even though he got hit with a suspension this year for using a performance enhancing drugs, during Best Record Breaker considering Big Head Barry will most likely be up for the award next year.

- I had a little laugh when they chose Heartbreaker to play during Best Female Athlete. That is slightly sexist. Speaking of sexist, the award goes to the hottest chick in the field (full disclosure: I think I voted for Taryne Mowett for that very reason). Then Kate Walsh embarrasses herself by not even being able to pronounce the winner’s name even though they just said her name just seconds before segment. Seriously, they gave this girl her own show?


- Then there was the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage this year handed out to Trevor Ringland and Dave Cullen, a Catholic and Protestant both from Northern Ireland who are both active in Peace Players, an organization devoted to bridge social divides through sport. For more on the program or to donote, check out their website.

- Not the best idea to follow the Arthur Ashe Award with LeBron James materialism obsessed song set to Bobby Brown’s My Prerogative.

- Ugg, another Dane Cook sighting. It is like the more exposure he gets, the less funny he becomes.

- Did they seriously announce Franco as the dude from The Bronx Is Burning? Did anyone actually watch that? Certainly more people know him as the dude from Rescue Me.

- Great moment backstage with Kevin Durant backstage talking about his ESPY for Best College Athlete with, out of nowhere, Greg Oden jumps into frame to brag about getting second. Too band Grampa Oden will be stuck in the Pacific Northwest because this may be the last time we see him.

- Who invited Kelly Clarkson? Usually they pair up the athletes with actors so there is at least someone up there that can read teleprompters (Kate Walsh not withstanding). But it was funny when the random dude who turns left for a living opened up the card and tilted towards Kelly to read, only to announce the winner himself.

- LaDainian Tomlinson wins Best Male Athlete? Yeah I would vote for him as the Best Fantasy Player but not Best Male Athlete. Rodger Federer was robbed.

- The end musical number was a little cluttered with Macy Grey, the Dap Kings, Rocco DuLucia, and Common all taking turns. But it is not like the night is about music.

We on Award Tour: 2007 MTV Movie Awards

After years of just having random hot chicks host, we finally have an actual comedian host the MTV Movie Awards. But as soon as the get something right, they do something as equally wrong to cancel out the goodness, namely replacing professionally done movie spoofs with amateur ones which after seeing the final three, was a huge mistake. You know the spoofs were really bad when the best actually spoofed United 93. You know, the movie that documented the flight that went down in Pennsylvania on September 11th. But the show wasn’t all bad; here are some more thoughts on the festivities:

- We get are very first commercial free pre show and it is pretty clear the Transformers was the one that picked up the tab. I would say a good twenty minutes of the half hour was devoted to the movie. And even though I was a huge Transformers in my youth, there is no way you can get me to see a live action movie version. I have leaned my lesson from the live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies.

- One of the few non Transformers interviews was with Mandy Moore and the dude from The Office (I choose not to type his name not because I can’t spell it but because, well actually, that pretty much sums it up) who hilariously pull out the sarcasm when it is mentioned that Paris Hilton arrive.

- That may have been the worst opening in the awards history. Obviously someone was smoking something when they wrote that.

- At least that was saved but the monologue when Sarah Silverman has even more fun at Paris Hilton’s expense. Is it wrong that my biggest laughs of the night were when people started cheering when Silverman mentioned Hilton’s impending jail team and the subsequence look on her face when Hilton realize everyone hates her.

- We are live for the first time tonight and it seemed there were a lot more cursing then usually even if you take away Silverman’s closing song.

- The cast of Fantastic Four is out first to present. Pretty much every presenting team was a cast of a movie (I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Live Free or Die Trying, License to Wed, Transformers, Hairspray). It’s like MTV doesn’t even try not to hind they are a complete industry shill. I guess they don’t have to when people like me come back every year. Not surprisingly they handed out the award for best villain to Jack Nicholson because he was prominently shown during the monologue and Jack isn’t showing up if he didn’t win. And since there were no gratuitous shots of him after the award, I bet he walked right out of the auditorium after picking up his award.

- Seriously, the Mac guy is going to be in the next Die Hard movie? Did Bruce Willis just okay this to get iPods for his family? And did he get the Windows guy a cameo?

- They really needed to black out more than they did in the Borat fight scene.

- Apropos that Dane Cook introduced all of the laughless amateur spoof. Almost as unfunny as the spoofs and Cook were those Human Giant spots. Now I know to never watch that show.

- In the rare non-cast presenting team, they took the time machine back to 1997 to team up Posh Spice and Chris Tucker.

- Is Umbrella really the number one song in the country? The live rock version is was a little better than the album version. Although Rihanna must really be talented if she can sing if we can hear her without her lips movie like at the ends of the performance.

- At least we got one good spoof with Silverman trying to find a presenter. Unfortunately it ended with another poor idea, having a random webcam user present an award.

- Why have an Orbitz Dirty Mouth if they don’t even show the winner let along the nominees. Oh yeah, it was just for a blatant cooperate sponsorship.

- They are resurrecting the Unplugged series for Bon Jovi? Or are they reshowing one from twenty years ago?

- It was nice that MTV made fun of all the annoying people who quote Borat ad nausea with the Boratititus segment. Yes random frat boy, I’m talking to you, stop it, it is not funny when you do it.

- When I heard Mike Myers was going to win the Generations Awards I was excited thinking they were going back to their roots like the great Lifetime Achievement Awards. That was until I realized they were awarding it to Austin Powers not the unkillable homicidal maniac. What was really sad was Myers pulled out an old Wayne’s World joke with the whole sell out part of his acceptance speech.

- As much as I like Amy Winehouse, her performance was a little disappointing as it was the same as her Letterman performance and every other show of the like. They could at least show pictures of Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, et al, behind her. In fact, they just released a remix of the show with Jay-Z, he was already there, he could have jumped on stage.

- I would personally like to thank whoever decided to turn Amanda Bynes into a stripper. She didn’t quite pull it off entirely, but it still worked for me.

- It was nice to see a movie that was universally panned by critics and viewers alike, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest actually took home the Best Movie award. And it is not a good sign when your live awards show actually ends two minutes early. No wonder we rarely saw the morbidly obese dude with the freakish bellybutton.

We on Award Tour: 2007 MTV Movie Awards Nominations

You know that the MTV Movie Awards have become a complete skill for the movie industry if you check out the category they stuck in at the end Best Summer Movie You Haven’t Seen Yet. Then the movie that garnished the most nominations, along with 300, was a movie that everyone panned, but who’s third installment in the series is also coming this summer. With that said, I’ll still be tuning in June 3rd mostly because for the first time in what seems like forever, an MTV awards show may actually have a host that may be funny in Sarah Silverman. Here are the nominations and you can always head over to MTV.com to cast your vote or Yahoo.com to vote for your favorite fan submitted spoofs:


Best Movie
300
Blades of Glory
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
Little Miss Sunshine
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Who Will Win: Borat
Who I Voted For: 300

Maybe it is a generational thing, but I have never understood the whole Borat phenomenon. Same with Will Ferrell, someone really needs to tell explain how they actually find them funny. But with that said, I have a feeling there will be a Borat sweep. Personally as a big fan of homoerotic history, 300 was the best movie here.


Best Performance
Gerard Butler, 300
Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Keira Knightley, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
Beyoncé Knowles, Dreamgirls
Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness

Who Will Win: Will Smith
Who I Voted For: Gerard Butler

You can trace the point when the Movie Awards started to suck to when they started nominated the same actors that the academy awards did and here you have four actors nominated for the characters they have played. What ever happened to Most Desirable Female? But anyways. Even though he was great in the first, Depp seemed to be mailing it in with the second, so I go with Butler. But I got to wonder what was his gayer role, 300 or Phantom of the Opera.


Breakthrough Performance
Emily Blunt, The Devil Wears Prada
Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine
Lena Headey, 300
Columbus Short, Stomp the Yard
Jaden Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness
Justin Timberlake, Alpha Dog

Who Will Win: Abigail Breslin
Who I Voted For: Columbus Short

Justin Timberlake’s inclusion here begs the question how can you actually have a breakout performance in a movie no one saw? Not that it matter, Breslin will runaway with it because all the future stars of To Catch a Predator most likely liked her stripper routine a little to me. Since I’m against the exploitation of eight year olds, I went with Short not for Stop the Yard per say, but I loved his performance on Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.


Best Comedic Performance
Emily Blunt, The Devil Wears Prada
Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
Will Ferrell, Blades of Glory
Adam Sandler, Click
Ben Stiller, Night at the Museum

Who Will Win: Sacha Baron Cohen
Who I Voted For: Adam Sandler

Well Click was the only movie on this list that I actually saw so that is the easy choice. For further reasons why I would vote for Sandler, take a look at the name of this blog.


Best Kiss
Cameron Diaz & Jude Law, The Holiday
Will Ferrell & Sacha Baron Cohen, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Columbus Short & Meagan Good, Stomp The Yard
Mark Wahlberg & Elizabeth Banks, Invincible
Marlon Wayans & Brittany Daniel, Little Man

Who Will Win: Will Ferrell & Sacha Baron Cohen
Who I Voted For: Columbus Short & Meagan Good

Yawn, it is really time to retire the Best Kiss.


Best Villain
Tobin Bell, Saw III
Jack Nicholson, The Departed
Bill Nighy, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Rodrigo Santoro, 300
Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada

Who Will Win: Tobin Bell
Who I Voted For: Bill Nighy

If I’m not mistake, Bell won last year and that will most likely continue not just this year but next. Hopefully there may be some Saw fatigue so Nighy wins as he was the lone bright spot in an otherwise bland movie. Although if he does end up winning, the award should also go to the CGI people that created his tentacle beard.


Best Fight
Jack Black & Héctor Jiménez vs. Los Duendes (Wrestling Match), Nacho Libre
Gerard Butler vs. The Uber Immortal (The Spartan/Persian Battle), 300
Sacha Baron Cohen vs. Ken Davitian (Naked Wrestle Fight), Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
Will Ferrell vs. Jon Heder (Ice Rink Fight), Blades of Glory
Uma Thurman vs. Anna Faris (Super Girl Fight), My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Who Will Win: Sacha Baron Cohen vs. Ken Davitian
Who I Voted For: Gerard Butler vs. The Uber Immortal

Who would have though that Best Fight would be the gayest category ever? They might as while send these montages to the Secretary of Defense in hopes of overturning their Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy.


Best Summer Movie You Haven't Seen Yet
Evan Almighty (June 22)
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (June 15)
Hairspray (July 20)
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (July 13)
Rush Hour 3 (August 10)
Transformers (July 4)

Who Will Win: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Who I Voted For: Transformers

Yeah, this was pretty worthless. And where’s I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry?