Got Me Feeling Like Brody in Homeland

After their Watch the Throne album, both Kanye West and Jay-Z took unconventional routes to roll out their next solo albums. In lieu of a proper music video, West projected trailers on the side of building across the country guerilla style. Jay-Z on the other hand went the corporate route announcing his album in a four minute commercial during the NBC Finals, and just days before the release of Yeezus, of another religious inspired titled Magna Carta... Holy Grai, sponsored by a Smartphone who would give away a million downloads via an app. And instead of a single or music video, Jay-Z just released the lyrics sheet for multiple tracks which saw Jay bite not one, but two much beloved 1991 alt-rock tracks Smells Like Teen Spirit and Losing My Religion.

The anticipation was immediate because of that ad which featured Jay hanging out with producers Rick Rubin, Pharrell, Timbaland, and Swizz Beats who helmed some of Jay’s best tracks. In a later interview, Rubin admitted he had no involvement in the new album, Jay just brought him in for the documentary. As it turns out pretty much the whole album was produced by Timbaland with his hands on seventy percent of the album while Pharrell and contributed on two songs and Swizz only popped up once. So all that anticipation went out the door before the album dropped unless you had the app and would be getting an A-List album for free or if you wanted to hear just how Jay ruined the Nirvana and R.E.M. songs.

You will not have to wait to hear just how Jay-Z desecrated Smells Like Teen Spirit because it shows up on the title track that opens up the album. And just when you think it could not get worse, the “I am stupid and contagious” chorus is also sung by Justin Timberlake. Even had I had the free app, I would have deleted this track on principal alone. Heaven featuring lyrics from Losing My Religion is not much better. The track also sounds like it loops two notes from Stairway to Heaven (though not officially sampled) and it is hard not to cringe when Jay starts singing, “That’s me in the corner” off-key. It was cute when he did that to “And I wish I never met her at all” but not on a song like this.

It is apropos that Jay-Z gave away a million copies of the album because Magna Carta… Holy Grail just sounds like a mixtape which is not worth actually paying for. Half the songs sound they were created by Jay asking for song ideas in the studio, and people started shouting out random ideas: like “hey Hov, try Tom Ford… Picasso… Oceans (hey why don’t we get Frank Ocean on that track too?).” And some of the lyrics are just as puzzling like when Jay says he is “feeling like Brody in Homeland.” Huh? Is he being a traitor? Does he have crazy sex with law enforcement agents? Is he a Manchurian Candidate for a smartphone company? Does this mean Jay-Z cannot pleasure himself while in the presence of his naked wife? Did his daughter already drive over some homeless man? And why is he giving such a long shout out to Miley Cyrus? He spent more time on her than she did in Party in the U.S.A. (and then revealed she does not have a favorite song by him and does not even listen to Jay-Z). Then there is the Mommie Dearest sample in Jay-Z Blue: Blades of Glory it is not. Magna Carta… Holy Grail is just weird. But not even interesting, pushing boundaries weird, but what were you thinking weird. So congratulations to everyone who snagged the free app, because this mixtape is not worth actually putting money down for. Now if you excuse me I have a sudden urge to go buy a smartphone. Maybe an Blackberry.

Song to Download – BBC

Magna Carta… Holy Grail gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.