We on Award Tour: 2010 Grammy Awards

Even though music dying, that isn’t going to stop them from be self congratulatory. And even though the awards themselves are worthless (Hilary Clinton has more than The Beach Boys; Neil Young won his first ever this year… for album packaging), there are still plenty of great performances, here are my thoughts on last night’s festivities.

- Remember when opening the Grammy’s was a big thing. Prince being join Beyoncé, Madonna being backed by the Gorillaz performing in 3-D for the first time, the reunited Police, U2 even got things started last year. This year we get the most overrated thing in music possibly ever. Well at least Lady Gaga only covered herslf in soot instead of fake menstrual blood for this performance. So there’s that.

- In lieu of an actual host yet again, we get Stephen Colbert for a pseudo-monologue trashing the music industry (and they still laugh) all but pointing out how Susan Boyle managed to sell more albums than anyone in the audience (sans Taylor Swift) in less than a month then they did all year). But his bit with his daughter was the highlight, if only the cameraman was a little quicker with the reaction shot.

- Just a reminder, Song of the Year is a songwriting award. Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) won a songwriting award. Whoa-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh Oh- oh-oh-oh.

- Who invited Jennifer Lopez? Was it just to memorialize the ten year anniversary since she wore “The Dress”? (If so, where was the twentieth anniversary memorial to Milli Vanilli winning Best New Artist?) It’s been eight years since she put out a song anyone cared about or a movie anyone wanted to see.

- And even odder, she introduces Green Day and the cast of American Idiot which didn’t really work. Had there been distractingly bad lip-syncing, it could have been something out of Glee.

- And cheesiest idea award goes to Lincoln who wants you to vote on which artist will perform in their next commercial.

- You know you are in for a great performance when before a note is played and you go “Oh snap.” That was my first thought when I saw Beyoncé standing in front of her futuristic SWAT team. Granted my second thought was “If they start doing the Single Ladies dance, I’m throwing my remote at the television.” Luckily the SDTV was saved as we get a interesting medley of If I Were a Boy and You Oughta Know. Although I could have done without the crotch grab.

- Interestingly Best Comedy Album gets a primetime spot. I cannot remember that happening before. And finally daughter Colbert finds her dad cool.

- Kings of Leon wins Best Record. Wow, for the first I think ever, I agree with the winner of this category.

- Most actors show up with the Grammy to shamelessly shill their latest movie or their CBS show, but Robert Downey Jr. is just there to call himself, “The Most Self Important Actor of His Generation.”

- Sure Blame It is one of the worst songs in recent memory, but it is hard not to like that performance. They just kept pulling out random people like Doug E. Fresh and Slash who for whatever reason starts shredding the solo from November Rain. Love it.

- Maybe not a good sign for the Dave Matthews Band for Album of the Year when they couldn’t even win the genre specific award. Which begs the question, how does Lady Gaga and Black Eyed Peas get nominated for the big award over Green Day and U2?

- Why tease that Taylor Swift is going perform with one her idols only to show video of her singing with Stevie Nicks. Huruph. The Rhiannon performance was decent enough, but hearing Nicks singing the kiddie lyrics of You Belong with Me was almost as disturbing as Def Leppard singing Swift's tenth grade poetry.

- Please stop with the 3-D television events until you perfect the art because the Michael Jackson performance was less 3-D and more just a redder version of the performance. At least it was just a couple minutes unlike the hour long Chuck episode that gave me a headache. And Earth Song may be one of Jackson’s most underrated songs along with Will You Be There. And are Jackson’s kids really that old? The boy looked like he is already in Middle School and the girl is starting to look like Amanda Bynes.

- No Kanye West to accept the Rap-Sung Collaboration. Maybe he was banned (nor was invited to perform on the Drake track). Sure he is a douche, but award shows are a little less interesting without Kanye’s ego.

- For those who want to download the Haitian relief song by Mary J. Blige and Andrea Bocelli, go to iTunes.com/target (why Target, I have no clue).

- Old dude alert! And we get our yearly lecture on why downloading is bad. Yawn.

- Adam Sandler introducing the Dave Matthews Band: it like that did that just for me. Beyoncé made a valiant effort, but Dave and the boys, had the best performance of the night.

- Quentin Tarantino may be able to make some entertaining movies but his painfully uncool and his introduction was really cringeworthy.

- Note to Grammy producers, stop inviting artists to perform songs with copious amount of profanity. No one is enjoying these performances where the censors fall asleep on their mute button for most of the song. And did Lil Wayne pull out his Lil Wayne because my screen went yellow for about thirty seconds during the performance.

- One has to wonder if Taylor Swift wins this award for Album of the Year if Kanye West doesn’t turn her into America’s Sweetheart. I thought it was going to come down to Beyoncé edging out Dave Matthews Band with Swift just as a darkhouse (and Lady Gaga and the Black Eyed Peas with zero chance).

- Here is my favorite performance of the night: