First Impressions: Bionic Woman

My sources tell me that long before the Bionic Woman debuted tonight that there was another version of the television show that was on the air decades ago. But since I have a hard time believing anything interesting or important happened before my birth, I have tended not to listen to these sources which is good thing because then I can go into watching this show with any predisposed thoughts on the show.

For those also born sometime after the original, the plot is devised a of a woman who after a life threatening accident is kept alive by replacing some vital, and not so vital organs with machine parts including an eye, and ear, an arm, and both legs. This is all thanks to her boyfriend who works for some secret government agency that may or may not be in charge with creating cyborg type soldiers. And of course instead of testing the procedures on mortally wounded soldiers, they instead perform clinical trials on two random chicks. Yeah, okay.

There are major flaws with the first episode the lesser being for a science fiction series there are way too many long stretches of boredom and sci-fi shows should never be boring. C’mon, they exist out of the realm of possibility, if you notice a lull in the script; just start shooting flames out of their eyes. The problem with this is the show looks like it wants you to think that show could possibly be happening as we speak so except for some super hearing, strength and speed there really isn’t anything out of the ordinary.

Okay, maybe there are some things out of the ordinary like before a big showdown, the evil doer calls timeout to explain everything is Austin Powerian type fashion with the good guy just standing there, letting her. And so what during the fight the Bionic Woman has her none bionic arm broken but shakes it off like it were a WWF match.

But the biggest flaw is that none of the character we are introduced are all that likeable. The boyfriend, who moonlights as a college professor, comes off as creepy by dating someone old enough to be his student and selfish foe what he has done. All his coworkers are cold and without emotion and pretty much all have the same personality but are just of a different age and sex. The little sister is just your token teenage brat. Worst of all is the Bionic Woman herself considering she has all the trapping of someone we should care about, someone who works hard to take care of her sister after her patents left them only to be part of a horrific accident. Yet with all that I could care less about her and that should never happen even with the most flawed main character.

Verdict: There are some major wrinkles in the show that need to be ironed out but for some reason it could turn around quickly. I am currently putting the show on a week-by-week basis before giving it up for good. Bionic Woman airs Wednesdays at 9:00 on NBC. You can download future episodes on Amazon UnBox (see left). You can also stream episodes after they air over at NBC.com.


One more thing that has nothing to do with the Pilot, but there is something else about this show that is really bugging me. You cannot see a Bionic Woman review these days without the obligatory Isaiah Washington bashing and I just want to say to everyone still piling on him almost a year later, seriously, lay off the guy. Yeah the dude said something stupid, but he didn’t electricity your dog, eat your kids or used the word it in a tirade after getting pulled over for drunk driving. The guy has a family to feed and if you think someone should get fired and not be able to provide for his family for saying something you are just as bad as Washington himself or Don Imus for that matter. Seriously, if everyone got fired for saying something stupid the unemployment rate in this country would be as high as Iraq’s.

I hate to go all third grade teacher on you but sticks and stones may break your bones but words should never hurt you. I get called the name in question on a monthly basis (back in college it was up to a weekly basis) but instead of whine to their superiors to get that person fired I just insult them right back with something like, “Wow, you just used the go to insult that every fifth grader uses. Congratulations, you are as smart as a fifth grader.” (I have yet to have an opportunity to break out my latest insult in my arsenal in these situations, “If you hate gay homosexuals so much why don’t you just move to Iran?” Feel free to try it out and tell me how it goes over if you can use before I can.) And then the person always goes away mad because they know I’m right, because only juveniles and the unintelligent use those types of words.