Kids Don't Do Drugs Mmm-Kay

I think I may need an intervention. Granted I’ve never done drugs before, let me rephrase that, much like Big Head Barry, I’ve never knowingly done drugs. You see, back in college there three dorm mates of mine that continually talked about the time we all got high even though I didn’t remember the episode. I never knew marijuana could cause blackouts, but anyway.

Well it seems I fell off the wagon I never knew I was on. Let me start by saying I don’t watch commercials. When watching a show and a commercial comes on, I put on the picture and picture and browse the music channels, MTV2, FUSE, The Tube, while waiting for the episode to resume. Then a couple days ago I flipped onto VH1 Classics to see something that convinced mw that I took something that was making me hallucinate. What did I see? Carrie Underwood hanging out with the reunited Alice In Chains. Let me repeat that for those who thought they were hallucinating that last sentence. On my television, Carrie Underwood, reigning American Karaoker was hanging out with Grunge Gods Alice in Chains. Oh and adding to my dementia, also in the room was Duff McKagan of Guns N' Roses and Velvet Revolver, Dave Navarro of Jane's Addiction, and Phil Anselmo of Pantera. Yes, Phil (Expletive Deleted) Anselmo hanging out with Carrie Underwood.

Since I could believe what I was seeing, I taped the rest of the show and it turned out it this was part of a concert series put on by the network called Decades Rock Live (check out the link for clips) where they team up golden oldies acts with contemporary hit makes. And no, for those wondering at home, Carrie didn’t fill in for the late Laine Staley on Would? or Man in the Box. This particular show was in honor of Heart and Carrie’s only appearance was to duet with the band on Alone, which, my sources tell me, she did on that little karaoke show she did last year then hung back stage for an interview with all of the participants where she was seated just feet away from Phil Anselmo. As much as I loved Pantera in my formative years, he creeps me out just watching him on television and I can’t image how scared Carrie had to be.

As strange as a pairing as Underwood and Alice in Chains, the band hanging out with Heart shouldn’t come as much as a shock as both bands hail from Seattle. And if you are like me and mostly remember Heart from the 80’s, All I Want to Do Is Make Love to You phase, you need to remember that they could hold their own during the arena rock of the 70’s and Barracuda is one of the all time great rock songs. But still it was disturbing see in Ann Wilson (or is it Nancy? which one’s the, um, bigger one? Isn’t their a Carnie sister?) help out on vocal for Rooster with some dude named William Duvall who actually did a decent Staley impression. But the highlight is when Anselmo took over Staley’s vocals on Would?, which I consider the greatest song of the grunge era and it was as great as you can image and probably better. Hopefully this becomes a permanent thing and that Alice in Chains doesn’t pull a INXS and finds a karaoker to front their band (no offence to Carrie Underwood). Unfortunately Anselmo also took on Them Bones that didn't make onto the broadcast which had to be crazy.

While searching for information on this concert, I came up with some disturbing info, especially considering McKagan’s involvement, that Underwood routinely covers GnR’s Patience and Sweet Child o’ Mine on tour. I did get a hold of a version of the former and it is disturbing, and by disturbing I mean I can’t stop listening to it even though she totally messes up the ending and uses a violin where whistling should go. I once wanted to meet Carrie Underwood solely to have dirty, dirty sex with her, but after this revelations, I totally want to harass her about seeing the first performance of Alice and Chains… and to properly show her how to perform Patience.