Ten Ways to Fix The Voice

After doing almost everything right last season, almost everything went wrong this season. After a very strong Sweet Sixteen, the finalists tonight somehow managed to be significantly weaker than last season which was not that exciting itself. They are so weak, I will not even tune into tonight (I have to see the climatic conclusion of the first season finale of 2 Broke Girls instead) even just to see how weird the Jermaine / Blake duet is (or awesomely bad Juliet and Cee-Lo are). Chris Mann inexplicably advanced even though his iTunes sales are laughably bad ranking near the bottom of all contestants every week and never once this season outsold Lindsey Pavao, the person he beat last week. Here are all the people who charted higher than Chris Mann this season:

Juliet Simms
Lindsey Pavao (the person that Chris beat had four different songs chart higher than Chris’s best)
Jamar Rogers
Katrina Parker
Tony Lucca
Jermaine Paul
RaeLynn (yes even RaeLynn, who was booted in the quarterfinals charted two songs higher than Chris)
Not to mention all four finalist last season, Dia Frampton, Javier Colon, Vicci Martinez, and Beverly McClellan as well as Xenia and Casey Weston who did not make it to the finals

By Friday Chris was completely off the iTunes Top 200 Chart while Lindsey was still in the Top 100. Christina Aguilera somehow went into the Live Rounds with the strongest team but managed to find a worse finalist than Beverly last season. The Voice should be embarrassed to have him in the finals especially at the expense of the highest iTunes seller this season. Tony Lucca lost all his credibility after his Britney Spears cover, a mediocre one at that, and managed to lose the popular vote to someone who had never previous had been saved by America (sorry Katrina, you picked the wrong coach, except he was the only one to turn around for you so nevermind). I liked Jermaine, but he is only there because he was on a team with no standouts (he could have gone home the first Live Round if he were on Christina’s Team). Juliet is the most credible of the finalist but I do not care for her screaming singing style and her non-scream voice is very weak and I would have preferred Jamar in the slot. Looking at these finalists it is clear The Voice needs to do some more tinkering, which went from the most watched show on television this season to pulling in less viewers than last season, or it may be in danger of even being out-rated by X-Factor next fall or even the new Duets show launching later this month.

1. Change the Voting System: If The Voice changes one thing for next season, this is the one. The show should be embarrassed by Chris Mann’s inclusion in the finals being the second worst seller of any team on iTunes last week but somehow still make it into the finals. He was even outsold by all of his teammates in the quarterfinals and still managed to get the America’s Save that week. Let’s face it, anything that let’s internet voting is completely flawed because nothing can stop losers with too much time on their hands to create phony e-mail accounts to spam the voting process (and not only do these people brag about doing so them encourage other people to do so). People doing this it really hurts the show because people are tuning out when the most popular are booted out by fans of singers like Chris who think their vote is more important than everyone else. This phenomenon can help explain how the show went from the most watch show at the beginning of the season to having lower ratings than last season which did not have the help of being launched by the Super Bowl. And Chris Mann is not the only person that has benefited, in the first Live Round Charlotte Sometimes was just a few spots behind RaeLynn as the best seller on Team Blake, but when America’s Saves were announced, RaeLynn was joined by Jermaine and Erin Willett, the two worst sellers on the team that barely cracked the iTunes Top 200 chart that week.

The solution is pretty simple: give more weight to the iTunes chart. Sure, as conceived you can vote ten times on iTunes, but who besides maybe family members are buying a song ten times? And if the goal of the music business is to get people to buy your music, then this should be taken into account in the shows voting system. And they way votes should be tabulated so the music buyers have enough say as the fanatics who stuff the ballots by creating phony e-mail accounts is split the final vote four ways: %25 comes from iTunes downloads, %25 from phone votes, %25 from internet voting, and %25 from texting. Or if you want to give more control to the coaches, split it five ways with every way getting 20%. Could anyone be against this idea (aside from those internet spammers who think their vote is more important than everyone else)?

2. Shorten the Battle Rounds: I was all for the extended Blind Auditions, but eight hours of the Battle Rounds were painful to sit through and looking at the ratings I am not the only one who thought this as the show lost almost three million viewers between the last Blind Audition to the last Battle Round. Instead of four episodes of six battle each at least do eight battles across three episodes (they did do four per hour last year) or preferably go even more dramatic and cut it down to two episodes and blow by all of the mediocre battles (which there are plenty of) via montage. Also go back to just one adviser per team, it is unfair that someone gets to work with Lionel Richie while the other one gets Jewel, and also put them back on stage during the battle (as awkward as it looked during the first season) so the coaches could have someone in their ear before making a bad decision. I’m sure if he was there, Babyface would have been like, “no Cee-Lo, Erin Martin over Wayne’s World is a really bad idea. Think twice.” You can take the extra episodes and give them to the Blind Audition and actually show everyone (or at least everyone that gets a coach to turn around) and/or…

3. Expand the Live Rounds: I do appreciate how the show trims the fat quick and fast unlike other painfully slow shows that eliminate them one by one, but how about adding one more extra round and have teams go from 6 to 4 to 3 to 2 to the finalist.

4. Let Coach’s Poach other Team’s Castoffs: A lot of good talent went home sooner than they should have in the Live Shows, but we also lost a bunch of great talent during the Battle Round due to bad decisions (The Shields Brothers!), being at a disadvantage due to the song choice (Whitney Myer), or the coach put two strong competitors against each other (Jamie Lono, who had the second best selling song from the Blind Auditions vs. Jamar). So after all of the Battle Rounds, bring all the eliminated contestants back on stage and let each coach pick one contestant each (but coaches should not be allowed to pick someone they eliminated)

5. Bring in a Real Rock Judge: Blake Shelton is the country guy, Christina is the pop girl, Cee Lo Green is the RnB guy, and I assume Adam is supposed to be the rock guy except he is more of an RnB-pop hybrid than an actual rock singer, and the show already has those two genres covered. And without a real rocker on the panel some good rock singers were passed over in the Blind Auditions (what the heck happened to Ducky) and the one rock act to get someone to turn around, The Shield Brothers unceremoniously lost to the worst singer in the whole competition. The problem with having a real rock coach is there are not that many currently out there to choose from that are credible. There is Dave Grohl, Jack White or one of The Black Keys (or have both share a chair; actually, that would be awesome; make that happen Mark Burnett, both members of The Black Keys in the same chair) and that’s it. Maybe John Mayer but he is a much better guitarist than vocalist or maybe Kid Rock mostly for entertainment value (and you think Cee-Lo picks are weird, wait for Coach Rock). But if the best you can do for a rock judge is the dude from Nickelback, just don’t.

6. Ban Adele: No one is going to out-Adele Adele so spot letting these people think that they can just hurts the singer that tries. Naia Kete sang Turning Tables and was promptly eliminated. Kim Yarbrough sang Rolling in the Deep and was promptly eliminated. Erin sang Set Fire to the Rain and had to be saved by Blake and still almost lost to RaeLynn who bombed her Last Chance Performance.

7. Ban Anyone in the Audience Who Screams I Love You: It may seem like a cool thing when you are sitting in the crowd, but everyone sitting at home finds it annoying.

8. Get Carson to Stop the Coaches When they Ramble (or Find Someone Who Will): The pacing of the Results Shows were horrible this year and you have to blame Carson, or whoever is in his ear. There was an episode where Christina was rambling on and on leaving Blake literally a minute to make a decision which he did just in time for the show to fade to black. There was even the weird moment where Cee-Lo talked about his head told him Tony Vincent and his heart said Cheesa and then took a dramatic pause before what I assumed was to tell us if he was going with his head or his heart and Carson butted in and said Cheesa was the winner.

9. Get Rid of the Product Placement I Refuse to Acknowledge (unless they pay me) Lounge: Sure Christina Milian is easy on the eyes but the interviews are lame and who cares what @RandomPerson thought of the Gym Class Heroes performance. I understand the Product Placement I Refuse to Acknowledge pays you a lot of money to plaster their name on the show, but there has to be a better place to put it. How about the all the practices happen at the Product Placement I Refuse to Acknowledge Rehearsal Space?

10. Stop it with the Sob Stories: Yes I get it that America love a good recovery story but why does every contestant or their parent have to have or had some horrible disease that is brought up every time they are on screen?

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 5/6/12

Once Upon a Time: Thankfully they actually revealed that August was Pinocchio early in the episode and did not wait until the end of it (or next season; these are the writers of Lost) considering anyone who watch the promo could put two and two together. And it looks like I was right that the writer of the book was a stowaway in the magic wardrobe with Emma. But August has no one to blame but himself for his predicament, seriously dude, if a fairy who gave you life tells you not to lie to continue being a real boy: don’t lie. Instead as soon as his leg turns to wood, he actually doubles down on the lying.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Mad Men: I may be just as traumatized as Sally after watching this episode.
You can download Mad Men on iTunes.

The Voice: I was one of the few people that defended Christina Aguilera this season saying she had a plan and was sticking to it even if she was going to be heavily criticized for it. I thought she was going to do whatever was necessary to get Lindsey Pavao to the finals even if that meant eliminating her other frontrunner and trashing singers on other teams that did not deserve the votes they were getting. But after this week it is clear she had no plan and just had personal grudges against Jesse Campbell, Tony Lucca, Adam Levine, and probably more. Seriously, how does she go out of her way to implore that Adam give Katrina Parker extra points and then split her own 50/50? Christina had the weakest finalist last season and even though she went into the Live Rounds this season, she still managed to have the weakest finalist again this season. Who is voting for Chris Mann? The guy is a fifth rate opera singer who had the second worst selling song on iTunes and yet he somehow beat the person with the second highest selling song (and number one overall this season). That just does not pass the smell test. The Voice really needs to make some changes before it starts to be as unwatchable as American Idol because as strong as the singers were this season, they came up with a pretty lackluster finals.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download songs from this week with the widget at right.

Castle: The show is at its best when it goes absurd (zombies!?!) yet still stays within the realm of reality. But I do not think a forced confession like that is going to hold up in the court of law. Wouldn’t it have been better to hold him longer on drug charges and try to smoke him out that way? I guess it would have not been as much fun.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Survivor: One World: How dare they actually vote out Kat? I am so upset right now, my two favorite reality competitors eliminated on consecutive days. Why do you hate me Reality Gods? At least Kat went out with a bang. I loved after picking two people that did not deserve a reward, she says, "Let me explain" and just when you think she would say something profound or at least reasonable she says, "I just want to get drunk with these girls." Awesome. Then she complains that Kim wins everything right after she won the reward challenge and how mad she was losing to a twenty-eight year old. Then gleefully talk about how great it would be to blindside Sabrina at Tribal Council right before being blindsided. Le sigh. I miss her already. Hopefully she really does annoy Probst until he lets her on the show again. But I have to say to those that did blindsided Kat: coolbeans and touché.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.



Community: The Voice should be even more embarrassed thatChris Mann’s version of Ave Maria was not even the best version of that song on the network this week. Garrett out.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Awake: So the big conspiracy behind the accident has to do with heroin? They really cannot distribute it with Britton still in town? There has to be more to this story.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Awake on iTunes.

Best of the Week - 5/5/12

Quote of the Week: You can’t escape it, Don. Soon your little girl will spread her legs and fly. (Megan’s dad, Mad Men)

Song of the Week: You Oughta Know – Alanis Morrissette (as sung by June, Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23)

Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: A Melancholy Happy Trails to Adam Yauch: I grew up with the Beastie Boys. Quite literally. I was a childish elementary school student when the sophomoric License to Ill came out. I was going through my alternative phase as they got weird on Check Your Head. I was heading out to the club when the released their most danceable Hello, Nasty. And I was getting political when they released their pro-New York, anti-Bush To the the 5 Boroughs. Where most groups have a standout performer, no one have a favorite Beastie Boy, they were all equally great and at their best when they were trading lines. I can count the number of artist whose whole catalogue I own on one hand and the Beastie Boys were one of them. MCA’s diagnosis of cancer pushed back the release of Hot Sauce Committee, part 1 in 2009 which did not get released until a year later (renamed part 2) but his illness kept him from promoting the album and recently had to miss his induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame last month (which will be premiering on HBO tonight).

Free Download of the Week: China Girl – David Bowie (Google Play)

Deal of the Week: 100 Album for $5 on Amazon MP3: This month’s $5 albums include Norah Jones, Amos Lee, Dawes, and Rosie Thomas.



New Album Release of the Week: Strangeland - Keane

New DVD Release of the Week: Chuck: The Complete Fifth Season

Video of the Week: I have been worshiping at the altar of Apatow for about a decade now, but something is just not working with the first trailer to his four movie that he wrote and directed This Is Forty, a sequel of sorts to Knocked Up (which was probably done so he didn’t have to work with Katharine Heigl again which is understandable). At one point Leslie Mann tells Paul Rudd his eyes are glazing over an that is actually what he looks like throughout the whole trailer when he is fully clothed. And the only part I actually laughed was the “No technology” line. Hopefully this is just a case of a bad trailer and movie ends up being much better.



Next Week Pick of the Week: 2 Broke Girls, Monday at 8:00 on CBS: Sure the show ranks number one on my list of the most disappointing show of the season but Kat Dennings still carries the show fairly well even if all the other characters are one dimensional and the second lead has an annoying voice. But Caroline is less annoying than The Voices of other people that will be airing during the same timeslot on Monday.

Around the Tubes - 5/4/12

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, United Stats of America, Swamp People, Conan, Magic City, The 13 Most Promising Pilots, Saturday Night Live, Sullivan and Son, and Jane by Design.

- When the inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame were announced you could not help be excited: Guns n Roses, Beastie Boys, Red Hot Chili Peppers and more. Unfortunately by the time the ceremony came around Axl Rose released a rambling letter why who was not going to show up while MCA and Rod Stewart could not make it due to illness. But the ceremony airing tomorrow at 9:00 on HBO should still be entertaining especially the final jam of Higher Ground by Red Hot Chili Peppers (who were inducted by Chris Rock), Slash, Jeff Beck, Billy Joe Armstrong, and George Clinton.



- As a history buff and a stat geek, the new History series United Stats of America sounds right up my alley. The show, which premieres this Tuesday at 10:00, is hosted by identical twins and stand-up comedians Randy and Jason Sklar who will reveal stories behind the most interesting and surprising statistics in American history. Check out a clip below:



- For those that watch Swamp People Thursdays at 9:00 o History and have a Twitter account, you could win a 50-inch plasma TV just by using #SwampSayings during the show while tweeting your favorite line from the show. Three weekly winners will also receive Swamp People gear and cash. Head over to history.com for complete details and to enter.

- World Peace is coming Conan this Monday. No not the concept but basketball player Metta World Peace will stop by in his first sit-down interview since his NBA suspension. Joel McHale, Piers Morgan, and Tom Selleck will also be stopping by next week.

- Willa Ford will be appearing on tonight’s episode of Magic City airing at 10:00 on Starz as someone who gets up close and personal with Divin’ Dave Donahue. Check out a still from the episode below.



- TVGuide.com has a list of the 13 Most Promising Pilots of the fall season which include Tami Taylor, her daughter Julie, a man in tights, a female Dr. Watson, and the annoying dude from Glee ripping off Modern Family.

- Get ready for some Moves Like Jagger jokes for the season finale of Saturday Night Live on May 19 will feature Mick Jagger as host and musical guest. Hopefully a successful hosting gig will lead to a Let’s Rob Mick Jagger reboot.

- Last week new TBS comedy Men at Work went into production and this week the network’s other upcoming sitcom Sullivan and Son started filming. Look out for the show when it premieres Thursday, July 19, at 10:00.

- Not only will Teri Hatcher guest on the upcoming season of Jane by Design as Jane’s long lost mother, she will be making her directorial debut for the episode. Look out for it when the show returns Monday June 5 at 9:00 on ABC Family.

You Better Get to Getting on Your Goodbye Shoes

With American Idol and The Voice (and its laughably bad finalists) wind down another season, the start of Duets later this month and all the other singing competitions that have come and gone the past decade, it is easy to remember with all these shows, there have only been two successful winners from any of these show, Kelly Clarkson, who has been making the reality rounds this year on two different show, and Carrie Underwood. Sure Underwood would probably never win a singing competition on the radio, but she has a quality that just draws you in even when you know you should not like her music.

Like most Carrie Underwood albums, after the first listen to Blown Away it is striking as to how boring and bland it is, even more so than her previous albums. Yet by the second listen it has already become mostly catchy. And much like her previous albums, the new one straddles the line between country and adult contemporary which is moving more and more to the latter with every passing album. Just how pop-rock is the new album? There is a song, See You Again that blatantly steals the “ohh ohh ohh” part from Laura Branigan’s eighties classic Self Control. But It is hard not to be disappointed in the one song on the album written by Hair-Metal master “Mutt” Lang Who Are You which attempts to being an uplifting power ballad but fails massively.

Strangely for someone who is not much of a pure country fan, some of the most entertaining tracks are the few most traditionally country sounding ones. One Way Ticket is a fun sitting on your porch with friends and sing along kind of song (which is ironic considering the song is about getting off your butt). While Cupid’s Got a Shotgun is so absurd it starts becoming entertaining. But the best song on the album is the title track where Carrie goes big and succeeds. She really needs to ditch the overtly sappy songs and record more like Blown Away in the future.

And what Carrie Underwood album would be complete without an absurdly sappy song for country radio, so be sure to be prepared to hear Thank God for Hometowns in heavy rotation in the near future for those that still listen to the radio. Wine After Whiskey is no slouch in the so over the top cheesy you have to roll your eyes department.

Song to Download – Blown Away

Blown Away gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

You Tried to Replace Me but You Didn’t Get Far

Nothing perks up my ears these days than “produced by Danger Mouse.” In a decade behind the boards he has moved into rarified air of must hear producers like Rick Rubin. And much like Rubin who go seamlessly between rap, metal and folk, Danger Mouse (government: Brian Burton) has worked from people as wide ranging as cartoon Gorillaz, blues rockers The Black Keys, and his groups with Cee-Lo Green and James Mercer. Then on his spaghetti western soundtrack to a movie that was never made that he made with Daniele Luppi Burton made his most unlike collaboration yet: Norah Jones.

Yes Norah Jones, the jazzy-pop artist that every soccer mom in America played over and over again in their minivans a decade ago when she released Don’t Know Why. But in the ten years since, Norah has gotten more and more adventurous with the tracks she applies her silky vocals to culminating in her previous best album The Fall released back in 2009. Then Danger Mouse recruited her to appear on his Rome which ended up being the three standout tracks on the album. The soccer moms who still have not removed Come Away with Me from their minvans may scratch their heads at the pairing, wondering why Norah Jones is working with the weird dude who was in a group with the even weirder Cee-Lo, but to those of us that continued to follow her career, the pairing is a perfect (or dare I say Perrrfect) match.

With Danger Mouse behind the board, the new Norah Jones album Little Broken Hearts sounds like a continuation of their work together on Rome as they both have a darker, more menacing feel than previous works by Jones. She even kills the title character in Miriam, but does it so smoothly you may not even realize it unless you read the lyrics sheet. Take It Back sound very similar to the Rome song Black when it hits its crescendo at the end with the same style of piano notes. And if I didn’t know better I would have guessed Burton brought in his buddy Dan Auerbach from The Black Keys to play guitar on the trippy blues song All a Dream.

If the title album Little Broken Hearts did not tip you off (or other song titles like Say Goodbye, She’s 22, After the Fall, 4 Broken Hearts, or Travelin’ On) this is her break up album. Thankfully there are no angry kiss off songs like Since U Been Gone as it sounds by the time Jones got around to writing the album she had since moved on to the fifth stage of grief (Reconstruction and working through) and most of the album is her getting all the way up to the seventh and final stage (Acceptance and hope).

As moody and mellow as the album is, it is a bit jarring when she picks up the tempo for Out on the Road nine songs into the album. But that does set things up for the stand out track, the bouncy and snarky Happy Pills (which it what Norah claims she felt as she just took after the break up because she feels so good). The “Out I’m gonna get you, out I’m gonna get you outta of my head, get out” chorus may be the catchiest kiss off since I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair. As Brian Burton ranks up new bands, hopefully Little Broken Hearts is the first of many collaborations with Norah Jones.

Song to Download – Happy Pills

Broken Little Hearts gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Did You Know That Life Has Given Love a Guarantee

Stevie Wonder started out the seventies releasing the great classic Motown style music the teenager was known for up to that point when he released another ultra catchy love song Signed, Sealed, Delivered I’m Your. But as the musical prodigy transitioned into his twenties, his music got a little darker, longer, and much more political with songs like Superstition and Living for the City that still remained as catchy as his earlier work. All this collimated with his last album of the decade and best of his career Songs in the Key of Life, this month’s induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame.

As the title suggests, the album is not simply just about love or politics, it is about life and everything that comes with it. And the complications of life can explain why it took two albums, a bonus EP, twenty-one songs, and an hour and forty-five minutes to get through. There is joy, pain, entertainment, and struggle, from the ghetto to the penthouse, from the cradle to every twenty-six years Stevie had lived upon the release of Songs in the Key of Life on the album. Does it get heavy handed at time as most double albums do? Yes (especially the eight and a half minute Black Man that went on too long before the classroom segment at the end) but it is still hard to say there are any throwaway tracks on the albums.

Like most people my age, who were yet to even been conceived when the album was released, it took me a while to discover the album as I consider Stevie Wonder a singles artists for most of my life. I will not even confirm nor deny that the first time I heard Pastime Paradise my first thought was who is this stealing from Coolio? But I will admit Coolio did help me realize that the ultra poppy Stevie Wonder from the sixties was just one part of an even grander career than I realize at that point in my early life. The haunting original Pastime Paradise was a death march that put other songs in the Wonder songbook that I already knew into a new perspective like Living in the City.

My favorite song on the album, and maybe number two in his catalogue behind Superstition, is the simplistically titled As. The title is a stark contrast of the grandiose love song with its sweeping chorus and beautiful verses. And where a couple songs go on for too long on the album (did we really need to hear Aisha Wonder take a bath), the seven minutes of As go too fast and could have went on for twice as long and I would not have minded. You may have to actually live life to fully appreciate Songs in the Key of Life (or at the very least hit a quarter-century like Stevie did as he was recording it), but once you have, the album should become a cornerstone of your record collection.

The Voice Semifinalists Power Rankings

Last week I complained about the Instant Eliminations, but now that everything has played out I have done a complete 180 because it is clear America cannot be trusted. Sure I can quibble with a couple of the coach’s decisions during the Live Shows, the only egregious decision they made so far was Christina Aguilera unceremoniously giving Jesse Campbell the boot. Yet has got it wrong time after time saving Pip and James Massone (which the coaches had to right with their Instant Eliminations) and did not save Charlotte Sometimes in the last round while head scratchingly saving the fifth rate opera singer and rock music ruiner Chris Mann and embarrassing to watch Tony Lucca while the more talented Ashley De La Rosa and Mathai are sent home. So the coaches made just one completely stupid decision while America made five.

After the Sweet 16 was decided this year I thought it was significantly better than last season. But at the end of the results show Tuesday I thought to myself, “Even though the quarterfinalist were much better than the first season, the semifinalist somehow managed to be worse and the semifinalist last year were not that strong. Thanks soccer moms with too much time on your hands.” To see if my premise was right or not, instead of doing a power ranking of just contestants from this season, I thought I would expand it to the semifinalist from both season to see which season was actually strongest (this season’s contestants are in bold).


1. Dia Frampton

2. Lindsey Pavao

3. Xenia

4. Nakia

5. Jamar Rogers

6. Javier Colon

7. Jermaine Paul

8. Juliet Simms

9. Vicci Martinez

10. Katrina Parker

11. Beverly McClellan

12. Erin Willett

13. Tony Lucca

14. Casey Weston

15. Frenchie Davis

16. Chris Mann


If you would add those up giving 16 points to the best and 1 to the worst, Season One would have a 73-63 edge over season. And all you would have done to have significantly better semifinalist this season would be to have simply swapped Ashley and Mathai (who would have been in the top five above) for Chris and Tony. But if voting patterns hold up tomorrow like they did last round, the finals of Jamar, Jermaine, Tony and Chris would be extremely worse than last year that featured Dia, Javier, Vicki and Beverly. Hopefully Christina, who has been shown more than willing to play the game this seasons and clearly does not like Chris at all, will tilt the favor towards Lindsey if the coach’s allot points again this season to their singers because the final would be much more boring without her. And let’s face it, what possible song in her catalogue could she sing with Chris Mann? I bet Christina has already practicing a Hurt duet with Lindsey.

If you are like me a prefer last season to this, you are in luck because all four finalist from the first season are confirmed to perform on the Results Show tomorrow. Vicci will perform with former coach Cee Lo Green. Dia will be performing with Kid Cudi. Beverly will duet with Cyndi Lauper. And winner Javier gets to go stag.



I’ll probably update this space sometime after the show with who I am voting for and you can use the links above to vote for each of the contestants on iTunes or head over to nbc.com/thevoice. Unless you are a Chris Mann supporter, if that is the case please refrain from voting or go back to ruining American Idol by voting for mediocre singers.

Scooter Update: Two spots are beyond obvious: Lindsey and Jermaine. I would give the slight edge to Jamar and Katrina. That is what should happen, but I predict what will happen is Tony and Jermaine are solid locks. Even if America continues to have poor taste and vote for the fifth rate opera singer, Christina will wisely push Lindsey through to the finals. And Cee-Lo is a big toss up and if forced to predict, Jamar squeaks through by one percent.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 4/29/12

Once Upon a Time: Being from “writers of Lost,” very early in the episode it became blatantly obvious to me that the mysterious writer was Rumplestiltkin’s son (I cannot believe I did not think of this before even though during the Beauty and the Beast episode I wondered whatever happened to his son) and though it was blatantly obvious I assumed that it was Lost writers at the helm we would have to wait two seasons for the reveal. But low and behold they actually gave it to us by the end of the episode. Except it turned out not to be his son.

Which begs the question which storybook character is the mysterious writer. Oh wait, the promo monkeys pretty much spoiled that, oh never mind. And for a spell the Blue Fairy said cannot be replicated, there seemed to be a couple of storybook characters that made it to the real world without the curse like Emma and her magic wardrobe and mysterious writer (and possibly whoever the writer was talking to about speeding up the plan; actually I would not be surprised if we get an entire season of flashbacks of storybook characters in the real world if the show lasts that long).
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Mad Men: Kind of a cheap Lost-type storytelling for the episode. But all is forgiven with the Roger Sterling on LSD scene (but not for Peggy’s extracurricular activities in the movie theater).
You can download Mad Men on iTunes.


The Voice: I defended Tony Lucca two weeks ago against Christina Aguilera’s harsh comments and what does Tony do in his very next performance: give a very one dimensional performance. When The Voice started, the producers and coaches were all altruistic talking about not having any joke performances, but Tony’s performance was such a joke it rivals that of Erin Martin. It was such big of a joke; his backing band might as well have been William Hung and his Hung Jury. But I guess it could have been worse, when I realized they had not announced what song he was singing, I thought, “Oh my God, he’s actually going to sing Genie in a Bottle.”

But after every elimination and Save last week seeming to be controversial (though Jordis Unga seemed the right choice for Blake to send home), a pretty uneventful time for eliminations this week with James Massone and Pip rightfully getting the Instant Eliminations (though the teen girl voting bloc may disagree). I could quibble that Mathai was more entertaining than Katrina Parker, but it is hard to argue against her and Juliet Simms got through (though I could argue that much like Chris Mann last week, the two girls were much more deserving of the public’s vote but unlike Chris it was pretty obvious Tony was getting through). Really the most shocking event that happened this week was that Pip performed sans bowtie before James ditched his headband. Certainly did not see that coming.



You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can download songs from this episode using the widget at right.

Survivor: One World: I always love the pecking order challenges because it shows everyone where they stand in the tribe. Unfortunately only a few people on the bottom of the totem pole have taken advantage of the situation and it looks like it will not happen again this season unless Kat can hatch a master plan instead of just complaining about it. And Kat managed to be the dumbest person this week. Seriously, how does Alicia, a Special Education teacher not know how IQ work?
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.



Revenge: As someone who is meticulous and calculating as Emily is, how could she think her father’s murder was just a random jailhouse fight? Of course the Grayson’s were behind the killing. It should have at least clicked when she saw how Vicki could get to her son on the inside.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Big Bang Theory: The show needs more Roasts in the future.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download The Big Bang Theory on iTunes.

Community: Sometimes the show tries so hard in being spot on with their parodies and being clever they forget to actually be funny. This week was one of those times.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Awake: Of course Pierre Chang had a broken arm. But anyway. I wondered the deeper they got into the move what could the possible reason they would have to end up staying (you knew they were never going to go to Oregon) and having a grandkid is a very worthy excuse.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Awake on iTunes.

Best of the Week - 4/28/12

Quote of the Week: Is January Jones a robot? (Chloe, Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23)

Song of the Week: I Just Wasn't Made For These Times – The Beach Boys (Mad Men)

Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: NFL Draft: For us Browns fan, the NFL Draft is our Super Bowl because we really do not have much else to look forward to and after this draft, it may still be the case that we do not have much to look forward next season. I did not really like moving up one spot to get Trent Richardson. I did not think he was worth the extra picks because I think the Vikings were just throwing up a smoke screen to get extra picks. And even if they did, the Browns have so many holes, Matt Kalil or Justin Blackman would have been worth picks at number four.

But even worse with all those hole was taking a quarterback with third round talent in the first round when the reason the current QB looked so bad was because his starting RB for most of the season was on someone else’s practice squad, their best WR was a 3 at best for any other team and the group led the league in drops, the TE had concussion problems, and half of the offensive line was essentially a revolving door. Brandon Weeden may be more talented than Colt McCoy; he will not have much more success with just an upgrade at RB and no round one talent to throw to or block for him. Ugg, what a horrible start to 2012. Wake me up in time for the 2013 draft when we have to take Matt Barkley with the number one overall pick..

Preview Picture of the Week:




Free Download of the Week: Lost Without You – Rhett Miller (Rolling Stone)

New Album Release of the Week: Little Broken Hearts - Norah Jones

New DVD Release of the Week: Clueless [Blu-ray]

Video of the Week: The new ABC Family sitcom Baby Daddy launches Wednesday, June 20 at 8:30 and they have just released its first promo. Check it out below:

Baby Daddy Promo


Next Week Pick of the Week: Suburgatory, Wednesday at 8:30 on ABC: Forget all the pretentious people who try to tell you Parks and Recreation is the funniest show on network television (aren’t these the same people that told you it was an unfunny version of The Office when it came on; why did they bother to continue watching), Suburgatory has the most laughs per minute you can find on free television. Bonus points for having Alicia Silverstone for the reminder of the season as Geoge’s girlfriend and Noah’s baby mama (can you still be a baby mama through surrogacy). Also Dalia Royce remains the most frightening thing on television, dead, alive, or undead.

Around the Tubes - 4/17/12

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Veep, James Cameron: Voyage to the Bottom of the Earth, The Lying Game, Major Crimes, Men at Work, Murfie, Conan, Being Mary Jane, Genesis Awards, and Dave Matthews.

- For those that watched the series premiere of Veep and were left wanting more, here is a deleted scene from the episode. And be sure to check out the latest episode this Sunday at 10:00 on HBO.



- Did you not get enough James Cameron with the recent 100th anniversary of the Titanic? Well you are in luck because this Sunday Nation Geographic Channel will air James Cameron: Voyage to the Bottom of the Earth premiering airing at 9:00. The special will chronicle his historic one-man dive last month to the Mariana Trench’s Challenger Deep, the Ocean’s deepest point.

- Fans of The Lying Game will be happy to learn that you will get to see where Sutton and her mom are going to go with their master plan that was revealed in the finale because ABC Family announced that they have greenlit a second season that will start filming this summer and will hit your television screens this winter.

- Also going into production is the first season of Major Crimes which started filming this week. Look for The Closer spin-off in August.

- One more show going into production this week was Men at Work, the new TBS sitcom and Stacy Keibler, J.K. Simmons, and Kathy Najimy have all signed up as guest stars. The show premieres May 24.

- Want “Music 4 Life”? Murfie.com is doing just that (or one free album perv week for the rest of your life). Just “Like” Murfie on Facebook and sign up for a free account to enter. If you share the sweepstakes on Facebook you can get three more entries.

- Heads up Chicago, Conan O’Brien will be in town for the TBS Just for Laughs Chicago Comedy Festival June 11-14 where he will be filming Conan. Head over to teamcoco.com to enter an online lottery for seats to one of the four shows.

- Remember a couple weeks ago when I told you about Gabrielle Union being cast in an upcoming BET show Being Mary Jane and you thought to yourself, “yeah she’s attractive but why should I watch?” Well here is a reason to watch: John Fracking Shaft. Yes Richard Roundtree has joined the cast along with Omari Hardwick (For Colored Girls,The A-Team), Tika Sumpter(Gossip Girl, One Life To Live, The Game), BJ Britt (Vampire Diaries), Lisa Vidal (Star Trek).

- The Oscars for Animals is coming to Animal Planet May 5 at 4:00 when their air The Humane Society of the United States 26th Genesis Awards. If you miss it there will be an encore presentation May 6 at 8:00 and will be hosted by Carrie Ann Inaba and Uggie from The Artist.

- And just because, Dave Matthews premiering a new song Mercy on The Late Show:

Who’s Jealous of Who?

In the past decade, Jack White has played in three very distinctively different bands. First there was the blues based garage band The White Stripes with a very strict rule of only recording songs the two could play live (meaning rarely more than two instruments per song) and were so strict they even kept their clothing limited to red, black, and white. Then came The Raconteurs a power-pop rock band. The last band he formed was the creepy alternative rock group The Dead Weather with Jack on drums. Then last year White announced he was not going to form any more bands, oh yeah, and he announced his first big band The White Stripes was essentially dead.

So what is next for the guy who recorded ten albums with three bands over the span of twelve years who does not want to start anymore bands? A solo album naturally. And with three distinctly sounding bands what exactly does a Jack White solo album sound like? Well it sound a lot like what The White Stripes may have sounded like had they not put restrictions on their recording and brought more musicians and singers into the studio with them.

Blunderbuss is right out of the blues rock playbook but right away in the opening track Missing Pieces you hear organs that would have never fit into a White Stripes album. Those missing his breakout band will want to go straight to Sixteen Saltines, a riff heavy song reminiscent of some of the former band’s most famous.

But further into the album, the less and less it starts sounding like a White Stripes album and other Jack White influences. He goes down to the delta and recruits a sultry R&B singer to duet with on Love Interruption. And all the time he has spent in Nashville shows through with a few fiddles and mandolins while the Little Willie Brown cover I’m Shakin’ sounds like it could have been recorded in Sun Studios. here is a heavy classical piano into on Hypocritical Kiss which is a bit jarring coming from the guy. There is actually a lot of piano in the second half of the album. Then the album ends with White’s weirdest musical trip yet Take Me With You When You Go, which starts out as swinging sixties song that kicks into a frantic high gear in the second half.

Even though it is more diverse, Blunderbuss is similar to a White Stripes album in that although the songs are really good, they start to wear on you if you listen to the album straight through and Blunderbuss is much better heard on shuffle in the middle of the rest of your music library.

Song to Download – Sixteen Saltines

Blunderbuss gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Previewing Locked Up Abroad 6.x

If there is one thing I have learned from watching Locked Up Abroad, do not, under any circumstance, accept an all expense paid trip to another country because you are being used as a drug mule. For the new season of Locked Up Abroad we learn three new rules for those dumb enough to voluntarily become drug mules: rule number one is never body pack. The second rule is never body pack. Do I even need to tell you what the third rule is? Guess what the guy in the next week’s episode does. If you said body pack his drugs, give yourself a pat on the back.

But for tonight’s season premiere, it is yet another one of the people who thought they were getting a nice vacation for free. Erik Aude was a struggling actor (he was credited as Musclehead in Dude, Where's My Car?) working as a personal trainer when a buddy at his gym had a way of making extra money importing leather that would save the sender some sort of tax had he shipped it regularly. And wouldn’t you know it; the suitcase with the leather samples was lined with opium. Oops.

Sure Locked Up Abroad has done the unwilling drug mule before, and by estimate accounts it makes up fifty percent of the episodes, but this episode is notable for two reason. This is the first time that I am aware of where the subject actually plays himself in the dramatization parts, keep in mind this guy brags to a customs agents that he was also in 7th Heaven and Bounce, which if I am not mistake was a horrible Ben Affleck movie. It is also worth watching because it is the funniest episode ever in the history of Locked Up Abroad because the guy clearly exaggerates his story. Yeah the guy if buff and played a guy named Musclehead once, but I have a hard time believing he went all Jason Statham and single handily took down an entire prison of Pakistanis. But it is entertaining to watch. And why wait until tonight, watch that scene below and tell me if you think it happened the way Erik says it did or he did it just to boost his demo reel.

Locked Up Abroad: From Hollywood to Hell


Also this season on Locked Up Abroad there is the previously mentioned body packer (another reason not to do drugs, the more common way of smuggling drugs involves passing balloons full of it through your digestive system, so think of where that comes out of the next time you contact your dealer) who somehow has a bunch of near misses before finally gets busted. We will also meet a smuggler who gets busted in Argentina who swims across to Brazil to escape.

Locked Up Abroad airs Wednesdays at 10:00 on National Geographic Channel. You can also download Locked Up Abroad on iTunes.