Well Young Man, You're Going to Have a Very Unusual Life

We have all seen this superhero movie: a regular man is bestowed superhero powers and exploits them until (s)he realizes they wield too much power and go into self seclusion before realizing that the world needs them and returns to destroy the big bad. Branded follows this basic premise. And the superpower in this film? Marketing. Seriously. In the movie Ed Stoppard (The Little Vampire) makes Don Draper look like the guy who created New Coke, named the iPad, or thought it was a good idea to have the Washington Bullets change their name to the Wizards.

And who is the arch-nemesis to the marketing genius: fast food. Seriously. These evil corporations have figured out a way to make obesity sexy and something to obtain through evil marketing and it is up to our heroes to counter market a vegetarian fast food chain. Seriously. Playing Lois Lane in this scenario is Leelee Sobieski (Joan of Arc) whose character even cribs a storyline from Superman Returns (maybe not the best superhero movie to steal from.

Or that is what I took away from the movie. Branded is a big jumbled of a movie that wants to express some big ideas (companies are becoming too good at marketing that we no longer realized we are being sold a load of goods) but sometimes gets bogged down in its heavy handedness. It is not until Stoppard returns from his Fortress of Solitude where the movie starts to embrace the absurdity and hammers the message more clearly. By then it may have been too little too late.

In addition to a pair of theatrical trailers, the only special feature included is an audio commentary with writers / directors Jamie Bradshaw and Alexander Doulerain.


Full Disclosure Notice: This Blu-ray was given to me by Lionsgate for review.

Lyrics Quiz: Best Songs of 2003

Every January I like to get into time machine and go back ten year and take a look at my favorite songs from the list I made that year. As always leave your guesses, both artist and song title, in the comment section (or e-mail me). If you are correct I will un-bold the lyric and give you credit. Please keep in mind the lyrics quiz is for entertainment purposes only so please only use your own meandering mind to guess them.

1. She wants neo-soul cause hip hop is old. She don’t want no rock ‘n’ roll. She want platinum, ice and gold. She want a whole lot of somethin’ to fold.
2. Nobody said it was easy. It’s such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard. Oh, take me back to the start.
3. She got out of town on a railway New York bound. Took all except my name. Another alien on Broadway. (Bright Lights - Matchbox Twenty; guessed by Kevin)
4. If you watch how I move, you'll mistake me for a player or pimp. Been hit with a few shells but I don't walk with a limp.
5. I wear this crown of thorns upon my liar’s chair. Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair. (Hurt - johnny Cash; guessed by Kevin)
6. Maybe I’m tangled in the power line and it might be over in a second’s time. I’d gladly go down in a flame if a flame is what it takes to remember my name.
7. Come out upon my seas. Cursed missed opportunities. Am I a part of the cure? Or am I part of the disease?
8. Did you think that I would cry on the phone? Do you know what it feels like being alone? I’ll find someone new.
9. You were a victim of my crime, a product of my rage, you were a beautiful distraction.
10. But no prints can come from fingers if machines become our hands. And then our feet become the wheels and then the wheels become the cars and then the rigs become begin to drill until the drilling goes too far. (The Horizon Has Been Defeated - Jack Johnson; guessed by Kevin)
11. Four more exits to my apartment but I am tempted to keep the car in drive and leave it all behind.
12. Could of died, so young, now looks ugly and old. No fun cause now when she reaches for hugs people hold they breath ‘cause she smells of corrosion and death.
13. Look at what you did to me: Tennis shoes, don’t even need to buy a new dress. If you ain’t there ain’t nobody else to impress.
14. When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love. You’ll understand what I mean when I sa y there’s no way we’re gonna give up.
15. Percolate anything you want to call it. Oscillate you hip and don't take pity.
16. We can drive thru the city no doubt, but don’t say my car’s topless, say the (expletive deleted) is out.
17. They wanna ride in something were the rims don’t stop. Look baby you fine, but your girlfriend’s not.
18. When’s this fever gonna break? I think I’ve handled more than any man can take. I’m like a love sick puppy chasing you around, and it’s alright.
19. Now I will tell you what I've done for you. Fifty thousand tears I've cried. Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you and you still won’t hear me.
20. You don’t care about me and I know there’s just no use. When all your lies become your truths and I don’t care.
21. You stay on my mind, Fulfill my fantasies. I think about you all the time. I see you in my dreams.
22. A hundred and three is forever when you’re just a little kid. So Cyrus Jones lived forever.
23. I’m ready to talk naughty in Veronica’s ear. She erotic and it’s hot, saw Heineken beer. Put her to the side and invite here to, “Cheers”.
24. Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity? Whatever happened to the fairness in equality? (Where Is the Love? - Black Eyed Peas; guessed by Kevin)
25. And I wake up put on my makeup. Pick up the phone, nobody’s home. I need to break out, get me some takeout. Stand inside a crowd. I wanna scream aloud, “I’ll be OK.”

I Hate Hospitals... People Die Here

Whenever a horror movies claims to be “based on a true story” I have to laugh a little because they make an assumption that we will actually believe that ghosts, demons, and / or other things that go bump in the night when Occam’s Razor would suggest that chick just went cray-cray. But on the bright side, crazy people have a vivid imagination and can come up with some pretty entertaining stories even if they did not really happen. The fact they happen outside the realm of reality is what makes them entertaining.

Supposedly The Possession was based on a true story where a newly divorced Jeffery Dean Morgan (Watchmen) is patroning garage sales to pick up essentials for his new house with his daughter when one of them Natasha Calis (The Firm) picks up an antique wooden box for herself. Except when they take it home it does not open and is covered in Hebrew. Until it mysteriously opens and the young child finds dead moths, teeth and other weird and random artifacts. Oh yeah, and the box also held an unseen demon.

The Possession does not add anything to the genre and can really be considered the Jewish take on exorcisms, as performed by former Hasidic Jew Matisyahu (why do the Catholics get to have all the fun?) or does not turn the genre on its head. But there are plenty of good scares in the film for all the horror fans out there like the scene in the trailer when the kid looks down her throat in the trailer to see fingers trying to climb out of her esophagus. I will also be infinitely more freaked out by moths after seeing this film. And of course the inclusion of children makes any horror movie just a little creepier.

For skeptics like me when it comes to movies “Based on a true story” there is a bonus feature The Real History of the Dibbuk Box which starts off by saying that the Dibbuk box shown for the feature is just a replica for your safety. The real story turns out nothing like the movie except the original owner has a stroke when coming into contact with the box (which is depicted much more violently in the movie). But low and behold when they say they are going to show us the actual Dibbuk box, I seriously thought of just turning off my television just in case. I did not and am still alive and still have all my appendages. Other specials on the blu-ray (which are the same as the DVD) include two separate audio commentaries, one with director Ole Bornedal (Nightwatch) while other is with the writers Juliet Snowden and Stiles White (Knowing). It also comes with a code that can be redeemed for both a digital copy and an UltraViolet copy for those that like to watch their movies on their mobile devises. I wonder if scary movies are more or less frightening on a smaller screen.


Full Disclosure Notice: Lionsgate gave me this blu-ray for review.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 1/13/13

Once Upon a Time: If Ruby speaks wolf, why not ask her to speak to the dog because it did seem that the dog knew that it was not really Regina in Dr. Hopper’s office. I guess that would have been too easy.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Switched at Birth: Hey Angelo, how about setting aside some of your winnings for one of your kid’s college fund? The way he is spending it will all be gone by the end of the month. Maybe that is the best thing, spend it all before baby mama number two comes for half (or more) of it.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

Bunheads: I forgot how awesome the mascing teenagers scene was. Hopefully that shows up on all the “previously on” segments. But I am a bit disappointed that ABC Family did not release the full vial video.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: So was the hand that came out of the ground last episode just a cheap scare for the Halloween episode or is there really a walking dead out there somewhere? We did get two suspects as to who Aria stabbed, although maybe they should not have waited weeks to try to figure out who that was. Again these are not the smartest junior detectives that have ever been on television. But I have decided after this episode the show needs much more slightly crazy Mona (hopefully they do not go the Homeland route and have her on too many crazy pills making the character much less entertaining).
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

The Lying Game: So Rebecca has another kid who looks around the same age as the twins. I vaguely remember theorizing they were actually triplets sometime during the first season but I am too lazy to look this up. Although the show is still missing something. Maybe it is time to kill someone (and someone more important that Derek) to raise the stakes. I wonder if having one actress playing the twins hurts the show because of logistics it is hard to have them go at it very often.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Lying Game on iTunes.

Happy Endings: I have noticed that the show really likes to make bad jokes that the characters like to point out as being bad. I guess it makes writing easier when you can keep all you stinkers by pointing out they are bad.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Happy Endings on iTunes.

Justified: With Homeland giving a slightly disappointing second season, I have high hopes for Justified to take back the title of best show on television. And the season premiere set it up to be that way. But it is a slightly odd that it went back to a procedural type episode like from the first season and did not introduce a new Big Bad in the line of The Crowders, the Bennetts, Robert Quarles, or Ellstin Limehouse (unless the new preacher in town is less Godly than he leads on). Granted Also went from mild nuisance to full on evil. But he is locked up so how much trouble can he get in (hopefully he has a run in with Dicky and Dewey and maybe I can finally get my prison spin off I have been hoping for). And the premiere will probably turn out to be less procedural than it let on because it seems safe to assume the bag in the wall is related to the dead parachute guy and we will spend the season figuring out who it was, who the bag belongs to, and how is Arlo involved. I am sure it will be a fun ride.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Parenthood: This may be the episode where Max goes from annoying little kid to quirky mini-Sheldon Cooper. Unfortunately just as Max becomes entertaining, Victor quickly raised the annoying kid quota. Suck it up Victor, you won the lottery. You went from dirt poor with a deadbeat mother to upper middle class in a loving family. So you have to eat some Brussels sprouts everyone and a while. Sure it is a little creepy that your new mom is extremely hot but you could have been in much worse situations.  With all the trouble they are having, I knew Joel and Julia should have adopted Zoe and her baby instead.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Parenthood on iTunes.

Nashville: I know the show, along with every other on television, lives in a hyper reality, but can you image if, in the middle of the season, Tim Tebow announced his engagement to Taylor Swift in a ceremony that would happen later that week, a day before a game in Cleveland only to be left standing alone at the altar? Skip Bayless’s head would literally explode. Stephan A Smith would have to be admitted to a mental health facility. Pardon the Interruption would just be shocked silence for the entire half an hour for a full week. Basketball would just cancel their games because there would be no coverage of them.

I was surprised they finally brought back the paternity issue with Rayna which the alluded to in the premiere and I do not remember being mentioned since. Almost as surprising was that her husband already knew. Hopefully we do not have to wait another ten episodes for it to be brought out again.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

The Big Bang Theory: I am morally opposed to GPS’s because they are for the stupid and the lazy, two things I pretend that I am not. But if I were to get a GPS, I would want a Sheldon Cooper voiced one. Either that or one with Snoop Dogg.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download The Big Bang Theory on iTunes.

Best of the Week - 1/12/13

Quote of the Week: I would like to quote another MC: MC Hammer because when you take the Monet’s and the Mayonnaise, you can’t touch this. Am I right? (Ryan King, Go On)

Song of the Week: It's Oh So Quiet – Bjork (Bunheads)

Scene of the Week:


Big News of the Week: Big Head Barry and the Monsters Never Ever Ever Getting Into the Hall of Fame, Like Ever: In his first ever time on the Baseball Hall of Fame ballot Barry Bonds received only 26.2% of the 75% needed to get elected into the Hall. Other first time ballot players who probably also roided up did not fair any better including Roget Clemons (37.6), Sammy Sosa (12.5). Other notable Big Heads previously on the ballot Mark McGwire (16.9) and Rafael Palmeiro (8.8) actually saw their percentages go down about three points each from last year which does not bode well for the cheaters. It is appropriate that when the three biggest suspected steroid users were on the ballot for the first time that no one was inducted (the first since 1961), thought Craig Biggio, who had the most votes at 68.2% should have gotten in.

Preview Picture of the Week:

Justified "Where's Waldo?" Tuesday at 10:00 on FX

Free Download of the Week: Vangaurd / Sugar Hill Records: The Americana Sessions

New Album Release of the Week: Things I Should Let You Know - Seth Glier

New DVD Release of the Week: The Possession

Video of the Week: When it was announced that the next season of Survivor would be Fans vs. Favorites II I said I would be irate if Kat from One World was not involved. Well consider me irate. Okay, I was irate that night when someone pointed out that the cast list had leaked months earlier. And as bad as the cast looked on paper, Francesca, the first voted off Redemption Island, another season for another annoying Hantz family member, this time Brandon, they actually looked worse in the promo. Did anyone really want to see more of Brenda or Corrine. At least they did bring back the clinically insane Special Agent Philip Sheppard, the clinically idiotic Erik Reichenbach (most famous, well, only famous for the first fans vs. favorites showdown when he gave away his Immunity Idol and then promptly being voted out), and the clinically attractive Andrea Boehlke. Here is hoping the show did a much better job casting the fans this time around.


Next Week Pick of the Week: Shameless, Sunday at 9:00 on Showtime: Even if you do not subscribe, you can still watch the third season premiere thanks to the Showtime free preview this weekend (and thanks to on-demand, you can even watch previous seasons). You can check out my full preview of the new season here.

Around the Tubes - 1/11/13

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Banshee, Spring Breakers, A New Age of Exploration: National Geographic at 125, Cruise Ship Disaster: One Year Later, Wicked Tuna, Syfy's Powerful Mondays, Pretty Little Liars, Pioneers of Television, Seal Team Six: The Raid on Osama bin Laden, Jewish Gilt, Awesomeness TV, Camp, and The Bronx Charter School for the Arts.

- Cinamax’s latest attempt to break the Skin prefix to their name by people like me, new show Banshee premieres tonight at 10:00. Even if you do not subscribe I believe you can still check it out as part as the Showtime free preview this weekend. From the creator of True Blood, the series stars Antony Starr as Lucas Hood, an ex-con and master thief who assumes the identity of the sheriff of Banshee, Pennsylvania, where he continues his criminal activities, even as he’s hunted by the shadowy gangsters he betrayed years earlier. For even more information on the show, you can head over to Cinamax.com where you can download a comic book prequel and watch a trailer below.


- Spring Break is still two to three months away, but you can go ahead and to get you excited, the marketing campaign for the Harmony Korine directed movie Spring Breakers starring Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and Ashley Benson just released its first teaser poster which you can check out below:


- National Geographic turns 125 this Sunday and to celebrate its television channel will be airing A New Age of Exploration: National Geographic at 125 tonight at 8:00 which captures the compelling behind-the-scenes stories that make going to extremes worth the blood, sweat and tears.

- One year after the Costa Concordia sank off the coast of Italy, the National Geographic Channel is investigation the latest details and gripping firsthand accounts behind the epic disaster with Italian Cruise Ship Disaster: One Year Later premiering Sunday at 7:00. The channel will stay at season after the special with the premiere of the second season of Wicked Tuna where hopefully all the boats stay in one piece.

- Syfy is starting up their Powerful Mondays with new seasons of Being Human, new show Continuum (unless you already saw it in Canada), and Lost Girl. Here is a preview to get you ready.


- Not only is Pretty Little Liars back, now you can tweet along with A herself @MonaVanderwall.

- New to PBS next week will be Pioneers of Television. The third season starting Tuesday will feature funny ladies, primetime soaps, superheroes, and miniseries.

- Already out on Blu-Ray and / or DVD is Seal Team Six: The Raid on Osama bin Laden (see my review of the movie here).


- Do not ask me where The Jewish Channel is on your cable box, or if this goyim is allowed to watch, but it is premiering a new show Jewish Gilt with renowned antique Judaica expert Jonathan Greenstein. In the show Greenstein, the modern-day guardian of antique ritual Jewish objects, brings the audience to the homes of ordinary people with extraordinary items; the show airs on The Jewish Channel on January 14th, 2013. Throughout the show, Greenstein uncovers treasured objects from the Jewish tradition that have remained hidden until now.

- Awesomeness TV recently teamed with Russell Simmons to collaborate on Simmons’ YouTube Channel with the goal of producing and sharing cutting-edge programming from diverse talent to help broaden YouTube’s audience, much in the way Def Comedy broadened HBO.

- Get ready to go to Camp this summer as NBC has ordered a thirteen episode season set to air the show over the summer. The show is created by Liz Heldens, the person behind the new show Deception.

- Music students from The Bronx Charter School for the Arts (BxA), Women’s Academy of Excellence (WAE) and Music UnitesAmbassadors are getting the chance to showcase their talents and participate in a once-in-a-lifetime discussion with Grammy Award Winning producer and recording artist Swizz Beatz during the Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum’s latest Power of One speaker series, Music-Versity: Bronx Edition. On January 17th, Music Unites, a non-profit organization dedicated to bringing music education to underprivileged children in inner city school systems, the Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum and Swizz Beatz will host over 100 students for an educational workshop geared to inspire, empower and unite middle and high school students through the power of the arts.

Previewing Showtime's Sunday Premieres

Showtime is having a free preview this weekend which will include the premieres of Shameless, House of Lies and Californication as well as the television premieres of The Iron Lady and Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1. The free weekend will also offer all seasons of most of the channels current shows ON Demand like Homeland and Dexter. So you can catch up with the shows premiering this weekend and here is a preview of the three shows.

Shameless really out did itself for its second season finale when Karen gave birth to Lip’s baby only for it to turn out to be Asian with Down syndrome. Sheila chose the baby over Karen and so this season Karen is out of the credits (Mandy Malkovich gets promoted to take her place and also takes her place in the gratuitous nudity department too). Oh yeah, and as it turned out Ian was sleeping with Jimmy’s father.

The new season opens up 137 days later just short of Easter (do not bother doing the math, it does not really work out, especially considering someone is home from college for the summer) and no one has seen Frank who has just woken up in his weirdest surroundings ever. Speaking of superlatives, Fiona is now working a job so disgusting I am surprised Mike Rowe did not pop up. And Veronica and Kev’s latest way to get money may be the show’s most offensive storyline yet which says a lot.

At least Jimmy has moved in but do not expect the domestic bliss to last very long as he still kind of have a wife. And speaking of wives, we finally get to meet Kev’s this season. And she does not show up alone. That is not the only unexpected visitor this season because we also meet a third Malkovich sibling who shows up with something entirely unexpected. I would call it shocking, but the only way Shameless could shock anyone anymore would to not do anything shocking.

Shameless airs Sundays at 9:00 on Showtime.


Following Shameless is an all new season of House of Lies which picks up a week after last season’s finale with Jeanie and Marty try to figure out what exactly happened that night during their alcohol induced stupor (they did go shot for shot during the final seconds of the finale). And after Jeannie took down the Rainmaker to save the pod’s life, there is a new female boss. Not that the Pod is still safe under new management. Thematically, there really are no major changes, so if you did not like the first season, you may not like the new one. But for those that like the following show, there is an homage to Californication in the season premiere.

House of Lies airs Sundays at 10:00 on Showtime.


The big news for the new season of Californication is the inclusion of The Token Hot Chick from Lost playing a groupie muse (while the Token Fat Dude from Lost also makes a cameo in an episode). Hank meets her in rehab in the second episode where Hank’s counselor is a familiar face which is also inhabited by a couple famous faces (which unfortunately do not play themselves).

Californication airs Sundays at 10:30 on Showtime.

You Can't Fire Me, I Quit; You Think You Can Replace Me With Some Other Guy, Go Ahead, it Won't Be the Same

Recently it was leaked that the producers of The X-Factor are going to dump Britney Spears because they wanted crazy Britney and all they got was one word answer Britney. I could not help but thinking of this while watching the first season of Anger Management because I had to wonder if the producers of the show were disappointed they got bored and disinterested Charlie Sheen instead crazy warlock from Mars Charlie. But unlike Spears who could not even bring in more eyeballs than Jeff Probst on his Silver Anniversary of Survivor and looks to be one season and done, Sheen still managed to pull in cable breaking rating executing a clause that means we will get ninety more episodes of the show.

As for the ten episodes that have already aired and are being released on DVD and Blu-Ray this week, the most disappointing part of the show is not only is Sheen not crazy, he is actually supposed to play a crazy person. Supposable he is playing the Jack Nicholson character from the Adam Sandler movie of the same name that goes to extremes while hosting an anger management therapy. But Charlie’s character is not so much crazy as he is just a bad therapist. Really the only bizarre treatment he has in the first season is using sleep deprivation as a truth serum. It could be construed of hosting anger management classes at his house, but I take that more as him being lazy.

The catch is that not only is Charlie an anger management therapist, he also needs anger management. Are at least that is what the script tells us, again, we are getting boring Charlie, not crazy Charlie. The problem is the best therapist he knows, Selma Blair (Cruel Intentions), he is also sleeping with which could get into some therapist / patient moral quandaries. His personal life is made even more complicated by an ex-wife Shawnee Smith (The Blob) who seems as disinterested as Sheen on screen and teenage daughter Daniela Bobadilla (Awake) who may be the most adjusted person with OCD ever or the writers quickly forgot she has it (I also found it weird at how childish she acted but after a little research apparently the nineteen year old actress is supposed to be playing a thirteen. Usually this is where I wonder they did not get someone closer to that age, but I guess it is probably a good idea not to have a young teenager around Charlie Sheen).

Also expect many references to Charlie’s real life, the series even inadvertently starts with Sheen telling off his former bosses in a tongue and check scene. The show even brought in his real life ex-wife as a love interest and his dad Martin actually shows up as his father Martin. (Brett Butler also shows up as a bartender named Brett and Michael Boatman is Charlie's neighbor named Michael. I sense a theme.) And since he ends up moving to the same city near the end of the season, I would expect Martin to show up frequently in the future. Although it is odd with how much the writers like to reference Sheen’s past, even though the character was a professional baseball player (for a day) they manage to resist any Major League references.

But the thing about Anger Management is there is an entertaining show in there somewhere. Had they just stuck with the therapy session, the show would have been much more entertaining. In Sheen’s group, there is the entitled mean girl all grown up (the always hot Noreen DeWulf), the crappy old man (Barry Corbin, No Country For Old Men), the passive aggressive gay homosexual, and the guy who cannot get angry but always dates angry chicks (it took me about half the first season to figure this out and I am still not entirely sure why here is in the group). Sheen also does pro-bono work at a prison. The show is actually at its funniest whenever they get Sheen out his comfort zone like when Blair slaps him repeatedly or when he is forced to date a “slumpbuster” (a baseball slang for very unattractive lady). Of course they have nineties more episodes to get it right, starting with new episodes next Thursday on FX. Until then the DVD and Blu-Ray is out now.


Full Disclosure Notice: This Blu-Ray set was given to me by Lionsgate for review.

Previewing Cougar Town on TBS

In a measure of full disclose I should mention I never watched a second of Cougar Town on ABC because, well, it was called Cougar Town and even though some say you cannot judge a book by its cover, if a show cannot come up with a better title than Cougar Town, it must not be worth watching. And I must not have been the only one because after the show got moved away from the cushy post-Modern Family slot where people were too lazy to turn the channel, the rating sank and the show got canceled.

But much like Conan O’Brien, the “cul de sac crew” got a reprieve from TBS but unlike Conan unfortunately did not take the opportunity to change the horrible name (okay, Conan had to change the name of his show). This would have been the perfect time (even the creator has grown to hate it) because all of the fanatic would know of the change while those scared off by the name may want to check it out under a new moniker. Oh well.

So what does this uninitiated viewer think of the new cable version of the sitcom? Well it is not very funny. Since this is my first time watch I cannot comment on if it just lost its funny in its transition to cable or if it stayed the same and just was not very funny to begin with. Maybe a combination of both. The show does seem to be geared towards an older age group to mine as it focuses on a bunch of middle aged people who just sit around and drink all day (and drink, and drink) and am I am about ten year away from joining that group (um, I mean twenty, or twenty-five).

Of the first six episodes I only laughed once and even that involved mustaches and mustaches are never not funny. None one in the cast is particularly funny and just are not good at selling jokes. What makes things worse is that Busy Phillipps sounds just like The Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation with at a Party but significantly less entertaining. Really the most entertaining character, Tom the nosey neighbor, is not even a part of the main cast. So anyone who was already a fan of Cougar Town rejoice because it is back tonight. Personally I hope instead of a fifth season of Cougar Town, next year TBS airs a fifth season of Community.

Cougar Town airs Tuesdays at 8:00 on TBS. You can download episodes of Cougar Town on iTunes.

Previewing Deception

I am sure a lot of people will write off Deception as a cheap Revenge knock off. Even the names have the same ominous sounding title. That was what I originally thought when I saw the first promo except Emily was a black cop (my second though was when was the last time there was a black lead on NBC; certainly they have had one since The Fresh Prince of Bel Air but I cannot think of one). But those who would will be selling the show short because it also rips off Veronica Mars also in the process.

Such much like Emily infiltrating the Grayson family on Revenge, Meagan Goode (Californication), who may rival Rachael Leigh Cook as the least believable law enforcement agent on television, is recruited by Laz Alonso (Breakout Kings) to infiltrate the Bowers clan when the daughter of the family dies of a drug overdose that may very well be murder. Goode just so happens to be a good friend of the victim (Goode’s mother was the help) despite being on separate rungs on the economic ladder just like Veronica Mars.

The Bowers clan makes the Graysons look like The Waltons with each family member skeevier and holding a deeper darker secret from the next. Victor Garber (Legally Blonde) is the patriarch and the head of a drug company that may be developing drugs that do more harm than good and may not be as nice as his public persona would suggest. Katherine LaNasa (The Campaign) is the ice queen of a second wife who seems more irritated than saddened that her step daughter is dead. Tate Donovan (Hercules) is the ruthless heir to the drug company. Wes Brown (Glory Road) is essentially the male Paris Hilton. While the baby of the family Ella Rae Peck (Bachelorette) is probably the most level headed so of course she has the deepest darkest secret in what is the premieres most shocking reveal.

Much like when Revenge premiered, you have to wonder how long they can stretch a singular purpose, and in this case of a murder mystery, as The Killing showed, it is not more than ten episodes. At least Veronica Mars solved other crimes while finding out who killed her best friend. But between Deception, Revenge, and the recently rebooted Dallas (which will air an hour before Deception on Mondays over on TNT starting later this month) we may be entering the Silver Age of salacious rich people television. Either that or Deception will be canceled and replaced with Betty White by Valentine’s Day.

Deception airs Mondays at 10:00 on NBC. You can stream episodes on Hulu. You can also download Deception on iTunes where you can currently download the Pilot for free before it even airs.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 1/6/13

Quote of the Week: I both hate you and want to be you. It's Ryan Gosling all over again. (Raj, The Big Bang Theory)

Song of the Week: Rapper's Delight – Sugarhill Gang (Parenthood)

Scene of the Week:


Big News of the Week: Television Is Already Back: Even though many shows just had their “Winter Finale” less than a month ago, most are already returning as soon as tonight. And here is what I will be watching while trying to stay warm over the next couple months (new shows I hope are worth watching in italics):

Sundays
8:00 – Once Upon a Time (Tonight)
9:00 – Revenge (Tonight)
9:00 – Shameless (January 13)
9:00 – The Walking Dead (February 10)
10:00 – House of Lies (January 13)
10:30 – Californication (January 13)

Mondays
8:00 - Switched at Birth (January 7)
8:00 – How I Met Your Mother (January 14)
8:00 – The Voice (March 25)
9:00 – Bunheads (January 7)
9:00 – Dallas (January 29)
9:00 – 2 Broke Girls (January 14)
10:00 – Deception (January 7)

Tuesdays
8:00 – Pretty Little Liars (January 8)
8:00 – The Voice (March 26)
9:00 - The Lying Game – (January 8)
9:00 – Go On (January 8)
9:00 – Happy Endings (January 8)
9:30 – Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 (January 8)
10:00 – Justified (January 8)
10:00 – Parenthood (already back)

Wednesdays
8:00 - Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites II (February 13)
8:30 – The Neighbors (January 9)
9:00 – Modern Family (January 9)
9:30 – Suburgatory (January 9; moving to 8:30 April 3)
10:00 – The Americans (January 30)
10:00 – Nashville (January 9)

Thursdays
8:00 – The Big Bang Theory (already back)
8:00 – Community (February 7)
8:00 - Last Resort (January 10)
10:00 – Do No Harm (January 31)
10:00 – King of the Nerds (January 17)

Fridays
9:00 – Grimm (March 8)


Preview Picture of the Week:

Pretty Little Liars returns with a bang Tuesday at 8:00 on ABC Family

Leverage: It was cheap of TNT to announce that it was not going to renew Leverage just days before the season finale which also happen to air on Christmas night. At least the writers had already wrote the finale like a series finale and the team was able to go out with one last entertaining job.
You can download Leverage on iTunes.

Parenthood: Thankfully my New Year resolution was not to tear up during Parenthood because I would not have made it a full day without breaking it. Really heartbreaking when Kristina shaved her head. The show when from heartbreaking to shocking when Victor shatters the window with his bat. Should be interesting to see how Julia and Joel react to that.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Parenthood on iTunes.

The Big Bang Theory: For anyone who want to give me a belated Christmas present, a life-sized Jenga game will do. Either that or a Sheldon Cooper’s Council of Ladies t-shirt.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download The Big Bang Theory on iTunes.


Free Download of the Week: Sooner the Sunset – Sooner the Sunset (Noisetrade)

Deal of the Week: 2,000 Albums for $5.00: Need to spend those Amazon gift cards you got for Christmas, Amazon MP3 has 2000 albums for only $5.00 each including a few albums that made my Best Albums of 2012 list like The Lumineers, Fiona Apple, John Mayer, and Cat Power:


New Album Release of the Week: SIGNED and SEALED in BLOOD - Dropkick Murphys

New DVD Release of the Week: Dallas: The Complete First Season

Video of the Week: Whenever you do a list inevitably something is going to be left off. This Is the End just missed my list of the 13 Events That Will Make 2013 Awesome because even though it features numerous comic geniuses from the Judd Apatow phylum: Seth Rogan, Jay Baruchel, James Franco, Jonah Hill, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson, and a dead Michael Cera all playing themselves. And even though the trailer is hilarious, I feel the actual movie will just be one big in joke and an excuse for everyone involved to sit around and get high. Plus had I included one apocalypse themed movie on my list it would have been the end of Edgar Wright’s disaster trilogy: The World’s End described as “Five friends who reunite in an attempt to top their epic pub crawl from 20 years earlier unwittingly become humankind's only hope for survival.” Since that does not have a trailer yet, here is the trailer for This Is the End.


Next Week Pick of the Week: The Lying Game, Tuesday at 9:00 on ABC Family: Let’s face it, the first season of The Lying Game was a bit of a bore. But when Sutton turned around and said, “Hi mom” the show got way more interesting. Except we had to wait ten months to see what exactly the mother and daughter knew and when they knew it. I would not mind at all if the first episode (or some episode this season) is a flashback at how they got together, devised their scheme, and put it in motion.

Previewing Cesar Millan’s Leader of the Pack

For those missing The Dog Whisperer after getting canceled, you mourning period should end tonight because Cesar Millan is back with Leader of the Pack premiering at 10:00 on Nat Geo Wild. The show says that Dog Whisperer had a mission; Leader of the Pack has a mission although if you squint just enough it will look very much like the same show. Instead of coming to your house to help train your dogs, Cesar will be heading out to animal shelters to help troubled dogs gets forever homes.

And Cesar will be doing it reality competition style. After rehabilitated a shelter dog that is having trouble getting adopted, Cesar rounds up three families and eliminates them one by one until he finds the best family for the troubled dog to live with. Sure he does not feel that comfortable telling a family they “are not the leader of the pack” but this is reality television people.

Among the dogs viewers will meet in the first three episodes are Jet, a black Labrador crossbreed that needs to learn basic manners and control his puppy-like behavior. Brigadiere, a timid mix-breed shelter dog that resorts to biting when he is afraid. And Harry, a 7-year-old basset hound whose owner passed away and whose poor social skills have made it hard to find him a home. For those that miss the helpful hints that The Dog Whisperer provided will surely enjoy Leader of the Pack.

Cesar Millan’s Leader of the Pack airs Saturdays at 10:00 on Nat Geo Wild.

The Thirteen Events That Will Make 2013 Awesome

Thirteen is supposed to be an unlucky number, but there are a few things worth looking forward to the thirteenth year of this decade.

13. Detox – Dr. Dre: It is becoming an annual tradition to start off this list by saying this may be the year Dr. Dre finally releases Detox, but considering he was not able to get it out before the Mayan apocalypse, I think it is a safe bet to take the over on the release of Detox compared to any other event, be it the Cubs winning the World Series, a Veronica Mars movie, or Hayden Panettiere winning an acting award. It does not help that last year 50 Cent said that Dr. Dre is no longer interested in Detox (much like the general public) and it may just be released as an EP at some point.

12. The Mayans Were Wrong (Probably): Sure we are in the unlucky thirteen year, but hey, we are still here. Unless of course you did not think the world was going to explode in mid-December and instead the world would die slowly and we were too busy looking for some big apocalypse we missed the small catalyst that will being on the end of the world as we know it. Since you are still alive, make sure you go out and enjoy life this year. I would say that you only live once, but I do not want to get sued by Drake. Plus Nancy Sinatra is significantly better than Drake and she said you only live twice.

11. Sequels That Won’t Suck (Hopefully): The Last Exorcism 2 (March 1), Kick-(Expletive Deleted) 2 (June 28), Grown Ups 2 (July 12), RED 2 (August 2), Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters (August 16), Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (October 4), and Thor: The Dark World (November 8) all had entertaining to great original films and statistically speaking a couple of the seven will probably have a good serial. Okay I do not have high hopes for the second The Last Exorcism because, well, it is an oxymoron but hopefully the other live up to the first movies or at the very least half of them do.

10. S.H.E.I.L.D. the TV Series: Joss Whedon back doing television would be awesome enough, but continuing his work in the Marvel universe makes this doubly awesome. The only way it could have been more awesome is if Lizzy Caplain, who starred in the Item 47 short film, would have continued her character on the new show (she is otherwise busy, but more on her later). No superheroes on the television show (unless you count the reanimated corpse of Phil Coulson) and a cast of unknowns but I have full faith in Whedon. Hopefully the show will be ready by the fall and does not flutter out like the Wonder Woman reboot that never ended up making it to air.

9. No National Elections: I am sure most of those that live in the United States do care either way, but for those of us living in swing states, no political ads or robocalls are very welcome in this off election year. Unfortunately it looks like 2016 will be worse than last year because Sheldon Adelson, who may have been the biggest loser after backing numerous losing candidates with what is believed to be over $100 million (almost a dollar for every vote cast), plans to double down in the future.

8. Man of Steel: I am still cautiously optimistic about the latest Superman reboot. Zack Snyder’s last movie was so poorly received that there was a groundswell to kick him off the movie. I love Christopher Nolan’s Batman movies, but as executive producer of the movie I fear he may make Superman more serious than he should be. But on the flipside, it cannot possible be worse than the Krypton in the Atlantic Ocean plot from Superman Returns. Can it? We will find out June 28.

7. A New U2 Album: Ever since U2 released No Line on the Horizon in 2009, the group has been teasing that the session had enough songs for another new album which they even dubbed Songs of Accent. That album has yet to materialize but the group, but their record company announced that they would be releasing a new album this year. No word on if the album will be Songs of Ascent, work they have done with Danger Mouse, or a dance album they have also supposedly been working on.

6. Warm Bodies: After Zombieland I declared the 10’s (the tens? The teens? What exactly are we calling this decade?) the decade of zombies. Since then there has been numerous movies, even the kids in The Cabin In The Woods ended up summoning zombies, The Walking Dead is crushing cable ratings records, and thanks to the bath salt epidemic that created actual living zombies. Of course there would eventually be someone who would come along and bastardize zombies with a crappy Twilight with zombies type movie. At least that is what I thought Warm Bodies was going to be until I saw the trailer and, surprise, not only did it not look painfully bad, it actually looked like it will be good. Warm Bodies, coming February 1, is not the only major zombie movie making its way to theaters this year as the oft delayed Brad Pitt World War Z is set to premiere this summer.

5. The Evil Dead: Does the world need a reboot of The Evil Dead? No. Even if Sam Raimi is involved? Not really. Does it need one where Ash is a chick? Goodness no. Even if it is the chick from Suburgatory? Probably not. Will I get excited if this movie leads to Tessa Altman vs. The Army of Darkness? Frack yes!

4. More From The Black Keys: The duo just released El Camino thirteen months ago but it does not sound like we will have to wait very much longer for the next album as the band expects it to be done by the end of Spring. It seems like only Rihanna releases as much music (seven in eight years), but where a Rihanna album is lucky to have one to three catchy songs, The Black Keys always release great albums. No word yet if the album will again be produced by Danger Mouse, who did two of the band’s last three albums.

3. Gangster Squad: After watching Crazy, Stupid, Love, I decreed that every movie should star Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling. Apparently someone was listening because the duo will be playing opposite each other in the period piece set to hit theaters next week. I am sure the duo could even make an Innerspace reboot awesome (McLovin of course would then play Martin Short, make this happen Hollywood).


2. Grand Theft Auto V: After all the massacres, people wondered if the upcoming Grand Theft Auto will be the last of its kind. It is doubtful as long as there is money to be made. And it is always cheap to blame entertainment for society’s ills when it is the parents that should be accountable for letting their kids to watch or play such violent games. I have played all four GTA games released on the two Playstation games and remain fiercely anti-gun. Plus the games are not all bad, you can also steal ambulances and cop cars and do good through the city. GTA V takes the game out west to San Andreas for the first time in modern times and the first modern game to take place outside of Liberty City. Little else is known about the game except it is supposed to be even bigger than the fourth installment and it is expected to be released sometime this spring.


1. Masters of Sex – Seriously, Lizzy Caplan is starring in something entitled Masters of Sex. The show cannot premiere soon enough (but will probably hit Showtime no sooner than April).