57 Channels and Only This Is On: 5/25/14

Mad Men: After Pete missed her twice, I was beginning to fear that we not get to see Trudy this episode and after Community got canceled, I need my Alison Brie fix anyway I can get it. I even sit through her vodka ads. But anyway. Every since Bob Benson creepily touched Pete’s thigh, people questioned his sexuality and this week we got a definitive answer as to just how he swings, going as far as to ask Joan to be his beard. Poor Joan, actually thinks she can still find love as a single mother pushing forty. Her best, and probably only hope is her baby-daddy Roger who has the maturity level of his kid.
You can download Mad Men on iTunes.

Penny Dreadful: I was beginning to think the second episode was going to enter into a sophomore episode slump after a fairly uneventful first half of the episode (consumption sex notwithstanding). But things really picked up in the second half. The séance scene was more disturbing than anything on The Walking Dead while the first Frankenstein Monster reintroducing itself to his father was just as creepy. Still the second episode felt more like an extension of the Pilot where we are introduced to two or three main characters. Now that we have met all the players, hopefully the show starts to pick up next week.

The Voice: I checked into the finale for a couple minutes and quickly realized that I wisely checked out somewhere between the first and second Battle Rounds. Somehow they found singers more boring and bland than last season’s final three in Christina and Jake. At least Josh won, though I not sure if he could have even sniffed the semi-finals in the first four seasons. This is usually where I make a long list of ways to fix the show, but I have only one right now: find better talent. I thought season four was pretty weak talent wise compared to the first three and the last two have gotten significantly worse talent wise. It is time to bring in more ringers. And good ones, not silly YouTube “superstars,” ones with actual talent and entertainment value.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.

Survivor: Cagayan: Sometime I just have to scratch my head at how some people vote. After three jury members attacked Tony for lying after swearing on his badge, wife and kid, and even his death father’s grave, I actually though Woo had a chance of winning, yet all three of those players ended up voting for Tony. I do not mind lying and cheating to advance in the game, but who gives a million dollars to someone who reigns on the memory of their dead father? What’s worse is that Tony did not even gain anything from voting for Trish. Ugg, so after such a promising premise, Brains vs. Beauty vs. Brawn, this season ended up being in the bottom five of the series.

Undoubtedly there will be an all-star edition of the format in the near future (they are already recycling Blood vs. Water), so here is my suggestion for the cast. I did fill the Beauty tribe with all hot chicks because I do not think anyone wants to know my thoughts on the subject. Plus, let’s be honest, the idea of a “beauty” tribe is that the members use their looks to advance and guys just do not do that. Look at this past season, two of the male beauties looked like they could have very well been on the Brawn tribe.

Brains
Ciera Eastin (Blood vs. Water)
Kim Spradlin (One World)
Sophie Clarke (South Pacific)
Rob Cesternino (Amazon)
Stephen Fishbach (Tocantins)
Todd Herzog (China)

Beauty
Parviti Shallow (Cooke Island)
Andrea Boehlke (Redemption Island)
Morgan McLeod (Cagayan)
Natalie Tenerelli (Redemption Island)
Chelsea Meissner (One World)
Mikayla Wingle (Phillippines)

Brawn
Kat Edorsson (One World)
Cliff Robinson (Cagayan)
Jeff Kent (Philippines)
James Clement (Blood vs. Water)
Stephenie LaGrossa (Palau)
Abi-Maria Gomes (Philippines)

You can stream recent episodes on cbs.com. You can also download Survivor: Cagayan on iTunes.

The Americans: With teaser at the end of the first season finale it seemed obvious that Paige would learn of her parents other lives sometime this season. And with Larrick hot on their trail, it seemed likely that he would kidnap and she would learn that way. Oops, got that totally wrong. It turns out it was the other kid who learned of his parents extracurricular activities. And then killed his parents. Alrighty, that was a bit rushed. But it did set up would could be a fascinating third season where Paige has to find out about her parents… right?
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

The Challenge: Free Agents: I have to grown whenever a new cast is announce and Johnny Bananas is once again a part of the season. And I have done a lot of growing because this is his tenth Challenge (he, along with C.T. and Anessa have tied Paula for the most appearance; and since I was on the Wikipeia page, I was flabbergasted to see Cara Maria just tied Sarah for most consecutive Challenges ever with seven, who keeps asking her back). So it says a lot that for the first time ever I was actually rooting for Bananas in an elimination round. That shows you juts how much of a douche Jordan is. And really there are very few things more entertaining than Jordan calling his shot against Bananas and then lose. And not just lose, but fail epically, falling of the wall. Good riddance Jordan, here is hoping you do not reach Johnny’s record.
You can download The Challenge: Free Agents on iTunes.

Hannibal: Well, frack, that is how you do a season finale. It may take me a couple days to fully compute what just happened.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Hannibal on iTunes.

The Voice Season Six Top 12 Power Rankings

Much like the two previous seasons, I have gotten bored by the time the Playoffs rolled around. There was not much to be excited about to start with, but with the exception of Blake, the coaches completely mismanaged their teams. The final twelve is about as boring as the final twelve last season and just barely more diverse than season four. Hopefully Pharrell Williams and (reportedly) Gwen Stefani do a better job of finding singers worth getting excited for. While they are at it, get two more new judges to replace Blake and Adam (I suggest Miranda Lambert and John Mayer) and have an “all-star” season featuring all the contestants that the judges in the first six season screwed up on (here are my suggestions of 25 Contestants that Deserve a Second Chance which I made after season five; let me add Sam Behymer, Madilyn Paige, Ddendyl, Kaleigh Glanton, Clarissa Serna, Dawn and Hawkes, De'Shawn Washington, and Allison Bray from this season). Since it is too late to do anything about the boring singers, here are some interesting song selections that could keep my interest for the rest of the season along with my latest (and possibly last) power ranking.

1. Audra McLaughlin (Team Blake): XO – Beyoncé: Blake will undoubtedly go country chalk for his two country singers this season much like he did in season four. That worked well for Danielle (and may do the same for Jake) but I see Audra more like Holly would got boring quick singing old-timey country. To avoid Holly’s fate, a middle of the pack finish, Audra will need a Hail Mary before getting stale (which arguably may have happened last week with the Martina McBride song). XO is a universal song that could easily have some pop-country crossover. Bonus points if she brings out a children’s choir in the chorus.

2. Josh Kaufman (Team Adam Usher): Stubborn Love – The Lumineers: I do not know why this song was not as big as Ho Hey, but it deserves some shine, and I think Josh could do it justice even if he has been more blue eyed soul than folk rock so far.

3. Tess Boyer (Team Usher Blake Shakira): The One That Got Away – The Civil Wars: Tess has shown a wide range and this song has a lot of dynamics to play with.

4. Sisaundra Lewis (Team Blake): My Love – Lionel Richie: Here is somewhere Sisaundra and Blake can meet halfway: a Lionel Richie song which featured Kenny Rogers on backing vocals.

5. T.J. Wilkins (Team Usher): Feenin' – Jodeci: T.J. got adventurous with his Blind Audition but has sung boring RnB songs older than me ever since. I do not know why 90’s RnB has rarely (if ever) gotten any love on this show, but a little Jodeci will keep T.J. from being boring.

6. Kat Perkins (Team Adam): Little Black Submarines – The Black Keys: Whenever a rocker gets on the show they end up doing all the AM golden oldies. Here is an epic Led Zeppelin type song that The Black Keys crammed into a three minute rock song. I am sure this will be the favorite song the backing band would play this season.

7. Delvin Choice (Team Adam): Sweet Life – Frank Ocean: Speaking of boring old RnB, Delvin has never been as adventurous as his hair. Frank Ocean is one of the few modern RnB singers that is soulful and adventurous.

8. Jake Worthington (Team Blake): I and Love and You – The Avett Brother: Unlike Audra, Jake probably can cruise to the semifinals just singing bro-country, but would be boring. And suck. Here is a country song that is much more interesting that you will not hear on country radio.

9. Christina Grimmie (Team Adam): Get Lucky (Daughter version) – Daft Punk: Christina has range and consistency problems; here is an awesome version of the song that can hide her limitations.

10. Bria Kelly (Team Usher): Fake Plastic Trees – Radiohead: The last two weeks has shown that Bria struggles with subtle. I do not think she can advance very far shouting all the time. Here is a song with subtle and loud parts and you do not have to be perfect on the subtle parts when Tom Yorke is your template.

11. Dani Moz (Team Shakira): We Found Love – Rihanna: It worked well last week, how about stripping down another pop song and turning it into a love song?

12. Kristen Merlin (Team Shakira): Mama's Broken Heart – Miranda Lambert: She does not seem to have much versatility so might as well go with something in her wheelhouse. I am guessing she will be gone in the first week or two anyway.

But who cares what I think, here is how the contestants faired this week on the iTunes chart including the previous round songs that charted over the past two weeks.

1. Christina Grimmie (35)
2. Kat Perkins (112)
3. Dani Moz (149)
4. Tess Boyer (153)
5. Bria Kelly (156)
6. Josh Kaufman (166)
7. Delvin Choice (220)
8. Jake Worthington (221)
9. Sisaundra Lewis (290)
10. Kristen Merlin (292)
11. Morgan Wallen (347)
12. Jake Worthington – Have a Little Faith in Me (545)
13. Jake Baker – Climax (615)
14. Audra McLaughlin (626)
15. Jake Barker (744)
16. Patrick Thomson (752)
17. Christina Grimmie – Wrecking Ball (752)
18. T.J. Wilkins (779)
19. Christina Grimmie – Counting Stars (800)
20. Madilyn Paige – I’ll Stand by You (1057)
21. Jake Worthington – Don’t Close Your Eyes (1138)
22. Jake Worthington It Goes Like This (1145)
23. Madilyn Paige (1185)

And here is how they rank if you average the highest iTunes peak of each singers four perforamces.

1. Christina Grimmie (186.75)
2. Jake Worthington (215)
3. Josh Kaufman (303.75)
4. Sisaundra Lewis (456.25)
5. Morgan Wallen (485)
6. Kristen Merlin (495.25)
7. Jake Barker (590.25)
8. Madilyn Paige (605.25)
9. Audra McLaughlin (695.25)
Half of the top 12 had at least one song fail to make the top 1500, here is how all their songs charted to give you a sense of how they rank.
10. Bria Kelly (126, 459, NC, 156)
11. Kat Perkins (451, 943, NC, 112)
12. Delvin Choice (416, NC, 894, 220)
13. T.J. Wilkins (714, NC, 422, 779)
14. Tess Boyer (NC, NC, 334, 153)
15. Dani Moz (NC, 1314, NC, 149)


So gone are the fifth, seventh, and eighth best iTunes sellers with two singers who only charted half their songs are moving on (granted those two did make the top 200 this week). Now it is time to put on my prognosticators hat on and predict how the season will boil down:

Eliminated 11-12: Dani, Kristen
10-9: T.J., Kat
8-7: Delvin, Tess
6-5: Audra, Bria
4: Sisaundra
3: Chistina
2: Jake
1: Josh

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 4/13/14

Once Upon a Time: So the Wicked Witch took Prince Charming’s courage, tried to take Regina’s heart. So who’s brain will be targeting? And when she gets the three she will be able to go back in time so she can be the one that executes Rumplestiltkin’s curse. Huh?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Shameless: I have long said that no one is really dead on television until you see a body (and even then so, I still give it a ten percent chance they somehow return), so when Jimmy went off to his certain doom, I still assumed he was alive until his corpse washed up along the shores of Lake Michigan. But the writers did wait long enough that I completely forgot about him and snuck him in after the credit so some people may have missed his return. But it looks like we will have to learn a third name for the character because his new female companion called him a new name.

Resurrection: What the frack just happens? Caleb is thirty and then just disappears. Is gone for good or will him and the other be back and forth through time?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Resurrection on iTunes.

House of Lies: Oh wow, Marty Kaan out of Kaan and Associates. I did not see that coming. But much like this past season where it looked bleak that the pod would all be reunited at Kaan and Associates, I have a feeling the writers will find a way for Marty to get back into the fold by the third episode of next season.

The Voice: Of course Team Blake went first because that was the most obvious of all the teams. As soon as I heard that the Playoffs were no longer live back during the first Battle Rounds, I figured those would be his final three. There was an outside chance that Blake could have dumped one of his two country singers for Madilyn Paige, but alas, Madilyn is yet another early fan favorite sent home before anyone could vote on her. Sadly she could have easily have been top three on any other team, and undoubtedly gone further than anyone still on Shakira’s team.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: After debating on whether to watch or skip to avoid spoilers from Captain America I went ahead and watched (I may have been one of the view because ratings were way down; in retrospect, ABC / Disney / Marvel probably should had scheduled so the episode before the movie was the season finale). There were some spoilers like the rise of Hydra and Nick Fury’s death but things looked dire for him in the preview at the end of the last episode (not that I believe he is really dead because you do not kill off Sam Jackson; the only question is if he faked his death or if he took a trip to Tahiti). The show did have a nice fake up making me think Victoria Hand was secretly Hydra only for John Garrett being the turncoat. But Agent Ward turning out to be Hydra was much less surprising, I saw that coming as soon as he adamantly volunteers to escort Garrett.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. on iTunes.

Justified: The Crowe storyline played out much like I expected it, Wendy turned on Daryl and he would end up dead or in jail. What I did not expect was how much time they spent setting up the next and final season. But just as it should be, next season will be Raylan vs. Boyd with Ava in the middle. After its weakest season, the show is angling to go out on its best (though I doubt anything with come close the Mags Bennet season).
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Cagayan: I am beginning to think the show is actively trying to make this season even worse than Redemption Island. Hopefully Morgan wears a screw you dress to every Tribal Council from here on out.
You can stream recent episodes on cbs.com. You can also download Survivor: Cagayan on iTunes.

The Americans: Every time I hear about someone taking a polygraph test, I am always taken back to the Beavis and Butt-Head episode where they hold their breath to beat the test. How did the duo not know of the squeezing your anus technique to cheat on the test?
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

Community: Well that was stupid. If it were not for Annie’s treasure map dance, that would have been one complete waste of a half and hour.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Parenthood: I do not remember anything from this week’s episode because the only thing I remember is the promo of a now blond Haddie making out with a chick. After a black dude and a chick, she is a Republican away from the Berkley parent nightmare trifecta.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Parenthood on iTunes.

The Challenge Free Agents: We get a new format this season which turned out to be a combination of the previous formats: they will play as teams one week, small groups other, duos, and individually. I kind of like not the make up from week to week and limits the dominance of one alliance. I do wish they would switch to Survivor type voting because as is the latter voters just end up voting the inevitable. Or even better, have everyone write down a name at the same time and then reveal the names one by one to the group so those voting first do not determine what the latter voters do. And while I am making suggestions, can we please have a moratorium on Bananas and CT and just never ask Cara Maria back.
You can download The Challenge: Free Agents on iTunes.

Hannibal: Last week I pondered if Hannibal planned on Jack finding Miriam or was that his first slip up. Of course Hannibal orchestrated. How he took down Dr. Chilton was awe inspiring. Sully was the only smart person on this show and got out out Dodge without a trace once realizing who Hannibal was.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Hannibal on iTunes.

The Voice Season Six Battle Rounds II Power Rankings

I post my Power Rankings the day before the next round starts which gives me a week to write it. Since The Playoff start the day after the end of the Battle Round II I this will short. Not that is much to say other than the Battle Round II sucked massively. The conceit was stupid, the song selection was horrible, and the coaches’ decisions were even worse, I actually disagree with everyone the coaches picked last night (combined with about half of who they picked last week). It seems as if Shakira wants to take Christina Aguilera’s worst coach in the history of the show crown. Adam looks like he has takes Blake’s philosophy from last season of letting a new coach win, while Usher looks to be employing Adam’s previous philosophy of having one chosen one (Bria) and sabotage the rest of his team so they have less of a challenge in the Live Shows. He could have had the best team and three of the final four with Bria, Madilyn, and Morgan, but now he will probably end up taking Stevie Jo and T.J. to the Live Show , the latter two will probably gone after everyone from Shakira’s team is sent home. And Madilyn and Morgan probably will not make it that far as all the coaches shed their Steals before America is allowed to vote. So congratulations Blake, go ahead and make room for another trophy because you have the best chance of winning because you again picked amassed a team of singers that America will want to vote for. Since I have nothing to say about the Battle Round II aside that all the battles sucked aside from Have a Little Faith in Me, here is the latest power ranking with just a list, no comments.

1. Tess Boyer (Team Usher Blake Shakira)
2. Madilyn Paige (Team Usher Blake)
3. Josh Kaufman (Team Adam Usher)
4. Sisaundra Lewis (Team Blake)
5. Audra McLaughlin (Team Blake)
6. Morgan Wallen (Team Usher Adam)
7. T.J. Wilkins (Team Usher)
8. Bria Kelly (Team Usher)
9. Delvin Choice (Team Adam)
10. Patrick Thompson (Team Adam Shakira)
11. Melissa Jimenez (Team Usher)
12. Jake Worthington (Team Blake)
13. Jake Barker (Team Usher Adam)
14. Kat Perkins (Team Adam)
15. Stevie Jo (Team Usher)
16. Christina Grimmie (Team Adam)
17. Ryan Whyte Maloney (Team Blake)
18. Dani Moz (Team Shakira)
19. Deja Hall (Team Shakira)
20. Kristen Merlin (Team Shakira)

Oh Shakira, what were you thinking? You had my favorite team coming out of the Blind Auditions and now you have maybe the worst team ever to go into the Playoffs, yes, as bad as Christina in seasons one and three. Twice Shakira said she was going to go with who she thought she could help the most. No Shakira, pick who was the best, or the very least has the most potential. If you want to help someone who needs it, do it on your own time. Oh well here are how the teams stack up if you award a point to the last place and twenty to number one:

Blake – 65
Usher – 61
Adam – 47
Shakira – 37

But who cares what I think, here is a look at how high everyone charted on the top 1500 on the iTunes charts. It looks like music buyers hated the new Battle Round as much as I did.

1. Jake Worthington (100)
2. Sisaundra Lewis (184)
3. Christina Grimmie (189)
4. Morgan Wallen (216)
5. Stevie Jo (303)
6. Tess Boyer (334)
7. Deja Hall (351)
8. Josh Kaufman - Happy (416)
9. T.J. Wilkins (422)
10. Jake Barker (434)
11. Sam Behymer – Give Me Love (570)
12. Audra McLughlin (612)
13. Kristen Merlin (632)
14. Jake Worthington – It Goes Like This (645)
15. Josh Kaufman (745)
16. Madilyn Paige – Everything Has Changed (821)
17. Delvin Choice (894)
18. Madilyn Paige (919)
19. Jake Worthington - Don’t Close Your Eyes (1002)
20. Christina Grimmie – Wrecking Ball (1191)
21. Christina Grimmie – I Knew You Were Trouble (1342)

The first thing that pops out to be is that of the four steal, three of the stolen singers charted higher than the person that “won” their battle, so apparently I was not the only one who thought the coaches did a horrible job picking their teams this season. The next thing that jumps out at me is that the week old Sam Behymer song charted higher than eleven people who are moving on. Six of the top twenty could not even crack the top 1500. Compared that to last year when only one person failed to chart during the Knockout Round.

To show you just how bad the coaches were at picking their teams, if you look back at the top ten Blind Audition sales, six of them (Dawn and Hawkes, Clarissa Serna, Josh Kaufman, Madilyn Paige, Morgan Wallen, and Emily B) lost their round two Battle. A seventh (Alaska & Madi) did not even make it this far.

1. Jake Worthington (213)
2. Christina Grimmie (237.3)
3. Josh Kaufman (349.3)
4. Madilyn Paige (412)
5. Stevie Jo (421)
6. Sisaundra Lewis (511.6)
7. Morgan Wallen (531)
8. Jake Baker (539)
9. Kristen Merlin (563.3)
10. Audra McLaughlin (718.3)

That is not good that only half of the top twenty managed to have all three of their songs chart in the top 1500. For comparison, last year fifteen of them did. Of the other five, four of them had two songs chart. Only one had only one song chart. And of those five, all five did not get voted through by America during the Playoffs (Kat Robichaud was saved by her coach and managed another week because of the stupid Twitter Save) This season there were five who only charted two, three that only charted one. And there were two that did not chart at all in the top 1500. Here is how those other ten charted.

11. Bria Kelly (126, 459, NC)
12. T.J. Wilkins (714, NC, 422)
13. Delvin Choice (416, NC, 894)
14. Kat Perkins (451, 943, NC)
15. Deja Hall (1190, NC, 351)
16. Tess Boyer (NC, NC, 334)
17. Ryan White Maloney (917, NC, NC)
18. Dani Moz (NR, 1314, NR)
19. Melissa Jimenez / Patrick Thompson did not reach the top 1500 once

That is really embarrassing. It is really laughable that Melissa and Patrick are still in and Dawn and Hawkes, Clarissa Serna or even Sam Behymer and Kaleigh Glanton who were able to sell both of their songs, are all sitting at home. And since the coach decide the top 12 this season by themselves, I have a feeling their coaches will favor their own team over steals which may means Josh, Madilyn, and probably either Morgan or Jake will also not make it to be voted on by the public despite outselling most people who advance. I suggested this last season, but for the Live Show, they should introduce a fifth judge (be it Chris Martin, or breakout star Jill Scott) who picks three outcasts to rejoin the competition. I bet a team of Dawn and Hawkes, Clarissa, and Sam (or Josh, Madilyn, and Morgan if it comes to that) would be better threesome then any come this season will come up with. Or next season replaces these coaches with people who can actually spot talent.

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 4/6/14

Once Upon a Time: It is probably not a good sign when you laugh through a whole death scene, but Neil’s death was just silly. C’mon, how about at least trying true love’s kiss to revive him?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Shameless: So Frank finally got his liver and then thinks the little girl in the next bed who died is Fiona. So will that actually be the catylist for him to be a better man? I am guessing he will be back to destroying his new liver by next season’s premiere.

The Walking Dead: In the lead up to the season finale, the questioned seemed like it would not be if one of the main characters died, or even which one (Rick already being booked for Talking Dead for the very first time seemed ominous), but how many. Well it ended up being none. Sure there was a very gruesome death; Rick ripping out the neck of some dude with his teeth was nearly as gruesome as any zombie on human violence in the show, but it still was anti-climatic that the foursome all made it out with only a black eye to show for it. We also found out that Terminus was naturally not what it seemed. Glen went in the front door and Rick went through the back but still ended up in the same place. It was dark, but it I did not see Carol, Tyrese, or even Beth. Now I have to spend seven months debating if to check out the graphic novel spoilers to see what I actually up with Terminus.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Resurrection: So is this going to turn into a new dead person a week type show? The latest zombie is the most interesting of the three we have met, one that committed suicide but no longer wants to die and kind of wants to rekindle her old flame who just so happens to be married now. That is a lot more interesting than the kid and the criminal.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Resurrection on iTunes.

Revenge: Why is every time Aiden leaves, they still find a dumb reason to bring him back? Just let him go, he brings nothing to the show. Or better yet, just kill him off so you are not tempted to bring him back.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

House of Lies: Finally they killed off T.I. He really dragged down this season. I am glad Marty accused Dre of setting up a gang hit so it seemed less racist when it first crossed my mind.

The Voice: So the big twist this season is that there is a second round of battles instead of the Knockout Round with the big difference being that this round the singers get to pick the song they sing. Except as we found out, the song they had to pick was from a short list of three songs. And I wonder if they really had a choice between the three because Stevie Jo and Morgan Wallen settling on One Direction looked like really bad acting.

We did not even get to learn the other two for half of the battles this week and with so many bad songs this week I have to wonder just how much worse the other were. You had Christina Grimmie and Sam Behymer doing the horrible One Republic song which was used in a Battle just last season. It’s a Man’s, Man’s, Man’s World was also used in a Battle last year. Then there was the horrible Miley Cyrus song which I think Blake included just so he could make a twerking joke. The only song choice this week that did not have me rolling my eyes was Have a Little Faith in Me, one of the greatest songs ever written.

And as bad as the song selection was, some of the coaches’ decisions were worse. I disagreed with five of the nine Battles shown (as for the one montage, I would have also would have seen Emily B advance). Personally I would have gone with Tess Boyer, Sam, and Ddendyl to win their Battles. Then there was the curious case of the steals this week. I was scratching my head when Usher and the other coaches were talking like Stevie Jo was the frontrunner when Morgan has been better (maybe he really bombed in his montaged first Battle). And then Usher let Morgan get stolen by Adam even though he could easily go further with the voter than Stevie Jo. But I am only assuming Usher let Adam have Morgan because Adam inexplicitly let Josh Kaufman go to Team Usher when Josh was Adam’s best chance of winning this season.

Now I doubt Josh and Morgan will make the Live Shows (which will not be until the top 12 this season) because I do not think any stolen contestant will make it that far except for Tess just because someone on Team Shakira has to advance besides Clarissa Serna and a third random singer who will be voted out first (I am assuming will be Deja Hall). I think we may have to pencil Blake in for a fourth win in five seasons because he is the only person that has not made a colossally bad decision so far this season and looks like he will go into the top 12 with three singers, Audra McLaughlin, Sisaundra Lewis, and Jake Worthington, that would contend to win this season. Of course there is still another round and a half for him to make a colossally bad decision himself. But this is the guy who last season dumped Holly Henry for the worst singer to ever make the Live Show.


You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download songs performed this week with the widget at right.

How I Met Your Mother: So we spent an entire weekend at Barney and Robin’s wedding just to see them get divorced about ten minutes into the series finale. But to put it in perspective, we spent nine years learning how Ted met the mother only for him to end up with Aunt Robin.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

The Blacklist: So Tom really thinks that he left behind no clues that link back to him from his evil abandoned warehouse? Maybe after his “brother” end up dead he will realize that maybe his wife may be on to him. Hopefully something finally goes down between the two in the next episode.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Blacklist on iTunes.

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: I was going to be fairly disappointed if The Clairvoyant ended up just being Steven Hawkings but it looks like it will end up being a SHEILD agent. But I wonder if I should even watch the next episode for fear of having Captain American spoiled for me because I have an irrational dislike of movie theaters and will not be seeing it until it comes out on Blu-Ray at the earliest. Sure the post-Thor episode did not spoil anything other than London being destroyed (but you could see that in the trailer) because it mostly took place in Asgard. It is my assumption that Winter Soldier is all about the interworking of SHIELD which should have some sort of effect on a show based on the agency.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. on iTunes.

Justified: Oh Raylan, you sneaky guy, you: having the judge go after Kendal as an adult to get Darryl to fess up for his crime. Of course that will not happen, but I am sure Wendy is not going to just go along with this, but who does she go after, Raylan or Darryl? But more importantly, what loophole will Dewey use to get him out of jail this time? Or are they finally going to greenlight my Dewey Dickie jail setting spin-off show. I am not sure if Ava will make it that long to star in a co-ed version.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Cagayan: I have really come to dislike this cast, but that was still a pretty entertaining Tribal Council, maybe even top five of all time. First you had two Immunity Idols, that no one but the owners knew about prior to being played, being traded. You had the mad scramble by the non-Idol holding alliance to someone new. They managed to land on someone who was not saved by an Idol making the big Idol play by the minority alliance the anti-Parvati. Oh, but that is not it, when the final name is called, it turned out all this Idol madness did not even matter because in one of the dumber moves in Survivor history, Cass flipped out of what looks to be pure spite to Sarah for being a preening schmo. Awesome. So Cass went from being in what look to be an almost lock for final three with the remaining Brains to being sixth in a six person alliance. I do not think they could have cast dumber “Brains” if they tried.
You can stream recent episodes on cbs.com. You can also download Survivor: Cagayan on iTunes.

The Americans: Oh my, Elizabeth seducing Clark went as well as I thought it might.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

Nashville: Wait, Scarett shares the same mother with Tyra Collette (who is inexplicitly now a doctor on Jason Katim’s new show; god bless him for keeping Dillon alumni employed)?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

Community: I did not buy an HDTV so I could watch poorly drawn seventies type cartoons. I bought so I could see Alison Brie in all of her high definition glory. But if you must do a crappy seventies cartoon episode, at least when Jeff comes to, have Annie dress up in her cartoon outfit.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Parenthood: Oh Julia, what have you done? Up until now, Joel was the idiot because nothing happened, but something did happen this time that cannot be unexplained.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Parenthood on iTunes.

Hannibal: When Beverly got caught in his basement, I theorized that Hannibal may keep her down there and might be saved, albeit with a few parts missing by the end of the season. Of course the very next week she was found sliced up debunking that theory. That is what makes the final scenes even more shocking, that Hannibal would keep Miriam Lass alive all this time. Up to now, Hannibal has stayed a step or five ahead of law enforcement and we have yet to see him make a mistake. So I have to wonder if Hannibal left Miriam there for Jack or is this his first mistake. Miriam does know that Hannibal is the one that did this to her but is she currently mental stable to remember what happened to her so it could go either way.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Hannibal on iTunes.

The Voice Season Six Battle Rounds I Power Rankings

I hate the Battle Rounds with a fiery passion. There may be four great performances in six season (none of which happened this season) and many more bad ones. It seems like best case scenario is that you get a complete train wreck. I thought the advent of the Steal in season three would make things better but it is now worse. Things have gotten even more predictable, I guessed 22 of the 24 winners before the contestants took the stage, one of the two I got wrong ended in a Steal anyway so it did not matter much. Plus it has become clear that each episode will end in a Steal so there is really no reason to watch it. And worse now that they are montaging Battle, that means no more train wrecks. Blake apparently forgetting the Erin Martin / The Shields Brothers debacle of a season two gave a female / male duet What’s Love Got to Do with It which may not have been as big a train wreck as the first time, but we will never know because it was montage. And in possible the worse rule change in the history of the show, they are actually adding a second Battle Round. Ugg. Hopefully they do more than three Battles per hour. Or just montage the whole round. But anyway. Here is my updated Power Ranking:

1. Sisaundra Lewis (Team Blake): Just like the coaches mentioned, let me bring up that note at the end: that was otherworldly. My goodness.

2. Madilyn Paige (Team Usher): I found it interesting that right before picking her, Usher talked about her maybe thriving on Blake or someone else’s team. When Usher said that it did give me pause that he may have picked the other guy even though this Battle seemed like the second most obvious winner of any Battle and that Madilyn deserved it. But could Usher’s comment be foreshadowing for the next round? I kind of hope so because I always thought she would be better off on Blake’s team.

3. Sam Behymer (Team Adam): I wanted to like Sam’s Blind Audition but it sounded like she was trying to add too many moments and when you try to make too many parts of a song a moment, nothing ends up being special about it. After the round I hopped that Adam would iron out those issues (the studio version of Royals was significantly better and maybe my favorite studio recording of the round). Thankfully on the rehearsals Adam and Aloe really hammered those out unnecessary moments and Sam ended up having one of the standout performances of the Battle Rounds. And since she had more control, when she hit the line, “give a little time to me we’ll burn this down” really stood out as a defining moment.

4. Audra McLaughlin (Team Blake): The Battle Round is my least favorite part of the show; it is really hard for anyone to stand out unless you completely blow your opponent out of the water. It is even worse when you go up against a duo and there were times when Audra felt like a third wheel and other times when she tried too hard to out[-sing two voices which ended up being too loud. But she clearly has one of the best voices in the competition and the studio version is significantly better than the live performance. Unfortunately there is another Battle Round this season, but on the bright side, there are no more duos left on Team Blake.

5. Josh Kaufman (Team Adam): I am under the assumption that singers get montaged for one of two reasons, because they were simply not good, or because they go up against a frontrunner in the Battle Round and maybe should have won. Even though Josh has the much better voice, I thought Austin Ellis may have actually had a slightly better performance. But I do think the song was more in Austin’s wheelhouse, and Josh has a much higher potential. The question is will Adam be able to find better songs that suit Josh from here on out that are better for him than Happy was.

6. Kaleigh Glanton (Team Blake): Is a familiar Battle Round scenario, coach pairs two singers of different styles, gives them a song that is in one of the singer’s wheelhouse, and then picks that singer as the winner. So when Blake gave Kaleigh and lounge singer Noah a Michael Buble song, I figured Carson might as well have raised Noah’s hand right then and there. Except Kaleigh amazingly did the lounge song better than the actual lounge singer.

7. Clarissa Serna (Team Shakira): It became apparent to me during the behind the scenes package that Clarissa should go with the straight hair more often.

8. Brittnee Camelle (Team Usher Adam): I did not think much of her Blind audition; probably that most had to do with the horrible song selection. But give this girl an actual good song and, wow. I do not know what Usher was thinking about letting her go. It may have been smarter to go with Shakira who took both her Steals to the Live Show last year while Adam, who did take three Steals to the Lives the first two seasons, dumped both his Steals in the Knockout Round last season even though they were probably better. Hopefully Adam gives her more sexy RnB and no cheesy pop songs but she is much better at the former.

9. Ddendyl (Team Shakira): Montage win… yawn.

10. Tess Boyer (Team Usher Blake): I have never been a fan of Janis Joplin so I definitely liked Tess’ more subtle approach to the song.

11. Morgan Wallen (Team Usher): Montage win… yawn.

12. Dawn and Hawkes (Team Adam): I talked earlier how it is hard for Audra to go up against a duo but it is also challenging for duos to go against a singular artist. You have to present yourselves as individuals, as a duo, and then force yourself into a trio for parts of the song. The performance was a bit sleepy which worked well for their first performance, but I wanted more during this round.

13. Patrick Thompson (Team Adam Shakira): When Adam did not choose him, I figured if anyone, Blake would steal him, possibly even Usher since he was similar Ryan Innes. I did not see Shakira being the only one to push her button.

14. Biff Gore (Team Usher Blake): I would have given Biff the slight edge in his battle but the song did benefit him a bit more because he can let go in the way that the song need.

15. T.J. Wilkins (Team Usher): I would have given the Battle to Biff, but T.J. may be around longer because while he is too clean to properly sing a song like Ain’t too Proud to Beg, he seems to be more versatile and with the right songs, he could be a dark horse this season.

16. Bria Kelly (Team Usher): I found this performance less annoying than the very shout-y Blind Audition, but she still remains a little too much for me. Unfortunately shout-y females (Juliet Simms, Jackie Lee) have done well on the show.

17. Kat Perkins (Team Adam): I had to laugh when Adam said, “It’s a shame that they are both together.” Hey idiot, you were the one that put them together. If you think they are both top five artists then why put them together. Unless you think the other three are also on your team. Granted Adam’s hubris probably thinks that. Even though I thought Patrick was better this round, both were definitely two of the top thirty-two singers this season and should have advanced. I would not go as far to say both, or either, are top five like Adam did.

18. Melissa Jimenez (Team Usher): A couple seasons ago, Loren Allred got montaged twice and then somehow advanced to the next round because she hit a note at the end her performance even though her opponent was much more consistent. Personally I would have taken Britnee who was much better throughout the battle than Melissa who only hit one great note.

19. Stevie Jo (Team Usher): I would have given Stevie Jo the win too, but mostly by default. Instead of both advancing, if I had the decision, I would have been content with both going home.

20. Delvin Choice (Team Adam): There were a few times this season where I would have been content if both would have been sent home, this was at the top of that list. If one had to advance, I guess Delvin was the right, I hate to do this, choice, because it sounded like Caleb Elder was singing “I’m a man.” Seriously, how do you mess up the lyrics in the title of the song?

21. Cierra Mickens (Team Shakira Usher): It is interesting that Shakira put Ciera and Emily together because for both singers I liked their Blind Auditions but wondered if I liked them because they picked songs that are hard to screw up. I did not like their Battle Round, but again, I wonder if it had more to do with the song selection, Brave is kind of boring and bland and there really is not much you can do with it. I guess I will have one more round to figure out if I like either.

22. Emily B (Team Shakira): Basically what I said about Cierra applies here.

23. Jake Barker (Team Usher Adam): I am surprised anyone wanted to Steal him, let alone all three. Grated it could have been very well that only Adam wanted him and Shakira hit her button because she always has to press her button second and Blake, well Blake just did it to irritate Adam. But in a season filled with unworthy four button pushes, it is only apropos that there was also an unworthy three button Steal.

24. Ryan Whyte Maloney (Team Blake): Yeah, not that surprising a dude singing What’s Love Got to Do with It got montaged. Oh Blake, what were you thinking? The Shields Brothers are the only dudes that should sing that song.

25. Jake Worthington (Team Blake): I have long assumed that performances get montaged because they were not good, if that is the case, I wonder how bad the montage Battles were that they did not shown so this Battle was. One of the worst Battles the show has ever aired.

26. Deja Hall (Team Shakira): Winning the least entertaining (shown) Battle does not make me think she will be going much further.

27. Josh Murley (Team Adam Shakira): Not the most head-scratching Steal ever, but you have to wonder what Shakira was thinking unless she has started to use the philosophy of the other coaches to treat their Steals like fodder. But that would be weird for Shakira whose best performer last year was a stolen artist. She would have been much better off stealing Alaska and Madi.

28. Christina Grimmie (Team Adam): Montage win… yawn.

29. Dani Moz (Team Shakira): There was a Battle last season when it seemed pretty clear that Shakira picked someone based solely not on who she thought was better but on the assumption that someone would steal the loser. I wonder if that was her thinking with Dani and De'Shawn Washington because my jaw dropped in shock when she picked Dani. Did she think just because Blake and Usher thought DeShawn won (Adam was indecisive) that one of them would steal him? If that is the case she may be overtaking Christina as the worst coach on the team.

30. Music Box (Team Shakira) Usher): I am all for pseudonyms, but Music Box does not work for a singular person. But this is not a reality show trying to find the greatest nom de plume, and her voice was way too over the top the whole time and was the main reason why this was the worst Battle of this round. And for the first time in the history of the Steal, Blake was not the coach who made the dumbest Steal of the season.

31. Kristen Merlin (Team Shakira): So after her big pitch to her two country artists that she secured this season was that Shakira would bring in Miranda Lambert to mentor them, they ended up montaging their battle. Alrighty. Maybe Miranda was not that good of a mentor.

32. Megan Rüger (Team Blake): Montage win… yawn.

As I always do, it is fun to see who has the strongest team. So I rank each contestant, giving one point to last place and thirty-two to number one and add up each team and here is how they stack up after the Battle Round:

Blake – 148
Adam – 148
Usher – 132
Shakira – 100

After the Blind Auditions, Shakira had a slight lead and now way at the bottom. It certainly did not help that she does not have anyone in my top eight. Bad pairings, bad picks, and some bad song selections did not help her. It is amazing that she got anyone to steal one of her artists when Blake was not poached once. Blake jumped from third to tied for first with Adam who was fourth and far behind after the Blind Auditions. Adam did have the best of the lackluster steals this season. But who care what I think? Here is how the iTunes buyers rank the Battle Round winners (and Steals) by how high they charted in the top 1500. I also included Blind Auditions that charted during the Battle Round to give you an idea of who may have some staying power this season.

1. Madilyn Paige (142)
2. Josh Kaufman (168)
3. Sam Behymer (266)
4. Kristen Merlin (371)
5. Jake Worthington (399)
6. Jake Baker (429)
7. Christina Grimmie (450)
8. Madilyn Paige – Titanium (455)
9. Stevie Jo (457)
10. Bria Kelly (459)
11. Clarissa Serna – Zombie (501)
12. Dawn and Hawkes – I’ve Just Seen a Face (507)
13. Kaleigh Glanton (507)
14. Christina Grimmie – Wrecking Ball (603)
15. Dawn and Hawkes (597)
16. Sisaundra Lewis (611)
17. Jake Worthington - Don’t Close Your Eyes (634)
18. Josh Kaufman – One More Try (742)
19. Kat Perkins (943)
20. Clarissa Serna (1111)
21. Morgan Wallen (1193)
22. Audra McLaughlin (1291)
23. Dani Moz (1314)
24. Bria Kelly – Steamroller Blues (1397)

The first thing I noticed from the iTunes list is how many contestants did not even show up in the top 1500: only 17 of the 32 advancing made the list. For comparison, last season 27 charted somewhere including three in the top 100. If you count the Blind Auditions, 36 songs charted sometime during the Battle Rounds. The second thing that jumped out at me was how high Kristen Merlin charted being montaged. Sure there have been a few that were montaged during the Battles that charted fairly high, Cassadee Pope made the Overall Top 200, last season, Holly Henry made the Top 100 Pop Charts. But those two had good selling Blind Auditions, Kristen’s Battle Round song charted 300 spots higher than her Blind Audition. Kristen even out charted Christina Grimmie despite the latter being touted as a YouTube star. I guess when your fan base is used to streaming your music for free, they are not that inclined to buy it. But it did help make Team Adam have 6 of his 8 member on the chart. Shakira only had three, even worse; one of those was the montage Kristen so six of her contestants who performances in full did not make the top 1500. To give a better idea of who is the most popular this season, I took the average of how high their first two songs charted and here is how those artists rank.

1. Josh Kaufman (152)
2. Madilyn Paige (158.5)
3. Chistina Grimmie (261.5)
4. Jake Worthington (269.5)
5. Bria Kelly (292.5)
6. Dawn and Hawkes (310.5)
7. Sam Behymer (408.5)
8. Stevie Jo (480)
9. Kaleigh Glanton (495)
10. Kristen Merlin (529.5)
11. Jake Barker (591.5)
12. Clarissa Serna (598.5)
13. Sisaundra Lewis (675.5)
14. Morgan Wallen (688.5)
15. Kat Perkins (697)
16. Audra McLaughlin (771.5)


Again, not an impressive showing compared to last season where 23 of those advancing to the third round had both their songs make the top 1500. Also, number one on this list, Josh, would have been the fourth highest on last season’s list behind Holly Henry who did not even have her second performance aired. Making things worse, last season had to compete with multiple marquee albums that come out in the fall, there still has not been a big name album to come out this year so far so you would think it would be easier to chart.

Now it is time some spoilery talk. The Battle Round II preview spoiled almost all the pairing except four, but two of those could be figured out by process of elimination, so there are only two Battles that are completely unclear (but can be assumed because of like genres). Looking at the Battle Round II match ups, some coaches made some dumb matchup because some of the higher iTunes charters are going up against each other. The other coaches may be wise to do some stealing, but I fear they will just go with more fodder. Here is the match ups, I listed who I think will win first and ordered the teams with how confident I am with my picks

Team Adam
Christina vs. Sam (S to Shakira)
Josh vs. Delvin (S to Usher)
Dawn and Hawkes vs. Kat
Jake vs. Brittnee (interesting that Adam would have his two stolen artists going against each other)

Team Blake
Sissaundra vs. Biff
Audra vs. Megan
Jake vs. Tess
Kaliegh vs. Ryan

Team Shakira
Clarissa vs. Dani (S to Adam)
Emily B. vs. Kristen
(Here are the two that are unclear but I am assuming these are the matchup based on similarities; again it will be odd that Shakira is pairing her two stolen artists)
Ddendyl vs. Deja
Patrick Thompson vs. Josh Murley

Team Usher
Melissa vs. Music Box
T.J. vs. Ceirra
Morgan vs. Stevie Jo
Bria vs. Madilyn (S to Blake)

So thanks to Usher and Adam, four of the top seven best selling singers on iTunes this season will be going up against each other. Since Bria is getting a major push (she closed out two episodes including the season premiere which is what I consider the pimpiest of the pimp slots) she is likely to win and despite being montage, I would still consider Christina the favorite in her second Battle (though it is entirely possible she got the Holly Henry treatment this season: heavily featured in first promo, early four chair turning Blind Audition, late Battle Round montage, out in the third round). If that is the case, that means the coffeehouse singer contingent, which has done fairly well on the show, especially iTunes, will be completely gone. Hopefully I am either wrong or coaches actually use their Steals wisely on Madilyn and / or Sam otherwise the show may see another dramatic drop in the rating again this season. I do not think it is a coincidence that the rating went way down the last two season when the coffeehouse singer fan favorites Caroline Glaser and Holly Henry went home prematurely. But the thing is as the ratings tanked the last two seasons as the show went on, the overall view ship stays mostly the same meaning the show is getting progressively older, much like American Idol in its middle seasons. Of course few people, young or old watch that show anymore these days . If The Voice keeps eliminating fan favorites before they can vote for them, they may quickly match American Idols in the ratings sooner than later.

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 3/30/14

Shameless: Good news and bad news for Frank, he is now at the top of the liver donor list, bad news, he had to lose a kidney to get there. But since there are still two episodes left, there may still be some time for him to completely bottom out. But hopefully the episode is a lesson to anyone who thinks about turning to the black market for a vital organ.

The Walking Dead: Wow, we actually got our first glimpse of Terminus and it is not even the finale. I thought like the previous seasons, we would only get a glimpse of the next season’s setting with the last scene. So Maggie and Glen’s groups finally met up and made it there, I am guessing Tyrese and Carol will not be far behind. The big question is if Rick will make it with Darryl’s new buddies hot on their trail. It is probably nice that Rick has a man on the inside of the group. The other big question, will we actually learn what happened to Beth this season?
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Crisis: So the bad guys might not be all that bad as it looks like they are avenging some evil deeds by the CIA. They are just going with the any means necessary to expose the conspiracy instead of simply calling some new media to cover the story.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Crisis on iTunes.

Revenge: There are few things I hate more than the “x amount of time ealier’ place card at the beginning of episode, and Revenge is the worst at doing them because almost everyone makes you think Emily is in dire straits but by the time the scene plays out at the end of the episode, it always turns out that was her intent the whole time. So I knew as soon as we say Emily storm out the opera, she planned the whole thing, and yep, she planted the news of her fake pregnancy.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Voice: I am a big proponent of the Steal and in fact I am going to go ahead and take credit for the idea after pitching the idea during season two. Unfortunately except in the few rare exceptions (Amanda Brown, Caroline Glaser) the Steals are mostly wasted on fodder for the next round. I did find it interesting this season coaches started complaining when their talent did not receive a Steal. Shakira looked generally shocked that nobody picked up De'Shawn Washington (it seemed to me that she only picked Dani because she assumed DeShawn would get stolen). Then Adam physically got out his chair to call Usher an idiot for not stealing Alaska & Madi (Adam, maybe you should not have wasted a Steal on Jake Barker). I would have like to have seen one of the coaches steal both arists and I am not just saying that about the latter because Alaska looks like a combination of Selina Gomez and Victoria Justice (okay, I am mostly saying it because Alaska looks like a combination of Selina Gomez and Victoria Justice).

Both times, Usher explained his lack of a Steal on “waiting on something specific.” Then he stole Music Box. Yes, the same Music Box you missed if you blinked during her montage. Yes the same Music Box who was on the losing end of the worst battle that actually showed this season (which was hard to choose because there multiple stinkers this season which again makes me wonder just how bad the six montaged Battles were). And Usher followed that up by Stealing another female RnB singer who lost a lackluster Battle. So was the something specific that Usher was looking for were singers who had no chance of upsetting one of his original singers in the Battle Rounds II?

As it usually is with the Battle Rounds, there were none that I would classify as great and really only two that I would even call good, both that happened this week. There was the cuteness overload that was Madilyn Paige and Sam Behymer who had a breakout moment during her Battle. The rest this season ranged from average to why was this not montaged. At least now we can move onto the Knockout Round. Oh wait, those have been replaced with the Battle Rounds II. Ugg. Can they just montage the whole round and move straight to the Live Playoffs? Wait, the Playoffs are no longer live? Double ugg.


You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download songs performed this week with the widget at right.

How I Met Your Mother: For an entire season that took place on the weekend of a wedding, they sure skipped over the actually ceremony fairly quickly. I think Marshall and Lilly’s wedding got more screen time this week. Not that I am complaining, ever wedding should fly through the ceremony to get to the open bar.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

The Blacklist: When the old guy showed up as Ivan, I thought to myself, this old dude is the big hacker? I was expecting some teenager. It turns out I was on to something because Ivan was just a patsy. I actually liked that the villain of the week turned out not to be some supervillian that crossed path with Red and was instead just a lovelorn teenager. More importantly, Lizzie finally found out about her husband. And he was found out by some silly elephant instead of fingerprints I figured were left behind since he did not have time to destroy all incriminating evidence. But he has to know that is the case so it will be a little silly if he stickls around next week as if nothing happened.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Blacklist on iTunes.

Castle: Wait, Captain Gates has a family? Who knew?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Justified: When Boyd continually insisted on smoking despite not actually being a smoker and being in a non-smoking room, I knew something was up. Did he sneak something sharp in the box? Did he poison all but one of the cigarettes in the pack? Nope, he packed it with explosives. Awesome. But the bigger news of the week: Kendall shot Art? Okay, it is obvious that he did not do it because his story did not line up with what we saw. Now the question is just how will Raylan prove that Daryl was the actual triggerman. I am guessing Wendy and Dewey will have something to do with it.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Cagayan: Ugg, someone seriously quit to keep themselves punching someone, how lame. How about pulling yourself out before Cliff Robinson gets booted?
You can stream recent episodes on cbs.com. You can also download Survivor: Cagayan on iTunes.

The Americans: I could never be a spy (or healthcare provider) because there is no way I am wiping another dude after they go to the bathroom. I would just sooner untie him and hope he does not attack me.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

Hannibal: I guess I was a little off guessing that Hannibal may keep Beverly alive in his torture basement. I was also completely wrong that it was Hannibal that killed the bailiff. But I guess it is still probable that Hannibal killed the judge.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Hannibal on iTunes.

I go Back Again, Fall off the Train, Land in His Bed, Repeat Yesterday's Mistakes

Poor Shakira, during her first season on The Voice no one wanted to join her team and ended up with arguably the worst team in the history of the show (though Christina Aguilera’s first and third season teams were just as bad). Though better this season, she is still looking at a last place finish. More importantly, the first single off her new album did not really set radio on fire despite having the biggest radio star of the last five years Rihanna on the track. But other than Maroon 5, none of the coaches on The Voice have gotten much of a bump from the show (at least in terms of pop radio, Blake Shelton is still ruling country radio but still lacks a crossover hit). Christina’s album bombed, Cee-Lo’s Goodie Mob comeback was met with a resounding yawn. Ironically many of the guest performers get a good boost after appearing on the show; Robin Thicke shot to number, and Christina, despite not being able to kick start her own career on the show, managed another hit via guest spot on the show with A Great Big World. Granted it is possible Shakira will get the big break when she performs the song on the show (but will Rihanna show up for anything short of the finale which is still two months away).

Granted the reason why Can’t Remember to Forget You is not a hit is most likely has less to do with some sort of The Voice coach curse and more with pop radio itself. If you listen to a top radio station you will hear mostly watered down EDM or folk rock songs (or in the case of Wake Me Up, both). Soul is making some inroads thanks to Aloe Blacc (getting some Wake Me Up rub) and Pharrell Williams (who has been placed in multiple advertisements in the last couple month). But it is very hard for different sounds making it on to pop radio. Case in point Lorde released Royal in March of last year but it did not become a hit until the fall. So it is not very surprising, even with Rihanna’s name attached, that the ska-rock from the nineties vibe of Can’t Remember to Forget You is having a hard time breaking through even with a music video that could have passed for softcore porn when ska last had a moment.

But at least you can easily classify Can’t Remember to Forget You, second single Empire is much harder to pin down. It definitely has an epic, rock tinged power ballad feel to it, but more Céline Dion nineties type power ballad than eighties Bon Jovi type with weird auto-tune in the chorus. And there may be the problem with Shakira. (yes, the album title has a period in it) it tries to be everything at once. She tries to cram Latin, pop, rock and many other sub genres into the same song. Instead of the songs sounding eclectic, they just come out sounding jumbled. The worst case is the duet with Black Shelton which adds country to her musical jumbo which finds Shelton singing lines like “p-p-p-p-popping the pills.” Blake duet with Christina Aguilera was significantly better.

But these genre mash-ups are not all jumbled messes, when she infuses some reggae into Cut Me Deep which features some Canadian reggae band named MAGIC! (yes their band has an exclamation point and all caps and no I will not be making a Snow joke), it turns into one of the better tracks on the album. Another standout is the new wave meets rock sounding Spotlight (which was actually written with the same Nashville based team that also co-wrote the Shelton assisted song but not nearly as embarrassing). And showing that less is sometimes more, the acoustic 22 is better than most of the overproduced songs on the album.

Song to Download – Cut Me Deep

Shakira. gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 3/2314

Once Upon a Time: So if Regina and the witch are sisters, does that make her the Wicked Witch of the East? She surely is not Glinda.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Shameless: Oh no, there is a female Carl. This probably will not end well. And by not end well, I mean it will end awesomely. But is a shame that Fiona finally realized she should have given up the drug addict brother to get herself off. I have a sinking suspicion he is going to help get her job back at Cups Inc. despite how irate his sister is. It is the least he could do.

The Walking Dead: What the Frack just happened? We all knew that Lizzie was going to go off the deep end eventually but killing her sister so everyone can see that dead can come back and not be evil? Not cool. And the episode just ended up being one big homage to Of Mice and Men, heavy on the mice and low on men. She even murdered rabbits a couple of episodes ago. That was when Darryl and Beth walked by the carnage and it seem safe to assume that the billow of smoke they saw was from their moonshine cabin. When Tyrese came upon the Grove, I actually initially thought maybe it was going to be the same funeral parlor.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Crisis: I was not expecting much from a show that prominently features Rachael Taylor as a law enforcement agent (and an American one at that since she still has yet to master the accent yet). But it was surprisingly entertaining in a best case scenario for a network ripping off Homeland kind of way. You had two pretty good major plot twists (there would have been a third had the promos not already told us that one of the Secret Service guys was bad). Surprisingly the relationship with Taylor and Sully is compelling along with the father / daughter which got even more interesting especially with the plot twist. Though we probably will not see them paired off again, the Secret Service newbie and the fat kid’s time together was probably the best part of the premiere. The show could go off the rails like Homeland, and even quicker, but I was at least intrigued by the start.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Crisis on iTunes.

Revenge: So to cure her loss of time, all Emily had to do is be near drowned to remember some horrible memory. Ugg.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Voice: The first week of the Battle Round reminded me of the Blind Audition, there was a lot of cool song selection (the underappreciated Melanie Fiona song, the okay to appreciate now Steve Winwood song, the rare actual duet sung during the duet stage of the show) but the performances were just lackluster. There were three Battles (Jake vs. Lexi, Stevie Jo vs. Jake, Delvin vs. Caleb) where I would have been content if both singers when home. It just makes me wonder just how bad the montaged battles were that they were not shown over the clunkers that were.

The most notable event did not happen on stage but via press release when the show announced another change to the show because no two seasons can be the same. The Knockout Rounds are gone and are replaced by The Battles: Round Two which, as the name suggests is just like The Battles: Round One but instead of the coach picking the song, the duet partner performance will perform an agreed upon song. And instead of individual coaches for each or none at all, Coldplay’s Chris Martin will serve as the Key Adviser for all teams. And yes, The Steal will be returning, one for each coach.

Unfortunately it was also announced that the Instant Save will be also returning. But this time the bottom three will get a Last Chance Performance (which I assume will be like season two) before a small portion of the internet decides on which one advances. One more small change, the Playoffs will not be live this season, which means the coaches will trim their teams from five to three and American will not be voting until the top twelve this season.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download songs performed this week with the widget at right.

How I Met Your Mother: Wow, they sure were able to get a bunch of guest stars to comeback for that parking lot montage, who even knew Sally Draper’s teacher was Blah Blah?
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

The Blacklist: It has become more clear that they should not do a Ressler-centric episode. That was just bad. At least we got a bit more about Tom’s secret life. Note to everyone out there, when someone tells you not to make a call because they will kill you both after you hang up, do not make the call, or at the very least do not turn your back on the guy.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Blacklist on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: I was excited for the “Ali Tells All” episode thinking we would finally get song ago asked questions answered. I quickly realize there was plenty that even Alison does not know like she does not know who tried to kill her. But considering that her mother tried to cover it up, that pretty much has to mean that her brother is A, right? Who else would she lie to the police for? Erza knows who A is except he was shot before he could tell anyone. I would rather he die than learn who A is at this point. But knowing this show, Ezra will probably pull through but have selective amnesia after surgery.

It also seemed like the writers forgot their own mythology. I could have sworn that Ali and Melissa’s husband taped their rendezvous in the woods with it ending with Alison saying, “I know you want to kiss me” before the camera hit the ground and she was dragged away. And how did Jenna and Garrett figure into that whole night? I thought they did something with a shovel but it has been left vague. Did they have something to do with Spencer’s shovel? Oh well, maybe we will get an “A Tells All” episode in a season or four.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Justified: When the promos hyped that Danny would attempt the 21-Foot Rule on Raylan it was pretty obvious it would not end well for Danny. But I could have never guessed that it would end up that way. Even though it exceeded my already high expectations for the scene, I am still slightly disappointed that after three teases we never got to see Danny attempt the 21-Foot Rule. But on the bright side: holy Dickie Bennett sighting! It has been way too long. The show figured out a way to get Dewey out of prison, it is a shame they could not do the same of Dickie. But it was nice to see Dickie completely selling out Dewey in hopes in getting sent to Club Fed. I am still hoping we will finally get a Dewey / Dickie in jail spin-off. You can now add the Harris brothers to that cast. It will probably be much better than Ava’s Caged Heat storyline.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Cagayan: Right before this episode it seemed that some of my early favorites were on the chopping block so I hoped the merge would put them in a better position (and hopefully in the same tribe and in an alliance). But unfortunately Morgan looks to be back on the bottom and even worse Cliff Robinson got booted ruining the Clif Robinson and Wooooooooooo buddy comedy. It is amazing after how poorly they performed, The Brain tribe is sitting the prettiest as the other faction implode on each other on the two tribes. One of the Brains could actually win this season, possibly even be the final three, if they finally live up to their names.
You can stream recent episodes on cbs.com. You can also download Survivor: Cagayan on iTunes.

Community: Just like the second Paintball episode, the second Dungeons and Dragons was not as great but still pretty entertaining, especially with the triumphant return of Hector the Well endowed.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Hannibal: Oh Abigail Hobbs, at least you still survive in Will’s fever dreams. I wonder if anyone else will show up in those eventually. It seems like Beverly will be available. Though it is very well possible that Hannibal keep her alive down in his dungeon and that is what Jack was doing there at the beginning of the season.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Hannibal on iTunes.