57 Channels and Only This Is On: 3/30/13

Once Upon a Time: The scene back from the last commercial break may have been the most absurd thing ever aired on network television. First off you had Pinocchio die from a taser, c’mon, how does someone made of wood be harmed by a little electricity? But of course before he died, he was able to crawl out of the police station utter a couple nonsensical words before going to the big wood chipper in the sky. But since he died trying to help someone (and failing at that), the blue fairy was able to turn him into a real boy (again). And by real boy, an actual ten year old who apparently has no memory of the past twenty years. So Pinocchio gets to live even though he helped no one. In fact they are in more danger because of him.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Revenge: What a weird way to wrap up the foster brother storyline. Why not to tell Amanda your plan the whole time?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Walking Dead: I guess it is surprising Merle made it this long. He probably should have never made it off the roof. Or out of Woodbury. Or in a prison with Michonne. But it became pretty clear that it is a worse punishment not to die, because instead of putting a bullet in Merle’s head, he sentenced him to a life of a zombie. That may have been the most evil of all of the Governor’s evil deeds.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Shameless: So Jimmy has had two years of med school and only one more to go? Since when did becoming a doctor only take three years? I thought it took ten.

The Voice: If there was any question to if the new judges could successfully replace the former ones, it was answered when Shakira pulled out her English to Country dictionary. And Usher had a very entertaining moment when he called Nashville a state despite being born in the same state where the city resides. Even though the coaching panel turned out to be solid, I was a bit worried with the talent on the stage after the first episode because all the contestants were petty lackluster including the weakest four chair audition in the Morgan Sisters. Things turned around the next day (no pun intended, okay, maybe a little) with two artists that deserved all the coach’s button pushes in Midas Whale and Sarah Simmons, both who ended up on Adam’s team making him the early frontrunner (not to mention the Michael Jackson backup singer he picked up a day earlier who I found overrated; Judith Hill is no Amanda Brown). And they really amped up the sob stories this season between the dead bandmates and dead children (made worse by no one turning around). Of course there some absurd sob stories. When you look like a cross between Amanda Seyfried and Emma Stone and the worst thing that has happened to you is getting teased about a snaggletooth, you probably should not be singing Mean.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download songs from The Voice using the widget at right.


How I Met Your Mother: I would have liked this episode much better if the chopped off the last five minutes. The only way the ending could have been more depressing would be if they played a Ryan Adams song during it. And no, I will not tell you the ingredients of The Scooter McGavin alcoholic beverage that I created back in college because I am paranoid someone with plagiarize it. That and I may have forgotten the ingredients because I drank too many Scooter McGavin’s in college.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Castle: When we saw Ryan at home I thought, oh goodness, I have zero interest following that guy home. And then he went and got himself slapped by a mobster. Unfortunately the rest of the episode was not as entertaining as him getting slapped.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Go On: Between this episode and Cougar Town, I am beginning to wonder if there ever was a time when Courtney Cox was ever funny.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Go On on iTunes.

Justified: It became pretty clear that Colton would not make it to the end of the season, most likely at Tim’s hand, it is a little surprising he got gunned down before the finale (was this Tim’s first on screen kill in the series?) Which makes me wonder who will they kill off in the finale, or how many? Mike O’Malley cannot possible survive after threatening the life if Raylan’s unborn daughter. And will Theo Tonin finally make an appearance or will they be saving him to be the big bad of season five? I cannot wait to find out.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: Apparently Philip did not learn that much from Boston Rob because I image Rob would have cut Corrine lose last night. He would have at the very least given Michael the boot because Corrine was cozying up with him. And splitting the vote was silly. If Michael or whatshername actually had the Idol, they would have played it last week. It is a shame that a Favorite is going to win because these are some of the most inept players in the history of the game.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Philippines on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 3/24/13

Once Upon a Time: Well that was the most boring Groundhogs Day homage ever. At least they let us now Ethan Embry was the young boy by the end of the episode because it was pretty obvious who the young boy would grow up to be. But this begs the question, is has his father remain in suspended animation like the rest of Storybrooke all this time or is old enough to join AARP now? Presumably he has been hanging out in the dungeon Belle was all these years.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Revenge: So much for no more distractions. Now Emily has multiple distractions between her foster brother and whatever Jack is up to.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Walking Dead: The show really does not know its audience when it does an Andrea-centric episode.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Shameless: The sad thing is, I do not think Frank becoming a gay icon even ranks in his top five most offensive scams.

House of Lies: Wait, did Clyde actually develop a conscience? He would be the last in the pod that I thought would feel bad that he orphaned a kid.

Vikings: When the previews showed the Vikings invading English speaking countries I wondered how the show would deal with the language barrier. Two episodes later and the answer is a resounding not very well. Sometimes they both speak English and not understand each other and this week they have both parties subtitled and not understanding each other. They should have just kept the Vikings speaking English and just have the English speak Gaelic or some other dead language. But I do like the new relationship between Ragnar and the priest. He is a much more interesting foil to Ragnar than the Earl is.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Vikings on iTunes

How I Met Your Mother: If Barney’s bed was not supposed to be an homage to Remote Control, I am going to go ahead and pretend it is.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Dallas: With the reintroduction of Gary Ewing and his wife, you have to wonder if TNT is toying with the idea of a Knot’s Landing reboot.
You can download Dallas on iTunes.

Deception: Not The Killing bad, but I am still a bit disappointed with the killer’s reveal. I long wrote off Robert because I could not see him killing his own daughter after the lengths he went through to keep his son out of jail. And we still do not know why he killed her. Ugg.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Deception on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: I have predicting since the beginning of the show that Allison was still alive and later she was under the red hood despite her body being identified, and this is the closest thing to a confirmation with both Hanna and Mona seeing a not so dead Allison pulling them out of the fire. But I am not totally convinced what they saw was indeed Allison. But if it was, then were the other time the Liars saw Allison in dream like sequences, like when Aria was being drugged by her dad’s girlfriend, or when Emily was trapped in the barn when she was looking for the psychiatrist? And if Red Hood did not start the fire, does that mean Jenna, Melissa and the random lesbian who showed up last week (is she just a stand in because the actor they wanted was not available?) did do it? And is the start of a war between The A-Team and what I would like to coin The Dukes of Hazard (the second best television show of the eighties) with the Liars caught in the middle? And what the frack was in the trunk? Or should I be asking who?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Justified: When it was shown that Drew skipped down on the 4:30 train I tho9ught why did Raylan not go with him instead stay in the principal’s office where he could get gunned down by Tonin’s thugs. I realized quickly that was a stupid question because of course Raylan is going to stick around and taunt Boyd and Tonin’s boys because he is Raylan Motherfracking Givins. If there is a hard way to do something, Raylan is going to do it. And that ended up being the best scene in the episode. Well that and Constable Bob getting beat to the sounds of Love Train. Actually, now that I type that out, I realized that was an awesome foreshadowing.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: It is hard not to think of Laura’s plea to her tribe two weeks ago saying they should keep her because strength would not necessarily translate to wins and you never know when there would be a twist. The next week the Fans lost the Reward Challenge even with Douchebag #1 and Douchebag #2 and were gifted Immunity when Brandon Hantz went, well, Brandon Hantz. Then the very next week, they switched up the tribes and now Sherri is stuck on a tribe with four Favorites and the only Fans with her are Douchebag #1 and Douchebag #2. Speaking of Brandon, all he had to do was keep it together another day or two and he could have joined up with some Fan in a new tribe either vote Philip out or be in a tribe with no Philip. But that is not the Hantz way. And it is interesting that Douchebag #1 and Douchebag #2 managed to be on a tribe with the two on the outskirts of the Favorite tribe which makes you wonder if they stay loyal to the Favorites or jump ship. But after the challenge, they may never have to make that decision.

I do not know what was more surprising: that Special Agent Philip Sheppard admitting he never went to college, what exactly are the requirements for the FBI, or Julia spoke for the first time and was not voted off. I pegged her as the token contestant this season that does not get any screen time until the episode they are voted off. Maybe that will turn out to be Brenda this season. One more thing, Corrine’s love for gay homosexuals really bordered on creepy. I was really hoping that after one of her numerous comments on the subject the camera cut to Michael, who I not even remember up to this point even talking about his sexuality, who would say something like get this crazy chick away from me.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Philippines on iTunes.

Subugatory: This season has not been as entertaining as the first mostly because they have chosen to focus too much on the adults (the show needs more Dalia) but it was almost worth the extra old people storylines just to hear George’s rock version of Bump N' Grind.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Suburgatory on iTunes.

The Americans: Well that was an interesting plot twist with Philip all but asking Elizabeth for a divorse. Although I do not agree with him that the KGB would agree with him that it would be okay because they are not really married in their eyes to begin with so there is no need to get a divorce. But as they slowly become more American (Philip even faster), I have to wonder at what point, if ever, do they switch side like suggested in the premiere.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 3/10/13

The Walking Dead: One thing I really hated about Lost is that they would set up something, forget about it, and they finally pay it off long after everyone stopped caring. That was the case this episode when Rick finally ran into the dude who saved him in the series premiere. This meeting should have happened late in the first season or early in the third. But it was still one of the better episodes in the show as Rick finally met someone crazier than he is, but you got to love all the booby traps that crazy dude set up for the walkers and the barely living.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Shameless: I was wondering when Karen would pop up again. I figured after Lip gave her a call it would not be long. Though I cannot image she will stick around that long after learning how much it will take to care for her son and just let the grandparents fight over him.

Vikings: It dawned on me about half way through the episode it may not have been the best idea to do a basic cable version of Game of Thrones set in the real world. But the “This season on” package did leave me intrigued so I probably give the show another episode or two to win me over.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Vikings on iTunes

House of Lies: I never thought anyone could ruin a Kristen Bell Sex Tape, but they somehow managed to do that. Thanks House of Lies.

Switched at Birth: It is brave to try an all ASL episode, but I think it could have been better conceived. I thought maybe they would have a national day of silence in protest of the closing of Carlton. Or maybe follow a day in the life of Daphne or even Emmitt for a day. The way they did it seemed a little to force to avoid any spoken dialogue.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

Dallas: It does not really mattered what happened in the first fifty-nine minutes, something about a silly car race, and the third Ewing brother made his first appearance in Dallas in about three decades, all that matters is the two gunshots that ended the episode. Any other show, it may have been in bad taste to murder off the character of an actor who died in real like, but in the case of Larry Hagman, it seems like a fitting tribute to send off J.R. Ewing with a murder mystery considering Who Shot J.R. was one of the biggest storylines ever in the history of television. I am sure next episode we will get a fitting tribute, but after that we will start for the hunt for J.R.’s killer. Since he was (supposedly) half the world away when he was shot, that rules out everyone in the main cast unless there was a time jump we are unaware of. Your probably have to put Cliff Barnes at the top of the list (but would he be so brazen, as the promo monkeys would have suggest, show up and taunt the death of his rival at his own funeral after killing him). Could Sue Ellen’s sister, who originally shot J.R., come back to finish the job? Um no, it turns out she overdosed and drowned in a pool during the original run. But maybe her son, Christopher finished what his biological mother started. Maybe Gary showing up in Dallas was not a coincidence. Or to tie it back into the modern day version, maybe one of Vincente’s buddies are set to avenge his death.
You can download Dallas on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Well that was a completely random and completely shoehorned in celebrity cameo. At least tease that it would be possible that Missy Franklin could be A, put her in a red coat or something. But even worse, are they actually going to let Ezra teach again… in high school? What, what?!? Apparently even the principal knows something went on, how could he let this happen? Why will Ella work with a dude who sleeping with her high school daughter? These are the worst administrators and parents ever.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

The Lying Game: So the dude in the black hoodie had to be Thayer right? Everything points to either Rebecca or Alec being the one who killed the one dude and kidnapped (and looks also killed) Teresa, but could Thayer be behind it the whole time? But then the question is why.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Lying Game on iTunes.

Justified: Where most law enforcement shows are about who did it, Justified has almost always been a show where we knew who the criminal was early on with the show being much more about the chase. So it is not surprising that the show would unveil its first real long mystery with three episodes to go, maybe it is surprising they did not reveal who Drew Thompson was earlier. Although some could argue that they revealed that Sherriff Shelby was Drew last week when his conversation with Ellen May made it so obvious that I assumed it was going to be a red herring. So now Raylan, and Boyd and Theo Tonin, have three episodes to hunt down Drew. Oh, and Boyd has extra incentive to find him too because it looks like he took Ellen May with him.

It was surprising how funny this episode was considering it came in the wake of Arlo death. The shootout between Constable Bob and the white collar criminals was hilarious, Art’s tirade the kicked off the episode, Raylan still had his trademark wit, and of course all of Wynn Duffy’s reactions were priceless (I bet he did not think a federal agent would be making a house call with a federal prisoner). I was also surprised that the preacher’s sister finally reappeared and it did not involve her teaming up with Ellen May, instead she teamed up with Tim. Is Gutterson finally going to get some love on the show?
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: What a crime against humanity that the Fans voted out the three hot chicks right in a row. And it was completely short sided to get rid of Laura now, she definitely had the better argument in that you cannot trust Fratboy #1 or Fratboy#2 if they switch things up and keeping them will no way guarantee winning any challenges (and it was hypocritical of the Fratboys for saying they needed to keep a stronger team yet voted for Shamar, probably the strongest person on their team, twice in a row). And more importantly, how do you vote off the three hottest chicks in your tribe in your first three Tribal Councils? I am beginning to worry about the longevity of Andrea now.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Caramoan on iTunes.

The Neighbors: I feel bad for Jackie if the only song she has found on the planet Earth has been Semi-Charmed Life.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Neighbors on iTunes.

The Americans: Holy frack, Felicity just beat the crap out of Mags Bennett!!! Did not see that coming. I did see that they were being interrogated by the KGB, that was pretty obvious, it is way too early to for the United States government to be on to them (I will be surprised if that happens sometimes before the season finale).
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

King of the Nerds: A couple weeks Jeff Probst did a podcast with Chuck Closterman when Chuck asked Probst if Survivor rewarded mediocrity. His reasoning was simple: all the weak players get eliminated first, and then all the strong people get voted off after the merge, leaving the mediocre to win most seasons. I could not help think of that conversation while Celeste got crowned King of the Nerds. Going into the finals I thought Genevieve would sweep the vote, she was her team’s leader and won three Nerd Off’s while Celeste did not have one signature moment on the show, but mediocrity was awarded (two people weirdly mentioned Celeste’s “growth” as the reason for voting for her). Yawn.
You can download King of the Nerds on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 3/3/13

Shameless: When Papa Milcovich called in “The Russian” I thought, uh oh, those boys are in some real trouble. Nope, the Russian was just a prostitute brought in to sex the gay out of them. And that did not even rank in the top two most offensive parts of the show this week. Number one would be having sex with your mother-in-law while your wife gets you aroused because a turkey baster did not work. And then there was Frank holding his clean urine in his mouth for who knows how long.

House of Lies: I used to think the pre-teen stripper routine would be the most offensive dance sequence from Little Miss Sunshine would be the most offensive dance I would ever see involving kids, but now Roscoe and his posse takes the top spot. Congratulation… I think?

How I Met Your Mother: I really hope that some savvy producer saw this and realizes it is about time for a Weekend at Bernie's reboot (something I have pushed for the last couple years). Maybe even Judd Apatow who would go ahead and have Jason Segal play the Andrew McCarthy role (though it would be better to have someone like Seth Rogan take on Jonathan Silverman part instead of Ted Mosby). Then just bring in Jim Carrey as Bernie. It is a surprise no studio has yet hired me to run their reboot department.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Dallas: Only the Ewing’s would know the best way to overcome armed thugs would to fake(?) a fight with each other.
You can download Dallas on iTunes.

Bunheads: It was a little weird that after an entire episode about a group of girls thinking about losing their virginity, they choreograph a big dance sequence around Makin' Whoopie. And for those not sure what the difference between boys and girls, the girls plan for weeks, if not month or years, like in the episode, guys just want it to happen anywhere with anyone, preferably as soon as possible.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.

Castle: Not as cool as Liam Neeson’s “skills” speech, but I liked the French dude’s speech to the microphone on the wall. Too bad he turned out to be a chicken and had to die. And we finally got to meet papa castle (shame on the promo monkeys for spoiling that reveal last week), it was teased a couple seasons ago that he worked deep cover. And really, if Stana Katic ever got bored with the show, I would not a mind a Castle and Castle spy spin-off. Or throw in Alexis and make it Castle Cubed.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Deception: I really hope that it does not turn out that Julian’s booty called turned out to be Vivian’s murderer. That would be as dumb as Rosie Larson’s aunt accidentally killing her.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Deception on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Plaster all those annoying phrases with the pound sign on the screen as much as you want, I do not believe that was Toby out in the woods until I see a face. I am more inclined to believe that was Detective Waldon under the cap. But my favorite part of the show was when Hanna pushed the cop car into the lake. I was really hoping that it would sink about a foot before she realized that lake was not deep enough to cover an entire car.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

The Lying Game: I am not surprised Ted would place flowers on the grave of someone who is blackmailing him, but I just do not see him as a murderer / kidnapper. I have a feeling it will turn out the Ted feals responsible for the death, he just did not do it himself.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Lying Game on iTunes.

Justified: Wow, they actually killed Arlo off. And what a way to go… out fighting but hanging on long enough to tell his son to kiss him somewhere unsanitary one last time. Awesome. So if you had Arlo in your Who Is Drew Thompson Office Pool, you may want to stop planning your cruise you were going to purchase with winning (which is probably for the best). Granted Arlo was always the least likely to be Drew. So that leaves (or the people we have seen this season) the three white collar criminals that Boyd is shaking down and Sherriff Shelby. But I do not know why they are spending so much time having the ex wife looking at pictures because wouldn’t Drew have had copious amounts of plastic surgery by now? Wait a second, could Wynn Duffy be Drew Thompason?
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: I wonder if there was some heavy editing during the Immunity Challenge because why did they let Fratboy #2 to continue to try to throw the hook and keep missing when Fratboy #1 got it on his first try, and Shamar was also able to get it fairly quickly. But his inability was never brought up (which makes me think that it was heavy editing). Speaking of creative editing, I think it may have been some foreshadowing editing that Andrea talks about not telling the wrong person her plan to oust Corrine followed by her telling Brandon the plan. Did she not see his season? He blabbed his alliance’s secrets, what made her think he could keep a secret by someone he hates: i.e. absurdly attractive chicks.

Poor Shamar, he dumped on throughout Tribal Council, and probably rightfully so, but he was right in his memory of his conversation with Hope and all she had to do was just vote for Fratboy #2 and she would have stay. Granted it would had been awesome if there was a three way tie, and after a revote, a two-way tie which would had led to another revote.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Philippines on iTunes.

Modern Family: The neo-folk revival of Mumford and Sons have gotten so big that even Alex Dumphey is in a knockoff band. Actually I would not mind hearing more of the Eclectic Light Dorchestra.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Modern Family on iTunes.

Nashville: I feel as if I just complained about this, but what chick really gives guys, “I am sorry someone close to you just died” sex? C’mon, this just does not happen. It was almost as weird as Dan Auerbach of The Black Keys showing up for Deacon’s birthday party to hit on Rayna fresh off her divorse.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

Community: It may be a long slog to the inevitable death of this zombie show, but at least we got to see Annie in an Octoberfest costume before it was thankfully put out of its misery.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

King of the Nerds: As a stats nerd, I have to call shenanigans. The probability is astronomical that every time someone had a clear advantage (like Moo in both challenges this week as a NASA employee) throughout the show has lost. Every single time. Either the show is playing up the strengths of each contestant or there is some manipulations going on behind the scenes. As for a prediction for who will win next week, I am going with Genevieve.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 2/24/13

Once Upon a Time: Wow, eyeless girl was creepier than anything on The Walking Dead this week. Although will Mr. Gold be willing to get rid of his grandson just because he will be his downfall? Stupid question, this is a guy who let his son slip through a portal alone just to keep his powers.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Revenge: It was pretty obvious that the person at the bottom of the boat would turn out to be the evil dock guy, but I never would have guessed that he would take Amanda down with him. After she had Jack’s baby, I assumed she would be here for the long haul of the show. Hopefully this inspires Emily to get back to taking people down again and stop with all this slow and boring cooperate espionage that has gone on this season.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Walking Dead: I thought crazy Rick stopped after he realized he was getting phone calls from beyond the grave. Ugg. And all the zombies that came out of that delivery truck might as well all had wigs on because that was essentially a clown car.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Shameless: Of course child services shows up at the most chaotic time ever on the show. It will be hard for to get the Gallagher’s to get out of this one, but I have a feeling the inept worker will help them out inadvertently or not. And can you really get pregnant with a turkey baster? I always that that was an urban legend.

House of Lies: Uh, oh, Veronica Mars went on a blind date with the Hearst rapist this week. Hopefully she will be back next week with all her hair.

How I Met Your Mother: I am too lazy to even bother to think about it, but I am pretty sure the show has done the three stories from three perspectives before, probably multiple times, and it it gets less interesting every time. With that said, I kind of want to watch this episode again just to see of Barney’s Austrian king actually shows up in the background somewhere.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Switched at Birth: I had the new girl pegged to be a mole, she was acting a little too weird, but I would not have guessed that she would turn out to be the opponent’s daughter. But will Toby be able to use that to his father’s advantage?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

Bunheads: I did not think the show could top the weirdness Istanbul dance from last summer, but I think they may have done so with the dancing miners.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.
2 Broke Girls:

Castle: I was going to take this time to make numerous Taken jokes, but the promo monkeys already beat me to it with the previews showing an upcoming Liam Neeson joke. Hurmph.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Do people in the suburbs really have shower / spas like that in their homes? I defiantly need one.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Go On: I am really ready for Simone to go back to wherever she came from.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Go On on iTunes.

Justified: The video that Jody made for Raylan (with the aid of Paul Kinsey!) was so entertaining I will completely ignore that he really never had the time to make said video (or how implausible that basically every episode this season so far took part in less than a week). Also the show could use more Jackie Nevada. I take her over Ava, Wynona, or the barmaid from earlier this season. If you cannot get enough of Nevada, I highly recommend Raylan the book (see my review here), this episode is basically the end of the book, except there was no doubt if Raylan got any. Then again, in my experience, whenever a girl leaves the bathroom door open when she takes a shower, it is a sign she wants you to join her. Okay, that has never actually happened to me.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: I really like the trend of people outing other people at tribal council who have a Hidden Immunity Idol. I do not like the trend of people claiming that they are going to use said Idol but keep it in their pocket. I also do not like how the “Player of the Week” commercial is almost always spoilery. When both Laura and Douchebag #1 (not to be confused with Douchebag #2 whose name I also have no desire to learn) were up for the award, you knew they were going to do something but they did nothing interesting before then. I am usually good at skipping the ad, but the show really needs to move it to the last commercial break to avoid such spoilers.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Caramoan - Fans vs. Favorites on iTunes.

Modern Family: Holy Bud Bundy sighting! T is a shame that it took Al this long to get his son some work.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Modern Family on iTunes.

The Americans: It is weird watching this episode with all the paranoia that the Russians were behind the shooting of Ronald Regan when we now know that some crazy dude did it just to impress Jody Foster (I hear she’s currently single). I guess the closes thing similar that I can think of was when the power went out here and most of the northeastern part of the United States right after 9/11 and everyone thought it was another terrorist attack, but just turned out that our power grid just sucks. And a decade later, they still have not fixed it.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

Community: I am now convinced the new showrunners are just fracking with us between the Stockholm Syndrome attempt and Luke Perry and Jennie Garth ruining Inspector Spacetime. This is going to be a long final season.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

King of the Nerds: It is weird that for a show entitled King of the Nerds, that there is only one guy that remains even though the game started out with more guys than girls. I guess it may not be all that surprising that a bunch of male nerds would get flustered with chicks around, losing ever head to head gender battle in the Nerd Off. Now will the chicks band together to make sure Ivan (like when Parvati won Survivor) or with the self implode and let the guy win (like that season with Eliza)? Actually come to think of it, has there ever been an all male final on Survivor? (Researching… It has happened three times out of twenty-five seasons; five were all female)

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 2/17/13

Once Upon a Time: So Jack of the beanstalk fame was a chick? Alrighty. About as realistic as watching Hurley trying to run. I also like the promo monkeys making it sound like the reveal of Mr. Gold’s son is going to eb a shocking reveal as anyone who has watched has already figured out that his son is also Henry’s baby daddy.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Revenge: It is common knowledge that the second season of the show just is not as entertaining as the first. I would argue that the Jump the Shark moment was when it was revealed that it was not Daniel who died as witnessed during the series premiere but the Rent Boy instead. And it looks like the show is going to pull that cheap storytelling again this season as it was teases that Jack would end up at the bottom of the ocean at some point but will not actually pull it off as I bet the evil dock owner is the one that will end up dead. Hurmph.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Walking Dead: So after coherently invading Woodbury and successfully saving Glen, Maggie, and then Daryl, Rick is bat-ish crazy again. Yep, seems right. Welcoming back The Walking Dead.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Shameless: Just when you think the show has run out of new ways to offend the audience, a third Malkovich child shows up with an extra package. Apparently nothing came out of Frank calling child services a couple weeks ago, but I am beginning to think maybe a representative should start showing up on set.

House of Lies: I try to avoid anything that involves Matt Damon and got tired of actors playing a douchebag version of themselves a long time ago, but this may have been the most entertaining episode of the show yet.

Switched at Birth: Is it wrong that I started yelling “Deaf Fight!!!” during this episode? Please do not answer that, I already know the answer.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

How I Met Your Mother: Just when you think this was going to be another episode where the writers beat an already not very funny joke into the ground, out walks Mike Tyson. Well done writers, well done.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Dallas: I wonder why Ryland and his mother are perpetrating Bobby lie that he shot him. Does Ryland actually not remember and his mommy told him who shot him? As much as they hate Anne, why not let her rot in jail?
You can download Dallas on iTunes.

Deception: O wow, I was actually right that the dude from the John Laraquette Show was actually Mia father. And now I am beginning to think he killed Edward’s one night stand to have leverage over the Bowers family. But even if the statute of limitations of statutory rape runs out after five years, would accessory to murder still get him jail time. I may just have to move him up on my list of suspect to number two after step-mommy.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Deception on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Huh, it looked like Jason’s flashback was going to show what happened after Mr. Montgomery got threatened by Allison and then Spencer’s sister walked out of her house, but instead of Allison, Jason saw… CeCe? Huh? Maybe it is CeCe is the red coat that is the Master A. And where did Jason go? Unles the Liars are that unobservant that h would just slip by, did he really jump out of the window after falling down an elevator shaft?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Justified: I guess I was not the only one who thought Major Dad was also Drew Thompson. Granted until I see his high school wrestling pictures under the name Josiah, I would be highly suspicious that he still is. But if Major Dad is not Drew Thompson, who is? Since the show like to recycle its guest stars, I have a feeling we have already met him (for half a second, I actually thought that Arlo may be Drew Thompson, but Raylan is too old to not know his father changed his name). Could it be the half naked judge from News Radio? Sherriff Shelby? Constable Bob? Wynn Duffy? Please oh, please let it be Dewey Crowe.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Nashville: I wonder if Gunner and Scarlett ditch Avery’s band just like Avery did. They get wind that Rayna may want to sign them, and no mention of the other guys. I guess with a show with this name, someone needs to stay in Nashville.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

The Americans: Holy Mags Bennett sighting! You knew when Mags showed up in dinner, she was not going to be just some random creepy chick; the only question would be if she were KGB or FBI (or some other three letter agency). It turns out she is the new KGB boss and has no problem killing a chick. But I guess that was the only reasonable outcome (again showing again just how soft the Jennings are getting), with the kid going to his grandparents in Mother Russia.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

Community: Note to the new showrunner: no more Scary Annie please.  It is not brain surgery, put her in highly GIF-able situations.  No need to over-think things when it comes to her.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 2/3/13

Shameless: The show has had some pretty immoral storyline (like this week when Frank tried to scam the Make a Wish Foundation) but they did do something right by organizing a mob to give a beating to a child rapist, a group of people that certainly deserve a ritual beating by the general public. Of course this being Shameless, the perp ended up being a hot chick. But I guess Lip was right that they need scorned too.

Bunheads: I would have absolutely no problem if they shifted the show away from ballet to roller derby. Not at all.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.

Deception: I am ready to fast forward to the part where we learn the mother killed Vivian. She seems like the only plausible person at this point (except maybe the sister in law who looks keen on skipping town).
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Deception on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: So Allison may have been pregnant before she died and may have been killed because of it (and not so coincidently the detective assigned to her murder who is eager to blame it on the Liars happened to be in the vicinity during the conception). Not that I am one to believe CeCe, but an interesting turn of events nonetheless. Not so interesting is Spencer’s spiral this week. Just tell your friends your ex-boyfriend is part of the A-Team and get on with it. And is it not obvious that the key goes to the creepy motel when the A-Team hung out in? That would have been the first place I looked.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Justified: This was an odd episode. No mention of the skydiver plotline and it kind of wrapped up two other plots with Raylan’s girlfriend going into the wind with her husband going back to Florida in restraints. It was even more shocking that they abruptly ended the preacher who I thought would be a thorn in Boyd’s side all season (granted it is probably not completely over with his sister still around and I have a feeling she will reunite with Ellie May at some point). But the sandbag shotgun may have been the greatest invention ever.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

The Americans: I had high hopes for this show after the lackluster offering there was this Fall (the best new show, Last Resort, has already aired its last episode) and though it will under up being the best new show of the season (with all due respect to The Neighbors) the premiere was missing something. I went into the show thinking it would be Justified meets Homeland with Russians. But it misses the subtle humor of Justified (which like The Americans is produced by Graham Yost) and misses the manic craziness of Homeland (though the kids on the show manage to be even more clueless than Chris Brody). And I felt a little creepy seeing Keri Russell get violated multiple times over the course of an hour. I also found it a little weird, and obvious, that the new FBI anti-communism task force member just happened to move across the street (which begs the question, who hangs out in the corner of their garage with a silencer). With that said, I am still on board for a full season. And I have a feeling that the season finale will be the two KGB agents turning themselves in and season two will be them acting as double agents.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

The Big Bang Theory: I had the exact same response Penny had when Sheldon admitted there was a possibility that he may at some point make coitus with Amy at some point.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download The Big Bang Theory on iTunes.

King of the Nerds: Note to producers: during the explanation phase, do not show the actually players scoring because it ruined the suspense of the Nerd Off. If you show the red ball go into the goal and then the pink haired girl gets the red ball we know that she would get at least one goal and would probably win.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 1/27/12

Once Upon a Time: I do not understand why Belle does not remember who Mr. Gold is, I thought if they cross the city line they only forget the fairytale land but still remember Storybrooke. I guess I should not assume that the writers of Lost would remember their own rules. Also, no one cares about Dr. Frankenstein.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Shameless: It looks like we are going to get a power struggle within the Gallagher family as Fiona tries to do things the right way while Lip continues to do it the way the family always has, stealing and scamming. Being that this is Shameless, I have a feeling Lip’s way will win out because I really doubt that Fiona will continue at a loss just to try to dig her way out of her situation. When Frank came back from Mexico I wondered where he landed because he already got kicked out of Sheila’s, his family would not take him back, and the last person he cohabitated with died. Apparently it is back to Shelia’s house, but I still do not see that lasting long.

How I Met Your Mother: Wait, Barney’s half sister is Hanna from Pretty Little Liars? Was this common knowledge? I vaguely remember Barney learning his dad was John Lithgow but I do not remember ever meeting his sister. And how did Lithgow possibly produce someone who looks like Hanna? But I have to admit, I kind of would like Hanna to be the mother.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Bunheads: I do not really care about what happened this week because all I can remember is the promo for next week featuring roller derby. Awesome.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.

Castle: Hasn’t the show already done a Girls Gone Wild episode? Or is it just every other crime show has done one and it just seems like everyone has done one at this point?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Allison was extremely busy on her last day (assuming that Aria was hallucinating and really is dead). She had a sleepover with the Liars, met with that dude who is now dead, had a run in with Jenna and Garrett, blackmailed Mr. Montgomery, and now Melissa is the last person to see her alive. At least until Melissa saw Allison with someone else. I am sure at some point we will learn she had a run-in with Ezra who was not even living there at the time before meeting her demise.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

The Lying Game: I feel a little cheated we did not get a full tennis match between Emma and Sutton, that could have been the whole episode and I would have been fine with it. On the bright side, no more Thayer, he overstayed his welcome a long time ago.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Lying Game on iTunes.

Justified: So it turns out Robert Quarrels’ Detroit boss has been taking some trips down to Dixie because his name interestingly came up during the interrogation scene this week. One thing that is not interesting is the whole snake preacher storyline. I am ready for the to end anytime now.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Parenthood: Those Braverman’s are really a fertile bunch (except for Julia of course). That makes nine grandkids for Zeke (not even including Drew’s mistake). That makes three pregnancies and an adoption in four seasons. I would project Sarah gets knocked up next season, except she picked the dude who went to Minnesota (seriously, who goes from California to Minnesota, the Lakers made the right transition). Maybe Amber is up next.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Parenthood on iTunes.

Nashville: I really liked seeing Rayna and Juliette going at each other on tour these last couple episode, but it is only get better throwing Deacon in the mix… in Juliette’s band. The only way it could get better if they hired both Avery and whatever they are calling Scarlett’s new band as opening acts.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

Last Resort: I guess you really cannot say the ending was rushed because it obviously was as they had to cram an entire series into the last couple episodes. But I am still a bit disappointed we never learned of the conspiracy as to why the president did what he did. Was he just an evil Neo-Con? But it is clear that the that the show would have benefitted had it just been a six episode or so miniseries because it started out strong and came on at the end when they realized it would be canceled, but really dragged in-between.
You can stream recent episodes on Last Resort on iTunes.

Best of the Week - 1/12/13

Quote of the Week: I would like to quote another MC: MC Hammer because when you take the Monet’s and the Mayonnaise, you can’t touch this. Am I right? (Ryan King, Go On)

Song of the Week: It's Oh So Quiet – Bjork (Bunheads)

Scene of the Week:


Big News of the Week: Big Head Barry and the Monsters Never Ever Ever Getting Into the Hall of Fame, Like Ever: In his first ever time on the Baseball Hall of Fame ballot Barry Bonds received only 26.2% of the 75% needed to get elected into the Hall. Other first time ballot players who probably also roided up did not fair any better including Roget Clemons (37.6), Sammy Sosa (12.5). Other notable Big Heads previously on the ballot Mark McGwire (16.9) and Rafael Palmeiro (8.8) actually saw their percentages go down about three points each from last year which does not bode well for the cheaters. It is appropriate that when the three biggest suspected steroid users were on the ballot for the first time that no one was inducted (the first since 1961), thought Craig Biggio, who had the most votes at 68.2% should have gotten in.

Preview Picture of the Week:

Justified "Where's Waldo?" Tuesday at 10:00 on FX

Free Download of the Week: Vangaurd / Sugar Hill Records: The Americana Sessions

New Album Release of the Week: Things I Should Let You Know - Seth Glier

New DVD Release of the Week: The Possession

Video of the Week: When it was announced that the next season of Survivor would be Fans vs. Favorites II I said I would be irate if Kat from One World was not involved. Well consider me irate. Okay, I was irate that night when someone pointed out that the cast list had leaked months earlier. And as bad as the cast looked on paper, Francesca, the first voted off Redemption Island, another season for another annoying Hantz family member, this time Brandon, they actually looked worse in the promo. Did anyone really want to see more of Brenda or Corrine. At least they did bring back the clinically insane Special Agent Philip Sheppard, the clinically idiotic Erik Reichenbach (most famous, well, only famous for the first fans vs. favorites showdown when he gave away his Immunity Idol and then promptly being voted out), and the clinically attractive Andrea Boehlke. Here is hoping the show did a much better job casting the fans this time around.


Next Week Pick of the Week: Shameless, Sunday at 9:00 on Showtime: Even if you do not subscribe, you can still watch the third season premiere thanks to the Showtime free preview this weekend (and thanks to on-demand, you can even watch previous seasons). You can check out my full preview of the new season here.

Previewing Showtime's Sunday Premieres

Showtime is having a free preview this weekend which will include the premieres of Shameless, House of Lies and Californication as well as the television premieres of The Iron Lady and Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1. The free weekend will also offer all seasons of most of the channels current shows ON Demand like Homeland and Dexter. So you can catch up with the shows premiering this weekend and here is a preview of the three shows.

Shameless really out did itself for its second season finale when Karen gave birth to Lip’s baby only for it to turn out to be Asian with Down syndrome. Sheila chose the baby over Karen and so this season Karen is out of the credits (Mandy Malkovich gets promoted to take her place and also takes her place in the gratuitous nudity department too). Oh yeah, and as it turned out Ian was sleeping with Jimmy’s father.

The new season opens up 137 days later just short of Easter (do not bother doing the math, it does not really work out, especially considering someone is home from college for the summer) and no one has seen Frank who has just woken up in his weirdest surroundings ever. Speaking of superlatives, Fiona is now working a job so disgusting I am surprised Mike Rowe did not pop up. And Veronica and Kev’s latest way to get money may be the show’s most offensive storyline yet which says a lot.

At least Jimmy has moved in but do not expect the domestic bliss to last very long as he still kind of have a wife. And speaking of wives, we finally get to meet Kev’s this season. And she does not show up alone. That is not the only unexpected visitor this season because we also meet a third Malkovich sibling who shows up with something entirely unexpected. I would call it shocking, but the only way Shameless could shock anyone anymore would to not do anything shocking.

Shameless airs Sundays at 9:00 on Showtime.


Following Shameless is an all new season of House of Lies which picks up a week after last season’s finale with Jeanie and Marty try to figure out what exactly happened that night during their alcohol induced stupor (they did go shot for shot during the final seconds of the finale). And after Jeannie took down the Rainmaker to save the pod’s life, there is a new female boss. Not that the Pod is still safe under new management. Thematically, there really are no major changes, so if you did not like the first season, you may not like the new one. But for those that like the following show, there is an homage to Californication in the season premiere.

House of Lies airs Sundays at 10:00 on Showtime.


The big news for the new season of Californication is the inclusion of The Token Hot Chick from Lost playing a groupie muse (while the Token Fat Dude from Lost also makes a cameo in an episode). Hank meets her in rehab in the second episode where Hank’s counselor is a familiar face which is also inhabited by a couple famous faces (which unfortunately do not play themselves).

Californication airs Sundays at 10:30 on Showtime.

Best of the Week - 3/30/12

Quote of the Week: We just shot the guy that’s looking to kill the guy you’re dying to see dead. (Art, Justified)

Song of the Week: Zou Bisou, Bisou – Megan Draper (Mad Men)

Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: Trayvon Martin: I am not going to pretend I knew what happened during the shooting like many of the talking heads on television or the internet, but I will saw the Stand Your Ground Law is the dumbest idea ever in the history of dumb idea. It gives carte blanche to anyone who “thinks” they are being threatened, but if that law was ever instituted here I would fear threatened just for walking outside not knowing that someone having a bad day with a gun could take homage of a perceived slight from me.

Preview Picture of the Week:



Free Download of the Week: Pilot - Don't Trust the (Expletive Deleted) in Apartment 23 (iTunes)

Deal of the Week: Save up to 62% on Select HBO Favorites (Game of Thrones, Rome, Eastbound and Down)

New Album Release of the Week: My Head Is an Animal - Of Monsters and Men

New DVD Release of the Week: Eagleheart: Season One

Video of the Week: Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest acoustic metal band of all time is back. Yes Tenacious D are releasing a new album. And for those wondering what the band has been up to since The Pick of Destiny bombed at the box office, this video, complete with Val Kilmer, and, um, Josh Grobin, should catch you up.



Next Week Pick of the Week: Shameless, Sunday at 9:00 on Showtime: A lot went down last week with Karen giving birth to an Asian kid that her mother took from the hospital, Steve Jimmy giving his identity to his wife’s boyfriend, Harry Hamlin got naked, oh yeah, and Monica slit her wrists. All those plotlines play out tonight with some shocking endings (and Hamlin’s appearance proves not to be a one off as Ian runs into him is a surprising situation). And for those disappointed at Fiona’s ability to keep herself fully clothed that last couple episodes, you should be happy with tonight’s episode.