This week I watched four hours of prime time television which is exactly the amount of Survivor I watched last week. I guess there is the writer’s strike to thank for that because many show just disappeared never to be seen again, or at least next fall. Maybe it is because of that strike that there is much less fan fare to the upfronts this week, you can also thank NBC who announced their line up last month. And maybe the strike is to thank for the less than interesting new shows, a list even less interesting than last year, with only one piquing my interest. But anyways. Here is what I’ll be watching next fall:
Mondays
8:00 - The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
8:00 - Chuck (NBC)
8:00 - Monday Night Football (ESPN)
8:30 - How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
9:00 - Heroes (NBC)
At the beginning of last year I thought that Chuck would be the one to out nerd the boys of The Big Bang Theory, but thanks to Sheldon it looks like I’ll be watching the CBS comedies live with Chuck saved to Tuesday. Granted if Heroes continues to be excruciatingly painful to watch, I may end up watching Chuck at that time. But all the scripted television will have to be put on hold when the Cleveland Browns, who got the max number of night games, play their first Monday Night Football game in over a decade.
Tuesdays
10:00 - Eli Stone (ABC)
I haven’t watched primetime television on Tuesday since Veronica Mars
went off the air. And to be honest I may not technically watch it again this year because 10:00 is past my bedtime, but being the most improved show of the year getting better each episode, Eli Stone will be worth watching a day late. Now if only they would sign Dr. Abbott as a regular.
Wednesdays
8:00 - Pushing Daisies (ABC)
8:30 - Project Gary (CBS)
Because of the writers strike, it almost seems like Pushing Daisies didn’t happen. Hopefully they can reboot successfully.
Thursdays
8:00 - My Name Is Earl (NBC)
8:00 - Survivor (CBS)
Just three years ago I watch more television on Thursday than every other night combined; now I’m just down to an hour and a half, an hour less than I’ll be watching on Friday’s. Not that I’m complaining, as it actually give me time to actually productive in real life.
Fridays
8:00 - Everybody Hates Chris (The CW)
9:00 - Friday Night Lights (DirecTV in the fall; NBC in the winter)
9:00 - The Ex-List (CBS)
My sister recently moved and I told her that she should go with DirecTV for her television provider so she could tape Friday Night Lights for me, but alas she went with cable instead. Punk. So if there is anyone in Northeast Ohio with DirecTV, please shout me a holla.
Saturdays, Sundays
I got nothing aside from when the Browns play on Sunday Night Football.
In my schedule above I didn’t talk about the new shows because I wanted to go more into depth here in my preseason top five:
1. The Goode Family (ABC): The latest animated show from the dude who brought us Beavis and Butt-head and King of the Hill set for midseason. Yep Mike Judge voices the head of a family of do-gooders. Speaking of Judge who also does extremely hilarious live action movies Office Space and Idocrasy, be on the look out for Extract starring Jason Bateman which will also be out next sometime year.
2. The Ex-List (CBS): All you really need to know about The Ex-List is that it is produced by Diane Ruggiero who wrote some of the best episodes of Veronica Mars, which is saying a lot. It also co-stars Rachel Boston of American Dreams fame. What makes me skeptical is that it is about a woman (Elizabeth Reaser) who has a year to find her soulmate, which happened to be someone she already dated, or she will be alone forever. Which begs the question, what happens in the second season?
3. I Love Money (VH1): I get typically get physically ill whenever I flip by Flavor of Love, Rock of Love of I Love New York, but thoroughly enjoyed Flavor of Love School Girls: Charm School and openly hoped they would do another season pitting them against Bret Michael and/or New York castoffs. Well someone over at VH1 must read the 9th Green because they just announced an elimination style show with physical and mental challenges including my boy Midget Mac.
4. Project Gary (CBS): This may be a episode by episode thing because it doesn’t seem that interested but does star Paula Marshall (Cupid) and Jay Mohr (Action).
5. Dollhouse (FOX): This should be higher on the list, but it got bumped to the bottom because I won’t be watching it. I won’t be watching it of course because it won’t last a month. For an extended reason why I won’t be watching Dollhouse check out Fool Me Once, Shame on Me; Fool Me Ten Times…
Speaking of Cupid and Veronica Mars, I noticed that it, along with the other Rob Thomas produced Good Behavior, were conspicuously missing from the ABC schedule. But anyways. For a complete grid of next fall television check out Ain’t it Cool News. You can also watch clips of the new shows here.
Idiocracy may not be a word you have ever heard before but all you really need to know is it was conceived by Mike Judge, the mind that brought you the subversive Beavis and Butt-Head
and the brilliantly funny Office Space
as well as the watchable King of the Hill
. The plot of the movie is pretty ingenious as Judge notices that dumber people are breeding at a higher rate while the smarter people tend to wait, sometimes to the point that it ends up being too late. At this rate, Judge theorizes that this will lead to the dumbing down of America that will make the Paris Hilton-obsessed of today look like Rhodes Scholars in comparison.
The story starts off in present day with your average Joe, quite literally as his name is Joe and he is completely average in every way, in Luke Wilson (Legally Blonde
) picked for his averageness for a military experiment to see if they can keep soldiers alive for future wars. Since they didn’t have a comparable female in the army, the military pays a pimp Upgrayedd (played by Scareface whose Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta was hilariously used in Office Space) to offer up one of his ladies in Maya Rudolph (Saturday Night Live).
Naturally the experiment goes bad when the main guy behind it ends up in jail leaving no one to know about it. And it is not until the Great Garbage Avalanche of 2505 until they are jarred loose from their sleeping chambers into a world that is run by corporations, the Congress is now sponsored by Pepsi and the Secretary of Defense mentions Carl’s Jr. in every sentence because he gets a fee for it.
It is because of the anti-corporate message that you probably have never heard of Idiocracy as the movie was released by 20th Century Fox, whose parent company News Corp is one of the worst offenders of greed trumps morals philosophy (also displayed in their television division as I mentioned in Fool Me Once, Shame on You; Fool Me Ten Times…). Judge may not have helped things when he depicted Fox News anchormen of the future on air wardrobe as no shirts for the guys and bikinis for the woman. Nonetheless the braintrust at Fox with their hurt feelings decided to only give the film a limited release, no trailer, no ads, no press kits, and the film wasn’t even screened for critics to review.
The morons of the future, in true Judge style, are what makes the movie. Dax Shepard (Let's Go to Prison
) is Joe’s inept lawyer and the one who tries to help him to the Time Machine that could get him and Rudolph back to present day. Stephan Root (Dodgeball - A True Underdog Story
) is your future judge, Justin Long (he’s a Mac) is your future doctor, and Terry Crews (Everybody Hates Chris) is your future president, Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho, while Thomas Hayden Church (Ned and Stacy) is the CEO of Brawndo, a Gatoraid type sports drink that now is delivered to all the drinking fountains instead of water.
Certainly anyone who has found enjoyment in Judge’s past work will love this movie as well. But be warned that the future is scary and you may wonder at the rate our country is going that it will really take 500 years for a show called Ow, My Balls! to be the highest rated show on television. And I not even sure how to explain the Oscar winning movie that year, you just need to check out the DVD to get the full effect of the film.
Idiocracy gets a ![Terror Alert Level: Severe [RED]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidjcsCV5I3jWQDVTcnVoXbArSx3kHl02FZ8FkOHBBKP2w8mQulcCF614SIw1GjuB2JtKV2YcQOKXtMlnW2ulLSOvYvvXzDwZ3JF4Mlh0Dt2nfEL1oGLh0sk7O-GRHWbCPvJmMMKg/s400/small_severe.png)
on my Terror Alert Scale.
In a story I broke yesterday, MTV turns twenty-five today, not that you would learn that from watching the channel as they are too busy showing a mini-marathon of Real World:… um, actually I have no clue where they are this time around. Shouldn’t you be on the wrong side of thirty before being ashamed of your age? But anyways. Yeah, it’s been decades since the channel has shown videos on a regular occasion, and you may not remember due to all the trash on now, but MTV has had a few great shows like the Unplugged series, Remote Control, Rich Girls, and even the Real World didn’t suck in it’s pre-Chicago days. But for my money, the best show was the one the featured the only two high school students even more dumb than the cast of Laguna Beach, Beavis and Butt-head. So in honor of MTV’s birthday, someone’s got to celebrate, the boys will be the first television show inducted into the Scooter Hall of Fame.
As the legend goes, the show started after the Mike Judge cartoon appeared on the weird collection of animated shorts, Liquid Animation. This particular short introduced America to the greatest inventions to sports since fantasy sports, frog baseball. Shortly there after the duo got their own television show. When Beavis and Butt-head first aired, I was definitely smack dab right in the middle of their target demographic. I, like most f my male classmates, watched obsessively and discussed at length the next day in the lunchroom, quoted every line, did the laughs, but were drew the line at burning down our mobile homes (thanks dude who did that which forced MTV to push the just to 11:00 just because you are a moron and your mother was too lazy to be a parent).
There were many classic episodes in the cartoon’s run, my favorites being the time they weren’t allowed to laugh, anytime Cornholio made an appearance, the time Butt-head choked on his chicken (huh, huh, I wrote choked on his chicken) then Beavis had to perform the Heimlich (he, he, I wrote Heimlich), the time the boys had to buy jockstraps but all that fit were eye patches, when Bill Clinton came to speak at Highland High, and many, many more. But the highlight of every episode was when the boys would sit down and watch, mostly obscure, music videos. I doubt Rob Zombie would have had a career had Beavis and Butt-head not made fun of a White Zombie video.
Another great part of the show was when the boys would dream about being other people, most notably when Big Daddy Butt-head stood in for David Letterman with Beaver as his Paul Shaffer. And the secondary characters always added to the show, my favorite being Major Buzzcut, but you were sure to get a laugh whenever Principal McVicker, Mr. Van Driessen, or the dude with the Winger t-shirt.
Unfortunately Mike Judge eventually got bored with his imbecilic creation and pulled the plug on Beavis and Butt-head after their movie was released so he could focus more on the less funny King of the Hill, although we did get the brilliant Office Space in the post-Beavis and Butt-head era. Another unfortunate postscript to the show is it looks like we will never get season sets from the boys with all videos included. Instead it looks like the three set Mike Judge collections (the third and final one being released today) will be as close as a definite set that we will get, well until in about five years when MTV and Judge want to suck even more money out of fans. I’m sure I will break down and buy this collection in the near future (hey Christmas is only five months away, hint, hint.) So happy birthday MTV even though the only music shown on you channel nowadays is the soundtrack to crappy reality shows, and congratulations to Beavis and Butt-head for being inducted to the SHoF.In honor of Beavis and Butt-head's induction, I compiled a bunch of my favorite clips over at my sister site, Scooter McGavin Takes Pictures.
Finally my constant emails have been answered and now I can actually download my favorite episodes of Laguna Beach into iTunes. Okay that opening was a bit of sarcasm but sadly for those that can’t get enough of the drama, MTV, along with Comedy Central and Nickelodeon, are starting to put up selective show in iTunes at $1.99 an episode. It should be interesting to see if any of the shows sell well because these channels are known for showing the episodes ad nausea. If someone misses The Gauntlet 2 tonight, are they really going drop two dollars when the show will be repeated about twenty times before the next episode air? And most of the shows are already available on DVD and I’m not sure who would want to buy a specifics episode instead of buying a whole season of the show on DVD except if you are a fanatic of someone who was Punk’d. Comedy Central actually seems to try to combat that by having episodes of Drawn Together up on iTunes days before they debut on the channel. Here’s a list of new shows available threw iTunes (to access, click the SNL ad in the sidebar and click on the TV Shows tab)
Comedy Central:
South Park Seasons 1&2
Drawn Together Seasons 1&2
Best of Comedy Central Stand-Up
Nickelodeon:
Spongebob Squarepants Season 1
Dora the Explorer Season 1
Zoey 101 Seasons 1&2
MTV:
Beavis and Butthead (selections from the Mike Judge Collection vol. 1)
Laguna Beach Season 1
Wonder Showzen Season 1
Gauntlent 2
My Super Sweet 16 Seasons 1&2 (possibly the worst show ever to air on TV)
Jackass vol. 1
Punk’d Seasons 1-3
The N:
South of Nowhere Season 1
Speaking of iTunes I was surprised last week when I opened up my feed that tells me what the top 25 most downloaded songs were when it had multiple songs by people I’ve never heard of. So I opened up the music store to investigate only to find all of the songs were part of a made for TV musical on the Disney channel. Over a week later, half of the top ten downloaded songs are still from the soundtrack, and as a whole, High School Musical Soundtrack has had a stranglehold as the number one most downloaded album. I think it’s safe to say the music business is still in a downswing if a made for TV musical from a cable channel is dominating thing. For those interesting in discovering real music, iTunes is offering a video from The Today Show of new artist KT Tunstall who has an album, Eyes to the Telescope, coming out next Tuesday. It's somewhat hard to find, but if you wait in the main music store page, there should be an ad that comes up at the very top of the page.
The MTV Video Music Awards have come and gone this year. A lot of cool thing that happened this year, but much like last year, there was not a defining water cooler moment again granted I was at the water cooler today gushing over the return of Beavis and Butthead. Diddy was your host and he didn’t suck as bad as the Wayans Brothers yet he came no where close to Chris Rock, Dennis Miller or even Arsinio Hall. And why has no one pointed out the Diddy has adopted the name of a cheesy rap song from the early 90’s yet. Am I the only one who remembers that song? “Do the diddy if you won’t do me cause damn I can see that you want me.” But anyways, here are some of my highlights from the show:
Pre-Show
- So there was a car show of the pimpest rides on the pre-show with Green Day’s car from the Holiday video stealing the show. But can we retire the word “pimp” as a positive adjective. Let’s not forget a true pimp is someone who forces women to sell their bodies for money. This is a word that should ever be glorified.
- Also part of the car show was Ludacris who drove in a custom Louis Vuittan car. Did I miss something; I thought LV was for chicks. Any guy I see with LV gets mocked thoroughly.
- The Game also rolled up in his car. Although the commentator called him just Game. So what is it, “The Game” or just “Game?” Did he drop the "The" like Diddy dropped the "P?" I’m just a corny old white dude; I need help figuring these things out.
- MTV apparently has a new fashion consultant, Coltrane. Just what MTV needs, their very on Joan Rivers critiquing clothes.
- During the pre-show, they were hawking a new Madonna concert DVD. Is there anyone who would actually spend money to see a 40 year old lip-sync?
- Okay, it seems that Houston is the new hot rap city, but after hearing the medley of Houston rappers perform, I think it may be time to move to the next city. Topeka anyone?
- Yes, those were Ice-T’s wife’s nipples you saw. Brings back fond memories of Rose McGowan.
- John Norris was heard asking everyone who is going to win the big prize but would always interject, “A lot of people say Kanye will take home the big one.” John, actually you were the only one who was saying it.
The Main Show
- Odd choice with a Green Day performing a relatively low key Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Not quite as good as my suggestion.
- Yes that was a teleprompter you saw in Diddy opening “performance.” He comes out to Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Relax, Diddy is the only one who loves the 80’s more than VH1. And for those keeping track, that’s the second gay anthem that Diddy has associated himself with, Diana Ross’ I'm Coming Out.
- The opening itself was cool, but reminded me too much as a mini version of the Olympics ceremony. The water theme was also cool, especially how they transitioned the video nominees.
- Winning the Carrie Fisher Award for hot chick that has fallen the quickest goes to Lindsay Lohan. She just gets uglier and uglier. Someone buy her a Big Mac please.
- Interesting to mix up the Best Male and Female Videos together. Kanye West and Kelly Clarkson win, okay mash-up artist, it’s time to give that a try. Behind These Gold Digging Eyes anyone?
- Big Daddy Butthead and fire loving Beavis are back. Now where exactly can I vote for them to get back on MTV?
- I have a theory that Ciara is the black Britney Spears. Marginally attractive but shows a lot of skin – check. Limited vocal range – check. Attaches herself to an equally talent less boyfriend – check. Focuses more time on her dancing than singing – check. Make music that makes my ears bleed – check.
- Now I’m a sucker for steel drum, but I was still disappointed there was no Mike Myers during Ludacris’ performance, instead we get some dude named Bobby Valentino.
- Did Diddy really call Orlando Bloom the prettiest person in the world?
- It was nice to see Grandmaster Flash. Too bad it was ruined with a dance off between Diddy and Omarion. Which then led to the biggest surprise of the night, an appearance by Hammer? Hey, anything can happen. And yes, I still know every word to U Can'T Touch This. And thinking about it, I know Hammer wasn't a one hit wonder, but can anyone name another one of his songs?
- Worst outfit award goes to Jessica Simpson weird backless, yet still wearing a bra, French Maid ensemble. She also takes home worst hair award.
- Am I mistaken, or did Alicia Keys wear the same unfavorable, form fitting, dress as last year?
- What was with the dude with Shakira and his guitar? He only strummed it about two times; it was like members of N’Sync performing with microphone. I wonder if the dude was carrying it because he needed to hides something.
- Umm, should I know what clowning or crumping is? My spell check doesn’t even know what the crumping is.
- Missy Elliot wins Best Dance Video. Shouldn’t this award go to a song you could actually dance to?
- Holy Eric Roberts sighting! Nice plug for his step-son’s, Keaton Simons, album and website. Now how exactly do I go about getting my refund that he offered?
- Now typically I rip anyone who lip-syncs, but I’ll let R. Kelly slid on account they he gave the most entertaining performance o the night. And just when I thought nothing could top Chapters 1-5 videos for Trapped in the Closet, Kelly goes and tops himself with a one man show debuting Chapter 6. I can’t wait for Chapters 7-12. Kelly was also seen on the red, oops, white carpet wearing an “I’m Rick James’ Bitch” shirt. I’m sorry to hear that and I sure hope your crack-pipe burns have healed by now R.
- Did we really need to see a naked Sean Combs? Although Kunta Combs was funny. It was nice to see Diddy take a pot shot at half the country when he brought up his Vote or Die campaign. Which reminds me, when is Diddy going to get around to killing Paris Hilton, she didn’t even register to vote.
- Diddy announces that Hilary Duff and Joel Madden are the Jay-Z and Beyoncé of rock. Well except Jay-Z waited for Beyoncé to be well past 18 before they started dating. Now Joel may be the Roman Polanski of pseudo-punk, that might be a better comparison. I wonder what the age of consent is in Florida.
- The Killers are remote from some hotel. Very Miami Vice setting, fitting for the band’s love for the 80’s is only trumped by Diddy.
- Holy Lil' Kim sighting! Shouldn’t she be in jail by now, wasn’t she convicted a couple months ago. Oh, I forgot, she’s famous (relatively), she can show up to jail whenever she want. It’s odd that all the famous guys get off yet the famous females get jail time.
- We are then treated to by an appearance by Big Daddy Poseidon and the Roman God of feces and manure. Seriously, where can I vote to get Beavis and Butthead back on the air?
- Nice tribute to Biggie although it was surprising that they went with lesser known Juicy and Warning instead of smashes like Big Poppa or Hypnotize. And they even censored the line “blow up like the World Trade,” I’m not sure that was needed. He wasn’t even alive for reason they bleeped it for. And as the ten year anniversaries of their deaths creep closer, I’m starting to begin to think that maybe Biggie and Tupac are really dead, not hanging out in Hawaii with Elvis as I previously thought.
- The classiest and least classy people, Common and Johnny Knoxville present together. I shouldn’t have to specify which is which.
- Morbidly Obese Joe presents a medley of Reggaeton artists. That was extremely horrible. This could be to my generation what rap was to my parents and rock and roll was to their parents. I really hate the whole getting old thing.
- Missy Elliot defies conventional wisdom again by winning Best Hip Hop. But then again, this category hasn’t had any credibility since Jennifer Lopez won it.
- Worst Bling of the night goes to Pharrell. This is saying a lot with all the mouth bling the Houston rappers were sporting.
- I wonder why Coldplay is now putting MTF on its piano. I’m not sure many people realized that it stands for maketradefair.com. It was nice to see Chris Martin run up to the cheap seats and get surrounded by a bunch of drunken people.
- Should I know who B5 is? And all they do is present other presenter. Was that really needed?
- Kelly Clarkson wins best pop and walks through the fountain of water to accept the award. I love the gratuitous Gwen Stefani shots after she losses. It almost like MTV was jabbing at her for threatening to not show up is they didn’t let her perform. They didn’t even show any of the Moonmen she won on the big show.
- Not since Andrew Dice Clay has MTV given a comedian air time at the VMA’s for some stand up, and this year they give time to… Dane Cook? Should I know who he is? Actually the guy was pretty funny, especially the part about putting a detonator in your kid. Maybe they should get this dude to host next year.
- The Killers win Best New Artist and for the first time ever, and drummer actually gives the acceptance speech.
- Stefani win best Diddy’s best dressed challenge even though she’s wearing some leopard spot dress out of the Soprano’s wardrobe. Obviously the female population voted for this as is it was judged by dudes Eva Longoria would have won by a landslide.
- Guided Vocal Alert! As I predicted, Mariah Carey’s performance made for a good bathroom break and her little midget showed to move around like an idiot. And if The Lox ever want to get some street cred, maybe they should stop showing up on J-Lo and Mariah songs.
- I don’t know who Paulina Rubio is, but I’m glad she wore that dress. And I like how she kept trying to say the Gorillaz couldn’t be their as the cartoon’s acceptance speech ran behind her.
- Remember when 50 Cent had credibility? His guided vocal performance was quite boring, and then brings out Mobb Deep, who just became hype men. Then come out the winner of the Macy Gray Award for lamest self promotion, Tony Yayo to perform the worst song of the medley. But thing were almost salvaged as 50 went on a tirade against Morbidly Obese Joe with plenty of obscenities making it on air. For those of those not paying attention 50 said, “Fat Joe is a…” um, as Naughty by Nature put it, “It’s another why to call a cat or kitten, there’s five letters missing here.”
- More reasons why My Chemical Romance suck, they are Diddy favorite band. I recently read in Rolling Stone that the group members are pushing thirty. That’s kind of creepy considering that their fan base is moody 14 year olds. Granted Eminem is on the wrong side of thirty and his fan base are 16 year old brats. And on the subject of MCR, is it wrong that I think the dead chick in their video is hot?
- Can anyone explain why Lil Bow Wow and Paris Hilton are still around? This did lead to the funniest awkward moment and Lil and Billy Joe could figure out if they should shake hands, hug, or give a chest bump.
- Did Michelle from Destiny's Child really just quote Fall Out Boy?
- Green Day wins Video of the Year and gets much love from Hammer on their way to accept the award. That should be award enough.
- As for a wet Kelly Clarkson and you shall receive a wet Kelly Clarkson. I wonder if anyone let the audience know they were going to be drench because I saw a few unhappy faces in the crowd. And some one should have told Kelly that when she performs in the rain, she may not want to go barefoot, but then had they done so, we wouldn’t have seen her slip in a puddle.
And then that was it. The surprise performances were Hammer and My Chemical Romance. That can’t be a good sign for an awards show. Also, no one got shot, unless you count Suge Knight who was shot at a pre show. But he was not critically injured and neither Lohan nor Hilton got caught in the cross-fire. For those who missed the show, it’s MTV, they will repeat it constantly for a month. And in response to getting panned over AOL’s coverage over Live8, for those with Broadband, you can see the whole show, plus extras, on MTV’s Overdrive internet channel.
My final tally:
3 of 21 (.143) thought should have won.
8 of 21 (.381) I predicted correctly.
We are just a couple days until the MTV Video Music Award, the pantheon of all award show. I have already given my predictions (We on Award Tour – MTV VMA Nominations) but I did miss one award because it hadn’t been finalized.
Viewers’ Choice
Snoop Dogg w/Pharrell, "Drop it Like it’s Hot"
Green Day, "American Idiot"
Kelly Clarkson, "Since U Been Gone"
My Chemical Romance, "Helena"
Shakira w/Alejandro Sanz, "La Tortura"
Who I Voted For: Drop it Like it’s Hot
Who Will Win: Since U Been Gone
I think the pseudo-punk of Green Day and My Chemical Romance will cancel each other out and Shakira is a non factor, so this is basically a two man race. On a side note, MTV made a game out of the voting this year, check out their website to play/vote.
But let’s be honest, the VMA’s are not about the awards, c’mon, they gave Jennifer Lopez a Best Hip-Hop moonman, the show is about the performances and a platform to give us things like the triumphant return of Pee-Wee Herman, a Van Halen reunion, and Fartman. With last year’s lackluster show, I fully expect MTV to pull out all the stops to make this year memorable. I have already got wind of the first must see moment, the return to MTV of its greatest personalities, Beavis and Butthead. That alone should make up for last year’s flop. Hear are other things you should expect from the performances:
50 Cent – Medley alert! He has yet to have a big hit off his latest album, so there is going to be a medley of 2-3 of his songs. The performance will be very ghetto, but don’t expect too many people around him as most of his posse got arrested recently. The Game will make an apperence, well not actually the game, but some one posing The Game, who will get punked out by 50. And if we are lucky, a gun fight will ensue and Ashlee Simpson and Lindsay Lohan get caught in the cross fire.
Coldplay – They are there to sing Fix You, and there will be the weird light thing that appears in the video, aside from that, don’t expect much else except for a lecture about maketradefair.com.
Ludacris – At first glance, this seems like an odd choice considering Ludacris didn’t really have a big hit this year, or really ever had a cross-over hit. But her is why Ludacris is there: because Mike Myers will show up during his performance as Austin Powers, who Ludacris wax poetic about during his song #1 Spot. Just remember you heard it her first.
Shakira – This will be much like her performance a couple years back, lots of percussionists and lots of booty shaking, but this year it will be to La Tortura.
Mariah Carey – Expect her to sing the new song her new song, Shake it Off. There will be a lot of back up dancers and most like an appearance by the midget named Jermaine Dupree. Like her Movie Awards performance, this will make for a good bathroom break.
The Killers – The big hit, Mr. Brightside will be on the playlist and hopefully Eric Roberts and the Kate Bosworth look-alike make an appearance too.
Green Day – They will be performing the poignant Wake Me Up When September Ends with images from that video playing in the background. I also have a feeling there will be an encore with Green Day bringing out possibly members of the Ramones to take on Blitzkrieg Pop.
Kelly Clarkson – Medley Alert! Since You Been Gone and Behind These Hazel Eyes will both get some airtime, which can only mean Kelly will be breaking stuff while wearing a wet wedding dress. That could turn out to be entertaining.
Kanye West – The early frontrunner to be the best of show. Kanye will be surrounded by his posse, John Legend, Common, Jamie Foxx while performing his latest hit Gold Digger. After the song comes to a conclusion, Kanye will be the original backpack rappers on stage, A Tribe Called Quest, to do their classic Scenario. Don’t be surprised by a Busta Rhymes appearance her too.
R. Kelly – R. Kelly was just recently announced to be performing, I guess it took a while to get the paperwork done because of that whole thing about Kelly needing permission to leave Illinois. My first thought would be he’s would act out the most talked about song in a while, Trapped in the Closet. But then I realized that it would be silly to do just one chapter and doing all five would take up over 20 minutes. And the other songs on the album haven’t actually caught on. So what we will get to see is the premiere of Trapped in the Closet chapter 6, the next in saga.
But none of this may not happen because the VMA’s might debut a new diva down in Miami named Katrina. And even if she is out of the area by Sunday, she may do enough damage outside that puts a damper on the two-hour pre-show. I originally though Chris Martin would start his performance outside and wonder into the venue like the video, but Katrina most like ruined that idea. As for the opening, I think MTV should mock one of their more famous openings and bring out currently the most entertaining rumored couple, Quentin Terantino and Sharr Jackson, make out and announce, “And people said we wouldn’t last.” Now that’s pure humor.
), the previously mentioned Gary Cole (The Brady Bunch Movie
) to the bumbling Stephan Root (Idiocracy
) and even the smaller roles such as the guy that brought an “O Face” into the lexicon. Thank and many other lines from Office Space has had permanent place in my own personal lexicon over the past decade since it has been released. 
