Amazon 2014 Pilots Power Rankings

Amazon Prime started out as a service that would get you free two day shipping for a low yearly price. As an added bonus, eventually they let you steam free content from their site. Sure the content sucked and no one signed up for Prime other than those that wanted the shipping deal. Last year, Amazon dipped their toe into the Netflix market went they put up a bunch of original comedies with the two most well received being picked up to series (but unlike Netflix, you can purchase individual episodes and seasons). The problem was most of them ranged from mediocre to painful to sit through and looked like they were on a webseries budget, not which of something that would rival networks like Netflix’s original programming. Most notable was a serial version of Zombieland which replace Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, and the future Lex Luther for a cast that seemed to be plucked from your local community theater (granted the only good one, Alpha House was greenlighted).

Apparently learning from their mistakes, this crop for Pilot Season was all at the very least watchable and also included two dramas this time around. They even cast recognizable actors in the shows instead of amateurs. It is curious that they released these Pilots the day of the Winter Olympics Opening Cerimonies though it did work as viable counterprogramming as almost everything went on Olympics hiatus (maybe not so coincidently these Pilots were released a week before Netflix’s critically adored House of Cards). And I was able to watch them all between curling matches. Here is how I rank them. (To watch yourself, click on the show’s image to be taken to Amazon Instant Video where you can watch all the Pilots for free.)

1. The After – It has been a while since we have seen anything from Chris Carter. The only thing on his resume after the end of The X-Files is as the producer of The X-Files: I Want to Believe. Of course back in The X-Files days, he was one of the few sci-fi shows on the dial along with whatever Star Trek spin-off was airing on UPN at the time. In the post-Lost era, now every station, network or cable has their own science fiction show (or continue to find one that sticks in many cases). The After features eight strangers (the dude from Heroes, the dude from Leverage, the white chick from Soul Plane, the chick from NYPD Blue, Jamie Kennedy in clown makeup among them) stuck in parking garage at the end of the world. Of course this is not a chance meeting otherwise this would not be a Chris Carter show (a surprise character at the end of the Pilot makes it very clear that it is a Chris Carter show). During the first hours it is hard not to think of Lost (strangers that happen upon something supernatural), FlashForward (this is missing time), and Revolution (power stops working, but not in a stupid way like Revolution). But this is the creator of modern day sci-fi, so this show has the most upside of all the Pilots.

2. The Rebels – This show is basically what Major League would be if they focused on the cheerleader turned widow of a profession sport team except it is the other owners who want her to sell and move the team. But what made Major League great were the wacky characters. The Rebels focus too much on the straight owner Natalie Zea (Raylan Givens’ baby mama) who biggest joke is wanting to change the team's "costumes" and her assistant turned general manager. The best parts of the Pilot are whenever the coked up, monkey buying wide receiver is on screen (well I do not remember if they stated his position, but he is clearly a wide receiver because they are all crazy). If they end up focusing on the wacky locker-room hijacks instead of the boardroom, The Rebels could have the most potential of all the comedies this season.

3. Mozart in the Jungle – Based on the cover image and the opening scenes, this show could easily be mistaken as a drama. There are a few dramas that have more and more effective laughs. Really Gael Garcia Bernal (I’m with Lucy) seems like he is acting in a farce about a conductor while everyone else seems to be starring in a Smash spin-off which goes behind the scenes of a prestigious orchestra.

4. Bosch: Titus Welliver may not be a household name, but if you have watched any dramas over the past decade, you have undoubtedly seen him as he has been in roughly fifty percent of them over the past ten years. Though despite in appearing in about fifty different shows in his career, he has only been in the main cast twice. Now he is the lead of Bosch which appropriately is littered with actors that you will recognize but may not know where from exactly with the exception of Herschel Green from The Walking Dead who is still sporting his post-apocalypse ponytail and straggly beard. Bosch is another cop show (Welliver is the titular character) with a gruff detective that gets the job done. The show starts off with Bosch on trail for shooting a perp while on the weekend he is investigation the murder of a young boy who was buried in the woods. It is clear that Bosch is connected to the case, be it involved himself or maybe he was beaten as a child, it remains unclear from the Pilot. But it feels like I have already seen this show many times before. It is surprising that the show is not already on TNT right now.

5. Transparent – Another comedy in the sense that it is only thirty minutes long, not in that you will spend much time laughing. This one is about three children of a man (George Bluth Sr. himself Jeffery Tambor) who seems to be going through a midlife crises when he calls his children over some big news (like probably most viewers, the children think it is cancer). There is a big plot twist halfway through that makes the title make complete sense. But none of it is funny at all, it does not even seem like it is trying to be funny. Really the only thing the show has going for it is that it looks like it is trying to beat Californication’s record for most nudity in a “comedy” title.

Though these Pilots were a vast improvement over the last bunch, Alpha House remains the best overall.   None this year would make me want to want to subscribe to Amazon Prime, especially if they are going to double the price of it in the near future.