You Do a Haunted Swamp Tour?

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip that started from this bayou port aboard this tiny ship. The guide was a mighty stupid man; the hero was sullen and depressed. Nine passengers set sail that night for a haunted bayou tour, for spirit and ghouls.

The weather started to rain, the tiny ship was stuck. If not for the courage of the hard to get chick the tourist would be sunk, the tourist would be gator food.

The passengers set ground on the shore of this deserted haunted house with the dude from Dodgeball, The Token Black Guy too, an old dude and his wife, the wannabe movie star the pornographer and the chick from Angel, here in the movie Hatchet.

Hatchet bills itself as “not a remake, it’s not a sequel, and it's not based on a Japanese one. Old school American horror.” The problem with old school American horror is that it was basically destroyed by the Scream franchise that let everyone in on the rules of the genre. But Hatchet doesn’t care if you know the rules, if fact you can pretty much guess the death order once the ship sets sail. It is more about the character that have no problem to crack one-liners even as some deformed dude bears down on them and killing them is some outrageous ways which are more Mortal Combat than Saw.

The movie has a horror pedigree having Freddy Krueger, Candyman, and Jason Voorhees (at least the dude who played him four of the eleven (?) times) all making appearances in the movie. The movie is far from perfect, you can’t help but think of Mask when you first see the killer and the ending is frustrating in a The Sopranos, did my power just go out, kind of way. But Hatchet is one of the more enjoyable horror movies of the past decade.

Hatchet gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.