Let the Games Begin

The Olympics opening ceremonies is just basically four hours of Cir-de-Sole type acts filled with similes that relate to the hosting countries that supposable give unwanted history lessons with the majority of the time devoted to watching all the athlete walk into the stadium painstakingly slow while the commentators have to pull useless facts out of the air like the Gross National Product of Liechtenstein. And ever two years I sit and watch every single second.

The main reason I think I come back year after every other year is Bob Costas. After last night I am now convinced that Bob is take shots of something during commercial breaks because his comments become more and more inane as the night goes on. This year he was joined Brian Williams who was the anti-Bob who would constantly bring up all the bad new like how the Dutch athletes are going to be targeted by assassination because of the recent cartoon scandal that started in the nation. And he seemed overjoyed to mention that Torino has the largest Muslim population in Italy. But then Bob would come back and mock the lone athlete from some African nation. And I swear when Bob translates people speaking in foreign language, he’s just making up the translation. I also like how all lone participants from countries along the equator happen to be professors from America. I need to find a lost ancestor that came from one of these countries so I can participate in the luge in Vancouver. Or maybe start up a Haitian curling team.

Even though the games took place in Italy, there was a strange American feel. Most notable when during the march of the athletes they were piping in American disco and 80’s pop hits even prompting Bob to say “If they play Bette Davis Eyes, my night will be complete.” Then for some reason that Bob couldn’t even comprehend, Susan Sarandon was chosen as one of the people to carry out the Olympic flag. Then out came Yoko Ono, because nothing says Italy like Yoko Ono. Then she introduces another of Italy’s greatest sons, Peter Gabriel, to sing John Lennon’s Imagine. Umm, okay.

Even though the games are still early, I think I already have my favorite scandal. Two players have already been banned for positive drug tests. The positive drug tests were caused by ingredients found in hair-restoration pills. How much has that got to suck, not only are they losing their hair, to add insult to injury they are kicked out of the Olympics.