We on Award Tour - 2005 Emmy Awards

The Emmy awards were announced so long ago, I almost forgot they haven’t actually given out the awards yet, but after watching the show. I kind of wished I had missed it. But to be honest I did watch The Simpson and Family Guy while they were on with the Emmys in the picture in picture. I did give The War at Home a second chance during the commercial breaks and it was just as bad as last week (See First Impressions). Well on to my observations:

- We start off with Earth Wind & Fire changing the lyrics to mention different television show. Ironically, most of the show mentioned weren’t even nominated. Granted this was a lot funnier when the Village People opened one of the MTV Movie Awards changing Macho Man into an ode to Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, Psycho (Expletive Deleted). The out of no where, the Black Eyed Peas storm the stage because in their contract with Satan, they are to perform on every awards show. Oscars, you’re next. The best part of this was when the members of both bands ran into the crowd to pick one of the nominees to dance with and the long haired pea started dancing with Raymond’s mom while another totally got shot down by Halle Barry.

- Then our host Ellen comes out for a laugh less monologue. What, they couldn’t get P. Diddy? Ellen brought up that two of the worst disasters in American happen after she was announced to host the Emmy and made a joke out of it. Yeah, that’s not really funny. I read that Pat Robertson blamed Ellen for 9/11 and Katrina. Granted I got this from what can be considered a reliable source (no offence Bob), but if this is true, does that mean that Robertson endorses Arabs who crash planes into building as long as they are protesting gay homosexuals? If so, it’s another reason to hate religious fanatics of all religions.

- Next we have the cast of Family Guy making fun of Desperate Housewives followed by the Desperate Housewives themselves. Wait, cartoons making fun of nominees, where have I seen this? Oh, yeah, Beavis and Butthead at the VMA’s.

- It is extremely disturbing that William Shatner won an acting award. It’s like Jennifer winning a Hip-Hop VMA and Hillary Clinton winning a Grammy. What’s next is Hurley going to win an ESPY?

- The Blue Man Group gave possible the best presentations in awards show history, but I must admit I was a little disappointed that Tobias wasn’t involved.

- And when I thought Veronica Mars couldn’t look any hotter when she was sporting her Madonna wear at her 80’s dance, she topped herself with the leg warmers and sweatshirt over the shoulder look during her performance of the Theme to Fame (click here to download). She gets extra props for not missing a beat even when one of the dancers dropped her. And for anyone who missed last season, if there isn’t a better reason to watch her show, I don’t know what is, well aside from being the best show on television last year. But anyways.

- Taking yet another page out of the VMA playbook they give out best male and female guest star awards at the same time. And to boot, one of them couldn’t read roman numerals. Did he skip fourth grade?

- The best writing awards montage showed exactly why these people should have been nominated. The best was Conan’s speeding though his writes to get to a slow-mo video of himself.

- Letterman comes out to pay tribute to Johnny Carson and this was a lot better than the news anchors tribute.

- Next we had some dude and Macy Gray joined by a choir to do a decent job singing the Jefferson’s theme. My new to top goal is to famous enough in time to be asked to sing the theme to Welcome Back Kotter at next years awards show.

- Winning the Calista Flockhart “I Haven’t Eaten in a Month” Award goes to the chick from Grey’s Anatomy.

- The best part of the night was John Stewart’s pre-tape political commentary, “George Bush hates black (Sabbath).” So Stewart, Letterman, and Conan were all there yet we have to put up with Ellen as the host? Stewie Griffin would have been a better choice to host.

- Of course any Academy Awards show is complete without some old dude who runs the whole thing making an appearance.

- Felicity Huffman is apparently the funniest woman on television. Um, did I miss something? How exactly does this happen? But at least we got to hear the funniest line of the night when Conan said he could finally live out his lifelong dream of disappointing four women at the same time.

- - Donald Trump wins the Emmy Idol. I smell a fix, was Don King involved or something? I would like to say to anyone who actually voted for Trump – You, my sir, are a moron. Now we have to put up with Trump claiming he is the greatest singer in the world for the next five years. Thanks.

- What was up with Hugh Jackman’s beard? Did he seriously let everything grow then shave off only the mustache?

- Lost wins best drama. Ho hum, Veronica Mars was truly the best show last season.

- And because the Emmy loves one last hurrah, Everyone (except me) Loves Raymond sweeps most of the comedy awards. So anyone who wants to win a Emmy, just end your show, you will be a show in. Which is better than the Grammys where you have to die to sweep the awards.


Final Tally
Predicted Correctly: 8 of 22 (.364)
Wanted to Win: 4 of 21 (.190)