After the debacle that was the Bo Bice album, I had sworn off karaoke rejects. Seriously, if you don’t win, you should be forced back to your job at Kinko’s, America doesn’t want you. And it’s not even as if some of the winners were much better, latest seen with the bland Taylor Hicks album. But Katharine McPhee was nice enough to send me a Christmas gift and since fit the mold of the former karaoker that sucked the least, Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, I though I give her self titled album a listen. All three have that girl next door quality but the biggest difference of course is that McPhee lost, and not only did she lose, she lost to the weakest Karaoke winner of them all. Which could explain why Clarkson’s and Underwood’s first album covers played up that girl next door sweetness and McPhee had to go straight to the streetwalker getup with the spread legs. And what is up with the Cher-hair circa the late eighties?
Luckily for McPhee this review isn’t about fashion, but the music. The album itself starts of strong with the cheery Love Story which has that old time block party feel to it and has just the right amount of horns and bongos to it and the back up singers really help the sing along melody. That’s followed up by Over It that sounds like something from a young female sponsored by the Disney Channel in that it catchy in a good cheesy kind of way but at the end of the day it’s the most disposable of all disposable pop. In fact the whole album could easily be mistaken for a Disney album for the High School Musical set with its girl anthems and puppy love songs that never cross the line over PG-13 over watered down hip hop beats.
And those girls are laughable at best with Open Toes quite possible being the dumbest song ever written. It’s disturbing that it took six people, McPhee included, to write an ode to a girl’s favorite type of shoes. And just to clear up a line in the song where McPhee declares, “Cuz I know them boys, they like those open toes.” Um no, no we don’t. You could wear clogs for all we care because most dudes’ eyes don’t bother to look down that far. Dangerous reminds me too much of Nell Furtado’s Maneater, and that is not a good thing. Do What You Do is a clumsy attempt at a club hit but if this were ever to come on in a club, you would see the longest lines at the bathrooms. Well unless maybe if it’s a Middle School dance.
McPhee is most likely at her best during the ballads but one can’t help to think how they could have sounded if they were recorded by other seasoned artist. Home is decent, but it could have been much better had Christina Aguilera got it first. Each Other sounds like vintage Mariah Carey (i.e. pre-Honey) but with McPhee it’s mediocre at best while Mariah would have made it a smash hit. McPhee tries to channel her inner-Whitney Houston on Ordinary World but just can’t pull it off grandeur the song should have at its climax. Neglected is a decent kiss off song, but in the pantheon of post karaoke kiss off songs, it is a distant third behind Since U Been Gone and Before He Cheats. And it is not a good sign when a singer is outshined by her backup singers like McPhee is on the song. But at the end of the day Katharine McPhee is actually the second best post-karaokers album I’ve heard. Take that how you will.
As I stated in my Rules of Engagement Preview, I was torn on the show because it’s from the Happy Madison production company (as in Adam Sandler) but it stars David Spade who I can only take in small doses. The show centers around two couples with Spade as the third, um, I guess he would be the fifth wheel in this scenario. The show kicks off with an engagement which was done primarily because the boyfriend, Oliver Hudson (Goldie Hawn’s son) needed a place to stay and though what better time to propose than the night he moved in with his girlfriend, Bianca Kajlich (Rock Me Baby; you know, that sitcom with Dan Cortese. No? Um never mind then).
With a new couple in her building, the wife in the older couple, Megyn Price (Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector) decides that her and her husband, Patrick Warburton (Emperor’s New Groove), need more couple friends, well on account that they didn’t have any previously, and hilarity ensues. No seriously, this isn’t an idiom, the show is funny at points, including Spade (also Emperor’s New Groove) who is Hudson’s old running buddy during his single days whereas Spade still enjoys the single life. And actually the best part of the first episode was the verbal jousting that Spade and Warburton had. In fact was pitch point in every delivery making some jokes that shouldn’t have been funny work. Granted he wasn’t quite Rockefeller Butts funny.
The weakest link on Rules of Engagement though is the younger couple. Hudson apparently inherited absolutely no comic timing from his mother because it was sometimes painful to watch when he tried to land what should have been a funny line. His television wife didn’t fare much better either. And yeah, it’s only been one episode, but I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to thing of Spade, is his character changing already? Is the nurse going to become a fixture? Just a weird ending with him in the episode.
Verdict: Even though I’m not the biggest Heroes supporter, Rules of Engagement won’t make me switch the channel to catch it. But it is definitely worth checking out on CBS’s Innertube where you can stream episodes with limited commercial interruptions.
In other TV news, Friday Night Lights finally hits iTunes today. And not only is now on iTunes, you can download the Pilot episode for free. So if you have yet to give the show a try, what better way to start than now where you can see it without commercials and without having to pay a cent for it. So click on the name to check the show out or just to watch it again.
Before I get into the big show yesterday, and more importantly the commercials, let me first chastise Saturday Night Live for not resurrecting Da Bears. Even a crappy Da Bears skit would have been funnier than anything else that was on that show. Instead they resurrected another skit the Donnatella Versace Show and instead of bringing back George Wendt they brought back Horatio Sanz. Luckily Lily Allen saved the show otherwise it would have been a waste.
As for the game itself, I would again like to point out that I called the Indianapolis Colts over the Chicago Bears way back in September and was pretty close picking the actual score (I had 27-12 which isn’t that far from 29-17). So screw Miss Cleo, if you want to know what will happen next in your life call me, of course for a small fee. And I have to say that I much prefer the whole Super Bowl in inclement weather thing too, makes the game much more excited. In the first quarter alone there was three lost fumbles, two back to back, and an interception. The only bad thing about the weather was the one camera that was foggy all game, I though I was watching a cheesy dream sequence whenever they went to that camera.
But the Super Bowl is less about the actual game as the other bells and whistles throughout the game. It started off with some Cirque de Soleil stuff. Seriously, can we save this artistic crap for the opening ceremonies at the Olympics? Included in this performance was some dude named Louie Vega, At first I though it was Mambo King Lou Bega. The opening of the Kickoff Show is usually very well produced and this year was no different as the family segment definitely passed the Goosebumps test.
The Halftime Show starts off with the moron Shannon Sharp continually talking about what Chicago needed to do to get back in the game even though they were only down by two points. If you are within a touchdown you are, by definition, in the game. Luckily that ended soon and went to the second best Halftime Show ever (I still have U2 at number one). Seriously how better can it get that Prince singing Purple Rain in the rain? Yeah it could have been better had he sung more of his own songs as we really didn’t need to here his version of Best of Me. But interestingly enough the Foo Fighters recently covered Prince’s Darling Nikki. And even though he’s Born Again, Prince still seemed to get in a very phallic pose during the curtain segment. Miss the performance or like me and want to see it again, check out the videos below , well before YouTube will undoubtedly pulls it:
Now onto the most important part of the Super Bowl, the commercials. Much like recent year, none really stood out. Oddly not that many movies this year as Hollywood usually uses the Super Bowl to roll out its summer blockbusters. Then there was CBS that used about 70% of their ads to promote CSI and Survivor, their two most watched shows. Here’s something I never understand, why networks always promote shows that everyone already watches and not the ones that have low ratings? And I was shocked to learn the Shark is the most watched new show. But anyways. You can watch, and vote for your favorite over at YouTube but first here is the list of ads that flushed 2.5 million dollars down the drain:
1. Mapasaurus - some GPS 2. Car Machine Suicide - GM 3. Heart Under Attack - Beatyourrisk.com 4. Sheryl Crow - Revlon 5. Marketing Department - Godaddy.com 6. Connectile Dysfunction - Sprint 7. Dudes Washing Car - Chevy
And now the best:
1. Robert Goulet - Emerald Nuts 2. Gay Kiss - Snickers 3. Rock Paper Scissors - Bud Light 4. Mouse - Blockbuster 5. Auction Wedding - Bud Light 6. Chad Johnson’s Party - Some Beer 7. Beard Combover - Sierra Mist Free 8. Survive the Workday - Careerbuilder.com 9. Moon Office - Fed Ex 10. Car Crash - Doritos Old Dude - Coke 11. Truck Coming Together - Ford 12. Hitchhiker - Bud Light 13. Federline - Nationwide 14. Slap Replacing Hand Bump - Bud Light 15. Bank Robbery - E*Trade
Quote of the Week: And then you frakked. (Ronnie, Veronica Mars)
Song of the Week: Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer (Played during Eugene’s homosex date, Knights of Prosperity)
Big News of the Week: The Grammy’s are nice enough to give their opening slot to a little known band called The Police. My sources tell me they will be huge.
Theme of the Week: Dudes lie even when they don’t have to. On Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip Tom would have been better off telling Lucy (who definitely cleaned up nicely at the award dinner) the truth, that he was forced on the date. On Friday Night Lights Julie seemed way more upset that Matt lied about the calendar than actually being in it. Even after Veronica Mars gave Logan a free pass he still chose to lie and there is a good chance that the lying will be the one thing she can’t get past. Of course the classic example reared its ugly head again when Clark didn’t tell Lana about his abilities.
Heroes: I try to avoid most spoilers, but casting news if one of the few spoilers I don’t mind but they really ruined this episode more than if they focused the whole episode on Nicki. First it was impossible not to know that Sulu would be Hiro’s father as they have hyped his appearance for over a month now so it was pretty obvious early on that he was the big boss. Also there was no drama in Claire trying to find her mother, the chick from Boston Public, because the preview from last week gave away that ending. At least the third big reveal did come as a shock as Sylar has recovered, although I don’t remember them ever explaining how he didn’t break out earlier when he killed Eden. You can check out this episode with commentary from Greg Grunberg (the cop) and Hayden Panettiere (the cheerleader) over at NBC.com.
Veronica Mars: One thing I forgot to mention during I Like This Show, it’s Tawdry is that why did they bring up the Mexico storyline again. I thought it assumed that the Lilth House did another of their fake rapes that night. Oh and exchanging Mandy Moore for the Aerie Girls: Upgrade. Check out the latest episode of Veronica Mars and Beauty and the Geek over at CWTV.com.
Beauty and the Geek: There is just something wrong with the three least deserving beauties are the last three standing. I can actually feel my IQ drop whenever Megan (I’m a good screwer) or C.C. (Trashy not classy) open their mouths.
Let’s Rob Mick Jagger: With his longwinded suggestion on what to do if the homosex dude tried to kiss Eugene, Rockefeller Butts has vaulted over Parker and Landry as the best new character on television this season. Check out the latest episode over at ABC.com.
Friday Light Lights: How random was Julie hanging out with Tyra? The scene with them at Matt’s grandma, painting her toenails while listening to SexyBack was the most disturbingly entertaining scene of the week. Bonus points to the show for references the Old 97’s (even though Julie ended up not going to the concert). Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.
Smallville: This show is at its best when it is campy and tongue in cheek about the Superman mythology and the first half of this episode was a great example of that. But then there was the shocker of an ending that Lana isn’t having a “normal” pregnancy that Lex isn’t telling her about. It is safe to say that the child won’t make it to see their first birthday, but I have a sinking suspicion that Lana won’t make it either.
My Name Is Earl: There was nothing funnier on television this week than Mr. Giggle-Belly. Nothing. On the other hand, the sex scene was the most disturbing of the week. Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.
Promo of the Week: This is possible the funniest thing I see in a while (even funnier than Mr. Giggle-Belly) and watched it too man times since I saw it over at Give Me My Remote.
Pick of the Week: The Grammy’s Awards, 8:00 Sunday on CBS. Yeah, last year wasn’t really a good year for music, but this is by far the best award show of the year. This year you can expect performances by Christina Aguilera, Beyoncé, Mary J. Blige, the Dixie Chicks, Gnarls Barkley, Ludacris, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Carrie Underwood, and Justin Timberlake with some random chick plus John Legend, John Mayer, and Corinne Bailey Rae take the stage together. Oh yeah, and don’t be late because The Police reunion kicks off the show (had you asked me a month ago what three bands I wanted to see get back together I would have said The Police, Rage Against the Machine and the classic Van Halen lineup; so naturally it was a great week for me hearing all three were getting back together this week).
I’m not sure if I am going to watch the new show Rules of Engagement which premieres this Monday, Feburary 5th at 9:30 on CBS. On one hand the show is a Happy Madison production (Adam Sandler’s production company). On the other hand I’m not the biggest fan of David Spade. Then add that to Monday not being the best time for me as I have a late class and Everybody Hates Chris, How I Met Your Mother, Heroes, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and The (White) Rapper Show already on my schedule that day. Seriously, can’t any network put something worth watching on Tuesdays or Sundays beside Veronica Mars? But anyway. Here is the show synopsis, some promotional pictures (click to enlarge) and some clips from the show:
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT, a comedy about different phases of the male/female relationship as seen through the eyes of a newly-engaged couple Adam (Oliver Hudson, Kate’s brother) and Jennifer (Bianca Kajlich, Boston Public), a long-married pair Jeff (Patrick Warburton, Seinfeld) and Audrey (Megyn Price, Grounded for Life) and a single guy on the prowl, Russell (David Spade, Saturday Night Live). As the five find out, the often confusing stages of a relationship can seem like being on a roller coaster. People can describe them to you, but to really know what its like, you have to take the ride yourself.
For years the British have tried to break into the American market, some that have lived up to the hype (Arctic Monkeys), some have haven’t (The Darkness), but one thing they all have in common is that none have really made any impact stateside. And the ones that are able to score a hit (James Blunt) fall back into obscurity once that one song has run its course. But even though there hasn’t been many breakout stars from England since the second British Invasion back in the eighties, they continue to come, the latest import being Lily Allen. The sassy Brit has seen her album Alright, Still hit the top of the charts across the world except the largest market in the world.
The album was released across Europe back in July of last year and the buzz here in America started coming in not too long afterwards thanks to a mention in Rolling Stone’s Download Now section long before most American’s knew her name and the globalization of the internet with sites like MySpace and YouTube (I mentioned her here at the 9th Green back in October). And anyone who watches Aerie Tuesdays on The CW (and if you aren’t watching Veronica Mars, you should be) have already been introduced Ms. Allen whether you knew are not as her song, Say What You Say, is the song that plays in the Aerie commercial.
After all the hype, we Americans were finally able to get our hands on the full length album and it definitely was as advertised. The album opens with one of the best piss off songs of all time, Smile where Allen ends up getting the last laugh when the guy that broke her heart comes crawling back and she can turn him down this time. She’s not done with the dude as later on the album there is Not Big about, um, well I’m sure you can figure that out and being not big is actually one of the nicer insults slung throughout that song. But the funniest stuff is reserved for her very own little brother Alfie who gets a song named after him where Lily, in true big sister mode, rags on him for sitting around all day smoking weed and playing computer games.
Ladies, Allen has you in her crosshairs too. On Friday Night, she takes on the Queen B’s and Wannabe’s that hang out in clubs and warns them, “Don’t try to test me ‘cause you’ll get a reaction.” Look out old people because you are on her list too because after hearing a list of cliché’s like “All that glitters is not gold” on Say What You Say, Allen shoots back to who she referenced to as a horse with, “What the (expletive deleted) do you know? Just ‘cause you’re old you think your wise.” Her own friends aren’t above ridicule either as seen in the hilarious bonus track on the American release, Nan You’re a Window Shopper, a send up of the 50 Cent song (watch out “Weird Al”). Allen actually shows her softer side on Littlest Things where she actually fondly reminisces on a past relationship that borrows a little too much from Radiohead’s Karma Police at the start of the song.
Allen’s wordplay is refreshing and you’ll spend a good chuck of your first listen going “Oh, snap” at the things to say, the best of the worst being, “Oh my gosh you must be joking me if you think that you’ll be poking me” in Shame for You as well as everything in the stop hitting on me song, Knock ‘Em Out. Plus she gets extra points for being to rhyme “al fresco” during LDN. Every once in a while some British slang seeps in, but unlike most other foreigners (Lady Sovereign), the way Allen delivers them, it more enduring than annoying like when she talks about the filth (cops), and feel free to insert your own Grey’s Anatomy joke regarding the line, “She looks in her bag, takes out a fag, tries to get away from the guy on a blag.”
What sets Allen apart from the long list of white girls ripping off black music (see Fergie, Gwen Stefani, their many copycats) is all in the delivery. Each lyric play off the music brilliantly, thanks in part to producer Mark Rondon. This isn’t more evident than on LDN that bounces along with happy horns and Allen singing “Sun is in the sky, oh why, oh why, would I wanna be anywhere else” in the chorus, but at heart, the verses deal with pimps, crack whores, and hooligans robbing old ladies. A close second is the brother bashing Alfie but the track is backed by an upbeat brass section that wouldn’t sound out of place in a musical.
Want to see what all the hype is about, be sure to check out Ms. Allen tomorrow on Saturday Night Live. Also with all my take about chicks with ugly looking bangs (see Public Service Announcement), if you want to see how bangs can look good on a woman, check out how Lily sports them.
… 2 get through this thing called life. Electric word life, it means forever and that's a mighty long time but I’m here 2 tell u there’s something else… The afterworld. A world of never ending happiness, u can always see the sun, day or night. So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills, u know the one - Dr Everything Will Be Alright. Instead of asking him how much of your time is left, Ask him how much of your mind, baby. ‘Cuz in this life things are much harder than in the afterworld. In this life you're on your own. And if de-elevator tries 2 bring u down: Go crazy.
And with those lines starts the greatest movie soundtrack of all time. And unlike other soundtracks that cherry pick the best from multiple artists, the only one who wrote and preformed all the songs on the soundtrack to Purple Rain was Prince, along with The Revolution who get their first billing on the album, which is why it is this month’s induction to the Scooter Hall of Fame. Even over twenty after the fact, that opening, Let’s Go Crazy can kick start any party into high gear with its infectious beat and sing along lyrics. I Would Die 4 U which morphs effortlessly into Baby I’m a Star is another great dance track that is sometimes lost amidst all the classic songs on the album but still hold up to this day.
But without the classic tracks on the album, there is still one song that stands above the rest, be it this album or the broader range of eighties songs: When Doves Cry. The song actually does a much better time conveying the message of the movie in six minutes than the actual movie does itself. And you have not lived until you have heard my drunken karaoke version of When Doves Cry. The Beautiful Ones is in the same vein as When Doves Cry but instead of family the song deals more with other personal relationships but is just as funky as well as delivered in Prince’s trademark falsetto. Plus “the beautiful ones always seem to lose” is one of my favorite lines to quote. The album closes with the title track which doesn’t get the deserved credit of being one of the greatest epic songs of all time up there with Free Bird, Stairway to Heaven and November Rain.
Aside from being one of the best albums of all time, the Purple Rain Soundtrack is historic in a different way. You can thank it for the Parental Advisory stickers that sporadically pop up on album covers. As the legend goes, Tipper Gore, as in Al’s wife, and her young girls enjoyed Let’s Go Crazy that they kept on hearing on the radio, she decided to buy the album. Apparently Tipper didn’t like her young children hearing the opening line to Darling Nikki, “I knew a girl named Nikki I guess u could say she was a sex fiend. I met her in a hotel lobby (expletive deleted) with a magazine.” Instead of placing the blame on herself for being a horrible parent who didn’t fully monitor her children’s life, she instead got her senator husband to call a Congressional Hearing on the matter which led to the stickers. If only Tipper had listened to the song backward she would have heard the subliminal message, “Hello, how are you? I'm fine, ‘cause I know that the Lord is coming soon. Coming, coming soon” playing at the end of the song.
Prince will most likely be playing one or two songs from this album during the Super Bowl halftime show this weekend even though he said he was retiring his old hits a couple years back. I really doubt the Super Bowl committee signed him up to play the song from Happy Feet. Anyways, it is someone an odd choice to have Prince play considering I believe the last time CBS held the Super Bowl the term “wardrobe malfunction” was coined even though the first “wardrobe malfunction” I ever remember seeing on television was during Prince’s performance of Gett Off during the MTV Video Music Awards. Hopefully this time around he doesn’t have any holes in his pants.
Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. Holy Madison Sinclair sighting! If you haven’t seen Poughkeepsie, Tramps, and Thieves, or you are like me and need to see it again, you can check out Veronica Mars two different ways; first you can download it at iTunes are stream it over at CWTV.com. For those that did see it, let’s start with the most important news of the week, the return of Madison Sinclair and boy has time not been good to her. Serious ladies, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the uber-bangs make you look horrible, just stop it.
But it wasn’t how bad she looked that made me have to scrap my jaw off the floor, no it was the revelation that she and Logan hooked up in Aspen. When she first showed up (and finally realized that it was her) I was fully expecting she was going to turn out to be a hooker. But the Logan thing was way more shocking. And even though we didn’t actually hear it this episode, it is safe to assume this is what Ronnie just can’t get past that was alluded to in last week’s promo. I really can’t blame her because if I were a chick I wouldn’t want to date someone who hooked up with someone that has both Dick and Lamb on her résumé. Granted having sex with Kendall while I was in the very next room would have been a deal breaker for me, but I’m silly like that.
The shocking return of Madison Sinclair aside, this episode possibly had the best one-liners ever when Dick was MIA. Yeah they laid on the Battlestar Galactica references a bit too much (I don’t speak geek, although I’m semi-fluent in nerd) but at least they ended the conversation with the best line of the night, “and then you frakked.” Then Lamb spotting Keith in his sheriff outfit was just another classic scene. And after Keith’s visit to the Lilth’s Girls I’m beginning to think that maybe who Dean said, “What are you doing here?” may not be the same person that killed him and he may have had multiple visitors that night.
As for the case of making the happy hooker not so happy, this was one of the better mysteries of the week and does good paralleling the Logan/Vee relationship where the dude was willing to look past her, um past, as long as she is truthful. And of course we know how that turned out. Plus the scene where Ronnie was searching for the hooker on the escort website with the friends was again classic Veronica. I wonder who the lucky writer that got to do the research for that scene was. But I was a little surprised that Vee seemed sad for the guy for spending all the money on the girl just for her to leave him when she knew that he got money from his term paper business though I loved their discussion about cheating for an Ethics class.
And to anyone who thinks that Ronnie is really pregnant: You, my sir, are a moron.
It’s not even May yet but the best Mother’s Day present was just released today. And if you are a mother, I hate to spoil what you will be getting, but there is a good chance if you don’t get the standard bouquet or chocolates in four months, you will be unwrapping Not Too Late, the latest album from Norah Jones, to complete your set of the singer’s albums. The previous two of which sold an astounding thirty million copies and garnered her eight Grammy Awards solely on the strength of just one hit. Of course back in 2002 the slow jazz feel of Don’t Know Why was a breath of fresh air back hip-pop and pseudo-punk ruled the radio. Well maybe not that much has changed in the five years since.
Norah rarely deviates from her trademark, insomnia curing sound for most of the album. But there are some signs that she is breaking out of the mold and going back even deeper into Americana. My Dear Country does a much better job at making a speakeasy ditty than anything from the Outkast movie set in the same timeframe. Thanks to some cellos and bowed bass Sinkin’ Soon also has an old-time feel to it while at the same time sounding like it wouldn’t have been out of place on the latest Fiona Apple. Even though it still sounds more like her pervious work, The Sun Doesn’t Like You drives along like a summer afternoon. Well maybe drives Miss Daisy along like a summer afternoon.
The biggest change on the album though is that she has a writing credit on all thirteen tracks; for those keeping track that is six more than on her previous two albums combined. And from the lyrics it seems she’s not that happy with titles like The Sun Doesn’t like You, Not My Friend, and Broken. She’s not too happy about our government either as seen in the biting My Dear Country with lines like, “’Cause we believed in our candidate, but even more it’s the one we hate.” Is she talking about Bush? Kerry? Gore? Does it really matter because we always seem to lose either way? The song opens up with the irony that our elections are held not that far away from Halloween.
The war also gets mentioned as Jones plays the role of a consoler for a wife who has lost her husband in the opening track Wish I Could. With some of the political leaning in other songs it easy to assume that Sinkin’ Soon could be a metaphor about the botched post-Katrina cleanup effort. And again, choose your favorite scapegoat to play the captain in the line, “With a captain who's too proud to say that he dropped the oar.” Do we really need Norah Jones on a soapbox? Not really. But no one’s really paying attention to the lyrics anyways, so just put the album on and relax. Well until you pass the album onto your mother in May.
So just how far down do you wanna go where we can talk it out over a cup of Joe and you can stare deep into my eyes like I was a Supermodel. Oops, that’s the opening to The Refreshments Banditos. That’s not to be confused with the little seen Bandidas. Of course the team of Salma Hayek and Penélope Cruz don’t really scream comedy gold. But oddly this buddy flick works being at the very least entertaining. Although this asks the question, if the two leads are female, should it instead be called a gal pal flick? Obviously the name “chick flick” is already taken for a different genre.
The film takes place in the turn of the century Mexico where an evil land baron (is there any other kind), played by Dwight Yoakam (Friday Night Lights, the movie not television show), is doing everything he needs to do get a railroad built across the country. He also did some nefarious deeds to get control of the local banks for us Yankees. Two of his targets include a farmer and the owner of various properties who both get shot by his hand. This leads the daughter of the farmer (Cruz) and property owner (Hayek) to rob the same bank in revenge not knowing the other had the same plan. But under the tutelage of famous bank robber Sam Shepard (The Notebook) they learn to trust each other (don’t they always).
With comedy not being their forte, the girls bring in Steve Zahn (Sahara) to play up the laughs as a clumsy but brilliant criminal investigator (is there any other kind) brought in by Yoakam to catch the Bandidas. Unfortunately Zahn is responcible for the only nude scene in the movie despite the massive amount of cleavage throughout. And it’s that cleavage that helps them take Zahn a hostage not as if any red blooded male wouldn’t willing go with Hayek and Cruz. Hilarity ensues, much of which is predictable and clichéd but the movie still is worth the time f you have an hour and a half to spare.
Quote of the Week: “Listen, I’m gonna break it down for you alright. If you switch over to my side I’ll give you my solemn word of honor I will have sex with you.” “I long to see the sunlight in your hair and tell you time and time again how much I care. Hello.” “Please, stop singing at me.” “Hello” (Rockefeller Butts trying to change the Token Hot Chick’s vote, Knights of Prosperity)
Song of the Week: One Week - Barenaked Ladies (Veronica Mars; see the scene below thanks to YouTube)
Big News of the Week: The Knights are on the move. Starting this week, ABC is switching the funniest new show of the season, Knights of Prosperity with According to Jim so be sure to turn in a half an hour earlier this Wednesday at 8:30 to see if the Knight get closer to robbing Mick Jagger. Unfortunately this conflicts with Friday Night Lights and Beauty and the Geek but all three are available for streaming on their respective websites so no excuses to miss any of them.
This week should be another instant classic when Eugene has to decide whether he will take one for the team when one of Jagger’s bodyguards comes on to him. I’m not sure if this will be a weekly occurrence but you can catch an extra episode this Tuesday at 9:30 featuring the one where the Token Hot Chick gets the guys some self defense training. And you can always check out the latest episodes of the show over at ABC.com.
Surreal Life Fame Games: I’m not sure what I find more disturbing: Brigitte Neilson hooking up with Chyna or Brigitte Neilson hooking up with Ron Jeremy.
How I Met Your Mother: I really didn’t like how they depicted Barney in the past couple week almost humanizing him, but it was nice to see the original Barney back this week.
Everybody Hates Chris: Chris hauling around an egg brought back some painful memories. Needless to say I failed. Luckily there aren’t any little Scooters running around… that I know of. Hopefully I don’t get a call from Montell or Maury anytime soon. Check out this episode at CWTV.com.
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: After a week opening segment, the show gets back into fine form where it is hard to decide which storyline was the best this week, Jordan’s battle with the new VP of Illiterate Programming, Simon battling the new writer, Chandler battling to win the E-bay action, or Ed Asner battling the board. Granted I’m not entirely sure what he and Jack are up to with the Asian deal. Check out this episode over at NBC.com.
The (White) Rapper Show: I loved how the dude from Brand Nubian grilled Jon Brown on that silly Ghetto Revival crap. I guess when you are an entity you don’t need to fully think your catchphrases.
The State of the Union: I peeked in on it during the commercial breaks of Veronica Mars and I love how they show you the name when they do reaction in the crowd shot like it’s the Oscars. I’m just waiting for when one of the networks brings in Joan Rivers for a red carpet before one of these things because who doesn’t want to know where Nancy Pelosi got her pantsuit from.
Friday Night Lights: After the opening scene of this episode, I’m ready to call the Taylor’s the best nuclear family on television. Then I don’t know what was funnier, when coach used the same motivational speech the radio host used or that his offensive coordinator loves that show. One of the great parts about this show is how each character, big or small, is pitch point, but after two episodes, Tyra’s mom is the one misstep. Also two weeks without Landry is two weeks too long. Check out this episode over at NBC.com.
Smallville: Mmm, a superhero who after hit with something then all of the sudden wakes up in a mental institute where the last five years was all a dream. Yeah this was a complete rip off of a season six episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And totally inferior as Normal Again was one of my favorite hours of television ever.
Pick of the Week: Super Bowl XLI - Sunday, 6:25 CBS - Chicago Bears, Indianapolis Colts, Prince at halftime, Billy Joel does the anthem, and the best commercials of the year including one moron who dropped $2.5 million to propose to his girlfriend during the game. If you are like me and want to make a day of it, Road to the Super Bowl starts at noon.
Garden State had to be a blessing and a curse for The Shins. On one hand you have Natalie Portman claiming the band’s song, New Slang, will change your life which is some pretty lofty praise. But on the other hand, it sets up almost unreachable expectations and failed to, at the very least, change my life. Although it has been three years since Portman’s declaration and four since the band has last put out an album and now is set for their biggest release Wincing the Night Away, a title that may come from singer and guitarist’s James Russell Mercer bouts with insomnia which could also be credited to being the inspiration for the opening track Sleeping Lessons.
Whereas most bands would have tried to go more mainstream after all the hoopla surrounding the exposure in Garden State, The Shins not only decided to stay with indie label Sub Pop instead of signing with a major label like many of their peers in recent years, but the ended up making an album more experimental then in the past. Wincing the Night Away is even darker at times than previous album too which, aside from the insomnia, could also have been inspired by Mercer’s house being robbed including the masters of New Slang. In a bit of irony, that song was licensed for a McDonald’s commercial, the money Mercer used to buy the house where the masters were stolen.
It’s not surprising that insomnia is a major inspiration for the album because it is at it’s best when you are listening to it at night with little light as the synthesizers pour over you while you teeter in half awake, half dream territory. The best here is the soothing Phantom Limb, the funky Sea Legs, and the closer A Comet Appears which is the most stripped down song here and a good way to end the album. But don’t expect any song on Wincing the Night Away to change your life, unless you are on whatever drugs Natalie Portman’s character was on during the Garden State.
Every once in a while I get contacted by major marketing companies that sends along some cool news and has even lead to some cool opportunities like giving away a Knights of Prosperity t-shirt to one of you. The latest is for a DVD that comes out next week, January 30th, Flyboys. I don't ever recalling hearing about this movie before, maybe it's a straight to video type deals, but the movie looks right up my alley as I am a big history buff especially when it comes to war movies. Here is the product description, "Inspired by the true story of the legendary Lafayette Escadrille, this action-packed epic tells the tale of America's first fighter pilots. These courageous young men distinguish themselves in a manner that none before them had dared, becoming true heroes who experience triumph, tragedy, love, and loss amid the chaos of World War I. Hang on for the ride of your life!" To commemorate the release of the DVD, they are running a cool contest:
Win the chance to fly in a real air-to-air combat scenario with Air Combat USA! Submit video content, photos or written stories to our special Flyboys MySpace Group!
- Show your respect and appreciation to our American Veterans by submitting photos, uplifting stories (written or video testimonials) to the Flyboys MySpace Group. Highlight your own personal experience, a friend, or a family member who is a Veteran or current service person.
- Eugene Bullard, made history in the Lafayette Flying Corps as the first African-American aviator. As a part of Black History Month, submit written stories, video testimonials, and pictures of how African American leaders (or moments in African American History) have affected or shaped your life.
- Do you know a volunteer who makes a difference in your community (fire fighters, red cross volunteers, etc)? Tell us their story in either in written or video format and why they should be honored.
To learn more about the movie an other contests check the Flyboys Official Online Team. Below are some stills from the movie:
Okay, the title is a little sarcastic because I fully believe that it should only snow on December 24th, two to three inches, and melt by the 26th. Instead it was snowing when I woke up today and the ground was already completely white and it rarely stopped all day netting about five inches so far with a chance of more to come. Yippee. Shoveling today made it twice for this winter which was the exact amount I did the last two winters. What happened to this global warming that Al Gore went on and on about? Do I need to buy a bigger SUV to keep it from snowing again? Should I shell out for a Hummer?
What’s worse that actually looking out your window while the snow piles up is driving through it. I though I would be saved from having to trek all the way out to class tonight because all the snow but the cancellation didn’t come. Is there a worse feeling then hearing all the school closings and yours is the only one missing? I remember in grade school our superintendent had his own snow plow so he would refuse to close down our school system. One time we were out at the bus stop after every other school had closed and he actually drove by with his plow and said school was just going to be delayed one hour while he finished plowing.
But back to driving in the snow, I know all you Sammy Hagars out there can’t drive 55 but when visibility is less than a hundred yards could you please avoid weaving threw traffic like you were part of the Turn Left Only Circuit at Daytona on a clear day in the summer? Seriously, if you have a death wish can you please just put the shotgun in your mouth so you don’t take any innocent bystanders with you? Because instead of getting to your destination a whole two and a half minutes early what you actually end up doing is make everyone behind you late after you bring the traffic to a halt while the police scrap the remains of your car off the highway divider.
There are reasons why the government set speed limits the way they do and it’s not solely to spite you because you are too lazy to leave on time. If you have a lead foot you need something to take your mind off needing to break the law, you can always try listening to Have You Ever Been Mellow, look how well it worked for Dean O’Dell. Personally with all the driving I’ll be doing the next couple months I plan on passing the time listening to my main CD collection, which is already alphabetically ordered, all the way through. After two weeks I have been threw eight albums and is up to the self titled Audioslave album. Maybe I’ll give a prize to anyone who can guess the eight albums I have already listened to. Just a hint, I don’t have any Greatest Hits, Soundtracks, Live albums, or Compilations in my main collection.
Oh and by prize, I mean a pat on the back. And by pat on the back I mean a virtual pat on the back.
Wow, now that was an exciting State of the Union speech. Just kidding, of course I was watching the new episode of Veronica Mars. Although I did flip over during commercials and was I smoking something illegal or was that Dikembe Mutombo sitting next to Laura Bush? That’s pretty random. But back to show that didn’t give you that creepy feeling that if anything were to happen to George Bush or Dick Cheney that Nancy Pelosi would be the president, Veronica Mars. If you missed the episode, head over to CWTV.com where you can stream the episode for free or hop over to iTunes where you can download it. While over at iTunes, check out the Official Veronica Mars Podcast to hear who was supposed to be the “Meat Is Murder” rocker and why the monkey (as in “Touch My…”) looked so familiar from the writers of the episode.
So six week have gone by in Neptune also and Lamb in Lamb fashion was quickly ruled Dean O’Dell’s death a suicide because, well, it’s more work if you have to track down a killer. And how nice of his widow to decide to find out if it was really a suicide not right away, but after realizing she was going to run out of money fast since life insurance doesn’t cover suicide. Of course the bottle of Scotch that the Dean was adamant about saving remained unopened leading Keith to take the case. Although this brings up the question; since the case was closed a couple weeks ago, why is the Dean’s office untouched?
But this episode really wasn’t about the Dean’s death, no, it was more about mocking our lovely neighbors to the north. It’s great to know in a time of political correctness and when someone says something stupid, equally stupid people come out in droves calling for their firing that it is still perfectly okay to make fun of Canadians, eh? I had the watch the scene again people I was laughing way to hard when Ronnie fired up the Barenaked Ladies and the subsequence dance by the girls. Although I was a little disappointed that back in my college years that I never thought aboot picking Canada for the Around the World; put on some Barenaked Ladies, have some Molson on ice and the latest NHL game for the Playstation all while wearing a hockey jersey.
Equally as entertaining was Dick’s idea of a good time even if it brought back memories of random dude’s junk appearing on my camera back in college. This episode actually brought up even more bad memories for me most notably Piz’s soliloquy to Ronnie that inspired her to go back to Logan even though everybody but Ronnie knew it was about her. I don’t even want to count how many times my speechifying moved a girl to hook up wit a dude that wasn’t me. Also bringing back bad memories was when the plant lady complained about the temperature and said, “If you wanted to see my nipples you should just ask” prompting the dude to raise his hand only for the chick to ignore him. Again, that type of exchanged has happened way too many time. Ladies if you offer, you have to come threw with your threat.
Speaking of Vee running back to Logan, may I point out; Vee with uber-bangs, Logan breaks up with her; Vee without uber-bangs, Logan takes her back. Not a coincidence. On more of this phenomenon, check out my Public Service Announcement. But hopefully this getting back together stuff doesn’t last long because Dick is right about Logan when he is with Ronnie, personally I prefer my Logan as an obligatory psychotic jackass. Will hookers be the final straw for Ronnie; or now that Ronnie seems to figure out what Piz’s speech was really about she will finally ditch Logan for good. Whatever the reason, hopefully it happens. Those two characters are much more entertaining apart.
My Way out Theory of the Week: Professor Landry did it. This is way out there in that it is too obvious. Maybe this mystery will be less about who did it like previous one, but instead how they did it and got away with it. I’m really rooting for this after the scene with Landry and Keith in the bar where Keith tried to get some sort of confession while Landry just swatted him like a fly. Them playing this cat and mouse game for the next couple episodes could be more entertaining than your usual who-done-it style.
Long before Puff Daddy morphed into Diddy with forty name changes in-between, there was Johnny Cougar who is better known today as John Mellencamp. Unlike Puffy, who name changes may be to avoid being associated with his last failure of and album, Mellencamp had to do with shady management and shadier record companies. Throughout the eighties, Mellencamp played second fiddle to Bruce Springsteen when it came for being a voice for the working class and much like The Boss he is still around giving a voice to Middle America.
During the eighties, Mellencamp built his following looking at the underbelly of Reaganomics with anthems like Pink Houses releasing five albums during his presidency. Things have gotten much worse during the Bush era but Mellencamp has been conspicuously absent during the time taking his longest break between records, so there is plenty of material for Mellencamp on his latest album, and first since 2001, Freedom’s Road.
Undoubtedly you have heard the first single from the album and if you watch football I’m sure you are sick of My Country already. Luckily the song it stuck near the end of the album song you are already immersed in it and the song almost sounds fresh again. The rest of the album is much like My Country in that it isn’t overtly political so the songs don’t sound preachy, but if you want to be preached all you have to do is listen closely to the lyrics. Mellencamp saves his most biting commentary for the hidden track Rodeo Clown, but the drunken pool hall sing-a-long may even have the most ardent Bush backers humming along.
That’s not to say the album is even close to perfect, most notably The Americans with it’s overtly simplistic and patriotic lyrics sounds like something that was written by a fifth grader, well or Toby Keith. Aside from The Americans, the rest of Freedom’s Road spends its time giving mention to things that have gone unmentioned for way too long. Ghost Towns Along the Highway deals with the vanishing small towns across the nation. The title track reminds us that sometime people hide behind the word Freedom. Jim Crow, a duet with Joan Baez, is how racism has changed in post 9/11 America. Then Rural Road is a sad story about drugs, abduction, and murder in a small town and how the press deals with it all. Hopefully Mellencamp doesn’t wait as long for his next album as there are only two years left in this administration. Granted there is always Jeb ’08.
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on my Terror Alert Scale.
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on my 
![Terror Alert Level: Elevated [YELLOW]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6-iVFV0hXCTSYP16K_V0Rrxp3GqFrtBIJKeTUyQ2LpxZQ9XKHFj6QGtqqa7oxhLadLV8vUj8R84AftD8IKUSfN0u_u0CYDtJwhrpCPN2DBWquAIDv0jbVlhZL0mDFKlPKluGyxw/s400/small_elevated.png)
on my 
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