57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. CXXIII

Tool Academy: Human lie detector? Seriously? What is most disturbing is they said the chick’s testimony holds up in the court of law. I’m fidgety in any situation, whether I am lying or not. Hopefully I am never falsely but in that kind of situation. You can stream recent episodes over at vh1.com. You can also download Tool Academy on iTunes.

Chuck: I cannot express how much I hate when an episode starts in the third act then pulls the “X Amount of Time Earlier” place card. Is it anymore surprising that it was Casey that shot the double agent had we not heard the gun shot a half an hour earlier? Not for me. At least Big Mike mentoring Casey on how to deal in real life was entertaining. Well except for eating after Jeff took a bite out of the sandwich, that was gross. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Chuck on iTunes.

How I Met Your Mother: Do the writers even watch their own show? Or did they just conveniently forget that Barney wasn’t always the suave businessman we know today but was once a tree hugging hippie and certainly had a few bad pictures taken during his soul patch phase, because there is no way to take a good picture when you have a soul patch (um, not that I know from personal experiences or anything). You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

The Big Bang Theory: I have been waiting for it for three season and we finally got a drunken Sheldon. Unfortunately Penny is for some reason still with Leonard so we did not get my dream scenario of Sheldon waking up next to her. You can download The Big Bang Theory on iTunes.

Greek: Arg, how could they break up Laura and Dale the same episode we find out about them? Hopefully Dale comes to his senses and doesn’t mind going back into the (pantry) closet. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.



Castle: Oh snap. Certainly they didn’t actually kill off Beckett (I hope) but that doesn’t make the ending any less shocking. Should be interesting how next week plays out. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes. Also be sure to check out my chat with Stana Katic.

Lost: Much like a We Are the World remake, I thought a Richard Alpert centric episode would be fool proof, but leave it to Lost (and Lil Wayne’s auto-tune) to make me look like a fool for thinking that. To make things worse, we finally get the big reveal of what is up with the island (I think) and I still left the episode disappointed. First we get all of two minutes in present day. Then for the flashback, instead of a full two hundred(ish) years of Alpert’s existence we only get a less than a year in the life of Richard. What about how Richard recruited all the Others like Whitmore, Eloise Hawking, Zeke et. al. There was some much they could have done with this hour and I left feeling cheated. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.



Justified: Whereas most procedurals seem to deal with criminal masterminds, it looks like Justified will be dealing with the criminals on the short end of the gene pool which I am all for. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Parenthood: Note to self: if I ever find myself having to talk to a kid who spends too much time in the show, do not, under any circumstance, start quoting Woody Allen. But I wonder if showing this episode would work instead. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Parenthood on iTunes.

Mercy: I was wondering when the insurance company would come for Sonia for killing the old lady a couple weeks ago. I really didn’t think that it would just go away as easily as they planned it. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Mercy on iTunes.

Modern Family: A pretty flat episode with little to laugh at this week aside from some of the Cameron/Gloria scenes. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.



Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains: It is time to add someone else into the pantheon of Dumb Survivor Moves. In fact the only two dumber movies in Survivor history that Tyson letting Russell convince him to vote for Parvati would be Erik giving up the Immunity Necklace to be promptly voted out and James getting voted out with two Immunity Idols in his pocket.

But Russell showed this week why he shouldn’t even be in the discussion for Greatest Survivor History and that is because he plays the dumbest social game. I bet one of the biggest reasons he didn’t win was because at the last tribal to play it, he whipped out the Immunity Necklace and didn’t even bother to play it. And this week, instead of simply giving his Idol to Parvati before Tribal, he had to make this grand douchebag pronouncement before doing so. He is lucky the other tribe didn’t get to sit in for it. You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.



Community: Annie as a bad cop? Yes please. But Glendale should be happy that April Fools Day got banned because it is the most worthless holiday. Pranks are not at all funny when they are expected. That is why I pull all of mine on March 31st when people least expect it. You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Best of the Week vol. XXXIX

Quote of the Week: Pancakes is not just breakfast, it’s an edible way for saying thank you so much for last night. (Det. Esposito, Castle)

Song of the Week: All Night Long (All Night) - Lionel Richie (as sung by Michael Wilbon, Pardon the Interuption)

Big News of the Week: Don’t Marry Dudes Who Would Leave Their Pornstar Wife to Marry You: Just one of my rules for life.

Gratuitous Token Hot Chick Picture of the Week:



Free Download of the Week: Walk A Mile In My Shoes – Elvis Pressley (Amazon MP3): It may not be one of his thirty number one hits, but it is live Elvis and free, so that works for. For those out there with kids, you may want to head over to iTunes where they have a pre-air free download of Disney Channel newest show Good Luck Charlie (which is too close to the name of an unwatchable Dane Cook movie). There is also all ten episode of 10 Things I Hate About You from ABC Channel that are available for the low, low price of free.

Deal of the Week: DVD's as Low as $5.99 (Atonement, American Pie 2, Mystery Man)

Video of the Week: Of course a “Weird Al” Yankovic biopic would itself being a parody. Although as good as some of the casting is (Olivia Wilde as Madonna, Patton Oswald as Dr. Demento, Gary Cole as papa Yankovic, Al as a shady record exec) they could have done better than Aaron Paul as Al. Off the top of my head Jim Parsons or Jay Baruchel would have been better.

"Weird: The Al Yankovic Story"

Next Week Pick of the Week: Saving Grace, Monday at 10:00 on TNT: Check out my preview of The Final Season here.

Around the Tubes vol. XLIV

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Showtime free weekend, Nat Geo Wild, The Pacific, Doctor Who, Caprica, Stargate Universe, Merlin, and A Very Funny Festival.

- This weekend (starting yesterday) is a free Showtime weekend which includes Showtime HD and Showtime on Demand for most cable providers. I really didn’t see any movies on their schedules, but I will spend the weekend marathoning the most recent seasons of Weeds and Secret Diary of a Call Girl on Demand and in HD. Their buzzed about shows Nurse Jackie and The United States of Tara, which recently both got renewed for their third seasons are also available. And all three seasons of The Tudors are available On Demand in time for the fourth and final season premiering April 11 at 9:00.

- If you get tired with all the free movies this weekend on Showtime, remember the Nat Geo Wild channel premieres Monday. If you have The Fox Reality Channel, you will more than likely have Nat Geo Wild in that space starting next week. I may have a review of the first series, Rebel Monkeys sometime next week. If not, it premieres Wednesday at 8:00.

- For those keeping up with HBO’s The Pacific will want to head over to hbo.com to check out the online storyboard of John Basilone's famous heroics.

- Doctor Who will be returning to BBC America Saturday April 17 at 9:00. Here is an interview with actor Matt Smith (The Doctor) and lead writer/Executive Producer Steven Moffat explain the wonders of the TARDIS, the Doctor's time machine.



- Tonight is the mid-season finale of Caprica. Here is a preview:



- In other Syfy news, next Friday sees the return of both Stargate Universe and Merlin at 9:00 and 10:00 respectively. For those that missed the first season of Merlin on NBC last summer, Syfy is running a full marathon this Sunday starting at 10:00 AM.

- For those in the Chicago area, tickets go on sale March 29 at 10:00 for A Very Funny Festival which will feature Ellen DeGeneres, Cedric The Entertainer, Denis Leary, Russell Peters, Greg Giraldo, Jim Norton, Aziz Ansari and Bob Odenkirk taking place June 15-19, 2010. More talent will be announced soon.

Previewing Saving Grace: The Final Season

Ending don’t get much more exciting than the title character falling off a building trying to stop an attempted suicide. That was just how Saving Grace ended just before we get visual evidence that Grace and Neely (who is also tied to Grace’s angel Earl) landed with barely a scratch. The new and last season of Saving Grace kicks off Monday at 10:00 with Grace and Neely being rushed to the hospital and the town all a flutter of the video which is getting played plenty of times on the local news.

Tonight also sees the introduction of Gordon McDonald who is also drawn to the city because of the fall that we do not get to know much about but it is clear he is not a writer like he claims to be but clearly will play a big part in the final season. Lucille Bluth also returns tonight as Grace’s mother and Ashley Williams is also back as Ham continues to date his dead brother’s wife which gets some jokes thrown his way because of it. As for a case of the week, the crew investigates a deadly mauling from a dog. Also expect a major life changing event from one of Grace’s co-workers. Check out a sneak peek below:

Previewing Breakout

One of the most engrossing television shows today is National Geographic’s Locked Up Abroad that takes harrowing first person accounts of people taken prisoners in foreign lands. Now the producers of the show has a new show for the channel, Breakout premiering this Sunday at 9:00 before moving to its regular night and time on Wednesdays at 10:00 starting March 31.

Breakout follows the formula of Locked Up Abroad in its first person testimonials of people that have broken out of prison on how they we able to do so. If there were a complaint of Locked Up Abroad (besides its overabundance of drug mule episodes) is that we never get to hear the other side of the story from the jailer or kidnapper. This is not the case with Breakout as not only do we get interviews from the prisoners, we also get to hear from the wardens of the prisons they broke out of and the people assigned to tracking them down.

Where Locked Up Abroad relied heavily on profiling drug mules, Breakout looks to have most of their stories originate in Texas where the first two episodes escapees originate from. On Sunday the episode catches up with The Texas Seven, a group of inmates that came up with an elaborate plan to escape the Connally Unit prison. Then a week from tonight, inmate Dennis Hope manages to evade the Darrington Unit officers by running out of the prison’s five mile search perimeter in under a half an hour. Check out a preview below:

It's Okay, We All Get the Slip Sometimes Everyday

Though decent enough, the union of actress Zooey Deshanel and indie hipster may have set a bad precedent. Not too long after they released joined together to form She and Him we were forced to witness the cringeworthy duo of Scarlett Johansson and Pete Yorn. What is next, Natalie Portman singing alongside Connor Oberst? Could this lead to a fractious Deshanel family reunion when her sister Emily of Bones fame decides she wants to start a band with Zooey’s husband, Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie? The possibilities are more frightening than watching 2012. Let us not forget Mandy Moore is still married to Ryan Adams and could start recording together at any time.

And now She and Him are back for their second album and are just as creative in their branding calling the sophomore outing Volume Two (after their debut was the aptly entitled Volume One). Not much has changed in the two years since their last album. Zooey is still crooning over music that harkens back to middle of the twentieth century folk with new millennium sheen added by the inclusion of two covers from that era by NRBQ and Skeeter Davis.

Added to that, the album opener Thieves could well have been a cover of a long lost Roy Orbison song. But much like their first album, Volume Two is slogged by a lack of diversity. The only two stand out songs are the overly-perky first single In the Sun which is accompanied by an even peppier Bye Bye Birdie style music video. The other is the album closer If You Can’t Sleep which dumps the instruments and just has Zooey joined by a humming chorus.

Song to Download – In the Sun

Volume Two gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

My Tears Don't Show but oh Honey They Flow

Valentino – Diane Birch



This is one of those videos you have to watch again and again trying to figure just how they managed it. Thankfully Diane Birch included a making the video accompaniment to show you how it happen behind the screen. Most surprising: there actually was no screen.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. CXXII

Tool Academy: Two episodes for the price of one. Though I do not understand why they didn’t air one during the Oscars. I cannot imagine there are many people who watch Tool Academy every week that have seen The Hurt Locker. And I bet more people catch the repeat airing of the show than watch the premiere (I know that is how I catch it). Then for the second time this season, we actually get a break up before elimination. Do these people forget that there is a sizable cash prize at the end of the show? It would probably take most of these people close to a decade to make $100,000. You can stream recent episodes over at vh1.com. You can also download Tool Academy on iTunes.

Chuck: Of course everyone is leaving Chuck but Morgan. Hurph. Ellie and Awesome are joining Doctors without Borders, Sarah is moving to Washington and Casey is resigned to a civilian life (though still working at the Buy More presumable). Here’s hoping it is all a red herring and that Morgan ends up being the one that leaves because if when Casey is reinstated, hopefully he isn’t happy that Morgan was the one that blew his cover. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Chuck on iTunes.

Greek: Of course Lea Thompson shows up during an eighties themed episode. Thankfully there wasn’t a storyline of her most memorable from the decade where she tried seducing her son. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.



Lost: Why exactly did Smokie send Sawyer over to the Hydra when he could have just went all Smokie and killed everyone? Is he not allowed to kill Whitmore like it was eluded that Ben was not allowed to a couple seasons ago? And if Whitmore and his goons didn’t kill the Ajira leftovers (I will take him at his word that he didn’t), who did? Does Sawyer no longer knock up Matt Saresen’s mom in the flashsideways? Speaking of the flashsideways, why is Miles wasting his time in Vice, wouldn’t he be better served in Homicide or can he no longer talk to dead people? But of course, the time for questions is over! You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.



Mercy: What, they couldn’t get Snookie or The Situation to star in this episode because it was pretty obvious who the Guidos were portraying. I feel dirty for thinking all of this. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Mercy on iTunes.

Community: Holy Buster Bluth sighting! But just how many classes do these students take? It seems like they are in more than most community colleges offer. And what college requires an art credit let along two Spanish classes? You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Also check out my First Impressions of Justified.

Best of the Week vol. XXXVIII

Quote of the Week: Don’t use my faith as a cheap ploy Chambers. And I’m not one of those wussy, loving Christians, okay. I believe in a scary God who brings hellfire to sinners like you. (Dale, Greek)

Song of the Week: Jump Around – House of Pain (Mercy)

Big News of the Week: March Is Already Maddening: And my bracket is already busted. Maybe I should have actually used my own rules (see #4 of It’s March Madness Baby) which states The MAC Is Always Good for a Win. But of course not only did I go with Georgetown in the game; I advanced them to the Elite 8. Hurph. Maybe my worst first round ever (Marquette is another team I had in the Elite 8) since the nineties when I would routinely put Stanford in the Final Four and they would routinely lose in the first weekend.

Gratuitous Token Hot Chick Picture of the Week:




Free Download of the Week: ATO Records Sampler (atorecords.com): ATO Records (Dave Matthews record label) recently redesigned their websitye and are celebrating with free music from The EP includes music from Drive-By Truckers, Rodrigo y Gabriela, John Butler Trio, Dawes and Alberta Cross. Please note you will have to submit an e-mail address to download.

Deal of the Week: DVDs as Low as $6.49 (The Lost Boys, The Green Mile, Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride)

Video of the Week: The second episode of The Pacific airs tonight on HBO at 9:00. For those that missed the first episode, you can currently stream it over at HBO.com. And good news for those of us too cheap for premium channels, rumor has it that the mini-series will be released on DVD and Blu-Ray in time for Father’s Day. Now I just have to adopt a kid before then.



Next Week Pick of the Week: Justified, Tuesday at 10:00 on FX: Word on the street is as good as the first episode was, the second gets even better. And if you missed the premiere, you can currently download it for free and in HD on iTunes or Amazon Video on Demand (see below):

Around the Tubes vol. XLIII

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Friday Night Lights, Eureka, Chuck, Fox Movie Channel, Who Do You Think You Are, and Showtime’s summer schedule.

- Only six more weeks until Friday Night Lights returns to NBC and here is a collection of Coach Taylor’s “Greatest Hits”:

The Best of Coach Taylor


- For Battlestar Gallactica and Eureka fans alike, James Callis of the former will be joining the cast of the latter for its upcoming season. As the bio reads, “Callis will play scientist Dr. Grant, a former resident of the town whose unexpected return is cause for serious alarm and – considering his romantic interest in Allison Blake (Salli Richardson-Whitfield) – significant friction with Sherriff Jack Carter (Colin Ferguson).” Eureka is set to return July 9.

- Don’t tell Chuck Norris, but Casey from television’s Chuck has a new website that spouts Casey Facts such as, “In the dictionary, if you look up ‘John Casey’ a fist pops out and punches you in the face.”

- Fox Movie Channel has a new blog Unvaulted Blog by Liz Coopersmith focusing on films you may not have seen but should be aware of.

- Fans of Who Do You Think You Are will want to check out the latest Meet the Filmmaker podcast with Executive Producers Lisa Kudrow and Dan Bucatinsky along with Brooke Shields.

- Showtime recently released their summer schedule which goes like this (and do not forget Nurse Jackie and The United States of Tara return Monday at 10:00):

Thursday, June 10th
Penn & Teller: (Expletive Deleted)! – 10 pm
The Green Room with Paul Provenza – 10:30 pm

Sunday, June 20th
The Real L Word – 10 pm

Monday, August 16th
Weeds – 10 pm
The Big C – 10:30 pm

It's March Madness Baby! 2010 Edition

March became a little less mad for me this year after my alma mater, Kent State with their first seed in the MAC tournament, managed to lose their first game thus eliminating any change of making the big dance. I did get an e-mail inviting me to watch the Golden Flashes play in the NIT. Um, pass. All will be forgotten around noon tomorrow when hopefully I wioll be coming down with a case of the March Madness. Now keep in mind you may be better off taking advidse from your secretary, but here are my picks for the bracket this year.

West
Finals: Kansas (1) over Georgetown (3)
Upset: New Mexico State (12) over Michigan State (5)

South
Finals: Syracuse (1) over Kansas State (2)
Upset: BYU (10) over Florida (7)

Midwest
Finals: Kentucky (1) over Marquette (6)
Upset: Cornell (12) over Temple (5)

East
Finals: Villanova (2) over Duke (1)
Upset: I pretty much went scratch except 9 over 8 in the first round and 5 over 4 in the second round.

Final Four
Kansas over Syracuse
Villanova over Kentucky

Finals
Kansas over Villanova (62-50)

Previewing Justified

I never understood why some actors whine about being typecast especially if you are typecast as a character where there is an overabundance of like cops. Thankfully Timothy Olyphant apparently doesn’t care about being typecast because just four years after playing Sherriff Seth Bullock on Deadwood, Olyphant is back on the small screen as another lawman for the latest FX series, Justified.

Olyphant does get to fast forward to the twenty-first century with Justified (well considering the show is set in rural Kentucky, it may seem just the twentieth) and is upgraded to a Deputy U.S. Marshall, but after a shooting in his cushy Miami station gets shipped back to his Lexington home much to his chagrin which just happens to also be the landing place of his ex wife, played by Natalie Zea (Dirty Sexy Money), and her new husband.

Getting to hang around the water cooler with Olyphant include Nick Searcy (The Ugly Truth) as the Chief Deputy of the Lexington Office and shared time with Olyphant training firearms at the Marshals’ training facility. Jacobs Pitts (Eurotrip, no seriously, this is the same floppy haired dude from that movie) the show’s token War vet, because what show in the past couple years hasn’t featured someone that has fought in either Iraq or Afghanistan? Rounding out the group is Erica Tazel (Jericho).

Though there are no advisories as great as Al Swearengen, or even George Hearst for that matter, the antagonists, with their bazooka and swastika tattoos, are creepier than anything in Deadwood. The group is lead by Walter Goggins (House of a 1000 Corpses) whose brother has just been killed by his wife (Joelle Carter, High Fidelity) who just so happens to be cozying up to the recently returned Olyphant.

With Olyphant at the lead, you would think Justified would shy away from Deadwood comparisons, but there are plenty to have, and that is a good think. Much like Bullock, he still is the quickest, and most accurate, draw in the West. And with a network that seems to revel in leads that like to deal in shades of grey (Tommy Gavin, Jax Teller, Vic Mackey), Olyphant continues to have a strong moral compass and only draws when he needs to and still has the muted rage that Bullock did.

Justified is easily one of the best new shows of the season. The only problem is that it shares a time slot with one of the stiffest competition for that title, Parenthood.

Justified airs Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX.

Lyrics Quiz: Sports

February and early March is the doldrums of sports with very little things happening except every four years we get a thrilling Curling tournament to watch. But now it is time to get excited to be a sports fan again: March Madness, spring training, NHL draft and crunch time for the NBA and NHL with the playoffs around the corner. So here are some sports themed lyrics. As always leave your guesses, both artist and song title, in the comment section or e-mail me. If you are correct I will un-bold the lyric. Please keep in mind the lyrics quiz is for entertainment purposes only so please only use your own meandering mind to guess them. Now onto the lyric quiz:

1. So many times, it happens too fast. You trade your passion for glory. Don’t lose your grip on the dreams of the past.  (Eye of the Tiger - Survivor;  guessed by Curtis)
2. You can bring a bowl of rice and then a glass of water too. And fate is setting up the chessboard while death rolls out the dice.
3. He’s gonna slide in head first, here he comes, he's out! No, wait, safe, safe at second base, this kid really makes things happen out there.  (Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meat Loaf;  guessed by Angie)
4. Sometimes you’re crazy and you wonder why I’m such a baby that the Dolphins make me cry.  (Only Wanna Be with You - Hootie an the Blowfish;  guessed by Curtis)
5. It’s ironic: I had the brew, she had the chronic; The Lakers beat the Supersonics.  (It Was a Good Day - Ice Cube;  guessed by Rose)
6. I used to think that I could not go on and life was nothing but an awful song. But now I know the meaning of true love I’m leaning on the everlasting arms.  (I Believe I Can Fly - R. Kelly;  guessed by Angie)
7. You got blood on your face, a big disgrace, waving your banner all over the place.  (We Will Rock You - Queen;  guessed by Curtis)
8. Shadow boxing when I heard you on the radio. Uh, I just don’t know what made you forget I was raw.  (Mama Said Knock You Out - LL Cool J;  guessed by Rose)
9. Kids were wearing hand me downs. And playing games meant kick-a-rounds. And footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face.  (I Wish I Was a Punk Rocker (With a Flower in my Hair) - Sandi Thom;  guessed by Rose)
10. I had a friend who was great a baseball player back in high school. He could throw that speed ball by you, make you look like a fool.  (Glory Days - Bruce Springsteen;  guessed by Angie)
11. And he carries the reminders of every glove that laid him down, or cut him ‘til he cried out in his anger and his shame, “I am leaving, I am leaving.”  (The Boxer - Simon and Garfunkel;  guessed by Anonymous)
12. White men in suits don’t have to jump. Still there is 101 ways to lose with the shoes.
13. You know I took some lumps when the mighty Casey struck out. So say hey Willie, tell Ty Cobb and Joe DiMaggio, “Don’t say it ain’t so.”  (Centerfield - John Fogerty;  guessed by AJ)
14. One punch, that’s all it took he hit me in my ribs and my insides shook. Now how can I say this and be a little discreet, let’s just say that my bowels released.  (I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson - D.J.  Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince;  guessed by Angie)
15. Do my best to follow through, come up with a master plan, a home run hit, a winning stand. A guarantee and not a promise that I’ll never let your love slip through my hands.
16. 'Cause when it comes to playing basketball I’m always last to be picked and in some cases never picked at all. So I just lean upon the wall or sit up in the bleachers with the rest of the girls who came to watch their men ball.
17. The arena is empty except for one man still driving and striving as fast as he can. The sun has gone down and the moon has come up, and long ago somebody left with the cup.  (The Distance - Cake;  guessed by AJ)
18. If Jesus is paying LeBron, I’m paying Dwayne Wade.  (Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys;  guessed by Curtis)
19. Rubin could take a man out with just one punch, but he never did like to talk about it all that much. It’s my work he’d say and I do it for pay.
20. My helmet is equipped with a tiny face mask, what it possibly could protect, I do not know. The other guys on the team like to make fun of my little shoulder pads. And also like to hide the special shoe I need to kick in the snow.
21. Referee won’t blow the whistles. God is good but will he listen?  (Staring at the Sun - U2;  guessed by Angie)
22. Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted. One moment. Would you capture it or just let it slip?  (Lose Yourself - Eminem;  guessed by Curtis)
23. You will see him on TV any given Sunday, win the Super Bowl and drive off in a Hyundai.  (Gold Digger - Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx;  guessed by Curtis)
24. Ain’t no (lovin’) good enough to get burnt while I’m up in it. And that is realer than Real Deal Holyfield.
25. He’ll never love you, the way that I love you ‘cause if he did, no no, he wouldn’t make you cry. He might be thrillin’ baby but a-my love so dog-gone willing.

Bonus: He came from Miami, was oh, so young. He riffles to the Wizard, my what a gun.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. CXXI

Chuck: I rarely yell at my television, even during sports (okay, I do yell at the sweepers during Curling, but that is about it) but when Casey was talking about shipping Morgan out of town I was screaming that they do that. As painfully annoying as Morgan is now, he is probably going to be much worse now that he knows Chuck is a spy. And if sitting through too much Morgan wasn’t enough for one episode, even the Jeffster musical interlude was even lackluster. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Chuck on iTunes.

How I Met Your Mother: When did everyone decide Jennifer Lopez was relevant again? She recently pulled double duties on Saturday Night Live (just days after her record company pulled her latest album and dumped her) and now doing a guest stint here. Shouldn’t she be at a Dancing with the Has-Been’s point in here career? You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Greek: Aww, Mardi Gras. I really never got it on account that I am not Catholic and thus do not give anything up for Lent. But my favorite part of Fat Tuesday is to point out at around 1:00 AM to those that did give up debauchery for Lent that Ash Wednesday technically started an hour ago. Fun times. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.



Castle: The actors really seemed to have way too much fun filming this episode for obvious reasons. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes. Also be sre to check out my chat with Stana Katic.

Lost: Let’s jump into my patent pending time machine all the way back to last week when I joked, “And now (Ben) is best friends with his father! And his daughter is now the sexy French nanny to his kids!” Granted I would have guessed that Alex was one of his students had I thought she was that young (shouldn’t she be in her twenties?). Even though this was the best episode this season, it still got a little too tongue and cheek for my tastes. By the end I was half expecting Arntz to blow up again. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.



Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains: Are the Heroes really this dumb that they can take leads into all the challenges and just completely come apart while doing a puzzle that two of them did before? It has become painful to watch them now. But judging from the promo it looks like they may be saved from another Tribal and we will be getting an epic showdown between Boston Rob and Russell. Just remember that the show airs Wednesday next week due to March Madness. You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.



Community: No truer scene has been filmed than the one at the end of the episode. I am right there with you Jeff and Peirce. You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Best of the Week vol. XXXVII

Quote of the Week: The only thing I hate more than hippies, neo-liberals fascists, and anarchists are the hypocrite fat-cat suits they eventually all grow up to be. (Casey, Chuck)

Song of the Week: Hero of the Day – Metallica (Trauma)

Big News of the Week: Cory Haim Died: I was a little too young (and way to male) to catch the two Corey’s phenomenon as he was washed up by the time I was getting into pop culture and managed to miss all of his films except for Lucas (which begs the question, whatever happened to Kerri Green). But in the end, Corey will just go down as another troubled child actor and a reminder why you should never do drugs.

Gratuitous Token Hot Chick Picture of the Week:



Free Download of the Week: Whiskey in the Jar – Irish Tenors (Borders): Here is a little something to get you ready for St. Patrick’s Day coming next week.

Deal of the Week: Save on Hundreds of Classic DVDs (The Time Machine, Casablanca [Blu-Ray], The Music Man)

Video of the Week: I hate you Canada. First you steal the gold medal from us thanks to some silly overtime rules and now you released a decent charity single for Wavin' Flag just weeks after our new embarrassingly bad version of We Are the World. What’s next Canada, are you going to start fleecing NFL players for the Canadian Football League?



Next Week Pick of the Week: The Pacific, Sunday (3/14) at 9:00 on HBO: Considering their track record with Band of Brothers, The Pacific should be epically good. But much like Band of Brothers, my lack of HBO will be keeping from actually watching it myself for a couple months. Those that do and what a warm up for the show, head over to the New York Times review which calls it “never less than spellbinding.”

Around the Tubes vol. XLII

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Nat Geo Wild, Trauma, Hitman, Caprica, Jimmy Fallon, and NBC’s Summer Schedule.

- It has to be good sign for humanity that they are changing the Fox Reality Channel to Nat Geo Wild Starting Monday March 9. Some of the series to look out for are Expedition Wild featuring Naturalist Casey Anderson who will be teaching a 900-pound grizzly bear to live in the wild after being raised in captivity. Mystery Gorilla will follow Mireya Mayor (a former Miami Dolphins cheerleader) observing the creature in northern Congo. Then there is Rebel Monkeys about a troop of more than 60 monkeys as the cause trouble in Jaipur, India.

- Trauma returned earlier this week and Executive Producer Dario Scardapane answered some fan question of which part one you can find below. Head over to NBC.com for part two.



- The latest FX series Justified premieres next Tuesday and on March 23, FX will air the world broadcast premiere of star Timothy Olyphant movie Hitman.

- If you missed any episodes of Caprica, or just want to watch them again, SyFy is having a mini-marathon of the show today starting at 2:00 beginning with the pilot going all the way up until 9:00 with a brand new episode.

- Chris Parnell dropped by Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last week and Andy Sandburg just happened to show up. So of course a Lazy Sunday was in order. And for any Old School hip-hop fan, test your knowledge to see if what beats you can name that The Roots play as the background track.



- NBC recently released their summer schedule and here it is for those that like to plan they television watching months in advance:

America's Got Talent will return with a two-hour premiere on Tuesday, June 1 (8-10 p.m. ET) with the Wednesday edition debuting June 2 (9-10 p.m. ET).

Last Comic Standing will return with a two-hour premiere on Monday, June 7 (8-10 p.m. ET) before moving to its regular time period the following week, Mondays (9-10 p.m. ET).

100 Questions Thursday, May 27, 8:30

Persons Unknown Monday, June 7, 10:00

Law & Order: Criminal Intent (which premieres on USA Network in March) will encore on NBC beginning Sunday, June 20 10:00

Friday Night Lights Friday, April 30 8:00

NBC will also broadcast special programming this summer including the two-hour original movie The Jensen Project on Friday, July 16 (8-10 p.m. ET) as well as The Making of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter on Sunday, June 6 (7-7:30 p.m. ET) and The Macy's 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular (Sunday, July 4, 9-10 p.m. ET).

Previewing Sizing up Sperm

Please note, as the title may suggest, this is for mature audiences and will be discussing some scientist terminology that deals with the reproductive organs in the human body so if you laughed like Beavis and Butt-Head during the episode where they were forbidden to laugh for a week as Coach Buzzcut ran down all the subjects they would be covering in Sex Ed, or not old enough for Health class, you may want to skip this post.



Every once in a while I get a DVD by the title alone keeps me from considering watching it. Sizing up Sperm is one such title. But then you are having a lazy Sunday where you just want to lounge on the couch and even something called Sizing up Sperm sound more entertaining than anything that would have to do with the three feet of snow outside. And despite the title that would make any eighth grade Health student chuckle, the program is actually quite entertaining.

The concept of Sizing up Sperm, airing this Sunday, March 14at 9:00 on the National Geographic Channel, is taking sperm and making them human size (as above), and represented by actors as they are put in scale situations from the testicles on their journey to find an egg to fertilize put in entertaining terms (like when they enter the vagina, it is called D-Day for sperm) with help from a sperm physiologist (seriously, there is such a thing). With all the sperm goes through it is amazing how anyone gets pregnant at all.

The program is really good for any parent who is unsure on how to initiate the Birds and the Bees talk and has plenty of helpful hints for those trying to get their little swimmers to get the job done. Here is a preview:

I Want My Music Television vol. LXXVI

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Do Wah Doo – Kate Nash



Just days after Barney Stinson mentioned that stewardess was the hottest profession of the 50’s, here comes a video from Kate Nash where she starts as a 50’s stewardess. Flight Suit Up.


In the Sun – She and Him



From the first single it sounds like Volume 2 from She and Him is going to sound much like Volume 1: kind of bland. But at least the music video is fun with Zooey Deschanel looking her Winnie Cooperest.


Wavin’ Flag – K’Naan



For all the soccer fans out there (or football to all you foreigners) prepare yourself to be hearing this song from K’Naan a lot this summer at is the official song of the upcoming World Cup.


I Wish it Would Rain - Mayer Hawthorne



Pretty cool concept for a video for the latest from Mayer Hawthorne, too bad The Swell Season came up with pretty much the same idea last year.

The Dawn to End All Nights: That’s All We Hoped it Was

Brian Burton was the most entertaining person of the 00’s whose name no one would recognize. A few more people would now his stage name Danger Mouse. Yet everyone is familiar with his most famous work as one half of Gnarls Barkley who created the greatest experimental pop song since When Doves Cry.

It was an odd decade for Brian Burton. He started off by perfecting the mash-up with The Grey Album which took acappella from Jay-Z’s The Black Album and backed them with instrumentations taken from The Beatles The White Album. That actually led to producing jobs for acts ranging from Gorillaz to Beck to The Black Keys. But his most successful collaboration came with Cee-Lo Green.

Even though everything he has done has been ear candy, you still had to scratch your head when Burton’s latest collaboration was with James Mercer of The Shins (who are best known for not changing your life as Natalie Portman promised). Even though Mercer and Green have little in common other than working with Burton, Broken Bells is similar to Gnarls Barkley that just trades Green’s Deep South soul with Mercer’s acoustic guitar.

Both groups’ first singles were these big huge pop sounding songs with an undercurrent of moody and somber tones. While the rest of the respective album tried to reach the cultural high point to little avail. But unlike Gnarls Barkley where Danger Mouse provided the music for Cee Lo to sing his songs over, Broken Bells is a more collaborative effort with the duo putting their two cents each on the music and lyrics which reigns in Burton who went a little too out there with his beats with Gnarls Barkley. Here on Broken Bells, his eclectiveness only comes in small bursts like the opening moments like the opening bars of The High Road.

Though The High Road is the high point of the debut, there are some other gems to be found Vaporize starts out what could be a Shins song with just guitar before a half a minute in before Burton adds some fuzzy keyboards onto the track. While Your Head Is on Fire is a weird trippy Beach Boys type song heard through Danger Mouse’s usual psychedelic filter. Though Gnarls Barkley never reached the heighted of Crazy on the sophomore effort, The Odd Couple was a stronger album as a whole. Here’s hoping the next Broken Bells record follows the format.

Song to Download – The High Road

Broken Bells gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.