57 Channels and Only This Is On - 3/3/13

Shameless: When Papa Milcovich called in “The Russian” I thought, uh oh, those boys are in some real trouble. Nope, the Russian was just a prostitute brought in to sex the gay out of them. And that did not even rank in the top two most offensive parts of the show this week. Number one would be having sex with your mother-in-law while your wife gets you aroused because a turkey baster did not work. And then there was Frank holding his clean urine in his mouth for who knows how long.

House of Lies: I used to think the pre-teen stripper routine would be the most offensive dance sequence from Little Miss Sunshine would be the most offensive dance I would ever see involving kids, but now Roscoe and his posse takes the top spot. Congratulation… I think?

How I Met Your Mother: I really hope that some savvy producer saw this and realizes it is about time for a Weekend at Bernie's reboot (something I have pushed for the last couple years). Maybe even Judd Apatow who would go ahead and have Jason Segal play the Andrew McCarthy role (though it would be better to have someone like Seth Rogan take on Jonathan Silverman part instead of Ted Mosby). Then just bring in Jim Carrey as Bernie. It is a surprise no studio has yet hired me to run their reboot department.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Dallas: Only the Ewing’s would know the best way to overcome armed thugs would to fake(?) a fight with each other.
You can download Dallas on iTunes.

Bunheads: It was a little weird that after an entire episode about a group of girls thinking about losing their virginity, they choreograph a big dance sequence around Makin' Whoopie. And for those not sure what the difference between boys and girls, the girls plan for weeks, if not month or years, like in the episode, guys just want it to happen anywhere with anyone, preferably as soon as possible.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.

Castle: Not as cool as Liam Neeson’s “skills” speech, but I liked the French dude’s speech to the microphone on the wall. Too bad he turned out to be a chicken and had to die. And we finally got to meet papa castle (shame on the promo monkeys for spoiling that reveal last week), it was teased a couple seasons ago that he worked deep cover. And really, if Stana Katic ever got bored with the show, I would not a mind a Castle and Castle spy spin-off. Or throw in Alexis and make it Castle Cubed.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Deception: I really hope that it does not turn out that Julian’s booty called turned out to be Vivian’s murderer. That would be as dumb as Rosie Larson’s aunt accidentally killing her.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Deception on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Plaster all those annoying phrases with the pound sign on the screen as much as you want, I do not believe that was Toby out in the woods until I see a face. I am more inclined to believe that was Detective Waldon under the cap. But my favorite part of the show was when Hanna pushed the cop car into the lake. I was really hoping that it would sink about a foot before she realized that lake was not deep enough to cover an entire car.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

The Lying Game: I am not surprised Ted would place flowers on the grave of someone who is blackmailing him, but I just do not see him as a murderer / kidnapper. I have a feeling it will turn out the Ted feals responsible for the death, he just did not do it himself.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Lying Game on iTunes.

Justified: Wow, they actually killed Arlo off. And what a way to go… out fighting but hanging on long enough to tell his son to kiss him somewhere unsanitary one last time. Awesome. So if you had Arlo in your Who Is Drew Thompson Office Pool, you may want to stop planning your cruise you were going to purchase with winning (which is probably for the best). Granted Arlo was always the least likely to be Drew. So that leaves (or the people we have seen this season) the three white collar criminals that Boyd is shaking down and Sherriff Shelby. But I do not know why they are spending so much time having the ex wife looking at pictures because wouldn’t Drew have had copious amounts of plastic surgery by now? Wait a second, could Wynn Duffy be Drew Thompason?
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: I wonder if there was some heavy editing during the Immunity Challenge because why did they let Fratboy #2 to continue to try to throw the hook and keep missing when Fratboy #1 got it on his first try, and Shamar was also able to get it fairly quickly. But his inability was never brought up (which makes me think that it was heavy editing). Speaking of creative editing, I think it may have been some foreshadowing editing that Andrea talks about not telling the wrong person her plan to oust Corrine followed by her telling Brandon the plan. Did she not see his season? He blabbed his alliance’s secrets, what made her think he could keep a secret by someone he hates: i.e. absurdly attractive chicks.

Poor Shamar, he dumped on throughout Tribal Council, and probably rightfully so, but he was right in his memory of his conversation with Hope and all she had to do was just vote for Fratboy #2 and she would have stay. Granted it would had been awesome if there was a three way tie, and after a revote, a two-way tie which would had led to another revote.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Philippines on iTunes.

Modern Family: The neo-folk revival of Mumford and Sons have gotten so big that even Alex Dumphey is in a knockoff band. Actually I would not mind hearing more of the Eclectic Light Dorchestra.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Modern Family on iTunes.

Nashville: I feel as if I just complained about this, but what chick really gives guys, “I am sorry someone close to you just died” sex? C’mon, this just does not happen. It was almost as weird as Dan Auerbach of The Black Keys showing up for Deacon’s birthday party to hit on Rayna fresh off her divorse.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

Community: It may be a long slog to the inevitable death of this zombie show, but at least we got to see Annie in an Octoberfest costume before it was thankfully put out of its misery.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

King of the Nerds: As a stats nerd, I have to call shenanigans. The probability is astronomical that every time someone had a clear advantage (like Moo in both challenges this week as a NASA employee) throughout the show has lost. Every single time. Either the show is playing up the strengths of each contestant or there is some manipulations going on behind the scenes. As for a prediction for who will win next week, I am going with Genevieve.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 2/24/13

Once Upon a Time: Wow, eyeless girl was creepier than anything on The Walking Dead this week. Although will Mr. Gold be willing to get rid of his grandson just because he will be his downfall? Stupid question, this is a guy who let his son slip through a portal alone just to keep his powers.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Revenge: It was pretty obvious that the person at the bottom of the boat would turn out to be the evil dock guy, but I never would have guessed that he would take Amanda down with him. After she had Jack’s baby, I assumed she would be here for the long haul of the show. Hopefully this inspires Emily to get back to taking people down again and stop with all this slow and boring cooperate espionage that has gone on this season.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Walking Dead: I thought crazy Rick stopped after he realized he was getting phone calls from beyond the grave. Ugg. And all the zombies that came out of that delivery truck might as well all had wigs on because that was essentially a clown car.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Shameless: Of course child services shows up at the most chaotic time ever on the show. It will be hard for to get the Gallagher’s to get out of this one, but I have a feeling the inept worker will help them out inadvertently or not. And can you really get pregnant with a turkey baster? I always that that was an urban legend.

House of Lies: Uh, oh, Veronica Mars went on a blind date with the Hearst rapist this week. Hopefully she will be back next week with all her hair.

How I Met Your Mother: I am too lazy to even bother to think about it, but I am pretty sure the show has done the three stories from three perspectives before, probably multiple times, and it it gets less interesting every time. With that said, I kind of want to watch this episode again just to see of Barney’s Austrian king actually shows up in the background somewhere.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Switched at Birth: I had the new girl pegged to be a mole, she was acting a little too weird, but I would not have guessed that she would turn out to be the opponent’s daughter. But will Toby be able to use that to his father’s advantage?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

Bunheads: I did not think the show could top the weirdness Istanbul dance from last summer, but I think they may have done so with the dancing miners.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.
2 Broke Girls:

Castle: I was going to take this time to make numerous Taken jokes, but the promo monkeys already beat me to it with the previews showing an upcoming Liam Neeson joke. Hurmph.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Do people in the suburbs really have shower / spas like that in their homes? I defiantly need one.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Go On: I am really ready for Simone to go back to wherever she came from.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Go On on iTunes.

Justified: The video that Jody made for Raylan (with the aid of Paul Kinsey!) was so entertaining I will completely ignore that he really never had the time to make said video (or how implausible that basically every episode this season so far took part in less than a week). Also the show could use more Jackie Nevada. I take her over Ava, Wynona, or the barmaid from earlier this season. If you cannot get enough of Nevada, I highly recommend Raylan the book (see my review here), this episode is basically the end of the book, except there was no doubt if Raylan got any. Then again, in my experience, whenever a girl leaves the bathroom door open when she takes a shower, it is a sign she wants you to join her. Okay, that has never actually happened to me.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: I really like the trend of people outing other people at tribal council who have a Hidden Immunity Idol. I do not like the trend of people claiming that they are going to use said Idol but keep it in their pocket. I also do not like how the “Player of the Week” commercial is almost always spoilery. When both Laura and Douchebag #1 (not to be confused with Douchebag #2 whose name I also have no desire to learn) were up for the award, you knew they were going to do something but they did nothing interesting before then. I am usually good at skipping the ad, but the show really needs to move it to the last commercial break to avoid such spoilers.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Caramoan - Fans vs. Favorites on iTunes.

Modern Family: Holy Bud Bundy sighting! T is a shame that it took Al this long to get his son some work.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Modern Family on iTunes.

The Americans: It is weird watching this episode with all the paranoia that the Russians were behind the shooting of Ronald Regan when we now know that some crazy dude did it just to impress Jody Foster (I hear she’s currently single). I guess the closes thing similar that I can think of was when the power went out here and most of the northeastern part of the United States right after 9/11 and everyone thought it was another terrorist attack, but just turned out that our power grid just sucks. And a decade later, they still have not fixed it.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

Community: I am now convinced the new showrunners are just fracking with us between the Stockholm Syndrome attempt and Luke Perry and Jennie Garth ruining Inspector Spacetime. This is going to be a long final season.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

King of the Nerds: It is weird that for a show entitled King of the Nerds, that there is only one guy that remains even though the game started out with more guys than girls. I guess it may not be all that surprising that a bunch of male nerds would get flustered with chicks around, losing ever head to head gender battle in the Nerd Off. Now will the chicks band together to make sure Ivan (like when Parvati won Survivor) or with the self implode and let the guy win (like that season with Eliza)? Actually come to think of it, has there ever been an all male final on Survivor? (Researching… It has happened three times out of twenty-five seasons; five were all female)

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 2/17/13

Once Upon a Time: So Jack of the beanstalk fame was a chick? Alrighty. About as realistic as watching Hurley trying to run. I also like the promo monkeys making it sound like the reveal of Mr. Gold’s son is going to eb a shocking reveal as anyone who has watched has already figured out that his son is also Henry’s baby daddy.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Revenge: It is common knowledge that the second season of the show just is not as entertaining as the first. I would argue that the Jump the Shark moment was when it was revealed that it was not Daniel who died as witnessed during the series premiere but the Rent Boy instead. And it looks like the show is going to pull that cheap storytelling again this season as it was teases that Jack would end up at the bottom of the ocean at some point but will not actually pull it off as I bet the evil dock owner is the one that will end up dead. Hurmph.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Walking Dead: So after coherently invading Woodbury and successfully saving Glen, Maggie, and then Daryl, Rick is bat-ish crazy again. Yep, seems right. Welcoming back The Walking Dead.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Shameless: Just when you think the show has run out of new ways to offend the audience, a third Malkovich child shows up with an extra package. Apparently nothing came out of Frank calling child services a couple weeks ago, but I am beginning to think maybe a representative should start showing up on set.

House of Lies: I try to avoid anything that involves Matt Damon and got tired of actors playing a douchebag version of themselves a long time ago, but this may have been the most entertaining episode of the show yet.

Switched at Birth: Is it wrong that I started yelling “Deaf Fight!!!” during this episode? Please do not answer that, I already know the answer.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

How I Met Your Mother: Just when you think this was going to be another episode where the writers beat an already not very funny joke into the ground, out walks Mike Tyson. Well done writers, well done.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Dallas: I wonder why Ryland and his mother are perpetrating Bobby lie that he shot him. Does Ryland actually not remember and his mommy told him who shot him? As much as they hate Anne, why not let her rot in jail?
You can download Dallas on iTunes.

Deception: O wow, I was actually right that the dude from the John Laraquette Show was actually Mia father. And now I am beginning to think he killed Edward’s one night stand to have leverage over the Bowers family. But even if the statute of limitations of statutory rape runs out after five years, would accessory to murder still get him jail time. I may just have to move him up on my list of suspect to number two after step-mommy.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Deception on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Huh, it looked like Jason’s flashback was going to show what happened after Mr. Montgomery got threatened by Allison and then Spencer’s sister walked out of her house, but instead of Allison, Jason saw… CeCe? Huh? Maybe it is CeCe is the red coat that is the Master A. And where did Jason go? Unles the Liars are that unobservant that h would just slip by, did he really jump out of the window after falling down an elevator shaft?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Justified: I guess I was not the only one who thought Major Dad was also Drew Thompson. Granted until I see his high school wrestling pictures under the name Josiah, I would be highly suspicious that he still is. But if Major Dad is not Drew Thompson, who is? Since the show like to recycle its guest stars, I have a feeling we have already met him (for half a second, I actually thought that Arlo may be Drew Thompson, but Raylan is too old to not know his father changed his name). Could it be the half naked judge from News Radio? Sherriff Shelby? Constable Bob? Wynn Duffy? Please oh, please let it be Dewey Crowe.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Nashville: I wonder if Gunner and Scarlett ditch Avery’s band just like Avery did. They get wind that Rayna may want to sign them, and no mention of the other guys. I guess with a show with this name, someone needs to stay in Nashville.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

The Americans: Holy Mags Bennett sighting! You knew when Mags showed up in dinner, she was not going to be just some random creepy chick; the only question would be if she were KGB or FBI (or some other three letter agency). It turns out she is the new KGB boss and has no problem killing a chick. But I guess that was the only reasonable outcome (again showing again just how soft the Jennings are getting), with the kid going to his grandparents in Mother Russia.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

Community: Note to the new showrunner: no more Scary Annie please.  It is not brain surgery, put her in highly GIF-able situations.  No need to over-think things when it comes to her.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 2/3/13

Shameless: The show has had some pretty immoral storyline (like this week when Frank tried to scam the Make a Wish Foundation) but they did do something right by organizing a mob to give a beating to a child rapist, a group of people that certainly deserve a ritual beating by the general public. Of course this being Shameless, the perp ended up being a hot chick. But I guess Lip was right that they need scorned too.

Bunheads: I would have absolutely no problem if they shifted the show away from ballet to roller derby. Not at all.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.

Deception: I am ready to fast forward to the part where we learn the mother killed Vivian. She seems like the only plausible person at this point (except maybe the sister in law who looks keen on skipping town).
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Deception on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: So Allison may have been pregnant before she died and may have been killed because of it (and not so coincidently the detective assigned to her murder who is eager to blame it on the Liars happened to be in the vicinity during the conception). Not that I am one to believe CeCe, but an interesting turn of events nonetheless. Not so interesting is Spencer’s spiral this week. Just tell your friends your ex-boyfriend is part of the A-Team and get on with it. And is it not obvious that the key goes to the creepy motel when the A-Team hung out in? That would have been the first place I looked.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Justified: This was an odd episode. No mention of the skydiver plotline and it kind of wrapped up two other plots with Raylan’s girlfriend going into the wind with her husband going back to Florida in restraints. It was even more shocking that they abruptly ended the preacher who I thought would be a thorn in Boyd’s side all season (granted it is probably not completely over with his sister still around and I have a feeling she will reunite with Ellie May at some point). But the sandbag shotgun may have been the greatest invention ever.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

The Americans: I had high hopes for this show after the lackluster offering there was this Fall (the best new show, Last Resort, has already aired its last episode) and though it will under up being the best new show of the season (with all due respect to The Neighbors) the premiere was missing something. I went into the show thinking it would be Justified meets Homeland with Russians. But it misses the subtle humor of Justified (which like The Americans is produced by Graham Yost) and misses the manic craziness of Homeland (though the kids on the show manage to be even more clueless than Chris Brody). And I felt a little creepy seeing Keri Russell get violated multiple times over the course of an hour. I also found it a little weird, and obvious, that the new FBI anti-communism task force member just happened to move across the street (which begs the question, who hangs out in the corner of their garage with a silencer). With that said, I am still on board for a full season. And I have a feeling that the season finale will be the two KGB agents turning themselves in and season two will be them acting as double agents.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

The Big Bang Theory: I had the exact same response Penny had when Sheldon admitted there was a possibility that he may at some point make coitus with Amy at some point.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download The Big Bang Theory on iTunes.

King of the Nerds: Note to producers: during the explanation phase, do not show the actually players scoring because it ruined the suspense of the Nerd Off. If you show the red ball go into the goal and then the pink haired girl gets the red ball we know that she would get at least one goal and would probably win.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 1/27/12

Once Upon a Time: I do not understand why Belle does not remember who Mr. Gold is, I thought if they cross the city line they only forget the fairytale land but still remember Storybrooke. I guess I should not assume that the writers of Lost would remember their own rules. Also, no one cares about Dr. Frankenstein.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Shameless: It looks like we are going to get a power struggle within the Gallagher family as Fiona tries to do things the right way while Lip continues to do it the way the family always has, stealing and scamming. Being that this is Shameless, I have a feeling Lip’s way will win out because I really doubt that Fiona will continue at a loss just to try to dig her way out of her situation. When Frank came back from Mexico I wondered where he landed because he already got kicked out of Sheila’s, his family would not take him back, and the last person he cohabitated with died. Apparently it is back to Shelia’s house, but I still do not see that lasting long.

How I Met Your Mother: Wait, Barney’s half sister is Hanna from Pretty Little Liars? Was this common knowledge? I vaguely remember Barney learning his dad was John Lithgow but I do not remember ever meeting his sister. And how did Lithgow possibly produce someone who looks like Hanna? But I have to admit, I kind of would like Hanna to be the mother.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Bunheads: I do not really care about what happened this week because all I can remember is the promo for next week featuring roller derby. Awesome.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.

Castle: Hasn’t the show already done a Girls Gone Wild episode? Or is it just every other crime show has done one and it just seems like everyone has done one at this point?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Allison was extremely busy on her last day (assuming that Aria was hallucinating and really is dead). She had a sleepover with the Liars, met with that dude who is now dead, had a run in with Jenna and Garrett, blackmailed Mr. Montgomery, and now Melissa is the last person to see her alive. At least until Melissa saw Allison with someone else. I am sure at some point we will learn she had a run-in with Ezra who was not even living there at the time before meeting her demise.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

The Lying Game: I feel a little cheated we did not get a full tennis match between Emma and Sutton, that could have been the whole episode and I would have been fine with it. On the bright side, no more Thayer, he overstayed his welcome a long time ago.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Lying Game on iTunes.

Justified: So it turns out Robert Quarrels’ Detroit boss has been taking some trips down to Dixie because his name interestingly came up during the interrogation scene this week. One thing that is not interesting is the whole snake preacher storyline. I am ready for the to end anytime now.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Parenthood: Those Braverman’s are really a fertile bunch (except for Julia of course). That makes nine grandkids for Zeke (not even including Drew’s mistake). That makes three pregnancies and an adoption in four seasons. I would project Sarah gets knocked up next season, except she picked the dude who went to Minnesota (seriously, who goes from California to Minnesota, the Lakers made the right transition). Maybe Amber is up next.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Parenthood on iTunes.

Nashville: I really liked seeing Rayna and Juliette going at each other on tour these last couple episode, but it is only get better throwing Deacon in the mix… in Juliette’s band. The only way it could get better if they hired both Avery and whatever they are calling Scarlett’s new band as opening acts.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

Last Resort: I guess you really cannot say the ending was rushed because it obviously was as they had to cram an entire series into the last couple episodes. But I am still a bit disappointed we never learned of the conspiracy as to why the president did what he did. Was he just an evil Neo-Con? But it is clear that the that the show would have benefitted had it just been a six episode or so miniseries because it started out strong and came on at the end when they realized it would be canceled, but really dragged in-between.
You can stream recent episodes on Last Resort on iTunes.

Best of the Week - 1/12/13

Quote of the Week: I would like to quote another MC: MC Hammer because when you take the Monet’s and the Mayonnaise, you can’t touch this. Am I right? (Ryan King, Go On)

Song of the Week: It's Oh So Quiet – Bjork (Bunheads)

Scene of the Week:


Big News of the Week: Big Head Barry and the Monsters Never Ever Ever Getting Into the Hall of Fame, Like Ever: In his first ever time on the Baseball Hall of Fame ballot Barry Bonds received only 26.2% of the 75% needed to get elected into the Hall. Other first time ballot players who probably also roided up did not fair any better including Roget Clemons (37.6), Sammy Sosa (12.5). Other notable Big Heads previously on the ballot Mark McGwire (16.9) and Rafael Palmeiro (8.8) actually saw their percentages go down about three points each from last year which does not bode well for the cheaters. It is appropriate that when the three biggest suspected steroid users were on the ballot for the first time that no one was inducted (the first since 1961), thought Craig Biggio, who had the most votes at 68.2% should have gotten in.

Preview Picture of the Week:

Justified "Where's Waldo?" Tuesday at 10:00 on FX

Free Download of the Week: Vangaurd / Sugar Hill Records: The Americana Sessions

New Album Release of the Week: Things I Should Let You Know - Seth Glier

New DVD Release of the Week: The Possession

Video of the Week: When it was announced that the next season of Survivor would be Fans vs. Favorites II I said I would be irate if Kat from One World was not involved. Well consider me irate. Okay, I was irate that night when someone pointed out that the cast list had leaked months earlier. And as bad as the cast looked on paper, Francesca, the first voted off Redemption Island, another season for another annoying Hantz family member, this time Brandon, they actually looked worse in the promo. Did anyone really want to see more of Brenda or Corrine. At least they did bring back the clinically insane Special Agent Philip Sheppard, the clinically idiotic Erik Reichenbach (most famous, well, only famous for the first fans vs. favorites showdown when he gave away his Immunity Idol and then promptly being voted out), and the clinically attractive Andrea Boehlke. Here is hoping the show did a much better job casting the fans this time around.


Next Week Pick of the Week: Shameless, Sunday at 9:00 on Showtime: Even if you do not subscribe, you can still watch the third season premiere thanks to the Showtime free preview this weekend (and thanks to on-demand, you can even watch previous seasons). You can check out my full preview of the new season here.

Previewing Showtime's Sunday Premieres

Showtime is having a free preview this weekend which will include the premieres of Shameless, House of Lies and Californication as well as the television premieres of The Iron Lady and Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1. The free weekend will also offer all seasons of most of the channels current shows ON Demand like Homeland and Dexter. So you can catch up with the shows premiering this weekend and here is a preview of the three shows.

Shameless really out did itself for its second season finale when Karen gave birth to Lip’s baby only for it to turn out to be Asian with Down syndrome. Sheila chose the baby over Karen and so this season Karen is out of the credits (Mandy Malkovich gets promoted to take her place and also takes her place in the gratuitous nudity department too). Oh yeah, and as it turned out Ian was sleeping with Jimmy’s father.

The new season opens up 137 days later just short of Easter (do not bother doing the math, it does not really work out, especially considering someone is home from college for the summer) and no one has seen Frank who has just woken up in his weirdest surroundings ever. Speaking of superlatives, Fiona is now working a job so disgusting I am surprised Mike Rowe did not pop up. And Veronica and Kev’s latest way to get money may be the show’s most offensive storyline yet which says a lot.

At least Jimmy has moved in but do not expect the domestic bliss to last very long as he still kind of have a wife. And speaking of wives, we finally get to meet Kev’s this season. And she does not show up alone. That is not the only unexpected visitor this season because we also meet a third Malkovich sibling who shows up with something entirely unexpected. I would call it shocking, but the only way Shameless could shock anyone anymore would to not do anything shocking.

Shameless airs Sundays at 9:00 on Showtime.


Following Shameless is an all new season of House of Lies which picks up a week after last season’s finale with Jeanie and Marty try to figure out what exactly happened that night during their alcohol induced stupor (they did go shot for shot during the final seconds of the finale). And after Jeannie took down the Rainmaker to save the pod’s life, there is a new female boss. Not that the Pod is still safe under new management. Thematically, there really are no major changes, so if you did not like the first season, you may not like the new one. But for those that like the following show, there is an homage to Californication in the season premiere.

House of Lies airs Sundays at 10:00 on Showtime.


The big news for the new season of Californication is the inclusion of The Token Hot Chick from Lost playing a groupie muse (while the Token Fat Dude from Lost also makes a cameo in an episode). Hank meets her in rehab in the second episode where Hank’s counselor is a familiar face which is also inhabited by a couple famous faces (which unfortunately do not play themselves).

Californication airs Sundays at 10:30 on Showtime.

Best of the Week - 3/30/12

Quote of the Week: We just shot the guy that’s looking to kill the guy you’re dying to see dead. (Art, Justified)

Song of the Week: Zou Bisou, Bisou – Megan Draper (Mad Men)

Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: Trayvon Martin: I am not going to pretend I knew what happened during the shooting like many of the talking heads on television or the internet, but I will saw the Stand Your Ground Law is the dumbest idea ever in the history of dumb idea. It gives carte blanche to anyone who “thinks” they are being threatened, but if that law was ever instituted here I would fear threatened just for walking outside not knowing that someone having a bad day with a gun could take homage of a perceived slight from me.

Preview Picture of the Week:



Free Download of the Week: Pilot - Don't Trust the (Expletive Deleted) in Apartment 23 (iTunes)

Deal of the Week: Save up to 62% on Select HBO Favorites (Game of Thrones, Rome, Eastbound and Down)

New Album Release of the Week: My Head Is an Animal - Of Monsters and Men

New DVD Release of the Week: Eagleheart: Season One

Video of the Week: Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest acoustic metal band of all time is back. Yes Tenacious D are releasing a new album. And for those wondering what the band has been up to since The Pick of Destiny bombed at the box office, this video, complete with Val Kilmer, and, um, Josh Grobin, should catch you up.



Next Week Pick of the Week: Shameless, Sunday at 9:00 on Showtime: A lot went down last week with Karen giving birth to an Asian kid that her mother took from the hospital, Steve Jimmy giving his identity to his wife’s boyfriend, Harry Hamlin got naked, oh yeah, and Monica slit her wrists. All those plotlines play out tonight with some shocking endings (and Hamlin’s appearance proves not to be a one off as Ian runs into him is a surprising situation). And for those disappointed at Fiona’s ability to keep herself fully clothed that last couple episodes, you should be happy with tonight’s episode.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 3/25/12

Once Upon a Time: When Rumplestilskin combined the hairs of Snow White and Prince Charming, I thought he was creating a child from the hair which made me wonder if that kid grew up and became the mysterious writer. That was until I remember that would make him Emma’s brother, who he asked out on a date (but then again Luke and Leia flirted in the first fourth Star Wars movie, so not out of the realm of possibilities). Since he showed up in Storybrooke, I theorized he was banished from the fairy tale world much like Emma, and this at least this new theory would explain his existence.

Elsewhere, it is a little creepy that it turned out to be Katherine’s heart in the box; I assumed it would turn out to be an animal’s heart. Of course it can still turn out that Regina (or even Gold) had someone tamper with the results and my theory that Katherine is hanging out with Belle in the dungeon could still be correct.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Shameless: The show likes to come up to the preverbal line and then jump across it, but Mandi’s baby daddy turning out to be her own father just went way too far even for this show. Naturally whenever Mandi shows up I get visions of Tessa Altman and I glad she is off in the suburbs so she was not around for this storyline.

House of Lies: Was Pop-Up Videos even around in 2002? I thought it was off the air by then.

The Voice: I have been down with Cee Lo Green from the Goodie Mob days through his Prefect Imperfection all the way up to Gnarls Barkley (okay, no one really loved his Perfect Imperfections). But I am now out on Cee-Lo after he picked the horrible Erin Martin over the awesomeness of Wayne’s World The Shields Brothers!. But at least Dia Frampton can now rest easier now that she no longer owns the title of worst Battle Round duet in the history of the show.

I understand Cee-Lo can enjoy weirdness, but there is good weird (i.e. Heart-Shaped Box last week) but Erin is just bad weird, and even if you do like her voice, she still hit some painfully bad notes during this performance. What was almost as disappointing as Cee-Lo pick in the winner was his choice of song. Yes Tina Turner was an inspiring, but if you are going to have one of her songs, how could it not be We Don't Need Another Hero (Thunderdome)? Can you image how awesome that performance could have been, Erin was already dressed for it. And by awesome, I mean awesomely bad. I feel cheated.

Yet Erin over the Shields Brothers was not even the biggest shocker of the night, I was shocked, shocked, SHOCKED when Ashley De La Rosa, who I assumed was just a tomato can considering her Blind Audition was relegated to a montage (please note that the three singers last year just happened to go up against three finalist during the Battle Round), beat Jonathas who got all the girls in a tizzy when he auditioned. Thankfully Christina Aguilera did give him the boot now so the teen girl faction cannot vote him further than he should go. I do blame his early exit on his bad tattoos. Whoever is pictured on his arm (his wife? Daughter? Jon Bon Jovi circa 1988?) should be offended at how bad the depiction of them is. But why not show Ashley’s Blind Auction, it was not a train wreck. Did she not have a sobby enough of a sob story? (her The Voice page boasts she is a, “trilingual straight-A student”.) Or is America not cool enough to get a V V Brown song, which she performed?

Actually much like last week, upsets were plentiful this week, aside from the Shields Brothers, I would have guessed that Angel Taylor Gwen Sebastian would have an easy time getting to the Live Shows. That is seven times this season I have been really shocked by the outcome of the battle based solely on the contestants Blind Audition and how they were portrayed on the show.

One final comment: how does Blake Shelton not know Heart Shaped Box but has Get Outta My Dreams (Get Into My Car) at the ready? I think much like presidential candidates have to release their financial records; Blake should have to release the songs he has on his iPod.



You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. Check the widget at left to download the songs from this episode.

Switched at Birth: Holy Rodger Dorn sighting! I guess that means Wilkie will not be going to boarding school next season because you do not bring in Roger Dorn for just one scene. Plus the deaf third wheel was a great addition to the Daphne / Wilkie relationship this week.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

The River: Of course the river will not let them leave. Not that we will get to see how it turns out.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The River on iTunes.

Justified: The problem with a great promo it can overshadow an episode and this is a prime example. With a couple more episodes left in the season, I kind of knew nothing much would come out of Raylan’s “Why wait” suggestion to Quarles and the barmaid did end squashing it. And that really made the rest of the episode feel like filler because of it. Though I came to the realization this week that even despite the plastic face, Win has some of the greatest reaction shots to Quarles’s craziness.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: One World: I am conflicted about this week, usually I do not wish pain on anyone, but if someone deserved it, it definitely is Colton who even manage to up his douchebagary before being hauled off on a stretcher when he suggested, twice, and even to her face that Christina should jump in the fire so she does not have to wait to be voted off. I would have live to see Christina manage coup and vote Colton off instead with an Idol in his pocket, but I am glad he is gone by any means.

But what know? It was an odd bit of editing that they gave so much screen time to someone who was gone before the merge to the point the only other people I know that are left are Kat and Tarzan and I only know them because they are complete morons (or is it Troyzan that is the idiot?). Should be interesting who emerges as the leader without Colton there. Hopefully it is not Alicia. And I was really disappointed that they did not vote right after the merge, I have longed for the time Survivor would have a surprise vote before anyone has time to strategize.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.



Bent: I am glad to have Landry Clarke back on television, but I am not entirely sure what the show is all about. It seems to me the show should have been a hour long drama that just happens to be funny because it is not funny enough to be a sitcom. And just how many failed sitcoms is NBC going to give the male lead whose name I have not bothered to learn because his shows never stick around? Plus naming him Riggins on a show with Landry Clarke is a bit distracting.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bent on iTunes.

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes: My favorite part of the episode was the running temperature gauge. My second favorite, how CT dove right in after the dude said not to.
You can stream recent episodes over at mtv.com. You can also download The Challenge: Battle of the Exes on iTunes.

Community: Of course Fresh Stewart was playing a French Stewart impersonator who was now too old for the role. Welcome back Community.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Awake: My favorite part of this episode was the name: Kate Is Enough. It nice to see a show that takes itself overly serious would name an episode so cheesily.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Awake on iTunes.

Best of the Week - 3/17/12

Quote of the Week: Now I am off to lead a pack of tiny testosterone animals to victory. Got to warm them up and give them my best Friday Night Lights speech about hearts or eyes or some (expletive deleted). (Steve, Shameless)

Song of the Week: King of Rock – Run-DMC (Happy Endings)

Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: It’s March Madness Baby!: The first round is less about how many games you won but how many teams you have going deep in your bracket still around. And when one half of your Final Four is out on the first day really is not a good sign. Thanks Missouri and Duke. But like it is the last couple years, the big story is Barack Obama’s bracket which surprisingly is not completely chalk this year and even has an eleventh seed in the Sweet Sixteen. Sure his other three regions are pretty much chalk and has the overall top two teams in the finals.

Preview Picture of the Week:

Pretty Little Liars Season Finale

Most Worthless The Walking Dead Character of the Week: T-Dogg (so when they are rounding up a posse to hunt down an armed dude, they choose the ten pound Asian Glen who got trigger shy a couple episodes back over T-Dogg; which begs the question, who else is above T-Dogg in the hunting queue? Maggie? Hershel? Carl?)

Free Download of the Week: Beautiful Day - U2 (Google Play)

New Album Release of the Week: Tuskegee - Lionel Richie

New DVD Release of the Week: The Muppets

Video of the Week: I gave up on spoilers almost a decade ago after finally realizing they were ruining my television experience, but the one concession I make is that I still watch the promos that follow the shows which are like my nicotine patch that keeps me from spoiler site. Granted I should just turn off my television when the credits run because the promos routinely spoil the show anyway or are just misleading. With all the crap I do give to the promo monkeys, the promo for next week’s Justified is the single greatest promo ever in the history of television. “Why wait?” More like “Can’t wait!”



Next Week Pick of the Week: Pretty Little Liars, Monday at 8:00 on ABC Family: Monday is the big day when we will finally learn who A is on the season finale of Pretty Little Liars. Check out my odd of who is behind the texts here: Oddsmakers: Who Is A?

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 2/26/12

Once Upon a Time: I was half expecting that the guy under the gold amour to turn out to be motorcycle dude. Instead he just copied (I think) Henry’s book for some unknown reason (I still think he is the author). I also am assuming that August W. Booth is an anagram for something; I am just too lazy, and do not care enough, to figure it out. Either way I just hope they do not drag it out for that much longer.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Shameless: Poor Jody, married for not even a full episode before getting kicked out. Hopefully he sticks around for the rest of the season to sing more horrible songs.

The Walking Dead: It is never a good sign for a show when one of the mail leads is left in pearl and the audience universally cheers for her potential death even though she is one of the main leads and everyone knows in the back of their minds knows that she will make it somehow. But I am sure there were a lot of watcher disappointed that Lori actually survived flipping her car twice and two zombie attacks. Another bad sign: the most entertaining moment of the entire episode was the unintentional comedy of Maggie brushing aside her father to hug Glen.
You can stream recent episodes over at amc.com. You can also download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Pan Am: It is too bad the show took itself too seriously in the beginning because now that they have started incorporated more absurd plotlines like Kate taking down a British intelligence agent, Collette dating a prince, and best of all, Ted’s open marriage (c’mon, who turns down a proposal to be married to the hot chick from the annoying vampire films and have the token hot chick as a marriage).
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pan Am on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Very high on my list of potential “A” was the trio of Hermy the Hermaphrodite, the blind chick, and Mona, although if A is targeting Mona, that really puts holes in that theory. Unless Mona as A did it to through the Liars off her scent now that they are closing in. Although now that we know at least two of the Liars’ families have ties to that shut down law firm that was connected to the phone number, I wonder what exactly happened at the place.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

The Voice: Sure there have been three artists so far that I had on my iPod previous to the show, not only do I have Charlotte Sometimes in my music library, I have actually written about here on the 9th Green. And just to show how great talent scout that I am, four years ago I predicted a bigger career for Charlotte over Katy Perry (see Toss Up: Katy Perry vs. Charlotte Sometimes). Oops. But her song How I Could Just Kill a Man (which as it turned out was not a Cypress Hill cover) even came in at #44 on my list of The 100 Best Songs of 2008; #36 on The 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders of the 00’s; and #608 on The 1000 Greatest Songs of the 00’s.

One thing the struck me while watching Nicolle Galyon (who apparently stole Jennifer Morrison’s Thiller jacket from Once Upon a Time) play the piano is that maybe the coaches should be let in on what instrument the contestants are playing because that could be a selling point for the contestant especially for sandwich maker Jamie Lono whose guitar picking was what made his take on Folsom Prison Blues so unique. But then again the show is called The Voice, not The Musician.

One of the breakout moments of this season is just how irate Blake Shelton gets whenever someone presses their button after he does. It may overtake Carson Daly’s awkward high fives with contestants as most entertaining moments on the show. And what was with the blink and you’ll miss it cameo from Kirk Franklin who also landed on my Greatest One Hit Wonders but for the 90’s, which makes me wonder if Anthony Evans was in God’s Property. At any rate, Christina Aguilera again bolstered her old black dude contingent.

Oh yeah, and one more thing, what the heck happened to Ducky?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download songs from the show through the widget at right.




How I Met Your Mother: Whew, we really dodged a bullet there with Ted realizing Robin was in love with Barney, I could not stand another season of that coupling.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

The Lying Game: They have hinted at it for since the beginning but it was nice to see Sutton go straight up evil this week having both Emma and Ethan think the other had an affair during their time apart.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Lying Game on iTunes.

Castle: I knew the rouge CIA guy was not the bad guy, but I did not see the Flashdancer being a KGB sleeper agent who had nothing better to do than bring down the world’s government. Now that is what I call a plot twist. I guess since Caste’s father was in the CIA I have a feeling he will end up tying into Beckett mother’s murder. Who knew Castle even had a dad?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Switched at Birth: Is it wrong that I was highly entertained by the fight in sign language?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

The River: Just when you think Eloise Mumford could not get any more geek chicier when she donned glasses last week, she breaks out an accordion this week. If she wears a Ramona Flowers wig next week, my head might explode. But the endings to these episodes are really getting cheesy. So far they have trapped an evil spirit in blood and dumped it in the river, traded the bones of a mother for another, appeased natives by simply saying they would sacrifice themselves (but not actually doing so), and this week they broke a curse by breaking a phone holding a sacred video. The show really needs to cross the proverbial lines one of these days.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The River on iTunes.

Justified: Where last season had a new showdown between the principals even other episode this season has been a much slower burn to the end with Raylan, Boyd, crazy Detroit Guy, and Bubba Gump playing some weird four person chess board that Sheldon Cooper would invent. Hopefully we start getting some checkmates soon and have them not all come in the season finale.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Parenthood: Just when you think they could not make the Julia / Zoey storyline any more heartbreaking, there is Zoey at the end of the episode holding the son she could not bring to hold after delivery. I am still holding out hope that Julia just goes ahead and adopt Zoey and her kid. And someone should tell Crosby that when Dwayne Motherfracking Wayne tries to give you a million dollars, you take it. Does he not realize how many flip sunglasses that would buy?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Parenthood on iTunes.

Survivor: One World: Where the frack was Probst during the reward challenge? Are they slowly transitioning into a Probst-less version of the series in the near future? I really hope not. When they first showed the Immunity Challenge I thought it would originally favor the woman because females have better balance than med do, but forgot about other, um, assets women have that men do that would get in the way give the guys the heavy advantage. But again I was wrong after it was brought to my attention that the last Men vs. Women season, this exact challenge was won by the girls’ tribe and won before the guys could get a second member in. So apparently these women may be the most dysfunctional tribe in the history of Survivor. But on the bright side, Kat looks really good doing it.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.



Suburgatory: Yep, Dalia remains the most evil thing on television, her diatribe at the dance was downright spine tingling (although I kind of hope it is a bit of foreshadowing of what is to come). And it might be time to give Kimantha more screen time.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Suburgatory on iTunes.

Happy Endings: It is nice to see that I am not the only person that grows a beard in winter time. It is totally practical.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Happy Endings on iTunes.

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes: Watching Camilla’s drunken ten minute tirade I came to the realization that Survivor really needs to start have more alcohol related reward challenges.
You can stream recent episodes over at mtv.com. You can also download The Challenge: Battle of the Exes on iTunes.

The Big Bang Theory: Bongo Solo!!!!!!!
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download The Big Bang Theory on iTunes.