Previewing The Client List 2.x: A Dude's Review of Lifetime vol. II

In a measure of full discourse, I should mention I am a straight man so in my lifetime, I have managed to avoid the Lifetime network. I think it is somewhere in between the local sports network and MSNBC (natch). I am not entirely sure, but I also think the Lifetime Movie Channel (which I think are affiliated with each other) is among that tier of three digit channels I never go into (which begs the question why am I paying so much for cable when I watch less than twenty of the a thousand channels I have, but anyway).

But recently Lifetime was kind enough to give me access to their screeners so I decided to check out all they have to offer (I fear I will be spending the weekend watching all the Lifetime movies they have to offer including Restless Virgins starring Switched at Birth’s Vanessa Marano premiering this Saturday) one of which is the second season premiere of The Client List. Since I did not have time to watch the entire first season, I watched the eight minute recap video embedded below:

So Jennifer Love Hewitt has to turn to prostitution after her husband leaves her for a mountain of debt and has to juggle being a single mom, dating, and breaking the law. And then her husband comes back to make things even more complicated. But forget about Love, who knew that Bridget from R Kelly was on the show!?! Please tell me on the show she is having an affair black midget that cannot control his bladder while married to Chalky White from Boardwalk Empire. I am actually excited to watch now, let move on to season two.

It dawned on me while watching the second season premiere that this may be the first time I have seen anything with Jennifer Love Hewitt in it since Heartbreakers. Actually, has she even been in anything since Heartbreakers besides Ghost Whisperer? It is amazing to think how Love went from the hottest thing on the planet for a year and half to just completely drop off the cultural zeitgeist.

I really cannot talk much about the actual second season premiere because like many advanced viewing, I am forbidden by the network from reporting any big spoilers, and there is a pretty big plot twist at the start of the episode (which opens where the last season ended with a state trooper getting out of his patrol car) and that plot carries through the entire episode. I can tease that someone quits The Rub, another finds love, there is an unintentionally funny training montage set to Kelly Clarkson, and someone actually utters the line, “You’re really going to blow the clients away, pun intended.” I can also sadly report that Bridget does not have any run-ins with any black midgets. Oh well, maybe next episode.

The Client List airs Sundays at 10:00 on Lifetime. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Client List on iTunes.

Words Are Only in My Mouth

Kate Nash rode the wave of neo-pop music coming out of England late last decade following in the footsteps Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse. Her first two albums were filled with fun throwbacks sounding songs filled with enough snark satisfy any jaded music listener. But something happened after that as she dyed her hair darker and started sounding more like a Riot Grrrl than her poppier sound when she released her Death Proof EP where her trademark snark gives way to pure anger.

Her third full length album Girl Talk tends to bridge the gap between her earlier retro-pop style and Death Proof’s angry nineties white girl style. The new album does feature two songs from Death Proof, the title track from the EP and Fri-end which comes after the album opener Part Heart. They are followed by songs like Sister, where she gets screamier the more the song drags on, and fits in very well with her bass guitar heavy darker sound.

But I like it much better when she reverts back to her original sound like on songs like OMYGOD! Cheesy stylization aside, this is where she goes back to her one woman girl group sound. The best is on 3AM which would not sound out of place on those first two album but more danceable. Girl Talk ends with a duo of surprisingly sparse songs (even more surprising than Rap for Rejection where Nash, well, raps). First up is the acoustic sing along You’re So Cool, I’m So Freaky which is followed by Lullaby for Insomniacs which for the most part drops even the acoustic guitar. It ended up being a better turn than the angrier start to the album.

Song to Download – 3AM

Girl Talk gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Want My Music Television - 3/5/13

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Mama’s Broken Heart – Miranda Lambert


I kind of miss Desperate Housewives while watching the new Miranda Lambert music video. Well, not really.


It's Alright - Matt & Kim


Whenever a new Matt and Kim music video is released, you know you are going to get something creative but the synchronized swimming in the bed is not their best idea. Though I did like the ode to the Dougie.


Chameleon/Comedian – Kathleen Edwards


My jaw dropped when the first knife went through Kathleen Edwards, but by the definitely laughing by the time the saw went into her side. Though I was a bit disappointed when the arrow did not go through her head as an homage to the old Steve Martin bit.


Only a Clown – Caitlin Rose


Whenever these artists go with the filmed in the eighties camcorder look, I always wonder if they actually use an old camcorder or just add the squiggly line at the bottom and other effects in post. But anyway. Caitlin Rose drops her new album today and it is worth giving a listen.

A Very Spoilery Review of Looper

Over the weekend I watch the movie Looper starring Joseph Gordon-Levett where he plays the younger version of Bruce Willis (even though he clearly looked like he was a younger version Ed Norton to the point that I wondered if Norton was replaced at the last minute and Gordon-Levett just said, “screw it, I spent months perfecting my Ed Norton, I am just going to go with it) who has to kill his future self when his future crime boss sent Willis back from the future to be killed off by current day looper, thus closing the loop. As the title suggests, this review is going to be very spoilery, so if you have not seen the film, stop reading, go watch the movie and come back here. It is definitely worth watching and discussing which is what I am about to do.

Last chance, because I am about to spoil the ending.

There are eventually three theories when it comes to time travel, 1) time is a linear unit so if you went back in time you will not be able to change anything because it already happened and you were already there, like on Lost. 2) If you time travel you are creating an alternative timeline so you can change the future in the current timeline, just the timeline you just created, like on Terra Nova (or so I assumed, I never watched the show). 3) If you go back in time, be careful because you may alter history, like when Marty McFly almost ceased to exist when he made up with his future mom. Looper follows the third theory of time travel.

Before, and during the movie I have always subscribed to the philosophy that you do not kill Hitler if given the chance via time travel. Who knows, Hitler may have been suppressing someone ever worse that would rise in his void. You may even cease to exist because you grandfather may have met, and fallen in love with someone who would have died at the hands of the Nazis instead of your grandmother meaning your father is never conceived, and neither are you. But there was a point where I figured that Bruce Willis has changed enough; he might as well kill the Rainmaker.

This is why I was a bit disappointed with the ending. At the end, starring at Willis starring at Emily Blunt, shielding the future Rainmaker, Gordon-Levitt had three options: 1) kill Willis and help Emily raise the Rainmaker and make sure he harnesses his powers for good. 2) Help Willis hunt down the future Rainmaker to make sure his reign of terror never starts. But Joseph picked the third and what I thought was the worst of the three options he had: killing himself (and in turn taking Bruce with him to the afterlife) leaving the world to fend for itself against the Rainmaker.

That is not to say I did not enjoy Looper, it was my favorite sci-fi movie since Inception, but the more I think about the ending, the more I dislike keeping it from being as good as Inception along with some of the lesser quibbles I have (how does Blunt know about Looper? I was disappointed that Jeff Daniels did not play a bigger part in the whole of the movie; I thought he would turn out to be the Rainmaker’s father or possibly the older version of his inept employee that kept shooting his own foot). But the movie did make me think and I wish there were many more movies released these days that make you think and debate as much as I have spent debating the ending with myself alone.

Looper gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 3/3/13

Shameless: When Papa Milcovich called in “The Russian” I thought, uh oh, those boys are in some real trouble. Nope, the Russian was just a prostitute brought in to sex the gay out of them. And that did not even rank in the top two most offensive parts of the show this week. Number one would be having sex with your mother-in-law while your wife gets you aroused because a turkey baster did not work. And then there was Frank holding his clean urine in his mouth for who knows how long.

House of Lies: I used to think the pre-teen stripper routine would be the most offensive dance sequence from Little Miss Sunshine would be the most offensive dance I would ever see involving kids, but now Roscoe and his posse takes the top spot. Congratulation… I think?

How I Met Your Mother: I really hope that some savvy producer saw this and realizes it is about time for a Weekend at Bernie's reboot (something I have pushed for the last couple years). Maybe even Judd Apatow who would go ahead and have Jason Segal play the Andrew McCarthy role (though it would be better to have someone like Seth Rogan take on Jonathan Silverman part instead of Ted Mosby). Then just bring in Jim Carrey as Bernie. It is a surprise no studio has yet hired me to run their reboot department.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Dallas: Only the Ewing’s would know the best way to overcome armed thugs would to fake(?) a fight with each other.
You can download Dallas on iTunes.

Bunheads: It was a little weird that after an entire episode about a group of girls thinking about losing their virginity, they choreograph a big dance sequence around Makin' Whoopie. And for those not sure what the difference between boys and girls, the girls plan for weeks, if not month or years, like in the episode, guys just want it to happen anywhere with anyone, preferably as soon as possible.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.

Castle: Not as cool as Liam Neeson’s “skills” speech, but I liked the French dude’s speech to the microphone on the wall. Too bad he turned out to be a chicken and had to die. And we finally got to meet papa castle (shame on the promo monkeys for spoiling that reveal last week), it was teased a couple seasons ago that he worked deep cover. And really, if Stana Katic ever got bored with the show, I would not a mind a Castle and Castle spy spin-off. Or throw in Alexis and make it Castle Cubed.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Deception: I really hope that it does not turn out that Julian’s booty called turned out to be Vivian’s murderer. That would be as dumb as Rosie Larson’s aunt accidentally killing her.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Deception on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Plaster all those annoying phrases with the pound sign on the screen as much as you want, I do not believe that was Toby out in the woods until I see a face. I am more inclined to believe that was Detective Waldon under the cap. But my favorite part of the show was when Hanna pushed the cop car into the lake. I was really hoping that it would sink about a foot before she realized that lake was not deep enough to cover an entire car.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

The Lying Game: I am not surprised Ted would place flowers on the grave of someone who is blackmailing him, but I just do not see him as a murderer / kidnapper. I have a feeling it will turn out the Ted feals responsible for the death, he just did not do it himself.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Lying Game on iTunes.

Justified: Wow, they actually killed Arlo off. And what a way to go… out fighting but hanging on long enough to tell his son to kiss him somewhere unsanitary one last time. Awesome. So if you had Arlo in your Who Is Drew Thompson Office Pool, you may want to stop planning your cruise you were going to purchase with winning (which is probably for the best). Granted Arlo was always the least likely to be Drew. So that leaves (or the people we have seen this season) the three white collar criminals that Boyd is shaking down and Sherriff Shelby. But I do not know why they are spending so much time having the ex wife looking at pictures because wouldn’t Drew have had copious amounts of plastic surgery by now? Wait a second, could Wynn Duffy be Drew Thompason?
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: I wonder if there was some heavy editing during the Immunity Challenge because why did they let Fratboy #2 to continue to try to throw the hook and keep missing when Fratboy #1 got it on his first try, and Shamar was also able to get it fairly quickly. But his inability was never brought up (which makes me think that it was heavy editing). Speaking of creative editing, I think it may have been some foreshadowing editing that Andrea talks about not telling the wrong person her plan to oust Corrine followed by her telling Brandon the plan. Did she not see his season? He blabbed his alliance’s secrets, what made her think he could keep a secret by someone he hates: i.e. absurdly attractive chicks.

Poor Shamar, he dumped on throughout Tribal Council, and probably rightfully so, but he was right in his memory of his conversation with Hope and all she had to do was just vote for Fratboy #2 and she would have stay. Granted it would had been awesome if there was a three way tie, and after a revote, a two-way tie which would had led to another revote.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Philippines on iTunes.

Modern Family: The neo-folk revival of Mumford and Sons have gotten so big that even Alex Dumphey is in a knockoff band. Actually I would not mind hearing more of the Eclectic Light Dorchestra.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Modern Family on iTunes.

Nashville: I feel as if I just complained about this, but what chick really gives guys, “I am sorry someone close to you just died” sex? C’mon, this just does not happen. It was almost as weird as Dan Auerbach of The Black Keys showing up for Deacon’s birthday party to hit on Rayna fresh off her divorse.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

Community: It may be a long slog to the inevitable death of this zombie show, but at least we got to see Annie in an Octoberfest costume before it was thankfully put out of its misery.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

King of the Nerds: As a stats nerd, I have to call shenanigans. The probability is astronomical that every time someone had a clear advantage (like Moo in both challenges this week as a NASA employee) throughout the show has lost. Every single time. Either the show is playing up the strengths of each contestant or there is some manipulations going on behind the scenes. As for a prediction for who will win next week, I am going with Genevieve.

Best of the Week - 3/2/13

Quote of the Week: Why do they all have mustaches? (Carl, Shameless)

Song of the Week: I Swear – All-4-One (House of Lies)

Scene of the Week:


Big News of the Week: The Oscars, Yawn: I have only watched the Oscars once in my life (the Chris Rock year) and I certainly was not going to tune in for Seth McFarlane. I did flip over during the commercial breaks of The Walking Dead to see Les Misérables win the award for Best Hair which I found odd because they kept showing Anne Hathaway getting her hair chopped of; that does not seem very hard or award worthy. Then I saw McFarlane talk about John Wilkes Booth was the only person that truly got inside Abraham Lincoln’s head which he must have known was going to bomb because he had another lame follow up joke after everyone groaned. Can they please give Rock another chance? Actually do not, that way I do not have to watch the borefest ever again.

Preview Picture of the Week:

The Lying Game "The Grave Truth" Tuesday at 9:00 on ABC Family

Free Download of the Week: Four Songs - Myla Smith (Noisetrade)

Deal of the Week: $2.99 Greatest Hits: Pick up Best Of packages from Hootie and the Blowfish, Prince, The Eagles, JamesTaylor and more.


New Album Release of the Week: The Stand-In - Caitlin Rose

New DVD Release of the Week: The Bay

Video of the Week: Last year History debuted the very well done Hatfields & McCoys and now they are trying to transition that to a full series with the debut of Vikings this Sunday. Hopefully it is just as good. And if that is not enough Vikings for you, in two weeks History is releasing The Real Vikings Collection with three of its special programs. Look for my review of the set around the time it is released.


Next Week Pick of the Week: Grimm, Friday at 9:00 on NBC: I vaguely remember there was once a show called Grimm who had its mid-season finale around Halloween thanks to it pre-Olympics early start. Even fuzzier was what was going on prior to the hiatus. The promos would suggest that Juliet was hooking up with Nick’s boss and Nick just found out (I think it had to do with the sleeping beauty storyline from the premiere). Hopefully there is a lengthy “Previously On” segment.

I Got More Rhymes than the Bible's Got Psalms

It is time of year again where it is time to put on some green, fill out your brackets while sipping on a Shamrock Shake. And of course thanks to seeing it in the House of Pain video, pin on your “Expletive deleted) me I’m Irish” button even if you do not have any relative from the Emerald Isles. Jump Around will be getting plenty of play over the next couple weeks as one of the preeminent Irish song that does not even feature bagpipes and is this month’s induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame.

Sure Jump Around will get any St. Patrick’s Day party pumping, but it is in the pantheon of great party starting of all time at any party throughout the year. Really, if you put the song on, every guy in between the ages of twenty and fifty will stop whatever they are doing and start shouting, and jumping, along. The only other songs that have the same effect on such a wide range of males are Glory Days and N.W.A.’s Automobile.

From the opening royal horns, you knew you were witnessing something new, and then the screaming sample kicked in and the song kicked into high gear like a dirtier and grimier version of the rock tinged rap invented in the early Def Jam day. It is almost four minutes of a full frontal assault where Everlast is serving everyone up like John McEnroe even if it is your girl (the sound effect there may be the most entertainly offensive sound effect ever in a song).

One of the few disappointments on the group’s debut album it turns out the prelude song from the Jump Around video does not actually precede the song, but it shows up as a full song later as House of Pain Anthem for anyone who want to jam to it. It is one of the few slower songs on the album while rest it filled with plenty of (expletive deleted) kicking songs (including Put on Your (Expletive Deleted) Kickers) featuring the likes of B-Real from Cypress Hill, Son Doobie of Funkdoobiest, and the great Pete Rock adds a verse to his remix of Jump Around.

But the best song on the set after the original Jump Around is very appropriate for the month Shamrocks and Shenanigans. Go ahead and skip the original version and go straight to the Butch Vig Remix (who was between coming off producing Nirvana’s Nevermind and forming Garbage when he remixed the track). The fuzzed out track is one of the great lost alternative songs from the Golden Age of Alternative Rock and should be added to any St. Patrick playlists you are working on this month.

Around the Tubes - 2/28/13

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on The Client List, Dallas, Veep, Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp, Brand X, Carrie Underwood, Californiacation, new DVD releases, Are You Tougher Than a Boy Scout?, Pete Holmes, King of the Nerds, and Celebrity Apprentice.

- Kiddies sit right down so I can tell you a story. Believe it or not, there was a time when Jennifer Love Hewitt was Kate Upton, Zooey Deshanel, and Katy Perry all rolled into one. Okay, she only tried to be a singer. Actually that may have been her downfall because after that her Party of Five spin-off crashed and burned and nobody cared when she did two summers ago in theaters. But these days Love is back on the small screen, even got a second season, and she just recorded a new song I'm a Woman, produced by Randy Jackson, for the upcoming season of The Client List, returning March 10 to Lifetime.


- Dallas will be saying farewell to their iconic character J.R. Ewing on March 11, and until they you can view all seven episodes of the second season over at tntdrama.com (the seventh video, airing Monday, will become available after it airs) until the day after the special episode airs.

- The second season of Veep does not premiere until April 14, but you can check out a first look below:


- At this years Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp: Brian Wilson and Jeff Beck. Not too shabby.

- Starting tonight, Brand X moves to 11:00 on FX with guest star Dermot Mulroney. No word yet if they will be playing Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney.

- Six time GRAMMY winner Carrie Underwood will bring her critically acclaimed “Blown Away Tour” to AXS TV for a LIVE full concert performance from Citizens Business Bank Arena in Ontario, California on Sunday, March 3rd.

- When most people think comedy, they probably do not think Marilyn Manson, but the Antichrist Superstar will be on this weekend’s episode Californication when Hank tries to scare his daughter straight by showing what the rock star lifestyle turns you into. Needless to say, it does not turn out as planned for Hank.

- New DVD’s out this week include Midnight Stallion which centers on a young girl and her family who are rescued from their financial struggle by an unexpected guest and stars Kris Kristofferson (Joyful Noise, Dolphin Tale), Jodelle Ferland (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, ParaNorman), and Chelah Horsdal (Rise of the Planet of the Apes); the Hallmark Movie Channel Original, The Seven Year Hitch, starring Darin Brooks (“CSI Miami,” “Castle,”), Natalie Hall (“Pretty Little Liars,” “Law and Order: SVU”), Frances Fisher (Titanic), Griffin Cleveland (“The Walking Dead,” “Desperate Housewives”), Ryan Doom (“Raising Hope”), and George Wendt (“Cheers”); the Lifetime Original Movie based on a true story, Abducted: The Carlina White Story, and Power Rangers: Clash of the Red Rangers Movie.


- I had to shake my head when Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader? premiered because it would be sad to think people could actually lose. This Monday Nat Geo Wild premieres Are You Tougher than a Boy Scout? and sadly, I probably should not find out.

- Conan will be getting some company late night on TBS this fall as the channel has ordered up a late night comedy series starring Pete Holmes. In other TBS news, dust off you Klingon dictionary because King of the Nerds has been reviewed for a second season. No word if they have taken my suggestion to bring in Ted McGinley and/or The Ogre.

- All-Star Celebrity Apprentice seems a little redundant (and a double oxymoron considering who is involved), but it premieres this Sunday and here is the full trailer:

Previewing Boston's Finest

It has been well documented on this site my dislike of the city of Boston and everything about it (see Previewing Wicked Tuna) but if there is one thing about Beantown that I do not hate massively it is the musical styling’s of the Dropkick Murphys. So TNT’s latest foray into unscripted drama, Boston’s Finest, where cameras follow the lives of Boston police officers both on and off the job, gets a small pass. Granted that pass is revoked when it turns out the show is narrated Donnie Wahlberg (New Kids On the Block) who also serves as an executive producer. That darn chowderhead

The premiere follows members of three different departments on the force: beat officers, the gang unit, and fugitive retrieval while future episode will also film the daily routines of detectives, SWAT, and special task forces. Going deeper than your average episode of Cops (but with 90% less shirtless perps), you get to know more of the officers profiled as the camera follow them home where you meet their wives (one segment devolves into an episode of The Real Housewives of the Boston Police Department while the men stay home and look after the children) and even document one officer as she sees her twin sister for the first time in two years. There are even partners that may or may not be sharing some extra time off duty.

Boston’s Finest is a gripping look at one of the most dangerous jobs on the planet. Tensions run high when you do not know if these officers will be coming home alive, and seeing their loved ones back home, it makes every bust and home invasion more heart- pounding. Unfortunately you will have to put up with more than a few annoying accents. But for those that enjoy drinking games while watching television, take a shot every time you see a Brady jersey (the irony being that currently Walberg stars alongside Brady’s baby mama). Also I had to roll my eyes when after an officer calls a perp an “OG” Wahlberg comes on explains that the initials stands for “Original Gangsta” for those that did not get the explanation from the Ice-T song twenty years ago. Thanks Donnie.

Boston’s Finest airs Wednesdays at 9:00 on TNT. You will be able to download Boston's Finest on iTunes.

Feed Your iPod vol. LXVIII: No One's Gonna Love You

It is weird to entitle a love song No One’s Gonna Love You and leave out the second half of the line, “more than I do” (maybe the printer charged a heavy per letter price) and then open up the song with “It's looking like a limb torn off” but even with those two strikes against them, Band of Horses still ended up knocking that song out of the part with one of the great love songs of the past decade. It was so good even Cee-Lo Green became inspire to put out a cover almost immediately (Band of Horses returned the favor by recording his Georgia with the University of Georgia Redcoat Marching Band). The song is so beautiful it should become a standard by the end of the next decade.

No One’s Gonna Love You – Band of Horses




No One’s Gonna Love You – Cee-Lo Green

I Want My Music Television - 2/25/13

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars


Didn’t Bruno Mars already do the filmed on seventies film look for the Locked Out of Heaven video? I guess he is going for a whole motif for the videos off the album.


3AM - Kate Nash


The first album Kate Nash released was full of ultra catchy snarky pop songs, but lately she has gone all Riot Grrrl, which the fifteen year old version of myself may have liked (he still wears his Bikini Kill t-shirt every once in a while), but I much liked the original. It does sound like she is going back with the release of the first single off her next album, which even lifts the “Girl” character name from the Pumpkin Soup video.


Candles In the Sun - Miguel


I much prefer Miguel when he is in baby making mood (this is certainly no Sign 'O' the Times or even Money Don't Matter 2 Night) but the video is beautifully shot.


Tonight I’m Getting Over You - Carly Rae Jepsen


This month’s installment of Carley rae Jepsen: One Hit Wonder? We get our first look of grown up Carly, singing about getting drunk, wearing skimpy clothes in the bathtub, and laying on a shirtless dude, which is a little creepy considering you could have told me she was as young as fourteen when I first saw Call Me Maybe. As for this being the song that lifts her from one hit wonderdom (depending on how you rule Good Time as being a hit for her or not), much like the four previous singles, I am guessing no; the chorus is the same annoying dance beat in every other song for the past two years and I doubt people want grown up Carly.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 2/24/13

Once Upon a Time: Wow, eyeless girl was creepier than anything on The Walking Dead this week. Although will Mr. Gold be willing to get rid of his grandson just because he will be his downfall? Stupid question, this is a guy who let his son slip through a portal alone just to keep his powers.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Revenge: It was pretty obvious that the person at the bottom of the boat would turn out to be the evil dock guy, but I never would have guessed that he would take Amanda down with him. After she had Jack’s baby, I assumed she would be here for the long haul of the show. Hopefully this inspires Emily to get back to taking people down again and stop with all this slow and boring cooperate espionage that has gone on this season.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Walking Dead: I thought crazy Rick stopped after he realized he was getting phone calls from beyond the grave. Ugg. And all the zombies that came out of that delivery truck might as well all had wigs on because that was essentially a clown car.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Shameless: Of course child services shows up at the most chaotic time ever on the show. It will be hard for to get the Gallagher’s to get out of this one, but I have a feeling the inept worker will help them out inadvertently or not. And can you really get pregnant with a turkey baster? I always that that was an urban legend.

House of Lies: Uh, oh, Veronica Mars went on a blind date with the Hearst rapist this week. Hopefully she will be back next week with all her hair.

How I Met Your Mother: I am too lazy to even bother to think about it, but I am pretty sure the show has done the three stories from three perspectives before, probably multiple times, and it it gets less interesting every time. With that said, I kind of want to watch this episode again just to see of Barney’s Austrian king actually shows up in the background somewhere.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Switched at Birth: I had the new girl pegged to be a mole, she was acting a little too weird, but I would not have guessed that she would turn out to be the opponent’s daughter. But will Toby be able to use that to his father’s advantage?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

Bunheads: I did not think the show could top the weirdness Istanbul dance from last summer, but I think they may have done so with the dancing miners.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.
2 Broke Girls:

Castle: I was going to take this time to make numerous Taken jokes, but the promo monkeys already beat me to it with the previews showing an upcoming Liam Neeson joke. Hurmph.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Do people in the suburbs really have shower / spas like that in their homes? I defiantly need one.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Go On: I am really ready for Simone to go back to wherever she came from.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Go On on iTunes.

Justified: The video that Jody made for Raylan (with the aid of Paul Kinsey!) was so entertaining I will completely ignore that he really never had the time to make said video (or how implausible that basically every episode this season so far took part in less than a week). Also the show could use more Jackie Nevada. I take her over Ava, Wynona, or the barmaid from earlier this season. If you cannot get enough of Nevada, I highly recommend Raylan the book (see my review here), this episode is basically the end of the book, except there was no doubt if Raylan got any. Then again, in my experience, whenever a girl leaves the bathroom door open when she takes a shower, it is a sign she wants you to join her. Okay, that has never actually happened to me.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: I really like the trend of people outing other people at tribal council who have a Hidden Immunity Idol. I do not like the trend of people claiming that they are going to use said Idol but keep it in their pocket. I also do not like how the “Player of the Week” commercial is almost always spoilery. When both Laura and Douchebag #1 (not to be confused with Douchebag #2 whose name I also have no desire to learn) were up for the award, you knew they were going to do something but they did nothing interesting before then. I am usually good at skipping the ad, but the show really needs to move it to the last commercial break to avoid such spoilers.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Caramoan - Fans vs. Favorites on iTunes.

Modern Family: Holy Bud Bundy sighting! T is a shame that it took Al this long to get his son some work.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Modern Family on iTunes.

The Americans: It is weird watching this episode with all the paranoia that the Russians were behind the shooting of Ronald Regan when we now know that some crazy dude did it just to impress Jody Foster (I hear she’s currently single). I guess the closes thing similar that I can think of was when the power went out here and most of the northeastern part of the United States right after 9/11 and everyone thought it was another terrorist attack, but just turned out that our power grid just sucks. And a decade later, they still have not fixed it.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

Community: I am now convinced the new showrunners are just fracking with us between the Stockholm Syndrome attempt and Luke Perry and Jennie Garth ruining Inspector Spacetime. This is going to be a long final season.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

King of the Nerds: It is weird that for a show entitled King of the Nerds, that there is only one guy that remains even though the game started out with more guys than girls. I guess it may not be all that surprising that a bunch of male nerds would get flustered with chicks around, losing ever head to head gender battle in the Nerd Off. Now will the chicks band together to make sure Ivan (like when Parvati won Survivor) or with the self implode and let the guy win (like that season with Eliza)? Actually come to think of it, has there ever been an all male final on Survivor? (Researching… It has happened three times out of twenty-five seasons; five were all female)

Best of the Week - 2/23/13

Quote of the Week: Hello I’m Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Welcome to Sheldon Cooper presents Fun with Flags. My apologies that this episode is coming late, I did shoot one last week in honor of Black History Month but I was informed by my roommate that my spot on portrayal of George Washington Carver could be considered “wildly racist.” My heart goes out to the members of the African American community who, like me, have been kept down by The Man. (Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory)

Song of the Week: It's Tricky – Run-DMC (Suburgatory)

Scene of the Week:


Big News of the Week: Sequester Madness: Both sides of the aisle spend the week blaming the other side over the upcoming sequester cuts set to kick in next week unless yet another deal is struck despite both sides signing off on the deal. The bickering will probably go on right up to the deadline when they make yet other deal they will put another sequester for sometime this summer when we get to go through it all again then. And they wonder why they have a worse approval rating than Oscar Pistorius.

Preview Picture of the Week:

Justified "Outlaw" Tuesday at 10:00 on FX

Free Download of the Week: Livin for the City – Stevie Wonder (Google Play)

Deal of the Week: $0.50 Hit Songs: Pay only half a dollar for current songs by The Lumineers, The Black Keys, Fun., and Bruno Mars.

New Album Release of the Week: Amok - Atoms for Peace

New DVD Release of the Week: Man From Shaolin

Video of the Week: Virgil made an interesting observation on King of the Nerds this week in that whenever the Nerd Wars are subjective his team loses, and when it is objective they have won. Seems a little fishy because much like when Kevin Smith hosed Genevieve, I thought Team Blextrophy should have won this week.

Next Week Pick of the Week: Bunheads, Monday at 9:00 on ABC Family: It may not be a good sign that the show is coming to an end two weeks before the other ABC Family series that premiered the same week, so you may want to enjoy Bunheads while you can, because this week may be the last episode ever.

Around the Tubes - 2/22/13

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on The Vatican, Stranded, Sister Rosetta Tharpe: The Godmother of Rock and Roll, Shakespeare Uncovered, The Hero, Stevie Wonder, Ladies Night Out Comedy Tour, Connie Britton, The Biggest Loser, truTV renewals, and Deluxe.

- It may just be a coincidence that Kyle Chandler was announced as the lead of the upcoming Showtime series The Vatican just days after Pope Benedict announced her was stepping down, but I think it is only right that Coach Taylor overtakes the papacy. The Vatican is described as a provocative contemporary genre thriller about spirituality, power and politics – set against the modern-day political machinations within the Catholic church. Chandler will portray Cardinal Thomas Duffy, the charismatic yet enigmatic Archbishop of New York, whose progressive leanings excite some and alarm others within the hierarchy of the Catholic Church.

- New show Stranded premieres Wednesday on Syfy which strands (natch) people in haunted locations overnight so they can conduct their own investigations. Check out a preview below:


- There are still another week left in Black History Month and tonight PBS will premiere Sister Rosetta Tharpe: The Godmother of Rock and Roll at 9:00 (check your local listings) on the fortieth anniversary of her death. Southern-born, Chicago-raised and New York-made, Sister Rosetta introduced the spiritual passion of her gospel music into the secular world of rock 'n' roll during the 1940s-60s, inspiring some of its greatest stars, including Chuck Berry, Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis, and Little Richard.

- PBS’ latest and greatest salute to the Bard -- the six-part series Shakespeare Uncovered -- has left the airwaves, but the critically acclaimed show and a variety of great Shakespeare-related content is available online. HD-quality streaming versions of the six Uncovered episodes can be found here, along with character quizzes, two colorful (and quite helpful) infographics that lay out key plot points from Hamlet, Macbeth and A Midsummer Night’s Dream, as well as links to full broadcast versions of plays from the PBS archive, and lesson plans for teachers who use Shakespeare in the classroom.

- Still no official date for the TNT reality series The Hero hosted by The Rock yet other than sometime this summer, but you can take you first look at the show below:



- In celebration of the 67th anniversary of the United Nations, Stevie Wonder will be airing a special concert on Centric TV this Saturday at 9:00 and will also premiere on BET, Sunday, March 3rd at 11am ET.

- Bill Bellamy's edgy, uncensored and always unapologetic; Ladies Night Out Comedy Tour premieres tonight at 9:30 on Showtime. On a mission to save relationships one joke at a time, this special brings together some of today's hottest male comics to showcase to the ladies of America.

- Connie Britton got over it a long time ago, the part that got away. The Nashville actress gives the entire story to The New York Times Magazine.

- The Biggest Loser has partnered with Pinterest for a first-of-its-kind integration, beginning with last week’s episode. Once during each episode through the Season 14 finale, as contestants learn how to develop and maintain a healthy lifestyle, text will appear on-air that drives viewers to Pinterest for detailed, highly visual instructions on how to complete an exercise, follow a recipe, or improve their daily life at home from experts such as trainer Dolvett Quince and Chef Devin Alexander.

- truTV has ordered a remarkable 15th season of truTV Presents: World Dumbest…, the hilarious show that puts videos through a celebrity-commentator meat grinder. Billed by its producers as "the smartest dumb show on television," World's Dumbest… airs Thursdays at 10 p.m. (ET/PT), with the new season set to launch Thursday, Feb. 28. The channel has also ordered additional episodes of Impractical Jokers and Hardcore Pawn: Chicago, no word on wehn they will hit the small screen.

- Deluxe will be releasing a single on Obscure Me Records February 26th. Dust, a somber electro-pop song, will be available Digitally and on CDr (limited).

Don't Call it a Comeback VIII: Hootie and the Blowfish

It seems like once a week I am listening to my iTunes library and I hear a song that makes me go, this artist really needs a comeback. So I thought I would start a new feature here on the 9th Green highlighting an artist that really needs to reenter the public consciousness. The only criterion is that the artist hasn’t had a legitimate hit in over a decade.

Due for a Comeback: Hootie & The Blowfish

Biggest Hit: Only Wanna Be with You


Last Hit: Get Out of My Mind (2006)

Where Are They Now: Hootie went on an extended hiatus back in 2008 but routinely reunite every year for their Day After the Masters charity and other various events. Since the hiatus, lead singer Darius Rucker went on to be the most successful black country singer since Charlie Pride with both of his albums chopping the Country Albums Chart and five number one singles (in comparison, Hootie only topped one singles chart in American when Time topped the Adult Top 40 chart). Guitarists Mark Bryan and drummer Jim Sonfeld continue to make music on their own while bassist Dean Felber has taken up winemaking in between Hootie gigs.

Why the World Needs a Hootie and the Blowfish Comeback: Because it certainly does not need another Darius Rucker country album. Sure he has racked up the number ones but is anyone actually clamoring for more country music (I would not mind another RnB album like he made in 2002 with Back to Then) from him? His third, True Believers, is set to be released in June but at this point I would much rather a Hootie reunion album (which supposedly in the works). Crackedrearview is the finest pop-rock album ever forged and though most people had Hootie fatigue by the follow-up, Fairweather Johnson and Musical Chairs were solid albums. I would certainly take a Hootie and the Blowfish reunion over a Fall Out Boy reunion.

Feed Your iPod vol. LXVII: Helplessness Blues

As I have stated many time, February is the worst month of the year. It is bitterly cold, the days are short, the is a lull in the sports schedule in-between the Super Bowl and March Madness, it features the lamest holiday on the calendar (and before you get too excited about the groundhog avoiding his shadow this year, Phil turns out to be wrong more times than he is right. There is rarely any good music or movies released in the second month of the year. It is no wonder why it was the least amount of days in a month. So I embrace the most horrible time of the year with a little Helplessness Blues. I love the song as soon as I heard it (it landed at number 6 on my list of the 100 Best Songs of 2011) but recently I have found the opening verse really poignant.

I was raised up believing I was somehow unique
Like a snowflake distance among snowflakes, unique in each way you can see
And now after some thinking, I’d say I’d rather be
A functioning cog in some great machinery serving something beyond me
But I don’t, I don’t know what that will be.

Helplessness Blues - Fleet Foxes

I Want My Music Television - 2/19/13

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.

Stubborn Love - The Lumineers


This seems like a combination of R.E.M.’s Everybody Hurts (minus the subtitles) mixed with Wax’s California (minus the burning man) but I wished there were more of The Lumineers in it.


My Songs Know What You Did In the Dark (Light Em Up) - Fall Out Boy


I am not sure anyone was clamoring for a Fall Out Boy reunion but here it is (it is more welcome than the second or third Limp Bizkit reunions). Laughably they are titling their upcoming album Save Rock n Roll as in, Fall Out Boy Save Rock n Roll. Um, apparently they missed the memo that the genre was already saved but The Black Keys, Mumford & Sons and Jack White (I guess they skipped the Grammy’s). In fact they, and all the horrible whiny emo boy bands that followed were the reason rock n roll needed saving. And despite only sporting a singular chain, I am told that is 2 Chainz in the video. Too bad George Michael beat Fall Out Boy to the burning memorabilia on film by twenty-five years.


Two Black Cadillacs - Carrie Underwood


Carrie Underwood is quite attractive, maybe even more than the good girl version.


Now - Paramore


What happened to the eyebrows of the chick from Paramore? That look is just freaking me the frack out.