Saturday, February 26, 2005

Things Tham Make You Go MMM

I was at Burger Kong today going through the drive-thru window and I actually heard the person working the window say to a car behind me, "No cheese will cost extra." How can wanting less cost more? How does this even make sense?

I was going to make an Oscar prediction blog but came to the realization that I have not seen one picture that was nominated. Seriously, how could
Dodge Ball not get a nod? I will be watching, a least some just to see what Chris Rock says. It should be good. Even the Video Music Awards haven’t been good since he last hosted.

Friday, February 25, 2005

I'm Sooooooooooooooooooooo Moving On

I spent a lot of time in my last blog blasting some recent music that has really bugged me. But not all music I find corny music I find absolutely horrible. Case in point is the latest song by Kelly Clarkson, Since U Been Gone. Yes I know Kelly Clarkson is a glorified karaoke contest winner. I know this song totally rips off the Yeah Yeah Yeah's Maps. I know this song doesn't come close to the best "I Hate You" tune, Song for the Dumped. I know most of her music is unbearable. But there is something about the song that makes it so corny that it becomes enjoyable. I have pinpointed that exact place to where she sings, "I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooo moving on." It's soooooooooooooooooo bad that it become a great karaoke song in it own right, up their with ...Baby One More Time or a fat guy in a baritone voice singing I Feel Pretty (that one kills me every time). Sooooooooooooooooo for everyone who is ashamed to have Since U Been Gone on your iPod, I now make it sociably acceptable. Unfortunately I can't help you out with your Céline Dion fixation. Sorry.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

If You Know What I Mean

I have this friend who is a master at the single entendre. And of course he always finishes with the obligatory "If you know what I mean." And, sadly, I always do. Now this phrase has seeped into one of the worst pop song in recent memory, Destiny's Child's Soldier. Now I was totally on the Destiny's Child bandwagon circa the Survivor era. During my Best Songs of 2001icon countdown DC charted 3 times (Bootylicious - #6; Survivor - #8; Emotions - #43) and Beyoncé has made my countdown in recent years by herself. But Soldier is just bad on so many levels. First of which is the previously mentioned, "... if you know what I mean." And in the song it preceded by, "Known to carry big things..." As much as I don't want to, sadly I know what they mean. But there are things they talk about that I don't know what they mean. Like, "He knows how to split the money three ways." What do they mean by that? Does that mean the three girls get the money while the guy gets none? It makes no logical sense.

Then there are the rappers. First up you have T.I. whom for some reason thinks he is hard. I have no respect for a rapper who claims he's hard but when it comes down to it I could beat him in a fight. The guy even wears his hats like Antoine Merriwether of "Men on Film" fame. Then there is Lil' Wayne, who already violates one of my rules for rapper stating that all rappers with Lil' in their names suck massively (i.e. Lil' Bow Wow, Lil' Kim, Lil' Romeo and so on). Then to make thing worse, the Lil' one raps "Cash Money is an army. I'm walking with purple hearts on me." Um, does he not realize that there is real war going on right now where real soldier are earning purple hearts, not just rapping about it in a corny pop song? I doubt Lil' Wayne or the Antoine Merriwether wannabe could last one day as a real soldier.

There is another song that as might as well have a "if you know what I mean" in it, 50 Cent's Candy Shop. The line in question is, "I'll let you lick the lollipop." Or, "I'll melt in your mouth not in your hand." How sophomoric. Is this the same guy how wrote the eternally clever How to Rob? Of course that was back in the "Bashing Ja Rule" days. Unfortunately 50 has slowly become Ja Rule. Have a female R&B artist sing your hooks - check. Tell the female singer to "keep it between me and you" - check. Run with a talent less crew - check. Appeal to fourteen year old white girls - check. It's about time to have an intervention for 50 before he does a video based on a musical ala Mesmerized or worse a duet with Jennifer Lopez.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

NyQuil, We Love You, You Giant *cough*ing Q

It seems I've recently been bitten by the flu bug. But don't cry for me Argentina, the flu means I can partake in the greatest part of the flu season, NyQuil. There is nothing better than what a wise man once called the "Green Death Flavor." Then the marketing geniuses at Vick came up with the greatest marketing ploy of all time, package NyQuil with its own shot glass. How did this trend not seep into the liquor aisle? Although Vicks couldn't let a good thing alone and thus we also now have DayQuil. And this is where the problem lies. I wake up in the morning and take DayQuil. Then when it's time to go to bed, break out the shot glass and down some NyQuil. It's like I turned into Elvis. And we all know how the movie ended. There can't possibly be a worse way to die.

Talking about drugs, anyone think it's a coincidence that a couple weeks after implicating President Bush saying he knew about the rampant steroid use when he owned the Rangers and now it turns out
Jose Canseco owns money in back taxes? Something to ponder.