Saturday, March 12, 2005

I Know You (Don't) Got Soul

Soul Plane

When I was a young boy, A Florida judge banned 2 Live Crew for being obscene and ever since when anytime some one finds something morally offensive or corrupt, I eat it up. South Park is rude, I watched it. Grand Theft Auto is the downfall of Western Civilization, I bought it. Bush is the next Hitler, I voted for him. So when Soul Plane came out and everyone was saying it was the most racist movie ever, I knew I had to see it. So I finally broke out the old Blockbuster Card and gave it a spin on the DVD player. I think I may be getting old because I think the critics were right. The makers of the film claimed that Soul Plane was the black version of Airplane!. But they replayed funny one-liners with overused racial stereotypes.

The movie centers around a gentleman who sues an airline after it kills the dog, which was one of the few funny scenes in the movie (keep in mind no animals were hurt in the making of this movie). He takes the massive settlement to buy his own airline, which his cousin, played by
Method Man, who makes some adjustments to the plane. So it now has gold rims, hydraulics, and every ridiculous accessory you would see on Pimp My Ride. And the racial stereotypes don't start there; every black stereotype is brought up. They like chicken - check. They are lazy - check. They like weed - check. They are, umm, well endowed - check. Then sprinkle the rest of the movie with other racial stereotypes. The Arab (alleged) terrorist. The token hot Latina chick (wow, she can dance and likes sex, and that's basically it). The gay guy. The corny, old white guy named Mr. Hunkee. Then there's Mr. Hunkee's son who thinks he's black. And Mr. Hunkee's daughter, who just turned 18. Cue up obligatory Kobe joke.

After an hour of making poor racial jokes (not too mention underutilizing
D.L. Hughley and John Witherspoon), they finally get back to something that resembles a plot when pilot, Snoop Dogg, dies (remember it's based on Airplane!) and they need to figure how to land the plane. In the end everyone learns a lesson. And then they form a Soul Train line (sans Don Cornelius).

Soul Plane gets a Terror Alert Level: Low [GREEN] on my Terror Alert Scale.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Look at Me, Gotta Be, Centerfield

It looks like my favorite baseball player, Rick Ankiel (and by favorite, I mean the one I like to make fun of the most), has giving up on being a major league pitcher. Really, so soon? It's only been four years since he started pulling his reverse Rick Vaughn impersonation. Come to think of it, has anyone thought of giving Ankiel an eye exam recently. Maybe he could sport the skull glasses. That might help him. I'm sure he could least get into the staring rotation of the California Penal League. Or they could get Bob Uecker to do commentary for the Cardinals. He can't be doing much, right? (OK, enough Major League references.)

But the real tragedy is that now I will have to change my fantasy baseball team from Rick Ankiel's Revenge if he's no longer in the majors (I wonder if Lima Time will be back this year, that's a solid back up plan). Even though he will be trying to switch positions to an outfielder, I really doubt he can make the roster because if he can't throw the ball across the plate, how can he hit the cut-off man? For more Ankiel news, check out these sites:

Did La Russa's strategy spark Ankiel's freefall?
Career change: Ankiel to give outfield a shot
Baseball America: Ankiel as a hitter

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Car Mix - March '05

Every once in a while I like to make a CD to play in my car of recent music I'm listening to. Here my most recent CD.

1) Bold as Love - John Mayer (Taken from the Tsunami Aid: Concert of Hope which can be bought on
Across the Universe - Various Artists (Taken from this year's Grammy awards. Proceeds, like the previous song, goes to Tsunami relief organizations. So don't say I didn't do my part, that's $1.98 right there.)
Sunday Morning (Acoustic) - Maroon 5
Trouble - Bonnie McKee
Breathe (2AM) - Anna Nalick (Along with Trouble, these were both former Single of the Week on iTunes. Most of them are really good so you should always check them out because you may find gems like these.)
Telescope Eyes - Eisley
Collide - Howie Day
Daughters (Home Demo) - John Mayer
Sometimes You Can't Make It on Your Own - U2
10) Existentialism on Prom Night - Straylight Run (I found this song free at Yet another steal.)
Chocolate - Snow Patrol (I was turned onto this band when their song Run was a Single of the Week. Solid album)
Work - Jimmy Eat World
Let Me Go - 3 Doors Down
14) Boulevard of Broken Songs - Green Day vs. Oasis (One of the best mash-up that I have heard in a while. It's built around the Green Day song and has hints of Oasis' Wonderwall and throws in some Travis and Aerosmith to round out the song. Highly recommended if you can hunt it down.)
15) Why [Remix] - Jadakiss, Common, Styles P and Nas
16) Jesus Walks - Kanye West, Common & Mase
17) Twisted (Remix) - Mobb Deep, Jae Millz, Joe Budden
18) Drop it Like it's Hot (Lil John Remix) - Snoop Dogg

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Fat Bottom Girls Make the World Go Round

Showtime ended it's free weekend with a movie that I have wanted to see for a while but didn't really want to actually pay for it, Super Size Me. So, thank you, Showtime for finally providing me with something to watch during Monday's dismal T.V. programming schedule. Even though I really didn't really learn anything new about a McDonald’s diet, even McDonalds Inc. admitted that it is common knowledge that their food is not good for you; there were aspects of the film that surprised me. First, and foremost, was the school for at risk school that served the healthy food. My surprised is how the food preparation is competitive in price with other meal programs yet very few school systems implement it. It doesn't take a nutritionist to know that sugary foods have a negative impact on kids' attitudes. But Morgan Spurlock alludes to why this doesn't change: big business (i.e. Coke, McDonalds et al) owns are government thru donations and lobbyists.

Even though Super Size Me is not as funny as the other major documentary from last year, there are some funny parts to the movie. His irritated girlfriend was always good for a chuckle especially how his diet affected their sex life (or lack there of). It does utilize music that much, but when it does, the songs are a perfect fit. The movie opens to
Fat Bottom Girls while describing how obese our country is. Then later in the film during a segment on food addition, they started playing the old Superfly song, Pusherman. Perfect fit.

Overall it was a decent documentary, very educational. Brings to light one of the biggest (no pun intended) epidemics in America that is severely under discussed. One of my favorite parts of the movie is when a doctor talks about how it socially acceptable to tell smokers how unhealthy that it is but it isn't to point out the health risks of obesity. Very true yet very ignored. The one place where I feel the move disappoints is that Spurlock is quick to talk about how bad McDonalds is for you but doesn't spend that much time on giving the audience a healthy alternative or ways to combat obesity. Hopefully Spurlock didn't ignore this but instead was saving it for the sequel, Un-Super Size Me, which chronicles the 9 months it took him to get back to his pre-McDonalds diet weight.

Super Size Me gets a Terror Alert Level: Elevated [YELLOW] on my Terror Alert Scale.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Pretty Fly for a White Guy

29% is still a little too high for me. I think it't that darn mullet I sported during middle school.

I am 29% White Trash.
Not Too White Trashy
The white trash in my blood will not keep me from becoming a doctor or a lawyer, but it will keep me from a good haircut and any sort of fashion sense.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Who Said the Best Things in Life are Free?

Apparently those people who say the best things in life are free haven't checked out the Showtime free preview. They have shown a bunch of movies I would never had paid for, but, hey, it's free. Some movies of note that I've seen would be Bulletproof Monk, which was surprisingly good, even though the martial arts scenes were not as fluid as recent imports. Then came Barbershop II: Back in Business a poor sequel to a decent movie. The problem with the second movie is that it copies the first movie but leaves out the best part of the original movie, the Anthony Anderson subplot. Without a decent subplot to take you out of the barbershop, the rest of the movie falls flat. But on Sunday, Showtime brings out the murderers row of bad "romantic comedies," A Guy Thing, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and Uptown Girls. You could not pay me to see any of those movies.

You would think with around 20 channels they would always have something on. Granted half of the channels are just the other channels on a three hour delay with West added to the channel's name. This begs some questions:

Are the West channels even necessary?
Can't they delay the movies like every other normal channel?
Can you opt of the West channels and get money back?
Do people on the west coast get Showtime East?
If so, do the kids get to see the "late night programming" at 8:00?

Those questions are going to bug me for a while. But in addition to movies I didn't want to see when they were in theaters or even when they cam out on DVD, Shows that are not good enough to be on HBO, and Usher in concert (Um, I'll pass. I could fill up blog in itself on his rise in popularity) there are the movies I've never heard of. I was watching one the other night and who pops up but Eric Stoltz. Not only does he pop up, but promptly dies. I am now convinces that Eric Stoltz has a bit part in every movie I have never heard of (or stars Eric Roberts). Racking my brain to name movies I've seen Eric Stoltz in, I cold only come up with Mask (the one with Cher, not Jim Carrey), and think he was in the sequel of Jeff Goldblum version of The Fly.

Well I got to go; Fat Actress is on (Kirstie Alley begging John Travolta to do Look Who's Talking 4 - that's pure humor right there).