Saturday, November 04, 2006

You Sell Any Universal Remotes Here?


It probably won’t take a long time reader here at the 9th Green to realize that a review of a movie won’t be the most unbiased review out there. But much like his other past dumb comedies, Click made into my DVD library. But unlike his previous movies, Sandler doesn’t play the lovable loser. Instead he is a fairly successful architect who close to making partner and he already has the girl in the form of (Serendipity) who seems to like to walk around in pajama short shorts and tight fitting shirt.

Okay, so not everything is perfect as he is having trouble balancing his family and doing enough at work to be made partner. The pressure culminates when he has to do research on Asian architecture so he can land a prestigious Japanese client only to turn on a remote control car while trying to play a video on the subject. So it’s time to a universal remote so he doesn’t open his garage door every time he tries to turn on the television. But the only place that is open at the time is Bed, Bath, and Beyond where Sandler has to venture into the Beyond where he runs into the last person you want to meet at the end of a dark hallway, Mr. Cowbell himself, .

As anyone who saw the trailer can figure up, the remote that Walken gives Sandler is truly a universal remote as it gives Sandler the power to control his whole universe. He can fast forward threw fights with his wife, mute annoying people, and pause to kick someone in the crotch without them knowing (hey it’s an Adam Sandler movie; you need your prerequisite object to the crotch). No remote control gag goes unused. Well except for close captioning. But anyways. Unfortunately for Sandler the remote comes with Tivo so it starts predicting his habits and starts to fast forwards even when he doesn’t want to do so. And unfortunately for us as Sandler goes further in the future, the sappier the movie gets and almost plays out like A Christmas Carol with Walken playing all three ghosts.

But luckily there are plenty of fart jokes and other sophomoric gags that you would expect from a Sandler movie that keeps the sappy parts from being unwatchable. Plus Sandler brings in some of his past coworker who knock the comedy out of the park including (The Waterboy), (50 First Dates), (The Longest Yard), and of course who seems to pop up in every of his movie, but you will have to look in the deleted scenes to hear his catchphrase, “You can do it!” The best cameo though goes to who you will just have to see the movie to see how he is used. But when it comes down to it, if you love Sandler, you will love this movie, but if you’re not, you are complete and total tool and need to get a sense of humor.

Click gets a Terror Alert Level: High [ORANGE] on my Terror Alert Scale.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Don't Download These Videos vol. V

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.

The Saints Are Coming - U2 and Green Day

There’s a good chance you have already seen this video considering it’s already logged over a million views on YouTube in under a week but it’s worth another look. The most powerful image is that of the fighter jets flying over the Superdome. Chilling. The song was supposed to be available in iTunes in starting November, but I have yet to see it. The song of course will be part of the upcoming single disk Greatest Hits. Granted I can’t endorse any retrospective that doesn’t include All I Want Is You.

Bones - The Killers

Much like the album Sam's Town (see Nobody Ever Had a Dream Round Here), the video for the latest video is a little bit of a letdown. Yeah the video is great, but I was expecting something more along the lines of Tim Burton’s to stop motion movies. Instead we get a mix with live action that looks more Army of Darkness than Nightmare before Christmas. Leave it to The Killers to make something great and be disappointing at the same time.

High School Never Ends - Bowling for Soup

Okay the song isn’t as close as catchy as 1984, but the latest video from is equally, if not more entertaining as its predecessor. My personal favorite of the montages has to be the wedgies one. Brings back fond memories for me (but I hope that the revenge doesn’t happen to me at my High School reunion).

For Us - Pete Yorn

I’m still warming up to the latest album by (see Walk Me Out in the Morning Sun) and this video is helping the cause out. Granted I’m not entirely sure exactly what’s going on, but there’s a good laugh when Pete’s making googlily eyes at the cartoon bird in its dream. Brilliant.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Toss Up: Lost vs Veronica Mars week 5

We are down to the last two Toss Up’s of this year as will soon go on hiatus until February (luckily won't) because people actually though all the repeats are why Lost took a creative dive last year and not all the long stretches of boring scenes and to numerous to count unanswered questions. Morons. But enough ranting on stupid people, it’s time for the Toss Up:

Still Has Trust Issues
Lost: Eko’s brother could never trust his motives
Veronica Mars: Even after all they have been through Vee still can’t trust Weevil
Winner: Lost

Where's this dude's eyeballOn Video
Lost: Weird dude with an eye patch in another hatch
Veronica Mars: Claire’s boyfriend
Winner: Lost

Lost: The crucifix Eko took from his brother
Veronica Mars: The necklace that Lily gave to Veronica
Winner: Veronica Mars

The White Stripes... I thinkCostumes
Lost: The Others all dressed up like cultists for the one chick’s funeral
Veronica Mars: My sources tell me Logan and Ronnie dressed up like for Halloween
Winner: Veronica Mars

Kidnapped for Operation
Lost: The Others kidnapped Jack to operate on Not-Henry’s tumor
Veronica Mars: The Dean kidnapped his step-son’s father for bone marrow
Winner: Veronica Mars

She's no Bob DylanFolk Hero
Lost: Juliet emulated ’s Subterranean Homesick Blues in her video to Jack
Veronica Mars: ’s Busted played over a montage of people appropriately getting busted
Winner: Veronica Mars

Ronnie and her superfanMemory Lane
Lost: Eko relieved his previous flashback
Veronica Mars: Pizza boy reminded Vee all the cool things she did in high school
Winner: Veronica Mars

Stolen Goods
Lost: Vaccines
Veronica Mars: Rich kids gambling money
Winner: Lost

Shouldn't you be, like, smart?Questions From Young Kids
Lost: “Are you a good man?”
Veronica Mars: “Shouldn’t you be, like, smart?”
Winner: Veronica Mars

Lost: Not-Henry took the name Henry Gale, referencing
Veronica Mars: Keith took the name Adian Monk referencing
Winner: Lost

Who's this chickWho’s?
Lost: Who’s that new chick that went to the Pearl station?
Veronica Mars: Who’s Pam?
Winner: Veronica Mars

Lost: Eko dies
Veronica Mars: Claire lied about her boyfriend
Winner: Veronica Mars

An easy win for Veronica Mars as Lost slipped into season two mode with an uninteresting story. And with all three new cast members of that season now dead it’s almost an indication that season two was a failure. This especially true with Eko as he quickly became the most interesting character on the show only to be ruined by bad writing and flashbacks that made little sense. There was so much they could have done with Eko but squandered him for most of last season.

The Black Smoke back to its killing waysThen there is the question of why did Eko died? He came face to face with the Black Smoke last year and lived so why kill him now? And can we assume that the Black Smoke can take human form and that Eko wasn’t hallucinating his brother but it was instead the Black Smoke? And does that mean it was the Black Smoke that took the shape of Jack’s dad back in season one when Jack saw him, and same with Kate’s horse, Sawyer’s boar? But you know none of these questions will answered next week because Lost only raises new questions on finales, not answers them. And surly we won’t know for a few months who eye patch dude was. But is it safe to assume that the eyeball the tailies found back in the other station is this guys?

Then there’s the Jack storyline which I can’t make sense of either because the Others always seem to have the most elaborate plans so you can’t really tell if Not-Henry isn’t in on Juliet’s video. For all we know Not-Henry may not really have a tumor and that’s a set up for something else. But if he does, wouldn’t it have been a lot easier when the plane crashed and you learn one of the members is a spinal surgeon to just go to the camp and ask, “hey could you please remove this tumor” instead of concocting a plan that would take a couple months to complete?

Now onto the less aggravating show, Veronica Mars which had another solid episode this week. But I’m beginning to think the show is unable to produce a great episode that doesn’t include Dick. You know he would be a fan of gambling, couldn’t they put him in the casino. Seriously, who wouldn’t want to see what Dick would come up with for a Halloween costume? Plus the lack of Piz and Parker is just getting more annoying. How can I care about characters that aren’t there week in and week out? For those keeping track at home, out of the five episodes this season, Piz has been in only two. And that is the same number for Mac, Weevil, and Lamb.

Straight from the 80's, it's Don LambBut even without Dick there was plenty of high comedy including Lamb’s robot dance, Ronnie laying the smackdown to the little girl, “Who’s Pam?” and Ronnie’s number one fan at the pizza place even I the character was played by that annoying kid from . The second and third storylines seemed to fall flat with the Dean and Wallace cheating but they my set up better things to come. And as much of a Johnny Cash fan I am, hearing him on Veronica Mars just doesn’t fit. Unless maybe it’s fro the American Recording era.

But back to the rap case, with what we leaned this week, my way out there theory from a couple weeks ago that it’s the Lilith behind the rapes my not far off. She may have just been the sacrificial lamb who got her head shaved to pin the crime on the Lampoon guys who said they’d rape the one in the middle two weeks back. She then lied about her boyfriend to make it look like she didn’t willingly had sex and doesn’t wear a wig like the other victims to bring more attention to the crime.

Next week on Lost we get the last episode for about four months and surely we won’t get answers but plenty of questions to ponder over those four months. Then on Veronica Mars we get an episode called Hi-Infidelity which may or may not be a reference to the great John Cusack movie (or possible the book the movie was based on) but hopefully not the album of the same name as the episode. It may also be referencing the song Fidelity that played at the end of the football player episode. I found it odd that the show was playing a break-up song when Logan and Vee were ending their fight, but maybe it was just a sign of what was to come which would be great because I always thought Ronnie should dump Logan and start wearing an I (Heart) Dick t-shirt.

Download Lost

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

When Darkness Veils the World Four Warriors of Light Shall Come

Final Fantasy

Like many guys my age, a good deal of my childhood devoted to the original Nintendo and while many of the games at the time took just hours to complete, there was one game that stood out due to its massiveness, Final Fantasy. The game luckily didn’t live up to its name as it just saw the twelfth installment yesterday. I have yet to pick up the latest installment yet, but if you suddenly see a slow down in the amount of posts here, there is a good chance I did making my Final Fantasy library complete again. The game though is this month’s induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame. And though the original game seemed to take forever back then to finish (but pales in the length of current games) it still had plenty of replay value as you mix and match your party and decide what was easier an all Warrior team or all Black Mage party? And so began the Final Fantasy addiction.

Granted I want as enthralled with the second edition as the first and took a long break from the series mostly because they didn’t release three, four, five, or six in the United States. It wasn’t until the mid nineties that my love affair with the franchise started up again after buying the original Playstation and picking up right around the time Final Fantasy VIII, but I had to first go back and play VII first mostly because I’m anal retentive because there really isn’t any need to play them in order do to that none of the games were true sequels up to that point aside from dudes named Sid showing up occasionally. Widely regarded as the best game in the series, Final Fantasy VII was unfortunately spoiled for me when one of buddies walked in on me playing while in the early stages of the game and asked “Have you got to the part where the chick dies yet?” But even after the chick actually dies, I actually expected that she would eventually be brought back to life but she was surprisingly never does.

The following games released on the original Playstation were just as good and expansive as the previous game where you waste fifty plus hours trying to get to the end and you can log over a hundred hours to complete everything the game has to offer including vast side missions. In fact whereas all the fanboys rave about VII, the eighth installment may be better. Yeah VII had the shocker in the middle, VIII had a more interesting storyline, less convoluted characters and the game is where Sqauresoft mastered the Playstation dynamics and produced much better graphic and stunning cut scenes. And though IX got blasted for its cartoonish look, it did see the return of the Black Mage from the original and was still worth the time suck. But those who didn’t care for the cartoon must have really hated the Kingdom Hearts spin off complete with Disney characters, both of which I’ve played because I’m that obsessed with Final Fantasy. I even have the movie on DVD as well as picking up the reissued games that came out for the Playstation of the Nintendo games that weren’t originally released here. But I drew the line at Final Fantasy XI because I’m not that big of a nerd to play a massively multiplayer online game.

The main reason I picked the PS2 over the other consoles of its generation had to do with Sony’s exclusive Final Fantasy rights. The tenth volume was a bit of a disappointment because one of the great parts of all the previous installments were their vast landscapes that you can transverse wherever you want once you get the required modes of transportation. But on Final Fantasy X, as well as the first real sequel Final Fantasy X-2, there were very linier maps. Hopefully they go back to the expansive maps for VII which I hope to put off to buying until summer where I’ll have more free time due to nothing worth watching on television. But if I get it earlier, you may expect post to become more sporadic because once I start a Final Fantasy game, I can’t put it down until I’ve finished.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

I'm Kevin Federline America's Most Hated

Playing with Fire - Kevin Federline

There is no more appropriate time for to release an album than on Halloween. But instead of writing up a proper review, here is a video that best sums up (replay five times for proper effect):

Many thanks to for creating the clip but many apologies to U2 for having their great song tarnished by Federline. But in all seriousness, Playing with Fire sounds much like almost every other rap album released by a wannabe in the past seven years. Mediocre to poor rapping: check. Anemic beats: check. Pop singer providing the hook: check in form of wife . Braggadocios topics ranging from all the bling he has to being a pimp: check. To Federline’s credit he did avoid one of the worst rap album clichés in that there are very few guest appearances and it is pretty much just him rapping on the album. And even though the album is bad, at least it’s not bad (see my review: Since I'm Already Screwed Here's a Message to You).

Song to Download - Just replay the video one more time

Playing with Fire gets a Terror Alert Level: Low [GREEN] on my Terror Alert Scale.

Monday, October 30, 2006

We on Award Tour: Big in 2006 Nominations

Yeah we havn’t even reached November yet, but that hasn’t stopped media outlet’s from trying to be the first to get out their Year End Wrap Out. I wouldn’t be surprised that within five years someone will be doing their Year End Extravaganza in August. But anyways. The first to reminisce about the year that was is VH1 that recently opened it’s voting for the , click the link to vote yourself and much like the mid term elections next year, be sure to vote early, vote often., but don’t vote for the incumbents. The Big show will air December 3rd and be hosted by of the hopefully not canceled who did a great job hosting the show a couple years back during the Paris Hilton sex tape era. No performers have been announced yet buy if there are any VH1 executives that are reading this, you must do everything in your power to make sure a / duet happens.And now this years nominees as well as who I voted for in italics:

Big Entertainer

Gee, it looks like someone has a vested interest in the DVD sales of Employee of the Month. Way to honor Cook long after no one finds him funny anymore. And since when does two movie flops and dismal sales of an album make you a Big Entertainer? Two spots that could have went to Gnarls Barkley. Personally my vote is based on who took up the most of my time in 2006 and that was easily YouTube.

Big Reality Star

No nominees just yet. Right now you can nominate your favorite. I nominated Casey from the Real World/Road Rules Challenges: Fresh Meat/The Duel. Casey is easily the most entertaining reality star that MTV has produced in years. From fights the fights with her partner Wes, to making it to the finals without any physical attributes. Then coming back for The Duel admitting she spent her prize money on a new set of breasts. The final four will be announced November 14th and you can vote on them then. And here is who would fill out my top four: Flavor Flav (), Josh (Beauty and the Geek), and Danielle’s Breasts ().

Big TV Star

Who would have thought back in the late eighties that twenty years later that the dudes from Can’t Buy Me Love and The Lost Boys would be nominated for this award. Granted I don’t watch either show, so I’ll go with who used to have a talk show on MTV. And where is Earl Hickey?

Big Musical Artist

No Gnarls Barkley, no, Fray, no Christina Aguilera, no Killers, no “Weird Al” yet the Pussycat Dolls get nominated. It’s official, 2006 sucked.

Big Download
Jump in My Car - David Hasselhoff
London Bridge - Fergie
White and Nerdy - “Weird Al” Yankovic
Here it Goes Again - OK Go
What’s a Date - Lonely Girl Fifteen

This is an odd category because most of these were YouTube phenomenon and you can’t actually download those videos. But I’m just knick picking. If we are going by number of YouTube views though, then OK Go should win by a landslide, but nothing beats “Weird Al” in entertainment value.

Big Mama

Yeah, this is a pretty lame category. And you can tell that the nominees were chosen in the short span between when Madonna adopted her African baby and when the father wanted the boy back.

Big Breakthrough
The Cast of

Sasha Baron Cohen

It looks like VH1 also has vested interest in the Borat movie by putting Cohen in the category before he even broke threw. And not to sound like a broken record but where is Gnarls Barkley. When VH1 does I Love the 00’s you know Crazy will get plenty of screen time for the 2006 episode. But of the nominees you have to go with Pressley because after staring in cinematic gems like Poison Ivy 3 and the Jerry Springer movie, she somehow became the most entertain part of the funniest show on television.

Big Comeback

Al Gore
David Hasselhoff

New Orleans Saints

Much like Madonna not getting her African baby, the Saints got spanked in New Orleans shortly after the nominees were announced. Yet another reason not to do your best of the year thing before Halloween. But I voted for them just because the other nominees are iffy with two coming back via a reality show and a game show. And how can Rosie be considered a comeback when she went from her own talk show to sharing time with the chick from Survivor and two other blowhards. Maybe I should vote for Gore because the last time I didn’t vote fore him bad things happens.

Hot It Girl

Vanessa Minnillo

Four chicks from four shows I avoid like the plague. Let’s see here, one stared in a movie that not only did no one see, I don’t must people have even heard of it (Side Effects anyone? And did anyone see the Ringer while I’m at it?) another can pull off ugly way too easy (remember the nerdy version of Rachel Lee Cook in She’s All That was stilly pretty hittable), and one has Nick Lashey stench on her. And I don’t really follow the karaoke circuit, but didn’t the last one lose? And not only lost but lost to a dude even older than me? I went with Minnillo just because she the one I’d most want to have dirty, dirty sex with which says a lot considering the whole Lashey thing. Seriously where’s Scarlett Johansson, Evangeline Lilly and Kristen Bell, can’t we resurrect Rachel McAdams career for this please. I’d even take the chicks from High School Musical or Cassie over these girls.

Big Outlaw
(Drug Possession)
Dick Chaney (Shot Dude in the Face)

Another reason why the awards are too soon in the year, they missed Snoop Dogg’s double whammy of drug and weapon charges on two separate occasions at an airport. Despite being the only one on the list that wasn’t actually charged, I went with Cheney solely in the hope that he shows up to accept the award and inadvertently shooting Hilton in the face.

Big Power Couple
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
Beyoncé and Jay-Z

Another lame award. I just went for the boys again just to see the acceptance speech which could be interrupted by Jake Gyllenhaal who was jealous that he wasn’t nominated with them.

Big Shocker
North Korea Tests a Nuke
Mark Foley Gets Caught
John Mark Carr Confesses
Bill Clinton Losses His Cool

It is well known that Kim Jong Il love Hollywood so if you tell him Clint Eastwood id there, he may just show up to accept the award so that why I voted for him. And if he doesn’t show you have the potential for the Kim Jong Il marionette from Team America to accept the award; either way this could be the most entertaining part of the whole show.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Ehlo's Revenge

Despite rarely ever watching the sport lately, I still participate in the fantasy version. Like much of my drafts lately, I got yet another late draft position drafting here eleventh out of twelve. But that only makes it sweeter when I win. Now here is the roster for Ehlo’s Revenge:

PG -
(Chicago Bulls)
SG -
(Seattle Supersonics)
G -
(Orlando Magic)
SF -
(Denver Nuggets)
PF -
(Charlotte Bobcats)
F -
(Houston Rockets)
C -
(Toronto Raptors)
C --empty--
Util -
(Minnesota Timberwolves)
Util -
(Atlanta Hawks)
BN -
(Indiana Pacers)
BN -
(Los Angeles Clippers)
BN -
(Chicago Bulls)
BN -
(Boston Celtics)

Yeah I didn’t draft enough centers, but there are only about five quality centers in the league, so getting centers were not high on my priority list. But I did work out a trade after the draft to send Granger to another team for
who I was looking into drafting with my pick after Granger before other team poached him. But in the end I’ll be trading a bench player for a starter which is always a good thing.

I inadvertently went young this year with only one player with more than five years of service as well as four rookies, two of which I have starting so hopefully they all live up to the hype because this will be a really good or really bad season for me. And even though I haven’t watched and NBA game in two years, I still going to give my picks for the year:

Atlantic Division: New Jersey Nets
Central Division: Chicago Bulls
Southeast Division: Miami Heat
Southwest Division: San Antonio Spurs
Northwest Division: Denver Nuggets
Pacific Division: Phoenix Suns
Eastern Conference Championship: Heat over Bulls
Western Conference Championship: Spurs over Suns
NBA Championship: Spurs over Heat