Saturday, July 22, 2006

Most of All You've Got to Hide it From the Kids

Rumor Has It...

There is nothing better than finding out your family history is the basis of a book and movie especially when it’s a salacious one. That would be the premise, and pretty ingenious one, for Rumor Has It… The movie follows (Leprechaun) as she slowly starts to realize that her mother and grandmother were the people who inspired . Throwing a bigger wrinkle into her life is the possible that the real life Dustin Hoffman character could be her father.

The dude in question is (Waterworld) who plays the real life graduate even though he never did but as he tells it The Dropout wasn’t as catchy. (Cannonball Run II) is the matriarch and first female in the family to bed Costner. Then there is , who has been in almost forty films but has yet to be memorable in one, as Aniston’s fiancée who puts up with her cold feet and search for her possible father because, well, he looks like Mark Ruffalo and she looks like Jennifer Aniston. Rounding out the cast is my hero, himself as one of Costner’s business buddies.

Even though the plot is a clever one, the film sinks in its delivery which seems to be a theme in the last couple movies I’ve seen. It is like the producers, which this film actually had ten of including Ocean’s 11 duo of and , get a topic that they feel could write itself. But in this film, the laugh are far and few in between or beat to death. The funniest bits come when they reference the film especially when Aniston wonder why she wasn’t told of her family secret to which Ruffalo sing “But most of all you got to hide it from the kids.” But not all The Graduate reference are great as it sometimes felt as if you needed to just see the film to get the joke, which I haven’t in more than a decade. Another sticking point with the film was Aniston in full Rachel Green mode not getting the memo that this was a film and not a sitcom. Her overacting got old quicker as her show did (for those keeping track at home, that would be sometime around the second season).

Rumor Has It… gets a Terror Alert Level: Guarded [BLUE] on my Terror Alert Scale.

Friday, July 21, 2006

When They Own the Information They Can Bend it all They Want

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video click the title (where available), if you just want a song follow the link in the analysis.

Jurassic 5 - Work it Out

So I have ripped people for piling on President Bush lately because I’m just bored of it all and quite frankly most of it isn’t at all entertaining. Well enter with the best political commentary since the stolen election. Granted they could have done a better job casting as the dude really don’t look that much like Bush, and I wasn’t sure if the other old white dude was Dick Cheney or Karl Rove until he had a heart attack. As we learned from Arrested Development, there is nothing funnier than a dude on a Segway. And yes, if you missed the iPod screen, that is the namesake of the Dave Matthews Band singing the chorus and I believe the drummer is also on the track. But like I said earlier, piling on Bush just isn’t funny because really, they can’t top what the man does himself like this David Letterman Top 10 List (keep in mind this is even before the German Chancellor back rub incident):

Sandi Thom - I Wish I Was a Punk Rock Girl with Flowers in My Hair

Okay, I hope you ignored the extremely cheesy title, because the song by newcomer is really catchy. In a measure of full disclosure, I must admit that she does give two (inadvertent) shout outs to me in the song one being the dude who originally song the flower in your hair song is my namesake (my other name, well that may just be a coincidence) and the other you will just have figure out yourself, which I doubt you will.

John Mayer - Waiting on the World to Change

Not a proper video nor the full song, but John Mayer’s first single is am early contender to top the Best Songs of 2006 list. The album Continuum won’t be out until September, but you can download the song in iTunes now see the ad below. But if you are cheap, or like me and will wait and buy the entire album when it comes out, you can stream the song on his website .

Apple iTunes

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Best of Pearl Jam

For long time readers to the 9th Green know I love making mix tapes. A subset to this is my Best Of series. I routinely make my own because inevitably they leave off some of my favorite songs on Greatest Hits packages (the worst offender being I’m on Fire being left off of Bruce Springsteen’s). Even though the resurgence of Pearl Jam has since died down after the release of their new album, I’ll still hype the band with my Best Of for the band. Keep in mind this was made before its release, granted I’m not sure if any of those songs could bump something of this set. This CD comes in at 77:28.

1. Alive - Ten
2. Porch - Ten
3. Black - Ten
4. Dirty Frank - Even Flow Single
5. Dissident - Vs.
6. Rearviewmirror - Vs.
7. Daughter - Vs.
8. Elderly Woman Behind the Counter In a Small Town - Vs.
9. Indifference - Vs.
10. Yellow Ledbetter - Jeremy Single
11. Better Man - Vitalogy
12. Nothingman - Vitatogy
13. Immortality - Vitalogy
14. Corduroy - Vitalogy - Vitalogy
15. I Got ID - Merkinball
16. Given to Fly - Yield
17. Last Kiss - No Boundaries

I’m sure there will be must debate to this album (I never liked Jeremy, and this is my list), so feel free to comment on what you would add and or subtract. And as an added bonus, in a recent issue of Rolling Stone they had a Best of the Boots list which picked the best songs from their 176 official concert bootlegs:

1. Daughter - Las Vegas (11/30/93)
2. Go - East Rutherford, N.J. (9/8/98)
3. Corduroy - Virginia Beach, VA (8/3/00)
4. Yellow Ledbetter - Cincinnati (8/20/00)
5. Alive - Seattle (11/6/00)
6. Sometimes - Mansfield, Mass (7/11/03)
7. World Wide Suicide - Grand Rapids, Mich (5/19/06)

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

First Impressions: The Amazing Screw-On Head

The Amazing Screw-On HeadMany of probably haven’t heard of The Amazing Screw-On Head unless you are a die hard comic book fan. But it’s the latest to get the Hollywood treatment, but instead it will be on the small screen. And when I mean small screen, I do mean small as in Sci-Fi channel small. But even though the air until July 27, I was given an advance screening because, well, I rule*.

For those that are not aware of the comic (much like me), it centers on a, well, screw-on head, that is ironically enough amazing. This is a period piece circa the Civil War with the Screw-On Head working for Abraham Lincoln to protect national security. Even though they didn’t show up in the pilot episode, I have a feeling the Confederate will be showing up quite frequently. Maybe it will turnout that Stonewall Jackson was actually a robot.

Also helping out the screw-on head is his trusty manservant, the disturbingly named Mr. Groin, who successors all have killed by his first turned arch-nemesis, Emperor Zombie who, like most arch-nemesis(es), is trying to take over the world. And if killing all his menservants weren’t enough, Emperor Zombie even turned his one true love into a vampire. And we even get to see a flashback of the, um, love affair between the crew-on head and a human.

The pedigree behind the show is not too shabby either. First the comic book that is based on is from the same guy who created Hellboy. The do a real good job creating the show as it is the first cartoon that looks like a comic book put to motion without looking cheesy. The show itself is being produced by Bryan Fuller, the guy who brought us and the canceled way too soon . Oscar nominee is the voice of the Screw-On Head. Patton Oswalt, squandered on the unfunny King of Queens, is the manservant and Dr. Niles Crane is the brilliant Emperor Zombie. Mindy Sterling, best know as Dr. Evil’s underling Frau Farbissina, here plays a pair of Zombie’s underlings.

The show can quickly become the best cartoon on television the pilot is any indication. I has that campy humor that made Wonderfalls great (I never saw Dead Like Me because I too cheap to subscribe to a premium channel) and were plenty of laugh out load moments and plenty of chuckles to fill the gaps. Hopefully this is a start of a new wave of comic book adaptations because there were way too many bad live action versions.

*To be totally honest, you too can view the pilot early at the website and even take a nine question questionnaire afterwards.

Verdict: Even though I watch more Sci-Fi programming over the internet than on my television (which is none), I may have find out what channel it is on to watch The Amazing Screw-On Head.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I’m Still Texican to the Bone

Sacred - Los Lonely Boys

Two summers ago, the invaded the radio with the extremely catchy Heaven. The south of the border rock with harmonies was a refreshing diversion from all the rap and overproduced pop that still litters the radio landscape today and even won the Boys a Grammy that year. But the song, as catch as it was, did have the trappings of a one hit wonder though the band is back trying to avoid that dreaded label.

The new album starts right where they left off with their mix of their Texas upbringing and Mexican heritage all brought together with a pop appeal. The album’s first song, My Way, has almost a cabaret sound. Roses on the other hand has a disco feel it as if had grown up in Texas. Later on the album, Texican Style has a sixties vibe to it. All these different blend nicely with the already established TexMex sound the band has cultivated. But the problem with the album though, is they don’t stray to far from the style making it repetitive at times.

Songs like Diamonds sound as if they sat down and tried to create another Heaven. It also sounds like their cameo on ’s last album rubbed off because before looking at the musicians on the album, I though a few of the tracks featured the legendary guitarist. The imitations don’t start there as the first time I heard the opening riff to the closing track, Living My Life, I though they were redoing Creep. The Boys do branch out a little lyrically with the quasi-political One More Day stating, “Even the blind man sees what’s wrong with the world today” then stresses that that all we need is one more day to make a change.

The standout track Outlaws features two of the Boys biggest influences, and the guy who taught the Boys everything they know, their own father Enrique Garza Sr. The two add their own verse reminiscing on old Texas when the outlaws could also be the heroes. The two mentors light a spark under their protégés as there is an intensity that is sometimes missing on other tracks. Maybe on the next outing, they should make the trio into a five piece.

Song to Download - Outlaws

Sacred gets a Terror Alert Level: Elevated [YELLOW] on my Terror Alert Scale.

Los Lonely Boys on iTunes

Monday, July 17, 2006

We on Award Tour: 2006 ESPY's

The ESPY’s are quickly becoming the most entertaining award show of the year. This is most likely because this is the only award show for athletes, whom are actually gracious and excited to be there whereas there are plenty of award shows for acting and music and it shows on the faces of the attendees who looked bored at having to sit through another one and most likely only show up to promote something. Also unlike the end of the year the ESPY’s have little competition as the only award show in July and a good month after the MTV Movie Awards and a month or so before the Emmy’s and Video Music Awards. Plus the ESPY’s has the best award on the docket with the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage which is always tear jerking and since it’s sports related and on ESPN, it is socially acceptable for dude to cry during it. This year was the first time an actual athlete hosted the show and after setting the bar pretty low with his stint as a Saturday Night Live host, Lance Armstrong pretty much met expectation as the master of ceremony. Here are some observations from the show last night:

- Another reason why the ESPY’s are better than other award shows is because their pre-show doesn’t feature any creepy chicks that have had way too much plastic surgery. Instead we get Stuart Scott, Melyssa Ford, best know as a video ho-fessional, and the Black Widow, Jeanette Lee, someone everyone who has all thirty ESPN probably know, and if you don’t her, she’s a pool player. Not necessarily a murder’s row of interviewers, but at least Star Jones and her remodeled alien face were nowhere to be found.

- Nice that the pre-show starts off with a blatant plug for The Contender. Maybe this is just like every other award show.

- They even gave out some awards in the pre-show including Best Coach which was one by Bill Cowher. As much as I don’t like the dude, it was nice to see he’s re-growing his boy bander beard.

- During a commercial break, I flipped over to I Love the 70’s (which by the way, I don’t) and they were ironically talking about the start of ESPN and they asked Stu Scott what it stood for and he said he didn’t know. Make me fell a little better about not knowing.

- Best part of the pre-show was when Ford asked the High School Payer of the Year where she was going to college and she responded University of Connecticut, Ford asked, “UConn?” Way to pick someone with a low sports IQ.

- You just got to love Julius Jones’ comment about his new teammate Terrell Owens and how his different team, different T.O. sounds exactly like what Donavan McNabb said about this time two years ago. Have fun Cowboys fan.

- It looks like Gary Payton is already positioning himself as a NBA Draft analysis guy after he retires with his “upside” comment on Dwayne Wade. I think a Finals MVP really doesn’t have much “upside” left.

- As much as I wish Carmen Electra would just disappear, she has no discernable talent and you can find hotter chicks going down to your local fitness center, but I love how Stu Scott asked her about former husband Dennis Rodman. C’mon E!, skip the creepy looking Joan Rivers, Star Jones and Kathy Griffin this year and have Stu on the red carpet at the Emmy’s this year. I’d turn in for that.

Another reason to watch the ESPY's, Danica dropped it like it's hot- Obvious edit after Stu asked Danica Patrick about her boss David Letterman, I wonder what was cut out.

- Is it wrong that I have to chuckle every time I see Kobe Bryant out with his wife? Too bad Stu didn’t ask them about the white chick.

- The pre-show just happened to be ESPN2, and when 9:00 came around, Stu reminded us to switch over to ESPN, but when I did just that, it was the seventh inning of a Mets-Cubs game. Not only that, the game was a blow out, 13-5. with thirty channels, I don’t know why they just didn’t move the game to The Ocho. What’s worse was the actual awards were handed out Wednesday, a day with no sports going on. I don’t know why they just didn’t show it live them. What else could have been going on, the WNBA All-Star Game? Then I didn’t realize that I could have been watching Chappelle’s Show while I waited until after it ended. Then finally the ESPY’s started at 9:40.

- The show started out with quite possible the highlight of the evening, with it’s images of the past year that included highs and lows as well as obligatory memoriam section and a section for those who retired in the past year.

- As mediocre as Lance is at delivering a punch line, I still had to laugh at when he said he’d give his left nut to host the show and of course what award show would be complete without a Brokeback Mountain joke, this time when Lance said he was surprised to see Jake Gyllenhaal in the front row because he likes it in the rear. Nice to see they employed middle schoolers to write the monologue.

- First presenter of the night is Janet Jackson whose last appearance at a sporting event went… well, you know. She was out to present the Best Championship Performance. I find it interesting that the winner, Dwayne Wade, was also the only nominee whose championship performance wasn’t just one game. I’m not sure this is actually fair, maybe they should split this into two categories, one for game/match, the other for series.

- The Kip Pringle skit was decent, not quite the quality of MTV Movie Awards skits (Jessica Alba one’s not withstanding). Essentially what you have is Dwight Shrute from The Office playing himself but switched Lance in place of Michael Scott.

- Shawn White’s face when he lost Best Breakthrough Athlete was priceless. It’s like for the last month people were telling him he was a show-in, not realizing they were just blowing smoke. You’d think he just saw his girlfriend on a sex tape with another dude.

- Now it’s time for the serious part of the ceremony where Lance hypes his charity along with the Jimmy V Foundation. For these that were wondering who the mother and daughter they kept on showing during this part, they were ESPY nominee for Best Moment, Dakota Dowd and her mother, who has terminal cancer. Also, if you didn’t catch them, the websites that were talked about here were and

- I find it interesting the chick that presented with LeBron James wouldn’t let go of is arm. Now I’m not saying she’s a golddigger…

Coming soon to ESPN8, thumb wrestling- As great as the thumb wresting challenge was, I fear after putting on “sports” like dominos, Scrabble, and spelling bees, this may give the programmers at ESPN an idea.

- You got to love how they played the sexist You Shook Me All Night Long during the Best Female Athlete montage.

- Did we really need what boils down to a ten minute commercial for the Ricky Bobby? The movie itself asks the question, its their enough humor in dudes turning left for hours to warrant a movie lampooning it?

Arthur Ashe Award for Courage- Next up is the reason why people who don’t even pay attention to sports should watch the ESPY’s: The Arthur Ashe Award for Courage. This year’s recipients were two young Afghani women who organized a soccer league for girl their age. It’s heartbreaking to hear these girls have to play behind a military wall for their own protection. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, this is the best part of any award show.

- Yet another Will Ferrell bit. I’m beginning to think I’m the only one who doesn’t think this guy is funny. Really the funniest part of his serenade to Lance was Matt Leinart’s expression when Ferrell sang the line, “you’ve been everywhere in France except for Paris… Hilton’s pants.” Speaking of dudes who just saw his girlfriend’s sex tape.

- As much as I don’t understand the allure of dues turning left, I’m equally puzzled by the popularity of college football. This may have to due with my college team winning about as many games as years I attended. But really the fan base of many teams are guys who didn’t go to that school, or are not even smart enough to get into college. It a sham that the National Championship Game beat out a walk of home run in the 18th that ended a series after the winner game back from five down, tieing it up with their last batter in the 9th. They should bring back the IQ test for voting whether it be for the president or the ESPY’s.

- For those keeping track at home, there were three Brokeback Mountain jokes last night.

Would it be wrong to make a Brokeback Mountain joke about an autistic kid?- The best part of Jason McElwain winning for best moment was how exited the other nominees looked when he won (there was a four way cut screen when the winner was announced) with the George Mason coach being the first to congratulate him. Hopefully Shawn White takes note when he watches the rebroadcast.

Yeah, the right eye is looking at something different then the left- As much as I dislike Marky Mark, I got to love how he made fun of Ben Roethlisberger just before the Steelers won Best Team. I find it interesting who ESPN tried to build this up to be a big, touching event. This isn’t Christopher Reeves at the Oscars, did they really expect people would cheer a dude fore making a bonehead decision. It would have been like had the ESPY’s made Kobe the big surprise appearance right after being acquitted of raping a white chick. And after reading live reports of the award show, I wouldn’t be surprised had ESPN edited in some cheers. And a question for Steelers fan, did Ben have a lazy eye before the accident? His right eye has definitely been wondering around lately, maybe I just never noticed it before.

- The show ends appropriately enough, with an audience full of overpaid athletes, with The O’Jays singing for The Love of Money. Fun times.