If You Can Dodge a Wrench, You Can Dodge a Ball

The MTV Movie Awards were announce today so I threw together some predictions. Before I get to that, here are a few random thoughts. Jimmy Fallon has been announced as the host. Why? Did MTV not realize he hosted one of the worst Video Music Awards of all times and he was the major reason? Did they not see the box office return for Taxi. At least the last time he hosted the Movie Awards they had him host with Kirsten Dunst. I'm sure I'll be wishing for Lindsay Lohan to host again before Fallon's monologue is over. If you want to vote yourself, stop over to the MTV website. No musical performances announced yet, so onto the nominees:

Best Movie
"Kill Bill Vol. 2"
"Napoleon Dynamite"
"Spider-Man 2"
"Ray"
"The Incredible"

Who I voted for: Spider-Man 2
Who will win: Spider-Man 2

This was a no brainer for me as Spider-Man 2 will, and should walk away with some golden popcorn. The Incredible was decent for a kid’s movie. I have refused to see Ray due to my moratorium on bio-flicks and Napoleon Dynamite sucked massively as I already reported here. Might I also point out that Napoleon Dynamite was produced by MTV Films. I would have put Dodgeball in its place. Conspiracy anyone? When it comes down to it, the comic book nerds will crush the Tarantino nerd.

Best Male Performance
Jamie Foxx - "Ray"
Will Smith - "Hitch"
Brad Pitt - "Troy"
Matt Damon - "The Bourne Supremacy"
Leonardo DiCaprio - "The Aviator"

Who I voted for: Matt Damon
Who will win: Jamie Foxx

I have no bases for this vote as I saw none of these movies. Foxx will make it a complete sweep of all the awards. I voted for Damon solely because he brought us Project Greenlight. And why are all the nominees "serious" actors? Where's Ben Stiller? The Movie Awards are getting as bad as the Oscars when it comes to nominees.

Best Female Performance
Uma Thurman - "Kill Bill Vol. 2"
Lindsay Lohan - "Mean Girls"
Hilary Swank - "Million Dollar Baby"
Rachel McAdams - "The Notebook"
Natalie Portman - "Garden State"

Who I voted for: Natalie Portman
Who will win: Lindsay Lohan

How cute was Portman in that movie? For that alone she deserves to win, but MTV, and its 14 year old white girl fan base, love Lohan for some reason, so she will win it. Hopefully we are not subjected with a performance from her.

Best Comedic Performance
Antonio Banderas - "Shrek 2"
Dustin Hoffman - "Meet the Fockers"
Will Ferrell - "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy"
Ben Stiller - "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story"
Will Smith - "Hitch"

Who I voted for: Ben Stiller
Who will win: Will Ferrell

I have yet to figure out why everyone finds Ferrell funny. I never laughed at one of his sketches on SNL. Yet I fell off the couch every time I watch Dodgeball.

Best On-Screen Team
Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams, Lacey Chabert and Amanda Seyfried - "Mean Girls"
Craig T. Nelson, Holly Hunter, Spencer Fox and Sarah Vowell - "The Incredible"
Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell and David Koechner - "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy"
Vince Vaughn, Christine Taylor, Justin Long, Alan Tudyk, Stephen Root, Joel David Moore and Chris Williams - "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story"
John Cho and Kal Penn - "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle"

Who I voted for: Dodgeball
Who will win: Mean Girls

My love of Dodgeball has already been established, yet why no love for Rip Torn, he was the coach and inspired my title. But anyway, they have no chance against hot chicks in tight clothes. Not that I have any problem with that.

Best Villain
Tom Cruise - "Collateral"
Ben Stiller - "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story"
Rachel McAdams - "Mean Girls"
Jim Carrey - "Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events"
Alfred Molina - "Spider-Man 2"

Who should win: Rachel McAdams
Who will win: Alfred Molina

My vote is completely based on looks here. And the nastier Rachel got the hotter she looked. Ben Stiller, on the other hand, was just too stupid to be a Plus I can make an argument that Molina wasn't the actual villain but the tentacles were technically the villain, but the nerds will vote for him anyways.

Breakthrough Performance Male
Jon Heder - "Napoleon Dynamite"
Tim McGraw - "Friday Night Lights"
Zach Braff - "Garden State"
Freddie Highmore - "Finding Neverland"
Tyler Perry - "Diary of a Mad Black Woman"

Who I voted for: Zach Braff
Who will win: Jon Heder

Interesting competition. Braff deserves this mostly due to the writing and direction rather than the acting It will be a crime if the unfunny Herder wins but I have a feeling he will.

Breakthrough Performance Female
Rachel McAdams - "Mean Girls"
Ashanti - "Coach Carter"
Elisha Cuthbert - "The Girl Next Door"
Bryce Dallas Howard - "The Village"
Emmy Rossum - "The Day After Tomorrow"

Who I voted for: Rachel McAdams
Who will win: Rachel McAdams

I am beginning to think I may have a new crush. Granted Ashanti can't act, Cuthbert should be penalized for playing a porn star and not showing the goods, Rossum was fairly unmemorable in Day After Tomorrow. Howard might be in the category only because her uncle won the last Lifetime Achievement Award. Where did that award go anyways? That was always one of the best parts. Shaft, Chewbacca, and Jason Voorhees all past winner. Let's bring it back please.

Best Action Sequence
Destruction of Los Angeles - "The Day After Tomorrow"
The Subway Battle - "Spider-Man 2"
Beverly Hills Plane Crash - "The Aviator"
The Moscow Car Chase - "The Bourne Supremacy"
The Desert Terrorist Assault - "Team America: World Police"

Who I voted for: Team America: World Police
Who will win: Spider-Man 2

Puppets up for the Action Sequence award? The absurdity of that should put it on top, but alas, the nerds will come out on top.

Best Fight
The Battle of the News Teams - "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy"
Daryl Hannah vs. Uma Thurman - "Kill Bill Vol. 2"
Brad Pitt vs. Eric Bana - "Troy"
Ziyi Zhang vs. The Emperor's Guards - "House of Flying Daggers"

Who I voted for: House of Flying Daggers
Who will win: Anchorman

Again, the best won't win.

Best Kiss
Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling - "The Notebook"
Natalie Portman and Zach Braff - "Garden State"
Gwyneth Paltrow and Jude Law - "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow"
Jennifer Garner and Natassia Malthe - "Elektra"
Elisha Cuthbert and Emile Hirsch - "The Girl Next Door"

Who I voted for: The Notebook
Who will win: The Notebook

This award was entertaining 15 years ago, but it has lost its luster. I voted for The Notebook only because I was constantly told I looked like the dude from The Notebook. I haven't decided if being compared to a guy from a chick flick was a good thing or not.

Best Musical Performance
Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo (Thriller Dance) - "13 Going On 30"
Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell and David Koechner - (Afternoon Delight) - "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy"
John Cho and Kal Penn (Hold On) - "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle"
Jon Heder (Election Dance) - "Napoleon Dynamite"

Who I voted for: 13 Going On 30
Who will win: Napoleon Dynamite

This is all we have to choose from? Garner win only because it's a Michael Jackson reference that doesn't involve little boys for once.

Best Frightened Performance
Cary Elwes - "Saw"
Sarah Michelle Gellar - "The Grudge"
Jennifer Tilly - "Seed of Chucky"
Mya - "Cursed"
Dakota Fanning - "Hide and Seek"

Who I voted for: Sarah Michelle Gellar
Who will win: Sarah Michelle Gellar

A new category that should go as soon as it came. Not much of a horror guy, so I didn't see any of the movies so I'll just go with Buffy as will I think everyone else.

Best Video Game Based On A Movie
"Spider-Man 2"
"Van Helsing"
"Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay"
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"
"The Incredible"

Who I voted for: Spider-Man 2
Who will win: Spider-Man 2

Spider-Man 2 was the only game on the list that I played and it was pretty good after I finally got feeling for the controls, although I never was able to master them. I had to chuckle seeing Riddick and Van Helsing up for an award.