First Impressions - The Surreal Life 6

In the midst of the HBO free preview and watching the first two episodes of Big Love (scroll down for a review), I forgot all about the return of the guiltiest of pleasures on television Sunday, The Surreal Life. But luckily it is on VH1 so it’s been own about ten times since it premiered and will most likely be on another twenty-five time before the next new episode. Now in its sixth incarnation, this season is shaping up to be the best. And that says a lot considering the last two seasons included the Omarosa vs. Janice debacle and the all time greatest television moment, Mini Me, buck naked, on his scooter, peeing in the corner.

This season’s cast sports arguably the biggest star in the show’s history, token washed up actor Sherman Hemsley that everyone remembers as George Jefferson. Well everyone except token Playboy model Andrea Lowell who had to ask who the tanned guy was. Then there are possibly the most volatile cast mates in former Whitesnake hood ornament Tawny Kitaen and the transgender member of the Arquette clan Alexis. I was on the floor when the doorman asked her/him how it’s like to have Cox in the family.

Filling out the cast are token washed up rocker C.C. Deville of Poison and the Steve Harwell of Smash Mouth. Also Carol Brady will be dropping by everyday as the house therapist. And as a twist, this season’s token reality star was chosen via a man pageant by the other cast mates. The most notable of the group was former karaoker and Paula Abdul boy toy Corey Clark. I’m actually surprised that with his notoriety VH1 didn’t just put him in the house as no one else was nearly as famous as he was. There was a Big Brother and Survivor alum, neither of which I’ve heard of even though I’ve seen all the Survivors. Then there was Ace of The Real World: Paris. But he was beat out by Tough Enough champion Maven Huffman, who was recently released from his WWE contract that he won on the show.

The first episode was your usual pleasantries of most shows of this type where they chose their roommates and get to know each other, so the claws usually don’t come out until the second episode, and judging by the preview of the upcoming weeks, there will be many claws out this season. Hopefully everyone learns soon to hide Tawny’s shoes from her, just ask Chuck Finley about that. That’s not to say there weren’t any entertain parts of the first episode. In a page out of The Osbournes page book, Hemsley’s stuttering is so bad they had to subtitle him and eventually do it grammatically for an extra laugh. And what could be an interesting development, I’m not entirely sure Maven realized yet that Alexis has the same parts as him yet. And on that note, Alexis propositioning Andrea for the “last ride” before his/her operation was one of the funniest moments on television so far this year.

Verdict: Much like a crack addict, I just can’t stop. Plus I think we are getting closer and closer to our first reality death, whether it be homicide or overdose (who wants to bet either C.C., Steve, or Tawny fall off the wagon during the show, I not all three?) and I don’t want to miss that.

First Impressions - Big Love

Thanks to the HBO free weekend, I got to check out the first two episodes of their latest series, Big Love which follows a rouge polygamist living in secret with his three wives and seven children. The show stars Bill Paxton (Twister) as Bill, a guy who grew among a polygamist compound but was kicked out as a kid and forced to fend for himself. But instead of going far away from those that booted him, Paxton gets himself three wives who live in consecutive houses and whose backyard is starting to look a lot like the compound he left.

Wife number one, Barb, or boss lady as the others like to call her, played by Jeanne Tripplehorn (Waterworld), is the most stable one in the family, someone that everyone looks up to, so it’s pretty clear she will have a mental breakdown by the end of the season. Then there’s Nicki, number two played by Chloë Sevigny (The Brown Bunny), who, even though she seems to be the most Mormon of the bunch, is addicted to shopping. The latest wife, who seemed to be straight from a sorority house, Margene as played by Ginnifer Goodwin whom I will always remember as Diane Snyder on Ed and seems to get more and more attractive on everything she does.

As for the children, the only one of note is Amanda Seyfried, better know as the late Lilly Kane, as the eldest Hendrickson who doesn’t seem to fond of her living situation with the two extra moms. And she isn’t the only Veronica Mars alum to show up either as she quickly befriend new co-worker played by computer nerd Mac who morphs herself Mormon nerd. Then there’s Beaver, who may be sporting an “I (Heart) Dick” shirt on the show in later episodes because I sensed a in the closet gay vibe from his character as Lilly’s brother’s friend.

And the cast just keeps expanding, as the name of the show suggests, as we also get to meet Bill’s eccentric mom and half dead father who has been poisoned with arsenic. Both Bill and pa finger mom, but it seems pretty obvious to me that it was done by compound prophet Roman (Harry Dean Stanton) who just also happens to Nicki’s father. And to add to the creepy factor, Roman, who’s pushing sixty, has just married a chick who just reached her teenage years played appropriately enough by the creepy chick from The Ring.

Now the thought of a polygamist family would make for good television as it would be three times the laugh, but here is the big problem with Big Love, it’s still a Mormon family. Mormons are really known for being all that interesting. I don’t mean that in a bad way as Mormons are the nicest people I have never met but nice doesn’t make for the best TV. If fact the most interesting part of the show is totally stolen from it’s lead in, The Sopranos, with the Roman extorting his son-in-law out of 15% of all the money he makes. But having The Beach Boys God Only Knows as a theme song is pretty cool.

Verdict: It’s interesting, especially with all the Veronica Mars connections, and Goodwin is captivating, but Big Love is definitely not worth the subscription to HBO to see, but definitely worth checking out the DVD is, or when, it comes out if you don’t already subscribe.

No Reason to Get Excited

A couple months ago I reviewed Rev Run’s first solo album (see the review - Your Momma's Favorite Rapper), and now it’s time for the other living half of the seminal rap group, Darryl “DMC” McDaniel, to throw his hat back in the game with his first solo outing Checks, Thugs and Rock N Roll. Whereas Run took the safe route, veering not very far from his previous sound, taking the minimalist approach coming in just over a half an hour with no guest appearances, DMC is more adventuress and packs in multiple singers and rappers to help him out clocking in just under an hour.

The album starts off with one of the most disturbing samples in which Puffy wasn’t involved when DMC brings in the dude from Buckcherry and the less glamorous members of Aerosmith to rework Jimmy Hendrix All Along the Watchtower. And if that isn’t weird enough for you, later he brings in Sarah McLachlan to recreate the Harry Chapin classic Cats in the Cradle and renames it Just Like Me. The song must be heard to be believed especially when they go over the top by bringing in the kids choir.

But that’s it for the unnecessary samples even though Freaky Chick sounds a lot like Tone Loc’s Wild Thing. But the guest parade doesn’t stop there though. Kid Rock shows up on the life after death song Find My Way which is dedicated to Jam Master Jay and Joe C. Old school legend Doug E. Fresh shows up on Lovey Dover and new school go to hook singer Ciara lends her “talents” on What’s Wrong. Even though it sounds a lot like Eve rapping on Cold, it’s really Ms. Jade. And his old buddy Rev Run even spits a verse on Come 2gether that doesn’t really congers up images of the good ol’ days.

But the major problem with the album is that DMC’s voice has change dramatically since he last put his rhymes on wax. In the classics days, he had a smooth baritone delivery but here his voice is higher and more nasally. The content is deeper though as if DMC has spent his down time listing to Public Enemy and watching CNN as there more than a few songs dealing with the world today including the many wars that are raging. Unfortunately it’s hard to get past the voice to listen to the message.

Song to Download - Just Like Me

Checks, Thugs and Rock N Roll gets a on Terror Alert Scale.

I (Heart) Kristen

I really wasn’t planning to write anything today because with a name like McGavin, St. Patrick’s Day is basically a national holiday, add to that it coincides with the NCAA tournaments makes it a double whammy. Not to mention my boys over at Kent State play tonight. But I just had to share something.

My birthday is coming up in the near future so it’s about that time I start receiving birthday cards and I got one that looked very much like one except it was post-marked from San Diego. Now my mother has a cousin who lives in the city but he has never sent me anything before and I’ve only met the guy about three times in my life. So I was pleasantly surprised when I opened it up and this was written inside the card:





Okay, this was uber-cool and totally unexpected. That the star and namesake would take time out of television show to write a thank you letter apologizing that she couldn’t spend more time with us, even though it wasn’t her fault and was summoned away by the director, just makes me (heart) her even more. Now if only her character would hook up with Dick, that would rule.

And one more thing, GO Golden Flashes! Um, nevermind that last part.

Toss Up: Lost vs Veronica Mars week 10 3/4

Last night we had our first all new Veronica Mars in what seemed like forever, but at least now we have two straight months without a repeat leading up to the finale. The big news from last night was the guest appearance of Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari in her first ever acting role, well that’s if you don’t think the reality show is staged. But anyways. And wow was her acting bad. I’m talking Middle School production of Our Town bad. But much like Laguna Beach it was so bad it became entertaining. There was one look she had while in the bathroom that had me falling off the couch laughing it was so overdramatic. (By the way, both pictures in this post are courtesy of UPN/Warner Bros.)

Cavallari played a lesbian, The Attractive Nuisance pointed out for some reason didn’t wear an “I (Heart) Beaver” t-shirt, who is being blackmailed to stay in the closet along with other gay Neptune students. But it was the tricky Cavallari who plotted to out herself so she could walk down the hall hand in hand with her girlfriend while Dick ogled her.

One part of the whole online gay community that I found interesting was the dude who threatened to out people and disappeared was on the bus along with bi-curious Marcos, whixh makes two S.H.I.P.’ers who were on the bus. Being the conspiracy theorist that I am, I wonder if this is coincidental or could this have something to do with the bus crash. After last night you can also add the Indian casino owners to the long list of suspects. But the biggest bit of evidence found in this episode implicated already charged Terrence Cook when Veronica found explosives in the hanger where Terrence keeps his fleet of cars. But the hanger is own by my lead candidate, Woody Goodman.

Then there was Logan, who continued his fake courtship of the uber-cute Hanna who is so gullible she bought his line about why he didn’t want to be seen in public with her and that he didn’t know how her daddy was when he met her. Or Hannah just wants Logan to think she is gullible and she will pull a WWF type swerve when she is called as a witness at Logan’s trail for the defense supposable to sell out her dad only to pick up a steel chair and nail Logan in the back on the way to the stand, ripping off her sun dress to reveal an “I (Heart) Daddy” t-shirt. Oh, and what a classic look Veronica gave when Mac mentioned that Hannah’s dad was a plastic surgeon.

But the highlights for me were the scenes between Veronica and Dick. First Dick “nails” Veronica, “I remember you taller and less uppity.” Then Veronica walks into Dick fantasy by asking him “Could it help if I started making out with my girlfriend in the hallway.” Dick’s “Yeah, obviously” was priceless. Seriously, how long until Veronica sports an “I (Heart) Dick” shirt? Then we get the return of my favorite fringe character Madison. And Corny had a breakout line with “I’m what they call a master bait.” For some reason they brought back last year’s Popsicle Princess, Carmen for a small part. I wonder if this was just the beginning of something. (On a side note, is anyone else a little put off that the last gig this actress had was playing a teacher on Boston Public? So she went from playing a teacher to a high school junior in about three years. Um, okay.) And if there wasn’t already reason enough reason to hate Sheriff Lamb; he’s apparently a Big and Rich fan. Also props to Cavallari for using the pseudonym Rick Santorum to blackmail her gay pal even though it didn’t seem Veronica or the baseball pitcher (or was he a catcher) didn’t seem to get the joke (and if you didn’t either, Santorum is the Republican Senator from Pennsylvania). And there also seemed to be another Arrested Development reference with the Kissncuzn screen name. But the line of the night was Veronica asking the PCH wannabe, “Did you just call me lady?”

For those who wonder why this episode was titled Versatile Topping, here’s the explanation from creator Rob Thomas, “The title of that episode, Versatile Toppings, is an inside joke between myself and Dan Etheridge, one of the producers here. And he used the phrase a couple times around me ‘negotiable top’ or ‘negotiable bottom’ and I misheard him so I kept using the phrase ‘versatile top’ rather than ‘negotiable top’ (Ducky mentioned “it also works” followed by laughter). So when we had a story that combined pizza delivery guys and outing gay students, it became Versatile Toppings.”

Next week there is a potentially scene of the year candidate when Kendal visit Papa Echolls in jail. Conjugal visit possibly? And surely there will be fallout from the explosives and you can bet Veronica will have something to say to Logan about his new girl. And it looks like we will have a first new Toss Up with Lost next week too as it will be back with what looks to be a Jin and Sun-centric episode considering Sun asking for a pregnancy test, which I never leave at home when traveling, in the previews and the repeat last night of a previous Jin/Sun-centric episode. But I’ll leave you with a Veronica only Toss Up from last night’s episode:

Worst Love Life
Veronica: As Dick points out “you dated Logan, he’s nailed for murder, you dated Duncan, he’s wanted for kidnapping. You’re like rich dude kryptonite Veronica.”
Logan: He points out to Hannah that, “My first girlfriend was murdered, my last girlfriend nearly got shotgunned by a PCH’er drive-by. Color me crazy but I see a pattern.”
Winner: Logan

Lyrics Quiz - Et Tu Brutus

With the Lyrics Quiz falling on the Ides of March I though I would have a Julius Caesar theme about lead singers who stabbed their bands in the back by going solo. As always leave your guesses in the comment section, both song title and artist. If you are correct, I will un-bold the lyric and give you credit. As an added bonus this month, you can get extra points by guessing the group they left behind. If a person doesn’t guess the former band, you can steal the points after, and only after the guess has been made. The person with the most correct lyrics will be added to the Winner’s list on my sidebar. Now on to the quiz:

Hints

25. Former group's songs - Automobile, Express Yourself, Just Don't Bite It


1. If my corpse could talk then I would tell you I was sorry. (Gone 'till November - Wyclef Jean guessed by Sha Shinizzle; Bonus - The Fugees)
2. I’ve tell myself too many time “Why don’t you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut?” (Why - Annie Lennox; guessed by Sha Shinizzle; Bonus - The Eurythmics)
3. And the wonder of it all is that you just don’t realize how much I love you. (Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton; guessed by Scottage; Bonus - The Yardbirds, Cream, Blind Faith guessed by The Catapillar)
4. These dreams are tied to a dream that will never die. (Desert Rose - Sting; guessed by The Catapillar; Bonus - The Police)
5. You were my sun, you were my earth, you didn’t know all the ways I loved you, no. (Cry Me a River - Justin Timberlake; guessed by The Attractive Nuisance; Bonus - N'Sync)
6. You wanna stay little daddy’s girl, you wanna hide from the vicious world outside. (Life Is Sweet - Natalie Merchant; Bonus - 10,000 Maniacs)
7. B-A-N-A-N-A-S (Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stepani; guessed by Magnolia; Bonus - No Doubt)
8. Heading into twilight, spreading out our wings tonight. (Danger Zone - Kenny Loggins; guesed by Sha Shinizzle; Bonus - Loggins and Messina)
9. You come knocking on my front door, same ol’ line you used to use before. (Stop Draggin' My Heart Around - Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty; guessed by Magnolia; Bonus - Fleetwood Mac)
10. My love, there’s only you in my life, the only thing that’s right. (Endless Love - Lionel Ritchie and Diana Ross; guessed by Magnolia; Bonus - The Commodores)
11. Mad ‘cause I got floor seats at the Lakers, see me on the 50 yard line with the Raiders. (Gettin Jiggy Wit It - Will Smith; guessed by The Attractive Nuisance; Bonus - DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince)
12. Out on the road today, I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac. (The Boys of Summer - Don Henley; guessed by Magnolia; Bonus - The Eagles)
13. You could have an airplane flying if you brought your blue skies back. (Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel; guessed by Magnolia; Bonus - Genesis)
14. You should’ve been gone knowing how I made you feel. (Oh Sherrie - Steve Perry; guessed by Sha Shinizzle; Bonus - Journey)
15. It’s been three week since you’ve been looking for your friend, the one you let hit it and never called you again. (Doo Wop (That Thing) - Lauyrn Hill guessed by The Attractive Nuisance; Bonus - The Fugees)
16. We got a Thousand Points of Light for the homeless man. (Rockin' in the Free World - Neil Young; guessed by Sha Shinizzle; Bonus Buffalo Springfield)
17. Caught up in the action, I’ll be looking out for you. Tell me can you feel it. (The Heat Is On - Glen Frey; guessed by Sha Shinizzle; Bonus - The Eagles)
18. Just me hold you while you’re falling apart, just let me hold you and we’ll both fall down. (Ever the Same - Rob Thomas (not to be confused with this Rob Thomas); guessed by Sha Shinizzle; Bonus - Matchbox Twenty)
19. Ooo baby I like it raw, Ooo baby I like it raw. (Shimmy Shimmy Ya - Ol' Dirty Bastard; guessed by Sha Shinizzle; Bonus - Wu-Tang Clan)
20. How could you just walk away from me when all I can do is watch you leave? (Against All Odds - Phil Collins; guessed by Magnolia; Bonus - Genesis)
21. I got the only key to your heart; I can stop you from falling apart. (Let My Love Open the Door - Pete Townshend; guessed by Sha Shinizzle; Bonus - The Who)
22. Used to be my homie, used to be my ace, now I wanna slap the taste out your mouth. (Dre Day - Dr. Dre; guessed by Sha Shinzzle; Bonus - NWA)
23. All alone I sit home by the phone waiting for you baby. (Say, Say, Say - Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson; guessed by Sha Shinizzle; Bonus - The Beatles)
24. I was every little hungry schoolgirl's pride and joy and I guess it was enough for me. (Freedom '90 - George Michael; guessed by The Attractive Nuisance; Bonus - Wham!)
25. I make dough but don’t call me Dough Boy, this ain’t no motion picture.

The Mystery That Is Shelly Pomroy

Last week I shared with you my number one burning question for Rob Thomas, creator of Veronica Mars, dealing with the other dude with his name (see No, Not That Rob Thomas), and today I will regale you with the question I most wanted to know about the show, here’s the transcript:

Scooter McGavin: One person that’s been brought up a lot last season and has been brought up once this season; are we ever going to meet Shelly Pomroy?

(Rob Laughs)

Scooter: Unless I’ve missed it, I don’t think we’ve ever seen her except in the background.

Rob Thomas: Shelly Pomroy, now this is a great bit of trivia, Shelly Pomroy is a girl I went to high school with and had a crush on in seventh grade and she dated my best friend throughout high school and remains a good friend to this day and she has a cousin who had work in soup operas and was coming out to LA to make it as an actor. And she called me; Shelly Pomroy called me, and said “Would you mind seeing my cousin if you have anything right for her?” And this was the Purity Test episode, the Purity Test episode we need a cheerleader and said, “Yeah send in your cousin and I’ll meet her.” And that’s Madison Sinclair. Madison Sinclair is played by Shelly Pomroy’s cousin, which is a weird bit of business because Shelly Pomroy is a real person. Shelly Pomroy has been referenced…

Magnolia: Which one?

Rob: Oh which one, which one of the two. Because the first time we cast Shelly Pomroy we didn’t need an actress we just need someone we could make out, the second time we need an actor.

Magnolia: In the pilot she was just an extra sitting in the lunchroom with Duncan and Logan and the camera focused on her, “that’s Shelly Pomroy.” Then she’s a brunette, then there’s also a show where’s she’s making out with Duncan, people didn’t know that was Shelly Pomroy.

Rob: And that’s bad planning on our part.

Magnolia: And then there’s a third one in A Trip to the Dentist where she’s doing the…

Rob: Uh, Straddling Veronica.

Magnolia: How do you explain that, closet lesbian?

Rob (chuckles): Yes.

My tape cuts off there as I believe we reached the wardrobe trailer and the conversation pretty much ended. There were some spots of bad audio so I may have missed it on the playback, but I’m pretty sure that Rob said that the girl named Shelly that dated Duncan early in season one was intended to be the infamous Shelly Pomroy. And while transcribing this I noticsed he totally didn’t answer my original question, but it was an interesting response especially since it involved one of my favorite non-cast member, Madison Sinclair. What can I say; I have a soft spot for hot chicks with attitude problems. Speaking of hot chicks with attitude problems, the good people at UPN/Warner Bros has passed along some pictures of Laguna Beach alum Kristin Cavallari who will be making a guest appearance on tomorrow’s brand new Veronica Mars which I have posted one below courtesy of UPN/Warner Bros and is used by permission. If you want to see more you can check out my new photo blog, the aptly titled Scooter McGavin Takes Pictures. Also below the picture I will print some spoilers that UPN passed along, so avoid them if you don’t want to see them.





Spoiler Alert

Veronica is on the case when someone tries to blackmail the gay students of Neptune High;
Dr. Griffith tells Logan to stay away from his daughter Hannah after he walks in on the two of them cuddling on the couch;
Veronica tries to track down a runaway bride, who happens to be Wallace's new girlfriend's sister;
Aaron Echolls meets with Kendall Casablancas and asks if she can get into Logan's hotel suite;
And Veronica runs into her ex-boyfriend, Troy (guest star Aaron Ashmore), when taking a college tour with Wallace.

Also, Michael Cera (George Michael) and Alia Shawkat (Maeby) of Arrested Development guest star.

It's March Madness Baby! 2006 Edition

It's my favorite time of the year, St. Patrick's Day, my birthday, Peeps (during the occasional March Easter), spring training, Shamrock Shakes, and most importantly March Madness. I'm actually coming off my best outing ever coming in third in the office pool. So I figured I would pass on my college basketball wisdom on to you. Even though Selection Sunday is still a good two weeks away there are a few rules you can abide by every year without having to see the bracket.

Rule #1 - Duke always makes it to the Sweet 16. Remember last week when everyone said Duke was in trouble? But an ACC title run later, Coach K and crew are back on track. Some people may argue that Duke is an automatic Final Four pick every year, and that would be a good bet most years but Sweet 16 is a guarantee when it comes to Duke.

Rule #2 - Never bet on the Big Ten. It's never a good idea to trust institutions of higher learning that can't count and the Big Ten backs that philosophy up. It's always guaranteed that at the end of the first weekend, when they show the breakdown of how the all the major conferences did, the Big Ten always has the worst record. Then everyone questions why they got so many bids, and then the next year they still get 4-6 more bids to the Big Dance. And that means 3-5 more upset points for us. Yeah, one team may make it to the second weekend, but as a whole avoid the Big 10.

Rule #3 - The MAC is always good for a win. As a product of the Mid-American Conference, I am very aware of this rule. Every year the Mac is overlooked and draws a 10-12 seed then knocks off the 5-7 seed (usually an at large bid from an overrated conference) thus racking up the upset points.
The Gonzaga Corollary - To go a step further on Rule #4, always pick any lower Mid Major seed vs. a 4th or lower from a major conference. Most major conferences do not deserve 4 or more bids and prove with early exits from those teams.

Rule #4 - Home Court Matters. College Basketball is the sport where home court/field advantage is most prominent. Yes, I know there is no home court advantage in March Madness because they play on neutral courts, but when you (or your fans) have to travel less than 50 miles to get to get to the game than you are at a distinct advantage. So when you are filling out your brackets pay close attention where the first weekend games are taken place.

Rule #5 - Ask Your Sister. The most important rule even though it discredits everything I’ve said before. Every year guy spend from 6:00 Sunday until 12:00 Thursday mulling over websites, watching Sportcenter, and taking in all the information from all the blowhards and self proclaimed braketologist. But by the time April rolls around, it’s a chick who took five minutes filling out her bracket who takes home the big prize. So if you want to win this year, just don’t over think everything.

Now onto my picks:

Atlanta
Finals: Duke vs. Texas
Upset Special: NC State

Oakland
Finals: UCLA vs. Kansas
Upset Special: Kent State

Washington DC
Finals: UConn vs. North Carolina
Upset Special: Utah St. (Not that I picked them)

Minneapolis
Finals: Boston College vs. Ohio State
Upset Special: Northern Iowa

Final Four
Duke over UCLA
UConn over Boston College

Duke over UConn 83-76

Switch Me On, Turn Me Up

It’s been a good couple months for dance music with songs by Annie and the group formally known as Astaire, Blondfire making songs for the dancefloor that doesn’t absolutely suck, not to mention rock bands like Franz Ferdinand that make song that even I can dance too. Now you can add Goldfrapp to the list of dance artist that you don’t need to be high on ecstasy to enjoy with the release of her new album Supernature. Of and for those that don’t already know, if you need drugs to make music sound good, then by definition its suck, I’m talking to you Deadhead. But anyways.

The album starts off with a double dose of upbeat sons that demand your attendance out on the dancefloor with the thumping (but not the annoying bass kind) Ooh La La and the electric Lovely 2 C U. But the album goes into dance clichés with Ride on a White Horse, a song that gets old quick with its monotone singing and music that overpowers the vocals.

Then, when things get slowed down, Goldfrapp suddenly turns into Portishead on song You Never Know and Let it Take You with poor results. And it seems lie the two song take forever end. The album gets back on track Fly Me Away but it’s really hit or miss after except Satin Chic that has an old time western feel, but of course with a dance twist and the 80’s sounding Number 1. It may be best just to buy the best song on iTunes because there is way too much filler buy the album as a whole.

Song to Download - Ooh La La

Supernature gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Big Head Barry and the Monsters - Book Review Edition

It’s been a while since I wrote about my favorite oversized dome, but it’s been quite since Barry Bonds took most of last season off. Then spring training came around and all of the sudden it looked as if Barry grew a sense of humor and participated in a Giants Karaoke contest for the rookie donning a wig and playing the part of Paula Abdul even though the equal annoying Simon Cowell would have been the obvious choice. And just as everyone started to praise for actually participating with teammates for presumable the first time, the next day it came out this was just part of his new reality series for ESPN.

Then, almost on cue, Sports Illustrated posts excerpts from a new book, Game of Shadows, in the magazine and on its website that goes into great detail of Barry’s alleged steroid abuse. The book is by San Francisco Chronicle writers Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams the same guy that brought us the leaked grand jury testimony where Big Head Barry stated he never knowingly took steroids. In it the writers go through the laundry list of illegal substances that led to Barry’s oversized head including the now infamous Cream and the Clear, Stanozolol, the drug that was the result of Ben Johnson’s failed drug test, testosterone and human growth hormones, which Bond’s dealer, Greg Anderson, bought off of AIDS patients, insulin, Mexican beans, trenbolone, a steroid used in beef cattle, and my personal favorite Clomid, a drug doctors prescribe to women for infertility, which could explain why he would put on a dress to play Abdul.

But what could be the worst part of the book is not all the drugs Barry took, most people have come to realize some of the biggest names of the past ten years have been doing the same thing, it’s why he took them, jealousy. Throughout the nineties Barry was building up a resume of someone who could be in the talk with the all time greats racking up MVP’s and Gold Gloves with equal parts power and speed. Then in 1998 Mark McGwire shattered the single season home run record to much fan fare and Bonds became relatively forgotten. After that, Bonds knowing he was more talented than McGwire decided to start taking steroids like McGwire to even the playing field and once again put himself in the rightful place, on top.



This book will again be another stain for Commissioner Bud Selig who has made poor judgment after poor judgment throughout his tenure. Word is that Selig is considering suspending Bonds but it’s doubtful that will fly as the players association will shoot down any kind of suspension. But here’s a suggestion for Bud that could save his legacy, and I’m not referring to the lame World Baseball Classic, ban Barry Bonds, or Bar-roid as Jim Rome would say, from baseball. Yeah the entire book is allegations by people with questionable credibility, but weren’t Pete Rose’s ban based on allegations by equally shady people? And unlike Rose, Bond has physical evidence against him (see above). I don’t want to hear how steroid were not banded by baseball during Bond’s run, they were still illegal in this country and were known to give the user an unfair advantage. And I don’t care if they need to take down McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro, Pudge Rodriguez , Sammy Sosa, Jason Giambi and the rest of the Monsters to do it.

In a Perfect World All the Geeks Get the Girls

One of the best reality television ideas ever came back for a second season recently in Beauty and the Geek. I had reservations about this season because the greatness of the original was that neither subject sample really knew what they were getting into so you truly had a group of dumb token hot chicks and a group of uber-geeks. Know that everyone has seen the show, potential contestants know what to expect and could fake dumb at the audition to get on the show. I ever heard people suggest that Wes Wilson, or nerd who tracks monkeys with lasers, was a plant.

My suspicions were justifies as the show took a hit creatively this season. The geeks weren’t as interesting and the hit chicks weren’t as vapid. Josh Herman stood to be the breakout star of this season after his panic attack upon first meeting the bikini-clad beauties, but really calmed down from there and rarely had a spaz attack after that. And sadly Josh didn’t have an arch nemesis much like Chuck Munyon and Richard Rubin from last season.

But it was the females that really brought down the season. It became pretty clear throughout the season that many of them, including Cher Tenbush, Brittney Knott, and Sarah Coleman were not as dumb as they let on. I believe that many stated early in the season that they had even gone to college. Cher even said that she plans to go to med school with the money she won. But a god side product of this was the more intelligent Brittany lead, the hotter she got. She was my pre-season number three on the hottest scale, but if I were to reorder, she be number one with a bullet.

The challenges also weren’t as interesting this time around as they were last season when they had such tasks as fixing a car and the rocket science test. And what could have been the most interesting one in the karaoke challenge, got boring quick as the guys had to perform the exact same song. And having the girls play strip poker with the nerds clothing was just wrong on so many levels. Even the ploy of switching up the game fail miserably when they gave one team the chance to switch up ant team they wanted including their own. Chris and decided to end their partnership with Chris hooking up with Tristin Clow while Amanda took Brandon and both teams were promptly sent to the elimination room in the first week.

It looks like we won’t even get a reunion show either as Supernatural debuts in Beauty and the Geek’s timeslot starting next week. Word on the street is that Ashton Kutcher is already to shake up the game dramatically for the next season with the beauties being dudes who are teamed up with geeky girls. It will be interesting to see if this makes it to screen as the already filmed Average Joe spin-off, Average Jane, has yet to make it to the small screen. But if Rachel Lee Cook taught us anything in She's All That, a female nerd is a makeover away from being homecoming queen, well, as long as she was hot before becoming a nerd.

Beauty and the Geek 2.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

First Impressions - America's Next Top Model Cycle 6

I have to come clean about something; I have never watched America’s Next Top Model. You’d think hot chicks where little to no clothing would be appointment television for me but alas, things like that don’t really peak my interest. But with ANTM taking over the Veronica Mars timeslot, Lost being a repeat and nothing worth watching at 8:00 on Wednesday (seriously, how is Freddie still on the air?), I thought I’d give the 6th Cycle a try. And therein lies the problem with ANTM is there has already been five season and the only winner I can name is the chick that hooked up with Peter Brady. Um, what was her name again? But anyways. I have watch a second of American Karaoke contest but I know Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood.

My first thought while watching the show is why I haven’t watched this before. Maybe the whole hot chicks in little clothing wasn’t as overrated as I thought. First thing some of the girls did upon arriving at their new house was hop in the hot tub and get naked. Let me repeat that last sentence if you weren’t paying attention. First thing some of the girls did upon arriving at their new house was hop in the hot tub and get naked. I think Tek and Ruthie from Real World: Hawaii were the only reality cast mates to get naked faster. But here’s the problem with this is that once you’ve seen a chick wear nothing but blurred pixels, what else is there to look forward to?

The show starts off by narrowing the first thirty-two contestants solely by an interview process by Tyra and (what could be the best line I’ve heard in a week) Mr. and Mrs. Jay. The only thing of note here was how disturbing the chick from Ohio’s feet were. They were kick her out of bed disgusting.

Next they reduced the group that was left even more to the final thirteen by having the girls do their own makeup for a close-up photo shoot. And here is where the show really irritated me by dumping the self proclaimed conservative Dani from Texas. You got to give it up to any chick who stated she hates gay people when trying out for a profession that is filled with gay people. Then at dinner she insulted half of the contestants by saying black people wrongly get preferential treatment. Racism hasn’t been this hot since Kate Bosworth in Remember the Titans. Unfortunately she didn’t make the final cut as they instead gave a spot to a chick from New Orleans as Tyra stated how it wasn’t a pity selection, pretty much ensuring that it was, in fact, pity selection. Hopefully Dani gets picked up by another reality show soon preferable the Real World basically so we can see a showdown between her and Coral at a future Real World/Road Rules challenge.

It was all downhill from there, well asides from the hot tub scene. For their first assignment, the girls were to go bald. From the moment they mention this was the first shoot in the new evil TV Guide, I knew they wouldn’t shave the girls head and instead have them put on bald caps, and that was indeed the case (oh I almost forgot the coked up Janice Dickenson made an appearance during some press conference thing). And much like Natalie Portman, none of the girls could pull of the bald look and still be attractive. Instead most of them looked like castoff from a Coneheads sketch. In the end it came down to Furonda and Kathy, both who I pegged to be out early, with Kathy ultimately getting the boot. Here are some of my predictions:

Winner: NNenna
Backup Choice: Sara
Most Likely to Slap Someone: Jade
Next to Go: Mollie Sue
Axed Contestant I’d Like to Hang With: Dani
Contestant I’d Most Like to Have Dirty, Dirty Sex With: Kari (at right)


Verdict: Had they kept Dani around, I would have watched every second she was there, but know I may turn into Veronica Mars early to see if anything exciting is coming in the future.

First Impressions - Sons & Daughters

I was less than impressed by the commercials for Sons & Daughters of course that could just be because I don’t really find a five year old saying “We’re going to hell because we’re Jewish,” all that funny. But with all the Arrested Development comparisons I decided to check it out anyways. Although, aside from the family aspect, the only one I could find was the wanna be actor involved in a sex-less marriage.

The show is the brainchild of Fred Goss from Bravo’s Significant Others which, like Sons & Daughters, was partially improvised. Both shows show why improvisation should be left to small skits involving Drew Carey because they are peppered with uncomfortable pauses where you assume the actors are trying to think of something funny to say. And this isn’t the same type uncomfortable pauses that makes The Office funny either, it’s the kind of pauses that make you want to look at your watch.

The cast boosts a litter of virtual unknowns as I only recognized Amanda Walsh from a recent stint on Smallville as a token hot chick in a bikini and Greg Pitts who is best known, and only known, for bringing the phrase “O face” into the vernacular. And if you don’t know what an O face is you really need to buy Office Space. But anyways. The show itself follows around Cameron and his family of misfits which features his Jewish wife and two kids one of which is named Ezra, yet no Better Than Ezra jokes were made yet. He also has a son from a previous marriage who might as well been called George Michaels. Then there’s his sister, the one in the sex-less marriage and her two children. One of which also likes to make inappropriate comments like asking to get a bikini wax. Did I mention she was thirteen? There’s also Cameron’s half sister (Walsh) who’s living with her parents and her kid apparently to get away from the baby daddy (Pitts).

Verdict: There were a few laughs in the first two episodes last night but I knew Arrested Development, and this, sir, is no Arrested Development, or My Name Is Earl, Everybody Hates Chris, or How I Met Your Mother for that matter. But at least it was better than Four Kings and Emily's Reasons Why Not.

It's Just the Dice You Roll

During the lead up to the Live 8 concerts last year, the big new was the reuniting of Pink Floyd, well san a still missing in action Syd. Many faithful hoped that this may be the beginning of thing to come with maybe a tour or even a new concert. Even during the concert, the band mates seemed cordial, getting together with a bow at the end. Since then both David Gilmour and Roger Waters stated that Live 8 was a one time thing with Waters promptly releasing an opera and Gilmour a just released album.

On an Island is Gilmour’s third solo record, which comes long longer than once in a blue moon, his last was eighteen years ago. Like many Pink Floyd albums, this one starts off with an instrumental, but Castellorizon is clunky and in no way sets a good mood for the album. This then transitions into the title track that sound very much like a part from Shine on You Crazy Diamond but without the passion or heartfelt lyrics. Speaking about songs that rip off another with less passion, the same could be said for Take a Breath but with Led Zeppelin’s Kashmir.

The only interesting aspect of the album is that it fulfills the fantasy of wondering what a band named Crosby, Gilmour, and Nash would sound like with Dave harmonizing with the other David and Graham on the title track. Almost makes you wonder what Pink Floyd would have sounded like if the recruited Stephan Stills instead.

The main problem with this album is, whereas Pink Floyd songs you just lay back and soak in the lengthy arrangements, many of the songs for On an Island leave you looking at your watch wondering if this is still the same song. But in the end if you already have all the Pink Floyd albums, this would make a good companion, if not, you’d be better off plugging your holes in your album collection. And if you don’t own Pink Floyd albums, I suggest you start off with Wish You Were Here and Dark Side of the Moon in that order.

Song to Download - On an Island

On an Island gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

We on Award Tour - 2006 Oscar Awards

I didn’t really plan on watching the Oscars last night. I thought I’d just turn in to see John Stewart’s monologue and turn off, but I ended up keeping the television on even though I didn’t really pay attention to the whole thing. Too bad they didn't do the awards in the isles or have everyone on stage bit like last year, that was the best part. But anyways. Best line of the night, “For those keeping track at home, Martin Scorsese: no Oscars, Three 6 Mafia: one.” Here are some other thoughts from last night.

- I typically hate those lame Brokeback Mountain jokes but having Chris Rock poking out of the tent during the “And now your host…” opener with Billy Crystal had me laughing for a while. Granted after that the skit just went too long, and how could they not have Letterman being too busy babysitting Uma and Oprah or at least cardboard cutouts of them.

- You know it’s going to be a bad night when they scan the crowd at the beginning and in lieu of nominees they bust out shots of Will Smith and Jennifer Lopez instead.

- Even though both are old hat, the Dick Cheney shooting Björk joke was hilarious. Also the look George Clooney gave after Stewart made fun of him was priceless almost as good as when he brought up Batman in his acceptance speech.

- Yeah, the Were-Rabbit bow-ties were creepy.

- It’s odd during the Dolly Parton performance it was only her while the other two got weird interpretative dance including the re-enacting of the molesting scene from Crash. But Dolly wrote a song for a transsexual movie; Willie Nelson just released a song entitled Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly (Fond of Each Other), what’s next? Is Toby Keith going to duet on Don’t Go Breaking My Heart with Elton John?

- For those keeping track at home, the stars they brought in to present that will never even be nominated for an Oscar includes Ben Stiller, Luke and Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lopez, Will Ferrell, Steve Carrel, and Jessica Alba.

- The bio-flick montage was lame. I really wish they’d put a ban on those types of movies.

- The very clothed Rachel McAdams gets relegated to the technical Oscars. Ouch. Maybe had she gotten naked for Vanity Fair she would have been invited to the big show.

- The slander pieces were great especially how it made Reese Witherspoon look mortified afterwards.

- How can they reunite Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves and not mention Speed. Why even put the two together if you don’t?

- During the big “Issues” montage, why was Thelma & Louise featured. And the liberal Hollywood types still clapped like mindless drowns afterwards.

- I love how Stewart mocked the token old dude (the academy president) and he didn’t even realize it. Then token old dude for some reason rails against DVD’s saying how movies are meant to be seen on the big screen with strangers not realizing that most of us have big screens and hate how those strangers constantly talk during the movie.

- During the “Epics” montage - Grease and Back to the Future. Um, yeah, okay.

- And the most entertaining moment of the night has to go to the Three 6 Mafia performance and win leading to many Stewart jokes including “Why are they the most excited ones here tonight?” I loved how the spanned the crowd after the win and everyone was laughing. It’s like the autistic kid that’s been on ESPN recently who got in to play some garbage time and ended up hitting six three pointers in less than five minutes. But I was a little disappointed that they didn't work "Whoop that trick" into their performance, that was the best part of the movie (well I mean the trailer, I didn't see the movie). And was I hearing things or the chick say "ship" at the end of the chorus instead of another s-word? And anyone who was in third grade knows what happens when you hold your tounge when you say "ship."

- Jennifer Garner's appearance made me think of this song. (opens iTunes)

- So let me get this straight Charlize Theron is a South African-American. For a community that is so liberal I love how the avoid calling her just an African American.

- The best part of the Reese Witherspoon acceptance speech was watching Ryan Phillipee sweat while hoping he doesn’t become the next Chad Lowe while Reese rambled on without naming him.

- Crash wins. Wow that movie sucked (see my review - The Closest You Ever Came to Being Black Was Watching the Cosby Show). Horrible end to a boring awards show.