The Game Is Afoot Jeff

Back during the first episode of Survivor: One World when the one chick broke her wrist and Probst gave the guys a choice to either take the win or continue the challenge with the girls short a player and I warned the guys, do not anger the Survivor Gods by taking the cheap win and lo and behold, three month later, the most despicable of the guys had to be medically evacuated, they voluntarily gave away immunity (strike two for the Survivor Gods), and all the guys that made the merge are sitting on the jury while the women made up the final five contestants.

If there was one dude who angered the Survivor Gods more than the other dudes it was Colton Cumbie. I never thought I would hate a contestant on the show more than I hated Russell Hantz but Colton managed to slither under the very low bar. He called the first little person on the show every offensive name you could think of, the called the lone black dude ghetto trash to hi face while telling another contestant she might as well jump into the fire so she did not have to wait to be voted off. That must have been the final straw for the Survivor Gods because he could vote off Christa Cha, he had to be air listed off the show with appendicitis like symptoms. Hopefully he never gets asked back (but I unfortunately would not put my money on never seeing him again).

But as horrible as Colton was, Kat Edorsson was oppositely awesome. Quite possibly the dumbest person ever to play Survivor, everything that came out her mouth was a gem (well expect for her constant burping) like the post-appendicitis discussion. And Kat just had to go out with a bang after giving a long winded speech in her signature hoodie about how awesome blindsides are, only to be blindsided a minute later leading to the single greatest Ponderosa episode ever. Everyone should bug Jeff Probst until he lets Kat back on the show.

Poor Greg “Tarzan” Smith, on any other season the plastic surgeon would have been the breakout star of the season but had to play second fiddle to Kat. He even went with they if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em philosophy by donning Kat’s tank top and bikini bottoms on his head right before his elimination. And that was not even his most entertaining moment. That had to be either when he confronted Chelsea Meissner who he thought harbored ill will against him because she did not think her plastic surgeon did a good job with her new breasts or when he told the tribe he had an affection that kept him from learning other people’s names just moments before having to jot down someone’s name at Tribal Council. Seriously, as much as I hated Redemption Island, I would not mind if they brought it back just so we had a Kat vs. Tarzan season. Or at least do an All Star season of Morons vs. Masterminds.

With all the colorful characters this season, it was the most even keel that ended up winning. Kim Spradlin rolled over everyone all season. I thought it would have been wiser to take Alicia and Christina to the end but in the end it did not really matter because she still won in a landslide. I was a bit surprised Sabrina got all the not-Kim votes instead of Chelsea. But that was not even close to being surprising as Kat being profound during the Final Tribal Council.

Survivor: One World gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download Survivor on iTunes.

As mentioned above, with Kat and Tarzan this season it got me thinking that the next All-Star season of Survivor should be Morons vs. Masterminds. I even have suggestions of who should make up the cast:


Morons
Jamie Dugan (China)
James Clement (China)
Erik Reichenbach (Fans vs. Favorites)
Shannon “Shambo” Waters (Samoa)
Jane Bright (Nicaragua)
Philip Sheppard (Redemption Island)
Natalie Tenerelli (Redemption Island)
Brandon Hantz (South Pacific)
Kat Edorsson (One World)
Greg “Tarzan” Smith (One World)

Masterminds
Richard Hatch (Borneo)
Rob Cesternino (Amazon)
Sandra Diaz-Twine (Pearl Islands)
Cirie Fields (Panama)
Parviti Shallow (Cook Islands)
Todd Herzog (China)
Stephen Fishbach (Tocantins)
Sophie Clarke (South Pacific)
Colton Cumbie (One World)
Kim Spradlin (One World)

The Next One Is Coming Faster

Mags Bennett was such a force of nature, and one of the greatest Big Bad’s ever in the history of television, you could not help that during the Justified off season, just how are they going to replace her. Well you go out and cast one of the best bad guy actors of the past decade Neal McDonough (and them supplement him with Bubba Gump). And as great as McDonough was been in his previous baddie role, he and his creepy baby head really went all out in this role as a sadistic mob boss adopted son with a taste for rent boys and literally a firearm up his sleeve.

But the third season of Justified was much different than the sophomore outing which swelled and crested every couple episodes where the most recent was much more a slow build to that final showdown (aside from the tease when Raylan asked Quarrels “Why Wait?” only to wait another three episodes for the actual showdown). The slow burn was more like the first season, but unlike the debut season which was sprinkled with a bunch of standalone “procedural” episodes, the third really only had one of those when Karen Sisco Goodall made an appearance and those breaks were really missing this season.

Instead the entire season was a four person chess match between Raylan, Boyd Crowder, Limehouse and carpetbagger Quarrels with a bunch of moving pawns like Dicky Bennett, Errol (who I just recently learned was not in fact named Arrow), two sheriffs, Arlo, Winn Duffy and his great reaction shots. And those players spent most of season on a wild goose chase for Mags’ dirty coal money with Limehouse artfully getting all the players outside a motel with guns drawn when the real money was safely under Loretta McCready’s mattress waiting to not be spent on a Van Halen themed Sweet 16 party. (This begs the question why has no one started a Save Loretta from Tim Allen campaign yet? Is it because I am the only one actually watching Last Man Standing?)

But none of the chess players ended up dyeing last week setting up one epic showdown between the four principals this week. Except it was not so epic. The climactic scene played out like the rest of the season, great dialogue (“it’s a piggy bank!), some notable action (goodbye Quarrels’ arm), and a funny moment (Raylan kicking Quarrels’ arm away from him) but I could not help wanting more. I could not help but think we the audience was Wynona (who’s apparently still on the show) when Raylan was telling her the story at the end.

As great as the character was, the writers said they killed off Mags last season because there was nowhere else to go with her, so why is Quarrels still on this mortal coil (I am assuming he did not bleed out)? Since they have him on Wynona’s ex-husband murder, and probably countless other lesser charges, the one armed man is going to be in prison for a while along with other pawns this season Dicky, Winn (another one I am surprised survived the season after Raylan threw a bullet at him earlier this season and said, “The next one is coming faster”), and Arlo (depending on whether insanity is a defense in Kentucky). Sure having him around could expand the Theo Tonin into a major plot next season. Or maybe FX is beefing up the cast of my proposed jailhouse spinoff with Dicky and Dewey Crowe that can now add those three to the cast. Please FX, make that happen.

Justified 3.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. You can stream episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

You Can Join the A Team or You Can Disappear

Pacing is a major issue with serial television these days. I am always a fan of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer route where you set up a big bad at the beginning of the season and defeat them at the end. Without a distinct goal you wander aimlessly around an island for unknown periods of time like Lost. Then there are series like The Killing that has a goal it is reach for, but as we found out in the first season finale, we have no idea when we will actually learn the killer of Rosie Larson.

Pretty Little Liars. fell into the latter category; we knew the goal for the titular characters was to figure out who the omnipresent A was. For the first three blocks of episodes, the show set a good mystery with plenty of suspects who could have been the mad texter, but the show started to lose steam as the mystery stretched out too long. Sure there was no throw the remote at the television moments like when the mystery was left unsolved on The Killing, but it was starting to get frustrated.

Then as Pretty Little Liars returned for its fourth block and we were finally promised that by the end of the season, A would be revealed which jumped started the show again as you had to pay attention to every little detail because like I said earlier, anyone could have plausibly have been A. One moment that struck me in what could have easily have been a throw away special Halloween episode, separate from the other episodes was a look at the end that former Allison tormentees (yes, I just willed that word into existence) Mona, Jenna, and Hermie the Hermaphrodite gave each other.

So that triad went straight to the top of my list of possible A suspects (after a not so dead Allison, which was more based on my hope that is was her because it would have made for the most interesting storyline). It turned out I was thirty-three percent right on my prediction when Mona revealed herself to Spencer after a dramatic costume change. Or am I more correct than I currently know? Not only did Mona threaten Spencer that should could join the A “Team” suggesting that Mona had some help. And just in case anyone though that Mona was just referencing the awesome eighties television show (if there is The A-Team on Pretty Little Liars, is Mona the Face of the team or Hannibal?), she also hints at multiple people during her weird inner monologue in her padded room and the telling a mysterious figure she did everything she asked her to at the very end. Of course the mysterious figure just happened to be wearing a jacket similar to Vivian Darkbloom’s coat.

So now the question is who is in that red jacket and just who Mona was working with? There was the black swan that looked exactly like Melissa who was talking to my previous suspected Mona cohort Hermie the Hermaphrodite. And of course the person with the biggest vendetta against Allison, the newly sighted Jenna, who gave her own mysterious figure a package prior to the masquerade ball. Oh yeah, and we will also have a murder mystery next season when Mya showed up dead at the end of the episode. Was it the crazy lesbian swimmer? Melissa, who had a front row seat at the crime scene? Another member of the A Team? Hopefully the show learns that two season is too long before the reveal something and we get at least one answer by the end of season three which will be starting up in two short months on Tuesday, June 5 at 8:00.

Pretty Little Liars 2.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

My Hands Are Clean

It is never a good sign when the behind the scenes drama of a show is more entertaining than what happens on screen, but the feud between The Walking Dead. creator Frank Darabount and AMC got more heated than most of the zombie battles on screen when the network decided it would rather spend more money on Mad Men, a show that got three times less the viewers of The Walking Dead. But with all the turmoil, the second season of the show got off to a great start with the zombie parking lot, a better sequence than anything in the slow moving first season. And it was all downhill from there.

In the mist of the zombie parking lot, little Sophia just had to run off into the woods, not to be seen again for two month. If it were not bad enough that we had to sit and watch characters we do not care about spend all that time searching for a kid we did not care about, all the searching was for not because she was hanging out with the other zombies in the zombie barn that became the group’s camp. Of course none of the people that fed the zombies in the zombie barn bothered to think to themselves, “hey, they are looking for a little girl, maybe the little zombie girl in our zombie barn is her.” Nope, we had to wait until Shane went off his rocker, the second of four times this season, and opened the zombie barn to find her.

To think how much worse that could have been if I actually cared about Sophia, but like the rest of the cast, I just did not care. Anyone in the cast could have been eaten by a zombie and I would be fine with it. I would have been content had Hershel went on a murdering spree post-zombie barn incident or if the dude from Terriers had gotten the best of Rick in the bar. The writers even managed to ruin the two more entertain from the first season as both Daryl and Glen got too whiny as the season progressed.

The season finale started much like the season premiere, with a horde of zombies, presumable the same ones (who, they moved slower than the plots on the show if they are just now getting to the farm). And we finally got the massive zombie fight I have been waiting for since the start of the show and the show finally delivered on something and thinned the cast some more (goodbye Hershel’s family whose named I never bothered to learn, but to the son, why did you not drive off as soon as Rick and Carl were on the roof, and how about locking the door in a zombie apocalypse?), but unfortunately Lori was not one of them. And Andrea inexplicably was able to escape hundreds of zombies to be saved by some Assassin's Creed looking person with arms zombie minions. Wait, what?

But as soon as everyone was safe and sound at the Sophie camp, the show started slowing down with the characters back to being whiny except for Rick who looks to be morphing into Shane. Great. And much like the end of season, the characters are stuck in the middle of nowhere with no plans (aside from the giant prison a mile away, seriously, they could not end the season at its doorsteps?). Even with the awesome zombie battle, The Walking Dead remains the single worst television show I have watched this season (and I made it through every episode of Pan Am.). Or at least until The Killing returns in two week. AMC: telling the slowest stories on television.

The Waling Dead 2.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

It's All Working Perfectly Sutton, Just as We Planned

 
Pretty Little Liars hit television as one of the guiltiest Guilty pleasures of all time so it was not much of a surprised when ABC Family ordered up another television show based on another book series by the person who wrote Pretty Little Liars. Sure, at the time the book version of The Lying Game had not even hit selves yet but Hollywood is not known for its patience. What was surprising was in its original run, they did not pair The Lying Game with its predecessor. That was remedied when the show returned earlier this winter to finish out its first season.

That was not the only change in story for the second half of the season as Annie was replaced on the show, except instead of the old soap opera trick of announcing the new Annie would be now portrayed by Charisma Carpenter, but as it turned out she is an different character, yet shared most everything with the other Annie that we learned in the first half to the point it was clear that they could get an actress with name recognition to play the role and just shoe-horned in a new character instead of just replacing the old actress.

Ironically just as her aunt showed up Char was shipped out of town, trimming some of the fat off the show. She started off what seemed like the comedic relief, but that really did not go anywhere and the character. Also gone from the second half (and really most of the first) was Nisha which seemed for the best because Alec was a much better antagonist from the beginning.

The big mystery from the first half, who is the twins’ mother, took a backseat to two mini mysteries: who was in the proverbial backseat when Sutton took the plunge and who killed Derek. Neither turned out to be all that compelling because it was pretty easy to figure out who was the culprit: Alec by proxy and Alec respectively. That is the problem with only one bad guy on the show, everything bad that happens, you always point to him and always turn out to be right. We have seemed sparks of it so far this season, but hopefully Sutton goes full evil sometime next season, kind of like how she sounded to act before the show began, to spice things up. Or at least bring in another foil or two.

But the last ten seconds gave us a reason as to why the search for the mother went on the backburner the last couple episodes when Sutton greeted Rebecca with, “Hi mom” which already made a potential second season much more interesting than the first one. Now the question is what do they know and when did they know it. And what is their master plan? Presumably we already saw part of it go into motion when Alex was hauled out of his wedding (conveniently right after it was made official) for the murder of Derek. And the dissolving marriage of Ted and Kristen may be another piece.

Even though I just said how Alec was the obvious suspect to the Derek murder, but after the last ten seconds I am not entirely sure. Maybe Rebecca was correct when she told Emma that the photo was doctored, and am now suspicious that Rebecca was the one that murdered him. Those ten seconds put a lot of my previous assumption in doubt (except Ted is totally the father). Just prior to the finale I was talking to someone who mentioned how evil Sutton can be, but I complained that the show would be much better if Sutton went full evil and it looks like she finally did and the second season should be much better because of it. Now if only How I Met Your Mother can have a reveal of the mom as awesome as The Lying Game did.

The Lying Game 1.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Lying Game on iTunes.

You're Not the Person You Were, You Are so Much More

Knowing this was their last season, you have to wonder if the writers of Chuck were trying to cram two to three seasons’ worth of storyline into their final season. We started off with the evil CIA dude but he was randomly killed off by the chick from The Matrix. He was replaced by the chick from X-Men, but only one episode who revealed the big conspiracy was to release Superman from prison. Except he only lasted an episode but introduced us to Sarah’s former handler who also only lasted one episode. All this lead up to a final show down with… a Horatio Sanz lookalike? Seriously?



Despite a shaky lead up this season (and lets be honest, they show has been rocky for the last three seasons), it put together a pretty entertaining series finale even if I could care less about Horatio Sanz. The final two hours featured countless throwbacks from Chuck and Sarah’s first date (unfortunately they did not recreate that dance sequence, one of the greatest scenes ever in the history of television), Wienerlicious (why they ever dumped that costume is beyond me, Orange Orange was lame), Fernando getting his first lines as part of the Pervert Squad, Sarah breaking into the Intercect room was almost a shot for shot recreation of Bryce Larson breaking out of the Intercect from the series premiere (yes, I went back and rewatched the Pilot this weekend), Subway, the porn virus (of course Sarah remembered that, that plot devise was beyond obvious I knew it was the solution as soon as they uncovered the bomb), naturally the beach scene, and of course one word: Jeffster. The series finale was so well crafted for fans of the show it’s amazing how so many series screw up their finales. The only way the Chuck series finale could have been any better is if they had one final showdown with a Big Bad anyone actually cared about (it makes you wonder if they were banking on either getting the evil CIA dude or Superman for more episodes but had to scramble when they could not).



At its best Chuck mixed action, comedy and nerd culture better than anyone else. It all culminated with the finale two episodes of season two where the Bartowski clan reunited for Ellie’s wedding complete with an epic showdown with Pierce Hawthorne against Sarah, Chuck, Bryce Larson and a parachuting in Casey. And who would have guessed it would have Sam Kinison and a lesbian Indian that would save the day with a gem from the eighties?



Oh Jeffster, how have you rocked us, and now you are off to rock Germany much like David Hassellhoff before you. Aside from the epic performance of Mr. Roboto, you gave us thrilling renditions of Africa, Blaze of Glory, encouraged Ellie to Push It during her pregnancy, slowed it down for Leaving On a Jet Plane and Is This Love, and ended out the series with one last performance of Take On Me. It is a shame as the series progressed, the less they used the Buymorons especially seeing what could have been happening all along had they let Jeffster in on the spying earlier than the last two weeks because the duo coming to the rescue twice were comic gold with Jeff’s flame throwing and Lester’s high notes.



But Chuck would be nothing without his two handlers. Adam Baldwin can do more acting with grunts than most actors have in their entire repertoire. Then there was Sarah, the single hottest token hot chick ever in the history of television (with apologies to Daisy Dukes who held the title for two decades). Sarah even took the Token Hot Chick to a whole new level and would ruthlessly kick your behind if you looked at hers the wrong way. Oh, and that Weinerlicious uniform and the editors insistence of gratuitous use of slow motion. And for a guy who was a nerd that dropped out of college, living with his sister, working a dead end job, Chuck amassed the single greatest list of girlfriends ever in the history recorded film. Seriously, name a character that had a greater foursome than Rachel Bilson, Jordana Brewster, Kristin Kreuk, and Yvonne Strahovski.

Even at its worse (where it was the last couple season or whenever Morgan was on screen) Chuck still remained at the very least entertaining and always knew the right pop culture reference to put into the dialogue. And if all else failed, they could still be able to get the Token Hot Chick into the most tasteful small clothing they could find. You will be missed. Except for Morgan, they should had left him in Hawaii after the first season.

Chuck 5.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Chuck: The Complete Series gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Thank You Jesus!!!

Like most seasons of Survivor, South Pacific was dominated by one person. But for the first time, the dominate person was not even a contestant and has been dead for almost two thousand years: Jesus H. Christ. If Brandon Hantz and / Benjamin “Coach” Wade would have believe, it was Jesus who guided the ousting of everyone this season before them. And really Coach set up the template of how to vote out religious people on Survivor from here on out, tell them it is God’s will and the leaving contestant will hug you on the way out.

Let me be the last person to say that for all the praying going on this season, God does not care about how you play the game. He is not rooting for anyone because we are all God’s player. Though it may not be a coincidence that the same day Bandon got his torch snuffed that Tim Tebow got trounced on the football field. But when you are asking Jesus’ guidance for a meaningless reality show, it really boils down to either two characteristic inside you and we saw both this season. First you had the delusional Brandon Hantz who used religion to explain away his creepy behavior like how he handled his feelings for Mikayla Wingle. On the other side of the coin there was there was the narcissism of Coach who actually thought God cared more about his well being then everyone around him just because he was religious.

Showing that God really does not care who wins Survivor, neither Brandon or Coach ended up winning Survivor: South Pacific. Instead it actually for the first time in a very long time, the most deserving contestant won the title of Sole Survivor in Sophie Clarke. It was also one of the few tribal councils where I have no idea where any of the votes were going to and in a show that has become extremely predictable, it made for a very entertaining finale especially because the last three seasons where painfully bad to watch.

I actually rolled my eyes harder than Sophie whenever Brandon brought up religion when Jeff announced yet another twist for the next season. Survivor: One World where both tribes will be living on the same beach. One of the most glaring problems with Survivor for a very long time is that post merge, nobody switches tribes and John Cochran showed the very reason why no one has flipped alliances after the merge. With two tribes together, you can actually set extra-tribe alliances and should create a very large amount of blindside. Hopefully One World means the end of Redemption Island which was a massive failure for two seasons. Granted if they bring back Brandon and Russell I definitely will not be watching.

Survivor: South Pacific gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Twin Scorned

There should be a workshop that every writer for serial television shows should go to. And the 101 class has to arcing a season. The number one rule in the class is set up the mystery, ask questions throughout the season, answer them by the end of the season, and then set up some new questions for the next season. For reference, watch any of the seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Veronica Mars. For what not to do, watch the first season of Lost which spent the final three hours of the show figuring out a way to open the hatch and then nothing. Or go back and reread all the hate surrounding the recent The Killing season finale.

I bring this up for my season wrap-up of The Lying Game because I went into the finale expecting some of the big questions to be answered. Why did the Mercer’s only adopt Sutton? Why did Annie take back Emma after she was adopted? How do Ted and Alex fit into this? What is Justin hiding and does it have to do something with the twins? And what the frack is The Lying Game which was mentioned early in the season, but never actually explained? Then an hour later and not a one of those big questions were answered and in a Lostian tradition, the set up a few more questions like who was in the car with Sutton, was that really Annie at the party, and where did Alec disappear to (assuming he was not telling the truth).

I originally thought it was Annie in the car, but if that really was her at the party, the only other serious possibility was Char’s boyfriend. If it was him, that would explain where Alex was, he was getting him in the car to do more undercover work for him and really the only other character we know that was not at the party was Ethan’s brother and though he seems he may also have some shady history with Alec, I doubt it was him.

But I guess it may have been too much to ask when the show was created from the books that were also authored by another criminally bad question answerer Pretty Little Liars. And the episode breakdown and pacing for The Lying Game seemed off all season. It took them way too long to get Sutton in Emma’s shoes, which turned out to be way more entertaining than the vice versa (WAY OFF TOPIC ALERT! remember the great Judge Reinhold / Fred Savage movie, you know, back when body switching was fun; ah the good old days).

It did not help that aside from Alexandra Chando, who lit up the screen in the dual roles, the rest of the cast were utter bores. The second most interesting character was that of Alec but he was relegated to recurring status which makes me think he may be found out for his misgivings sooner than later. But then again, that would assume they answer some questions in the near future. That is not to say I will definitely stop watching, but hopefully if I do continue to watch when it returns in January, they figure a way to work in more Becky Sproles, she could replace any of Sutton’s friends and I do not think any viewers would care, or even notice.

A quick prediction for season two (besides a lack of answers): Emma continues to be Sutton while Sutton sits in a coma as Emma because she still has her ID when brought to the hospital. Unless season two is too early for an amnisia plot.

The Lying Game gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Lying Game on iTunes.

You Need Two Things to Survive: Sex and Fire, One's no Good without the Other

For almost two seasons it was clear someone was not going to make it to the series finale of Rescue Me. It has been a long time since anyone lst their life in the line of duty, Damien came the closest being relegated to a vegetative state. If someone were to go Tommy would be the obvious choice because creator Denis Leary seems like the guy who would like to watch his own funeral as a fallen hero. Lou’s health made him another prime candidate as well as Chief Finberg who had some mental health problems. Black Shawn just got married and being happy never tends to last on shows like this. But it never crossed my mind the whole crew would go out in a blaze of glory, but there was Lou eulogizing five caskets in a church. Oh, wait, that was just a dream sequence. Nevermind.

That pretty much sums up the last couple seasons of Rescue Me: big build up with little payoff. Off the top of my head I cannot think a show the utilized the “Just Kidding, it’s Just a Dream Sequence” plot more than this show. Tommy fantasizing about taking a drink accounted for about half of them. And that does not even take into account the time he was drinking and talked to all the dead people in his life (or that one season where he saw Jesus and Mary Magdalene) or the times he would take a drink, talk to the dead, and then spit the liquor out. Apparently he has finally learned to chat up the dead with drinking as shown in the final scene.

After Tommy wakes up at the beginning of the finale, we learn that Lou was the only one that did not make it out the building alive and the remaining guys were left to memorialize the fallen lieutenant. After another rocky season, the death brought the show back to its roots focusing on the guys in the firehouse ranging from heartwarming to hilarious, Rescue Me really did locker room talk better than any show ever on television. Sure the scene where Tommy delivering his kid by himself in under a minute was completely absurd. And how can Tommy reject baby names for being to gay when Shea Gavin sounds like the gayest French restaurant ever? But anyway.

As strong as the series finale was, it does not hide the fact that Rescue Me should have ended about two seasons ago when the show shifted from being about the firefighters to a show about the Tommy, Shelia, and Janet love triangle. At that point the show seemed like it was just feeding Leary’s ego where he got to simulate sex with every hot guest star that walked on the set then the tribute to the profession it started out as. Then we started getting more painfully long scenes that left you looking at the clock seeing if it was actually lasting as long as it felt. Even though it could have ended a couple years ago and everyone would have been happier for it, the final shot was a fitting ending for a show born out of 9/11 just days before its tenth year anniversary.

Rescue Me 7.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Rescue Me: The Series gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Actually I’m Attached to my Toxins, We’ve Been Through a Lot Together

For anyone hoping to one day own ever season of Spin City on DVD, you probably have Mr. Tiger Blood to thank because just months after his Adonis DNA started to creep out for everyone to see, Spin City: The Complete Fifth Season, and the first to feature Charlie Sheen, has finally hit shelves. He replaced Michael J. Fox who off screen had to bow out due to his fight with Parkinson’s and on screen left after taking blame for Mayor Randall Winston’s association with the Mafia. Unfortunately Connie Britton left the show with Fox so anyone looking to see a pre-Tami Taylor Britton will have to pick up earlier seasons of the show.

Heather Locklear did return for her second season as the mayor’s Communications Director to get co-top billing with Sheen which lead to the funniest moment of the season during the credits where they share a scene where Locklear has a look on her face that read “why did they bring in the bum, I could have led the show by myself” while Sheen’s face read, “why won’t she have sex with me, I thought it was written into my contract?” On the show, Sheen took over as Deputy Mayor who had a reputation as a womanizer with a history of substance abuse named Charlie. No, seriously, that was how his character was actually described on the show.

With two leads whose comedy was not their strong suits, thankfully Spin City brought back some characters that could actually deliver a joke correctly. Barry Bostwick is back as the absentminded mayor as was resident kiss butt Richard Kind who may have the biggest mouth in the business. But the comedic standouts continued to be the bickering roommates Alan Ruck, the inept womanizer and the gay homosexual Michael Boatman. Lana Parrilla (who plays the Evil Queen in the upcoming Once Upon a Time) was also added to the cast as the office secretary but I do not remember one storyline she was given this season or was even spotted outside the office.

Throughout the season you will be able to spot such guest appearances by Marcia Cross, Raquel Welch, Rena Sofer, Jason Priestly, Vanessa Marcil, Kelly Monaco, Scott Wolf, Alyssa Milano, Willie Garson, Samm Levine, as well as Regis Philben, Barry Melrose, Rosie O’Donnell, Roy Firestone, and the disembodied voice of Bob Costas as themselves. You can also see a pre-fame Dakota Fanning, Kal Penn, Geoff Stults, Sarah Shahi, Bonita Friedericy, Kevin Rankin, Jack McGee and Seth Myers and blink and you’ll miss them cameos from Eric Stonestreet, Beth Riesgraf and Jenna Fisher.

You can now buy Spin City: The Complete Fifth Season now with all twenty-three episodes on four DVD’s (those who hate extra content wil be glad to know there is none on the set). Check out a clip below with new castmember Charlie Sheen and pre-Alias Sarah Shahi:



Full Disclosure Notice: This DVD set was given to me by Shout Factory for review.

I’m More of a Cat Person

In recent years, ABC Family has been a go to channel for guilty pleasures. But much like the channel they took the guiltiest pleasures crown from, VH1, the channel is teeter on being guilty without any of the pleasure. Pretty Little Liars is becoming more cumbersome to watch by the episode and The Lying Game debuted as a bit of a bore (see my First Impressions).

Then there is The Nine Lives of Chloe King which would be in the pleasureless guilt category had I not created the Chloe King drinking game where you take a shot whenever the show rips off Buffy the Vampire Slayer. As much grief I gave the show for its similarities to The WB classic, one of the show’s biggest problems is that it did not steal from Buffy enough.

Yeah, the best friends, chosen one, forbidden love were all Buffy staples, but what Chloe King should have adopted from Buffy was the monster of the week format. Instead of battling a new baddie every week, we only a small handful of them so the show could focus on the less interesting love triangle between Chloe, her protector, and a human she could kill if they ever kissed. The whole death thing took any intrigue of the love triangle. And let’s face it, in the finale, Chloe clearly did not kill the dude, she just paralyzed him and I bet there will be simple sure that will have him up and walking by the end of the season premiere.

It is a shame that the first season was not as interesting as the finale twenty minutes. We also got some cool action sequences (though I do not know why Chloe did not bust out her claws, We finally got some interesting plot twists: Chloe’s mom was dining with the evil dude, grandma had been poising as Chloe’s dad all along, the leader and her daughter were killed (okay, I bet the daughter survives and would not be surprised if the mom does too), and it turns out it was done so by the hand of the British dude’s brother. But I was disappointed he did not go into James Bond villain and give a monologue of his master plan when he poisoned the leader.

Had Chloe King spread those twenty minutes across the first season instead of cramming all the good stuff at the end, maybe the show would have been more please than guilt.

The Nine Lives of Chloe King gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. You can stream episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Nine Lives of Chloe King on iTunes.

This Is the Most Rocking Game of Charades Ever

Aw, summer television. When else can a show entitled Switched at Birth become a viable option to watch? The title alone makes it sounds like it would be better suited to be a Lifetime movie than an actual series. But considering that I am deaf and was switched at birth (okay, only one of those is remotely true) I felt obligated to tune in. Plus I wanted to see how, or even if, they would explain how someone did not realize that their kid was of a different ethnicity (granted I am still waiting Big Love to explain how the original Hendrickson’s managed to have three kids with three different hair colors).

As it turns out, at least one of the parents actually realize that the blonde kid may not actually be his which means the others are pretty much idiots. Not that I expect someone who tried to hook up with her son and JD McCoy’s father to be a MENSA members but just because a distant relative was Italian does not explain a half Italian half Hispanic daughter when you are both very WASPy.

Bad parenting aside, Switched at Birth managed not to so bad its good, or really even just plain bad at times. Sure there were some overtly primetime soap clichés like gambling additions, the warring mothers, the boy from the wrong side of the tracks, and the most egregious soap cliché which went into high gear in the finale and will no doubt carry into the next season: the love triangle between the girls that were switched at birth. But the show managed to find a heart that other new shows this summer never found (see yesterday’s Falling Skies season review). Katie Leclerc (who’s first acting gig was ironically on the episode of Veronica Mars where Mac learned she was switched at birth with Madison Sinclair) was a great find as the deaf Daphne and it is hard not to root for her on the show. While Vanessa Marano is, well, entertaining in a mini-Eliza Dushku kind of way. Hopefully ABC Family is smart enough to hold off new episodes until next summer because much like last year’s Pretty Little Liars, the show probably is not good enough to catch when it is up against real competition.

Switched at Birth 1.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.