Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Musings from the Back 9: 90’s Disposable Pop Edition

Back in 1999 there were no two bigger acts than Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys. They had the top two selling albums that year along with two of the top five biggest singles. Britney was eventually showed up by Christina Aguilera who could actually sing while the Backstreet Boys were forgotten during the crappy pseudo-punk era of this decade. While most of the rest of their ilk have moved on to movies, Broadway, reality shows, or just obscurity, both Britney and the Boys are still trying to hang on to those late nineties hey-day by dropping albums today.

Blackout - Britney Spears

On a remix of Jadakiss’ Why, Common pondered, “Why they hype Britney up, they know she cant sing?” The simple answer was she could sell albums. Back when she was the number one pop princess she got the best songwriters, producers, and chorographer and elaborate stage shows. But all those people a currently working with the likes of Rihanna and the Pussycat Dolls. So instead of working with someone like Timbaland, Britney had to settle for a Timbaland lackey Nate Hills to help write and produce half of the songs on Blackout which come out sounding just a step above the Paris Hilton album. What’s worse if he starts speaking over Gimme More talking about how amazing Britney is. Who does he think he is, Puff Daddy? At least Diddy had a few actually hit under his belt before he pulled that stuff.

Without Max Martin or Diane Warren around, the lyrics are even worse than stale beats. E-Mail My Heart seems Dylanesque compared to some of the songs on Blackout. Piece of Me is Britney’s backlash at the press and paparazzi which would have been a little more meaningful had she actually had a hand in writing it. Hot as Ice, co-written by T-Pain, is just one cheesy metaphor after another. And yes she also mentions in the song that she is also “Cold as fire.” Then Get Naked (I Got a Plan) and Freakshow, where Britney inexplicably raps, will most likely be Exhibit U and V in Kevin Federline’s plan to get full custody.

The songs basically are just one bad techno track bleeding into each other which may work at a rave while on mind altering drugs, but for those of you that are sober, the album is as bad as you could expect. But at least Britney can in solace that it is better than her ex-husband’s. But not by much. Here is usually where I suggest a song to download but you are better off saving your money. Unless of course you are one of those annoying semi-ironic people, then go ahead and get the “It’s Britney (expletive deleted)” ringtone so you can be the biggest tool on your block.

Blackout gets a Terror Alert Level: Low [GREEN] on my Terror Alert Scale.

Be sure to check back tomorrow to see if the Backstreet Boys were able to grow old better than Britney. Scooter Update: Check out Part 2.


  1. Scooter, you make me smile.

  2. It is nice to know you got more enjoyment out of reading this than I got out of listening to the album.