One might think that after the amount of time I’ve spend on this blog decrying American Karaoke and its karaokers that I would avoid any cheap rip-off. And up until this point I have done my best to avoid any but that has changed with VH1’s next foray into embarrassing C-list celebrities, But Can They Sing? And really they only way I’m watching that show is if the answer is no. Looking at the contestant list, that’s a very good chance. And here are the “celebrities” that you probably haven’t heard of or you haven’t heard from them since the 80’s:
Kim Alexis – Apparently before my time but supposedly was a supermodel. She’s also married to NHL star Ron Duguay. Yeah, I don’t know who he is either.
Myrka Dellanos – She was Star of the Year for People En Espanol in 2004 but since I no hablo esoanol, I haven’t a clue who she is but I have a feeling she will be singing a lot of Shakira.
Antonio Sabato Jr. – Underwear model extraordinaire from the 90’s has been reduced to an even lower form of celebrity in recent years – soap star. But he’s the most entertain part of the commercial for the show when he says, “Can I sing? To be honest… no.”
Morgan Fairchild – People today will most likely recognize her as Chandler’s mom, but old people tell me she was really famous back in the day. Best part of her bio – “is a ballet fan and interested in anthropology and paleontology.”
Carmine Gotti Agnello – People rip Paris Hilton for being famous for doing nothing but how about being famous because your grandfather had a bunch of people killed. Plus I think Carmine spends more time grooming himself than Paris.
Bai Ling – She has basically appeared in a bunch of movies that I have never seen including Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and Taxi 3 (I guess I missed Taxi 2 also).
Michael Copen – I thought VH1 was scraping the bottom of the celebrity barrel with Caprice but Copen’s claim to fame was as the blue Power Ranger. Everyone knows that the pink one was the star.
Joe Pantoliano – Seriously, Joey Pant. One can hope either him or Gotti misses a show only to found in the Hudson with cement shoes.
Larry Holmes – And here is why I will be watching the show. And I’m sure it will be much more entertain that Evander Holyfield on Dancing with the Stars.
And all of this will be hosted by Ahmet Zappa. I don’t think this can go wrong. If you can’t wait for Sunday at 10:00, check out Vh1’s V-Cast where you can catch a sneak preview of Gotti butchering an already bad Ride wit’ Me or Bai Ling channeling Madonna with a thick Chinese accent for Like a Virgin. I believe the winner will receive a cash prize for their favorite charity, and in the case of Gotti, that might just be the Carmine Gotti Agnello Fund.Who I Will Vote For: Larry Holmes
Who I Think Will Win: Antonio Sabato Jr. (don’t underestimate the housewife voting block, ask the dude from Seinfeld).
I'm very sick of all these shows where "regular" people try to become singers, and I've only heard of maybe two of those contestents. I will definitely not be watching this show. I think the definition of celebrity is that people actually know who you are. VH1 seems to have forgotten that.
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