We on Award Tour - 2006 Grammy Awards

There is nothing more disturbing than seeing that American Karaoke actually had more viewers. Seriously, people would rather watch amateurs who, if they had any talent at all wouldn’t need a reality show to get a record contract, than see U2 perform? Even the former best karaoker in the land, Kelly Clarkson, performed the first hour. Yeah, America has gone to hell in a hand basket in the past decade, but this has to be one of the saddest indicators yet. But anyways. Here’s my review of the best awards show in recent years, the Grammy's:

- The show starts up with the much hyped duet between Gorillaz and Madonna. Apparently duets these days mean the band plays a song, Madonna shows up at the end, and then quickly goes into her own song sans the cartoons. What a rip off. Plus I really didn’t care to see a 3-D version of the Gorillaz. And weren’t they missing a member? Isn't there an Asian chick in the band? And as much as I railed on the tools that watched American Karaoke, I can understand why anyone would switch the channel after see Madonna in a leotard. Luckily I taped it so I could fast forward.

- Alicia Keys, who won my hottest chick of the night award, came out with Stevie Wonder to give a way too long introduction, but they started to sing Stevie’s song was cool.

- Nicole Kidman was shown in the crowd next to Keith Urban. Interesting post-break up Nicole ends up dating another midget and Tom dates another giant.

- What was with Chris Martin from Coldplay throwing up the Spock hands during Talk?

- The Grammy’s love to do weird back to back performances and tonights was John Legend leading into Sugarland. Legend did a nice jazzier version of Ordinary People with a full band unlike the record where it’s just him and the piano. I was about to fast forward past Sugarland until I heard someone back stage talking through the speakers. Possibly the funniest part of the night. I wonder how fast that guy got fired.

- Seriously, people would rather watch American Karaoke than U2? Someone really needs to explain this to me. Way too much smoke during Vertigo though. It was funny when Mary J. Blige tried to hold Bono’s hand while he was trying to play guitar. The ending with “Coexist” on the screen was great with the Crescent Moon replacing the “C,” Star of David replacing the “X,” and the cross replacing the “T.”

- Worst dressed of the night had to go to Kanye West with the white gloves, shirt open to the navel and the Kool Moe Dee glasses.

- Wait, maybe that should go to Ben Rothertdjmtykjytberger with his jacket of Bettis’ Notre Dame jersey and a hat backwards. Why did they even let him the building looking like that?

- Was that the little girl from the video playing piano during Kelly Clarkson’s performance? It was great after the song and the camera scanned the crowd and she receive a one person standing ovation from the dude from Maroon 5.

- For years, presenters have pulled the “this next performer needs no introduction,” then proceeds to introduce them anyways. Finally Ellen actually says the line and brilliantly walks off stage. And of course Paul McCartney needs no introduction. Plus he even dusts off Helter Skelter during his performance.

- Wow, this must have been the most clothes I’ve seen on Mariah Carey since the pre-Honey days. But what was with the dude talking from the audience?

- They brought out some dude named Michael Bublé who promptly mispronounces “Extraordinary.” Way to waste you only time on primetime TV Michael.

- Kelly Clarkson beats Paul McCartney for best pop album. Using the good old Transitive Property from high school, does this mean Kelly Clarkson is bigger than Jesus?

- More country music up next. Where in the past while watching live, this made for a good bathroom break, but thanks to taping it, I could just fast forward.

- Okay, the next segment was a little hazy, and not sure if this really happened, it was so surreal, but here is the best recollection of what I think I saw. And even though I watched this a couple times to make sure, I can not validate that any of this actually First Dave Chappelle comes out to introduce a tribute possible the only person that makes him look sane these days, Sly and the Family Stone. It’s starts off harmless enough with John Legend, Joss Stone and some dude named Van Hunt who were backed by members of the Family Stone (no Rachel McAdams though), Niles Rodgers of Chic and… Randy Jackson? Then came a duet between Fantasia (how did she win a singing contest) and Devin Lima who I swear was the dude in LFO that didn’t nail Jennifer Love Hewitt (remember Summergirls? Oh never mind). This is the point where I think I was getting a contact high from the TV because Sly’s stash is that potent. Next up was Ciara singing with Maroon 5. Um, okay. Then out comes Will.I.Am doing a rap followed the introduction of Steven Tyler and Joe Perry who really don’t do anything. Then out of nowhere Tyler says, “Sly, let’s show them how we do it back in the day.” Then inexplicatively Sly himself, who is making only his second public appearance in my lifetime, come out with a five foot blonde Mohawk. Please read that last second one more time. Sly then plays a couple notes on his keyboard sings “dance to the music” about five times and just leave before the song ends. I doubt there is a better anti-drug campaign better than this segment.

- Next up is yet another Jay-Z/Linkin Park mash-up. This was really cool at first but now it’s just getting tired. Well that was until Paul McCartney came out to sing Yesterday. And if there was anything that came close to Sly’s oddness it would be Jay-Z telling Sir Paul to “Take ‘em up top.” I think I may still have been high. Oh and Jay-Z just happened to be wear a John Lennon shirt. Too bad Jay-Z didn't come out during Helter Skelter and did a couple bars of 99 Problems like from the mashed-up The Grey Album. Yesterday not the best song here.

- Interesting after announcing that Sometimes You Can’t Make it on Your Own won Song of the Year they played We Belong Together instead.

- He may have been the worst dressed, but Kanye wins performance of the year with his college battle between KW State and JFU at the Grammy Halftime Show. This should have been the Superbowl halftime show because it was much more entertaining. But I really hope this is the last time we see Jamie Foxx milks Ray Charles memory. Sadly I doubt that will ever happen. It was nice to see the resurrection of Broke Phi Broke too. And how to cap such a great performance, apparently the Gammy’s though a gratuitous shot of James Taylor would do it. Yeah.

- Green Day wins Record of the Year. Yawn. They were so last year.

- How did Christina Aguilera go from the hottest chick on the planet to the trashiest to now looking like drag queen? This is a crime against humanity.

- Even Kanye couldn’t get too made at U2 winning Album of the Year for the second time, the other being The Joshua Tree. Which begs the question, what did Achtung Baby lose to? (Update: Achtung Baby lost to Eric Clapton's Unplugged in 1993. Also up for the award that year - the Beauty and the Beast Soundtrack. I wish I made that last part up. Annie Lennox's Diva and KD Lang's Ingénue rounded out the catergory.)

- For some reason they saved the obligatory old white dude speech for the end. But at least he didn’t whine about music downloads like Michael Green always did.

- I know people won’t like this comment, but I think everyone stopped reading along time ago especially after the Jesus mention, but I’ll say it anyways, Hurricane Katrina was the best thing to happen to Dr. John. Without it he’d be currently hanging around obscurity but with everyone’s guilt, they feel obligated to drag him out to every major event since then.

- The show ends with a great Wilson Pickett tribute, even if Sam Cooke messed up the second verse.