Thursday, May 08, 2014

Previewing Penny Dreadful



The cast of Penny Dreadful

We are in the golden age of horror on television. Okay, honestly we are in the only age of horror on television. When there was only three networks, the genre was too niche for precious airtime. Even as cable channels popped up the genre was too violent for basic cable and beneath premium channels that could get away with it. But the 00’s were all about pushing the boundaries, sure you still cannot say the seven words that George Carlin warned you about (well, it may be down to five four decades later), or show certain body parts on network television, but everything else has become fair game.

Then the 10’s have become the nitchification of television, it was not about how many people watch, but how many passionate people watched. So we went from no horror shows on television to an overabundance. There are psychopathic serial killers like Hannibal, comic book gross out horror like The Walking Dead, and campy horror like American Horror Story. These shows can all be traced back to Dexter and with that show having its swan song last year, Showtime is ready to get back into the horror game it started with Penny Dreadful.

Penny Dreadful start two former next big things that never quite ever made it to that next level. Josh Hartnett was a heartthrob in waiting thanks to roles in The Faculty and The Virgin Suicides but starring roles in two high profiles duds in Pearl Harbor and 40 Days and 40 Nights has put him in relative obscurity ever since. Eva Green has also been teetering on the edge for a while but has not quite gotten over that hump after being cast as a Bond Girl. Ironically the cast is filled out with the guy on the bottom of everybody’s James Bond Power Rankings: Timothy Dalton.

Much like HBO’s signature serial killer show True Detective, Penny Dreadful takes place in the 90’s. Well, actually the latter takes place in the 1890’s Victorian England. And much like Grimm, there are two worlds, one were most people live normal lives unaware of the second world with literary monsters lurking in the shadows. But instead of fairytales come to life, the world of Penny Dreadful id filled with old horror stalwarts like vampires, Frankenstein’s monster, and Dorian Grey.

Dalton is drawn into this world when his daughter is kidnapped by an unknown monster and has sworn to get her back at any cost. At some point he recruits Green, a mysterious woman who seems to know more than she lets on and is haunted by her own demons which usually show up in the form of spiders (she because even more haunting in the second episode). The show starts up when they recruit Hartnett, a brash American showman who knows his way around a gun. I am also guessing it is not a coincidence that Jack the Ripper is striking terror in the hearts of Englishmen again just as he arrives.

When Showtime debuted Dexter, it was one of a kind, a serial killer with a heart of almost gold. A decade later, Penny Dreadful needs to find a niche. It has the literary monsters like Grimm but it seems like it is going with The Walking Dead type gore mixed with Hannibal’s quality writing. Of course unlike other shows of its ilk that are still confined by a standards and practices department, it can “go there” without any constraint. I am not sure anyone wanted to see Frankenstein’s Monster in all his glory, but Showtime allows them that ability. Though it is hard to out-gross The Walking Dead who creates a new way to kill a zombie almost week, there is a scene in each episode of Penny Dreadful that will rival those scenes.

Penny Dreadful airs Sundays at 10:00 on Showtime. Even if you do not have Showtime, check your cable provider because the premium channel is having a free preview weekend starting Friday where you can watch the season premiere of Penny Dreadful as well as the latest episodes of Nurse Jackie and Californication, the television premiere of Scary Movie 5, access to Showtime on Demand where you will have access to past episodes of multiple Showtime original shows and documentaries. But if you are not one of the 74 million households that will get the free preview (sorry Time Warner subscribers, it looks like once again, no Showtime free preview for you) you can watch an edited version of the premiere on Youtube.

Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Feed Your iPod vol. LXXXIV: Break Your Heart



This week is sort of a Lilith Fair revival week as both creator Sarah McLachlan and tour mainstay Natalie Merchant released new album. I saw them both when the fest came to town along with Dixie Chicks and Deborah Cox. It was a weird scene for a dude to be even if I was being paid to be there. But anyway. Neither of the new albums is worth talking about. I was not a big fan of Merchant’s group 10,000 Maniacs or her first solo album. But I came around for her second album Ophelia (which of course was not as big as her first). My favorite from the set was Break Your Heart which featured backing vocals from N’Dea Davenport of The Brand New Heavies. In a time when I was heavily into agro music, Break Your Heart was a get way to mellow out at night as a way to calm down in the evening with a sweet trumpet part which was rare in pop music until recently with hits by Macklamore adn Ryan Lewis and Jason Derulo. Even more recently Ariana Grande has been sitting on top the iTunes chart with a horns heavy track even though I pretty much have the same reaction to the song as Blake Shelton and Luke Bryan. Granted those are all dance tracks, I take Merchant’s more subtle take on the instrument.

Break Your Heart - Natalie Merchant


Tuesday, May 06, 2014

And if You Can’t Detect the Sarcasm You’re Misunderstood



Sheezus - Lily Allen

When Beyoncé dropped her album late in December, I was hoping she would chance the promotional game. Promotional cycles have started so early, by the time an album is released; most people have already moved only the next big new thing. But realistically only about five artists these days could airdrop their album out of nowhere and be as successful as Beyoncé. Unfortunately Lily Allen is not one of them. Depressingly her biggest hit stateside is being sampled by T-Pain. None of her solo music has even cracked the top forty in America.

So her rollout has been a more traditional as she has released a new song every month since November. That is six of the fourteen songs that appear on Sheezus. And with only one song being released at a time it is easy to pick the songs apart. When she released Hard Out Here I was just so happy to have Lily Allen back in my life that I initially ignored its shortcomings. But after a couple weeks, I realized that the song just was not as good as the tongue and cheek music video. The auto-tune was annoying, the lyrics about the double standards have done much better and the bridge trying to reclaim the derogatory word for women by just repeating it again and again for the bridge just did not work.

The follow up Air Balloon worked better as it was a true return to form for Allen. It was a bouncy track was reminiscent of her first album but much more fun than snarky and was good despite a weird lyric about Kurt Cobain and Elvis. Then came L8 CMMR which was originally on the Girls Soundtrack. At the time it was released I was just hoping it was just something she gave to the television show because it was not good enough for the album but unfortunately popped up on the track list to Sheezus too when it was released.

Our Time continued the trend of one good, one lackluster song. It is a more chill song than she has ever done, a just kick back and relax type of song. Then we got to hear the title track and to call it lackluster would be nice. Sure the M.I.A. type track sounded cool, but the lyrics about having a period was just embarrassing while the chorus was clunky where it is unclear if she is praising the likes of Rihanna and Lorde or burying Katy Perry and Lady Gaga (which she rhymes with LOLO ha ha). Maybe worst of all, Yeezus himself Kanye West gets nary a mention on the track.

The rest of Sheezus follows the trend of switching between good and uninspiring. You can really split the songs into the two camps with the songs where she tries to be her old snarky self not living up to her previous work while the more “grown up” tracks are much better. On former side there are songs like URL Badman (which is a worse title than L8 CMMR) and its pseudo dubstep breakdown that just do not work. While on the flip side a song like Take My Place and Close Your Eyes (which may be the most awkward slow jam ever… and I mean that in a good way) are dreamy throwbacks to mellower seventies. Insincerely Yours actually splits the difference with more boring snarky comments with a backing track that would not have been out of place on Solid Gold. Then As Long as I Got You is a more uplifting version of Not Fair but this time she co-opts zydeco music instead of country.

Lily Allen stormed the public consciousness on a wave of retro music that still managed to sound modern, which was copied by Amy Winehouse and Adele, and lyrics dipped in a heavy dose of, which was copied by every female rapper since. Three albums in and that stark it getting a little stale. Yet the highlights of Sheezus show Allen at her most mature or most vulnerable like on the very sweet cover of Somewhere Only We Know. Hopefully on future albums, Lily does not force the snark because that was her claim to fame in her early years because her growth on this album can sustain a full album down the line.

Song to Download – Our Time

Sheezus gets a Terror Alert Level: Elevated [YELLOW] on my Terror Alert Scale.


Monday, May 05, 2014

I Want My Music Television: 5/5/14



There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Fever – The Black Keys


Praise The Black Keys. They even got me to watch the video again just to read the names and donations. And for those that want to know what is on the other side of the phone number but do not want to call, it is online too.


Already Home - A Great Big World


When I first saw the split screen I thought this was going to be a cheap Closing Time rip off, but actually turned out to be really touching. As for the song, I think it is safe to say it will not lift A Great Big World out of one hit wonderdom. But at least we learn the other dude is also a singer, I was thinking he was a Ryan Lewis type guy who just stands around. But even singing, it is still a little weird. They should really give him an instrument to make his less weird even if it is just a tambourine.


Last Love Song - ZZ Ward


ZZ Ward got her start when her song Til the Casket Dropped was used in a promotional campaign for Pretty Little Liars and it looks like she is becoming the in house musician for the show because her new single got tapped to promote the summer premiere. Unfortunately the music video is dedicated to the horrible Ezra and Aria storyline. Since they dedicated a who music video to the affair I am fearing that the bullet wound to Erza was not fatel.


I Shot the Sheriff – N.A.S.A. featuring Karen O


Does the world need a disco version of I Shot the Sheriff? Probably not. But thanks anyway N.A.S.A..

Sunday, May 04, 2014

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 5/4/14



Orphan Black: I would not have a problem if an episode this season features only Allison’s community theater play.
You can download Orphan Black on iTunes.

Once Upon a Time: Well that was a plot twist I did not see coming, Snow White enacting the curse, not the Wicked Witch. Granted Snow and Charming sharing half a heart was a very cheap way to keep him alive. I wonder if that is how they are able to resurrect Bae. And I have to wonder if Sleeping Beauty was one of the flying monkeys that got zapped, once everyone got their memories back, no one seemed to care if that was a possibility.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Resurrection: As Tom cried over Rachael, I jokingly wanted to say to the screen, dude, she can always get resurrected again. Granted I did not think they would do it ten minutes later. If she came back so quickly, where did Caleb go? I am guessing since he is a bad person, he had to go somewhere else. And it finally took a grand exodus of the dead for the Langston family to realize their mother / wife may be back. I knew she was back when we first met her lover. After a meandering first season, hopefully with the influx of dead, things pick up next week.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Resurrection on iTunes.

Mad Men: There is nothing more depressing than the first Betty Draper sighting of the season reminding everyone she is for some reason still part of the cast even though Betty just sticks out like a sore thumb. Okay, Don’s panic attack while going back the first time in about a year was slightly more depressing. But we did learn what exactly was Don’s status, half the partners thought he was just on permanent leave, half thought he was fired but stayed on the payroll because it would cost too much to buy him out. So Don is back in, but it sounds like he will be stuck in Lane’s old office, probably the first person since he died there, and has to report to Lew. Yeah, I put the over/under before Lew quits at four episodes.
You can download Mad Men on iTunes.

Crisis: So the FBI teamed up with the kidnappers finally. I have a feeling it will go even further next week when the FBI agent asks the kidnappers help save her sister.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Crisis on iTunes.

The Blacklist: Holy Allen Alda sighting! I forgot he was even part of this show because I do not believe we have seen him yet this year. We did get to see more of his cabal and I get the sense he is part of some illuminati type group. They also brought back Red killing Lizzie’s dad except we still have no clue why so we are left to still assume he is her real dad. Apparently we will start getting some answers this week as it is the finale episode (dramatic pause) before the finale. Seriously promo monkeys, stop doing that, if you must, just tell me how many episodes are left this season, do not give me a number and have to add one for the finale.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Blacklist on iTunes.

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: So Phil was actually behind TAHITI. Huh. So the memory wipe was hopefully to stem the side effects. So what side effects will Skye get? Or will she not get any because she did not die first. Or maybe because she is an object of unknown origin. But the show seems to be back to spinning its wheels after ramping up to the Captain America movie. With only two episodes left in the season, it should be ramping up for the finale, but it feels as if we have already reached the climax of the season.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. on iTunes.

Survivor: Cagayan: I never understand why anyone actually buys food at the action knowing there would be some sort of advantage offered at some point. I do believe this was the first time three contestants saved their money. Of course Probst made up some rule on the fly and of course Tony got the black rock and of course he was able to find the Idol. Yawn. And next week looks worse when they may target Tony who we know has no chance of going home because he can play the stupid special powers Idol after the votes were read.
You can stream recent episodes on cbs.com. You can also download Survivor: Cagayan on iTunes.

The Americans: So Henry tried breaking and entering last week and Paige tried her hand at forgery this week. Is this show just an allegory of how teenagers are like international spies? But anyway. I had to look up Annelise to see if we have actually met her yet or if her dealings with Philip was before the show started. Apparently she was in the episode where the Commies bugged the Secretary of Defense.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

Nashville:
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

The Challenge: Free Agents: I had to laugh when Johnny Bananas was being so appalled that Jordan would shout down a woman when ten minute earlier we saw Bananas gleefully talking about bowling over Cara Maria.
You can download The Challenge: Free Agents on iTunes.

Hannibal: Sure I said the same thing with Beverly, but I have a sinking suspicion that Freddie is still alive. And not only is she alive, Will actually saved her from certain death. I do not think it is a coincidence that Hannibal was sitting patiently in his clear suit after Alana told the duo that Freddie thought they were working in tandem as the Chesapeake Ripper (people who think this tend not to walk around free for very long aside from Sully who hightailed it out of town). So Will either has her secured in his basement or told her to lay low until he outs Hannibal and is content to let Hannibal think he killed Freddie.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Hannibal on iTunes.

Saturday, May 03, 2014

Best of the Week: 5/3/14




Quote of the Week: You have stiff competition but I believe you to be the most dishonest person I have worked with. (Jim Cutler, Mad Men)

Song of the Week: It Must Be Done – Pete Townshend and Nathan Barr (The Americans)

Scene of the Week:


Big News of the Week: Donald Sterling Straight up Racist that Sucker Is, Simple and Plain: It is a not very well kept secret that Donald Sterling is a horrible person and probably a racist. The guy has been in and out of the courtroom for years with whispers of horrible treatment of his Clippers team, which should thrive in the second biggest city in the country but has been in the playoffs less times in his tenure than fingers in my left hand.

So it did not come as a shock when a tape allegedly of the owner popped up on the internet when he chided his girlfriend for posting pictures of Magic Johnson on her Instragram page. Sure she could have slept with him, according to Sterling, just not broadcast it on the internet or bring black people to his games (even though he employs a majority of them on his team).

Of course outrage followed even though all the sportswriter and players probably already knew Sterling thought things like this. But then something surprising did happen, Sterling got banned from the NBA for life and will likely be forced to sell his team; so much for Tony Kornheiser calling commissioner soft on Pardon the Interruption every week.

Sure what Sterling said was horrible, but a lifetime ban seemed a little harsh. I would have preferred to let the market play out, let the sponsors drop the Clippers, let season ticket holders not renew their tickets, have free agents refuse to go there until the team was so devalued Sterling would be forced to sell that way. Now he gets to sell to a buyers’ market instead of trying to unload a devalued team. So Roger Sterling will likely profit handsomely from his racism (he bought the team in the millions and will likely sell it in the billions). But the morel of the story kiddies and old people alike: nothing is private anymore and you may want to act like someone is recording you because likely someone is.

Preview Picture of the Week:

“Right Place, Right Time” Melissa and Joey, Wednesday at 8:00 on ABC Family

Free Download of the Week: World Café – Noisetrade EP – Kaiser Chief (Noisetrade)

New Album Release of the Week: Sheezus - Lily Allen

New DVD Release of the Week: The Veronica Mars Movie

Video of the Week: We Came Together may have the best logline ever for a movie poster: “Ed Helms will star opposite of Paul Rudd and Amy Poehler! – Deadline.com” but I have to wonder if the rom-com parody can actually last an entire movie. I got sort of tired of it just watching the trailer.


Next Week Pick of the Week: NFL Draft, Thursday-Saturday on ESPN: When your team only has one playoff appearance in fifteen seasons the NFL Draft becomes your Super Bowl. Now the Browns are on their countless new regime since returning to the league and will likely draft a quarterback with one of their two first round pick (or maybe use them both to move up in the draft) to extend their lead of most starting quarterback in the last decade and a half (currently twenty, two more than the Dolphins; seventeen more than the Patriots). Only Tim Couch started all sixteen games in one season. So sorry to Johnny Football, Teddy Bridgewater, or whatever sap that the Browns end up taking. But when you battling with Brian Hoyer, Vince Young, and Tyler Thigpen, for the starting job, it should not be hard to become starter twenty-one.

Friday, May 02, 2014

Around the Tubes: 5/2/14



I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Penny Dreadful, The Hotwives of Orlando, Eric and Jessie: Game On, Home and Family, The Strain, Michael W. Smith, Masters of Sex, and a slew of Syfy news including, yes, a Sharknado 3.

- Showtime is offering viewers nationwide a chance to sample its highly-anticipated new drama Penny Dreadful across multiple platforms in advance of its series premiere in two weeks. The series premiere can be accessed now across multiple platforms including YouTube, on the Showtime website, via a number of television providers' free On Demand channels and websites, and on Showtime on Demand®. The premiere episode is also available for free via Showtime AnytimeE on any computer, iPhone®, iPad®, Android™ phones and tablets, Kindle Fire™, Roku and Amazon Fire TV streaming players anywhere in the U.S., on Hulu, and on the Showtime Preview app on Smart TVs from Samsung, LG, Vizio, Panasonic and Sony. Additionally, as a special treat for its subscribers, Showtime will debut the series’ second episode on Showtime Anytime immediately following the series premiere on Sunday, May 11th at 10:00.

- The Hotwives of Orlando, a Hulu Original Series, will premiere on Tuesday, July 15. From Paramount Digital Entertainment, Hotwives is produced by Emmy© award-winning producer Jonathan Stern and Emmy© nominated producer Paul Scheer. Paramount Digital Entertainment is the studio behind the outrageous Emmy© nominated comedy "Burning Love." All episodes will be available on Hulu Plus on July 15; the first two episodes will be available on Hulu.com, with a new episode releasing each week after that. Season one is a laugh-out-loud parody of the phenomenon that is reality housewives shows. With an all-star cast that includes the Hotwives Casey Wilson as The Trophy Wife ("Happy Endings"), Angela Kinsey as The Religious Zealot ("The Office"), Kristen Schaal as The Drug Addled Former Child Star ("Flight of the Conchords"), Tymberlee Hill as The Entrepreneur ("Drunk History"), Danielle Schneider as The Bankrupt Overspender ("Upright Citizens Brigade") and Andrea Savage as The Cougar ("Step Brothers"), and Paul Scheer (“The League”) who plays the Enthusiastic TV producer Matty Green.

- The Season Finale of Eric & Jessie: Game On is here! With two weeks left to go in the pregnancy, Eric and Jessie start prepping for their move to NY and the baby surprises them with an early arrival. Watch as Vivian Rose Decker makes her debut this Sunday at 10/9c on E!.


- Hallmark Channel is proud to announce its original Daytime Emmy®-nominated show, Home & Family, has earned a third season renewal. The fun and informative two-hour lifestyle program, currently in its second season on the network, is co-hosted by Emmy® Award nominee Mark Steines and TV personality and bestselling culinary author and expert Cristina Ferrare. From its start in 2012, the show has been the ultimate destination for helping viewers live their best lives, showing audiences helpful “how-to” segments on everything from cooking tasty recipes to crafting the perfect DIY décor, finding the best bargains, discovering the newest at-home gadgets and learning weight-loss tips, all while incorporating top entertainment in the form of celebrity guest interviews and musical performances. Home & Family airs weekdays at 10am ET/PT, 9C.

- His army will rise this summer. The Strain. Only on FX.


- Charity Buzz, which offers one of a kind experiences with celebrities and other people of interest to benefit various charities, is offering a chance for one fan and a guest to be the winning bidder for a VIP Trip to Puerto Rico to meet Michael W. Smith and Natasha Owens; a genre innovator and a rising star on the Christian Pop landscape who are together once more for a string of dates which culminate in this special event to benefit the charity Stepping Stone Support, an organization helping men & women affected by cancer and infertility. The bidding is open now for this one of a kind VIP meet & greet with Grammy award winner Michael W. Smith & Christian Pop newcomer Natasha Owens at their May 24, 2014 Concert in Puerto Rico - bid here: charitybuzz.com

- Emmy-winning comedian and actress Sarah Silverman is joining the cast of season two of the acclaimed Showtime drama series Masters of Sex. Silverman will recur in the guest starring role of Helen. Production on season two is currently underway in Los Angeles, and will premiere on Sunday, July 13th at 10:00 on Showtime.

- Syfy released a slew of news this week, here are the highlights:

They announced that it will develop as longform programming Pax Romana, Jonathan Hickman’s graphic novel about a time traveling clash of ages and arms, and Ronin, based on Frank Miller’s (300) comic book series, about an avenging samurai.

Pax Romana is about a Special Forces team that travels back in time on the eve of World War III to “fix” the future by altering the past. Their destination: Ancient Rome. Roman legions battle modern day attack helicopters, tanks and soldiers, while thought-provoking themes are explored as the leaders of the expedition fight over their vision for civilization. Writers: Matthew Federman & Stephen Scaia (Jericho, Warehouse 13, Human Target). Co-executive producer: Jonathan Hickman. Executive producers: David Alpert of Circle of Confusion (The Walking Dead), Federman and Scaia. A production of Universal Cable Productions.

In Ronin, published by DC Entertainment, eight centuries after a Japanese Ronin samurai failed to protect his master from a demon, he awakens in a futuristic, nihilistic New York in the body of Billy, a medical experiment. Now Billy/Ronin is chasing the demon, which has reawakened. Both parties want control of a sword with magical properties and will stop at nothing to get it back. Studio: Warner Horizon.
Building on the momentum of Syfy’s growing slate of cutting edge, provocative original programming, Syfy this week announced it was developing adaptations of the graphic novels Clone, from Robert Kirkman and David Alpert (The Walking Dead) and Letter 44, from Jonathan Mostow (Terminator 3), as well as the popular novels The Magicians, based on the book series by Lev Grossman.

NEW SCRIPTED SERIES DEVELOPMENT

Clone – Based on the best-selling graphic novel. When retired soldier Luke Taylor investigates a break-in at his house, he never expected who the burglar would be: A clone of himself. Drawn into a vast government conspiracy when his wife is kidnapped, Luke must use all his combat skills and network of military contacts to get to the bottom of the secret biotech program that is responsible and the hidden agenda that goes all the way to the top levels of power. Writer/Executive Producer: David Schulner (Dracula, Ironside). Executive Producers: Robert Kirkman of Skybound Entertainment (Creator, EP, Writer of The Walking Dead) and David Alpert of Circle of Confusion (The Walking Dead). Studio: Universal Television.

Letter 44 – Based on the graphic novels of the same name. It is tradition for the preceding President to leave a letter for the newly elected President on the desk of the Oval Office. In this letter, new President Stephen Blades learns this stunning secret: seven years earlier, NASA discovered an alien construction project in the asteroid belt. A crew of heroic astronauts was sent to investigate and they're nearing the conclusion of their epic journey.
Executive Producer/Writer/Director: Jonathan Mostow (Terminator 3). Executive Producers: Eric Gitter (Scott Pilgrim vs the World) and Peter Schwerin (The Flock, Scary Movie 2) from Closed on Mondays. Executive Producer: Renee Echevarria (4400, Terra Nova). Studio: A co-production of Universal Television and Universal Cable Productions.

Magicians – Based on the book series, The Magicians, by Lev Grossman, the one-hour drama follows a group of 20-somethings in New York who study magic and discover that the magical fantasy world they read about as children is real and poses a grave danger to Earth.

Syfy this week announced a new unscripted series, the comedic docuseries Town of the Living Dead (WT), which follows a small Alabama town trying to complete their own independent zombie movie – which has been six years in the making.

In Town of the Living Dead, premiering Tuesday, October 7 at 10PM, the colorful folks of Jasper, Alabama are determined, once and for all, to complete their zombie movie,Thr33 Days Dead… now six long years in the making. Based on a town urban legend, their film centers on a group of friends trying to survive a zombie apocalypse in rural Alabama. The series will follow the intrepid and motley crew of amateur filmmakers as they struggle against every obstacle imaginable to get to a final cut of their film…which could someday become a movie!

Continuing a major expansion of its scripted primetime programming schedule, Syfy this week announced a new 10-episode space adventure drama series, Killjoys, which will premiere in 2015.

From the producers of Orphan Black (Temple Street Productions) and the creator of Lost Girl (Michelle Lovretta), Killjoys follows a fun-loving, hard living trio of interplanetary bounty hunters sworn to remain impartial as they chase deadly warrants throughout the Quad, a distant system on the brink of a bloody, multiplanetary class war.

Syfy today announced that Tricia Helfer, who played the humanoid Cylon “Number Six” in the iconic award-winning series Battlestar Galactica, will star in the channel’s new original, six hour event series Ascension.

Helfer will play the beautiful, manipulative and dangerous “Viondra Denniger.” Viondra regards herself as a not-so-secret power broker aboard the Ascension. As the Captain’s wife, Viondra is afforded a position of power and privilege, which she leverages as the Ship’s Chief Steward.

In 1963, the U.S. government launched a covert space mission sending hundreds of men, women and children on a century-long voyage aboard the starship Ascension to populate a new world. Nearly 50 years into the journey, as they approach the point of no return, the mysterious murder of a young woman causes the ship’s population to question the true nature of their mission.

And yes, there will be a Sharknado 3. As a reminder, Sharknado 2: The Second One, starring Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Vivica A. Fox, Mark McGrath, Kari Wuhrer and Judah Friedlander, and directed by Anthony C. Ferrante, will premiere on Syfy Wednesday, July 30 at 9:00.

Thursday, May 01, 2014

My First Album Had No Famous Guest Appearances, the Outcome: I'm Crowned the Best Lyricist



Illmatic - Nas

We live in an era of overnight success. Since the nineties, record labels have put millions of dollars launching new artists making it hard not to get at least one minor hit with enough promotion. Back in the day, even some of the biggest stars took a while to hit; Bruce Springsteen did not have a top fifty album or top one hundred single until his third album. Billy Joel’s first album did not even crack the top one hundred. Even Prince needed five albums to hit the top ten on either Billboard chart.

Even though we live in an era of instant fame, most of those overnight successes are lucky to have more than two good songs on their debut albums. It is very rarely that any artist comes out the gates with a five mic album but Nas did that with Illmatic, this month’s induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame. In a time when rap was moving to the west coast, Nas reminded everyone where the genre was birthed bringing the focas back to the east coast with the help of Wu-Tang Clan and The Notorious B.I.G..

Ten tracks, not a weak or skipable one among them or even a misplaced lyric in the forty minutes. Illmatic is one of the rare albums you ripped to your computer as a whole in a time before iTunes. Nas had the laid back delivery of A Tribe Called Quest with the street knowledge of KRS-One. And the production was on point, from Gang Starr’s DJ Premiere on New York State of Mind (which has been gone on to be sampled more times to count) to the Human Nature sampling It Ain’t Hard to Tell.

After Illmatic, Nas spent the next twenty years chasing the next classic. He created some better songs like If I Ruled the World and came close with Stilmatic but never a finer album he created than Illmatic. But of course his debut is one of the best in history, not just rap but of all music.


Wednesday, April 30, 2014

I Wanna Be the Guy Who Breaks All the Rules



Supernova - Ray LaMontagne


Before Mumford and Sons ushered in the folk rock earlier this decade, Ray LaMontagne was having modest success with his straight from a log cabin in New Hampshire esthetic. And he managed to find that success with minimal promotion. It seemed like Ray would release an album, go on tour, perform on the occasional late night talk show, and then go back to the woodland of New Hampshire until the next album. The only other promotion I have ever seen him do was VH1 Storytellers during his last album cycle.

For his fourth album, it seems like Lamontagne is gunning for the mainstream as he just released his first music video and brought in a big name producer for Supernova in Dan Aurbach who won the Producer of the Year, Non-Classical Grammy last year (if 2013 was the year of Pharrell, hopefully 2014 turns into the year of Auebach between this, Lana Del Rey, and his own The Black Keys album). The first single and title track was his poppiest song to date. But the thing is, it is pop in seventy’s pop rock radio from the seventies kind of was. It sounds like it would fit in between Steve Miller Band and Bob Seger on seventies AM radio, not between Adele and The Lumineers today. Ojai follows that trend sounding like it was heavily influenced by Creedence Clearwater Revival’s Lodi.

As a whole Supernova is Ray’s weirdest album to date. Sure there are those seventies pop rock ditties, but he also goes psychedelic many other tracks. The album opens with Lavender which sounds like something out of Haight-Ashbury in the late sixties. And that hippie vive continues on songs like Airwaves, Pick Up Gun, and No Other Way with its lyrics about flowers will inspire images of the ultimate hippie ode: San Francisco (Be Sure to Wear Flowers In Your Hair) while Smashing sounds like less adventurous Syd Barrett era Pink Floyd.

But the best track on Supernova is probably the most contemporary. She’s the One is a pure modern day rock song which sounds like what it may sound like if Ray did front The Black Keys as a trio. The song has the same dirty blues the duo is known for and it goes really well with Ray’s gritty voice. The closest Lamontagne gets to his folk rock is Drive-In Movies which closes out the album, and just like the subject, it is hard to reminiscence over his old sound after sitting through a mostly psychedelic album.

Song to Download – She's the One

Supernova gets a Terror Alert Level: Elevated [YELLOW] on my Terror Alert Scale.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

I Want My Music Television: 4/29/14



There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Sheezus – Lily Allen


Lily Allen’s new song is cool in a M.I.A. kind of way with a freaky music video, but Lily, no one wants to hear about your period. No one.


Marilyn Monroe - Pharrell Williams


Oh Pharrell, the hat was a good way to grab attention at the Grammy’s, but after you sold it to Arby’s, that should have been it, going with different colors of the same hat is being to be a bad look. And what is with the random Kelly Osbourne sighting in the video?


First Things First – Neon Trees


I was thoroughly underwhelmed by the latest Neon Trees album as a whole. First Things First did not stand out when I listened to it in the context of the album, but now hearing it outside the context of the album, I like it much more than the other singles released from it. Plus the video does a really god job creating a connection with the band.


Hello Kitty - Avril Lavigne


Just last week I was mentioning that if something if someone claims something is not racist, I am inclined to go into it assuming that it is racist. Avril Lavigne set off an internet firestorm with accusations of racism with her new video so much that it was actually pulled for a short time. Stupidly someone put it back up, not because it is overtly racist (she is not doing anything that Gwen Stefani did a decade ago for a whole album cycle) but because the video, racist or not, and song may be the most embarrassing someone posted this year.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Previewing Fish Tank Kings: Season Two





In a bit of synergy, Caesar Millan will be appearing on the new season of Fish Tank Kings when he commissions Living Color to build something at his Dog Psychology Center. But Caesar does not want them to build a tank; he wants them to build a pond… in the desert. Yep, Caesar wants an aquatic oasis koi pond with no viable water source for miles. How the Kings find water dates back long before you would think technology would come up with a better technique.

Caesar does not show up until the May 12 episode but before then there are a couple more jobs that the Fish Tank Kings are tasked to do that they have never done before. Tonight’s premiere features a guy who wants the Kings to build the largest private aquarium they have ever done. Oh, and he wants it done on the second floor office space. And he wants sharks.

Also this season, fish expert Francis heads to the frigid waters off the coast of Vancouver for an octopus while the boys back home have to design an aquarium to make sure the octopus, an animal that likes to hide in cracks and crevices, can be seen at all times for the new Rosamond Gifford Zoo exhibit. Another client wants crystal instead of coral in his fish tank which causes some problems because the coral is usually where they hide the filtration system. The Kings also try to design a tank so elaborate it will trick the client into thinking the whole house was built around it.


Fish Tank Kings airs Mondays at 9:00 on Nat Geo Wild.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 4/27/14



Orphan Black: (Please not this is a review of last week's episode) I watched the first season over the course of about a week last summer and it is always a little weird when you switch from marathoning to weekly watching. I was ready to watch a new episode the next day but alas, that is not an option when you watch it like. I need my soccer mom fix. Much like the first season, Alison stole the premiere with the three most entertaining scenes: using her mace and rape whistle, her community theater production, and getting a piece for Sarah (and how she delivered it to her).
You can download Orphan Black on iTunes.

Once Upon a Time: So Cora orchestrated her daughter to be married to a dude she used to be engaged to? Eww. Maybe that séance should have taken place on Springer. And I am starting to think the Wicked Witch’s spell is going to succeed, just not the way she wants. I predicted that they will go back far enough to save Neil, but not far enough for the Wicked Witch to kill Snow White’s mother.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Mad Men: Last week it seemed like Don was still on his indefinite hiatus but the partners make it seem that he was fired but still on the payroll. Are they keeping him around just to keep him from going anywhere else? And just when you thought Don’s life could not get any more depressing, he gets fully dressed at 8:00 just to meet with his secretary who he has spying for him.
You can download Mad Men on iTunes.

Crisis: Ever since it was hinted that the kidnappers had an overall noble endgame (show the CIA’s evil super-soldier program) I figured it was only a matter of time before they would team up with the FBI. I am guessing the ending is the start of that where they help each other out and slowly turn the CIA into the bad guys.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Crisis on iTunes.

The Voice: Yep, I am pretty much done with this season. Hopefully they find some actual interesting singers next season. But as the last three seasons have played out, I get the sence the show is not interested in those types of singers anymore.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.

The Blacklist: After he promos, I was expecting a better fight between Mr. and Mrs. Keen than that. You could even see Tom check himself whe hitting Lizzie with the chair.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Blacklist on iTunes.

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: When agent Ward turned heel, I had a sinking suspicion that he would eventually turn out to be a triple agent and he just stunned Agent Hand and all the others he “killed.” That I getting less likely after wiping the blood of Agent Koenig from his strangling wire. But why bring in Patton Oswaltt only to kill him a week later. Oh well, at least next week has Robin Scherbatsky!
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. on iTunes.

Survivor: Cagayan: After teasing it about a month ago, we finally learned what “special powers” the new Idol has and it is extremely stupid. Basically Tony can play the Idol even after the votes are read. Now we know Tony will not be voted off because he calls pull out his Idol even after the votes have been read ruining all suspense. At least with the regular Idol there is the suspense of will someone use it or not, if they give it away, will they give it to the right person, a lot of different scenarios. Now we know if Tony is targeted, he is safe no matter what. This is so stupid. They have rolled out plenty of stupid ideas on Survivor, but "Special Idol" may overtake Redemption Island as dumbest of all.
You can stream recent episodes on cbs.com. You can also download Survivor: Cagayan on iTunes.

The Americans: Yeah, communist going to church went about as well as I expected it to. But I did not think Philip actually went to the church to actually beat up the minister, I thought he was just going to steal the money back. But the minister calling him out for his anger issues actually worked.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

Bad Teacher: Dick Casablancas, Antoine Meriwether, and Dr. Dre deserved better than this.
You can download Bad Teacher on iTunes.

The Challenge: Free Agents: I stopped watching The Real World circa Las Vegas, the first one, but I do listen to Grantland’s The Right Reason’s podcast so I had high hopes for “Hurricane” Nia. Unfortunately she was not even a high wind warning. Even during the After Show she seemed like the normal one next to Jasmine. This has to be the biggest bust since Jamarcus Russell. At least she gave us a good quote on her way out, “You don’t go for 85 minutes and not wimp out. That is over an hour and a half.”
You can download The Challenge: Free Agents on iTunes.

Hannibal: This is the best looking show on television, but that whole home invasion scene just came off as clunky, it just never felt very well paced. The season itself has seemed to hit a lull after Will was released from prison and now we wait until Jack confronts Hannibal from the season premiere flash forward.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Hannibal on iTunes.



Saturday, April 26, 2014

Best of the Week: 4/26/14




Quote of the Week: She has plans, look at her calendar: February 14: (expletive deleted) gloomily. (Michael Ginsberg, Mad Men)

Song of the Week: Love You Like a Love Song - Selena Gomez and the Scene (Suburgatory)

Scene of the Week:

Big News of the Week: WEIRD AL IS CAREFULLY WEIGHING HIS OPTIONS AND ISN’T ENTIRELY SURE WHAT HE’S DOING AFTER HIS NEXT ALBUM!: The internet seems to be like the telephone game from childhood, after reported a couple times, the story gets a little distorted. Last week a headline read, “WEIRD AL SAYS HIS NEXT ALBUM WILL BE HIS LAST!” Expect it is not (barring him being dismembered in a freak accident). In a humorous blog post, Al clarified… well his fake headline which I co-opted above explains it fairly well. His post also mentioned he is halfway done with his next album and if he is dismembered in a freak accident tomorrow, it would make a nice final EP. It is about time, I have been waiting for a Call Me Maybe parody for two years now. Add that to Royals, Somebody That I Used to Know, Ho Hey, We Are Young, he should have plenty material to get his album finished quickly before any freak accidents may happen. And hopefully after that album is delivered, he can finally start releasing parodies straight to the internet right when the songs are still hot, not waiting until he has enough to fill out an album. In a perfect world, there is no reason why we cannot be enjoying a Happy within the week.

Preview Picture of the Week:

“Yousaf” The Americans, Wednesday at 10:00 on FX

Free Download of the Week: Avant Gardener - Courtney Barnett (Amazon MP3)

New Album Release of the Week: Supernova - Ray Lamontange

New DVD Release of the Week: Hill Street Blues: The Complete Series

Video of the Week: TNT released its first full trailer for the fourth season of Falling Skies. It heavily features a striking new blonde chick who it seems by the final scene is Tom’s daughter who started last season as a baby and finished as a tween. Yeah, she is not ominous or anything.


Next Week Pick of the Week: The iHeartRadio Music Awards, Thursday at 8:00 on NBC: CBS has the Grammy’s, ABC has the Billboard and American Music Awards, NBC is finally getting into the music awards game this week with the first annual iHeartRadio Music Awards. Unfortunately since it is based on radio, the music being honored is not that interesting. Case in point, up for Artist of the Year are Rihanna, Maroon 5, Justin Timberlake, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, and Imagine Dragons. The performers include Drake, Pharrell, Blake Shelton, Kendrick Lamar, Pitbull, Shakira, Thirty Seconds to Mars, Ariana Grande, Luke Bryan, Arcade Fire, and Ed Sheeran. This looks like it could be the Billboard or AMA’s. Yawn, the CBS comedies may be better alternative.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Around the Tubes:4/25/14



I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Don Peyote, Crossbones, Dominion, Jim Henson’s Creature Shop Challenge, Florida Untamed, The ’90s: The Last Great Decade?, The Who, Beautiful Small Machines, The Gospel of Jesus’S Wife, and Sullivan and Son.

- Don Peyote, available on VOD and iTunes: May 9, 2014, is about a midlife crisis over his upcoming wedding sends 32-year-old unemployed stoner Warren Allman on the drug trip of a lifetime in this off-the-wall comedy starring Dan Fogler, Josh Duhamel, Jay Baruchel and a host of celebrity cameos. Fueled by vivid apocalyptic dreams, Warren becomes obsessed with Doomsday theories and decides to make a documentary on the subject while his fiancé is busy planning their wedding. Check out the trailer below:


- Think you know the legend of Blackbeard? Think again. John Malkovich stars as the infamous pirate in Crossbones, premiering Friday, May 30 at 10:00. Check out the official trailer below before we embark on an extraordinary adventure this summer.


- Heaven brings hell on earth! Watch the series premiere of Dominion June 19 at 9:00.


- Please note that effective Tuesday, April 29, new episodes of Syfy’s original series Jim Henson’s Creature Shop Challenge will air at 9:00. (The series currently airs Tuesday at 10:00). In the April 29 episode, the creature designers must design and build a creature that camouflages itself in plain sight within a swamp. Creature Shop Fabrication Supervisor Julie Zobel serves as master in the episode. Acclaimed creature designer Neville Page of Syfy’s Face Off serves as the guest judge.

- Just beyond the theme parks, poolside resorts and sunny beaches of Florida lie ruthless predators hungry for a kill. The swamps are no playground for most animals living there, including American crocodiles, alligators, Burmese pythons, sea turtles and rattlesnakes. They’re a fierce paradise where any moment could be the animals’ last. Witness the dramas unfold as Nat Geo Wild and 2C Media journey through a labyrinth of ancient cypress swamps and crowded shores, capturing miraculous sights that never cease to amaze. It’s treacherous; it’s venomous; it’s Florida Untamed Sunday at 8:00.

- National Geographic Channels announced this week that Rob Lowe will return to the network as narrator of the three-night summer miniseries event The ’90s: The Last Great Decade?. No stranger to NGC, Lowe starred as President John F. Kennedy in last fall’s critically acclaimed Killing Kennedy, the network’s most-watched program ever and for which he received a 2013 Screen Actors Guild Awards nomination, and served as narrator for The ’80s: The Decade That Made Us last spring. Lowe will be the viewer’s guide through the program, the first definitive examination of the era of White House interns, grunge, overalls and Viagra.

- In 2012/2013, The Who embarked on the Quadrophenia and More Tour, performing their landmark rock opera in its entirety, marking the 40th anniversary of the original 1973 release of this double-album masterpiece. The critically acclaimed and highly successful tour closed at London’s Wembley Arena, with the cameras rolling, to record the closing night of this historic anniversary tour. Filmed on July 8, 2013, Quadrophenia: Live In London features The Who in peak form, performing Quadrophenia from front to back, in its entirety, plus a special set of some of their all-time greatest hits. The film captures the band’s dynamic performance in front of their hometown crowd and features blistering performances of “The Real Me,” “The Punk And The Godfather,” “Doctor Jimmy” and a powerful performance of “Love Reign O’er Me.” With HD screen backdrops, archival footage and today’s advanced technology in sound, Quadrophenia: Live In London reunites The Who with bandmates John Entwistle, for “5:15,” and Keith Moon for his signature song “Bell Boy.” In addition to their performance of Quadrophenia, the band tear through classic tracks such as “Pinball Wizard,“ “Who Are You,” “You Better You Bet,” “Baba O’Riley,” “Won’t Get Fooled Again” and “Tea & Theatre,” from their 2006 release Endless Wire,” with the intensity and power only The Who can conjure.

- NYC-based “electro twang” duo, Beautiful Small Machines, releases brand new LP, The DJ Stayed Home. In this follow-up release to the band’s debut EP, Robots in Love, their Blondie-meets-Arcade Fire sound connects with what Collected Sounds Blog describes as “a bit like Grandaddy, The Postal Service and The Tings Tings forming a super band.” Other notable influences include: Duran Duran, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Elvis Costello, Patti Smith, Wilco, The Rolling Stones and 80s pop music. Take a listen to the title track belw:



- In the wake of scientific results indicating that the text fragment, known as the Gospel of Jesus’s Wife, is authentically ancient and not a modern fake, Smithsonian Channel will premiere the full, definitive story of the ground-breaking fragment’s discovery and expert analysis of what it means. The one-hour special, The Gospel of Jesus’S Wife, debuts Monday, May 5 at 8:00.

- Kunal Nayyar (The Big Bang Theory), Ken Jeong (The Hangover movies, Community) and Billy Gardell (Mike & Molly) are set to return to TBS's hit original series Sullivan and Son during the show's upcoming third season premiering in June. Last year marked the first appearances on the show for Nayyar and Jeong. Gardell has appeared in both previous seasons.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Feed Your iPod LXXXIII: Shelter



Ray LaMontagne has a new album coming out next week and in an era of instant stardom; he is one of the few artists this century that has been able to build his fanbase steadily through the years. His earliest work got modest play on public radio and by his third album he started getting into heavy rotation on adult contemporary stations. For those that got into Ray late, the song off his first album they are most likely to know is Trouble thanks to a doggie themed commercial from a couple years ago. If there is only one song off his first album you know, be sure to also check out Shelter, another emotionally charged folk ballad from the singer.

Shelter – Ray Lamontage

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

They’ve Been Telling Me to Come of Age, I’ve Been Going Through an Awkward Phase



Pop Psychology - Neon Trees

There comes a time in every guy’s life when a friend announces to you that they are gay. Then you have to decide whether you should be honored that he trusts you with something so personal or slap then upside the head for not coming out earlier because you pretty much already knew because he had done everything to convey he was gay except actually hit on you (then there is the uncomfortable situation of deciding if you should be relieved or offended they never hit on you). That was what was going through my head when the lead singer of Neon Trees Tyler Glenn recently came out as gay in Rolling Stone. Seriously dude, I think pretty much everyone already assumed that because you did everything short of making out with dudes in your videos. I would have been much more surprised if he announced his engagement to his female drummer.

Neon Trees were creative in the wake of The Killers, both with ties to Las Vegas playing pop rock, new wave infused music with a modern twist. For their second album, The Killers decided they want to be more rock than pop and tried to write Bruce Springsteen epics. Neon Trees went the other way going further down the new wave rabbit whole. Forget that the first two tracks off the their third album have titles like Love in the 21st Century and Text Me in the Morning, as you can tell from the album cover, Pop Psychology is straight out of the early eighties.

The first two Neon Trees albums followed the template, one extremely catchy first single, a couple good songs, and a bunch of filler. They have two multiplatinum songs and two albums that have even gone gold. Pop Psychology breaks that trend. But not in a good way. Those two previously mentioned songs with embarrassing titles go right up the cheesy like then leaps right by it. Sleeping with a Friend is the first single and best hope to catch lightning three times, but only ends up being mildly catchy and easily forgettable.

As overtly cheesy the first couple songs are, things do get a little more interesting in the second half starting with Unavoidable. The song is dreamy a duet with female where the syths finally get toned down. This song probably could have been a radio hit back into 1983, but thirty-one years later it probably too boring to get play. So Pop Psychology has no great songs, a couple good ones and a bunch of filler. It looks like Neon Trees may be resigned to two-hit wonderdom which is too back for the band because it is not enough to have a lengthy career and too many hits to be a much more celebrated one hit wonder. Thirty years later, more people remember Dexy's Midnight Runners than Level 42.

Song to Download – Unavoidable

Pop Psychology gets a Terror Alert Level: Elevated [YELLOW] on my Terror Alert Scale.


Tuesday, April 22, 2014

I Want My Music Television: 4/22/14

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


It's On Again - Alicia Keys featuring Kendrick Lamar


For some reason Alicia Keys last album did not do very well. So of course she calls Pharrell, who is extending last year’s year of Pharrell even further (more on that later), and Kendrick Lamar for a new song. But I like the music video which harkens back to the nineties when massive soundtracks would rule MTV with videos that vaguely tie into the films. Really, all though Batman soundtracks videos from the era were just all awesomely bad. If you have not seen it in a while, or not at all, go watch Gotham City.


I Blame Myself – Sky Ferrera


Whenever I see a headline saying “_____ is not racist” my first thought is always, what I am about to see is probably racist. I actually saw a headline with Sky Ferrera contending that her newest video is not racist before seeing the video itself. So naturally I went in thinking what I was about to see would be highly racist. But is it racist? Meh, barely in a white chick harmlessly co-opting African American style which has been going on for decades. And there really is no reason to hate on the slight racism in the video considering also contains a entertainingly silly dance breakdown.


Sweatpants - Childish Gambino featuring Problem



Childish Gambino dropped his latest music video the same week as the season (series?) finale of his old show Community, but the video seems like it was trying to line up with the season premiere of Orphan Black.


Aerosol Cans – Major Lazer featuring Pharrell Williams


I could never get into Major Lazer because they are a part of that annoying dance music that just loops the same loud bars over and over again. Even Pharrell cannot make them listenable. But the lyrics video to their song is pretty innovative even if it surprisingly does not use any aerosol cans.

Monday, April 21, 2014

The Voice Season Six Top 12 Power Rankings



Much like the two previous seasons, I have gotten bored by the time the Playoffs rolled around. There was not much to be excited about to start with, but with the exception of Blake, the coaches completely mismanaged their teams. The final twelve is about as boring as the final twelve last season and just barely more diverse than season four. Hopefully Pharrell Williams and (reportedly) Gwen Stefani do a better job of finding singers worth getting excited for. While they are at it, get two more new judges to replace Blake and Adam (I suggest Miranda Lambert and John Mayer) and have an “all-star” season featuring all the contestants that the judges in the first six season screwed up on (here are my suggestions of 25 Contestants that Deserve a Second Chance which I made after season five; let me add Sam Behymer, Madilyn Paige, Ddendyl, Kaleigh Glanton, Clarissa Serna, Dawn and Hawkes, De'Shawn Washington, and Allison Bray from this season). Since it is too late to do anything about the boring singers, here are some interesting song selections that could keep my interest for the rest of the season along with my latest (and possibly last) power ranking.


1. Audra McLaughlin (Team Blake): XO – Beyoncé: Blake will undoubtedly go country chalk for his two country singers this season much like he did in season four. That worked well for Danielle (and may do the same for Jake) but I see Audra more like Holly would got boring quick singing old-timey country. To avoid Holly’s fate, a middle of the pack finish, Audra will need a Hail Mary before getting stale (which arguably may have happened last week with the Martina McBride song). XO is a universal song that could easily have some pop-country crossover. Bonus points if she brings out a children’s choir in the chorus.

2. Josh Kaufman (Team Adam Usher): Stubborn Love – The Lumineers: I do not know why this song was not as big as Ho Hey, but it deserves some shine, and I think Josh could do it justice even if he has been more blue eyed soul than folk rock so far.

3. Tess Boyer (Team Usher Blake Shakira): The One That Got Away – The Civil Wars: Tess has shown a wide range and this song has a lot of dynamics to play with.

4. Sisaundra Lewis (Team Blake): My Love – Lionel Richie: Here is somewhere Sisaundra and Blake can meet halfway: a Lionel Richie song which featured Kenny Rogers on backing vocals.

5. T.J. Wilkins (Team Usher): Feenin' – Jodeci: T.J. got adventurous with his Blind Audition but has sung boring RnB songs older than me ever since. I do not know why 90’s RnB has rarely (if ever) gotten any love on this show, but a little Jodeci will keep T.J. from being boring.

6. Kat Perkins (Team Adam): Little Black Submarines – The Black Keys: Whenever a rocker gets on the show they end up doing all the AM golden oldies. Here is an epic Led Zeppelin type song that The Black Keys crammed into a three minute rock song. I am sure this will be the favorite song the backing band would play this season.

7. Delvin Choice (Team Adam): Sweet Life – Frank Ocean: Speaking of boring old RnB, Delvin has never been as adventurous as his hair. Frank Ocean is one of the few modern RnB singers that is soulful and adventurous.

8. Jake Worthington (Team Blake): I and Love and You – The Avett Brother: Unlike Audra, Jake probably can cruise to the semifinals just singing bro-country, but would be boring. And suck. Here is a country song that is much more interesting that you will not hear on country radio.

9. Christina Grimmie (Team Adam): Get Lucky (Daughter version) – Daft Punk: Christina has range and consistency problems; here is an awesome version of the song that can hide her limitations.

10. Bria Kelly (Team Usher): Fake Plastic Trees – Radiohead: The last two weeks has shown that Bria struggles with subtle. I do not think she can advance very far shouting all the time. Here is a song with subtle and loud parts and you do not have to be perfect on the subtle parts when Tom Yorke is your template.

11. Dani Moz (Team Shakira): We Found Love – Rihanna: It worked well last week, how about stripping down another pop song and turning it into a love song?

12. Kristen Merlin (Team Shakira): Mama's Broken Heart – Miranda Lambert: She does not seem to have much versatility so might as well go with something in her wheelhouse. I am guessing she will be gone in the first week or two anyway.

But who cares what I think, here is how the contestants faired this week on the iTunes chart including the previous round songs that charted over the past two weeks.

1. Christina Grimmie (35)
2. Kat Perkins (112)
3. Dani Moz (149)
4. Tess Boyer (153)
5. Bria Kelly (156)
6. Josh Kaufman (166)
7. Delvin Choice (220)
8. Jake Worthington (221)
9. Sisaundra Lewis (290)
10. Kristen Merlin (292)
11. Morgan Wallen (347)
12. Jake Worthington – Have a Little Faith in Me (545)
13. Jake Baker – Climax (615)
14. Audra McLaughlin (626)
15. Jake Barker (744)
16. Patrick Thomson (752)
17. Christina Grimmie – Wrecking Ball (752)
18. T.J. Wilkins (779)
19. Christina Grimmie – Counting Stars (800)
20. Madilyn Paige – I’ll Stand by You (1057)
21. Jake Worthington – Don’t Close Your Eyes (1138)
22. Jake Worthington It Goes Like This (1145)
23. Madilyn Paige (1185)

And here is how they rank if you average the highest iTunes peak of each singers four perforamces.

1. Christina Grimmie (186.75)
2. Jake Worthington (215)
3. Josh Kaufman (303.75)
4. Sisaundra Lewis (456.25)
5. Morgan Wallen (485)
6. Kristen Merlin (495.25)
7. Jake Barker (590.25)
8. Madilyn Paige (605.25)

9. Audra McLaughlin (695.25)
Half of the top 12 had at least one song fail to make the top 1500, here is how all their songs charted to give you a sense of how they rank.
10. Bria Kelly (126, 459, NC, 156)
11. Kat Perkins (451, 943, NC, 112)
12. Delvin Choice (416, NC, 894, 220)
13. T.J. Wilkins (714, NC, 422, 779)
14. Tess Boyer (NC, NC, 334, 153)
15. Dani Moz (NC, 1314, NC, 149)


So gone are the fifth, seventh, and eighth best iTunes sellers with two singers who only charted half their songs are moving on (granted those two did make the top 200 this week). Now it is time to put on my prognosticators hat on and predict how the season will boil down:

Eliminated 11-12: Dani, Kristen
10-9: T.J., Kat
8-7: Delvin, Tess
6-5: Audra, Bria
4: Sisaundra
3: Chistina
2: Jake
1: Josh