The MTV Video Music Awards have come and gone this year. A lot of cool thing that happened this year, but much like last year, there was not a defining water cooler moment again granted I was at the water cooler today gushing over the return of Beavis and Butthead. Diddy was your host and he didn’t suck as bad as the Wayans Brothers yet he came no where close to Chris Rock, Dennis Miller or even Arsinio Hall. And why has no one pointed out the Diddy has adopted the name of a cheesy rap song from the early 90’s yet. Am I the only one who remembers that song? “Do the diddy if you won’t do me cause damn I can see that you want me.” But anyways, here are some of my highlights from the show:
Pre-Show
- So there was a car show of the pimpest rides on the pre-show with Green Day’s car from the Holiday video stealing the show. But can we retire the word “pimp” as a positive adjective. Let’s not forget a true pimp is someone who forces women to sell their bodies for money. This is a word that should ever be glorified.
- Also part of the car show was Ludacris who drove in a custom Louis Vuittan car. Did I miss something; I thought LV was for chicks. Any guy I see with LV gets mocked thoroughly.
- The Game also rolled up in his car. Although the commentator called him just Game. So what is it, “The Game” or just “Game?” Did he drop the "The" like Diddy dropped the "P?" I’m just a corny old white dude; I need help figuring these things out.
- MTV apparently has a new fashion consultant, Coltrane. Just what MTV needs, their very on Joan Rivers critiquing clothes.
- During the pre-show, they were hawking a new Madonna concert DVD. Is there anyone who would actually spend money to see a 40 year old lip-sync?
- Okay, it seems that Houston is the new hot rap city, but after hearing the medley of Houston rappers perform, I think it may be time to move to the next city. Topeka anyone?
- Yes, those were Ice-T’s wife’s nipples you saw. Brings back fond memories of Rose McGowan.
- John Norris was heard asking everyone who is going to win the big prize but would always interject, “A lot of people say Kanye will take home the big one.” John, actually you were the only one who was saying it.
The Main Show
- Odd choice with a Green Day performing a relatively low key Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Not quite as good as my suggestion.
- Yes that was a teleprompter you saw in Diddy opening “performance.” He comes out to Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Relax, Diddy is the only one who loves the 80’s more than VH1. And for those keeping track, that’s the second gay anthem that Diddy has associated himself with, Diana Ross’ I'm Coming Out.
- The opening itself was cool, but reminded me too much as a mini version of the Olympics ceremony. The water theme was also cool, especially how they transitioned the video nominees.
- Winning the Carrie Fisher Award for hot chick that has fallen the quickest goes to Lindsay Lohan. She just gets uglier and uglier. Someone buy her a Big Mac please.
- Interesting to mix up the Best Male and Female Videos together. Kanye West and Kelly Clarkson win, okay mash-up artist, it’s time to give that a try. Behind These Gold Digging Eyes anyone?
- Big Daddy Butthead and fire loving Beavis are back. Now where exactly can I vote for them to get back on MTV?
- I have a theory that Ciara is the black Britney Spears. Marginally attractive but shows a lot of skin – check. Limited vocal range – check. Attaches herself to an equally talent less boyfriend – check. Focuses more time on her dancing than singing – check. Make music that makes my ears bleed – check.
- Now I’m a sucker for steel drum, but I was still disappointed there was no Mike Myers during Ludacris’ performance, instead we get some dude named Bobby Valentino.
- Did Diddy really call Orlando Bloom the prettiest person in the world?
- It was nice to see Grandmaster Flash. Too bad it was ruined with a dance off between Diddy and Omarion. Which then led to the biggest surprise of the night, an appearance by Hammer? Hey, anything can happen. And yes, I still know every word to U Can'T Touch This. And thinking about it, I know Hammer wasn't a one hit wonder, but can anyone name another one of his songs?
- Worst outfit award goes to Jessica Simpson weird backless, yet still wearing a bra, French Maid ensemble. She also takes home worst hair award.
- Am I mistaken, or did Alicia Keys wear the same unfavorable, form fitting, dress as last year?
- What was with the dude with Shakira and his guitar? He only strummed it about two times; it was like members of N’Sync performing with microphone. I wonder if the dude was carrying it because he needed to hides something.
- Umm, should I know what clowning or crumping is? My spell check doesn’t even know what the crumping is.
- Missy Elliot wins Best Dance Video. Shouldn’t this award go to a song you could actually dance to?
- Holy Eric Roberts sighting! Nice plug for his step-son’s, Keaton Simons, album and website. Now how exactly do I go about getting my refund that he offered?
- Now typically I rip anyone who lip-syncs, but I’ll let R. Kelly slid on account they he gave the most entertaining performance o the night. And just when I thought nothing could top Chapters 1-5 videos for Trapped in the Closet, Kelly goes and tops himself with a one man show debuting Chapter 6. I can’t wait for Chapters 7-12. Kelly was also seen on the red, oops, white carpet wearing an “I’m Rick James’ Bitch” shirt. I’m sorry to hear that and I sure hope your crack-pipe burns have healed by now R.
- Did we really need to see a naked Sean Combs? Although Kunta Combs was funny. It was nice to see Diddy take a pot shot at half the country when he brought up his Vote or Die campaign. Which reminds me, when is Diddy going to get around to killing Paris Hilton, she didn’t even register to vote.
- Diddy announces that Hilary Duff and Joel Madden are the Jay-Z and Beyoncé of rock. Well except Jay-Z waited for Beyoncé to be well past 18 before they started dating. Now Joel may be the Roman Polanski of pseudo-punk, that might be a better comparison. I wonder what the age of consent is in Florida.
- The Killers are remote from some hotel. Very Miami Vice setting, fitting for the band’s love for the 80’s is only trumped by Diddy.
- Holy Lil' Kim sighting! Shouldn’t she be in jail by now, wasn’t she convicted a couple months ago. Oh, I forgot, she’s famous (relatively), she can show up to jail whenever she want. It’s odd that all the famous guys get off yet the famous females get jail time.
- We are then treated to by an appearance by Big Daddy Poseidon and the Roman God of feces and manure. Seriously, where can I vote to get Beavis and Butthead back on the air?
- Nice tribute to Biggie although it was surprising that they went with lesser known Juicy and Warning instead of smashes like Big Poppa or Hypnotize. And they even censored the line “blow up like the World Trade,” I’m not sure that was needed. He wasn’t even alive for reason they bleeped it for. And as the ten year anniversaries of their deaths creep closer, I’m starting to begin to think that maybe Biggie and Tupac are really dead, not hanging out in Hawaii with Elvis as I previously thought.
- The classiest and least classy people, Common and Johnny Knoxville present together. I shouldn’t have to specify which is which.
- Morbidly Obese Joe presents a medley of Reggaeton artists. That was extremely horrible. This could be to my generation what rap was to my parents and rock and roll was to their parents. I really hate the whole getting old thing.
- Missy Elliot defies conventional wisdom again by winning Best Hip Hop. But then again, this category hasn’t had any credibility since Jennifer Lopez won it.
- Worst Bling of the night goes to Pharrell. This is saying a lot with all the mouth bling the Houston rappers were sporting.
- I wonder why Coldplay is now putting MTF on its piano. I’m not sure many people realized that it stands for maketradefair.com. It was nice to see Chris Martin run up to the cheap seats and get surrounded by a bunch of drunken people.
- Should I know who B5 is? And all they do is present other presenter. Was that really needed?
- Kelly Clarkson wins best pop and walks through the fountain of water to accept the award. I love the gratuitous Gwen Stefani shots after she losses. It almost like MTV was jabbing at her for threatening to not show up is they didn’t let her perform. They didn’t even show any of the Moonmen she won on the big show.
- Not since Andrew Dice Clay has MTV given a comedian air time at the VMA’s for some stand up, and this year they give time to… Dane Cook? Should I know who he is? Actually the guy was pretty funny, especially the part about putting a detonator in your kid. Maybe they should get this dude to host next year.
- The Killers win Best New Artist and for the first time ever, and drummer actually gives the acceptance speech.
- Stefani win best Diddy’s best dressed challenge even though she’s wearing some leopard spot dress out of the Soprano’s wardrobe. Obviously the female population voted for this as is it was judged by dudes Eva Longoria would have won by a landslide.
- Guided Vocal Alert! As I predicted, Mariah Carey’s performance made for a good bathroom break and her little midget showed to move around like an idiot. And if The Lox ever want to get some street cred, maybe they should stop showing up on J-Lo and Mariah songs.
- I don’t know who Paulina Rubio is, but I’m glad she wore that dress. And I like how she kept trying to say the Gorillaz couldn’t be their as the cartoon’s acceptance speech ran behind her.
- Remember when 50 Cent had credibility? His guided vocal performance was quite boring, and then brings out Mobb Deep, who just became hype men. Then come out the winner of the Macy Gray Award for lamest self promotion, Tony Yayo to perform the worst song of the medley. But thing were almost salvaged as 50 went on a tirade against Morbidly Obese Joe with plenty of obscenities making it on air. For those of those not paying attention 50 said, “Fat Joe is a…” um, as Naughty by Nature put it, “It’s another why to call a cat or kitten, there’s five letters missing here.”
- More reasons why My Chemical Romance suck, they are Diddy favorite band. I recently read in Rolling Stone that the group members are pushing thirty. That’s kind of creepy considering that their fan base is moody 14 year olds. Granted Eminem is on the wrong side of thirty and his fan base are 16 year old brats. And on the subject of MCR, is it wrong that I think the dead chick in their video is hot?
- Can anyone explain why Lil Bow Wow and Paris Hilton are still around? This did lead to the funniest awkward moment and Lil and Billy Joe could figure out if they should shake hands, hug, or give a chest bump.
- Did Michelle from Destiny's Child really just quote Fall Out Boy?
- Green Day wins Video of the Year and gets much love from Hammer on their way to accept the award. That should be award enough.
- As for a wet Kelly Clarkson and you shall receive a wet Kelly Clarkson. I wonder if anyone let the audience know they were going to be drench because I saw a few unhappy faces in the crowd. And some one should have told Kelly that when she performs in the rain, she may not want to go barefoot, but then had they done so, we wouldn’t have seen her slip in a puddle.
And then that was it. The surprise performances were Hammer and My Chemical Romance. That can’t be a good sign for an awards show. Also, no one got shot, unless you count Suge Knight who was shot at a pre show. But he was not critically injured and neither Lohan nor Hilton got caught in the cross-fire. For those who missed the show, it’s MTV, they will repeat it constantly for a month. And in response to getting panned over AOL’s coverage over Live8, for those with Broadband, you can see the whole show, plus extras, on MTV’s Overdrive internet channel.
My final tally:
3 of 21 (.143) thought should have won.
8 of 21 (.381) I predicted correctly.
The MTV Video Music Awards are tonight and I thought I would wax poetic about some new videos that were too late for consideration for this year’s show, but maybe you see them come next year. Click on the bold-faced names to follow a link to the video.
Dave Matthews Band – Dreamgirl 
The most interesting part of this video is that it is the first time we see Julia Roberts on film of her twins, insane baby name #1 and insane baby name #2. The video follows Matthews watching a movie of a blank faced man who turns into various members of the band and a surprise ending. What I find odd about the video is the inclusion of Roberts who appears in her first video months after her older brother got some recognition after appearing in a pair of Mariah Carey videos and the Killers' Mr. Brightside. Did she really need to undercut her brother’s thunder? Eric had some success in the early 80’s, but Julia quickly became America’s sweetheart and Eric then became relocated to B-movies. I even recent read an article in TV guide talking about Eric’s daughter starting in a new show, but she was regarded as Julia’s niece and Eric wasn’t even mentioned. The least Julia could have done is let Eric corner the video market in the Roberts household.
Green Day – Wake Me Up When September Ends
A poignant look at how the war can affect today’s youth. I like how it subtly highlights that some people have to join the military because it’s the only work they can find. The video also does a good job at not really picking a pro-war or anti-war stance. It just put the images out there and lets you decide. Rachel Evan Wood, who has taken over Christina Ricci role as go to teenager in indie films but without Casper on her imdb page, gives a tour-de-force performance as the girlfriend. Too bad MTV doesn’t give out best acting awards at the VMA’s. And for anyone who says that you can’t be anti-war and pro military need to pay attention to the end when the Wood’s character says, “I just want you to know, no matter what, you always have some one here for you. I’m never gonna leave you.”
Backstreet Boys – Just Want You To Know
An interesting faux-documentary following heavy metal fans of the 80’s going to a concert of the faux-band Sphynkter. I mean it was interesting a couple years ago when American Hi-Fi had the exact same concept for their Flavor of the Week video. But it’s not like the Backstreet Boys have ever done anything original before, so why should they start now?.
Weezer – We are All on Drugs
A nice commentary on suburbs today where everyone seems to be on drug, and I don’t think the band is talking about the illegal variety, but as in Ritalin, Zoloft, Paxil and the like have everyone medicated these days. Rivers runs into many of those people throughout the video.
I really try to avoid hot button topics, not that I don’t have an opinion or I don’t want to offend, it is because I usually have nothing to add to the discussion that hasn’t already been said. One of the biggest story of the day that has seem to grab the headlines over the token missing hot chick of the month is the story of Cindy Sheehan. Of course she is the mother of a soldier who was killed in Iraq who is now camping outside George Bush’s ranch in Crawford, Texas as he takes his five week vacation. Cindy wants to speak with Bush about what her son died for and this puts Bush in a no win position. If he doesn’t meet with her he looks inconsiderate but if he does meet with her (again as he met with her once already) he looks like he’s caving in. But I’m sure everyone knew that already. And now there is a new group heading to Texas named “You Don’t Speak For Me, Cindy,” or YDSFMC for short. That could be the lamest name ever conceived. Couldn’t they get some vowels in there somewhere? But anyways.
Now I have no problem with Cindy protesting the war or YDSFMC for protesting Cindy or Bush for choosing to avoid Cindy. But my problem is who exactly are these people that can spend weeks at a time protesting (not too mention having a five week vacation)? I remember passing various people on campus back in college and think that I a big a fan of social activism as the next insane person, but I always have better thing to do than handcuff myself to a building because some one was putting eyeliner on monkeys.
Another interesting topic on this issue is how no major Democratic Party leader has stepped up in support of Cindy Sheehan. Well that was until now, going down to Texas is no other than… The Reverend Al Sharpton. Sharpton, I believe last seen at the Michael Jackson trail, will join Sheehan in a peace vigil. And the insain train doesn’t stop with Sharpton either as a group of white supreminist are planning their own rally. No they are surprisingly not joining the Sheehan/Sharpton vigil or YDSFMC, but they will be in Crawford to throw their hats, err, hoods into the ring to oppose the war because they believe it is helping out Israel. As James Kelso, assistant to David Duke and a senior moderator of a website that will go unnamed put it, they are down there to, "let the world know that white patriots were first and loudest to protest this war for Israel. We don't want leftist Johnny-come-latelys who are misleadingly protesting this war – as if the war is about oil (not true), or as if it's right-wing patriots who launched this war (not true) – to hijack the issue from us. We want to challenge these leftists with the fact that their leftist leaders, like Hillary Clinton, are on the same war-for-Israel team as the cowardly Republicans who have been bought and paid for in the Senate, House, White House and media by the Jewish Neocon political machine."
That could be the funniest thing I have read in a while. And I always thought Neocons were the religious fanatics of Christianity not part of the Jewish political machine. But I digress. But to get back to my main point of this whole post, do any of these people actually have jobs?
We are just a couple days until the MTV Video Music Award, the pantheon of all award show. I have already given my predictions (We on Award Tour – MTV VMA Nominations) but I did miss one award because it hadn’t been finalized.
Viewers’ Choice
Snoop Dogg w/Pharrell, "Drop it Like it’s Hot"
Green Day, "American Idiot"
Kelly Clarkson, "Since U Been Gone"
My Chemical Romance, "Helena"
Shakira w/Alejandro Sanz, "La Tortura"
Who I Voted For: Drop it Like it’s Hot
Who Will Win: Since U Been Gone
I think the pseudo-punk of Green Day and My Chemical Romance will cancel each other out and Shakira is a non factor, so this is basically a two man race. On a side note, MTV made a game out of the voting this year, check out their website to play/vote.
But let’s be honest, the VMA’s are not about the awards, c’mon, they gave Jennifer Lopez a Best Hip-Hop moonman, the show is about the performances and a platform to give us things like the triumphant return of Pee-Wee Herman, a Van Halen reunion, and Fartman. With last year’s lackluster show, I fully expect MTV to pull out all the stops to make this year memorable. I have already got wind of the first must see moment, the return to MTV of its greatest personalities, Beavis and Butthead. That alone should make up for last year’s flop. Hear are other things you should expect from the performances:
50 Cent – Medley alert! He has yet to have a big hit off his latest album, so there is going to be a medley of 2-3 of his songs. The performance will be very ghetto, but don’t expect too many people around him as most of his posse got arrested recently. The Game will make an apperence, well not actually the game, but some one posing The Game, who will get punked out by 50. And if we are lucky, a gun fight will ensue and Ashlee Simpson and Lindsay Lohan get caught in the cross fire.
Coldplay – They are there to sing Fix You, and there will be the weird light thing that appears in the video, aside from that, don’t expect much else except for a lecture about maketradefair.com.
Ludacris – At first glance, this seems like an odd choice considering Ludacris didn’t really have a big hit this year, or really ever had a cross-over hit. But her is why Ludacris is there: because Mike Myers will show up during his performance as Austin Powers, who Ludacris wax poetic about during his song #1 Spot. Just remember you heard it her first.
Shakira – This will be much like her performance a couple years back, lots of percussionists and lots of booty shaking, but this year it will be to La Tortura.
Mariah Carey – Expect her to sing the new song her new song, Shake it Off. There will be a lot of back up dancers and most like an appearance by the midget named Jermaine Dupree. Like her Movie Awards performance, this will make for a good bathroom break.
The Killers – The big hit, Mr. Brightside will be on the playlist and hopefully Eric Roberts and the Kate Bosworth look-alike make an appearance too.
Green Day – They will be performing the poignant Wake Me Up When September Ends with images from that video playing in the background. I also have a feeling there will be an encore with Green Day bringing out possibly members of the Ramones to take on Blitzkrieg Pop.
Kelly Clarkson – Medley Alert! Since You Been Gone and Behind These Hazel Eyes will both get some airtime, which can only mean Kelly will be breaking stuff while wearing a wet wedding dress. That could turn out to be entertaining.
Kanye West – The early frontrunner to be the best of show. Kanye will be surrounded by his posse, John Legend, Common, Jamie Foxx while performing his latest hit Gold Digger. After the song comes to a conclusion, Kanye will be the original backpack rappers on stage, A Tribe Called Quest, to do their classic Scenario. Don’t be surprised by a Busta Rhymes appearance her too.
R. Kelly – R. Kelly was just recently announced to be performing, I guess it took a while to get the paperwork done because of that whole thing about Kelly needing permission to leave Illinois. My first thought would be he’s would act out the most talked about song in a while, Trapped in the Closet. But then I realized that it would be silly to do just one chapter and doing all five would take up over 20 minutes. And the other songs on the album haven’t actually caught on. So what we will get to see is the premiere of Trapped in the Closet chapter 6, the next in saga.
But none of this may not happen because the VMA’s might debut a new diva down in Miami named Katrina. And even if she is out of the area by Sunday, she may do enough damage outside that puts a damper on the two-hour pre-show. I originally though Chris Martin would start his performance outside and wonder into the venue like the video, but Katrina most like ruined that idea. As for the opening, I think MTV should mock one of their more famous openings and bring out currently the most entertaining rumored couple, Quentin Terantino and Sharr Jackson, make out and announce, “And people said we wouldn’t last.” Now that’s pure humor.
Jack Johnson's music crept up on me out of nowhere. Without any airplay or video spins, it seemed like every one of my friends all of the sudden became infatuated with him a few years ago. I, too, caught the bug with his laid back approach to music and the best storytelling of this generation. Eventually his albums Brushfire Fairytales and On and On were on heavy rotation on my CD player. It is a good chance that his latest album, In Between Dreams will join the other two.
With the first listen to In Between Dreams, it doesn’t deviate from the style of it predecessors. The songs are sparse, with the Jack on the guitar and unassuming bass and percussion on most tracks with the occasional piano and accordion. And like his previous work, when you close your eyes, you can envision yourself on the beach with your buddies around a bonfire, sipping on some mai-tai’s.
Lyrically, Johnson strives at just lounging around, enjoying life. In the album opener, Better Together, he sings, “Oh the places we got to be we’ll sit beneath the mango tree.” He even tries other to join him in his lounging on Banana Pancakes, “Pretend like it’s the weekend and we can pretend it all the time. Can’t you see that it’s raining, there ain’t no need to go outside.” The best of these songs is Breakdown where Johnson, with nothing better to do, hopes his train breaks down so he can just walk around and enjoy the scenery. I was slightly disappointed when I first heard the song on the album because I originally heard a remixed version by the Handsome Boy Modeling School that I really enjoy. Eventually, I did grow to like this acoustic version of the song.
Johnson has more on his mind than just hanging out with nothing to do. On Good People he ponders “Where’d all the people go?” With the line, “How many train wrecks do we need to see?” seems like knock at all the Osbornes type reality shows, or all reality shows in general for that matter. While the 24-hour news channels seem to be the genesis for the lines, “Bad news misused, got too much to lose. Give me some truth now, who’s side are you on?” The war on Iraq seems to be on his mind on Crying Shame, with lines like “A number of people are numbers that ain’t coming home,” but mankind, itself seems to be the central topic of the song, “By now we should be able to communicate instead of coming to blows.”
As with his pervious albums, Johnson adds some short interludes in between the song, most notably Belle, a song sung mostly in French. Although three years of French and I could only translate one line, “Je ne comprends pas francais (I don’t understand French).” I only remember that because that’s a line I was constantly saying in the class, because, in fact, I didn't understand anything that came out of the teacher's mouth. The album comes to a great conclusion with the mellow Constelllations, a song about laying on you back, on a clear night, sand staring at the stars, just the way you should listen to this album.
Song to Download – Breakdown (Or check out the Handsome Boy Modeling School version of Breakdown)
In Between Dreams gets a ![Terror Alert Level: High [ORANGE]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhebDZ0qqwOVKMZj7oFSUe8Hm3ax54U9Hp1fThJPgiddTyzcdwx_5SV6E3b7hkKyxbaDiym4COmUXT2YJnsKCUjBHI_a2xZtNoY7qFQRslP5AGO5gLkJwn2ZbO0wIF80ycbKrgPPA/s400/small_high.png)
on my Terror Alert Scale.
Earlier this year, Ben Fold’s released a relatively serious album in Songs for Silverman (see my review - If You Wrote Me Off, I'd Understand It) thus leaving the smart-alec pop genre without a leader. First out the cannon to try to grab the crown is Jack’s Mannequin. The band is the brainchild of Something Corporate’s keyboard player, Andrew McMahon. Tommy Lee makes appearance on the album paying back McMahon who contributed to Lee’s recently released Tommyland: The Ride (see my review - I'd Rather Play You on My TV).
Musically, Jack’s Mannequin’s debut album, Everything in Transit, sounds like a combination of early Weezer without the loud guitars mixed with The Beach Boys without the harmonies. The album starts off with Holiday From Real, a bouncy song that could fit on any Ben Folds Five album and anthem for any slacker, “But if you left it up to me, everyday would be a holiday from real.” The next song is a topic very close to my heart, The Mixed Tape. For those who are longtime readers, you have noticed my affinity to mix tapes. Unlike McMahon, I can’t write and perform my feelings, but like him, with a mix tape, “It's like I wrote every note with my own fingers.”
To keep with the nerd rock theme, he pulls a talking interlude during I’m Ready just like Nada Surf did in Popular. And I’m Ready brings up interesting social issues too, “I put on the same clothes I wore yesterday. When did society decide that we had to change and wash a tee shirt after every individual use: If it's not dirty, I'm gonna wear it.” Preach on brother McMahon, I’ve been wondering that for years. At the end of the rant he says, “My life has become a boring pop song and everyone's singing along.” There he is wrong, as he is making some the best pop music in a while ands we should all sing along. The best song to sing along to on the album La La Lie, which talks a fun approach to the musical scale that seem to frequent pop songs. Even when MFEO parts 1 & 2 run for eight minutes, the song never seem to drag on at any point.
One misstep is Dark Blue where the chorus doesn’t come together for me. I can’t get into this song just yet. The slowed down Rescued doesn’t quite fit on the album either. It’s not necessarily a bad song, but it sticks out from the other bouncy songs on the album.
Song to Download – The Mixed Tape
Everything in Transit gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.
Many of you may not be familiar with the name Josh Kelley, but if you have an adult contemporary station on your radio preset, there is a very good chance you have heard his song, Amazing quite frequently. The song was safe and could be enjoyed by soccer moms everywhere. I haven’t heard anything else of his until I heard his latest album, Almost Honest and it rarely deviates from the successful Amazing.
The album starts off with Walk Fast, which sounds like he trying to make into a soul song, but isn’t quite able to pull it off. Same goes for Only You that tries to pull off a funky groove. Kelley attempts to recapture the feeling of Amazing with Love Is Breaking My Heart. That goes pretty well until the song just ends abruptly for no apparent reason. I really hate it when songs do that. The album takes a southern feeling on 20 Miles to Georgia with its slid guitar. Hard Times Happen is another stand out track with its use of a chorus. Kelley also puts on his best Jeff Buckley impersonation during Shameless Heart by repeatedly going falsetto. But, needless to say, he’s no Jeff Buckley.
Lyrically, he comes off as a parody of other balladeers that have come before him. Almost Honest conjures up thoughts of such silly songs as Said I Love You... But I Lied and I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That). In the end the album sound like watered down versions of Kelley’s influences and I cannot recommend buying this album. Well, unless your mom’s birthday is coming up, she’d probably like it.
Song to Download – 20 Miles to Georgia
Almost Honest gets a ![Terror Alert Level: Guarded [BLUE]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzCbHfExiuXqojow1zxkBUX6j-9BHg9IyrfzqR77jnja2Xq6dbv-7iiqMFzp_UKXGcUF9FyAHqCkNxa5uitXa5Xu2Q1OboN9-TLjsaeI1a2eoGLORU4vkTQ54l1C-_cZyn81QHyQ/s400/small_guarded.png)
on my Terror Alert Scale.
I finally got around to catching on of last years most critically acclaimed movies, Sideway. All during awards season, everyone keeps talking how the movie should win or how it got shafted in certain categories. So with all the build up, I had high expectations for the film. And to say I was disappointed would be an understatement.
The film follows two guys around on one last hooray the week before one of their wedding. The major problem with the film is neither male lead is likeable. We first catch them in a lie, then we drinking and driving, then they stop by one of their mother’s because it the day before her birthday. Except the son steals her money then skips out on her before she can wake up on her birthday. So before the first half hour is over, I could care less about the characters. Thing don’t get much better from their when they meet some girls on their getaway.
There are also a lot of scenes that go excruciatingly long while the characters talk excessively about wine. The movie could have been cut an hour off its run time if they cut the unnecessary talk about wine. There was even a wine montage that looked liked like a montage from the Partridge Family. Okay, they like wine, now let’s get on with the movie.
The movie does pick up once the female leads disappear, but it’s never a good sign when the first time you laugh in a comedy is an hour and a half in. I think it is easy to see why movie critics like this movie as the main character is a fail writer, and I’m sure many critics can relate as they probably have a few rejected novels or screenplay cluttering up their closets. And I find it odd how all the movie critics can pan movies like Wedding Crashers for its gratuitous nudity yet their quite a lot of it in Sideways. And referring to Sidways, by nudity, I mean male nudity. Full frontal male nudity. A lot of it. I was beginning to think there was a gay porn that accidentally got edited into the film.
In the end, I can’t see how anyone who isn’t gay homosexual, over the hill, wannabe writer, wine coinsurer could possibly enjoy this movie. And if you fit that description and you decide to watch the movie, be sure to look out for cameos by George Bush and Donald Rumsfield.
Sideways gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.
More proof that my home state of Ohio is quickly becoming the new Florida, my governor, Bob Taft, has recently been charged with ethic violations for not reporting golf outings that were paid for by other people. Oh and the number of golf outings is 30 since he took office in 1999. Now that may seem like a lot of time spent playing gold on other people’s dime, but it’s not like he took a five week vacation to do so. But anyways. In all, Taft accepted 52 gifts totaling $6000. I’m sure Tom DeLay is laughing somewhere and thinking to himself, “If you’re going to accept gifts, go big. And once you accept them, you need to somehow make them seem like campaign contributions.” Taft ended up being charged with four misdemeanors.
These charges have brought out the attack dogs like Columbus mayor, Michael Colman said, “At this critical time for Ohio, we cannot afford one more day in which the governor is preoccupied with these scandals at the expense of a focus on creating jobs, reforming education, and moving Ohio forward," Coleman said. "For this reason, I join the bipartisan chorus that concludes it is in the best interest of the citizens of Ohio that Gov. Taft resign and allow us to begin to move forward from this sad time.”
But Taft is not without his supporters Brian Hicks Taft’s former chief of staff said, “I think he's doing a good job taking responsibility, saying it was his mistake. He publicly apologized in court and afterward, and I think people are going to accept that.” Did I forget to mention that Hicks himself was found guilty of ethics violations about a month ago and was fined $1000. And Hicks isn’t the only employee under Taft who has suffered the same fate (from the Akron Beakon Journal):
- February 2004: Luther Heckman, chairman of the Ohio State Racing Commission, resigns following a report that accused commission members of accepting food, drinks, travel and other improper gifts from racetracks they are charged with overseeing. The report found that more than $8,000 in meals and gifts were given by racetracks to the commission's former executive director, staff members and four of five commissioners.
- September 2003: Richard Frenette, director of the Ohio State Fair, resigns over allegations that he inappropriately accepted gifts from vendors doing business with the fair. In one example, Frenette made $6,020 by selling sports tickets he'd acquired personally - such as Ohio State season tickets - to a Columbus company that buys and resells tickets to sporting and entertainment events.
- August 2002: Taft fires Gino Zomparelli, the three-year executive director of the Ohio Turnpike Commission, after an investigation that concluded he and his staff accepted gifts from contractors so often it became part of the agency's culture.
- July 2002: Randy Fischer, director of the Ohio School Facilities Commission, resigns after questions arose about the way the commission awarded contracts. A judge ruled that Fischer had no authority to approve contracts and that state law required the three-person school facilities commission vote on each contract. Fischer also had acknowledged he accepted free rounds of golf from construction company executives in 1999 and 2001.
Great company you keep Bob.
But alas, this story has a boring outcome. Unlike the strung out cases against Bill Clinton, Bob Kerrey, or the one currently going on against Tom DeLay, the case ended quite quickly. Taft pleaded no contest and was promptly found guilty on all four misdemeanors was ordered to pay $4,000 in fines and $76 in court costs and to apologize to Ohio citizens and of course he avoided any jail time even though he was facing two year (six months for each count). Taft’s mandated apology goes as followed:
“As Governor, I expect all state employees to adhere to the letter and spirit of Ohio's ethics laws. I sincerely regret and apologize for my mistakes. I have learned valuable lessons over the past three months during my cooperation with the Ohio Ethics Commission, and it is my hope and expectation that others in public service will benefit from my experience.”
For a man who pleaded no contest, he sure sounded guilty in his apology e-mail. That's right, he apology was sent electronically to various news outlets across Ohio, not given in person. What a stand up guy. I’m actually glad that I never voted for Taft (whom I lovingly refer to as Bush Light). In fact he was the very first Republican I ever voted against. Taft’s policies, along with Bush’s, have completely ruined this state’s schools. I would gladly join any movement to get Taft impeached, or pull a California, and have a recall election. Hey, maybe we can get a movie star governor too. I wonder what Arnold & Jesse’s Predator
co-star, Carl Weathers, or as I like to call him, Apollo Creed, is doing?
I have to admit I didn’t really give The Killers a chance when they first came out. Went I originally heard Somebody Told Me, I just clumped the band with the other pretentious bands that emanated from New York whom all seem to start the band with “The.” Then when Mr. Brightside came out, again, I really wasn’t feeling it, although I did give the song a chance due to the video featuring Eric Roberts and a Kate Bosworth look-a-like. Eventually the song grew on me, and so did the absurdity of the chorus of Somebody Told Me. And I absolutely love All These Things I’ve Done when I first heard it. Eventually I had the urge to buy their album Hot Fuss. But hear in lies the problem, after dropping $2.97 for those songs on iTunes, I didn’t want to spend another $15 to get the whole album. But this week, the band re-released the album with three additional tracks. Normally I would ream the record companies for such practices like I have in the past (Record People Are Shady I, II, III, IV), but once this worked in my favor. As I strolled to my local Best Buy to pick up the album for $9.99, I noticed you could actually pick up the original release for $13.99. For those keeping track at home, that’s four more dollars for three less song. Thus again proving my assumption the music industry is the worst run business ever.
Hot Fuss, if you haven’t been able to tell by the singles already, is an 80’s synth-pop influenced album, accompanied by mostly absurd lyrics and catchy wordplay like my personal favorite, “I got soul, but I’m not a soldier.” The album starts off with the seriously Jenny Was a Friend of Mine, a song about a lost love, “We had a fight on the promenade out in the rain. She said she loved me, but she had somewhere to go.” This then transitions into the big hit, the upbeat sounding Mr. Brightside. Smile Like You Mean It sounds like something that should be in a Cure tribute album. But the lyrics are more clever than Robert Smith could devise such as, “Save some face, you know you've only got one.”
The wordplay don’t get more absurd than the chorus to the Somebody Told Me, “Well somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year.” It fun to sing along to, but once to realize what you saying it seems creepy. Who want a girlfriend that looked like some chick’s boyfriend? But anyways. For how weird the chorus to All These Things I’ve Done is, the song of itself is a poignant song about redemption, “Over and in, last call for sin. While everyone's lost, the battle is won with all these things that I've done.”
The band goes for over the top bombast with Andy You’re a Star which deals with the popularity of high school as, “Andy, you're a star in nobody's eyes but mine.” The also slow things down for the original album closer Everything Will Be All Right. There was sort of a feud the band had with The Bravery that I never got until I heard Change Your Mind. Brandon Flowers, lead singer of The Killers, has a point for calling the other band copy cats because The Bravery totally ripped off their sound from this song.
As for the new songs the best is Glamorous Indie Rock & Roll which sounds nothing like anything else on the album. The band borrow the crunching guitars from a Coldplay song, but Flowers approaches the singing like that of a British punk band from the late 80’s. The Ballad of Michael Valentine follows the life of a professional gambler around the country but the name has been changed to protect the innocent. Under the Gun goes faster than most of their songs and sort of features the bands mantra in the chorus “Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, again and again.” This song makes a better finish than the original one and is probably a killer when performed live. (Yes the bad pun was intended)
Song to Download – All These Things I’ve Done
Hot Fuss: Limited Edition gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.
I was really excited when I heard Bravo was bringing back The Battle of Network Stars with the small adjustment of The Battle of Network Reality Stars. I vaguely remember as a child the original serious that pitted such luminaries as Scott Baio, Mr. T, and Kojak against one another in cheesy challenges and the games were inexpiably hosted by the king of sport commentary, Howard Cosell. Unfortunately network executive’s egos got in the way and didn’t want their stars on other networks and the stars themselves started getting paid so much, they couldn’t be bothered to run a simple obstacle course. But in the new century, there are plenty of people who are not beneath possibly embarrassing themselves, reality stars. So when the premier of the new version premiered last night, I was there with bells on.
After watching the show, I was thoroughly disappointed with it. I watched expecting to see the old format with network vs. network; instead what we got was a mixed bag of four randomly devised teams with no network affiliation. Yet with the all the randomness, the three teams from The Amazing Race kept their couplings. Also there were some combatants I have never heard of like random chicks from The Swan (I now realized why the show failed because the chick is not at all attractive, I’d hate to see the before picture), The Bachelor, America Next Top Model, Temptation Island, and Bravo tried to sneak two people from their lame reality shows, one from Project Runway and another from Show Biz Moms and Dads. Yet no Gulager, what’s up with that? Then to add a reality twist, the three teams had to vote off at the end of the day. Did they really have to go there? That addition was really unneeded. They also have three sideline reporters, seriously three, Omarosa, Trishelle, and Bachelor Bob. Yet the host of the show is some nobody.
With all that complaining, I have to admit I will continue to watch every episode they air. The highlight of the first show was the alpha male posturing between The Miz and Richard Hatch as who would be their team captain. For my prediction on who will win, I am putting my money on the green team. They have three winners on their team (Chip and Kim from The Amazing Race and Will from Big Brother), they also have Theo who has won multiple Real World/Road Rules challenges. The green is also the only team with only three girls (all the other have four girls and guys each) one of which is Sue Hawk (can we get her a drug test?) but they do have two girly men, Joe Schmo and one of the Average Joes. The Battle of the Network Reality Stars is on Bravo at 9:00 but is repeated constantly throughout the week.
I received an email today from Dannon (the yogart people) reading: With every click, Dannon will contribute $1 to America’s Second Harvest–the Nation’s Food Bank Network. Every $1 donated helps America’s Second Harvest provide 15 meals* to children in need. I’ve made a big deal lately about the poverty in Africa, but we still have a epidemic here in the United States, not necessarily the extreme poverty that if found in Africa, but no child, wherever they are from should go hungry. If this is something you feel you can get behind, go ahead and follow this link to do your small role - Click Here.
I’m a big fan of roast. Seeing comedians, who spend their careers making fun of everyone, get knock down a peg is thoroughly enjoyable. Unfortunately, there has been a rash of roasts lately featuring non comedians like Hugh Hefner on Comedy Central and MTV doing their own roast of Carson Daly. Luckily MTV learned their lesson and haven’t done once since. Comedy Central wasn’t as wise as they recently did a roast of Pamela Anderson. For those who missed it, Pam is loose, Andy Dick is gay, Courtney Love is one year sober (according to her), Tommy Lee has a humongous, well you know, and apparently so does Bea Arthur. Oh, and yes, that was a see-threw shirt she was wearing.
Ironically, watching the roast was just like watching her sex tape, it’s extremely entertaining while watching it, but once it’s over you feel dirty for doing so. I laughed uncontrollably for most of the show, let I can’t remember anything that was actually funny. A lot of vulgarity peppered the show, not that anyone didn’t know what was getting bleeped out. For those who weren’t sure what was being said, Comedy Central is showing an uncensored version late Saturday. As everyone when for the over the top roast, Bea Arthur actually gave the best roast by going minimalist. All she did was read chapters from one of Pam books, and there is nothing more disturbingly funny than Bea Arthur talking threw the voice of a gay character in Pam’s book explaining the best way to enjoy anal sex. That was the only time in my life where I almost threw up while laughing.
As the low lights, some of the lowest included Jeffery Ross saying, “how is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse Kurt Cobain?” Although I did laugh when he referring to Anna Nicole Smith, “Hey, can someone get her a 90 year old (expletive deleted) to suck?” For those keeping track at home, that was two dead husband jokes by Ross. For Love, she stood up and almost bum rushed Ross, and basically anyone who ripped her. When Love got up for her own roast, Jimmy Kimmel said what everyone was thinking, “If this is sober, there is a real problem.” There also a couple “comedians that I’ve never heard of, and most like will never hear from again. Inexplicably, Eddie Griffin was cut from the show to showcase the other stiffs. I’m not sure if Griffin was any better, but I at least knew who he was. Keep in mind there weren’t any no-names at the roast fore Denis Leary.
We also had a musical performance by Tommy Lee. Seriously, a musical performance at a roast that wasn’t trying to be funny, how lame is that? Now had he performed Tired, which I talked about in his album review (I'd Rather Play You on My TV), that may have been more appropriate for a roast. Then Tommy later tried comedy by roasting Pam. What was really disturbing about this was that Lee even pulled out a joke from I used back in high school. After giving complements to his “Blonde wife”, he ended with “Unfortunately Heather Locklear couldn’t be here.” Let me just say, chicks don’t like this joke at all. I would highly advise never to use this joke with your girlfriend, wife, or and female friend. After dropping that line, the recipient didn’t talk to me for a month.
When it comes down to it, if you watch the roast of Pamela Anderson, you will most likely laugh, just schedule to take a shower afterwards. Hopeful Comedy Central will go back to actual comedians for their next roast. That might bring out actual comedians to roast him or her.
This month’s lyrics quiz is culminated from a set of CD’s I’ve made entitled 80’s Dance Party. So this month’s songs are from vol. 1 and part of vol. 2. I’m currently up to 7 vol. (With many more on the way), so there is a good possibility of more 80’s dance themes in upcoming months. The rules are as followed; in the comments section leave the name and artist with the corresponding number. If you are correct, I will unbold the song and give you credit. The person who guesses the most lyrics will be added to the list of winners on my sidebar. Also, in the case of cover songs or songs that have since been covered, I will only accept the 80’s artist who did it as correct. On to the lyrics.
1. So when U call up that shrink in Beverly Hill, U know one Dr. Everything’s Gonna Be All Right. (Let's Go Crazy - Prince - guessed by Meli)2. I see you under the midnight, all shackles and bows. (Magic - The Cars - guessed by Guppyman)3. Buying bread from a man in Brussels. He was six foot four and full of muscles. (Down Under - Men at Work guessed by Luka)4. Made a meal out of me and came back for more. (You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC - guessed by Cap'n Platy)5. With you in that dress my thoughts I confess verge on dirty. (Come on Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners - guessed by Mikeness)6. Go to work in some high rise and vacation down at the Gulf of Mexico. (Pink Houses - John Mellencamp - guessed by Ruby) 7. That’s when she started talking about love, started talking about sin. (Keep Your Hands to Yourself - Georgia Satellites - guessed by Cap'n Platy)8. The road behind was rocky, now you’re getting cocky. (Brake My Stride - Matthew Wilder - guessed by Melissa's in Progress)9. Hush my darling, don’t you cry. Quiet, angel, forget their lies. (Our Lips Are Sealed - The Go-Go's - guessed by Pure Mood)10. Easy operator come a knockin' on my door. (Pour Some Sugar on Me - Def Leppard - guessed by Cap'n Platy)11. Come on baby won’t you show some class, why you want to move so fast? (We Don't Have to Take Our Cloths Off - Jermaine Stewart - guessed by Guppyman)12. Take my tears and that’s not nearly all. (Tainted Love - Soft Cell - guessed by Ruby)13. Your teacher preaches class like you're some kind of jerk. (Fight For Your Right (To Party) - Beastie Boys - guessed by Cap'n Platy)14. I tried my imagination, but I was disturbed. (867-5309/Jenny - Tommy Tutone - guessed by Pure Mood)15. Risin' up, straight to the top, had the guts, got the glory. (Eye of the Tiger - Survivor - guessed by Jessica)16. The night is young and so am I. (Safety Dance - Men Without Hats - guessed by Melissa's in Progress)17. I'm on the hunt I'm after you. (Hungy Like the Wolf - Duran Duran - guessed by Cap'n Platy)18. It’s a big enough umbrella but it’s always me that ends up getting wet. (Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - The Police - guessed by Pure Mood)
19. In the wink of a young girl’s eye. (Glory Days - Bruce Springsteen - guessed by Pure Mood)
20. She was pure like snowflakes no one could ever stain. (Centerfold - J. Geils Band - guessed by Guppyman)
21. When she shines she really shows you all she can. (Rio - Duran Duran - guessed by Luka)
22. If you say run, I’ll run with you. (Let's Dance - David Bowie - guessed by Jessica)
23. She had a pocket full of horses, Trojan and some of them used. (Little Red Corvette - Prince - guessed by Meli)
24. The oil down the desert way has been shakin’ to the top. (Rock the Casbah - The Clash - guessed by Guppyman)
25. When you looked at me I should've run, but I thought it was just for fun. (Vacation - The Go-Go's - guessed by Pure Mood)
And with 5 correct answers Cap'n Plety is your winner. Pure Mood, also with five, almost repeated, but Cap'n beats her in the tie-breaker with guessing his first. Make sure you drop by the 15th of September to see if you can win next month lyrics quiz (or just stop by everyday, there should be something for you to enjoy untill the next quiz).
I’m a huge Adam Sandler fan so much I could quote every line from Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, and The Waterboy for much of the late 90’s. Going into the new millennium, Sandler seem to not be able to decide whether to stick with his sophomoric shtick as with Little Nicky or move into a more sophisticated style as he did in Punch Drunk Love. And of course there is always romantic comedy with Drew Barrymore. His latest trek into the sophisticated realm was Spanglish.
The backdrop of the film is an essay a student has written for her application to Yale. It explains why her mother is the person she most admires and goes on to explain how her mom took her from Mexico and made her the person she was today. The problem with this is that the movie then doesn’t revolve around the young girl yet focuses on the family he mother began to work for upon arriving in America. In fact the girl gets very little screen time in the movie. The family includes Sandler as the dad with an inferiority complex at being the best chef in the country, his wife, played by Téa Leoni, a victim of downsizing who can quite adapt to being a stay at home mom. They have two children, a son who barely makes blip on screen and an overweight daughter played by an actress who tries to pull off the “wise beyond her age” act but isn’t able to do so. Alcoholic grandma also lives with them played perfectly by Cloris Leachman who delivers the best line in the movie, “Honey, lately, your low self-esteem is just good common sense.” That line has entered into my repertoire of insults and can’t wait until I find the perfect time to unleash it.
The movie finally hit its stride when the family movies to a beach house for the summer when Sandler’s family is introduced to the Mexican girl who is forced to move in with them due to distance reasons. Leoni finds in her the daughter she always wanted which causes problem with basically everyone else in the film.
The film is well written finding a balance in-between drama and comedy and also features what was one of the most disturbing sex scenes I have seen in a while. If that ever happen to me, I may have to give up sex for a while. As for the negatives, the movie seems to forget that is it based on an essay and there are many things that I doubt the girl ever knew yet she is able to write about it. Also all the driving scenes it is very obvious that green screens were used and they looked as bad as a SNL skit. A big budget movie should avoid such pitfalls. On the DVD, don’t forget to check out the deleted scenes to see one of the funniest scenes with Leoni’s character preparing for a party. Although the other scenes make you understand why they left out.
Spanglish gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.
25. Only Wanna Be with You – 
14. Testify – 
7. Gett Off – 
For a man who pleaded no contest, he sure sounded guilty in his apology e-mail. That's right, he apology was sent electronically to various news outlets across Ohio, not given in person. What a stand up guy. I’m actually glad that I never voted for Taft (whom I lovingly refer to as Bush Light). In fact he was the very first Republican I ever voted against. Taft’s policies, along with Bush’s, have completely ruined this state’s schools. I would gladly join any movement to get Taft impeached, or pull a California, and have a recall election. Hey, maybe we can get a movie star governor too. I wonder what Arnold & Jesse’s 