I Just Wanna Ride, Just Ride, Sally, Ride

When an actor hits the wrong side of fifty, there are very few choices for him; he could continue trying to be an action hero while trying to hid his wrinkles (see Sylvester Stallone), move behind the camera (see Clint Eastwood) or out of the business all together (see The Governator). But the most popular option is for an actor to make light of his oldness in some sort of mid-life crisis flick. Sometimes it is executed successfully (see city slickers) and then there is Wild Hogs.

The premise is paint by numbers; four buddies are hitting middle age and things are not working out the way they thought it would. John Travolta (Welcome Back Kotter) is in the middle of a divorce from his sugar momma. Tim Allen (Home Improvement) is too obsessed with his job. Martin Lawrence (Martin), is married to his former arch nemesis from his sitcom who want him to give up his dream of making a How To book to get back to work. And then there is William H. Macy (Pleasantville) the token klutz of the group.

Once they all decide they need more adventure in their lives, they all decide to take their motorcycles all the way to the Pacific with no maps, GPS, or cell phones. But it is when the group ends up in a New Mexico biker bar does the movie goes into movie cliché overload. If you cannot write the ending of the movie when the antagonists show up, led by Ray Liotta (Field of Dreams) and Zeke from Lost, you must not have seen too many movies.

The film does manage a few laughs throughout, none of which include the numerous naked dudes (seriously how is this PG-13), but it is never a good sign when the best ones are reserved for the afterthought that runs during the credits. And don’t expect to care about the big surprise guest appearance at the end of the movie unless you yourself are over fifty. In fact if you are under fifty, just stay away from the movie and its inevitable sequels.

Wild Hogs gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Feed Your iPod vol. 3: Passin' Me By

Whenever creating a list of songs to include in a Lyrics Quiz I try to run a fine line of songs or lyrics that aren’t so easy that the first person can answer all of them and song or lyrics that are so obscure no one would get them. Every once and a while I’ll throw in one of my eclectic favorites to see if anyone will get it. So I was happy to see that Doug was able to pick out Passin' Me By from the Pharcyde during the latest Lyrics Quiz (which still has a couple left, plus some hints I added). I was so happy to see he get it that I was willing to overlook he somehow was also able to get Iesha and Live and Learn, two songs that probably should be forgotten by history.

In a time when gansta rap ruled, the Pharcyde were the rare old school cats that came out of South Central. And among all the braggadocios, they managed a minor hit about not getting the girl, something I was familiar with at the time. I even pulled out the line, “the only lying I would do is in the bed with you” to no avail. I even got to see the troop live when they came to my campus (and really, you have never lived until you heard the like version of Gangsta’s Paradise) where I picked up one of my favorite tour shirts with a dog having its way with a fire hydrant.

Passing Me By is easily in my top five rap songs of all time with its love lorn lyrics over a mix of Quincy Jones and Jimi Hendrix tracks. Take a listen for yourself below (sorry for the poor quality of the song, you’d think the record company would put up a much higher quality version):

Passin' Me By - The Pharcyde




Got a song you think everyone should feed their iPods? Send me an e-mail (see sidebar) along with a short paragraph why people should download it and/or what it means to you and maybe I will feature it in a future post. This segment is meant to highlight songs that may have slipped thought the cracks when released or maybe album tracks that you think should have been released as a single. So no Born in the U.S.A., Big Pimpin', or Your Body Is a Wonderland needed.

You’re Part of My Entity

For most of the summer I have decried Umbrella by Rihanna as one of the worst songs ever in the history of recorded music. Back in May I said “Rihanna is good for at least one good song per album. But Umbrella definitely isn’t going to be that one for her upcoming release.” (see Don't Download These Videos vol. XVI) Then in June after calling the chorus annoying I added, “Seriously, how could no one, from the writer, producer, anyone at the label or Rihanna herself not hear that chorus and think, ‘yeah, that doesn’t work.’” (see Now That it's Raining More than Ever) But my hated for the song started to loosen up as I mentioned last week about the absurd rumor that the song is a euphemism for a lady’s kootchiepop.

Well it may be time to break out some crow because I am beginning to straight out like this song. Well not Rihanna’s overproduced version with her grating vocals, over exaggerated hip-hop beat and an unnecessary cameo from Jay-Z, but instead two cover versions that are currently floating around cyber space.

Yesterday I received a message from my good friend Mandy Moore suggesting I check out her version of the song that she did for Yahoo’s Cover Art. And since I’d certainly like to stand underneath her Umbrella (ella-ella-eh-eh-eh) I went to check it out. Ms. Moore takes everything wrong with the original and fixes them, so gone is Jay-Z, the hip-hop beat is replaced with a soothing acoustic sound that brings out the romantic lyrics to forefront (well assuming that the songs isn’t actually about, um, you know what), and softens the annoying ella-ella-eh-eh-eh part. Oh, and Mandy has a much better voice. Check it out for yourself below:





And Mandy isn’t the only one reworking Umbrella. Earlier this week in my normal Tuesday routine of checking out what’s new in the iTunes store I came across some chick named Marié Digby who has a new song that happened to be called Umbrella. I had to check out the 30 preview to see if it was in fact the same song, which it was. And after some research it turns out she is one of those annoying YouTubers who upload them singing other people song which I avoid because, much like I avoid American Karaoke, if these people were any good they wouldn’t need the internet, or reality show, to get a record deal. But even though Digby certainly won’t be winning any singing competitions anytime soon, her version, slightly faster than Mandy’s, is much better than the original. Check out her performance on Carson Daily (sorry you have to sit threw some Carson taking first) and you can download Marié Digby’s version of Umbrella here:




And in a completely unrelated note last week I got an e-mail about a new documentary by Leonardo DiCaprio called the 11th Hour about the impending climate crisis. So if you wanted to see An Inconvenient Truth but were like me and had absolutely no desire to see Al Gore talk about a bunch of slide for ninety minutes, this may be the film for you. The movie opens tomorrow in New York and Los Angeles, next week in selected cities and August 31 nationwide. Below is the trailer and you can check out the website at 11thhouraction.com:

Lyrics Quiz: Back to School

Over the next couple weeks some of you will be heading back to school, sending your kids off to school, or laughing at those that will ushered onto a school bus (all the while secretly wishing you were back in college where you actually had the time for eight hour Madden sessions all the while drunk on the cheapest beer you could find). So here are some lyrics that should get you back into the learning. And for those going off to school or sending the little ones, you will need to something to carry them in and Jansport, in conjunction with Facebook are giving away a backpack every day through September 19 with a grand prize of a trip for four to the Grande Canyon (see below for a press release).






As for the Lyrics Quiz, please post your guesses, title and artist, in the comment section (or e-mail me) and if you are correct I will unbold the lyric and give you credit. The Lyrics Quiz is for entertainment purposes only so please do not use anything besides your own meandering mind to help you up with the answers. Now onto the Lyrics Quiz:

Hints:
15. There is a good chance that the members of this band got sand on their letterman jackets.
16. This person has made two albums, with a third on the way, with themes on higher learning.


1. Hook me up with new evolution because this one is a lie. (Learn to Fly - Foo Fighters; guessed by Dara)
2. Well I never lived the dream of the prom kings and the drama queens. I’d like to think the best of me is still hiding up my sleeve. (No Such Thing - John Mayer; guessed by Dara)
3. Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell.  (We're Going to Be Friends - The White Stripes;  guessed by Chris Fields)
4. Mama looked down and spit on the ground ever time her name gets mentioned. The cop said, “Oy, if I get that boy I’m gonna stick him in the house of detention. (Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard - Paul Simon; guessed by KK)
5. B boys and girls listen up: you can be anything in the world, in God we trust. An architect, doctor maybe an actress. But nothing comes easy, it takes much practice. (I Can - Nas; guessed by Doug)
6. No dark sarcasm in the classroom. (Another Brick in the Wall part 2 - Pink Floyd; guessed by Dara)
7. I was just guessing at numbers and figures, pulling your puzzles apart. (The Scientist - Coldplay; guessed by Dara)
8. Brenda and Eddie were the popular steadies and the kind and queen of the prom. (Scenes From an Italian Restaurant - Billy Joel; guessed by Dara)
9. At the playground, ya know, that’s where I saw this cutie. This girl was swingin’ and she looked so fly. On the monkey bars, we climbed up to the top and she touched my hand that's when I fell in love. (Iesha - Another Bad Creation; guessed by Doug)
10. Young teacher the subject of schoolgirl fantasy. (Don't Stand So Close to Me - The Police; guessed by Dara)
11. Some drop science well I’m dropping English. (Express Yourself - N.W.A.; guessed by Doug)
12. My Best friend took a weeks vacation to forget her. This girl took a week’s worth a Valium and slept. (The Freshmen - The Verve Pipe; guessed by Dara)
13. Egypt was troubled by the horrible asp. Mr. Charles Darwin had the gull to ask. (Man on the Moon - R.E.M.; guessed by R.E.M.)
14. When I went to school I carried lunch in a bag with an apple for my teacher ‘cause I knew I’d get a kiss. Always got mad when the class was dismissed. (Passing Me By - The Pharcyde; guessed by Doug)
15. I got a letterman’s sweater with a letter in front I got for football and track. I’m proud to wear it now. When I cruise around the other parts of the town I got my decal in back.16. The concept of school seems so secure. Sophomore three years ain’t picked a career.  (All Falls Down - Kanye West;  guessed by Chris Fields)
17. Reading, writing, and arithmetic are the branches of the learning tree. (ABC - The Jackson; guessed by KK)
18. I think of all the education that I missed but then again my homework was never quite like this. (Hot for Teacher - Van Halen; guessed by Dara)
19. Next day’s function, high class lunch-in. Food is served and you’re stone cold munchin’. (Bust a Move - Young MC; guessed by Dara)
20. The ends justify the means, that’s the system. I learned that in school then I dropped out. (New Jack Hustler - Ice-T; guessed by Doug)
21. It’s late September and I really should be back to school. (Maggie May - Rod Stewart; guessed by Dara)
22. You raise a little kid, he turns out bold. It may be from the way you treat him cold. I guess that's how the story’s told. (Live and Learn - Joe Public; guessed by Doug)
23. You didn’t know what rock ‘n’ roll was until you met my drummer on a grade school bus. (Once Bitten, Twice Shy - Great White; guessed by Dara)
24. Inevitably the first day of school came. I thought I could get over, I tried to play sick. But my mom said, “No, no way, uh-uh forget it.” (Parents Just Don't Understand - D.J. Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince; guessed by Dara)
25. I had a friend who was a big baseball player back in high school. He could throw that speed ball by ya, may you look like a fool boy. (Glory Days - Bruce Springsteen; guessed by Dara)






Enter to Win The Big Student Fall Break Sweepstakes
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JanSport is giving everyone a chance to win this pack and a much needed Fall Break trip with their Big Student Fall Break Sweepstakes . Grand prize is a trip for 4 to the Grand Canyon , including flight, lodging, entrance fees, ground transportation and meal costs. Runners up can bag a prize too with JanSport's Big Student Pack Giveaway —giving away one Big Student pack a day through September 19th.

Now, how to enter: JanSport has partnered with Facebook.com to launch their Big Student Pack. To find out more about this awesome pack and enter to win the Big Student Fall Break Sweepstakes, log onto www.jansport.com/bigstudent, then click the Facebook logo and log in or sign up for Facebook and join the JanSport: Go Big group —it's that simple!

Listen to Me, You Pull Me Apart

When reviewing the full length debut Room Noises from the family band, four siblings and one neighbor on bass, Eisley, I closed out my review, “I expect big things from Eisley in the future.” (see You Humor Me Today) The album then went on to land at number four of the Best Albums of 2005. Since the release of the album, the band has been touring, getting married and completed the DuPree only lineup by replacing the neighbor with a cousin to play bass.

But those expectations of big this is what makes the follow up, Combinations a let down. Where Room Noises was a breath a fresh air with melodic songs as a backdrop of plush melodies of the two lead singers, Combinations is just a rehash of the first album with songs only as good as the middle of the road ones on the debut. Not one song here comes close to the emotional punch of Marvelous Things or Telescope Eyes. Not to mention it is hard to ask put down over ten dollars for an album that barely breaks the half an hour mark.

With that said, Combinations isn’t a bad album. It starts off with Many Funerals, a driving song where the all dudes rhythm section on drums and bass add to the darker theme that the band didn’t explore on previous albums. Taking Control is a bouncing ditty which could be an instant sing-a-long at concerts. While Come Clean concludes with a family chorus.

The group did look like they took a different approach to writing this time around. Where the first album was littered with mythical themes about Sea Kings and bats with butterfly wings, it looks like all the marriages and engagements in the band has taken them in a more personal subject matter this time around touching on death (More Funerals) and a lot about love (I Could Be There for You, the title track). For those that prefer the more out there lyrics, there is Invasion that has a very celestial feel to it.

Even though the band didn’t seem to live up to the potential of the first album, hopefully Combinations is just your patented sophomore slum and the big break out album will be coming shortly.

Song to Download - Taking Control

Combinations gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

You Know What Time it Is

From the first inception of the Roast, there hasn’t been an easier target than Flavor Flav. If fact the only easier targets out there would be Paris Hilton and George Bush (who was mentioned three times last night, my favorite: “You treat birth control like George Bush treats the constitution - you pretend it doesn't exist”). So naturally the Comedy Central Roast of Flavor Flav was the funniest in recent year, not that it had much competition after the Pamela Anderson and William Shatner failed to deliver any laughs. I guess some of the credit goes to Flav himself who laughed at ever single joke like he was sitting through a Richard Prior concert film. He was even the only one laughing when Jimmy Kimmel made his Chris Benoit comment. Hopefully ABC took note of this and yanks his show, seriously, is this any worse than Bill Maher comments that got him canceled?

And really you know a Roast is going to be good when even Greg Gerardo can get a laugh. Um except for went he went after Ice-T. I don’t care if it is a Roast, you don’t make fun of Ice-T. If Greg is conspicuously absent from next year’s Roast, I think we all know what happened. Well not that anyone would notice he was missing. But even though everyone else killed, well except for Brigitte Neilson, Lisa Lampanelli who once again remained unfunny even with the easiest target. And seriously, someone needs to teach that girl how to cross her leg. And whenever someone made fun of her, she actually laughed harder than Flav.

Even though this was one of the better Roasts that most lately it was still bogged down a little by things that brought down previous Roasts. First and foremost is that each Roaster tries to out ranch the previous one. You really don’t need every other word bleeped to be considered funny. Also the Roasters again spend way too much time on each other than the actual Roastee. There may have been more jokes about Neilson than Flav this year just like in past years when Sulu, Bea Arthur and Andy Dick took more abuse than the person they were supposed to be Roasting.

If you missed the Roast or would just like to see it again, head over to ComedyCentral.com to see uncensored clips included the unaired Lil’ Bush segment which was actually funnier than anything that was on his show. You can also download The Uncensored Roast of Flavor Flav in its entirety from iTunes.


And I would be remised if I didn’t bring up Chapter 13 of Trapped in the Closet. I have to admit after waiting a year and a half it was a bit of a letdown. Maybe it is just because it is a transition chapter before Sylvester and Twan get to wherever they are going, but I think we may have to brace ourselves just in case Trapped in the Closet takes a Lost season two type nosedive in terms a quality. But at least Kells did have one great line which my censors won’t allow me to repeat here but I will say it was the one when he brought up a fish.

Slacker Cats: Press Release

If you are like me, tomorrow you will be glued to the computer screen watching the latest installment of Trapped in the Closet on a loop all day. But for those that can pull themselves away from the Balled of Rufus and Chuck (or Bridget and the Midget, couldn’t R. Kelly at least give a hint of who the next chapter will focus on) Monday also sees the debut of the latest show from ABC Family, Slacker Cats which debuts at 10:00. But don’t expect to watch this show during breakfast as the show looks to be more Adult Swim than the Saturday morning one we remember from our youth. And really, I can’t imagine how elated Pat Robertson will be to finally have a original series lead into his 700 Club instead of the usual Mary-Kate and Ashley movie of the week.

As for the show itself, I’m not sure if I can get into a show that features cats with belly button rings. Now I try to stay as far away from cats as much as possible, but I am pretty sure cats do not have belly buttons. Plus the cast is pretty hit or miss, on one hand you have Emo Phillips (UHF) and on the other is Sinbad (A Different World) And adult cartoons are pretty hit (South Park) or miss (Lil' Bush) in general. I guess I’ll give it a try because I will be tearing myself away from Kells (hopefully) newest masterpiece to watch out the latest episode of Greek and I’ll give Slacker Cats a chance afterwards. You can check out the official Slacker Cats website here, download Slacker Cats on iTunes, and below is the press release for the show and a promo:

ABC Family makes its first foray into animation with “Slacker Cats,” an outrageous and decidedly grown up series about a group of cats and the humans from whom they free-load. Buckley and Eddie are two buddy felines who hilariously slack their way through various unimpressive adventures in the town of Wendell. All the cats can talk to the humans and vice versa, and no-one in this universe thinks that at all strange.

The half-hour primetime animated comedy series “Slacker Cats,” features the voices of stand-up comic Harland Williams, actress Kiersten Warren (“Desperate Housewives”), legendary cult stand-up comic Emo Philips, actress/comedian Nicole Sullivan (“MADtv”), actress/comedian Niecy Nash (“Reno 911!”), actress/comedian Alex Borstein (“MADtv,” “Family Guy”), actor/comedian Greg Pitts and renowned actor/comedian Sinbad.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. XXXI

Big News of the Week: More Rumors: If there is one think I hate about the internet it is how rumor become facts almost instantly. There was another one that popped up this week that will go unmentioned because it doesn’t deserve any more ink (or virtual ink as you may). When on the internet I rarely stray from big name site like ESPN or MSNBC yet I saw this rumor just spread like wildfire everywhere else. Just to show you how bad it was, my mom actually mentioned it this week. The actress at the center of the rumor was even on the Late Late Show Thursday and the rumor wasn’t even mentioned wasn’t even mentioned in the part I saw (my tape cut off because an unannounced half hour Master special pushed back the show, stupid CBS). So to all that posted about this and like rumors, when the next one inevitably makes the rounds, just think of the Timex Social Club song before you spread it.

Greek: Wow, they actually gave Lonelygirl15 more than one line. He character is easily the most entertaining on the show so hopefully she continues to get more screen time, but they hooked her up with Rusty a little too soon. He did a little too quick of a U-turn from trying to get far away from her just minutes earlier. And hopefully his roommate makes more appearances at Kappa Tau because he trying to convert Spitter’s brothers could be great. Not so great continues to be Casey and Evan. Why should we root for a couple who cheated on each other when we first met them? Download the current season of Greek on iTunes.

Rescue Me: Well I was wrong that Lou would end up getting the baby, but it is doubtful that Janet will let Sheila keep the kid so he may get it eventually. But that was a really creepy start of the episode with the fire in Tommy’s head although the chief was conspicuously missing. I wonder if he will ever show up again after his vocal comments out the door. And does the fire mean that is the last we will see of his brother and cousin?



The Knights of Prosperity: Oh Rockefeller Butts, how have I missed you? The gang was still in fine form, but who knew Ray Romano was funny. Had I known this maybe I would have watched Everybody Loves Raymond. His “serious” acting was classic. Coming in a close second though was Gary sing Summergirls in his cab (see below) and you can still watch the whole season at ABC.com.



Pirate Master: I’m definitely ready for this to end. I am getting to the point of not caring who wins. Watch the current season of Pirate Master on Innertube.


Pick of the Week: Trapped in the Closet, All Week, IFC: It has been too long since the last installment of Trapped in the Closet leaving us pondering such questions as how does the cop know Chuck and Rufus? Who send the Midget that he didn’t want to give up even though the cop had a gun in his face? How does the narrator fit into all of this? Why was Twan in jail? Where did R. Kelly get the inspiration for the overweight southern white woman (which is the highest of all high comedy)? But for the next two weeks we get a new chapter debuting everyday over at IFC.com/trapped. I am a little worried that Kells will be going overboard as he already plays two characters, Sylvester and the Narrator, and from the preview it looks like he raided Eddie Murphy’s closet and will be playing even more characters this time around. But really as long as the next chapters are just half as good as the previous one’s I’ll be happy. Over at the website you can currently review the previous chapters and check out the character map (should I know who Roxanne is?). And once again here is the recap/preview Chapter 12.5 to hold you over until Monday:

The Best of Public Enemy

As I mentioned when I inducted Fear of a Black Planet (see My Home Is Your Home So Welcome to the Terrordome) into the Scooter Hall of Fame, it is a shame that anyone born after 1985 probably thinks of Flavor Flav as some reality television lifer instead of the greatest hypeman ever for the seminal rap group Public Enemy. That most likely won’t change anytime soon with the announcement that Flav is currently casting even more hood rats for the third season of Flavor of Love as well as being the guest of honor at the latest Comedy Central Roast (which hasn’t been all that entertaining in recent years) airing this Sunday at 10:00. So to show those youngsters just how great his group was and to remind those who where born before 1985, here is a list of the greatest Public Enemy songs ever that fit nicely on a Mix CD clocking in at 78:45. If you think I left something out feel free to tell me what you would have put on and what song it would replace.


1. Bring the Noise - Less Than Zero Soundtrack (1987)
2. Don’t Believe the Hype - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (1988)
3. Rebel Without a Pause - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (1988)
4. Night of the Living Baseheads - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (1988)
5. Fight the Power - Do the Right Thing Soundtrack (1989)
6. Welcome to the Terrordome - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
7. Brothers Gonna Work it Out - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
8. Burn Hollywood Burn (featuring Ice Cube and Big Daddy Kane) - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
9. 911 Is a Joke - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
10. Can’t Do Nuttin’ for Ya, Man! - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
11. Can’t Truss It - Apocalypse 91… The Enemy Strikes Black (1991)
12. Shut ‘em Down - Apocalypse 91… The Enemy Strikes Black (1991)
13. By the Time I Get to Arazona - Apocalypse 91… The Enemy Strikes Black (1991)
14. Bring tha Noise (featuring Anthrax) - Apocalypse 91… The Enemy Strikes Black (1991)
15. Give it Up - Muse Sick-n-Hour Mess Age (1994)
16. He Got Game (featuring Stephen Stills) - He Got Game Soundtrack (1998)
17. Son of a Bush - Revolverlution (2002)
18. MKLVFKWR - Bring That Beat Back (featuring Moby) - Unity: the Official Athens 2004 Olympics Games Album (2004)

I Want My Music Television vol. I

As I mentioned in the last Don’t Download These Videos, I have retired the name to avoid any confusion on the quality of the videos featured. I had actually planned on calling this feature I Want My Music Television until the “Weird Al” Yankovic inspired me to go with something different. And I promise that I Want My Music Television will be a Chocolate Rain free zone. I won’t even feature the John Mayer Remix. Even though there is a name change I advise you to watch the videos before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


D.A.N.C.E. - Justice



When the nominations for this years VMA’s were released there were very few surprises because MTV in recent years has traded nominations in exchange for the big names to perform, present, or at the very least walk the red carpet. Really the only big shock this year was this video from Justice which after watching it definitely deserved it. Granted I doubt the song will be getting an award anytime soon.


Young Folks - Peter Bjorn and John



The only other surprise this year, to a less extent was this wacky song and video by Swedes Peter Bjorn and John for Best New Artist. When I first heard the song I though we had this year’s Crazy, but alas the song has yet to catch on despite anyone who has heard it has inevitably found themselves whistling the song including Kanye West who sampled the song on a recent mix tape. Mmm, sounds like a great surpise guest performance at this year’s festivities.


Hold On - KT Tunstall



In the two and a half years I have been reviewing albums, there have only been four that have gotten the prestigious Extreme on my Terror Alert Scale. KT Tunstall scored one of them with Eye to the Telescope (see Her Face Is the Map of the World). So she has a lot to live up to with her new disk Dramatic Fantastic coming out in September. Unfortunately the first single really isn’t as good as anything on her first album. Maybe the song will grow on me and there are better songs coming. As for the video, I guess I was too harsh on her choice of wardrobe for Live Earth because it was much better than her futuristic getup here.


During my discussion on the Monster Single of the Year for this year’s VMA’s I mentioned that Rockstar by Nickelback should have been nominated and mentioned I would talk about it later. This was because I was saving my thoughts for this post so I feature the video. Except between then and now Roadrunner Records has taken down all the videos down. Just another case of Record People being Shady. Of course the big irony is Roadrunner Records being all uppity on copyright infringement considering that they stole their name from a cartoon. Hopefully Loony Tunes takes that irony even further by suing the record company. But anyways. If you want to catch out the video you can view it at iFilm (unfortunately they won’t let you embed it) and here are my original thoughts on the video:

Let’s get this out of the way first: Nickelback sucks massively. They are everything that is wrong with rock music today. They pander to bored housewives who at one time tried to get a hand on a member of Poison and now resign to driving their hoodlums to their soccer games but listen to Nickelback now because they are safe enough to listen around those hoodlums or at PTA meetings. With that said, despite being played every time I have turned on the radio for the past two months, I still chuckle every time I hear Rockstar. And the video makes me like the song even more. I don’t know why but whenever band get other people to lip sync their songs it is always entertaining, especially when they thrown in a token old chick, yet the dude from ZZ Top reprises some of his lines. Then the video even throws in random cameos from Wayne Gretzky, Paul Wall, Chuck Liddell, Kid Rock, Nelly Furtado, Grant Hill, Ted Nugent, and even Faith the Vampire Slayer makes an appearance (Eliza, where have you been, we miss you). But the best cameos are the semi-ironic ones with Gene Simmons, who embodies the sarcastic tone of the song as well as Hef’s girlfriends as the song doesn’t put the Playboy bunnies in such a good light.

Big Head Barry and the Monsters: 756

It is hard to write something on a day like today so I will just man up and congratulate Big Head Barry on his asterisk. One of my heroes, Michael Wilbon was actually able to write something on the subject, so head over to his column to read that: Tarnished Records Deserve an Asterisk. Now if you excuse me, I have to go pray Alex Rodriguez hits 257 home runs tonight.

We on Award Tour: 2007 MTV Video Music Awards Nominations

The MTV Music Video Awards: once was the cream of the crop of all awards show now it is barely the most entertaining award show on its own network. Yeah this could be because of poor choices of hosts. No host announced for this year (yet?) but Timbaland has been named the music maestro whatever that means. There were some huge shake ups in the categories this year with a significantly less number of them than before including the category that were voted on by the fans, Viewers Choice and the MTV2 Award. Also gone are all the genre categories, so no rap, hip-hop, r&b, rock and pop. Although this year you can vote for the Best New Artist here. Also it looks like this year most of the categories are more about a portfolio of work rather than a specific video by an artist, a change I hate because it puts more focus on the artist instead of the video. But anyways.

The show airs September 9th and as part as being the music maestro Timbaland got to picvck the performers that will include himself (naturally), Chris Brown, Fall Out Boy, Foo Fighters, Rihanna, Kanye West, and Amy Winehouse. Lily Allen is also scheduled to perform but considering her work visa got yanked she may have to do so via satellite. Also Mark Ronson with be the house DJ this year. Now here are this year’s nominees:


Video of the Year
Amy Winehouse - Rehab
Beyoncé - Irreplaceable
Justice - D.A.N.C.E.
Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around ...
Kanye West - Stronger
Rihanna (featuring Jay-Z) - Umbrella

Who Will Win: What Goes Around…
Who Should Win: Stronger
Should Have Been Nominated: Signal Fire - Snow Patrol

Timberlake and Beyoncé so conventional wisdom says one of them will take home the biggest prize, not that either deserve it. Yeah What Goes Around… was entertaining in a they were actually taking it seriously kind of way but it doesn’t even rank in the top ten of the past year. But to look on the bright side, if either win Kanye just may storm the stage.


Male Artist of the Year
Akon - Don't Matter, I Wanna Love You (featuring Snoop Dogg), Smack That (featuring Eminem)
Kanye West - Can't Tell Me Nothing, Stronger, Classic (Better Than I've Ever Been - DJ Premier remix, featuring Nas, KRS-One and Rakim)
Justin Timberlake - Let Me Talk To You/ My Love, SexyBack (featuring Timbaland), What Goes Around ...
T.I. - Big Things Poppin' (Do It), You Know What It Is (featuring Wyclef Jean), What You Know
Robin Thicke - Can U Believe, Lost Without U, Wanna Love You Girl (remix, featuring Busta Rhymes and Pharrell)

Who Will Win: Kanye West
Who Should Win: Kanye West
Should Have Been Nominated: Common

Here is my big complaint on the multiple videos thing; if Akon were to win do Snoop Dogg and Eminem get an award too or even allowed on stage? They may just give this to Kanye to appease him from getting too upset.


Female Artist of the Year
Amy Winehouse - Rehab, You Know I'm No Good
Beyoncé - Irreplaceable, Beautiful Liar (featuring Shakira)
Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry (Personal), Glamorous (featuring Ludacris), Fergalicious (featuring Will.I.Am)
Nelly Furtado - Maneater, Say It Right
Rihanna - Umbrella (featuring Jay-Z)

Who Will Win: Beyoncé
Who Should Win: Beyoncé
Should Have Been Nominated: Lily Allen

It is a shame that Lily Allen isn’t included here because her trio of videos are more entertaining than any other anything else on this list, most of which are downright boring. Of course MTV would rather nominate the bigger stars in exchange for them to show up at the awards to perform or present. And did MTV run a test to make sure Fergie belongs in this here?


Best New Artist
Amy Winehouse - Rehab, You Know I'm No Good
Carrie Underwood - Before He Cheats
Gym Class Heroes - Clothes Off, Cupid's Chokehold/ Breakfast in America
Lily Allen - Alfie, Smile, LDN
Peter Bjorn and John - Young Folks

Who Will Win: Gym Class Heroes
Who Should Win: Lily Allen
Should Have Been Nominated: Cold War Kids

It is odd that Underwood only has one video listed because she has released five videos off here album. Of course that is almost as odd as here getting a nomination at all because 1) her album was released a year and a half ago, 2) she doesn’t appeal to MTV’s core demographic. I wonder if she has ever been played on the channel. Again, you can vote for the Best New Artst. I am not going to say who you should vote for, but be sure you vote for Lily Allen


Best Group
Fall Out Boy - This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race, Thnks Fr Th Mmrs
Gym Class Heroes - Clothes Off, Cupid's Chokehold/ Breakfast in America
Linkin Park - What I've Done
Maroon 5 - Makes Me Wonder
White Stripes - Icky Thump

Who Will Win: Gym Class Hero
Who Should Win: Linkin Park
Should Have Been Nominated: Arctic Monkeys

This will most likely come down to Fall Out Boy and Gym Class Heroes but I think it will go to the latter signifying the end of the Fall Out Boy era. Hooray. As for quality it comes down to Linkin Park and the White Stripes, with LP having a slight edge.


Most Earthshattering Collaboration
Akon (featuring Eminem) - Smack That
Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar
Justin Timberlake (featuring Timbaland) - SexyBack
Gwen Stefani (featuring Akon) - The Sweet Escape
U2 (featuring Green Day) - The Saints Are Coming

Who Will Win: Beyoncé and Shakira
Who Should Win: U2 (featuring Green Day)
Should Have Been Nominated: Mark Ronson (featuring Lily Allen) - Oh My God

In an attempt to remain cool we get lame category names like Eathshattering. Yawn. You are showing your age MTV. And don’t ask me why all the videos are “featuring” someone except the Beyoncé and Shakira one.


Quadruple Threat of the Year
Beyoncé
Bono
Jay-Z
Justin Timberlake
Kanye West

Who Will Win: Justin Timberlake
Who Should Win: Bono
Should Have Been Nominated: Scooter McGavin

What does this even mean and why should we care?


Monster Single of the Year
Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend
Daughtry - Home
Fall Out Boy - Thnks Fr Th Mmrs
Lil Mama - Lip Gloss (No Music)
T-Pain (featuring Yung Joc) - Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin')
Timbaland (featuring Keri Hilson, D.O.E. and Sebastian) - The Way I Are
MIMS - This Is Why I'm Hot
Plain White T's - Hey There, Delilah
Rihanna (featuring Jay-Z) - Umbrella
Shop Boyz - Party Like A Rock Star

Who Will Win: Umbrella
Who Should Win: Hey There, Delilah
Should Have Been Nominated: Rockstar (Nickelback)

Just to show how out of touch I am with the current MTV generation (keep in mind I was part of the original generation), six of the ten nominations have a very good chance of showing up on my Worst Songs of 2007 list. And the other four won’t be charting very high on my 100 Best Songs of 2007 list either if at all. And can the Fall Out Boy single really be considered a “Monster” single? And why are the Video Awards honoring single? Well I guess it is better than the ring tone catagory last year. I could easily rattle off at least ten song that were bigger hits this past year. As for Nickelback, I am going to talk more about this song tomorrow (or by Friday at the latest).


I am not really one to comment on the technical awards but here are those:

Best Director
Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar (director - Jake Nava)
Christina Aguilera - Candyman (directors - Matthew Rolston and Christina Aguilera)
Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around ... (director - Samuel Bayer)
Kanye West - Stronger (director - Hype Williams)
Linkin Park - What I've Done (director - Joseph Hahn)
Rihanna (featuring Jay-Z) - Umbrella (director - Chris Applebaum)


Best Editing in a Video
Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar (editor - Jarett Figl)
Gnarls Barkley - Smiley Faces (editor - Ken Mowe)
Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around ... (editor - Hollee Singer)
Kanye West - Stronger (editors - Peter Johnson and Corey Weisz)
Linkin Park - What I've Done (editor - Igor Kovalik)


Best Choreography in a Video
Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar (choreographer - Frank Gatson)
Chris Brown - Wall To Wall (choreographers - Rich & Tone and Flii Styles)
Ciara - Like A Boy (choreographer - Jamaica Craft)
Eve - Tambourine (choreographer - Tahesha Scott)
Justin Timberlake - My Love (choreographer - Marty Kudelka)