Remember the catchphrase from what I think was the eighth installment of the Lethal Weapon franchise when Danny Glover (or was it Mel Gibson) said, “I’m getting too old for this (expletive deleted)!” Well that is how I have felt after ever Video Music Awards since, um, when was the last time Chris Rock hosted? But I thought this year was different when the show was announced thanks to scheduled performers Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse. Apparently MTV got word of this and since they have been trying very hard to keep anyone that is actually older than they are, both ended up not being able to make it to the show.
And so went the interest as most anyone who isn’t a fourteen year old white girl that still thinks Fall Out Boy are cool. But in the end I guess it is good that neither made it because they probably would have just been relegated to singing for thirty second with Mark Ronson before MTV cut to commercial. Seriously, if I wanted to hear less than a minute of a song I’d watch TRL. Eighteen different acts were featured but only five get to perform a full song. Why bother? Apparently you can watch all the suite performances at MTV.com but you might as well wait until someone rips the best to mp3. Here are some other thoughts on the show:
- We start off with the fairly worthless pre-show where they roll out John Norris again. Did this guy sign some sort of life-long contract? MTV has a stricter age limit than Menoudo yet he still gets rolled out every year with his boyband circa 1999 haircut. And there is something to say that even though T.I. was in the building, he didn’t bother to show up for the chick from the Pussycat Dolls performance, who relied heavily on guided vocals, even though he appeared on the song.
- The big show started of with the much hyped Britney Spears performance and despite with expectations were so low she could walk over the bar, she still found a way to slither under it. Now I have never watched America’s Got Talent, but her performance is what I would imagine what a Britney impersonator’s that was let on the show just so the Hoff would have something to laugh at would look like. She didn’t bother to lip-sync half the time and was a half to full step behind her back up dancers half the time and looked lost half the time. But I guess it would be hard to remember the steps and to move your lips when you spent three minutes trying to hold in your gut. Note to Britney: fat people don’t walk around in their bra and panties. Yeah you could have pull that look off thirty pounds ago but you now either need to put some clothes on or work in a thousand sit ups a day.
- MTV seriously dropped the ball with the opening. They usher out a train wreck that hasn’t been musically relevant for half a decade for an embarrassing performance when they should have convinced Vanessa Hudgens open the show asking the crowd, “heard any good jokes lately?” (Thanks to everyone who pointed out why people she all the sudden became the most popular search to the 9th Green). Everyone would have talked around the watercooler today how great the opening was instead of how horrible it was. Well actually most of the watercooler talk today was, “wait, the VMA’s were last night?”
- Apparently MTV had a contingency plan in case the Brittney performance died like it did with Sarah Silverman coming out to make fun of her. Granted the best line was, “that’s not nice calling Madonna a python” as well as her backhanded comments to Paris Hilton who once again tried to look upset before breaking out laughing.
- Rihanna wins the Monster Single of the Year as well as the monster cleavage of the year award.
- Jennifer Hundson (as Alicia Keys calls her) comes out to give the most worthless award of the night, the quadruple threat award. Since when is having a clothing line a threat?
- Holy Pat Smear sighting!
- Kanye West and 50 Cent come out to hype their release date. I have said this before and I will say it again, for the love of hip-hop be sure to pick up Graduation this week so 50 retires for coming in second. Anyone find it interesting that no one even mentions Kenny Chesney who has a legitimate chance to outsell either of the rappers. Don’t underestimate the buying power of hillbillies. But any ways. Be sure to look out for my Kanye review tomorrow and 50 on Wednesday.
- Forty-five minutes into the award show and we get our first full performance by Chris Brown who did a much better job lip-syncing that Britney. But that really say much about it. But is does say something that Rihanna stole the show from him.
- Justin Timberlake’s music sucks massively and acts like a complete tool ninety-five percent of the time but I like his blast at MTV and their reality programming while accepting an award from The Hills (but I’d like to state for the record that I would definitely stand underneath the brunette’s umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh). But then lost points when saying that The Simpsons were part of MTV’s reality programming.
- Seriously, Cee-Lo singing Prince while being backed by the Foo Fighters only gets thirty seconds of airtime?
- I must take this time to apologize to CBS for creating the most appalling reality show ever with Kids Nation. I didn’t realize MTV would counter with A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila (whoever that is), your token Bachelor rip-off but with sixteen lesbians and straight dudes. But there is something to say that both channels are owned by the same company (keep in mind this is also the same company that axed Veronica Mars).
- Are we really supposed to believe Shia LeBeouf didn’t really have express written consent to reveal the new Indiana Jones title (Kingdom of the Crystal Skull). That is just insulting our intelligence.
- Who keeps inviting Pamela Anderson to these things? She and Carmen Electra should be well into their begging to get on the Surreal Life point in their life but somehow they still get on big name events. What’s worst is supposedly she is the reason for the most interesting thing that happened all night (Kid Rock sucker punching Tommy Lee) and MTV didn’t even bother to air it.
- Speaking of overrated chicks, Megan Fox may be one of the few people that rival Anderson in that category. She announces Timbaland who does some weird thing before tossing it to Linkin Park. What was that? Why even bother? Why not just have Fox toss to Linkin Park. Timbaland is just completely worthless.
- During the pre-show Rihanna mentioned she was going to rock out tonight and I thought maybe she would be backed by New Order (Shut Up and Drive samples Blue Monday), but now it is just Fall Out Boy who just took home Best Group. Yawn.
- Alicia Keys adds some class to program even if she was wearing that looked like Olivia Newton-John combined her wardrobe from the final scene from Grease and the Physical video. The new song was decent, but I’m not sure where I come down on Freedom ’90. I was hoping that maybe she would bring out George Michaels but alas no.
- Jamie Foxx comes out to show everyone how much he has had to drink while in Vegas then shuts ups just long enough for Jennifer Garner announce the Best New Award as Gym Class Fallout. Yeah, that seems just about right.
- MTV then rolls out a week old joke that really wasn’t that funny a week ago in the Miss Teen South Carolina who flubs while pretending to flubs. Nice. At least she gave the Wu-Tang Clan a shout out.
- The big surprise guest of the night is Dr. Dre (who is disturbingly showing his age). No he didn’t perform or even receive a Lifetime Achievement Award or anything interesting, no he is just relegated to handing out Video of the Year to Rihanna.
- The show ends with Nelly Furtado, Timberlake and Timbaland each performing a verse from their latest song before getting together as the song they did together start only for the track to stop so abruptly that Timbaland had to inform everyone five seconds later that that’s the end of the show. How apropos of an end.
- I’m really getting too old for this (expletive deleted).
The MTV Music Video Awards: once was the cream of the crop of all awards show now it is barely the most entertaining award show on its own network. Yeah this could be because of poor choices of hosts. No host announced for this year (yet?) but Timbaland has been named the music maestro whatever that means. There were some huge shake ups in the categories this year with a significantly less number of them than before including the category that were voted on by the fans, Viewers Choice and the MTV2 Award. Also gone are all the genre categories, so no rap, hip-hop, r&b, rock and pop. Although this year you can vote for the Best New Artist here. Also it looks like this year most of the categories are more about a portfolio of work rather than a specific video by an artist, a change I hate because it puts more focus on the artist instead of the video. But anyways.
The show airs September 9th and as part as being the music maestro Timbaland got to picvck the performers that will include himself (naturally), Chris Brown, Fall Out Boy, Foo Fighters, Rihanna, Kanye West, and Amy Winehouse. Lily Allen is also scheduled to perform but considering her work visa got yanked she may have to do so via satellite. Also Mark Ronson with be the house DJ this year. Now here are this year’s nominees:
Who Will Win: What Goes Around… Who Should Win: Stronger Should Have Been Nominated: Signal Fire - Snow Patrol
Timberlake and Beyoncé so conventional wisdom says one of them will take home the biggest prize, not that either deserve it. Yeah What Goes Around… was entertaining in a they were actually taking it seriously kind of way but it doesn’t even rank in the top ten of the past year. But to look on the bright side, if either win Kanye just may storm the stage.
Who Will Win: Kanye West Who Should Win: Kanye West Should Have Been Nominated: Common
Here is my big complaint on the multiple videos thing; if Akon were to win do Snoop Dogg and Eminem get an award too or even allowed on stage? They may just give this to Kanye to appease him from getting too upset.
Who Will Win: Beyoncé Who Should Win: Beyoncé Should Have Been Nominated: Lily Allen
It is a shame that Lily Allen isn’t included here because her trio of videos are more entertaining than any other anything else on this list, most of which are downright boring. Of course MTV would rather nominate the bigger stars in exchange for them to show up at the awards to perform or present. And did MTV run a test to make sure Fergie belongs in this here?
Who Will Win: Gym Class Heroes Who Should Win: Lily Allen Should Have Been Nominated: Cold War Kids
It is odd that Underwood only has one video listed because she has released five videos off here album. Of course that is almost as odd as here getting a nomination at all because 1) her album was released a year and a half ago, 2) she doesn’t appeal to MTV’s core demographic. I wonder if she has ever been played on the channel. Again, you can vote for the Best New Artst. I am not going to say who you should vote for, but be sure you vote for Lily Allen
Who Will Win: Gym Class Hero Who Should Win: Linkin Park Should Have Been Nominated: Arctic Monkeys
This will most likely come down to Fall Out Boy and Gym Class Heroes but I think it will go to the latter signifying the end of the Fall Out Boy era. Hooray. As for quality it comes down to Linkin Park and the White Stripes, with LP having a slight edge.
Most Earthshattering Collaboration Akon (featuring Eminem) - Smack That Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar Justin Timberlake (featuring Timbaland) - SexyBack Gwen Stefani (featuring Akon) - The Sweet Escape U2 (featuring Green Day) - The Saints Are Coming
Who Will Win: Beyoncé and Shakira Who Should Win: U2 (featuring Green Day) Should Have Been Nominated: Mark Ronson (featuring Lily Allen) - Oh My God
In an attempt to remain cool we get lame category names like Eathshattering. Yawn. You are showing your age MTV. And don’t ask me why all the videos are “featuring” someone except the Beyoncé and Shakira one.
Quadruple Threat of the Year Beyoncé Bono Jay-Z Justin Timberlake Kanye West
Who Will Win: Justin Timberlake Who Should Win: Bono Should Have Been Nominated: Scooter McGavin
Who Will Win: Umbrella Who Should Win: Hey There, Delilah Should Have Been Nominated: Rockstar (Nickelback)
Just to show how out of touch I am with the current MTV generation (keep in mind I was part of the original generation), six of the ten nominations have a very good chance of showing up on my Worst Songs of 2007 list. And the other four won’t be charting very high on my 100 Best Songs of 2007 list either if at all. And can the Fall Out Boy single really be considered a “Monster” single? And why are the Video Awards honoring single? Well I guess it is better than the ring tone catagory last year. I could easily rattle off at least ten song that were bigger hits this past year. As for Nickelback, I am going to talk more about this song tomorrow (or by Friday at the latest).
I am not really one to comment on the technical awards but here are those:
Best Director Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar (director - Jake Nava) Christina Aguilera - Candyman (directors - Matthew Rolston and Christina Aguilera) Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around ... (director - Samuel Bayer) Kanye West - Stronger (director - Hype Williams) Linkin Park - What I've Done (director - Joseph Hahn) Rihanna (featuring Jay-Z) - Umbrella (director - Chris Applebaum)
Best Editing in a Video Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar (editor - Jarett Figl) Gnarls Barkley - Smiley Faces (editor - Ken Mowe) Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around ... (editor - Hollee Singer) Kanye West - Stronger (editors - Peter Johnson and Corey Weisz) Linkin Park - What I've Done (editor - Igor Kovalik)
Best Choreography in a Video Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar (choreographer - Frank Gatson) Chris Brown - Wall To Wall (choreographers - Rich & Tone and Flii Styles) Ciara - Like A Boy (choreographer - Jamaica Craft) Eve - Tambourine (choreographer - Tahesha Scott) Justin Timberlake - My Love (choreographer - Marty Kudelka)
Next Monday the latest crop of inductees are getting a spot reserved at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and in honor of that, AOL has a list of twenty-five potential future inductees from the late eighties and nineties for people to vote on. Oddly when I voted, each and every artist had a no vote. So over three (not necessarily consecutive) posts I’m going to break down their list, ten each post. I’ll have two different ways of deciding. First whether they will actually get in and if I had a vote, would I vote that artist in. Since that only leaves five for the last post, going to add some of my favorite artists not included on their list. Also, if you would like me to dissect your favorite artist, leave a comment and I’ll whip up their odds of getting. Like I said, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction is next Monday and for the very first time (at least that I’m aware of) VH1 Classic will be covering it live starting at 8:30. You can also catch VH1’s usually butcher cut down version the following Saturday at 9:00. Now onto the list:
Mariah Carey (eligible 2015) Will Get In: Yes Would I Vote: Yes
Sure she slipped a little in recent years but there was no bigger artist from the nineties, selling more albums ever than any other female artist, three of which were bought by me (Music Box, Daydream, Honey). Plus do you think the Basketball Hall of Fame think less of Michael Jordon for his stink with the Washington Wizards in his later years?
Gun N’ Roses (eligible 2012) Will Get In: Yes Would I Vote: No
Appetite for Destruction was a classic; there was a great album if you condensed Use Your Illusion into an album, but that’s it. The Hall does like a great story when the longevity isn’t there, but it doesn’t full. My vote could switch when (if) Chinese Democracy is released and actually lives up to the hype, but I really doubt that will happen.
Jay-Z (eligible 2021) Will Get In: Yes Would I Vote: No
It’s hard to judge whether Jay-Z will get in because we have yet to see how the Hall will treat rappers. Grandmaster Flash got in this year after a few tears being on the ballet, I’m sure Run-DMC and Tupac are locks but after that everyone is questionable. The biggest litmus test for rappers like Jay-Z will be when LL Cool J becomes eligible. If he gets in, you’ll see the Jay-Z’s of the world in, if not, you won’t see too many rappers get inducted. For me, Jay-Z is a guy who can make some classic songs, but not classic albums.
Madonna (eligible 2008) Will Get In: Yes Would I Vote: No
Mrs. Ritchie becomes eligible next year, but I doubt she will be a first ballot induction but will get in eventually because of her longevity and her influence on the next generation. I’d vote no because that influence gave us Britney Spears and look how that turned out.
Metallica (eligible 2008) Will Get In: Yes Would I Vote: Yes
It took forever for Black Sabbath to get in, but they eventually did last year. I’m sure Metallica will have the same type of battle but they are almost important to metal as a genre as anyone else no matter what you think of that tool Lars Ulrich for suing his fans. Don’t look for them to get in next year but look for them to get in by 2013, the twenty-fifth anniversary of the Black Album.
Radiohead (eligible 2018) Will Get In: No Would I Vote: No
The only hope Radiohead has is if they continue to release critically acclaimed records up to their eligibility date because they are desperately lacking mainstream acceptance that most inductees have as most novice music fans probably still think of them as a one hit wonder.
Snoop Dogg (eligible 2017) Will Get In: No Would I Vote: No
I’m a huge Snoop Dogg guy, but there is no way he gets in barring a late career resurgence. There were just way too many sub-par albums in the late nineties. With that said, I would have no problem if he were to go into the Hall with Dr. Dre as a tandem, but when he doesn’t have Dre or the Neptunes with him, Snoop can rarely make a hot track.
Not a first ballot vote, but here is a group who mastered rock-rap long before lesser bands destroyed the sub-gernre in the late nineties when the group caught their second wind with the return of John Frusciante and still are cranking out good albums.
That’s it for today, be sure look out for the second and third installments in the coming days and leave a comment if you want me to evaluate some of your favorite artists’ chances on getting in.
There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.
Do we really need a nine minute epic from Justin Timberlake? Probably not. But at least when he did, he went all out leading to the highest of high comedy (well the unintentional kind). The hallway scene could be the funniest scene in a video that isn’t meant to be since Pat Benatar confronted her pimp in Love is a Battlefield (see on YouTube). And why does JT chase after she storms out when he catches her cheating? Why doesn’t he do what normal people do when they catch a boy/girlfriend cheating, go home and listen to Cry Me a River on repeat?
I’m not sure how filming a video in Japan falls into The Killers recent Spaghetti Western look that they have been sporting for this album, but their look against a Japanese backdrop may be the least odd thing about the video filled with a Japanese Elvis and the hint of dude on puppet love.
We Americans may just be discovering the greatness of Lily Allen, but most of the rest of the world are already on her fourth single, the ode to her lazy brother, Alfie. As a little brother myself I probably should like the song and video, but how can you resist the best puppet porn since the creators of South Park last made a movie?
Here’s one for all of you celebrating Valentine’s Day tomorrow. I know John Legend will get plenty of play around the McGavin household. Although there won’t be any PDA in the park because it seems we have gotten about a foot a snow per hour here today. And for everyone who will refer tomorrow as just Wednesday, I have a Lyrics Quiz just for you coming Thursday so be sure to check back then.
The Grammy’s are always the best award shows of the year, but going into this year’s event you had a sense that the show would be an off year considering that 2006 wasn’t the best year for music in recent year. I first realized this as every year I make a mix tape for my sister of the best songs of the year for Christmas but this past year but only came up with about forty-five minutes of music. I ended up filling the rest of the album with seven different versions of Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy. In the end this year’s Grammy’s were solid but were missing a big water cooler event. In fact the only unannounced performers were Earth, Wind & Fire jumping on stage with Ludacris. The show may have been better off not announcing The Police reunion instead tease something big. But anyways. Her are some more thoughts on the big show:
- The big show starts off with the much hyped reunion of The Police performing their very first hit Roxanne. If I had a complaint it would be they only performed one song. Well, at least Quincy Jones’ daughter didn’t jump on stage to sing Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.
- No host this year, but Jamie Foxx takes it upon himself to do a short monologue anyways that includes a funny Snoop Dogg left because he heard The Police were there joke.
- Natalie Maines defiantly looks better as a brunette. Although the darker hair didn’t help her fashion sense as the ruffles on her dress was a bad idea.
- Wow, two Prince sightings in as many weeks. And only he could have save the bland Beyoncé performance. Should have gone with Irreplaceable and put Prince to wok with his phallic guitar instead B.
- If there were a Jump the Shark equivalent in music it would letting the chick from Kids Incorporated in the The Black Eyed Peas. Need to come up with a catchy name though.
- It is nice to know that anyone with a record contract, a hand held camera, and a YouTube account can win a Grammy as OK Go takes home the Best Short Form Video Award.
- Can anyone explain to me why Justin Timberlake needs three piano players on stage with him when he is playing one too? But I like how he tried to convince everyone that the song What Goes Around... was written in voice of a friend of his. What I didn’t need though was the extreme close up during the Interlude part of the song.
- In the biggest shock of the night, in awards handed out earlier, "Weird Al" Yankovic didn’t win Best Comedy Album. I demand a recount.
- I wasn’t quite sold on it when I first heard it, but after sleeping on it, I appreciate the collaboration between Corinne Bailey Rae, John Legend (whose Coming Home stole the segment) and John Mayer much more. Although I am now convinced Mayer is purposely making the Joe Cocker faces during his guitar solos, not coming naturally. And after hearing his acceptance speech for Best Pop Album I’m also convinced that his IQ is dropping fast since hooking up with Jessica Simpson.
- Who invited the chick from The Pussycat Dolls? (Fun fact, the only chick that sings in that group was also in the reality made group, Eden's Crush, um not that I remember them either.)
- Yeah Shakira basically did the same performance as the one she did at the VMA’s this past year except instead of Indian garb her and her dancers wore golden breast plates for some reason. They also edited something out of Wyclef’s rap which to me sounded like he was trying to say, “I move the crowd like I’m Obama.” A network censoring someone shouting out Barack Obama, what is this Fox?
- Leave it up to the liberal commies of the music industry to give the Song of the Year to the anti Bush Not Ready to Make Nice over the pro-God Carrie Underwood. Fascists. And was that the dude from Semisonic up accepting the award with the Dixie Chicks?
- Wow, CBS held out its blatant product placement until the second hour with the chicks from How I Met Your Mother out to present Gnarls Barkley. The costumes were a little bit of a letdown as I’ve already seen the airport theme, but they by far had the best performance of the night.
- In categories handed out earlier, Ludicris takes home Best Rap Song for Money Maker with lines like, “It took yo momma nine months to make ya, so ya better shake what yo momma gave ya.” Did someone forget to tell the voters that this was a songwriting award? Luda then picks up the Grammy for Best Rap Album and gives the best shout out of the night that wasn’t censored thanking Oprah and Bill O’Reilly.
- Your random presenters of the night are Mandy Moore, Luke Wilson and LeAnn Rimes as they give the Best Country Album to the Dixie Chick who quote Nelson from the Simpsons. Classy.
- It would be too easy to mention that naturally all Carrie Underwood did was last night was sing karaoke. But I swear her drummer is the black writer for Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip. She then walks away with the Best New Artist award. Be sure to say hello to the Starland Vocal Band on your way to obscurity.
- In categories handed out earlier, My Humps won a Grammy. Also winning a Grammy this year: Ike Turner. Feel free to discuss amongst yourself which is more disturbing.
- Samuel L. Jackson comes out and says his favorite words are “Rhythm and Blues.” C’mon Sam everyone knows one of your favorite words is “Mother.” If you are unsure of the other word check out my review of Snakes on a Plane.
- During the R&B section, Smokey Robinson comes out and sings one of my favorite songs of all time, The Tracks of My Tears. Then Lionel Richie sings one of my favorite songs of the eighties, Hello. Then some dude named Chris Brown comes out and proves Rolling Stone’s assertion that he’s a better dancer than he is singer. Then in the most inexplicable moment of the night Christina Aguilera finally completes her transition into a drag queen by singing It's a Man's, Man's, Man's World.
- Token Old Dude alert. Well at least he didn’t spend his time whining about illegal downloading like Michael Greene always did.
- Your random transition of the night goes to the Ludacris with Mary J. Blige and Earth, Wind and Fire morphing into James Blunt.
- They spent way too much hyping that lame Grammy Moment contest. If I wanted to hear mediocre singers singing other people’s crappy songs I’d watch America Karaoke.
- For those keeping track at home, Justin Timberlake and Carrie Underwood both got to sing three songs, The Police: one.
- In the second biggest upset of the night, Not Ready to Make Nice beats out Crazy for Record of the Year. I really need someone to explain what exactly what is it about NRtMN that makes it better than Crazy. And was I just not paying attention, did CBS do some crafty editing to not promote a show not on their network, or did the dude from Heroes show up late because I didn’t notice him up to this point.
- The break announcer said the Red Hot Chili Peppers were going to have the performance that everyone will be taking about today. Um, what exactly should I be talking about, that it snowed, a trick they pulled at the VMA’s circa the Dave Navarro era?
- I had to chuckle at Al Gore when he talked about environment friendly the music industry is considering the stage was just covered in fake snow which I doubt is too good for the environment.
- Scarlett Johansson is recording an album. But how bad can it be when people like Lindsay Lohan and Jennifer Lopez have set the bar so low for actresses turned singers? She and Don Henley are out to give the Dixie Chicks a complete sweep for the night adding Album of the Year to names. Yeah they made a good album, but I wonder if people voted for them more because of their anti-Bush statements then the music itself.
Now it is time to unveil the 2006 9th Green’s Readers Top 25 and if you disagree with the list, you only have yourself to blame. For the most part I was pleased with this list because only one song from my Worst Songs of 2006 made the list and a few songs that I hyped here on the 9th Green but didn’t really catch on in the mainstream mad the list. Hopefully this means some of you have taken my advice thought the year. As for the list, Gnarls Barkley blew everyone away to take first out of the over sixty songs that were submitted. If I were to nit-pick I would say that Weird Al's parody out shined Chamillionaire's version and if I were to include a song by The Fray it would have been How to Save a Life. But anyways. Now unto the list, thanks to everyone who participated and be sure to check back out tomorrow to see where, or if, any of these songs show up on my Top 100 of the year.
It’s no secret that the Top 40 radio is dieing off thanks to shrinking playlists and more specialized stations. So in honor of that I present to you the 40 Worst Songs of 2006. And you know you have compiled a list of some crappy songs when Kevin Federline doesn’t crack the Top 10. It’s disturbing how many of the “artist” on this list come from reality television (for those keeping track at home, fifteen songs were from reality stars which beats out songs that “feature” by one) showing that record executives are too lazy to find nor market good artists. And not surprisingly the same artists that topped the Worst Albums of the Year list do the same here taking up three of the worst three songs of the year. Download these songs from iTunes at your own risk and feel free to let me know what songs of the past year that you dislike in the comment section:
- The big show started of with the much hyped Britney Spears performance and despite with expectations were so low she could walk over the bar, she still found a way to slither under it. Now I have never watched America’s Got Talent, but her performance is what I would imagine what a Britney impersonator’s that was let on the show just so the Hoff would have something to laugh at would look like. She didn’t bother to lip-sync half the time and was a half to full step behind her back up dancers half the time and looked lost half the time. But I guess it would be hard to remember the steps and to move your lips when you spent three minutes trying to hold in your gut. Note to Britney: fat people don’t walk around in their bra and panties. Yeah you could have pull that look off thirty pounds ago but you now either need to put some clothes on or work in a thousand sit ups a day.
- Rihanna wins the Monster Single of the Year as well as the monster cleavage of the year award.
- Kanye West and 50 Cent come out to hype their release date. I have said this before and I will say it again, for the love of hip-hop be sure to pick up Graduation this week so 50 retires for coming in second. Anyone find it interesting that no one even mentions Kenny Chesney who has a legitimate chance to outsell either of the rappers. Don’t underestimate the buying power of hillbillies. But any ways. Be sure to look out for my Kanye review tomorrow and 50 on Wednesday.
- Justin Timberlake’s music sucks massively and acts like a complete tool ninety-five percent of the time but I like his blast at MTV and their reality programming while accepting an award from The Hills (but I’d like to state for the record that I would definitely stand underneath the brunette’s umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh). But then lost points when saying that The Simpsons were part of MTV’s reality programming.
- Alicia Keys adds some class to program even if she was wearing that looked like Olivia Newton-John combined her wardrobe from the final scene from Grease and the Physical video. The new song was decent, but I’m not sure where I come down on Freedom ’90. I was hoping that maybe she would bring out George Michaels but alas no.
